oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

[outlierdirector]

OCEANVIEW PATHS

but we can leave our gilded cages.

Two worlds colliding
There ain't no bargaining
No giving in without a fight CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

▼ — route a.

[outlierdirector]

( blah blah potential endings for main psl. this one is like domestic shenanigans that make the heart better--kind of. )

[outlierdirector]

( continued )

[ « Not as horrifying? I'd say "Return" was worse in some ways. A lot of ways. »

Her head hangs, back to him still, hands on the counter framing the takeout meal. The tension is still in her shoulders, but her stance oddly looks like defeat. Not that their conversation is even an argument.

« I just... I don't know what to DO. Just being here for him isn't really enough, is it? He still can't sleep through the night. He still won't eat. I'm not a doctor, not even a scientist, but I KNOW it will just make things be worse for him. What do I do, Polaris? What can I do?

I--I know you don't have the answers. I just--I wish I could be better at this.

I wish I could do for him what Alice probably did. »

She half-turns back to him. Anyone else would believe she is showing no emotions towards any of his answer. Alan will know better. He'll see the small frown on her face that's barely detectable; see the way her eyes soften to his words. He will be able to see the unspoken question in her gaze:

Are you really any better because of what I'm supposedly doing to help?

Is not-normal what he needs?

Jesse looks down and simply nods to his words. She doesn't argue with what he's said. Even a small glance is given to him to show she saw his smile and determination. None of this is about her, and she'd rather it not be about her. She doesn't like the spotlight. ]

I'll ask them to reference whatever you write to documented AWEs. Or, active ones, once they're done. Keep an eye out for any that might happen based on your stories. Published, not published, Night Springs. Whatever you decide to write.

[ There's not much else she can really do for him than that. Not as Director, or the woman from Ordinary.

« Some partner I turned out to be. »

She looks back down at dinner. Maybe it's a good thing Alan turned down to eat. She's lost her appetite. ] I'll put dinner away and get ready for bed. Are you staying up?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ It wasn't meant to be a platitude, as Alan knows quite well that "Return" and all the loops surrounding it were horrifying. The Dark Place was horrifying. Losing himself one piece at a time was horrifying. Not knowing how to put himself back together now that he's home is horrifying.

He's starting to see that maybe Jesse can't help him. Maybe he can't even help himself. He doesn't know how to do normal things like sleeping and eating, and he still hesitates about turning on the shower and stepping into it. Going out during the day isn't easy for him either, because going out means interacting with people, and he's not sure how to do that. Most days, he doesn't try venturing out, but he can't stay inside forever. When he does go out, it's always brief, and it's easy for him to imagine the odd looks that he receives from people he passes by; he's tried to clean himself up somewhat, but the lack of sleep and lack of consistent food is most likely taking a toll.

He tried forcing himself to eat; that didn't go well. Forcing himself to sleep doesn't really work either, but at least he manages to get an hour or two here and there.

How do I get back to living? I can't ask Jesse to help me with that. That's a responsibility she didn't ask for. Maybe... maybe I do need therapy. But I can't imagine even telling anyone about this, not even a therapist. No, I can't see a therapist. I just don't know how to fix this. How to fix myself.

He pulls himself out of his swirling thoughts so he can watch Jesse. He doesn't stare with the intent of making her uncomfortable; he just looks at her, watching her reactions and the small shifts in her eyes and in her expressions. She says so much without using words, and it seems to him that reading her is one thing he's still decent at.

He can see the question in her eyes, and the look in his own eyes should tell her how unsure he is. Maybe for now, the subject of his well-being is best left alone, as he has no idea how to even improve it. ]

That sounds good. Thanks, Jesse. I want to help. I want to be useful. Writing is the only way I know how to do that. I just- I hope it doesn't end up causing more problems down the road. If AWEs start to happen because I'm writing again, then I'll stop. For good, if I have to.

[ I'll just have to find something else to do. Something else that maybe I can be good at.

His gaze turns towards what's left of the takeout she ordered, and once again, a feeling of guilt stabs at him. ] Let me help with that. You should get ready for bed, because you had a long day.

[ I think all days must be long ones for her; I can relate.

He shakes his head. ]

I thought maybe we could talk. Or if you don't want to do that, we can just be quiet together. Maybe there's something on TV.

[ Those things all sound so normal that they sound strange to Alan even as he says them, but he's trying. Not-normal doesn't mean avoiding normal things. It just means there's an element to being them that other people don't have. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She promised she would help him. That's what partners do, isn't it? Help each other with their problems. Even if they have no idea how to really tackle those problems. She isn't backing down, and she isn't going to leave. Thoughts of insecurity and being unable to help may bother her, but, she isn't going to stop simply because she doesn't know what to do. They've come too far to stop now.

She waits until he has joined her at the counter before putting her hand on his wrist. Her way of trying to say she's still here for him. Fingers brush along the top of his hand before pulling away to rest along side him. ]

I still think, if anything, you'd point to them happening. Not cause them. You're not anywhere near Cauldron Lake anymore, Alan. [ Jesse looks down for a moment before trailing her fingers along his. ] I know that's not how you feel, so it probably doesn't help at all. Just... for what it's worth.

[ She gently leans her arm against his for a moment. Then, she stands up fully. She'd suggest they shower before bed. Intuition tells her that would be better in the morning when the sun is up. ]

Let's lay in bed... okay? Just us. Maybe the quiet will help. [ She forces a smile for him. ] We can talk there. About whatever you want. [ Jesse pauses again before leaning her cheek against his arm. A moment passes before she squeezes his hand again and finally moves to the bedroom.

Sleeping shorts and a long t-shirt. Jesse is far from a complicated or high maintenence dresser. The curtains are closed to the New York City skyline. She turns the LED light strips on, dimming them to a comfortable level to sleep with, and crawls into the bed. She sits on top of the covers, cross legged, pulling her hair from the golden prymaid pin that keeps it back.

She glances at the door, then looks down and her hands as she waits. Hands that are scared and calloused from the numerous encounters with thresholds. Not that she has ever had beautiful looking hands. Times like this with Alan are ones she feels she will never compare to Alice Wake. Not that she replaces her, or would even want to replace her. Jesse just can't help but feel she is league's out of the sort of person Alan Wake should even let catch his eye.

Jesse looks up once the door opens and she gives a timid smile. Almost as if she's asking if the lighting and room meets his needs for the night. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He's still convinced that she's doing everything she can to help him. She can't help him with the demons in his head or the nightmares that come when he tries to sleep. She can't stop him from jumping at every sound he can't immediately identify. He's a mess and he knows it, and there's a part of him that wonders if she'll ever grow tired of his mess and ask him to leave.

Putting the pieces of himself and his life back together is a harder task than he could have anticipated, and it feels to him as though he's made barely any progress towards moving forward at all.

He barely manages to stop himself from startling when Jesse places her hand on his wrist; he trusts her and he knows her touch, and her touch has always calmed him to some degree, but that feeling that he has to jump out of his skin all the time won't go away. Still, he visibly relaxes when he feels her fingers brushing against his hand. ]

There's still so much I don't know, though... about myself, about my writing, about... everything. How am I supposed to know what's right? You're the Director at the Bureau, so you'd know better than most. Better than I would. It helps, believe me.

[ I can trust her when I can't even trust myself, and that's what matters.

When she leans her arm against his, he stills, wanting to just stay like that for a little while. For as long as they can. He still has to remind himself every now and then (well, all the time) that this is real, that she's not going to leave him and he's not going to wake up back in the Dark Place, in the Writer's Room. She's going to be there when they go to sleep and when they wake up, and he doesn't have to be afraid of the darkness anymore.

... Except he is afraid, and they both know it. ]

Okay. That- that sounds nice. [ He has to remind himself that moments like these are real; being able to just lie in bed with Jesse is real.

She moves to the bedroom, and he follows once he's dressed for bed as well, and it's just as simplistic and comfortable as Jesse's chosen sleepwear. It feels strange to him, because he's used to wearing a lot more than a long t-shirt and shorts, but it's just one more thing that he has to get used to again.

He opens the door and peers around the corner, looking for her and noting the dimmed lights and the closed windows. He takes a step forward, followed by another, until he's standing in front of the bed. ]

Hey.

[outlierdirector]

[ The movement that could become a startle makes her pause. Her expressions are so controlled, but a piece of her wants to curl away. That undermining fear of doing nothing but hurting him or making it worse. ]

...being the Director doesn't mean I know everything, Alan. I can't tell you what's right. That's a feeling inside that you'll just know. You just need to trust that instinct more.

[ With that said, she leaves him to finish putting away dinner.

Jesse looks up once he walks into the room. A glance is given to the fact he's at the end of the bed and not on the bed with her. She doesn't beckon or give a sly look. Instead, she simply moves further onto one side of the bed. A silent invitation or maybe demand of where he moves to be on the bed with her. ]

I can make the lights brighter tonight if you need it. [ Jesse knows it comes off awkward, but she tries to make the offer regardless. ] Today seemed like it was a good day, but...

[outlierdirector]

( continued )

[ Her legs shift, lowering to lay over his lap. A small invitation for him to be closer if he wants. She doesn't let go of his hand or the keychain in the other. Both just seem to help ground her in the moment. Help keep her steady when the storm of emotions is raging under the surface.

Jesse's gaze remains upwards, only shifting to the side when a thought or two cross her mind. She doesn't see the flinch but she certainly feels it. Her hand squeezes his to help comfort him. Nothing about the Clicker is a comfort. At least, she imagines it isn't now. Was it ever a comfort or just a plot device for the stories?

Her gaze finally shifts back to him when the tone in his voice changes. Less hesitant and more reassured. That subtle determination that she adores. For a moment, Alan seems more like the man he could be, instead of a man controlled by the after effects of the journey he was on.

He sounded more like the man she let drive off into the night at Cauldron Lake.

Awake. In control. Clear-headed. Sure of what he had to do.

Her gaze drops at the sentence he trailed off on. They can't avoid any of it forever. It will come back to haunt them. Just like the consequences of Ordinary did for her. ]

To save Alice. I know. [ A breath she was holding escapes. She closes her eyes and shakes her head slightly at herself. ] Reports I found at the Oldest House said that you were trying to save Alice from the Lake. You did. Buearu agents found her at the Lake after the AWE ended and you disappeared. So, whatever on that manuscript page with the Clicker worked.

That's how she knew to contact the Buearu later; when Scratch was haunting her. They kept a line of communication open for her. [ « Talking about this is easier than the dream. Maybe it's for the best. » ] He was probably there for the same reason. He had to find the same things to get to the threshold and end the story.

[ A shake of her head. She tries to shift the topic of the conversation. ] What happened after you found the page and the Clicker?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He does want to be closer; he wants to try and help settle whatever was stirred up in her sleep. But maybe all he should do is just hold her hand and let her decide what they do next. He squeezes her hand in return, and the momentarily startled feeling gradually fades. It takes another second of internal debate, but his need to be closer to her wins over the feeling that maybe he should give her space. It takes a second to maneuver himself properly, but finally he comes to a stop with her legs resting on top of his. It might look odd to anyone observing, but this is their apartment, and the only ones around to see are the two of them. It doesn't matter to Alan what anyone else thinks about how they might look.

His tone of voice might change, but inwardly, Alan feels anything but assured. Determination? Hardly. Confident? Not at all. Uncertain is the best way to describe him. Maybe uncertainty is his permanent state of being. Maybe the best he can do is just try and muddle his way along and hope for the best. Still, that feels unfair to Jesse. ]

I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't- It's not fair to you to keep bringing her up. That was from another chapter, almost another life. We have our chapter now, our lives together.

[ He opens his mouth, intending to say something about how they should focus on her now, rather than continuing to focus on him, but she keeps going, and she asks another question. ]

What happened? Well... [ He has to pause again to try and dig for those faraway memories. ] I think I went into the lake. Maybe it was going back into the lake. I don't actually remember. But if I had the Clicker and whatever was on that page, then that must have meant that I knew what I had to do. I must have been trying to change the story even back then.

I guess that was the start of it: the start of all those attempts to find an ending that worked.

[ He brushes his fingers lightly against her hand as he contemplates this and what it means. Maybe it doesn't mean anything now that he's back. But maybe it does; maybe it'll always mean something: a long, twisting series of stepping stones that ended up bringing him home. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse shakes her head slightly, eyes still trained to the side. ] She was your wife. The person you trapped yourself for thirteen years for. That's important. It's fine.

[ « He never really had any closure. He disappeared from her life, and the Dark Presence tormented her with him. She tried to do everything she could to save him... including using us. »

She knows that in some way or form, Alan will always be shared between her and Alice. He may have moved on in the sense that he is ready to start a new chapter in his life? But, the context in which she met Alan will always revolve around his ex-wife. They went to Bright Falls because of their marriage. He went into the threshold of Cauldron Lake because of his wife. She reached out into the Dark Place because of her husband. Hartman was locked up in the Bureau because he dipped into the Lake after being so certain of seeing Alan and Zane move around Bright Falls. So much of them coming together is because of the context of Alan and Alice's marriage.

« We really can't escape that fact. It's useless to try and avoid the elephant in the room that is Alice Wake. » ]

They were different stories, right? "Departure" and "Return." [ She looks down then. Her hand curls around his as he brushes his fingers along her skin.

Jesse is quiet for a moment, then she speaks again: ] ...I thought that I could only contact that other version of you because I was in the Motel. I thought Polaris was connecting to him because he was able to reach her somehow, so my messages got to him instead of you. But, now... [ a slight shake of her head, ] maybe it's something else. It's not just him now. I haven't been able to speak to him since "Return" ended. Not just messages. I met him a few times.

[ She glances up at him to see if he understands what she's saying, or if it is filtered away into just another weird crazy thing she brings home from the Oldest House. Meeting in dreams isn't the same as meeting in person. It seems like messages from the Motel and the Dark Place don't always tend to be the way she intends them to be. ]

Now, it's not even him or messages to him. It's her. I felt--there was a few times... [ Jesse's eyes dart away quickly as she tries to explain it. ] Sometimes, during "Return", I'd see what she saw. Like seeing through her eyes? I thought maybe it was because we felt something similar at that exact moment. Polaris resonating with those emotions and because of the Dark Place or the Motel, we connected, but...

I'm not in either place... and now...

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan has to pause as he feels something threatening to choke him, something he can't allow to break through. He said his goodbye to Alice, and he put his heart into it, because... well, they were married and in love, and even though things became difficult for both of them, he never really stopped loving her. He won't have Jesse thinking that he isn't happy being with her, and he won't have her doubting that he loves her. He's reasonably sure she doesn't have doubts, but he knows he has to do everything he can to prove himself to her. Still, he can't shake off the lingering grief that's still hanging onto him.

It's not just because of Alice, although that's a large part of it, but some of it is a feeling of grief for all the time that he lost. Who knows how events would have gone? Would he still be with Alice, or would Jesse have stepped into his life? Maybe part of what he's grieving the loss of is his younger years. He wasn't that young thirteen years ago, but now... he both looks and feels old.

But that's not what Jesse was commenting on, and she doesn't need to know the turn his thoughts have taken. He won't saddle her with his feelings, when they're his own to sort out. ]

Yes... but you're important too. You're who I wanted to come home to, so we could have the life we talked about and the things we dreamed about, even if we never said them out loud.

[ Maybe the closure he's obtained isn't what he thought he'd get, but it's all he has. He has to take it and do the best that he can with it.

Alice is a chapter that's passed, and Jesse is the future. That's all he knows with any degree of certainty, and so that's what he's decided he has to hold onto. Alice may still be a presence that he carries with him, at least in his memories, but his life now is with Jesse. ]

They were. It's supposed to start with "Departure", then "Initiation", and then "Return". The stories really got messed up along the way. I wonder what I was even going for when I first settled on those titles. I guess no one will ever know that now.

[ He falls quiet too for a few seconds until she speaks again, and as she talks, he listens carefully. He knows that both of them tried to reach each other, and sometimes they succeeded, but most often, they failed. Or he failed; Jesse at least had Polaris who could help her reach across the distance between them. If he's understanding her correctly, she didn't always manage to reach the "him" she was trying to find, but even that is more than what Alan can say for himself. ]

It's a lot to take in, but I'm trying to understand it. [ Alan's expression turns thoughtful. ] What if the reason why you reached him and could meet with him is because I was out of reach? I know that sounds obvious, but maybe I was out of anyone's reach. I don't remember it clearly at all, but there were loops and spirals, and maybe I looped or spiraled so far down, you couldn't reach me anymore. Maybe the me that you reached was closer to the surface.

[ That's a scary thought. What if I never came back up to the surface? What if I just kept going down until I drowned for good? Would the other me take my place, then? I guess that wouldn't be so bad, because at least Jesse wouldn't be alone. How different could the me that she met and Me me actually be?

Wait. Other Me couldn't take my place, because then some other Jesse out there would be alone. What the hell... I don't understand any of this, but maybe I'm not supposed to. ]

But why is that still happening? The story's over, I'm- Unless... Did the story not end for another version of us? Is that still happening, or has it stopped?

[ He hopes for everyone's sake that it stopped. No more loops, no more spirals, definitely no more goodbyes, for any version of them. ]

[outlierdirector]

She's still apart of your life, Alan. I'm not--I'm not saying that it's a problem. It's just a fact. [ The headshake is barely visible, but she knows he will pick up on it. ] I don't expect or even want you to just move on from Alice as if she wasn't important. We both know she was the most important person to you. You married her. I know that.

[ A frown tugs at her face. ] Maybe we would have never met if it wasn't for her.

[ She nods slightly at the description of the titles. "Initiation" sounds familiar, even if she can't quite put a finger on why. Had he written that story too? It never came to reality like "Return" or "Departure" did. Was it inside the Dark Place and the Motel? She wishes she could remember more of that part of the AWE. She can't even find evidence inside the Motel that any of it happened.

« Was it just in my head? »

Her expression softens, twists, becomes vulnerable as he continues on. His thoughts clearly are matching what she had already believed. Alan was out of reach. He went diving too deeply. He spiraled too far. The confirmation--even if it is only his musings--is enough to make the feelings she was trying to control move to the surface.

« Alice was right. He had to save himself. »

Jesse looks down and to the side once more. She presses her lips together. Hands curl, clutching onto his hand and the keychain tightly. In the end there wasn't much she could do or even really did. Just... pointed the way for him to go back to the surface. She was powerless to do anything. No control over the situation at all. ]

She was there, in that room. With him. [ Her tone is biting and sharp. Factual. Bitter. Hurting. They aren't necessarily her emotions and she's certain he'll be able to realize that. ] She went there with him and everyone else. Waited for him to get what he needed from the shoebox and the manuscript page. She was ready to go with everything she had on her. Ready to follow him into the dark.

[ Then, her mouth curls into a deeper frown. Her eyebrows knit together. The expression on her face shows how she tries to control how she is feeling while everything else tries to burst out of her. These aren't her emotions. She felt something similar once. It wasn't to this degree. ]

I let you go. [ « It was the only way to end the story. I had to stop trying to make the story do what I wanted. Stop trying to control it. He doesn't know. I never told him. I had to keep it to myself so that... » ] I had to let you go.

He left her there.

[ Jesse hopes that he understands the differences without her needing to detail it. She hopes he understands why it is so upsetting. Not even just that. She needs him to understand that this isn't how she feels about "Return" or their relationship. This isn't her. But, the emotions are so strong that they're coming through to her now. Maybe it's because she met the other version of Alan. Maybe they're all connected because of Polaris and the Bright Presence. Jesse doesn't know, and at the moment, she doesn't really care if she does end up knowing.

She just wants the emotions that aren't hers to stop. ]

He left her there.

— god only knows what i'd be.

[tearings]

Mr. Wake?

[ The sun remains in the sky even as event comes to Bright Falls, Washington. The cooling autumn air shows that October is near... but Deerfest is even nearer. The annual celebration for the small town in Washington that competes with the sister town's celebration: Moosefest. Both are large celebrations that bring people to visit both towns. The ugly secret is what has helped boost both is the residency of one famous author.

Especially now that his films have become hit movies.

And not only Alex Casey.

"Departure" is rumored to have an adaptation in the works.

Time is an interesting thing, as is the way it changes and yet stays the same. Constants and variables. She has found herself meeting Alan Wake after Alan Wake now. All in hopes of finding one version that can help the one she knows--the one that reached out to her first. Well, "reached out" is a way of putting it. Something more like locking her into a story at first. Repeatability came in next, and now here she is, moving place to place to find one that can aid her.

Although she seems to not be the only one who does not belong in this Bright Falls.

Elizabeth Comstock -- Anna DeWitt -- takes a seat besides the author. The bench is situated in the neatly relocated park across from the Oh Deer Diner. It's more than obvious he has just returned from an interview outside of town to promote his new book of "Return." A long awaited sequel. Her head tilts and the uneven bob brushes against her cheeks.

He's... powerful. This Alan that she has encountered. Not the one who should be here, but the one that is visiting. Could he be the Master of Many Worlds?

Her ankles cross in the long pleated blue skirt she wears with a white ruffled top. A deep blue coat is over her shoulders sporting the yellow letters of "FBC" on the back. ]

Mr. Alan Wake. Isn't it?

[ Is he even aware he doesn't belong here? ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Mr. Wake?

The words seem to hang in the air, almost disrupting the zoned out state that the writer on the bench appears to be in, but he doesn't seem to move or realize right away that he's being spoken to.

Maybe he has a lot on his mind, or maybe he has nothing on his mind and he's just trying to hold onto that blankness for as long as he can.

But as luck would have it, apparently he can't hold onto it for very long at all. His gaze focuses again and he's greeted by the sight of leaves that are changing colors and the feeling of a chill in the air. It's fall now, and Deerfest is upon them. But that's not the only thing that's upon them, much to Alan's dislike. Well, it's not even dislike. It's more stress, worry, anxiety... Having to perform, put on a face and act the part.

He doesn't feel like going through all the expected motions of a famous author trying to generate hype for his latest book. Why not? He doesn't have an answer to the question his mind forms.

His gaze shifts again, taking in the person who addressed him, noting her skirt and the top and the blue coat as well. FBC, her jacket says. He knows that acronym and that design from somewhere, but where? ]

Who wants to know?

[ Something's strange about this, and Alan feels a strange feeling that he can't really identify. Everything looks and feels normal, but he just can't help but feel that things aren't exactly as they appear. How did I get here? Wait, what? How did I get where, this bench? I can't be losing my mind, not with the book release and everything. ]

You want an autograph?

[tearings]

[ A smirk comes to her face, followed by a small laugh. ] I have easier ways to get an autograph if I wanted one.

[ Not that she could imagine the Alan Wake she knows willingly giving her an autograph. She doesn't really need one either.

Her hands settle into the blue pleated skirt. Sky blue eyes move to the canopy of trees from the park. Bright Falls always has its oddity of unusual. Cauldron Lake always has the connection to another dimension. If it wakes and stirs, and if it's an Alan or a man named Thomas Zane is another. The players swap but the core things remain.

The question on her mind is simply where the Alan Wake of this timeline has gone. If the apparent Master of Many Worlds is temporary visiting... where is he? Have they swapped places? ]

You can call me Elizabeth. [ Her gaze turns back to him and another smile comes forward. Her eyes almost glitter at the thought of her next question. She misses books and simply reading them. ] I hear "Return" is coming out soon. Congratulations. Not everyone manages to have a real manuscript printed.

[ Use of select words at the right intervals may help the mannshe is talking to realize what is going on around him. Playing a part only lasts so long. ]

I've never been to a Deerfest celebration before. Are they memorable?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ That earns her a questioning look, although he's not looking too deeply into it either. ] Yeah? If you say so. I guess if you change your mind, I'm not going anywhere.

[ At least not yet. He can't sit here forever, but he's going to stay here as long as he can. He's not even sure why he chose this spot, other than the fact that it's a little out of the way and somewhat secluded. It's the quiet that he wants most, weirdly enough.

It won't be that quiet around him for very much longer, once "Return" drops and people start reading it. That is, if they read it and like it. That thought makes him clench his fists as he feels his nerves start to rise.

Maybe he shouldn't be nervous, but he can't help the reaction that's threatening to break what little calm he managed to find. ]

Thanks. It's- well, I hope people like it. If not, well, I guess there's always the next book. If there is a next book, anyway.

[ If there's any sort of hidden message in Elizabeth's words, Alan hasn't picked up on it yet. He offers her a half-smile and a nod. ] Nice to meet you, Elizabeth. You've obviously already figured out who I am.

[ She asks about Deerfest and he pauses to have a look around them. ]

Yeah, Deerfest is a big deal around here. It's one of those things that's worth checking out at least once. More than once, if you ask the people who do the planning. A lot of work does go into it, to be fair.

[outlierdirector]

( cont from here)

I don't know. Maybe.

[ Does it matter anymore if he does or doesn't? The situation is still the same. I can't be an artist and he doesn't see the world the way I do. The way it is. That might be too big of a chasm now.

A familiar deep frown takes her face. Yes, she misses it. No, it's not her place. That's a place to share with Alan--and it's something he doesn't want to share with her now. Her gaze drops then darts away. She shifts slightly and squares her shoulders.

I don't want to be in that room without him.

Still, as the moments stretch on, she can tell this Alan isn't backing down. He's going to keep insisting. Beth let's out an irritated sigh. Then, she gently grabs his wrist, and starts to tug him along.

Limp and all.

A gesture is made for him to join her in the room. Which drawer has Alan's bed clothes. Then, another to the bed. She steps out only to change as her things are in the guest room. She's back not too much longer and slides into the bed. Awkwardly. She lays down stiff as a board.

It feels like sleeping over at someone else's home. This isn't her place anymore. ]

Good night.

[ Sleep doesn't come to her easily. Most of the time she simply lays there, back to Alan, staring at the wall. She feels that unwanted feeling crawl up her back. The same feeling that is there when she enters Alan's office.

I'm not wanted here.

When sleep finally does claim her? She finds herself in a place like most dreams. The start is unsure, but the Hotel is massive. Run down in someway. No one is at the counter but a key rests there. She hesitates. Something tells her to take it and go further into the Hotel.

She quietly steps forward and makes her way through the halls. What door is she even looking for? How does she know? A sound chimes in her mind like a bell. If she blinks she thinks she sees a geometric pattern circling around one door. Feet stop at the door and she looks at the emblem on the door.

A spiral.

Beth turns the handle and steps in. Then, she realizes, she is wearing her FBC coat. Had she gotten there by a lightswitch somewhere? Is it an AWE? Related to Alan somehow? Not her Alan, but the Alan that visited.

She steps into the room and sees an attic. A chalkboard covered in notes, a boom box, an old TV, and a desk with an owl above it. Two windows at the back that shine into the nothingness.

Beth stops in her tracks and stares at Alan... and Alan.

Two writers.

And she knows them both. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan sees the look on her face and it's enough to make him want to take back what he said. If she doesn't want to sleep in that room, then he shouldn't force her to do it. If she isn't ready, if she won't do it without her Alan, it's wrong of him to ask her to.

But before he can put his thoughts into words and say out loud that he'll take it back, she's grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him along with her until they reach the room that hasn't been used in who knows how long.

She gestures around the room, gestures to the drawer containing Alan's clothes. He knows he can't use them. They're not his, even if they belong to a version of himself. He wonders if she'll mind if he sleeps in boxers and a t-shirt.

He can tell she really isn't comfortable with this, so when they finally both get into the bed, he makes sure to keep some distance between them. Sleep doesn't come immediately to him either, and he's not even sure when he actually finally drifts off. But like Jesse, when he does finally sleep, he finds himself somewhere else, somewhere he wasn't sure he'd see again.

He didn't want to see it again, not really. He doesn't remember walking up to the room, so either he didn't or it wasn't important enough for him to remember. Part of him thinks that he just went to sleep and woke up back in the Writer's Room.

Great.

He did want to talk to Beth's Alan, and now it looks like he's getting that chance. But before he can do or say anything more than stare while he tries to figure out what the hell to even say, he hears footsteps approaching and he turns slightly.

And that's when he realizes this isn't just a dream. It's dream logic, but it's more than a mere dream. ]

... Beth. [ He nods at her, and then he looks over at Alan. ] This is weird, and I've seen weird. [ But it's what he asked for, so... ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Beth remains silent. Her gaze shifts between the two Alan Wakes. Body posture stiffens. Alert. She knows her husband would rather have nothing to do with her, the weirdness in the world. All this will do is upset and push him away further. She's sure of that fact.

Yet the Spiral Door closed behind her and she's sure that it won't open if she tries to leave. Her eyes dart back to the Writer who seems to be far more in charge of his powers and what he can do than her own husband. ]

What the hell is all this, Alan? [ A hand raises and gestures to the two of them. ] An intervention?

[ An intervention that won't mean anything. ]

— it's a fool's paradise.

[outlierdirector]

( cont from here )

[ The answer and look on Alan's face is enough to cause Jesse to call their excursion outside. He's not quite spiraling or leveling her mentally, but it's clear that something about trying on clothes has been enough for him. Something has come up, and it's better for him to be somewhere familiar and safe feeling. She gently takes his hand again and quickly leads him back to the apartment. ]

I'll figure out something to eat later. Just, take a few deep breaths. Get comfortable. Okay?

[ Polaris hums in the background. Louder in the apartment than normal. She's caught onto a disturbance in either her host or the Writer and tries to drown out what may have caused it. There's no threat of other realities or thresholds in the condo.

Jesse gives him space for most the day. She's pushed him enough, asked him to do too much. She takes the new clothes and sets to washing them and getting them set to go for the next day. A quick check is done on him in the living room now and then, especially as she sets to making lunch. Or, dinner. Jesse feels there's no point in really calling them specific meals when Alan refuses to eat.

At one point she checks on him and notices he has fallen asleep. Truly asleep. She hesitates -- afraid she may wake him up. Then, she grabs the throw from the back of the couch and gently places it over him. After dinner she leaves the dishes in the sink and quietly slips into their bedroom and shuts the door. The lights remain on for him out in the living room.

« No point in having the lights on in here. I doubt Alan is going to come in the middle of the night. That's fine. He needs to sleep. »

Her own sleep is dreamless. Dark, but not filled with darkness. Just... still. Restless. She shifts from side to side, even rolling into his side of the bed once or twice. The only thing that stirs her is the smell of ...something.

« Breakfast? »

Dressed still in her sleeping shorts and shirt, Jesse gently opens the door. The fall air has definitely settled in and she makes a note to turn on the heaters. She sticks her head out before slipping quietly into the hallway. Her hand flexes to summon the Service Weapon--just in case.

« Maybe Steve let himself in. Or, Alan did. »

She comes to a stop as the hallway turns into the living room. She looks across the room into the combined kitchen. Standing at the stove isn't the Ranger Captain she expected to see. Instead, it's Alan Wake.

Cooking. ]

... Alan?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan hates this. He hates his inability to do anything normal; he hates that something as normal as shopping for clothes makes him spin out. He doesn't want this to be how things are for him and Jesse.

Why can't I just be normal? I'm not in the Dark Place. The Dark Presence isn't here. I'm safe- we're safe. But why do I feel like it's still breathing down my neck?

He nods wordlessly to Jesse saying she'll figure out food for herself and telling him to just breathe, get comfortable, relax. How can I relax when it feels like it's still here? It's still here waiting to take me as soon as I let my guard down.

When they get back to the apartment, he flops down onto the couch with a sigh. He wants this to be different; he wants to be able to lie down next to Jesse and hold her and kiss her and love her without the demons in his mind pulling him away.

Out of desperation more than anything else, he reaches out to Polaris again. He'd let her resonance flood through him if he could, but if nothing else, he just reaches out to her. Maybe if she gets louder than everything else, even his own thoughts, he'll finally be able to relax.

He can hear Jesse moving around the apartment, and he can hear the sound of pots or pans on the stove and smell whatever it is she's making. Right now, though, he's too keyed up to think about eating; he can feel eyes on his back, staring holes in him. Carving him out. Wanting to be him. Scratch.

He feels or sees how Polaris keeps responding, sending her resonance in waves through the apartment, to Alan, to whatever she can reach, and he latches onto it. This needs to stop; he needs to be able to relax, to rest... to maybe even fall asleep.

He doesn't even know when it is that he finally manages to fall asleep. It just happens, and before he knows it, he's completely out, exhaustion finally pulling him under. He's not drowning, though. Even in sleep, part of him can still feel Polaris.

He has a dream that he doesn't understand; in the dream, he's himself but not, and Jesse's herself, but not. He frowns in his sleep, but the dream doesn't turn into a nightmare. It doesn't fade entirely from his mind, but if he wants to recall it, he'll have to stop and think for awhile before the details come back.

But after several long hours have passed, Alan stirs on the couch. The sun is just starting to come up, and the relative silence in the apartment tells him that Jesse is still asleep. She's asleep, but he's awake, and an idea occurs to him. Yes, I can do this. I have to do this. No, I want to do this. It's for her; it's something she deserves after all this time.

He quietly gets up from the couch and makes his way to their shared room. He doesn't close the door all the way, in case the closing sound wakes her up. Instead, he just pulls it closed but doesn't shut it.

And then that's when his project begins. Eggs, flour... what else? He never was much of a cook, but pancakes are easy enough, right? He even finds strips of bacon in the fridge. I'll restock what I've used as soon as I figure out what happened to my accounts.

For the most part, he remembers how to make a relatively simple breakfast. It's not going too badly at all, and at least he hasn't burned anything. He's so absorbed in his work that he doesn't even hear Jesse's footsteps approaching until he hears her say his name.

He makes a half-turn, and then he lets out a sudden annoyed noise as a splash of hot oil lands on his hand. Shaking it off, he turns to look at her. ]

... Hey. Sorry, I used your- our kitchen. [ He's still not used to calling it that yet. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Green eyes move from him, to the items on the stove, back up to Alan. There's no anger or disgust in her gaze. Confusion, hesitation, worry more than anything. Not that she thinks Alan is incapable of doing it all. It's more that he might have a moment during cooking or that he's pushing himself too far too fast.

She shifts her weight from one leg to the other, eyes dropping back to the food in an attempt to figure out how to place what she's feeling into words. Not that it's working. Not that she needs to. Alan can read her, for all puns unintentional, like a book. ]

You don't--it's our kitchen. You don't need to apologize.

[ A few timid and hesitant steps are taken to be on the opposite side of the counter. She notes what he's made by the ingredients everywhere. A soft expression takes her face as emotions gather in her gaze. Not that she's able to pin them down to one that encompasses it all. There's far too many for that.

« We talked about this breakfast before. Didn't we? Eggs. Pancakes. Coffee. »

She steps around the island counter to stand behind him. A beat passes before her arms raise and wrap around his waist. Her cheek rests against his back. ]

...Are you okay?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He pauses in his movements as if he's momentarily worried that she'll express displeasure or upset that he decided to try and make breakfast for her. It felt strange when he first started, but some form of memory and muscle memory fell into place and that feeling of strangeness gradually lessened.

But now that she's in the kitchen with him watching him, he feels suddenly nervous and maybe a little out of place, like he doesn't belong here after all. ]

I thought I'd try and surprise you with... well, with this. [ He can read her like a book most times, but right now, he's so focused on trying to explain himself that he misses the emotions in her eyes. ]

I'll clean all of it up after, and I'll pay for groceries next time. [ He opens his mouth to explain more, but then she moves behind him and after a moment, he feels her arms slide around him, and the tension in his frame disappears in an instant. ]

I'm fine. I wanted to do this for you. [ He pauses, and then he adds: ]

I can finally do something for you.

[outlierdirector]

( cont here.

[ Jesse realizes she's very much out of her element as they walk down the street at all the storefronts. This level of normalcy is really beyond her. Sure, she went Christmas shopping with foster parents, but that's not the same as this. She's looked at decorations before. Small trees and that sort of thing. Things she could dispose of before she just stopped all together. These would be more permanent... things that they get every year together.

« This is normal for Alan. That's what matters. These are things he probably did with Alice every year... things normal people do. People like he was for most of his life. I've never been normal like this. Still. He accepts you and the little things I do that I KNOW are weird to normal people. So, that means we can do normal things like this for him. »

A glance is spared over at Alan beside her as they walk. Then, her shoulders roll slightly, and she looks back to the windows.

« I really have no idea what we should be looking for first. » ]

Do... you have an idea of what you want to decorate?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ As they make their way down the street past the storefronts, Alan finds himself having to try his different methods to stay grounded: pinching his wrist, breathing through his nose... It's not that this is hard for him; sometimes his mind still has random brief flashbacks even now, and all he wants to do is just be in the moment.

Jesse deserves that much. Hell, he's starting to finally accept that he deserves that much too. ]

Before you tell me it's our apartment, it was your apartment first. If all you're okay with is a tree, I'm okay with that too.

[ In other words, if she doesn't want to go nuts with decorations, Alan won't. He's not sure he really wants that anyway. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She casts a long glance at him. It feels as if he is trying so damn hard to make up for "Return." Repair something damaged after he left her at the campgrounds to drive back to Bright Falls. The whole affair bothers her, just as Ordinary does from time to time, but she doesn't blame him.

It was the way the story went. ]

I had small trees before. Ones you'd set on a desk. When I kept moving around? There didn't seem to be a point. I'm not the person to ask how to decorate or what would be the right thing...