oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

[outlierdirector]

OCEANVIEW PATHS

but we can leave our gilded cages.

Two worlds colliding
There ain't no bargaining
No giving in without a fight CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[crazyisinevitable]

[ At first, Alan wasn't in any sort of state of mind to even think about the legalities and about the assets and affairs he left behind, but as time went on after he came home, it began to occur to him that he had some things he had to get settled. Truthfully, thinking about it only made him anxious, but he couldn't ignore it forever. At the time, he just wasn't ready to really think about it, much less handle it. Maybe he's not ready now either, but he's going to have to be sooner or later.

He'd also be lying to himself if he said he wasn't startled by what he saw in the mirror. It's nothing more than cause and effect just as Jesse thought, but to see the results of not eating looking back at him was jarring. Maybe on some level, he pretended not to notice, or he just covered it up with looser clothes to give the illusion of being fine, but without the layers to cover it up, he couldn't pretend it wasn't there.

This has to be why she's worried. Well, one of several things.

Somehow, the admission doesn't make the knowledge of what he needs to be doing any easier. He knows what he needs to do, which is eat like a normal person and live in the real world again, but that's easier said than done. Alan feels his thoughts threatening to spiral as his anxieties rise, and that's when he tries to reach out to Polaris, because he can't go to pieces. He can't start to panic and let himself become overwhelmed, not here in this store. He forces himself to breathe through his nose, almost willing himself to calm down before he rejoins Jesse outside.

Once he's back out in the hall with Jesse, he does his best to appear calm. Normal. Like someone picking out clothes to extend their wardrobe. ]

Fine, I guess. [ Well, that wasn't the answer he was supposed to give. He holds up half of the items he picked out to show her. ] These are fine. [ He does the same with the flannel shirts that he has in his other hand. ]

Maybe they have these in another size. [ He tries to keep his tone level as if what he said is normal and doesn't have anything else attached to it. Seeing himself in the mirror made it clear that she's probably noticed his weight loss, and he can imagine it makes her worry.

I make her worry too much, don't I? ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Polaris responds with the gentle chime associated to her. A calming sense, as her resonance is far from chaotic. When the Writer spirals, it makes it difficult to channel through him. He needs to be calm and collected.

Alan steps out of the changing rooms and Jesse offers a small smile. One that fades slightly at the site of his demeanor. Something happened, because of course, something happened. Her gaze goes to the clothes in his arms that he holds out that doesn't fit.

« We really can't catch a break. Can we? » ]

Okay. Let's see what we can find.

[ Jesse quietly leads him into the shopping area once more. She locates the items he picked out and sizes them down. A quick glance at him, then the items in her hands, ans she nods. It should be the right sizing. A little big maybe for when he starts to put weight on again.

« If he puts weight on again. »

They move to the check out area and Jesse quietly pays for their items. The bag is handed to him and then she guides him out of the store back onto the September chilled streets. ]

There. Done with that... are you okay?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan latches onto Polaris's presence like a drowning man latches onto a plank of wood. He needs something to help keep him afloat or the memories he hasn't been able to recall until now might drag him down.

Maybe this isn't even a memory in the strictest sense of the word. Maybe it's less of a memory and more of a feeling... a feeling that he couldn't have while he was in the Dark Place. Maybe there's several feelings associated with it, and he's trying to identify and make sense of all of them.

She might notice that he remains quiet as she moves around finding the clothes he picked out in other sizes. He's still with her, not drifting or drowning, but he's just quiet. His eyes are focused, not far away, but for the moment, silence has settled over him.

That is, until she pays for the items and the two of them leave the store and go back outside. ]

... I'm fine. I just- I remembered something there for a minute.