outlierdirector: ▮ <lj user="outlierdirector">. (body▸to run from the light.)
ᴊᴇssᴇ ғᴀᴅᴇɴ | ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦʳᵉᶜᵗᵒʳ. ([personal profile] outlierdirector) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2024-04-13 08:24 pm

oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

OCEANVIEW PATHS

but we can leave our gilded cages.
Two worlds colliding
There ain't no bargaining
No giving in without a fight
CODE BY TESSISAMESS
crazyisinevitable: (0119)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
No way. That can't be it. That- [ Alan finds himself shaking his head.

What if that's how Alice felt? What if that's what she wanted to do, except something changed her mind? I don't think she would have ever done that, but... did the Dark Presence try to make me think she wanted a divorce?

The thoughts spring unbidden into Alan's mind, and only then does he find himself having to admit that maybe he really isn't the Alan that belongs here: the Alan that belongs with Beth. And that Alan does belong with Beth. ]


He wouldn't do that. I don't know how I know that, but I'm convinced that he wouldn't. He won't divrce you.

[ Alan's gaze lowers and he finally says the admission out loud: ] I guess I'm not him. But even though I'm not, I still want to help before I have to go.

[ His eyes narrow slightly as he weighs his options here. Should he insist that she read the page even though she doesn't want to? ]

I don't think he'd think that, not after what he's written here. Written about you.
crazyisinevitable: (0175)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
And maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would ruin his life. Maybe it would make yours worse. I don't think that's how your stories end.

[ And if there's one thing Alan knows, it's stories. Some instinct or flash of inspiration tells him Beth and Alan will be all right. ]

Then whose job is it? Someone has to help. I want to help, and maybe it'll turn out that I can't, but I have to do something. Maybe that's why I'm here.

[ His gaze travels over to the manuscript page again before he looks back at her, that old determination suddenly flaring to life in his eyes. It's been a long time since he felt this determined about anything, but now it's woken up and doesn't seem to want to go back to sleep. ]

Well, he did this time, I'm sure of it. Even if this is a draft of a page, I know he was thinking about you.
crazyisinevitable: (0122)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 05:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'm a writer. Not much of one, but other people say differently.

[ He still thinks he's a far cry from being Steven King or any of the greats; maybe her Alan feels the same way. He remembers having lofty dreams of writing great novels and feeling proud of his writing, and while he's not not proud of his books, part of him thinks that dream he had when he first started is a little out of reach now. ]

Maybe, but I'd still like to help. I'm not your Alan, but I can still help somehow. Even if all you do is tell me to take out the garbage.

[ He focuses back on her when she makes that gesture. He sees no reason why he shouldn't be up front with her about who he is and what similarities he has with her Alan. ]

Yeah... I thought what I was seeing was just inspiration, ideas that came from my imagination or things I was seeing or noticing, but it's more than that. It just took me some time to really see it.

[ Then, Alan's expression darkens. ]

Yeah, I know about the Lake. I know too much about it, and yet it seems like I don't know anything about it at all.

[ Then he shrugs. ]

Whether it's happened or not, I think this page means he still cares about you and wants to keep you safe.
crazyisinevitable: (012)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-24 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
Are we really that different? Maybe the paths split at some point down the line, but maybe we started out the same.

[ Alan's expression turns thoughtful again as he considers the problem that Alan and Beth have been dealing with. There has to be something he can do before he leaves, presumably for good. ]

What if something changed? What if it changed, and the two of you stayed together? I don't think you want to let him go, and honestly, I don't think he wants to let you go either.

[ I hope you've figured out how you want to use it. The Master of Many Worlds. All I wanted was to come home. ]

I wanted to use it as a way to bring me home. I don't want power or popularity or anything like that. I just wanted to come home. I just wanted to go back to living. If things happen because of what I can see... that's fine, but I don't want to become... a monster.

[ He's not really sure where that came from, or if it came out of some unspoken fear, but it's not wrong. He wants to be normal. He wants to live, preferably with Jesse. ]

No, I don't think there's ever going to be anyone who knows everything about the Lake or things like it, no matter how long it gets studied.

Those pages, though. I think bad things happened; of course they did. "This story is a monster." Bad things happened, and he was trying to protect you. He's still trying to protect you.
crazyisinevitable: (0105)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-25 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
I wouldn't deny it; I've seen too much, been through too much... I've seen other people go through too much too. I know it's real, and I know there's real danger out there.

That can't be it; that can't be how your story ends. [ He's not sure why it bothers him so much that Alan and Beth seem so estranged. Maybe it's because he can see himself and Alice in the two of them. Maybe he can see something similar happening to himself and Jesse. He doesn't want that. He never really wanted to be estranged from Alice. It can't happen to Alan and Beth too, not if there's anything he can do about it. ]

There must be a way to fix this. I want to help fix this.

[ The question that remains is how. ]

Anyone can become a monster. Sometimes it takes a long time; sometimes it takes no time at all, but anyone can become one. Alan- your Alan won't become one. I'll go back eventually, but I'm not ready to go yet. There's still things I can do here, I know there are.

[ He watches Beth's reactions, wondering how she'll take the revelation that her Alan thought about her enough to mention her on the page. If he mentioned her there, then there's probably more, right? She continues to react, and he watches as the color seems to drain from her face, worrying him at first, but then she looks up at him and stares at him... through him...

Then she grabs her wrist and he has no choice but to stumble along after her until they reach their destination: her Alan's study. She walks inside, and he follows after her, suddenly uncertain about whether or not he should be here.

It looks familiar to Alan, which tells him that he and her Alan aren't too different in some ways, even if they are in others. Suddenly, though, his musings are interrupted by her handing two books over to him. ]


About me? I guess you could say that. [ The covers look the same, but he wonders if what's written in them is the same too. ]

Have you read these?
crazyisinevitable: (0129)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-26 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
What if he wants to accept it deep down but he's just not ready to? What if... Something has to happen to make him willing to accept that the world is bigger than what we can see. I'm not talking about forcing him to; he needs to realize it on his own.

[ A look of determination slides back into place then; maybe it never left, but it's resurfacing now. ]

I know that; I know it's not like that, but some things last. The things that matter last. The relationships with people who matter... those last.

[ He feels a small sting when he says that, and Alice's face appears in his mind's eye. ]

Maybe back then, he didn't want to use their real names. Maybe they weren't 1:1 for people he knew. Maybe he made them just similar enough that they'd be recognizable if someone looked closely, but he didn't paint a big sign on each one.

[ But he does as he's told and he looks at the different books. It feels strange to him to hold the books and leaf carefully through them. In a way, they feel alive... alive and familiar, even if maybe they're not carbon copies of pages he typed out with his own hands. ]

I wonder if the versions I wanted to write would have looked like this. [ He realizes too late that that sentence probably doesn't make sense to her, and that it raises red flags... If not red flags, then certainly questions. He certainly has questions, but maybe he doesn't have the right to know the answers. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0105)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
People change, don't they? I did. I've done it- several times. I used to be an asshole, a really big one. Now... I just want to be normal. Well, I can't be normal, but I want to try and have a semi-normal life. Quiet would be nice too. I know there's no pretending that the world is just what we see in front of us. Maybe... maybe he's just having a hard time admitting that.

[ Now it's his turn for his gaze to drift to one side, and he shakes his head. ]

How would that conversation even go? I don't think we could have both of us in one room, or even should do that. Maybe I could write something for him, or call him on the phone. It's going to sound insane, but I called myself on the phone when- when I was on the other side.

[ He has more questions for her, but he registers the door bell ringing at the same time that she does, and he wonders if maybe he should leave, or wake up, or whatever the hell this is. He stays back in the hallway as Beth moves to the door to greet whoever has shown up.

The voice he hears is a familiar one though; it's one he'd recognize anywhere. The only thing that's missing is the familiar humming that he came to associate with Tim.

He can only hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but it sounds like they're discussing watching the interview, and suddenly he feels awkward about being here. And just like that, he hears her addressing him, and he can't pretend to be part of the scenery anymore. ]


Uh, hi, Tim. How's it going? [ If he just sounds cool and calm, it'll be fine, right? Right. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0118)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 08:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ Of course Alan knows that she's right. People do have to want to change, and he doesn't have enough information here to know whether or not her Alan truly wants to change. He finds himself briefly distracted by the mention of Barry, someone he hasn't seen in quite awhile now. ] So Barry's still around and kicking. That's good.

[ Maybe that means that the Barry I know is all right too. He'd better be all right. ]

Barry or...? [ Of course it didn't escape his notice that Beth didn't finish that sentence, and so he wonders who else she was talking about.

But then Tim speaks up again, and Alan finds himself once again distracted by what the other man says. ]


You know, I don't even remember the last time I really enjoyed Deerfest. I definitely can't remember a time when I had a real vacation, either. [ Too late, Alan realizes that maybe he shouldn't have said either of those things. But Beth knows he's not her Alan, right? Maybe he shouldn't try to carry on the ruse, but he can't help it. ]

Taking an actual vacation would be nice, wouldn't it? [ He glances sidelong at Beth, giving her a halfway warm smile. He doesn't want to overdo it in front of Tim, but he doesn't want to appear stone cold either.

Beth and Tim exchange some words before Beth limps off down the hallway; Alan can't stop himself from frowning. Just because Beth isn't his Jesse doesn't mean that he likes the sight of her walking with a limp or being upset about her strained relationship with her Alan. ]


That's not all she's wound up about, and between you and me, I'm still trying to figure out how to fix that.
crazyisinevitable: (064)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I'm glad to know that he's still around, at least for the two of you. The last time I saw Barry, I was saying goodbye, because I had to go. I had to go finish the story and fix the mess that I was dealing with. I don't know where he is now, but wherever he is, I hope he's doing okay.

[ Then Alan gives her an apologetic look and rubs the back of his neck. ]

Sorry, you really didn't need to know all that.

[ Somehow, having Tim and Beth here makes Alan feel... better. Of course, Beth isn't Jesse, and Tim isn't the same one he ran into all over the Dark Place, but they're familiar faces, and both of them helped Alan along the way when he found himself trapped and far from home. ]

A real vacation... That would be nice, even if I have no idea what that looks like. But don't you think it would be weird to go on vacation just as I'm releasing a new book?

[ A flash of an image, or a recollection, or something flares to life in his mind. It's just a series of images and a feeling of being able to just read Jesse and know what's on her mind or what's bothering her. Beth isn't the same as Jesse, but she has some of the little tells that he's come to recognize from Jesse. Maybe he can help her open up and somehow help her with her problems with Alan at the same time. ]

Yeah, the book releases when Deerfest starts. I- Well, I thought it was fitting, and I'm not the greatest when it comes to marketing, but I thought that having it release during Deerfest might boost numbers or something like that. [ He pauses and then he chuckles, still trying to play the part. ] Or maybe that was Barry's idea.
crazyisinevitable: (pic#17165425)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-28 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
I've been meaning to; there's just been a lot going on since I found my way back home. I do have someone, someone who's been waiting a long time for me to make it back.

[ She's waited too long for him, and he's only continued making things difficult for her because of the difficulty he's having adjusting. He wonders what it will take for him to finally settle down and be normal again. ]

That's a good idea. After Deerfest, people will be busy settling back down after everything. They shouldn't notice if the two of us take a trip. [ As for the rest of Tim's statement, Alan just shrugs. ] Well, we moved into your small town, and sometimes people don't like the intrusion. The least I can do is try to help out somehow.

[ At least, it's not too difficult for Alan to wonder if there's a connection between Bright Falls being the home of a famous author and income from tourism. If he actually lived here, that would be one of his main concerns. Maybe Beth's Alan thinks about that too.

He spots Beth's glance and he moves to set next to her on the sofa. He positions himself a little close, neither too close or too far away.

The interview starts up and Alan's attention turns to the television. He can't remember the last time he watched an interview he gave. The "interview" with Door doesn't really count, not in his book.

The Alan on the screen smiles, at least giving the appearance of being calm and collected but also engaged and just a little excited to be there. If nothing else, he's a good enough actor to pull it off. ]


Well, it's great to be here again, Harry. Thanks again for having me. Two series already. Sometimes I can't even believe it's actually happened. Maybe you should give me a pinch just in case I'm dreaming and can't wake up.
crazyisinevitable: (061)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-28 07:52 am (UTC)(link)
What do you think, Beth? Would you like to go on a trip? [ He's surprised he manages to even ask the questions without stumbling over his words, because he knows this is all a ruse. He's not her Alan, and she and her Alan are hardly in a place to go on vacation together. I'd hate to see something happen to them like what happened to Alice and me. Maybe vacations just don't go well for me... or any version of me.

His gaze shifts back to the interview. Even if he and Beth's Alan aren't the same, they do share one thing in common: the ability to ham it up for the camera and an audience. ]


I'd say it comes naturally, but that wouldn't be the truth. You don't want to know how many hours I've spent looking at myself in the mirror rehearsing interviews. Yes, rehearsing them. I think I've given enough of these now that I know the basic questions, the questions everyone gets asked. And, well, if there's a question I'm not prepared for... that's what improvisation is for.

Well, thank you for taking the time to read the book. It means a lot, really. And as for an upset agent, I think anything you decided to say would be nothing compared to the things I've said. Oh, that was out loud, wasn't it?


[ The Alan on the TV laughs, and the audience laughs with him. The Alan sitting next to Beth marvels again how easily this all comes to him. To them. It's just like slipping on a mask, and then slipping it back off when it's over. Somehow, Alan doesn't like how easily they manage it. ]

Influences. Oh boy, here we go. [ The audience laughs again before Alan continues. ] Oh, that trip was great. We saw so much, and I took a lot of notes. Too many notes, even. But I can't say anything specific about who and what stood out; imagine the stir that would cause back home. I don't know if I could even walk back into town if I said just who I drew inspiration from and who I didn't. I might even end up becoming Public Enemy #1, if you can imagine that.

[ The audience laughs again, and this time, so does Alan, before he sobers up again and adds: ]

There is one person out there who definitely inspired me and stood out, though, but I'm not sure if I should say who it is.
crazyisinevitable: (061)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-30 05:43 am (UTC)(link)
Well, that settles that. [ He smiles, but he's serious too. Or, well, as serious as he can be when playing a part. ] How about somewhere with sun? [ He glances at her ankle, as if wondering if warmth would do better for her than somewhere cold or cool.

His words trail off gradually once he notices the changes in Beth's demeanor. Worry replaces any attempts at light humor as the interview goes on. Maybe it's not his place, as he's not her Alan, but he reaches for her in an attempt to take her hand. If she pulls away or gives a sign of not wanting him to touch her, he'll withdraw. But he wants to reassure her, even comfort her if he can. Whatever it is that's bothering her, he wants her to know she isn't alone. ]


Between you and me, I don't have to rehearse much of anything when it comes to your show. But also between you and me, that's something my manager doesn't want me saying, in case it makes other show hosts jealous. How I see it, though, is like this: you've invited me to your shows several times now, and so I just see it as brand loyalty. If someone else wants me on their show, I'm not going to say no. You just get thought of first.

[ The Alan doing the interview just grins and pretends to look slightly worried, as if being afraid of what fallout he might get from Barry later, but he just shrugs that off and keeps going when the show host pulls out the copy of "Return". ]

Hey, would you look at that? You know, I still can't believe it's finally real.

But yeah, small towns are very small, and that's partly why I like them so much. Sure, word gets around, and everyone knows everyone's business, but I don't mind that. Well, sometimes I do, but only sometimes, now.


[ He smirks at the audience, who laughs in response. ]

When I say that I don't know if I should say their identity, I mean it. They're a pretty private person, you know? I'd hate for that to get interrupted because I said something in an interview. Isn't it enough that you all know I have an inspiration?

[ He fakes a nervous look as he stares out at the audience, hamming it up intentionally, although there actually is a part of him that does want to protect Beth's privacy. ]

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