synthneon | oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

[ Oddly enough, or perhaps not so oddly, Alan's thoughts seem to be mirroring Jesse's. He's thinking back to a time years ago now, a time when he wasn't his best. He wasn't better. This all started because Alice wanted to help the only way she thought she could: by getting them away from the city and onto a retreat of sorts.

What actually happened was much worse than either of them could have imagined. But it wasn't all bad. Because of it, I met Jesse. Because of it, I have a chance of being better. ]

Not yet. I- I'm trying. It probably doesn't look like it, and you're probably getting tired of this, but I promise I'm trying.

[ I don't want her to give up and leave me. I know I sound desperate, and maybe I am, but I mean what I said. I want us to be together. Always.

She leans forward, pressing her forehead to his shoulder, and he carefully unwinds one hand from hers so he can circle his arm protectively around her back. ]

I miss you too.

[ I miss how I was before. How we were before. I have to get that back. ]

[ The expression falls just slightly. That's not the answer she wanted, but, it's an honest answer. She can't ask for more than that in the end.

« Truth is better than lies. Even if the answer isn't what I want. »

She won't leave him. Leaving people behind is no longer an option and hasn't been since she became Director. Alan falls under multiple categories. Just like Dylan. ]

Then, I need to do more. I know you are going to say that I'm doing enough. That it's more than enough. It's not. Not until you feel you're getting better. Making some kind of progress... once you feel you're really home.

[ « It feels like part of him never came home. That part of him that is so determined. One helped him deal with his fears and go back to finish the story and save Saga and Casey. Was... was part od him coming back home? Leaving part of himself behind forever? » ]

...You'd really want to spend the rest of your life with me? Us?

[ He couldn't lie to her and tell her he's better when he still has a long way to go until he can consider himself better. Normal. If he ever was normal, anyway. ]

Don't take this the wrong way, but- you don't have to fix me. I mean... you don't have to take that on, along with everything else you have to do. Things like sleeping, eating, even walking down the street... they'll happen in time, right? Just knowing you're there with me is all I need.

[ His gaze lowers for a moment before it returns to lock eyes with her. ]

I know I'm home; this is home, being here with you. I know that, I do. It's just taking that knowledge and making it sink in.

[ Would it sink in if I...? No, I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if she wants to do that with me again just yet. I want to do it, and maybe it would be a complete disaster, but that wouldn't be the first time I've caused one. ]

Of course I do. I knew that even when the story was chasing us through all those loops. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?

Isn't that what couples do? They help one another. Or, something. Maybe not. Just... forget I said anything.

[ She presses her face into his shoulder more. This is why she says she could never compare or even be in Alice Wake's league. Surely, Alice knew more. She had an idea of what to do to help Alan Wake until it became too much. She still isn't sure if it was only the writer's Block? What else had gone on?

Alan probably wouldn't remember the details. ]

It's been a few months. How long would it take to sink in?

[ « I accepted the Oldest House so fast... instantly. I had looked for it my whole life. This isn't the kind of life that Alan invisioned. Maybe that's why it isn't sinking in. » ]

I... I didn't think you'd want to be with me for that long. [ She leans further into his hold. ] I want a life together with someone who understands. Maybe it won't be forever. Or, you may want to move on from the weird and unusual and try to be normal...

They try to, or at least they should. But then, how am I helping you? What have I helped you with since I came home?

[ Until this exact moment, Alan hasn't stopped to think about what he hasn't been doing for Jesse. And frankly, in his mind, he hasn't done anything for her. He came home to her, but what else?

Maybe he's the one who hasn't been a good partner. ]

I don't know, but it needs to start sinking in soon. I need to start helping you with what you need.

[ Then he just stares at her with a confused expression. ] Why wouldn't I want to be with you? That was the point of all this, of fighting the story, the Dark Presence... we wanted the life we talked about and hoped for. It's my fault that we haven't gotten that yet.

[ Confusion turns into determination, and he adds: ]

I don't want to move on from that. I want a life with you, with all the weird and unusual things that might come our way.

[ Jesse presses her lips together. She knows Alan. Anything she would say he has done for her wouldn't be enough in his mind. There are certainly things she wants, but, if he can't even eat then she doesn't see the point in asking for them. He's not ready.

« Will he ever be? » ]

You're not the same kind of person as I am, Alan. You--I accepted everything about the Buearu the moment I stepped in. All it did was reconfirm what I knew about the world. Your life was different--maybe that's why it's harder for you.

[ « He was already living his life when all lf this happened. »

Her head turns more into his shoulder. ]

Reality and stories aren't the same. We both know that.

[ He wants to be ready; he'll make himself be ready even if he has to brute force it. That's maybe not the healthiest approach, but he feels like he's getting nowhere, and he's tired of it.

He won't keep her waiting. ]

That's not good enough. It's not good enough for me, and I know it can't be good enough for you. It shouldn't be good enough for you. I won't let it be enough for you, I-

[ His tone is rising in pitch, climbing a little at a time as he feels his frustration with himself rising, threatening what little calm he's managed to find. ]

No, it's not good enough, and I'll try harder.

[ His eyebrows narrow even as she turns her head more into his shoulder. ]

We're not in a story now. This is real, but I still have to make what we dreamed about a reality. I'm going to make it real, starting now.

Edited 2024-09-28 02:19 (UTC)

[ His pitch raises and her hands slip from his. Both arms wrap around him to steady and try and act as an anchor. Polaris ebbs and flows gently through him. They're still in her territory. Everything around him is attuned to Polaris if he simply just listens and opens that part of his mind again. ]

Don't push yourself to the point you break. Okay?

[ « I don't want to see something like those messages again. »

"Just let me die already! Alan Wake is dead!"

She squeezes him slightly before standing up in front of him once more. ]

Let's get going.

[ As always, Alan instantly stills in her hold as her arms wrap around him. She calms him and brings him back up when his mind and fears are trying to drown him. Polaris helps with that too; he's just forgotten how to really let her in, even though he wants to. Maybe it's not that he forgot; maybe it's that he's putting so much pressure on himself to be okay that he's forgotten how to relax.

That would make sense. There was no time for relaxing in the Dark Place. ]

I won't; I promised you I'd put us back into the story. I promised you I'd come home. I can't be here for you if I- [ Resolve creeps back into his tone again. ]

I won't. I promise.

[ He moves when she does, following her lead; it's not that he can't make movements on his own, but following her just feels natural to him. Maybe it's because she's good at leading, especially leading someone who's more than a little lost in more than one way. ]

Where to first? Coffee, right?

[ She is just glad in the moment that he isn't reacting to the fact that she has once again helped him. Given he is so upset that he has yet to be able to return the favor. He hasn't pushed her away in anger or told her to leave him alone. Yet.

« He still has that famous temper after all. »

She gently gives him one more hug. ]

I know. You're doing what you can.

[ « I just... needed a moment. It's fine now. I'll be good. He can't push past his limits and jepoardize it because of me. » ]

Yeah. We'll see if anything catches your eye. [ The tone in her voice says she doubts it, but, the resolve is there to try regardless. ] It's just a small shop on the street.

[ Her hand once again anchors on his and she begins walking. Once they're on the street, Jesse falls in line beside him. Fingers curl between his. She wants them to look like a normal couple--act like one in public. She doubts anyone is going to recongize him after thirteen years... and having the beard and hairstyle that he hasn't changed since he arrived home properly.

She pulls the glass door open and steps inside after he has. The door shuts with a soft sound and a small bell. The aging woman behind the counter welcomes Jesse with a smile and by first name. Then, eyes fall on Alan Wake. ]

He's my boyfriend. [ Jesse feels the word is somehow wrong. They're closer than dating. Partner? Doesn't that imply marriage?] Al.

[ It doesn't make him happy knowing that he owes her so much and has yet to begin even repaying her for everything she's done for him. In his mind, the scales are very much uneven, and he hates that. He intends to fix it as soon as he can, by any means necessary.

But becoming fixated on it and obsessing over it doesn't really work well for him, as they've seen before. It's something he needs to keep in the back of his mind, but it doesn't need to become an obsession that drowns out everything else.

She hugs him again, and he leans into it before he carefully slides back from it, not breaking the contact entirely, just... they need to get going on their errands or whatever else they're planning to do. ]

I want to see the places you like going to: shops, parks, anywhere you go when you have time.

[ Part of him thinks that doing such normal things will remind him of his life before all of this, and maybe that will help get him settled back into life and living. It won't be the same as it was, but maybe it can be similar.

He smiles at her when he feels her hand anchor itself around his, and the smile widens as her fingers curl between his. At least outwardly, they can look like a normal couple. The feelings are there; the attraction and the love is there, but it's the insanity of the Dark Place that complicates everything.

But the people passing them by on the street don't know that, right? They don't know that Alan's the writer who went missing thirteen years ago. Maybe an observant person might think there's a similarity, but Alan just wants any recognition to either not happen at all or to go uncommented on.

Maybe that's hoping for too much. Once they're inside the shop, Alan manages a small smile for the woman behind the counter, only faltering a little when he sees how her eyes land on him.

Jesse offers an introduction, and Alan raises his free hand by way of greeting. ]

Hi. I'm- [ Al? I haven't been called Al in thirteen years. I guess I can be Al again. ] I'm with her.

[ And then he smiles a wider smile, because really, he can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be. ]

[ She hasn't been to most those places--save the coffee stop--since he found his way home. Any extra time to spare had been placed into caring for him. Sitting by his bedside until he was stable, coming home to hear about his writing, trying to get him to sleep, eat, bathe.

Her hand squeezes his.

Then, it squeezes again. Apologetically this time.

« I didn't know what else to call him. He doesn't want the fame attached to his name back. So, calling him his first name might lead people... »

The aging woman pauses before chuckling and stating the weird comment seems oddly perfect for Jesse. She asks the Director if she wants her regular order, to which Jesse answers affimatively to. She then tilts her head to look back at Alan and nods to the menu. ]

Does anything look good?

[ On some level, he knows that she's put in a lot of hours caring for him, and he knows it can't have been easy. He didn't make it easy, because how could dealing with the aftermath of thirteen years of hell be easy?

He owes her, even if she insists that he doesn't; she hasn't gotten to have much of a life because of him. He's convinced that she deserves a real life: a life together with someone, a life of coming home to that special someone at the end of the long work day.

What they have now is a far cry from the life he wants to give her. So while he won't be forcing himself to push ahead until he breaks, he knows he has to push himself at least a little: at least enough that he can function like a normal person. Like a normal partner.

He squeezes her hand in return, warmly and hopefully communicating to her that he loves her.

He scans the menu, still uncertain what he should even choose, but in the end, he decides the simplest option is probably the best. ]

Maybe just black coffee. [ Anything else seems too complicated to him somehow. And he dimly remembers her giving him coffee before that he never drank. Maybe this is a chance to rectify that. ]

[ There had been an attempt in earlier loops to offer him coffee and a more humanized experience. Thar was eventually done away with when it became obvious that the story would refuse to let anyone act like humans. Everyone had to be a monster to a degree. Some were never allowed to be anything but monsters. Those were the ones the story truly took.

The owner nods to the order. Jesse pulls out her wallet and pays before the two are shuffled off to a small sitting area next to an electric fireplace. Autumn has started to come around to New York City. A good time to get Alan a wardrobe for the change of seasons.

A season she won't bring up because neither of them need to really think how Deerfest is around the corner.

She takes a seat at the couch. Then, she moves closer to him once Alan sits down. ]

[ There's a reason he picked a simple drink like a cup of black coffee. The threads of a memory are trying to form themselves in his mind, but they're slow to come back. When was this? Was it the first loop or the fiftieth? I don't even remember. I just remember a thermos with coffee in it, and Jesse gave it to me.

Could something as simple as a coffee thermos be the key? It's a crazy thought, right? Part of Alan says yes, that it's a crazy thought, but another part latches onto it as if it's his last hope of remembering. Maybe it's not that dire, but that doesn't stop him from latching onto it anyway.

Once their drinks are paid for and they're shuffled off to a sitting area, Alan slowly sits down on the couch, a little stiffly at first, but then gradually, he relaxes against the cushions. ]

Thanks for this, Jesse. [ He knows she'll understand his meaning. It's not just about the coffee or the coffee shop, although those are obviously part of it. It's about this being one of the first normal things that they've gotten to do together, and he already knows that the reason he's been able to make it this far is because of her. ]

[ She can't remember what loop or what small variants fit into which ones. Facts, she remembers. Specific events. She remembers trying to give him a thermos of coffee. They even went to the Oh Deer Diner for breakfast once... maybe more. Then, the first time, they actually talked at the field agents building. Two parautalitarians getting to meet someone like them for the first time.

That was the important memory to keep at first.

« Then... everything else followed. »

"Romance" might not be the right word... but "love" is the word that works the most.

She stills until he has relaxed into the sofa. Then, her head rests hesitantly on his arm. Hands clamp around the one she holds. Trying to make sure to anchor him in the moment as she has had to do so many times before. The times she does even now despite them living in reality. ]

You're welcome. [ Her eyes close at the sound of their order being made. The gentle music above that sounds nothing like the dream motel she knows. Some coffee mix from YouTube trying not to be jazz. ] Where do you want to go next?

[ « Shopping could be intense for him... clothes, food, just walking around town might be too much. We won't know until we try. I'm just worried it won't work like everything else hasn't. » ]

Edited 2024-10-02 02:58 (UTC)

[ For Alan, there's been a certain wariness when it comes to trying to recall the loops, even the smallest details from them. He's felt brushes of apprehension bordering on horror when he tries to recall things that happened in the loops, and he's not quite sure why. What he is sure of is that some terrible things happened and maybe it's best for both of them to not try and remember.

That sinking feeling combined with a feeling of a cold sweat speaks volumes. It tells him that maybe he shouldn't dive too deeply into the chaos of his own memories. Who knows what he'll remember and how it will make them feel?

What he does want to remember is them. The times that they got to be together and be themselves, without the story pushing and pulling at them. He knows they had those times; sometimes, those times became rather intimate. At least, that's what he thinks the stirring feeling means.

It's a delicate dance, trying to recover old memories while avoiding the terrifying ones.

He smiles when he feels her head rest against his arm, hands clamping around his own. This feels right. He feels complete. He hopes she feels that too. ]

Where to go next... [ He quiets for a few seconds as he tries to think. ]

Shopping? Browsing? People still do that, right? [ He's not sure if he can do it, but as her thoughts have said, they won't know until they try. ] Do you have somewhere you like to go?

[ Maybe once, years ago now, he knew the layout of the streets like the back of his own hand, but to Alan, the streets look foreign to him now. Sometimes an image flares to life of a darker New York; not just dark, but completely covered in darkness with the only light being from a dim street lamp.

When those images come, he has to shake his head and try to dislodge them from his mind. It's not like that here, not even when night falls. But then again, he doesn't even like looking out at the street once the sun has gone down, so maybe he doesn't really know what it's like out there, not anymore.

At least in daytime, with Jesse's help, maybe he can familiarize himself with the city again. ]

[ They were certainly intimate. The exact images may not come to mind, but the emotions and the knowledge that it did happen are enough for Jesse. The fact that he can shift a certain way or brush against her hand in one manner and send a thrill down her spine is enough to tell her that they have been. Though, it's not necessarily just the act of being intimate that she finds herself longing to have again.

What she wishes to regain is that ability for them to sync. That ability for them to hit that frequency where the resonance she generates can resonate with the abilities unlocked by forces in him. The place where only the two of them can seem to go when those pieces slide into place. Being intimate is the easiest way, but holding hands and simply sitting together also works. The ability to harmonize on the wave length.

It's something they haven't been able to achieve since he came home. His mind is so clouded and distracted that there's hardly a time or chance for them to find one another that way. She's noticed that while he can sense and feel Polaris? Her friend hasn't been let in like before. Which makes the ability to lock into their frequency almost impossible.

Her fingers gently glide along his own. ]

They do. [ A shifting nod. ] We can just wander until you find something.

[ « That just seems like the best option. »

Jesse hesitates for a moment. Then, her head tilts. She gently presses her lips and chin to his arm. A small gesture that she hopes he understands. ]

Edited 2024-10-02 20:11 (UTC)

[ Sometimes Alan thinks he can remember the times they were intimate together. Specific details seem to be elusive and difficult for him to focus on, but he remembers little things like the touch of her hand, or the feeling of her lips pressed against his. Other times, he remembers something more, like a feeling of slight pressure, as if he's recalling a time in which they put aside boundaries and roadblocks and became one, pressing themselves into each other as they kissed or did something else intimate.

He wants that back, just as he wants the kind of synchronicity back that they once had. Maybe he barely remembers it, but the memories of it are there and they're trying to make their way back into his mind again. He doesn't want to be distracted and far away like this forever.

He wants to be there for Jesse in every sense, not halfway there as his mind remains somewhere else. His gaze lowers, looking at where her hand is resting, as he tries to take hold of those elusive memories again. ]

Wandering with you sounds nice, even if we don't end up finding something.

[ He knows he just wants to be with her, no matter what they end up doing, and that thought solidifies in his mind when he sees her moving, and feels her press her lips and chin to his arm.

His head tilts down in return, and one arm moves to circle around her protectively but also lovingly and his hold on her hand tightens just a fraction. ]

I really love you, you know that, right? [ He hopes that she does; he hopes that she doesn't doubt his commitment because of the fact that they have yet to really be in sync as they used to be. ]

[ Jesse nods to his statement. Saying "okay" again and again seems pointless. He's able to hear what she says even when she never vocalizes it anyways.

He shifts to wrap his arm around her and she frowns. Not out of dislike, but attempting to keep everything contained where it belongs inside. Especially in public. Before he can question if he had done something wrong, Jesse turns into him. Her head rests on his shoulder. Her hands clutch onto his more. ]

I know. [ She says it gently, barely above a whisper. Now isn't the time for her to crumble. She's in public. Alan needs her to be almost like the Director while they go out. She'll figure it out. Deal with it. ] I don't doubt it.

[ « I just... I miss him. »

All of these emotions are drummed up because of the other her. That was where all this started this morning. Jesse sharply inhales and gently presses her forehead into his shoulder before squaring her own. Putting herself back together. ]

We'll wander around. See what we can find.

Edited 2024-10-04 02:50 (UTC)

[ Maybe that's part of the problem, at least as far as Alan is concerned. What happened to being someone with a great grasp of words and how to say them? Did he ever really have that skill, or is that just one more thing he lost to the Dark Place? Sometimes, it feels to him that he just doesn't know what to say, or that he can't find the words to use to say what's on his mind.

Still, at least he can still tell what's on Jesse's mind, if nothing else. He can still tell what she's trying to get across to him even if she doesn't use words to do it. That's always been how they are, and he's relieved that's still there, but...

Why does it feel like I'm still not on the same page as her? What happened to our connection? What do I need to do to get it back?

He realizes that all he really wants is to just be with her like they are right now: holding hands, holding onto each other... it doesn't even matter to him that they're in public and that people might see them.

She responds with those words and he responds in turn by leaning into her more as well, just seeking that closeness that they can still manage, even if the rest of it hasn't fallen into place just yet.

He nods in return to her statement, because words aren't really needed. She probably knows that he'd follow her anywhere she decided to go, because he doesn't want to lose her again or be separated from her again. Maybe some would call that strange or unsettling, but that's not how he means it. They spent so long trying to get back to each other even with all the loops trying to keep them apart, so in his mind, it only makes sense.

Then, Alan registers footsteps approaching and his gaze shifts to see the coffee they ordered being brought over. He doesn't let go of Jesse's hand, and he takes his time straightening up from where he leaned into her. Hopefully the shop owner doesn't mind what they're doing. He tries to offer a small smile by way of thanks for making the drinks and bringing them over to them; it doesn't feel as strange as he thought it would, so he decides that's a good sign. Maybe he really can adjust to being back after all. ]

Edited 2024-10-05 20:03 (UTC)

[ She wonders if she's the one that demands too much. He may not be able to be at that level they were when they met and were trapped in the story. Maybe their synchronicity was a byproduct of the story. Their gravitational pull more a factor of Polaris and the Champion of Light reacting. Now that Alan has been removed from the supernatural, and he seemingly has lost the ability to have visions, maybe that aspect of their relationship has gone away along with "Return."

« I'll deal with it if it has. I'm not letting him go just because his parautalitarian abilities are apparently dormant. Or, he can't use them. Whatever it ends up being. »

She reaches her hand out to take the cup from the cafe owner. A short conversation of thanks and well wishes is said back and forth. A long glance is sent at the two in curiosity before another customer walks in and the attention shifts.

Jesse settles back against Alan and quietly sips her coffee. She doesn't look at Alan to see if he's started drinking or even ask if he enjoys it. If she were to be honest? She expects him to simply hold it and it go untouched. That's simply how the pattern has been. She understands. There's no point in continually trying to push him. It hardly worked for him in 2010, it won't work for him now. ]

It's fall now... so maybe we should go clothes shopping. Find you something warmer to wear.

[ He would have to disagree with that, because he wants to regain what they seem to have lost. It can't be lost permanently; it's a vital part of their relationship as far as he's concerned and he's determined to get it back as soon as he can.

It's one of the few things he has to do at any cost, and he knows she might not like the idea of him pushing himself, but it's all he can think of to do.

What happened to me when I came home? Did I lose the ability to sense... other things? The supernatural? That's what drew her to me in the first place: two people who can see past the poster and can do things others can't. If I can't do that anymore, will she still want me?

He can't know that she's just thought to herself that she won't let him go even if that turns out to be the case. Suddenly it feels as though a cold hand has clenched onto his heart and he feels a sinking sense of dread that he tries to cover up.

Once they have their coffee, Alan wraps his hand around his, trying to let the warmth of the drink seep into his skin. It's only in his mind, he's sure, but he feels like he can't get properly warm after his time in the Dark Place. A chill seems to have settled into his bones that he can't dislodge.

He settles against Jesse in return, and after ten or fifteen seconds of staring at the drink in his hand, he slowly lifts the cup and brings it to his lips. Just a few drops slide past and down his throat, and he pauses, trying to decide how this feels. It's foreign still, but he can't let that stop him.

Next, he takes a bigger sip and lets the liquid slide down his throat. It's hot and bitter because he's drinking it black and it feels like it's burning his throat a little, but he can't tell if that's from the temperature or because he forgot the sensation of drinking something and his body's first instinct is to reject it as something unwelcome.

But he doesn't bring up any of this, focusing instead on Jesse and her suggestion. ]

Yeah... and what about you? You probably need some too, right?

Edited 2024-10-06 18:29 (UTC)

I have enough, but, we'll see if something sticks out. You're the focus of today. As much as you hate being in the spotlight.

[ A feeling she knows well because she hates being the center of attention too. Unfortunately, she doesn't get the luxury now that she is the Director. Everything comes down to a call she has to make. She has to balance how she wants to lead the Buearu as well as try to make sure the Board doesn't catch on.

« I can't remember if I had the chance to even tell him about the Board. We probably forgot it during all the loops. It might be for the best. »

She only quickly glances at him when he lifts the cup to his lips. A glance away and then she is back to focusing on her drink. Quicker than he'd notice. He isn't being watched or under a microscope. He'll either drink it or he won't and trying to watch him will achieve the opposite effect than what she hopes will be the result.

Even if he can't see anymore? She isn't giving him up. That might of been what attracted her in the first place, but, he knows how the world really is. He accepts her, Polaris, and everything else. That matters more to her than if he can still be a parautalitarian or not. She loves the determination and ability to over come his fears despite it all.

« Besides... who else can understand what I'm saying without saying it? Who else just throws my walls to the side with a few quick words? That means more to me than his ability to see world behind the poster. » ]

... and if you see something you like for either of us? Let me know. You need your things in the apartment too.

Edited 2024-10-07 02:10 (UTC)

The focus, huh? I've never liked that, not even when I was trying to promote my books before. But as long as it's with you, I don't mind so much.

[ He's not really sure when he became so content with being quiet in the background. Probably thirteen years of having his mind poked at didn't help with his mindset. Now, he just wants a nice life with Jesse. No spotlights, no interviews, no publicity.

Fortunately, he doesn't notice Jesse watching him as he takes sips of the coffee. He's so focused on trying to drink it that her glances go completely unnoticed. He's not sure if he likes it, but how much of that is having forgotten what eating and drinking is? He stares down at the coffee, wondering if this is just how it's going to be for him: he'll eat and drink but not really enjoy it. It'll be something that he does, but that's it. It's just an action like getting up in the morning and getting dressed.

I don't want that. I want it to be more than that; I want it to be normal. But maybe I'll never have that again.

Fingers curl more around the coffee cup as he tries to navigate his thoughts and reactions before he decides to just put that to the side for now. ]

... Like what kind of things? I don't think I was much of a decorator even before all this.

[ He can't quite picture the apartment he shared with Alice, and even if he could, he wouldn't want to bring elements of that into Jesse's apartment. This space is theirs, but it was hers first. Somehow, he feels like he needs to respect that.

He wouldn't know where to start with picking out things to bring to the apartment. ]

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