outlierdirector: ▮ <lj user="outlierdirector">. (body▸to run from the light.)
ᴊᴇssᴇ ғᴀᴅᴇɴ | ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦʳᵉᶜᵗᵒʳ. ([personal profile] outlierdirector) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2024-04-13 08:24 pm

oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

OCEANVIEW PATHS

but we can leave our gilded cages.
Two worlds colliding
There ain't no bargaining
No giving in without a fight
CODE BY TESSISAMESS
crazyisinevitable: (0105)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-14 06:31 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know what I believe. [ He sees that smirk, and he doesn't really like it, because it's pretty clear to him that she doesn't believe he's her Alan. She knows he's not, and for some reason, that bothers him. ] What makes you say that? I say you deserve better, not that my opinion means anything here.

He should be treating you better; that's what I'd tell him. Maybe if I wrote down a message and left it for him somewhere for him to find. He'd probably just dismiss it, but what if he didn't? What if it made things better for you?

[ He looks in the direction she's gesturing, and he looks back at her with confusion. ]

Why do I feel like I'm not going to like what I find there? [ But he shrugs and takes a step forward as if moving to do what she said. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0155)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-14 07:52 am (UTC)(link)
[ Alan seems to freeze then as a strange image flashes into his mind: a room with two windows and a desk with a typewriter. If Beth notices anything, she might see his face pale slightly, but other than that, he tries not to look too rattled. The image fades from view, but that nagging headache still remains. ]

Yeah, I know. I get it, life isn't a picnic.

[ He sees her stare and he gets what she means even though she doesn't say anything. Maybe it's instinct, or maybe it's that feeling that he knows her well, even if he technically doesn't. Maybe he can just read her. ]

If he won't listen to anyone else, would he listen to himself? Well, himself but not himself.

Maybe I do, but I'm not getting any particular brainwaves, at least not yet. But if I do, you'll be the first to know. I'll be back, okay?

[ He nods to her and then heads up the stairs to the office. Once there, he takes a look around; it's a normal office, looking like it belongs to a writer. He could see himself writing here, anyway. Funny, because he does write here, just... not him him.

There's a picture on the desk that draws his attention: it's a picture of Beth's Alan standing next to her, and both of them are smiling. It's more than smiling; they look like they're laughing. Happy. So what the hell went wrong?

He looks away from the picture and sees a typewritten page on the desk. Alan picks it up and starts to read, and as he does so, he feels a chill creeping over him as if someone's slowly pouring ice cold water over him.

What is this? Why do I know this? Did he write this?

He picks up the page and heads back down the stairs and out the door to the back porch. ]


Hey. Do you know what this is?
crazyisinevitable: (0117)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
... You don't?

[ The admission confuses him, but it concerns him more. Clearly things haven't been going well for Beth and her Alan; it sounds to him that it's been a long time since things could be considered good between them. He wonders if there's anything that he can do.

Why does he want to help? Well, because he loves Beth- Jesse. Whatever her name is here. He loves her, even if she's not his to love.

There must be something he can do, something that will make a difference. ]


Why not? Even if- even if you have your problems, why wouldn't he let you read it? You could always just pick up a copy anyway, so why not read his notes?

[ He can imagine her Alan glaring at him and frowning as if telling him not to show her the page, but he's already decided to ignore that, and he holds the page out to her. ]

Go on, read it.
crazyisinevitable: (0119)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
No way. That can't be it. That- [ Alan finds himself shaking his head.

What if that's how Alice felt? What if that's what she wanted to do, except something changed her mind? I don't think she would have ever done that, but... did the Dark Presence try to make me think she wanted a divorce?

The thoughts spring unbidden into Alan's mind, and only then does he find himself having to admit that maybe he really isn't the Alan that belongs here: the Alan that belongs with Beth. And that Alan does belong with Beth. ]


He wouldn't do that. I don't know how I know that, but I'm convinced that he wouldn't. He won't divrce you.

[ Alan's gaze lowers and he finally says the admission out loud: ] I guess I'm not him. But even though I'm not, I still want to help before I have to go.

[ His eyes narrow slightly as he weighs his options here. Should he insist that she read the page even though she doesn't want to? ]

I don't think he'd think that, not after what he's written here. Written about you.
crazyisinevitable: (0175)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
And maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would ruin his life. Maybe it would make yours worse. I don't think that's how your stories end.

[ And if there's one thing Alan knows, it's stories. Some instinct or flash of inspiration tells him Beth and Alan will be all right. ]

Then whose job is it? Someone has to help. I want to help, and maybe it'll turn out that I can't, but I have to do something. Maybe that's why I'm here.

[ His gaze travels over to the manuscript page again before he looks back at her, that old determination suddenly flaring to life in his eyes. It's been a long time since he felt this determined about anything, but now it's woken up and doesn't seem to want to go back to sleep. ]

Well, he did this time, I'm sure of it. Even if this is a draft of a page, I know he was thinking about you.
crazyisinevitable: (0122)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-20 05:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I'm a writer. Not much of one, but other people say differently.

[ He still thinks he's a far cry from being Steven King or any of the greats; maybe her Alan feels the same way. He remembers having lofty dreams of writing great novels and feeling proud of his writing, and while he's not not proud of his books, part of him thinks that dream he had when he first started is a little out of reach now. ]

Maybe, but I'd still like to help. I'm not your Alan, but I can still help somehow. Even if all you do is tell me to take out the garbage.

[ He focuses back on her when she makes that gesture. He sees no reason why he shouldn't be up front with her about who he is and what similarities he has with her Alan. ]

Yeah... I thought what I was seeing was just inspiration, ideas that came from my imagination or things I was seeing or noticing, but it's more than that. It just took me some time to really see it.

[ Then, Alan's expression darkens. ]

Yeah, I know about the Lake. I know too much about it, and yet it seems like I don't know anything about it at all.

[ Then he shrugs. ]

Whether it's happened or not, I think this page means he still cares about you and wants to keep you safe.
crazyisinevitable: (012)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-24 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
Are we really that different? Maybe the paths split at some point down the line, but maybe we started out the same.

[ Alan's expression turns thoughtful again as he considers the problem that Alan and Beth have been dealing with. There has to be something he can do before he leaves, presumably for good. ]

What if something changed? What if it changed, and the two of you stayed together? I don't think you want to let him go, and honestly, I don't think he wants to let you go either.

[ I hope you've figured out how you want to use it. The Master of Many Worlds. All I wanted was to come home. ]

I wanted to use it as a way to bring me home. I don't want power or popularity or anything like that. I just wanted to come home. I just wanted to go back to living. If things happen because of what I can see... that's fine, but I don't want to become... a monster.

[ He's not really sure where that came from, or if it came out of some unspoken fear, but it's not wrong. He wants to be normal. He wants to live, preferably with Jesse. ]

No, I don't think there's ever going to be anyone who knows everything about the Lake or things like it, no matter how long it gets studied.

Those pages, though. I think bad things happened; of course they did. "This story is a monster." Bad things happened, and he was trying to protect you. He's still trying to protect you.
crazyisinevitable: (0105)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-25 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
I wouldn't deny it; I've seen too much, been through too much... I've seen other people go through too much too. I know it's real, and I know there's real danger out there.

That can't be it; that can't be how your story ends. [ He's not sure why it bothers him so much that Alan and Beth seem so estranged. Maybe it's because he can see himself and Alice in the two of them. Maybe he can see something similar happening to himself and Jesse. He doesn't want that. He never really wanted to be estranged from Alice. It can't happen to Alan and Beth too, not if there's anything he can do about it. ]

There must be a way to fix this. I want to help fix this.

[ The question that remains is how. ]

Anyone can become a monster. Sometimes it takes a long time; sometimes it takes no time at all, but anyone can become one. Alan- your Alan won't become one. I'll go back eventually, but I'm not ready to go yet. There's still things I can do here, I know there are.

[ He watches Beth's reactions, wondering how she'll take the revelation that her Alan thought about her enough to mention her on the page. If he mentioned her there, then there's probably more, right? She continues to react, and he watches as the color seems to drain from her face, worrying him at first, but then she looks up at him and stares at him... through him...

Then she grabs her wrist and he has no choice but to stumble along after her until they reach their destination: her Alan's study. She walks inside, and he follows after her, suddenly uncertain about whether or not he should be here.

It looks familiar to Alan, which tells him that he and her Alan aren't too different in some ways, even if they are in others. Suddenly, though, his musings are interrupted by her handing two books over to him. ]


About me? I guess you could say that. [ The covers look the same, but he wonders if what's written in them is the same too. ]

Have you read these?
crazyisinevitable: (0129)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-26 08:23 am (UTC)(link)
What if he wants to accept it deep down but he's just not ready to? What if... Something has to happen to make him willing to accept that the world is bigger than what we can see. I'm not talking about forcing him to; he needs to realize it on his own.

[ A look of determination slides back into place then; maybe it never left, but it's resurfacing now. ]

I know that; I know it's not like that, but some things last. The things that matter last. The relationships with people who matter... those last.

[ He feels a small sting when he says that, and Alice's face appears in his mind's eye. ]

Maybe back then, he didn't want to use their real names. Maybe they weren't 1:1 for people he knew. Maybe he made them just similar enough that they'd be recognizable if someone looked closely, but he didn't paint a big sign on each one.

[ But he does as he's told and he looks at the different books. It feels strange to him to hold the books and leaf carefully through them. In a way, they feel alive... alive and familiar, even if maybe they're not carbon copies of pages he typed out with his own hands. ]

I wonder if the versions I wanted to write would have looked like this. [ He realizes too late that that sentence probably doesn't make sense to her, and that it raises red flags... If not red flags, then certainly questions. He certainly has questions, but maybe he doesn't have the right to know the answers. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0105)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 05:22 am (UTC)(link)
People change, don't they? I did. I've done it- several times. I used to be an asshole, a really big one. Now... I just want to be normal. Well, I can't be normal, but I want to try and have a semi-normal life. Quiet would be nice too. I know there's no pretending that the world is just what we see in front of us. Maybe... maybe he's just having a hard time admitting that.

[ Now it's his turn for his gaze to drift to one side, and he shakes his head. ]

How would that conversation even go? I don't think we could have both of us in one room, or even should do that. Maybe I could write something for him, or call him on the phone. It's going to sound insane, but I called myself on the phone when- when I was on the other side.

[ He has more questions for her, but he registers the door bell ringing at the same time that she does, and he wonders if maybe he should leave, or wake up, or whatever the hell this is. He stays back in the hallway as Beth moves to the door to greet whoever has shown up.

The voice he hears is a familiar one though; it's one he'd recognize anywhere. The only thing that's missing is the familiar humming that he came to associate with Tim.

He can only hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but it sounds like they're discussing watching the interview, and suddenly he feels awkward about being here. And just like that, he hears her addressing him, and he can't pretend to be part of the scenery anymore. ]


Uh, hi, Tim. How's it going? [ If he just sounds cool and calm, it'll be fine, right? Right. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0118)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 08:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ Of course Alan knows that she's right. People do have to want to change, and he doesn't have enough information here to know whether or not her Alan truly wants to change. He finds himself briefly distracted by the mention of Barry, someone he hasn't seen in quite awhile now. ] So Barry's still around and kicking. That's good.

[ Maybe that means that the Barry I know is all right too. He'd better be all right. ]

Barry or...? [ Of course it didn't escape his notice that Beth didn't finish that sentence, and so he wonders who else she was talking about.

But then Tim speaks up again, and Alan finds himself once again distracted by what the other man says. ]


You know, I don't even remember the last time I really enjoyed Deerfest. I definitely can't remember a time when I had a real vacation, either. [ Too late, Alan realizes that maybe he shouldn't have said either of those things. But Beth knows he's not her Alan, right? Maybe he shouldn't try to carry on the ruse, but he can't help it. ]

Taking an actual vacation would be nice, wouldn't it? [ He glances sidelong at Beth, giving her a halfway warm smile. He doesn't want to overdo it in front of Tim, but he doesn't want to appear stone cold either.

Beth and Tim exchange some words before Beth limps off down the hallway; Alan can't stop himself from frowning. Just because Beth isn't his Jesse doesn't mean that he likes the sight of her walking with a limp or being upset about her strained relationship with her Alan. ]


That's not all she's wound up about, and between you and me, I'm still trying to figure out how to fix that.
crazyisinevitable: (064)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2024-10-27 06:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I'm glad to know that he's still around, at least for the two of you. The last time I saw Barry, I was saying goodbye, because I had to go. I had to go finish the story and fix the mess that I was dealing with. I don't know where he is now, but wherever he is, I hope he's doing okay.

[ Then Alan gives her an apologetic look and rubs the back of his neck. ]

Sorry, you really didn't need to know all that.

[ Somehow, having Tim and Beth here makes Alan feel... better. Of course, Beth isn't Jesse, and Tim isn't the same one he ran into all over the Dark Place, but they're familiar faces, and both of them helped Alan along the way when he found himself trapped and far from home. ]

A real vacation... That would be nice, even if I have no idea what that looks like. But don't you think it would be weird to go on vacation just as I'm releasing a new book?

[ A flash of an image, or a recollection, or something flares to life in his mind. It's just a series of images and a feeling of being able to just read Jesse and know what's on her mind or what's bothering her. Beth isn't the same as Jesse, but she has some of the little tells that he's come to recognize from Jesse. Maybe he can help her open up and somehow help her with her problems with Alan at the same time. ]

Yeah, the book releases when Deerfest starts. I- Well, I thought it was fitting, and I'm not the greatest when it comes to marketing, but I thought that having it release during Deerfest might boost numbers or something like that. [ He pauses and then he chuckles, still trying to play the part. ] Or maybe that was Barry's idea.

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-10-28 04:46 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-10-28 07:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-10-30 05:43 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-03 03:39 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazywall - 2024-11-03 05:26 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-04 07:20 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazywall - 2024-11-04 08:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-05 03:10 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazywall - 2024-11-06 08:45 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-10 00:15 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazywall - 2024-11-10 21:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-12 06:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-23 19:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-24 08:45 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-25 05:26 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-11-29 06:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2024-12-27 08:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-06 02:39 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-12 20:00 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-17 07:29 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-19 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-20 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-20 07:17 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-27 07:53 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-01-31 07:26 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-02-17 04:46 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable - 2025-02-18 08:40 (UTC) - Expand