synthneon | oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

[ For Alan, the next few minutes and the drive to the house feel like they stretch on for forever. He keeps a close eye on Beth... Jesse... He can't seem to settle on what name to call her, as both names come to mind almost interchangeably. The expression on her face seems familiar to him, but he's seen someone else wear it. Not Beth, but Jesse. What the hell is going on here?

Unlike Beth, who doesn't seem to want to draw attention to the pain in her ankle, Alan presses his hands against both sides of his head as the headache only seems to grow as the car makes its way along.

Finally, they reach the destination: a large house a good distance away from Bright Falls. Why did we pick this place? Because it's far from town, and farther still from the lake. Yeah...

Beth- Jesse... She gets out of the car and beckons to him to follow her, which he does. Once inside, he looks around him, but he immediately seems to have his bearings. How?

Beth motions again, and then she steps away to go somewhere... their room, probably? But when Alan goes to the master bedroom, he notices immediately that something's wrong here. Only one side of the bed looks like it's been used, and half of the room doesn't look like it's been used at all.

We're not sleeping in the same room anymore? Why? What happened? This isn't- It's wrong.

Alan's quick to change his clothes too, slipping into a loose t-shirt, shorts, and socks, and then he heads back to look for Jesse. Beth. Why do I keep doing that?

He thought he heard her moving around the kitchen and then opening the door that leads to the back porch, so that's where he goes too. ]

... Beth?

[ Beth holds onto the can of sparkling water. Her green eyes raise to him after he says her name. She sits up proper, leg tucked under neath her. Her ankle still throbs, but she refuses to put ice on it and let him know she's reinjured it. It was going to be her attempt at being artistic again... a way to try and reconnect... ]

What is it?

[ Something tells her that he is going to want to talk to her. A long talk. Maybe he's finally realizing he isn't her Alan. Then again, a lot of people would try to say Alan isn't the person that she married thirteen years ago. ]

Drinks are in the fridge. Feel free to help yourself.

[ There's so much he wants to say, but something inside him is afraid to say all of it. What if she shuts him down? She'd be right to, wouldn't she? But he won't know anything until he tries. ]

Uh- [ Smooth start, but he's working up to it. ]

Thanks, but I'm fine. I wanted... I guess I wanted to talk about us. About you.

[ He rubs the back of his neck before adding: ]

You'll probably say you don't want to talk to me.

What questions do you have?

[ The weird and strange are her world. His is art. Maybe hers would of been art if the accident hadn't happened. Then again, maybe they wouldn't have met if it hadn't have happened. They only met because they were both at Hartman's clinic.

Which turned out darker than she expected. ]

You obviously have them.

Yeah, I have them.

[ It's not about art or the weird and strange, but something more domestic. ]

What happened? Why aren't we sharing a room? I mean, not "me", but the other "me". The Alan that you know.

[ That's so weird for him to say, especially since he has yet to wrap his mind around there being another Alan. ]

What did I do? [ Because something tells him that it was his fault. ]

[ Beth keeps her gaze evenly on him. So, he still hasn't fully realized that he isn't the Alan she married. He's Alan Wake, but, something tells her that he has someone else waiting for him. ]

You'd have to ask him. [ Green eyes fall away. Then, they dart to the side in a familiar motion. ] It was his idea.

[ I never wanted this.

She didn't want the rift to happen between them. She never wanted him to feel as if she was never at his side supporting him. If that was the reason. She offered to go to every press conference, every interview. It had been fine with "Departure" and "Initation."

What about "Return" has turned him away? ]

He insisted.

Edited 2024-10-13 08:31 (UTC)

[ This makes about as much sense to Alan as the existence of otherworldly entities that can turn a lake into a dark reality does, but even if he himself refuses to believe in such things, one thing he does believe in is the fact that Jesse... Beth... Whatever name she uses, wouldn't lie. ]

Okay. Well, he's not here, so I'm just going to listen to you. [ That's something, right? It's not exactly trust, but it's close. Or maybe it's not close at all, but it's not outright disbelief either. ]

Why would he- Never mind, I don't want to know. But... What if you moved back in? Would you want to?

[ Then it occurs to him that maybe that's why she knows he's not the Alan that married her. Maybe it's too soon for him to even know this, but good instincts is something that Alan thinks he has sometimes, and well... if it was her Alan's idea for them to sleep in separate rooms, an Alan who wants to change that again must be different. ]

I guess that's how you know I'm not him, huh?

He'd probably move out of the room. Sleep in his office. It's where he spends most his time.

Why wouldn't I want to? I don't want anything like this. It's not a marriage. It's... just cohabitation. [ Beth sighs. Closes her eyes. Tilts her head away. ] I know you're not him because of your eyes.

He hasn't looked at me that way in awhile.

[ She can remember seeing that look in Alan's eyes when he would turn to see her. How he just seemed to light up. Whatever on his mind was gone because for some reason he would focus on her. She could feel the love in his gaze. Not that she wanted to be the single attention in the room. It was more that she could feel how he wanted to make sure she knew how much he loved her in a single look.

That feeling and look isn't there now when her Alan sees her. At least, it feels as if it's gone. She's his wife, but she's just one other person adding to whatever other pressure he is under with the book release. She's just like everyone else around him--someone that must make him unhappy.

None of this was an issue until he got closer to finishing "Return." ]

Still... he's my husband. The only person I have. Even if I'm not the same for him now.

[ Maybe he's found another person to love. Maybe he's fallen out of love with her. Maybe he can't pretend to put up with the supernatural no matter how much she shields him from it. She has no idea. They don't talk anymore. Not really.]

Edited 2024-10-14 03:06 (UTC)

[ The more Alan hears, the more he hates what he's hearing. This isn't right; it's not how things are supposed to be. What went wrong between Beth and her Alan?

There has to be something I can do to help. ]

Okay. [ Alan takes a breath and lets it out before he continues. ] What started all this? Why did he become so... different?

[ Alan's expression shifts to one of worry, of concern and wanting to help. Can he help at all? He's not sure, but he knows he wants to try. ]

I think I understand now why you asked who I was. I'm not like your Alan, because- well, you're important, and you deserve better.

[ Alan's expression turns thoughtful as he tries to think of what he could do that would help. ]

If I could grab your Alan by the collar and shake some sense into him, I'd do it.

[ Apparently a novel went wrong. No, it might not be just the novel. It might be the fact she has the job she has. She could quit... do something else... join Rose's neighborhood watch... but would that really solve the problems? Would that really fix whatever is wrong with their relationship? ]

So, you believe you're not my Alan. [ A sly glance is sent to him with a bit of a smirk. Then, her gaze falls again. The smirk disappears. ] I don't know about deserving better.

[ Her shoulders fall. She most likely doesn't deserve it. If losing her family was any indication... then her ankle... why not Alan as well? ]

He probably would say you're just a figment of his imagination and brush off anything you had to say. [ A hand raises and gestures to the window above that leads to his office. A round window. ] Go see what's in his office. That'll answer your question.

I don't know what I believe. [ He sees that smirk, and he doesn't really like it, because it's pretty clear to him that she doesn't believe he's her Alan. She knows he's not, and for some reason, that bothers him. ] What makes you say that? I say you deserve better, not that my opinion means anything here.

He should be treating you better; that's what I'd tell him. Maybe if I wrote down a message and left it for him somewhere for him to find. He'd probably just dismiss it, but what if he didn't? What if it made things better for you?

[ He looks in the direction she's gesturing, and he looks back at her with confusion. ]

Why do I feel like I'm not going to like what I find there? [ But he shrugs and takes a step forward as if moving to do what she said. ]

Life says otherwise.

[ Beth's even stare to him tells him that she doesn't think any of it would work. What hasn't she tried? What hasn't Tim or Rose tried? They're the best friends--minus Barry Wheeler, who thinks Alan never should of left New York--but this wasn't their place to stick their nose in. Beth doesn't even think it was her place to say anything either. Alan is the one that has made all the decisions with no room to argue or negotiate. ]

Maybe you already know something, since you think you're him. [ A hand raises again and gestures to the round window. ] Me telling you won't do any good. We both know that. Who knows? You might find out why you're here and where my Alan has gone.

[ Alan seems to freeze then as a strange image flashes into his mind: a room with two windows and a desk with a typewriter. If Beth notices anything, she might see his face pale slightly, but other than that, he tries not to look too rattled. The image fades from view, but that nagging headache still remains. ]

Yeah, I know. I get it, life isn't a picnic.

[ He sees her stare and he gets what she means even though she doesn't say anything. Maybe it's instinct, or maybe it's that feeling that he knows her well, even if he technically doesn't. Maybe he can just read her. ]

If he won't listen to anyone else, would he listen to himself? Well, himself but not himself.

Maybe I do, but I'm not getting any particular brainwaves, at least not yet. But if I do, you'll be the first to know. I'll be back, okay?

[ He nods to her and then heads up the stairs to the office. Once there, he takes a look around; it's a normal office, looking like it belongs to a writer. He could see himself writing here, anyway. Funny, because he does write here, just... not him him.

There's a picture on the desk that draws his attention: it's a picture of Beth's Alan standing next to her, and both of them are smiling. It's more than smiling; they look like they're laughing. Happy. So what the hell went wrong?

He looks away from the picture and sees a typewritten page on the desk. Alan picks it up and starts to read, and as he does so, he feels a chill creeping over him as if someone's slowly pouring ice cold water over him.

What is this? Why do I know this? Did he write this?

He picks up the page and heads back down the stairs and out the door to the back porch. ]

Hey. Do you know what this is?

I don't know.

[ The answer is soft, vulnerable. Truthful. She has no idea what will help Alan anymore. Part of her thinks he doesn't want to be helped and would rather do everything all on his own. Or, maybe, Alan has given up on their marriage and their.... everything. She has no idea on any of it. Guessing has just led her down a path of continual fear and worry.

She watches him move back inside.

The door closes behind him.

Beth waits a moment.

She gently rubs at her ankle. The inflammation is there and pounding. That doesn't matter much to her. She needs to push past it in order to dance again. If she can dance again, then he'll see that she isn't just about her job. She's trying to protect him from the dangers of Bright Falls.

That might not matter anymore. He just--maybe he wants a normal wife. Normal life. Which means being an artist and dancing.

Her hand quickly snaps away once the door opens again. Green eyes immediately move to his paled face. Then, they drop to the item in his hand. Eyebrows scrunch up slightly. ]

A manuscript page? He hasn't let me read anything from his new book.

... You don't?

[ The admission confuses him, but it concerns him more. Clearly things haven't been going well for Beth and her Alan; it sounds to him that it's been a long time since things could be considered good between them. He wonders if there's anything that he can do.

Why does he want to help? Well, because he loves Beth- Jesse. Whatever her name is here. He loves her, even if she's not his to love.

There must be something he can do, something that will make a difference. ]

Why not? Even if- even if you have your problems, why wouldn't he let you read it? You could always just pick up a copy anyway, so why not read his notes?

[ He can imagine her Alan glaring at him and frowning as if telling him not to show her the page, but he's already decided to ignore that, and he holds the page out to her. ]

Go on, read it.

No. I don't.

[ Beth keeps her gaze trained away as her frown deepens. It's clear that the questions Alan is asking are ones she has asked herself. Asked her Alan. No answers come either way. ]

Maybe he's fallen in love with someone else and is just waiting to give me the divorce papers until after "Return" goes public. That way it affect his publicity. Barry would have told him that.

[ I can't think of another reason. ]

So, realized you're not him yet? What about where you come from? Don't you have someone there? Maybe you're also a writer. [ Her eyes close. ] Hopefully it's going better for you. You should go back.

[ Her hand raises and she takes the manuscript page. She doesn't look over it. ]

I don't need him thinking I've betrayed his trust.

Edited 2024-10-20 03:50 (UTC)

No way. That can't be it. That- [ Alan finds himself shaking his head.

What if that's how Alice felt? What if that's what she wanted to do, except something changed her mind? I don't think she would have ever done that, but... did the Dark Presence try to make me think she wanted a divorce?

The thoughts spring unbidden into Alan's mind, and only then does he find himself having to admit that maybe he really isn't the Alan that belongs here: the Alan that belongs with Beth. And that Alan does belong with Beth. ]

He wouldn't do that. I don't know how I know that, but I'm convinced that he wouldn't. He won't divrce you.

[ Alan's gaze lowers and he finally says the admission out loud: ] I guess I'm not him. But even though I'm not, I still want to help before I have to go.

[ His eyes narrow slightly as he weighs his options here. Should he insist that she read the page even though she doesn't want to? ]

I don't think he'd think that, not after what he's written here. Written about you.

[ Alan denys it, but the expression on Beth's face says she doesn't quite believe it. Her chin rests in her hand as she turns her head away to hide her face. He doesn't need to see how upset the thought makes her. ]

Maybe he should. It would make him happier.

[ All Beth can see is how the years of living with her have made him miserable. A wife that will go out on night shifts to patrol the woods outside Cauldron Lake. One who works for the government and the local neighborhood watch. A wife who keeps her world hidden at his request. It's had to have broken down their relationship. It feels that initial pull is gone--that gravitational well that drew them together.

I'm the problem. I always have been. ]

It's not your job to fix this. Especially if it can't be fixed.

[ Her eyebrows knit together. Written about her? She's never been in his stories. Maybe a character inspired by her... but never her directly. She gently moves the page in her hand. ]

Alan doesn't put me in his stories. He doesn't believe in any of this.

And maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it would ruin his life. Maybe it would make yours worse. I don't think that's how your stories end.

[ And if there's one thing Alan knows, it's stories. Some instinct or flash of inspiration tells him Beth and Alan will be all right. ]

Then whose job is it? Someone has to help. I want to help, and maybe it'll turn out that I can't, but I have to do something. Maybe that's why I'm here.

[ His gaze travels over to the manuscript page again before he looks back at her, that old determination suddenly flaring to life in his eyes. It's been a long time since he felt this determined about anything, but now it's woken up and doesn't seem to want to go back to sleep. ]

Well, he did this time, I'm sure of it. Even if this is a draft of a page, I know he was thinking about you.

"Stories." You're a writer too then.

[ Beth slowly stands, making sure not to put the weight on her ankle. Then, she finally looks back at him. The manuscript remains in her hand but she fixes him a hard stare. A familiar one. One that another red headed woman has given him when her guard is up and she is warry of trusting another. ]

It's our job. Our mess to clean up.

[ A gesture is given to him. ] You're here, and you are an author like him. That means you can see. Can't you? Alan can. He just refuses to recongize it that way. Sometimes what he sees he makes stories based on... or sometimes pieces of them are in his stories.

You know what happens with the Lake then.

So, he wrote something and put me in it. Whatever is on this page hasn't happened.

Yeah, I'm a writer. Not much of one, but other people say differently.

[ He still thinks he's a far cry from being Steven King or any of the greats; maybe her Alan feels the same way. He remembers having lofty dreams of writing great novels and feeling proud of his writing, and while he's not not proud of his books, part of him thinks that dream he had when he first started is a little out of reach now. ]

Maybe, but I'd still like to help. I'm not your Alan, but I can still help somehow. Even if all you do is tell me to take out the garbage.

[ He focuses back on her when she makes that gesture. He sees no reason why he shouldn't be up front with her about who he is and what similarities he has with her Alan. ]

Yeah... I thought what I was seeing was just inspiration, ideas that came from my imagination or things I was seeing or noticing, but it's more than that. It just took me some time to really see it.

[ Then, Alan's expression darkens. ]

Yeah, I know about the Lake. I know too much about it, and yet it seems like I don't know anything about it at all.

[ Then he shrugs. ]

Whether it's happened or not, I think this page means he still cares about you and wants to keep you safe.

Now you sound like him.

[ Alan had never liked the fame trying to be personal, but he's always wanted to be compared to Stephen King. "Departure" was close, but still never seemed to hit the selling numbers of a novelist. Popular and a fan base, somewhat a household name.

I wonder if that's ever been enough. Especially after "Initiation." ]

I just want my Alan back. Even if it means we... don't stay together. [ A drop in her gaze suggests she's certain they'll have a divorce. She won't serve the papers, but she suspects Alan might. ] He'd at least be home.

[ Beth nods slowly. That's what they had observed from Alan--even going back to Hartman's research. ] So, any version of Alan could be like the both of you. Someone who can see. I hope you've figured out how you want to use it.

Sometimes we can't ever know everything about things like the Lake.

[ Beth's eyes narrow. She inhales sharply. Then, she looks down at the manuscript page that was handed to her. ]

Are we really that different? Maybe the paths split at some point down the line, but maybe we started out the same.

[ Alan's expression turns thoughtful again as he considers the problem that Alan and Beth have been dealing with. There has to be something he can do before he leaves, presumably for good. ]

What if something changed? What if it changed, and the two of you stayed together? I don't think you want to let him go, and honestly, I don't think he wants to let you go either.

[ I hope you've figured out how you want to use it. The Master of Many Worlds. All I wanted was to come home. ]

I wanted to use it as a way to bring me home. I don't want power or popularity or anything like that. I just wanted to come home. I just wanted to go back to living. If things happen because of what I can see... that's fine, but I don't want to become... a monster.

[ He's not really sure where that came from, or if it came out of some unspoken fear, but it's not wrong. He wants to be normal. He wants to live, preferably with Jesse. ]

No, I don't think there's ever going to be anyone who knows everything about the Lake or things like it, no matter how long it gets studied.

Those pages, though. I think bad things happened; of course they did. "This story is a monster." Bad things happened, and he was trying to protect you. He's still trying to protect you.

You're not denying what you are. What you can do. What's real.

[ A shake of her head as she glances to the side. ] If anything changes? It'll be after "Return" is released. Maybe even then... He's never wanted into my world. That's fine. I can accept that. But, he won't let me into his anymore. There's no place for "us." There might not be anymore.

[ How could Alan not want to let her go? It's not like he keeps her near him anyways. They live on opposite sides of the house. He brushed her off that morning when she met him at the car to wish him luck at the interview. She knows he hates interviews and public tours, but, it still felt personal. As if he didn't want to see her at all that morning. Or at all ever again. ]

You have a long way to go before you become a monster--in all meanings of the word. [ Beth has a certainty in her voice. She's sure of that fact despite only just meeting him. There's an assurance in her voice just like Jesse has. ] You should go back to wherever you come from then. You "live" there, not here.

[ Beth's gaze scans over the page once more. Her eyes widen and expression falls. Clearly, she's taken back by what is on the page. Eyes go to the top of the page and looks down it once more. The color drains in her face slightly, making her red hair stand out more. Then, green eyes immediately raise to his. They pierce through him as if trying to see something about him that he hasn't realized himself.

Then, with her free hand, she grabs his wrist and begins to drag him back into the house.

Down the hallway to Alan's study.

She opens the door and steps inside almost hesitantly. This is Alan's space--and it's quite obvious she is not to be allowed in that space. Her hand hovers on the door handle before finally gripping it and pushing it open. Once inside she moves to the bookcase in the room--purposely ignoring the typewriter--and grabs two books off the shelf.

"Departure" and "Initiation."

Beth hands them to Alan. ]

These are about you. Aren't they?

I wouldn't deny it; I've seen too much, been through too much... I've seen other people go through too much too. I know it's real, and I know there's real danger out there.

That can't be it; that can't be how your story ends. [ He's not sure why it bothers him so much that Alan and Beth seem so estranged. Maybe it's because he can see himself and Alice in the two of them. Maybe he can see something similar happening to himself and Jesse. He doesn't want that. He never really wanted to be estranged from Alice. It can't happen to Alan and Beth too, not if there's anything he can do about it. ]

There must be a way to fix this. I want to help fix this.

[ The question that remains is how. ]

Anyone can become a monster. Sometimes it takes a long time; sometimes it takes no time at all, but anyone can become one. Alan- your Alan won't become one. I'll go back eventually, but I'm not ready to go yet. There's still things I can do here, I know there are.

[ He watches Beth's reactions, wondering how she'll take the revelation that her Alan thought about her enough to mention her on the page. If he mentioned her there, then there's probably more, right? She continues to react, and he watches as the color seems to drain from her face, worrying him at first, but then she looks up at him and stares at him... through him...

Then she grabs her wrist and he has no choice but to stumble along after her until they reach their destination: her Alan's study. She walks inside, and he follows after her, suddenly uncertain about whether or not he should be here.

It looks familiar to Alan, which tells him that he and her Alan aren't too different in some ways, even if they are in others. Suddenly, though, his musings are interrupted by her handing two books over to him. ]

About me? I guess you could say that. [ The covers look the same, but he wonders if what's written in them is the same too. ]

Have you read these?

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