synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞

That doesn't answer the question. So you investigate things like this... the weird things that no one can explain, right? I get that, but what I don't get is... investigating doesn't mean believing, unless you already decided you believed me before you even walked in here.

[ Maybe he's being too skeptical, but something tells him he's not. ]

... The after effects. [ Names start forming in Alan's mind unbidden. ] After effects like Stucky and Rose? Rusty? Emma Sloan? And what about Bright Falls?

[ It might look fine, but there's an undercurrent of something. Maybe that something's always been there, or maybe it was accentuated by Alan. Because of Alan.

But he doesn't have time to think more about that, because the door opens, and the Ranger Captain walks inside. Alan also turns to look at him, but as far as he knows, he's just another person that's attached to the Bureau.

But before he knows it, Jesse is moving and walking away from him, leaving the room. The words she exchanges with the ranger don't seem important, because it's the fact that she's leaving that's struck a chord with Alan. She leaves, and the ranger says something about being outside if he needs anything, and then they're both gone.

Alan just stands there, hand slightly outstretched, although he doesn't remember moving to complete that action.

Wait...

The request for Jesse to wait never formed, and he never spoke it out loud, and now it's too late. Why?

He stares down at the keychain that she left behind, and he realizes that he didn't want her to go.

Faden. Miss Director. That's what the Ranger Captain called her.

Is it...? Is she who I've been trying to find? How could I have forgotten about her?

He realizes suddenly that he's standing up, and he doesn't remember doing that, but he suddenly and rather abruptly drops into the chair near the table, and he grabs the keychain, folding his fingers around it as if he never wants to let it go.

What the hell do I do now?

If the Ranger Captain happens to peer in again, he'll just see Alan sitting down, head in his hands, and the keychain clenched firmly in one of them. ]

[ Jesse hears the door close behind her. She can tell there isn't something that Estevez really needs. Her right hand man had bailed her out of a situation that was going to compromise things. A situation going out of control that needed to be salvaged. She glances behind her and the Ranger nods.

Jesse keeps moving. Walking. Her pace picks up. She's quickly walking to the room considered hers. She walks to the bed and simply sits down. Her hands are shaking. Trembling.

She inhales.

A moment later the door opens.

She looks up to see Estevez standing there.

The door closes.

Estevez takes a seat in the chair across the bed. Hands sit in her lap. A gesture is made.

« Right.... the whole story from 2010. She needs to know it. » ]

"How about we go back to thr start? And, no, it's not an interview. I don't have the authority to do that. But, I need to know, Jesse. I have people counting on me... and you do too."

[ « Stay with Alan. Okay? »

Meanwhile, the Ranger Captain steps back into the room with Alan. He closes the door behind him. Then, he crosses his arms and waits. ]

[ Alan doesn't move when he hears the door open and hears the footsteps entering. They don't belong to the woman who left; the tread is too heavy for that. He wonders what he wants. What do any of them want?

The woman that just left doesn't look familiar or even feel familiar, but she had the keychain. How could she have that, unless she always had it? That keychain was theirs, their way of representing their connection.

How could I just forget we had a connection? Was that in the story? Did I put that in? I don't know where my part of the keychain is.

Alan's grip on his head tightens and he feels pressure behind his eyes and in his head starting to build as he tries to make sense of this. It doesn't matter that he's being watched. It doesn't matter that the Ranger Captain is probably observing him and thinking he's a nutcase.

Why don't I know what I'm supposed to do next? Didn't she say that they found manuscript pages? Maybe the answer is on those, if they'll let me see them.

Slowly, Alan's fingers loosen and pull away from his head, but he still doesn't look up at the other man in the room with him. ]

[ Ranger Captain Steve Mitchell simply watches Alan. Not like a hawk or a man on guard. More akin to someone who has seen something similar too many times before. Not everyone can handle going from threshold to threshold. Not every Astralnaut can handle the intensity of visiting the Astral Plane.

There's no documentation on someone in another dimension for thirteen years and coming back.

There's no knowledge of what happens to the mind after that long.

Steve looks down at Alan and tilts his head. The man will ask a question eventually. He can't lead the man on or suggest questions. It has to come naturally from the missing writer. ]

[ Somehow, Steve's presence makes Alan feel like he's being scrutinized. Examined and assessed.

He's not sure if he likes that feeling.

But whether he does or not, it doesn't seem to matter. The FBC wants answers, and they seem determined to get them from him. It's just a matter of time and whether or not he can cooperate.

What will they do if I don't work with them? I know I wanted to find them because they might be the only people who can help, but... I don't think I have a choice. I don't think I can do this alone anymore.

For another second or two, Alan's gaze remains staring down at the surface of the table, but slowly, his head raises until he's looking at Steve. Part of him wants to recoil, and another part wants to hide, but he can't do that, can he? ]

S- sorry they stuck you in here like this. Watching a nutcase probably isn't at the top of your priorities.

"I've seen my fair share of this shit break people, Wake. You shouldn't have my job if you're not prepared for it." [ Steve non-chalantly answers. ] "You're not the first and you won't be the last."

[ He can recall seeing how the Hiss Invasion rattled so many of his squad mates. Other Rangers. Other members of the Buearu. How having to put down someone they just called friend less than twelve hours before hand twisted them. He can recall how seeing some Rangers couldn't handle coming back through thresholds. How some never came back as themselves.

He refused to leave Faden's side--as long as something didn't keep him from it--since he saw her clean out the Atlas Chamber. Her and that resonance that followed her cleaned through the Oldest House. He knows it taxed her. He knows the secrets she found haunted her on some level. Especially when she had found her lost brother.

Especially when she had to navigate through what Investigations had done to Hartman. What the man did to himself. What Investigations found. He imagines, though, that's the Director's story to tell.

He instead decides to let Alan set the pace and questions. ]

You have, huh? And how are you defining "this shit"?

[ How Steve answers that will be telling. Of course, he heard the explanation that it's the FBC's job to keep track of insane things like this, but that doesn't tell Alan what he needs to know. Alan knows that he's being a skeptic, maybe more skeptical than he has any right to be, but a part of him can't help it.

In all honesty, Alan's surprised he hasn't come apart at the seams more than he has. Even so, if Steve is expecting him to set the pace, or set anything at all, well- they might be here a long time.

Other than those questions, Alan's just drawing a blank. If they want him to make decisions, if they want him to direct this anywhere... He's not sure he can do that. ]

Look, I- What do you want? I know what the agent from before said, and I know she was really not happy with me, but...

[ He shakes his head, and after a second's pause, there's a thud as his fist connects with the table, a flash of that old temper resurfacing. ]

Maybe she had it right. Maybe you should just make this an interrogation and get it over with.

"What we call Altered World Events. When realities brush up against each other and cause a mess. What happened in 2010. What's apparently happening now. Every event is different even if it involves the same people and the same otherworldly entity."

[ An unimpressed raise of his eyebrows. ] The Buearu wants your co-operation and help in putting an end to the AWE. They want to know what's going on, why, how, and what they need to do to stop it. They want to know why you're involved, how you're involved, and if you can be trusted.

As for Faden? I think she wants something else. She's waited what sounds like a long time for this--you being back.

Altered World Events. [ Alan repeats the phrase, trying to digest it and whatever it means. ] So that's what you call all these crazy things that shouldn't happen and shouldn't be able to turn people into monsters and- Got it. Kind of.

What if, when I tell the Bureau what I'm doing and what they might be able to help with, they decide that they don't want to help? That they don't like what I've had to do to get here... that they don't like what I might have to do to actually stop the Dark Presence? Because yeah, it's not stopped. It's still out there, obviously.

[ There's no attitude behind that last statement, just an acknowledgment that the Dark Presence is still a huge threat. The biggest threat, even. ]

Faden. Faden... [ He repeats the name, feeling the smallest nudge at his mind, as if something is telling him he should know that name and why she's important. The keychain tried to wake up something in his mind, but he still doesn't know what that is. ]

Why isn't anyone saying who she is? Is she the Director? Why the secrecy there, unless it's to protect her?

[ She's waited what sounds like a long time for this--you being back.

Alan's hand curls around the keychain again. But why? What's she been waiting for? Could it be that- No, that's crazy, right? ]

She said that the Director was here with me in 2010, but I know I didn't meet the Director then. Unless... did I meet the Director and didn't know it? Is that what she was trying to say?

[ A nod to his understanding, at basic level, of what is going on. ] "The Event is when the two realities bump and collide. Any person or item in it can be altered. Certain people end up changed, or already had something unique to them that makes it come out. People like Faden.

Honestly? Estevez will handle it how she will and ask Faden for back up. We're here to help her team stop the AWE. If whatever you're going to do puts more people in danger? They'll detain you."

[ Steve watches how Alan processed the name. Tried to put the pieces together. He can't see why the dots aren't lining up. A sigh leaves him before he pushes from the door. He opens the manilla folder he has on him and pulls out a picture. He placed it in front of Alan.

A red headed young girl standing with Rose Merrigold and a few others outside the Oh Deer Diner. A banner for the 68th Deerfest--2010. In the window a familiar cut out of the famous author Alan Wake can be seen. ]

"Jesse Faden IS the Director of the Federal Bureau of Control. She wasn't in 2010 when you were here. She became Director four years ago. She said the two of you were close... and she kept half of a keychain she gave you." [ Steve glances at him. ] "You've been in another dimension for thirteen years. We don't know how your mind is. She probably didn't want to cause a cognitive collapse... not to mention Faden is just a private person. She is probably hoping for a reunion you'd expect after thirteen years."

[ Alan's doing his best to make mental notes of this; maybe he won't remember, or maybe the Dark Presence will find a way to pull the memories out of his mind, but he wants to remember this. He wants to remember everything, but that seems to be more of a tall order. ] So that's what's happening now, and it happened in 2010. And probably more times than that, but the average person wouldn't know that, right?

Just- just trying to make sure I'm following.

[ Alan's expression darkens slightly, but he doesn't react more than that. ]

Maybe you should. But maybe the Dark Presence is bigger than all of you. Maybe... [ Something seems to click in his mind, finally. Maybe no one else could force him to realize it; maybe he needed to realize it on his own, and now that he has, he realizes how stupid he's been. ] Maybe I do need to work together with you, if you'll still have me. Or interrogate me. Whatever.

[ He's really given them no reason to want to work with him, after all. He probably deserves to be detained, with the key thrown away.

Steve places the photograph in front of him, and Alan's gaze zeroes in on it almost immediately.

He jerks back from it as if something about it burned him, but that's not it. That's not why he's suddenly clutching his head again. A switch flipped in his mind, and the memories that have been blocked or repressed or whatever it is are coming flooding back.

Steve's words register in his mind even as he holds his head and stares at the picture. It takes a few tries for Alan to be able to speak, and when he does, his voice sounds strangled, but the words are clear enough: ]

Jesse... I remember. I remember telling her- promising her I wouldn't forget. [ Fingers curl tighter against his head and his eyes squeeze shut. ] Why did I forget?

[ He shakes his head and his eyes slide open again, but he doesn't look at Steve, choosing instead to stare at the picture. ] She probably doesn't even want to see me now that I forgot. Some reunion.

"Yeah. We operate under the table for a reason. You have an idea on how normal people would react to this."

[ Steve allows him to have the reactions. Letting him process everything. Things seem to click one after another. No nod is given, no look of understanding. Simply an old soldier assessing the situation. Memories are still there, it's just a jumbled mess. It tracks with other cases coming back from thresholds.

A half-shrug. ] "Working with us is something the Director and then Estevez will need to ultimately decide. You good if I take you to her? Or, you want to wait on that?"

[ He knows that Jesse and Alan are going to need to talk again. They'll need to sort this out so they can move forward. This is bigger than their relationship, but it's clear to the Ranger Captain that the relationship is a core piece of what's going on it was an element of 2010, and here they are again. ]

Edited 2024-09-03 00:10 (UTC)

Yeah, I get it now. It's enough to make your head spin, or worse. [ He huffs out a humorless laugh. ] I'd say that people can't handle the truth, but there's times that I don't know if I can handle it, and- well.

[ He's not sure if he'd call this a cognitive collapse or whatever term Steve used earlier, but his mind is reeling. If he was standing up, he'd be reeling too. He already has a little sensory overload happening, and adding in the realization that Jesse is the Director, that she's been waiting for him, is only contributing to the mental overload in his mind.

But still, he can't completely go to pieces, can he? He forces himself to look away from the picture, although he reaches for it, taking hold of it carefully. Something inside him clenches, and then aches, as if a strong longing to actually see the woman in the photograph is taking hold. Maybe that longing was always there and now it's intensified. ]

... Yeah. Yeah, I'm good if you- I want to see her.

[ Steve assesses him one last time. He's not sure if Alan won't fall on his face the moment he stands up. After he sees that Alan is more or less put together? He pulls out his cell phone and begins typing. A moment later he nods and pockets the phone. ]

"Alright. Time to go. Make sure you grab that." [ Steve gestures to the keychain.

He leads Alan out of the room, but stands next to him the whole time. An escort. Other FBC agents raise their heads and eye the pair before looking at one another then going back to their work. They move up a flight of stairs, turn down another wooden hallway, then stop at a door.

Steve raises his hand and knocks on the door. He waits, then nods, and opens it. He peeks in side. ]

"Wake's ready." [ Then, he nods. ] "Looks like you're up, Wake."

[ Steve steps aside, opening the door for Alan. A nod for him to enter.

Jesse sits on the arm of the chair that Estevez had once sat in. Her hands are in her lap and eyes cast down to the floor. Then, shoulders square. Walls go in place. She raises her green eyes that almost seem to shimmer with light. They land on Alan Wake as he comes into the room and the door closes behind him. ]

[ Honestly, Alan's not too sure he won't fall on his face either. He pushes himself slowly up from the table, keeping one hand on it at first, then slowly letting go. He feels a little unsteady but at least the ground isn't rushing up to meet him.

He grabs the keychain, not wanting to leave it behind, and he checks to make sure the photograph is still in his hand.

Alan follows alongside Steve as they go up the stairs, down a hallway that feels like it goes on forever, until they stop at a door. Alan's surprised he managed the walk without too much trouble, only stumbling a few times on the way.

Once they reach the door, Alan feels his nerves start to rise, and he pinches the inside of his wrist in an attempt to distract himself. Stay calm... ]

Okay. Thanks, uh- thanks for the help.

[ He nods back at him and then he steps inside. At first, he just looks at the floor, keychain and the photograph held tightly in both hands. But there's a force drawing him into the room, pulling him in, and he just follows that pull.

The door closes behind him but he just stands there just inside it, wanting to get closer but hesitating too. He wants to close the gap, maybe even go in for a hug, but can he do that? Does he have the right to?

Their first sight of each other didn't go well, and that's putting it mildly. He didn't even remember it was her. What if she hates him because of it? He's so lost in thought about what he should do that he doesn't even notice it when that unsteady feeling creeps back up on him and he brace himself with a hand on the door frame. Once he's steadied himself, he finally lets his gaze travel up to meet hers, and then he finds he just can't look away. ]

[ « Now what? »

Steve had mentioned in the text that it seemed like some of Alan's memories had slid into place. She knows it's to be expected. Still, that part of her that's always remained the girl from Ordinary had hoped that they would be more powerful than otherworldly entities. Like something out of a story. Maybe because Alan kept writing himself into so many of them.

« It's been thirteen years. I've changed... he's changed. Maybe holding onto this was pointless in the end. What if it doesn't matter anymore? What if we're too different now? Have I changed too much for him to even see that I'm still ... me? »

She doesn't hate him.

She's hurt.

« He probably can't read me like he could before. I have so many walls now, and lowering them earlier... it probably doesn't matter now. I'm probably just Jesse Faden the Director that he sent messages to... not the paranoid scared girl he met in Bright Falls. »

Jesse's eyes dart quickly to the side.

« Even Dylan could still see me.

Shit. I'm going to have to say something, aren't I? Damn it. » ]

Steve said you were ready to talk now.

[ « Neutral's okay. Right? I mean, if he wanted to acknowledge anything or do anything... he'd do it. At least, he would before. » ]

[ Unwittingly, Alan's thoughts are echoing Jesse's in this exact moment.

What do I do now?

How do I even talk to her? What if- what if she's given up? I know she wouldn't use me like that, but what if the keychain and the picture was just something to get me to talk?

No, that's not it. I can get her to change her mind. I have to try, even though I know she's upset. Look at her. She probably doesn't even want to be in the same room as me, not after what happened earlier.

Damn it, I'm not giving up now. ]

... Hi. [ That's it? That's ridiculous. ] Look, I- That didn't go well back there, and that's my fault, but I needed to work through some things. I still need to work through some things, but...

[ He holds up the keychain and the picture. ]

It's probably too late, and if it is, I get it, but- I remember now. At least, more than I did before.

[ Part of her had wanted to tell him what it had been like waiting. What happened to her and her life. Finding the Bureau, finally, after all those years. The Hiss Invasion. Finding Dylan. Truly connecting with Polaris. Finding all the documents in the Oldest House about him, Bright Falls, and how they were both in the Prime Candidate Program. Finding Hartman and putting him down even though the monster recognized him. How it felt to feel finally connected to Alan again after so long only to have the connection cut the moment Hartman died.

Seeing how he had no idea who she was quickly dashed all of those hopes.

Now, she's not sure he could even handle half the things she wanted to tell him.

« He's not fragile... but he's not exactly stable either. Does he really remember me? Us? Or, does he just think he does cause he has a picture? »

Green eyes that seem to glow with that shimmer fall down to the items in his hands.

« ... he lost his keychain. Didn't he? I knew it meant more to me than him, but... »

It stings in a way it shouldn't. ]

Hi. [ Her voice is smaller than she'd like, more inward and protected. ] What exactly do you remember?

[ He wants to hear everything she has to say, the good and the bad. And while he's still desperately trying to recall his memory of their time together, some instinct is telling him she's had more bad experiences than good ones. And now, thanks to him, this is going to be another bad experience for her.

But since all of this seems to be his fault, he needs to be different. He can't be who he was in 2010. No running from his problems, his mistakes, but facing it head-on. If he can, anyway.

At least now, he's not running. They wouldn't let him run if he tried, but running is the last thing on his mind. ]

I remember... us. You. [ He has to dig through the soup that seems to be his memories, as unpleasant as that image is, but the ghost of the recollection he's trying to find is still in there. ] Your friend. It's all in bits and pieces, but I remember.

[ Will she believe me?

Fingers curl around the keychain and the picture both as he tries even harder to remember. It's only making the ache in his head worse, but he needs to remember. It's important that he does, otherwise he's just another liar. ]

I promised I wouldn't forget you, didn't I? You should hate me for breaking that.

[ Has there been more bad than good? Maybe. The good had been... really good. The happiest she had been since Ordinary. She had someone that not only believed her in what happened as a kid, but also wanted to support her.

A sharp inhale at what he has said. Does he really remember hee? Their time together. Polaris. It sounds almost too good to be true. It sounds almost fairytale--something out of a story when reality dictates something else. She glances to the side, then back at him. ]

Tell me something I told you. [ Another glance to the side with a small frown. ] I don't hate you.

[ « Hating would be easy. I still love him, and that's why... that's why it hurts. Why it always hurt. Every time. It took me awhile to realize that's why... »

He should remember she doesn't trust easy. She doesn't open up easily. She took a risk to open up to him and while there is that urge to open up again? There is also the wisdom that says she has to be careful. Cautious.

« I have people to protect. I'm the Director now. »

Polaris gently brushes against the Writer's mind once more. ]

[ For Alan, this feels like a fight between what he knows and what the Dark Presence is still trying to force him to know. It doesn't want him having memories of being with Jesse, of connecting with her in ways that he never imagined he'd be able to do. It feels like dark water is still swirling in his mind and in his thoughts, trying to obscure what little memories he's managed to somehow regain.

I don't know how I was able to get those back, but it's trying to keep me from getting more of them.

She asks him to tell her something that she told him, and the flash of the internal struggle shows on his face as he tries to swim through the water in his mind. The Dark Presence is still active and enticing him to just give up, let go, stop fighting... But he can't, and he won't. ]

Ordinary.

[ The word bursts out of him with an unintended force, but the Dark Presence had tried its best to keep him from responding. ]

And... and we said we loved each other, didn't we? [ The swirling waters begin to sound like more of a roar in Alan's mind, but he tries desperately to keep pushing back. ] I said I love you.

[ She asked him to tell her what she said to him, not what he said to her, but he feels that she needs to know that he remembers. He might not remember much, but he's trying to remember what's important.

He almost misses the feeling of Polaris brushing against his mind, as the Dark Presence is trying to drown him out, but he feels it, even if only barely.

...Can you help push it back? I'm trying, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.

He wonders if Polaris can even hear him over the sound of the water. ]

[ « It's like watching what happened to Dylan. Except that he decided to embrace the Hiss entirely. Alan's still fighting it. »

Polaris gently hums, that geometric light pattern swirling in the place in Alan's mind where he sees things. Where inspiration comes from bits of peoples lives and experiences he has known. Dhe glimmers brightly then dimly, and one word seems to be accompanied by a voice that sounds like a familiar woman's, but lighter and more harmonious.

｟ Light. "A sound. A resonance. It shouldn't be a surprise. If there's one, why not another." ｠

If the Hiss could interact with the Darkness, than Polaris can interact with the Light. But the Writer needs to bring the Light from in himself.

Jesse looks down once more at Alan's answer. She curls her hands to keep them from shaking. Not that it really works all that well. She still trembles. ]

Yeah. We did. It just took me longer to say it.

[ For now, inspiration seems to have left Alan. The only thing he can see is darkness and dark waves, but then something disturbs the darkness in his mind. Polaris's pattern seems to flare to life, swirling itself around his mind, breaking up the darkness, even when the glimmer turns dim in his mind's eye.

The sound of crashing waves is broken up too then, interrupted by a familiar voice, but with subtle differences.

Alan finds himself reaching for the voice and the light both, knowing he can't let the darkness take control. But the light inside himself seems just as dim, if not dimmer, and that's how the Dark Presence wants it to be.

A stray thought comes to mind, and Alan frowns at the fragmented recollection that came from out of nowhere.

The Diver... What happened to the Diver?

It seems as though the Dark Presence has done its best to bury the light inside Alan, and he's having difficulty calling it up now when he needs it the most. It's there, but it's been pushed so far down that it feels like it's out of his reach. ]

... That's why you're here, isn't it? Well, because of the... Altered World something.

[ A pause. ]

Were you looking for me?

That's part of why. Yeah. It's my job. [ Then, she pauses. Her gaze drifts to the side. ] We don't have much of the Bureau now. I'm back up when needed, but, Bright Falls is special. I'm involved here just as I was Ordinary...

[ Her gaze drifts down. She falls silent for a few moments. Her hands flex. Polaris shifts. It's clear to Jesse that her friend is trying to reach Alan for some reason. Maybe Alan asked, or maybe it's because Polaris is trying to reclaim territory and people. Polaris is still a resonance being that wants things in her frequency. Jesse isn't stupid enough to think that it's purely altruism with her friend--especially after what she's learned from the Oldest House. The Hiss Invasion. ]

I told you once that if you called, I'd go anywhere you told me to. [ She hesitantly raises her green eyes to his gray ones. ] You said "It's happening again." This time, at Bright Falls, was going to be another event like what happened in 2010. You called, I showed up. That was what I said.

[ « His eyes are darker than I remember. » ]

Yes. I was looking for you---as me, not the Director.

Your job. Right. [ He's just repeating it to state it as a fact; maybe he might have bristled at that at one point. Maybe he would've thrown that back at her, asking if if he was just a job to her, but he knows that's not what she means. There's more going on here than whatever's going on with him. There's no reason for him to bristle about anything. ] What- what happened to the Bureau? Was it the Hiss? [ He still remembers that name, even if it feels far away somehow. ]

Why is it special? Because we were here before when something happened? [ He places particular emphasis on "something", knowing it wasn't just any old run of the mill event. He's just trying to reform the timeline in his mind, because it's become a little too scattered to be useful. ]

You said that? Sorry, I- Something's keeping me from remembering everything. I want to remember everything, and I think it's all still in here somewhere, but it's like it's being blocked.

[ He pauses for a few seconds. It feels like minutes. ]

... Thanks. Thank you for coming. It- it means a lot. Really.

[ His eyes focus on hers, not wanting to look away ever again. ]

Well, you found me. What happens now?

OCEANVIEW :: INTO THE DARK

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