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synthneon2024-08-28 05:28 pm
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2024-08-28 05:28 pm
oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞
I'm fighting to save my love somehow
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this place inside my mind
no subject
Honestly? Estevez will handle it how she will and ask Faden for back up. We're here to help her team stop the AWE. If whatever you're going to do puts more people in danger? They'll detain you."
[ Steve watches how Alan processed the name. Tried to put the pieces together. He can't see why the dots aren't lining up. A sigh leaves him before he pushes from the door. He opens the manilla folder he has on him and pulls out a picture. He placed it in front of Alan.
A red headed young girl standing with Rose Merrigold and a few others outside the Oh Deer Diner. A banner for the 68th Deerfest--2010. In the window a familiar cut out of the famous author Alan Wake can be seen. ]
"Jesse Faden IS the Director of the Federal Bureau of Control. She wasn't in 2010 when you were here. She became Director four years ago. She said the two of you were close... and she kept half of a keychain she gave you." [ Steve glances at him. ] "You've been in another dimension for thirteen years. We don't know how your mind is. She probably didn't want to cause a cognitive collapse... not to mention Faden is just a private person. She is probably hoping for a reunion you'd expect after thirteen years."
no subject
Just- just trying to make sure I'm following.
[ Alan's expression darkens slightly, but he doesn't react more than that. ]
Maybe you should. But maybe the Dark Presence is bigger than all of you. Maybe... [ Something seems to click in his mind, finally. Maybe no one else could force him to realize it; maybe he needed to realize it on his own, and now that he has, he realizes how stupid he's been. ] Maybe I do need to work together with you, if you'll still have me. Or interrogate me. Whatever.
[ He's really given them no reason to want to work with him, after all. He probably deserves to be detained, with the key thrown away.
Steve places the photograph in front of him, and Alan's gaze zeroes in on it almost immediately.
He jerks back from it as if something about it burned him, but that's not it. That's not why he's suddenly clutching his head again. A switch flipped in his mind, and the memories that have been blocked or repressed or whatever it is are coming flooding back.
Steve's words register in his mind even as he holds his head and stares at the picture. It takes a few tries for Alan to be able to speak, and when he does, his voice sounds strangled, but the words are clear enough: ]
Jesse... I remember. I remember telling her- promising her I wouldn't forget. [ Fingers curl tighter against his head and his eyes squeeze shut. ] Why did I forget?
[ He shakes his head and his eyes slide open again, but he doesn't look at Steve, choosing instead to stare at the picture. ] She probably doesn't even want to see me now that I forgot. Some reunion.
no subject
[ Steve allows him to have the reactions. Letting him process everything. Things seem to click one after another. No nod is given, no look of understanding. Simply an old soldier assessing the situation. Memories are still there, it's just a jumbled mess. It tracks with other cases coming back from thresholds.
A half-shrug. ] "Working with us is something the Director and then Estevez will need to ultimately decide. You good if I take you to her? Or, you want to wait on that?"
[ He knows that Jesse and Alan are going to need to talk again. They'll need to sort this out so they can move forward. This is bigger than their relationship, but it's clear to the Ranger Captain that the relationship is a core piece of what's going on it was an element of 2010, and here they are again. ]
no subject
[ He's not sure if he'd call this a cognitive collapse or whatever term Steve used earlier, but his mind is reeling. If he was standing up, he'd be reeling too. He already has a little sensory overload happening, and adding in the realization that Jesse is the Director, that she's been waiting for him, is only contributing to the mental overload in his mind.
But still, he can't completely go to pieces, can he? He forces himself to look away from the picture, although he reaches for it, taking hold of it carefully. Something inside him clenches, and then aches, as if a strong longing to actually see the woman in the photograph is taking hold. Maybe that longing was always there and now it's intensified. ]
... Yeah. Yeah, I'm good if you- I want to see her.
no subject
"Alright. Time to go. Make sure you grab that." [ Steve gestures to the keychain.
He leads Alan out of the room, but stands next to him the whole time. An escort. Other FBC agents raise their heads and eye the pair before looking at one another then going back to their work. They move up a flight of stairs, turn down another wooden hallway, then stop at a door.
Steve raises his hand and knocks on the door. He waits, then nods, and opens it. He peeks in side. ]
"Wake's ready." [ Then, he nods. ] "Looks like you're up, Wake."
[ Steve steps aside, opening the door for Alan. A nod for him to enter.
Jesse sits on the arm of the chair that Estevez had once sat in. Her hands are in her lap and eyes cast down to the floor. Then, shoulders square. Walls go in place. She raises her green eyes that almost seem to shimmer with light. They land on Alan Wake as he comes into the room and the door closes behind him. ]
no subject
He grabs the keychain, not wanting to leave it behind, and he checks to make sure the photograph is still in his hand.
Alan follows alongside Steve as they go up the stairs, down a hallway that feels like it goes on forever, until they stop at a door. Alan's surprised he managed the walk without too much trouble, only stumbling a few times on the way.
Once they reach the door, Alan feels his nerves start to rise, and he pinches the inside of his wrist in an attempt to distract himself. Stay calm... ]
Okay. Thanks, uh- thanks for the help.
[ He nods back at him and then he steps inside. At first, he just looks at the floor, keychain and the photograph held tightly in both hands. But there's a force drawing him into the room, pulling him in, and he just follows that pull.
The door closes behind him but he just stands there just inside it, wanting to get closer but hesitating too. He wants to close the gap, maybe even go in for a hug, but can he do that? Does he have the right to?
Their first sight of each other didn't go well, and that's putting it mildly. He didn't even remember it was her. What if she hates him because of it? He's so lost in thought about what he should do that he doesn't even notice it when that unsteady feeling creeps back up on him and he brace himself with a hand on the door frame. Once he's steadied himself, he finally lets his gaze travel up to meet hers, and then he finds he just can't look away. ]
no subject
Steve had mentioned in the text that it seemed like some of Alan's memories had slid into place. She knows it's to be expected. Still, that part of her that's always remained the girl from Ordinary had hoped that they would be more powerful than otherworldly entities. Like something out of a story. Maybe because Alan kept writing himself into so many of them.
« It's been thirteen years. I've changed... he's changed. Maybe holding onto this was pointless in the end. What if it doesn't matter anymore? What if we're too different now? Have I changed too much for him to even see that I'm still ... me? »
She doesn't hate him.
She's hurt.
« He probably can't read me like he could before. I have so many walls now, and lowering them earlier... it probably doesn't matter now. I'm probably just Jesse Faden the Director that he sent messages to... not the paranoid scared girl he met in Bright Falls. »
Jesse's eyes dart quickly to the side.
« Even Dylan could still see me.
Shit. I'm going to have to say something, aren't I? Damn it. » ]
Steve said you were ready to talk now.
[ « Neutral's okay. Right? I mean, if he wanted to acknowledge anything or do anything... he'd do it. At least, he would before. » ]
no subject
What do I do now?
How do I even talk to her? What if- what if she's given up? I know she wouldn't use me like that, but what if the keychain and the picture was just something to get me to talk?
No, that's not it. I can get her to change her mind. I have to try, even though I know she's upset. Look at her. She probably doesn't even want to be in the same room as me, not after what happened earlier.
Damn it, I'm not giving up now. ]
... Hi. [ That's it? That's ridiculous. ] Look, I- That didn't go well back there, and that's my fault, but I needed to work through some things. I still need to work through some things, but...
[ He holds up the keychain and the picture. ]
It's probably too late, and if it is, I get it, but- I remember now. At least, more than I did before.
no subject
Seeing how he had no idea who she was quickly dashed all of those hopes.
Now, she's not sure he could even handle half the things she wanted to tell him.
« He's not fragile... but he's not exactly stable either. Does he really remember me? Us? Or, does he just think he does cause he has a picture? »
Green eyes that seem to glow with that shimmer fall down to the items in his hands.
« ... he lost his keychain. Didn't he? I knew it meant more to me than him, but... »
It stings in a way it shouldn't. ]
Hi. [ Her voice is smaller than she'd like, more inward and protected. ] What exactly do you remember?
no subject
But since all of this seems to be his fault, he needs to be different. He can't be who he was in 2010. No running from his problems, his mistakes, but facing it head-on. If he can, anyway.
At least now, he's not running. They wouldn't let him run if he tried, but running is the last thing on his mind. ]
I remember... us. You. [ He has to dig through the soup that seems to be his memories, as unpleasant as that image is, but the ghost of the recollection he's trying to find is still in there. ] Your friend. It's all in bits and pieces, but I remember.
[ Will she believe me?
Fingers curl around the keychain and the picture both as he tries even harder to remember. It's only making the ache in his head worse, but he needs to remember. It's important that he does, otherwise he's just another liar. ]
I promised I wouldn't forget you, didn't I? You should hate me for breaking that.
no subject
A sharp inhale at what he has said. Does he really remember hee? Their time together. Polaris. It sounds almost too good to be true. It sounds almost fairytale--something out of a story when reality dictates something else. She glances to the side, then back at him. ]
Tell me something I told you. [ Another glance to the side with a small frown. ] I don't hate you.
[ « Hating would be easy. I still love him, and that's why... that's why it hurts. Why it always hurt. Every time. It took me awhile to realize that's why... »
He should remember she doesn't trust easy. She doesn't open up easily. She took a risk to open up to him and while there is that urge to open up again? There is also the wisdom that says she has to be careful. Cautious.
« I have people to protect. I'm the Director now. »
Polaris gently brushes against the Writer's mind once more. ]
no subject
I don't know how I was able to get those back, but it's trying to keep me from getting more of them.
She asks him to tell her something that she told him, and the flash of the internal struggle shows on his face as he tries to swim through the water in his mind. The Dark Presence is still active and enticing him to just give up, let go, stop fighting... But he can't, and he won't. ]
Ordinary.
[ The word bursts out of him with an unintended force, but the Dark Presence had tried its best to keep him from responding. ]
And... and we said we loved each other, didn't we? [ The swirling waters begin to sound like more of a roar in Alan's mind, but he tries desperately to keep pushing back. ] I said I love you.
[ She asked him to tell her what she said to him, not what he said to her, but he feels that she needs to know that he remembers. He might not remember much, but he's trying to remember what's important.
He almost misses the feeling of Polaris brushing against his mind, as the Dark Presence is trying to drown him out, but he feels it, even if only barely.
...Can you help push it back? I'm trying, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.
He wonders if Polaris can even hear him over the sound of the water. ]
no subject
Polaris gently hums, that geometric light pattern swirling in the place in Alan's mind where he sees things. Where inspiration comes from bits of peoples lives and experiences he has known. Dhe glimmers brightly then dimly, and one word seems to be accompanied by a voice that sounds like a familiar woman's, but lighter and more harmonious.
｟ Light. "A sound. A resonance. It shouldn't be a surprise. If there's one, why not another." ｠
If the Hiss could interact with the Darkness, than Polaris can interact with the Light. But the Writer needs to bring the Light from in himself.
Jesse looks down once more at Alan's answer. She curls her hands to keep them from shaking. Not that it really works all that well. She still trembles. ]
Yeah. We did. It just took me longer to say it.
no subject
The sound of crashing waves is broken up too then, interrupted by a familiar voice, but with subtle differences.
Alan finds himself reaching for the voice and the light both, knowing he can't let the darkness take control. But the light inside himself seems just as dim, if not dimmer, and that's how the Dark Presence wants it to be.
A stray thought comes to mind, and Alan frowns at the fragmented recollection that came from out of nowhere.
The Diver... What happened to the Diver?
It seems as though the Dark Presence has done its best to bury the light inside Alan, and he's having difficulty calling it up now when he needs it the most. It's there, but it's been pushed so far down that it feels like it's out of his reach. ]
... That's why you're here, isn't it? Well, because of the... Altered World something.
[ A pause. ]
Were you looking for me?
no subject
[ Her gaze drifts down. She falls silent for a few moments. Her hands flex. Polaris shifts. It's clear to Jesse that her friend is trying to reach Alan for some reason. Maybe Alan asked, or maybe it's because Polaris is trying to reclaim territory and people. Polaris is still a resonance being that wants things in her frequency. Jesse isn't stupid enough to think that it's purely altruism with her friend--especially after what she's learned from the Oldest House. The Hiss Invasion. ]
I told you once that if you called, I'd go anywhere you told me to. [ She hesitantly raises her green eyes to his gray ones. ] You said "It's happening again." This time, at Bright Falls, was going to be another event like what happened in 2010. You called, I showed up. That was what I said.
[ « His eyes are darker than I remember. » ]
Yes. I was looking for you---as me, not the Director.
no subject
Why is it special? Because we were here before when something happened? [ He places particular emphasis on "something", knowing it wasn't just any old run of the mill event. He's just trying to reform the timeline in his mind, because it's become a little too scattered to be useful. ]
You said that? Sorry, I- Something's keeping me from remembering everything. I want to remember everything, and I think it's all still in here somewhere, but it's like it's being blocked.
[ He pauses for a few seconds. It feels like minutes. ]
... Thanks. Thank you for coming. It- it means a lot. Really.
[ His eyes focus on hers, not wanting to look away ever again. ]
Well, you found me. What happens now?
no subject
[ « I couldn't save most of them. »
She nods to his next question. It's more that Jesse finds Bright Falls special on a personal level. She has to be involved. Just like it was her mess to clean up from the events of Ordinary. Her involvement for both AWEs may scale differently, but, it doesn't change the fact she was present for both of them. She has to finish things. Put a bookend on it.
« I was just hoping that I could with Alan, then we could... maybe I shouldn't have held onto dreams for so long. »
Jesse falls quiet as she watches him. Listens to what he says. He's saying things, but she can tell there's something missing. The little annotations or ways he'd phrase things when talking to her specifically. If he really can't remember her? It all makes sense. She understands. She really does. After seeing what she has in the Oldest House? Seeing reports from several agents about thresholds? Everything Alan is going through makes sense.
That doesn't stop the familiar sense of loneliness from gripping her heart.
« ... that's all? Just, "thanks." After all these years of waiting and trying to find him... »
She's not angry or even dismissive. If anything, it's the one word she had tried for years to ignore using. She thought it would be like when they reunited in that town in Arizona. Emotional. A homecoming. Then again, she also thought that reuniting with Dylan would be filled with apologies and the chance to talk and explain herself. That's not how it turned out at all. None of it was. None of this turned out like she thought it would.
Her gaze drops from his to the floor. There's no look of disappointment, or anger, or hurt in her expression. Her expression remains perfectly still save for her downwards tilted eyes. Loneliness. Longing. The word she doesn't want to even think of: heartbreak.
« It's like a monkey's paw. I wished for Alan to come home. He came home... but, without the thing that meant the most...
Does he remember everything about Alice? » ]
You're welcome. [ Her tone is quiet, but not withdrawn or defensive. Small. Something bordering on vulnerable. ] My management team probably didn't like it. Not that they ever like me on the front lines.
[ As for his other question? Jesse hesitates. Then, she reaches for the gray clipboard container she had earlier. Her eyes are still pointed down as she pops it open and pulls out an assortment of papers. Papers that have mud and dirt on them. Weirdly shaped imprints of familiar black solid shadows.
Handwritten edits.
She holds them up for him to take, only quickly glancing at him before trying to hide her emotions once more. ] ... I thought maybe you could tell me. We found these in the Sheriff's Office... and the FBI's field office. I thought, maybe, you'd need my help again. But, maybe you don't. Agent Anderson is in the manuscript pages.
[ « Like we used to be. » ]
no subject
Is it even worth trying to bring those back up? Look at her. She looks upset; maybe she's regretting ever coming here and finding me like this. I don't think this is how she imagined us meeting again, and that's probably my fault too.
When he sees her gaze fall away from his, part of him wants to step back... maybe even ask to be put somewhere else. Somewhere she doesn't have to see him. Maybe she thinks this was a mistake. ]
Why's that?
[ He gives her a careful looking over, as if taking in her appearance for the first time, noting details about her that might have escaped anyone else's notice. He's a writer, and he can't help but notice those small details.
He doesn't see anything about her that would mean she can't handle herself in the thick of the action. Wanting to be on the front lines makes sense to him somehow.
His eyebrows raise when she reaches for the clipboard containing the papers, and then his gaze instantly zeroes in on them. He knows those papers. How?
She holds them out to him, and he takes them with a suddenly unsteady hand. Gray eyes scan the writing on them, noting the scribbled out parts and the words written down in the margins or over the words themselves. ]
This is my writing. Obviously, you probably figured that out. But-
[ He scans the pages again, picking out Anderson's name and other names besides. His fingers curl around the pages suddenly, causing a crinkling noise as the paper wrinkles in his hold.
She doesn't understand, because how could she? It's not like I've told her anything yet. I'm trying to remember; trying to get it back... get us back. I know we were important to each other. We ARE important to each other, but something's not letting me remember specifics.
His grip on the paper tightens more. More pages crinkle. Estevez probably won't like that, but Alan's not thinking about her right now. ]
"Maybe I don't"? [ Suddenly, Alan's voice sounds quieter and a little sadder than before. ]
Why would I have tried to reach you if I didn't need your help? These pages... you're not in them, but I think I wanted you to be in them. I think I tried to put you in them, but it didn't work. You can't just put anything in a story and expect it to work out, but that doesn't mean I didn't try.
[ That's right. I must have tried to write us into it, but maybe I didn't do it correctly. It has to be believable for it to work, right? Yeah... that sounds right. It feels right. I don't like it, but that's how the story works. ]
... I still need your help. [ I don't think I can do this without her. ]
no subject
[ « Maybe if they had been kinder... more understanding... things would have gone different in Ordinary. If they went different, would I have met Alan? Maybe not. Not that it matters at the moment. We're basically meeting for the first time all over again. »
He takes--almost snatches--the papers from her.
Jesse lowers her hand once again and simply gives a small frown. A knowing look. Yes, she knows Alan's handwriting. She knows how he writes. Even the messages over the Hotline sounded like Alan's writing despite how brief and precise the writing seemed to be. No more allegories or relations. Hardcore facts. Hadn't he mentioned something about needing to "trim the fat" and "make it ugly"? ]
You told me that you needed a hero to help you escape. The last time you reached out to me before now. [ Her eyes dart to the side as she feels Polaris shift. ] It looks like Agent Anderson is that hero now... given what the manuscript pages say and what we've been able to piece together.
[ She raises her eyes after a moment. ] I know you didn't write that manuscript. This isn't the kind of story you'd write. How the story is written isn't the way you write. People can hear it in your voice if they read it... but it isn't your story. The scratched out and handwritten parts are. I can tell by reading it.
So... what do you need me to do? [ A trembling hand lifts to the papers. ]
no subject
I think... you've changed the way the Bureau works, because that's how you want things to be. You don't want things being different. Sending people into danger on their own.
[ There's a pause that lasts for a few seconds. ] You were on your own once, and you don't want that happening to anyone else. Right?
[ He's not sure how he remembers that, but it feels right, and it seems to go with what she's telling him. I trusted her once. I can trust her again, no matter what the story's trying to make me do. I do trust her. ]
I- I remember trying to fix the story. Make edits. Something- someone wrote the manuscript using the title I planned to use a long time ago. It's dark, horrific. I wouldn't write that. I-
[ I can't even say I don't want to hurt people. I've already done that. I've already hurt her. But even I have a limit, even if she doesn't think I do. ]
The story has to have an element of darkness, of... difficulty. But it's not like this. I wouldn't write this.
[ He knows he doesn't need to say that, as she's just said that she knows this isn't something he'd produce, but he feels the need to state it in his own words. ]
The Dark Presence is trying to make people believe these are my words, but they're not. It finished the manuscript, but I have to change it. I have to fix it, but it's got a head start, and I don't know if I can catch up.
[ What do I need her to do? Is it bad that I don't know?
He puts the papers down and he slides them over to her in case she wants to have them back. His shoulders lower and his gaze falls too as uncertainty settles back in. ]
The Dark Presence is still out there. It's going to keep coming, because it hasn't gotten what it wants yet. I need to find a way to stop it for good this time.
[ He looks up again just slightly, but there's a hesitancy in his movements. ] I'm guessing the Bureau doesn't like lending their firepower. Whatever firepower's left, anyway.
no subject
[ « It's because he's Alan Wake. »
Not the famous author, but the parautalitarian. The one that ended the AWE in 2010 and has somehow been making contact with people across dimensions for thirteen years. There's an element of study and needing to know for the Bureau. She can't deny that. That's just not what it is for Jesse. He's someone she loves. She can't lock him up and throw away the key.
Dylan's only in the containment he's in because of the Hiss... and being in coma.
Her gaze stays downwards. ]
Yeah... for awhile it was just me. Sometimes my friend--when the connection would work. [ Her hands flex. ] You were there a few times.
[ « Then, I was alone again. Just you here with me when you could be. »
Jesse frowns more as her eyes narrow at the floor.
« Then, I was alone again. Just you here with me when you could be. Now... now you're here with me always. Dylan isn't taken by the Hiss. Alan's home. Everything I have wanted for YEARS... and it's still wrong somehow. » ]
"Departure" was the same way. [ She gently intervenes. ] The Dark Presence--what the Bureau calls "the Shadow"--used you to write a story. It even took the name of your next novel. You had to get back to the place you wrote "Departure" to change the ending. Stop everything from happening. Save Alice Wake.
Which means this isn't much different of a situation. It's created a manuscript using you. We need to find the pieces to change the story's ending and put a stop to this AWE.
[ Jesse feels her heart clench at the statement. She can't even ask Polaris what has come to mind. The fear that he's going to leave her behind again.
« I still hate that room. » ]
What it wants is out into our world. Most resonances like it want to exist in our world to spread their influence. Even my friend is like that to a degree. Except, she's good. Harmonious. Lives with us instead of taking us over. The Dark Presence uses artists to do it but we don't know why it can alter reality using art. Every resonance works differently... for some reason it just responds to art.
[ Her eyes dart to the pile of manuscripts. Her shoulders curl slightly. He sent her the message of being in Bright Falls not to be there when he came home... but to fight the Dark Presence again. Her heart beats. Of course. He wouldn't remember anything about them. Why would he ask her to be there to welcome him home? ]
I'm your firepower. So, just point me in a direction. I'll take care of it. Just like I did Hartman.
no subject
[ Just because he's having trouble remembering everything that he did and said and promised doesn't mean he's lost the ability to be perceptive.
I love her. I know I do. It's not just a feeling, not something that I made myself believe. I really love her. It's just connecting the dots again and bringing what I know and what I feel together. ]
Your friend. The... the guiding star. She's still with you. [ He knows that, because he felt her, or heard her, or whatever the best way of describing that is. It reassures him to know that Jesse's not alone. ]
Right. "Departure". I remember trying to follow the story, to change the ending. You were helping me with that.
[ An image pops into his head, combined with a feeling... a feeling of holding her as they kiss. As they lie next to each other. His gaze snaps to hers as his gray eyes try to meet hers so he can see them. Drown in them.
Except he can't drown; he has to focus and figure out what his next steps are. ]
It sounds easy when you put it like that. The Dark Presence kills. It'll hunt everyone down and use them, or kill them if it can't use them. I can't ask you or the Bureau for help, because that puts all of you in danger.
I know that's what it wants, and it's not going to stop until it gets it. It doesn't care who gets in the way, or who just happens to be there. It'll target all of you and everyone in Bright Falls. It's already happened once; I don't want it to happen again. Maybe if you just give me a gun and a flashlight, I can lure it away from here.
That way, I can figure out how to stop it and no one else has to get hurt.
[ He realizes what she's just said, about being his firepower, and this time, he snaps to attention. He crosses over to where she's standing before he's even aware of moving, and without even thinking about it, he puts his arms around her. ]
No. I won't do that to you. I won't ask you to do that.
[ He hesitates for a fraction of a second before he pulls her in close for a hug. ]
no subject
[ The outstretched trembling hand puts the manuscript pages to the side. Then, she flexes her hand. A sense of power can be felt in the room. Polaris's hum gently fills quiet places. The intention was to tell him all about Polaris. Everything she had learned about her friend, Hedron, the Bureau, the Hiss. Now she doesn't see the point in it. Not when he barely remembers her or their screwed up relationship. The details wouldn't matter. ]
She's always with me now. We can't separate. [ Jesse figures that's the best way to put it for now. She could throw everything behind the cheap excuse of "classified." Except for the fact it's a cheap answer and she knows Alan won't take it. ] So...anywhere in this building you're going to sense her. Any time you're around me you're going to sense her more than you did before.
[ Her gaze keeps away from his. A particular flash of emotion crosses her face at the mention of her helping with "Departure." She's not sure she really helped at all. Not that it's the time to go over any of it or fill in the gaps. There's more important things going on. ]
You changed the ending of "Departure" on your own. [ She knows the hurt can't entirely be kept from her voice. ] You did whatever you did--diving into the Lake--and that stopped it.
[ Jesse had every intention of slipping back behind her role as the Director from this point on. Be the position Alan was looking for to stop the Dark Presence. After all, that's why he reached out to her in the Oldest House, despite what she wanted to tell herself. How is calling her back to Bright Falls any different? Show up, take care of the spooky dimensional monster, then he leaves to go hunt it down again.
"Maybe if you just give me a gun and a flashlight, I can lure it away from here."
Green eyes that seem to be glow with something else immediately snap to his. The mantle of the Director disappears. A wall comes down, leaving her with the expression as if he's just thrown something at her. He may have forgotten what happened, but Jesse remembers it perfectly clear. The Well-Lit Room. The insisting she go with him to finish it and save his ex-wife, while he insisted he had to do it alone. That he'd come back. He couldn't take her along because she'd just get hurt or even worse and he couldn't handle it if she did.
She stares him down as his arms wrap around her. He pulls her close. Her lip trembles. Whatever is listening she thanks that he can't see the expression on her face. He can feel her shoulders tremble and how her hands shake so badly she couldn't shove him away even if she wanted. ]
You already did. [ She shuts her eyes tightly in hopes that she can at least keep the water she feels gathering in her eyes. The rest has already fallen out of her control. Alan Wake has always been able to do that. ] You told me Hartman needed to be stopped. He was ripping apart the Bureau. You pointed me in the direction and told me to stop him and I DID. Because YOU asked me to do it. Because Hartman was OUR mess to clean up.
[ After a moment, her head lowers. Forehead gently rests against his shoulder in case he had thought about releasing her from his embrace. She's not going to let him decide anything else without her input or her say. This story, them, working with the Bureau. He doesn't get to decide it all on his own anymore. ]
...don't you dare think about taking a flashlight, a gun, and luring it away on your own. You don't get to even imply it. [ She feels her shoulders curl and her voice break. ] You don't get to call me out here to help you stop it halfway then... no! You don't get the right to make that choice! I won't let you!
[ Then, her voice drops once more. ] I'm not being left behind. Again.
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[ He looks down at his hands for a second before looking back up at her, and there's a sudden flash of resolve in his eyes. ] If you say the Bureau can help, well- I know that I can trust you, so... I'll cooperate.
[ He's willing to cooperate because now he knows that she's involved, and the connection they have is what makes him want to trust her and work with her. ]
Always? You can't separate...? [ He looks momentarily confused; his only frame of reference, aside from her and Polaris, is the Dark Presence and how it consumes people, but Jesse hasn't been consumed. She's not mindlessly repeating words like the Taken do. ] That's a good thing, isn't it? [ He asks, needing the confirmation. ]
I barely remember what I did, though. That feels like a lifetime ago now.
[ That's another thing that's bothering him about all this; how is he supposed to fix this if he barely knows what he's supposed to do? How can he find a version of the story that fixes everything if he doesn't even know what his next move is? He really could use some inspiration right now, but it seems as though inspiration has turned its back on him.
He finally manages to do what's been lurking in the back of his mind and give her a hug, but then he immediately wonders if he did the wrong thing once she starts speaking again. He can hear the emotion in her voice even if he can't see the look on her face. ]
But you're not just firepower. You're not just a weapon. [ There's a lengthy pause and a brief struggle seems to play itself out on Alan's face. ] You're Jesse. You're Jesse, and I care about you, even if this stupid story is getting in the way of that.
[ Her continued words wash over him, some of them landing like a ton of bricks, but in the end, he has to admit she's right. The only problem is, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do if he doesn't go off on his own to lure out the Dark Presence. ]
If I don't do that, then- what should I do? I don't want to leave you, and I don't want to go off alone, but what the hell am I supposed to do? No, don't answer that.
[ It's not something she can help with, is it? He has to figure out what he's going to do, but maybe she can offer some suggestions, if nothing else. ]
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[ She glances to the side. ] It's a "good thing" from our point of view. Without her? The Hiss would have won. Though, I'm sure you'd find people who would say it's just as bad. Not that it matters either way. I think she had this planned since we met in the slide. She helps keep what we think are bad things out. She brought me here in 2010 to help you keep the Dark Presence out. So... [ her hands raise and gestures to herself, ] here we are again.
[ Her head turns further into his shoulder. He says he cares and she isn't sure how much he does. She can't tell if he's fully unearthed the emotion he had for her once. Or, if it's some sort of lingering ghost that he might never fully recapture. ]
Maybe not a weapon, but, I can fight these things. Stop them. [ Jesse curls slightly against him. ] You work with us and stop trying to be a lone hero.
[ A lengthy pause fills the room. Then, her trembling hands raise. They curl in the back of the flannel he wears. Jesse can remember the last time they reunited. He was wearing the same flannel. Now, he's older. His hair is longer. He has a beard. Even then she can tell one thing. It's Alan. Alan Wake. The man that she let in and trusted ... the first person she ever really did trust after Ordinary.
« Would I have learned to trust the people in the Bureau without him? »
Jesse presses her face further into his shoulder. He weight leans against his for a moment. ]
You're back... you're home. You're actually home.
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