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outlierdirector) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2024-08-28 05:28 pm
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2024-08-28 05:28 pm
oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞
I'm fighting to save my love somehow
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this place inside my mind
no subject
He grabs the keychain, not wanting to leave it behind, and he checks to make sure the photograph is still in his hand.
Alan follows alongside Steve as they go up the stairs, down a hallway that feels like it goes on forever, until they stop at a door. Alan's surprised he managed the walk without too much trouble, only stumbling a few times on the way.
Once they reach the door, Alan feels his nerves start to rise, and he pinches the inside of his wrist in an attempt to distract himself. Stay calm... ]
Okay. Thanks, uh- thanks for the help.
[ He nods back at him and then he steps inside. At first, he just looks at the floor, keychain and the photograph held tightly in both hands. But there's a force drawing him into the room, pulling him in, and he just follows that pull.
The door closes behind him but he just stands there just inside it, wanting to get closer but hesitating too. He wants to close the gap, maybe even go in for a hug, but can he do that? Does he have the right to?
Their first sight of each other didn't go well, and that's putting it mildly. He didn't even remember it was her. What if she hates him because of it? He's so lost in thought about what he should do that he doesn't even notice it when that unsteady feeling creeps back up on him and he brace himself with a hand on the door frame. Once he's steadied himself, he finally lets his gaze travel up to meet hers, and then he finds he just can't look away. ]
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Steve had mentioned in the text that it seemed like some of Alan's memories had slid into place. She knows it's to be expected. Still, that part of her that's always remained the girl from Ordinary had hoped that they would be more powerful than otherworldly entities. Like something out of a story. Maybe because Alan kept writing himself into so many of them.
« It's been thirteen years. I've changed... he's changed. Maybe holding onto this was pointless in the end. What if it doesn't matter anymore? What if we're too different now? Have I changed too much for him to even see that I'm still ... me? »
She doesn't hate him.
She's hurt.
« He probably can't read me like he could before. I have so many walls now, and lowering them earlier... it probably doesn't matter now. I'm probably just Jesse Faden the Director that he sent messages to... not the paranoid scared girl he met in Bright Falls. »
Jesse's eyes dart quickly to the side.
« Even Dylan could still see me.
Shit. I'm going to have to say something, aren't I? Damn it. » ]
Steve said you were ready to talk now.
[ « Neutral's okay. Right? I mean, if he wanted to acknowledge anything or do anything... he'd do it. At least, he would before. » ]
no subject
What do I do now?
How do I even talk to her? What if- what if she's given up? I know she wouldn't use me like that, but what if the keychain and the picture was just something to get me to talk?
No, that's not it. I can get her to change her mind. I have to try, even though I know she's upset. Look at her. She probably doesn't even want to be in the same room as me, not after what happened earlier.
Damn it, I'm not giving up now. ]
... Hi. [ That's it? That's ridiculous. ] Look, I- That didn't go well back there, and that's my fault, but I needed to work through some things. I still need to work through some things, but...
[ He holds up the keychain and the picture. ]
It's probably too late, and if it is, I get it, but- I remember now. At least, more than I did before.
no subject
Seeing how he had no idea who she was quickly dashed all of those hopes.
Now, she's not sure he could even handle half the things she wanted to tell him.
« He's not fragile... but he's not exactly stable either. Does he really remember me? Us? Or, does he just think he does cause he has a picture? »
Green eyes that seem to glow with that shimmer fall down to the items in his hands.
« ... he lost his keychain. Didn't he? I knew it meant more to me than him, but... »
It stings in a way it shouldn't. ]
Hi. [ Her voice is smaller than she'd like, more inward and protected. ] What exactly do you remember?
no subject
But since all of this seems to be his fault, he needs to be different. He can't be who he was in 2010. No running from his problems, his mistakes, but facing it head-on. If he can, anyway.
At least now, he's not running. They wouldn't let him run if he tried, but running is the last thing on his mind. ]
I remember... us. You. [ He has to dig through the soup that seems to be his memories, as unpleasant as that image is, but the ghost of the recollection he's trying to find is still in there. ] Your friend. It's all in bits and pieces, but I remember.
[ Will she believe me?
Fingers curl around the keychain and the picture both as he tries even harder to remember. It's only making the ache in his head worse, but he needs to remember. It's important that he does, otherwise he's just another liar. ]
I promised I wouldn't forget you, didn't I? You should hate me for breaking that.
no subject
A sharp inhale at what he has said. Does he really remember hee? Their time together. Polaris. It sounds almost too good to be true. It sounds almost fairytale--something out of a story when reality dictates something else. She glances to the side, then back at him. ]
Tell me something I told you. [ Another glance to the side with a small frown. ] I don't hate you.
[ « Hating would be easy. I still love him, and that's why... that's why it hurts. Why it always hurt. Every time. It took me awhile to realize that's why... »
He should remember she doesn't trust easy. She doesn't open up easily. She took a risk to open up to him and while there is that urge to open up again? There is also the wisdom that says she has to be careful. Cautious.
« I have people to protect. I'm the Director now. »
Polaris gently brushes against the Writer's mind once more. ]
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I don't know how I was able to get those back, but it's trying to keep me from getting more of them.
She asks him to tell her something that she told him, and the flash of the internal struggle shows on his face as he tries to swim through the water in his mind. The Dark Presence is still active and enticing him to just give up, let go, stop fighting... But he can't, and he won't. ]
Ordinary.
[ The word bursts out of him with an unintended force, but the Dark Presence had tried its best to keep him from responding. ]
And... and we said we loved each other, didn't we? [ The swirling waters begin to sound like more of a roar in Alan's mind, but he tries desperately to keep pushing back. ] I said I love you.
[ She asked him to tell her what she said to him, not what he said to her, but he feels that she needs to know that he remembers. He might not remember much, but he's trying to remember what's important.
He almost misses the feeling of Polaris brushing against his mind, as the Dark Presence is trying to drown him out, but he feels it, even if only barely.
...Can you help push it back? I'm trying, but I don't know how long I can keep this up.
He wonders if Polaris can even hear him over the sound of the water. ]
no subject
Polaris gently hums, that geometric light pattern swirling in the place in Alan's mind where he sees things. Where inspiration comes from bits of peoples lives and experiences he has known. Dhe glimmers brightly then dimly, and one word seems to be accompanied by a voice that sounds like a familiar woman's, but lighter and more harmonious.
｟ Light. "A sound. A resonance. It shouldn't be a surprise. If there's one, why not another." ｠
If the Hiss could interact with the Darkness, than Polaris can interact with the Light. But the Writer needs to bring the Light from in himself.
Jesse looks down once more at Alan's answer. She curls her hands to keep them from shaking. Not that it really works all that well. She still trembles. ]
Yeah. We did. It just took me longer to say it.
no subject
The sound of crashing waves is broken up too then, interrupted by a familiar voice, but with subtle differences.
Alan finds himself reaching for the voice and the light both, knowing he can't let the darkness take control. But the light inside himself seems just as dim, if not dimmer, and that's how the Dark Presence wants it to be.
A stray thought comes to mind, and Alan frowns at the fragmented recollection that came from out of nowhere.
The Diver... What happened to the Diver?
It seems as though the Dark Presence has done its best to bury the light inside Alan, and he's having difficulty calling it up now when he needs it the most. It's there, but it's been pushed so far down that it feels like it's out of his reach. ]
... That's why you're here, isn't it? Well, because of the... Altered World something.
[ A pause. ]
Were you looking for me?
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[ Her gaze drifts down. She falls silent for a few moments. Her hands flex. Polaris shifts. It's clear to Jesse that her friend is trying to reach Alan for some reason. Maybe Alan asked, or maybe it's because Polaris is trying to reclaim territory and people. Polaris is still a resonance being that wants things in her frequency. Jesse isn't stupid enough to think that it's purely altruism with her friend--especially after what she's learned from the Oldest House. The Hiss Invasion. ]
I told you once that if you called, I'd go anywhere you told me to. [ She hesitantly raises her green eyes to his gray ones. ] You said "It's happening again." This time, at Bright Falls, was going to be another event like what happened in 2010. You called, I showed up. That was what I said.
[ « His eyes are darker than I remember. » ]
Yes. I was looking for you---as me, not the Director.
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Why is it special? Because we were here before when something happened? [ He places particular emphasis on "something", knowing it wasn't just any old run of the mill event. He's just trying to reform the timeline in his mind, because it's become a little too scattered to be useful. ]
You said that? Sorry, I- Something's keeping me from remembering everything. I want to remember everything, and I think it's all still in here somewhere, but it's like it's being blocked.
[ He pauses for a few seconds. It feels like minutes. ]
... Thanks. Thank you for coming. It- it means a lot. Really.
[ His eyes focus on hers, not wanting to look away ever again. ]
Well, you found me. What happens now?
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[ « I couldn't save most of them. »
She nods to his next question. It's more that Jesse finds Bright Falls special on a personal level. She has to be involved. Just like it was her mess to clean up from the events of Ordinary. Her involvement for both AWEs may scale differently, but, it doesn't change the fact she was present for both of them. She has to finish things. Put a bookend on it.
« I was just hoping that I could with Alan, then we could... maybe I shouldn't have held onto dreams for so long. »
Jesse falls quiet as she watches him. Listens to what he says. He's saying things, but she can tell there's something missing. The little annotations or ways he'd phrase things when talking to her specifically. If he really can't remember her? It all makes sense. She understands. She really does. After seeing what she has in the Oldest House? Seeing reports from several agents about thresholds? Everything Alan is going through makes sense.
That doesn't stop the familiar sense of loneliness from gripping her heart.
« ... that's all? Just, "thanks." After all these years of waiting and trying to find him... »
She's not angry or even dismissive. If anything, it's the one word she had tried for years to ignore using. She thought it would be like when they reunited in that town in Arizona. Emotional. A homecoming. Then again, she also thought that reuniting with Dylan would be filled with apologies and the chance to talk and explain herself. That's not how it turned out at all. None of it was. None of this turned out like she thought it would.
Her gaze drops from his to the floor. There's no look of disappointment, or anger, or hurt in her expression. Her expression remains perfectly still save for her downwards tilted eyes. Loneliness. Longing. The word she doesn't want to even think of: heartbreak.
« It's like a monkey's paw. I wished for Alan to come home. He came home... but, without the thing that meant the most...
Does he remember everything about Alice? » ]
You're welcome. [ Her tone is quiet, but not withdrawn or defensive. Small. Something bordering on vulnerable. ] My management team probably didn't like it. Not that they ever like me on the front lines.
[ As for his other question? Jesse hesitates. Then, she reaches for the gray clipboard container she had earlier. Her eyes are still pointed down as she pops it open and pulls out an assortment of papers. Papers that have mud and dirt on them. Weirdly shaped imprints of familiar black solid shadows.
Handwritten edits.
She holds them up for him to take, only quickly glancing at him before trying to hide her emotions once more. ] ... I thought maybe you could tell me. We found these in the Sheriff's Office... and the FBI's field office. I thought, maybe, you'd need my help again. But, maybe you don't. Agent Anderson is in the manuscript pages.
[ « Like we used to be. » ]
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Is it even worth trying to bring those back up? Look at her. She looks upset; maybe she's regretting ever coming here and finding me like this. I don't think this is how she imagined us meeting again, and that's probably my fault too.
When he sees her gaze fall away from his, part of him wants to step back... maybe even ask to be put somewhere else. Somewhere she doesn't have to see him. Maybe she thinks this was a mistake. ]
Why's that?
[ He gives her a careful looking over, as if taking in her appearance for the first time, noting details about her that might have escaped anyone else's notice. He's a writer, and he can't help but notice those small details.
He doesn't see anything about her that would mean she can't handle herself in the thick of the action. Wanting to be on the front lines makes sense to him somehow.
His eyebrows raise when she reaches for the clipboard containing the papers, and then his gaze instantly zeroes in on them. He knows those papers. How?
She holds them out to him, and he takes them with a suddenly unsteady hand. Gray eyes scan the writing on them, noting the scribbled out parts and the words written down in the margins or over the words themselves. ]
This is my writing. Obviously, you probably figured that out. But-
[ He scans the pages again, picking out Anderson's name and other names besides. His fingers curl around the pages suddenly, causing a crinkling noise as the paper wrinkles in his hold.
She doesn't understand, because how could she? It's not like I've told her anything yet. I'm trying to remember; trying to get it back... get us back. I know we were important to each other. We ARE important to each other, but something's not letting me remember specifics.
His grip on the paper tightens more. More pages crinkle. Estevez probably won't like that, but Alan's not thinking about her right now. ]
"Maybe I don't"? [ Suddenly, Alan's voice sounds quieter and a little sadder than before. ]
Why would I have tried to reach you if I didn't need your help? These pages... you're not in them, but I think I wanted you to be in them. I think I tried to put you in them, but it didn't work. You can't just put anything in a story and expect it to work out, but that doesn't mean I didn't try.
[ That's right. I must have tried to write us into it, but maybe I didn't do it correctly. It has to be believable for it to work, right? Yeah... that sounds right. It feels right. I don't like it, but that's how the story works. ]
... I still need your help. [ I don't think I can do this without her. ]
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[ « Maybe if they had been kinder... more understanding... things would have gone different in Ordinary. If they went different, would I have met Alan? Maybe not. Not that it matters at the moment. We're basically meeting for the first time all over again. »
He takes--almost snatches--the papers from her.
Jesse lowers her hand once again and simply gives a small frown. A knowing look. Yes, she knows Alan's handwriting. She knows how he writes. Even the messages over the Hotline sounded like Alan's writing despite how brief and precise the writing seemed to be. No more allegories or relations. Hardcore facts. Hadn't he mentioned something about needing to "trim the fat" and "make it ugly"? ]
You told me that you needed a hero to help you escape. The last time you reached out to me before now. [ Her eyes dart to the side as she feels Polaris shift. ] It looks like Agent Anderson is that hero now... given what the manuscript pages say and what we've been able to piece together.
[ She raises her eyes after a moment. ] I know you didn't write that manuscript. This isn't the kind of story you'd write. How the story is written isn't the way you write. People can hear it in your voice if they read it... but it isn't your story. The scratched out and handwritten parts are. I can tell by reading it.
So... what do you need me to do? [ A trembling hand lifts to the papers. ]
no subject
I think... you've changed the way the Bureau works, because that's how you want things to be. You don't want things being different. Sending people into danger on their own.
[ There's a pause that lasts for a few seconds. ] You were on your own once, and you don't want that happening to anyone else. Right?
[ He's not sure how he remembers that, but it feels right, and it seems to go with what she's telling him. I trusted her once. I can trust her again, no matter what the story's trying to make me do. I do trust her. ]
I- I remember trying to fix the story. Make edits. Something- someone wrote the manuscript using the title I planned to use a long time ago. It's dark, horrific. I wouldn't write that. I-
[ I can't even say I don't want to hurt people. I've already done that. I've already hurt her. But even I have a limit, even if she doesn't think I do. ]
The story has to have an element of darkness, of... difficulty. But it's not like this. I wouldn't write this.
[ He knows he doesn't need to say that, as she's just said that she knows this isn't something he'd produce, but he feels the need to state it in his own words. ]
The Dark Presence is trying to make people believe these are my words, but they're not. It finished the manuscript, but I have to change it. I have to fix it, but it's got a head start, and I don't know if I can catch up.
[ What do I need her to do? Is it bad that I don't know?
He puts the papers down and he slides them over to her in case she wants to have them back. His shoulders lower and his gaze falls too as uncertainty settles back in. ]
The Dark Presence is still out there. It's going to keep coming, because it hasn't gotten what it wants yet. I need to find a way to stop it for good this time.
[ He looks up again just slightly, but there's a hesitancy in his movements. ] I'm guessing the Bureau doesn't like lending their firepower. Whatever firepower's left, anyway.
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[ « It's because he's Alan Wake. »
Not the famous author, but the parautalitarian. The one that ended the AWE in 2010 and has somehow been making contact with people across dimensions for thirteen years. There's an element of study and needing to know for the Bureau. She can't deny that. That's just not what it is for Jesse. He's someone she loves. She can't lock him up and throw away the key.
Dylan's only in the containment he's in because of the Hiss... and being in coma.
Her gaze stays downwards. ]
Yeah... for awhile it was just me. Sometimes my friend--when the connection would work. [ Her hands flex. ] You were there a few times.
[ « Then, I was alone again. Just you here with me when you could be. »
Jesse frowns more as her eyes narrow at the floor.
« Then, I was alone again. Just you here with me when you could be. Now... now you're here with me always. Dylan isn't taken by the Hiss. Alan's home. Everything I have wanted for YEARS... and it's still wrong somehow. » ]
"Departure" was the same way. [ She gently intervenes. ] The Dark Presence--what the Bureau calls "the Shadow"--used you to write a story. It even took the name of your next novel. You had to get back to the place you wrote "Departure" to change the ending. Stop everything from happening. Save Alice Wake.
Which means this isn't much different of a situation. It's created a manuscript using you. We need to find the pieces to change the story's ending and put a stop to this AWE.
[ Jesse feels her heart clench at the statement. She can't even ask Polaris what has come to mind. The fear that he's going to leave her behind again.
« I still hate that room. » ]
What it wants is out into our world. Most resonances like it want to exist in our world to spread their influence. Even my friend is like that to a degree. Except, she's good. Harmonious. Lives with us instead of taking us over. The Dark Presence uses artists to do it but we don't know why it can alter reality using art. Every resonance works differently... for some reason it just responds to art.
[ Her eyes dart to the pile of manuscripts. Her shoulders curl slightly. He sent her the message of being in Bright Falls not to be there when he came home... but to fight the Dark Presence again. Her heart beats. Of course. He wouldn't remember anything about them. Why would he ask her to be there to welcome him home? ]
I'm your firepower. So, just point me in a direction. I'll take care of it. Just like I did Hartman.
no subject
[ Just because he's having trouble remembering everything that he did and said and promised doesn't mean he's lost the ability to be perceptive.
I love her. I know I do. It's not just a feeling, not something that I made myself believe. I really love her. It's just connecting the dots again and bringing what I know and what I feel together. ]
Your friend. The... the guiding star. She's still with you. [ He knows that, because he felt her, or heard her, or whatever the best way of describing that is. It reassures him to know that Jesse's not alone. ]
Right. "Departure". I remember trying to follow the story, to change the ending. You were helping me with that.
[ An image pops into his head, combined with a feeling... a feeling of holding her as they kiss. As they lie next to each other. His gaze snaps to hers as his gray eyes try to meet hers so he can see them. Drown in them.
Except he can't drown; he has to focus and figure out what his next steps are. ]
It sounds easy when you put it like that. The Dark Presence kills. It'll hunt everyone down and use them, or kill them if it can't use them. I can't ask you or the Bureau for help, because that puts all of you in danger.
I know that's what it wants, and it's not going to stop until it gets it. It doesn't care who gets in the way, or who just happens to be there. It'll target all of you and everyone in Bright Falls. It's already happened once; I don't want it to happen again. Maybe if you just give me a gun and a flashlight, I can lure it away from here.
That way, I can figure out how to stop it and no one else has to get hurt.
[ He realizes what she's just said, about being his firepower, and this time, he snaps to attention. He crosses over to where she's standing before he's even aware of moving, and without even thinking about it, he puts his arms around her. ]
No. I won't do that to you. I won't ask you to do that.
[ He hesitates for a fraction of a second before he pulls her in close for a hug. ]
no subject
[ The outstretched trembling hand puts the manuscript pages to the side. Then, she flexes her hand. A sense of power can be felt in the room. Polaris's hum gently fills quiet places. The intention was to tell him all about Polaris. Everything she had learned about her friend, Hedron, the Bureau, the Hiss. Now she doesn't see the point in it. Not when he barely remembers her or their screwed up relationship. The details wouldn't matter. ]
She's always with me now. We can't separate. [ Jesse figures that's the best way to put it for now. She could throw everything behind the cheap excuse of "classified." Except for the fact it's a cheap answer and she knows Alan won't take it. ] So...anywhere in this building you're going to sense her. Any time you're around me you're going to sense her more than you did before.
[ Her gaze keeps away from his. A particular flash of emotion crosses her face at the mention of her helping with "Departure." She's not sure she really helped at all. Not that it's the time to go over any of it or fill in the gaps. There's more important things going on. ]
You changed the ending of "Departure" on your own. [ She knows the hurt can't entirely be kept from her voice. ] You did whatever you did--diving into the Lake--and that stopped it.
[ Jesse had every intention of slipping back behind her role as the Director from this point on. Be the position Alan was looking for to stop the Dark Presence. After all, that's why he reached out to her in the Oldest House, despite what she wanted to tell herself. How is calling her back to Bright Falls any different? Show up, take care of the spooky dimensional monster, then he leaves to go hunt it down again.
"Maybe if you just give me a gun and a flashlight, I can lure it away from here."
Green eyes that seem to be glow with something else immediately snap to his. The mantle of the Director disappears. A wall comes down, leaving her with the expression as if he's just thrown something at her. He may have forgotten what happened, but Jesse remembers it perfectly clear. The Well-Lit Room. The insisting she go with him to finish it and save his ex-wife, while he insisted he had to do it alone. That he'd come back. He couldn't take her along because she'd just get hurt or even worse and he couldn't handle it if she did.
She stares him down as his arms wrap around her. He pulls her close. Her lip trembles. Whatever is listening she thanks that he can't see the expression on her face. He can feel her shoulders tremble and how her hands shake so badly she couldn't shove him away even if she wanted. ]
You already did. [ She shuts her eyes tightly in hopes that she can at least keep the water she feels gathering in her eyes. The rest has already fallen out of her control. Alan Wake has always been able to do that. ] You told me Hartman needed to be stopped. He was ripping apart the Bureau. You pointed me in the direction and told me to stop him and I DID. Because YOU asked me to do it. Because Hartman was OUR mess to clean up.
[ After a moment, her head lowers. Forehead gently rests against his shoulder in case he had thought about releasing her from his embrace. She's not going to let him decide anything else without her input or her say. This story, them, working with the Bureau. He doesn't get to decide it all on his own anymore. ]
...don't you dare think about taking a flashlight, a gun, and luring it away on your own. You don't get to even imply it. [ She feels her shoulders curl and her voice break. ] You don't get to call me out here to help you stop it halfway then... no! You don't get the right to make that choice! I won't let you!
[ Then, her voice drops once more. ] I'm not being left behind. Again.
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[ He looks down at his hands for a second before looking back up at her, and there's a sudden flash of resolve in his eyes. ] If you say the Bureau can help, well- I know that I can trust you, so... I'll cooperate.
[ He's willing to cooperate because now he knows that she's involved, and the connection they have is what makes him want to trust her and work with her. ]
Always? You can't separate...? [ He looks momentarily confused; his only frame of reference, aside from her and Polaris, is the Dark Presence and how it consumes people, but Jesse hasn't been consumed. She's not mindlessly repeating words like the Taken do. ] That's a good thing, isn't it? [ He asks, needing the confirmation. ]
I barely remember what I did, though. That feels like a lifetime ago now.
[ That's another thing that's bothering him about all this; how is he supposed to fix this if he barely knows what he's supposed to do? How can he find a version of the story that fixes everything if he doesn't even know what his next move is? He really could use some inspiration right now, but it seems as though inspiration has turned its back on him.
He finally manages to do what's been lurking in the back of his mind and give her a hug, but then he immediately wonders if he did the wrong thing once she starts speaking again. He can hear the emotion in her voice even if he can't see the look on her face. ]
But you're not just firepower. You're not just a weapon. [ There's a lengthy pause and a brief struggle seems to play itself out on Alan's face. ] You're Jesse. You're Jesse, and I care about you, even if this stupid story is getting in the way of that.
[ Her continued words wash over him, some of them landing like a ton of bricks, but in the end, he has to admit she's right. The only problem is, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do if he doesn't go off on his own to lure out the Dark Presence. ]
If I don't do that, then- what should I do? I don't want to leave you, and I don't want to go off alone, but what the hell am I supposed to do? No, don't answer that.
[ It's not something she can help with, is it? He has to figure out what he's going to do, but maybe she can offer some suggestions, if nothing else. ]
no subject
[ She glances to the side. ] It's a "good thing" from our point of view. Without her? The Hiss would have won. Though, I'm sure you'd find people who would say it's just as bad. Not that it matters either way. I think she had this planned since we met in the slide. She helps keep what we think are bad things out. She brought me here in 2010 to help you keep the Dark Presence out. So... [ her hands raise and gestures to herself, ] here we are again.
[ Her head turns further into his shoulder. He says he cares and she isn't sure how much he does. She can't tell if he's fully unearthed the emotion he had for her once. Or, if it's some sort of lingering ghost that he might never fully recapture. ]
Maybe not a weapon, but, I can fight these things. Stop them. [ Jesse curls slightly against him. ] You work with us and stop trying to be a lone hero.
[ A lengthy pause fills the room. Then, her trembling hands raise. They curl in the back of the flannel he wears. Jesse can remember the last time they reunited. He was wearing the same flannel. Now, he's older. His hair is longer. He has a beard. Even then she can tell one thing. It's Alan. Alan Wake. The man that she let in and trusted ... the first person she ever really did trust after Ordinary.
« Would I have learned to trust the people in the Bureau without him? »
Jesse presses her face further into his shoulder. He weight leans against his for a moment. ]
You're back... you're home. You're actually home.
no subject
Or maybe you should stop thinking about what you can't do and focus more on what you can. And while you're at it, give her something to work with. She's here because you asked her to be. You need to give her something now.
He startles when that thought enters his mind; where did it come from? Was it some internal voice from himself trying to give him directions? There wasn't anything familiar about the voice, at least not as far as he could tell, but... it didn't just come from nowhere. It's something he files away to try and make sense of later. Right now, he just wants to focus on Jesse. ]
...Okay. I'll try and tell you all what I know. What I've found out. Maybe we can end this.
[ His tone doesn't sound that convincing and he knows it, but all he can see is the threat that the Dark Presence represents; he's just a man with a typewriter or a pen. Even his supposed abilities don't seem that significant at times. ]
So you really are important. You've always been important. Why didn't I make you the hero, then? You and your friend could stop all this. Maybe you're the key; hell, maybe you and Anderson are the key, and I'm just the person who brings the Dark Presence out so you two can put it down.
Maybe that's it! Maybe that's what I need to remember for... [ His words trail off into silence; how he was going to end that sentence was there in his mind one second and gone the next, as if something derailed it before he could even start. Why?
But no amount of thinking brings it back, so he sets it aside for now. ]
Either way, I think you and your friend and maybe even Anderson are the key here. You're who I need to try and fix this.
[ Suddenly, though, almost as soon as it started, Alan's burst of energy seems to drain away and he's left with a sudden tiredness. When she turns her head into his shoulder, his hold on her tightens and he leans more into their embrace as if seeking the comfort it offers. ]
You can fight them and survive. You've done it before. Maybe... maybe I can help with that. Somehow. [ He pauses briefly. ] All right, I decided. I'll work with you, for as long as you'll have me.
[ He suddenly registers the feel of her hands curling into the back of his flannel shirt. Where did that come from? Someone from the Bureau gave it to him, and it somehow fit as if it was made for him. It's comforting in a strange sort of way, just as Jesse's presence is comforting, but it's not strange at all to him, even with his scattered, sketchy memories.
I love her. I know I barely remember her, but I have this feeling that I love her. Does she love me? She must, if she came when I called. She said that, so it must be true.
She leans more of herself against him, and his arms curl further around her in what he hopes is a loving, comforting gesture. ]
I came back, because of you. I came back for you.
[ And there's no doubt in his mind that that's the absolute truth. ]
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[ « With no memories he has no reason to trust me. Even knowing that he's willing to try. That means a lot. » ]
The more we know the more we can find a way to fight against it. Even if we can't destroy it we can at least be prepared.
[ A frown tugs on her face. ] I'm not sure Polaris counters the Dark Presence the same way she does the Hiss. More like... she can help "boost" what already does. Theoretically. You said the Hiss and the Dark Presence worked together to change Hartman.
[ « So, you need a Light Presence? Does that even exist? It has to... doesn't it? "If one then why not two?" Or, something like that. Alan said it on the Hotline.
"Remember for?" For what? » ]
You fought the Dark Presence before. I learned how to from you.
[ He was the one that taught her light and bullets. The flashlights, lanterns, work lamps. All of them worked.
She remembers a manuscript page about the flannel. It was good memories--filled with light--from a better time with Alice. Memories to wrap himself in and fight the darkness. He may never have seen that she read those pages. Part of her always felt as if she inserted herself into his life, even if he technically wrote her into the story. Reading that page and seeing "Sunrise" all but confirmed in her mind she had stepped between Alan and Alice regardless of the divorce.
The flannel is good memories. Memories she wished to have with him too. Something that could make him smile in the dark when they were apart. Happiness to draw on while he used the keychain to find her.
« Those are his memories with Alice. Memories that actually made him happy. Nothing from our time together was probably happy enough to remember. There'd be no reason for him to keep ahold of the keychain. Deerfest is bad memories. How he met both of us are bad memories. Nothing good was from it. Why would he want to remember it? »
Her face scrunches up as tears perk her eyelids. ]
Because of me? Or because the Dark Presence got out again?
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Okay. Whenever you want me to do it, I'll tell you what I know. I'm guessing Estevez will want to be there for that.
[ He figures the least he can do is live with that; he's not the one calling the shots here. ]
But she can help, just like you can. The Dark Presence wants to get out and take over everything that it can, and it won't be good when it does. I don't really know a lot about how Polaris works, but compared to what the Dark Presence does to people, I think I'd choose Polaris every time.
And I learned how from someone else... someone else who isn't from our world, our reality. I wouldn't know how to do anything if he hadn't shown me.
[ His words trail off as he observes a shift in Jesse's demeanor. She seems far away, lost in thought, and he wonders what's on her mind. Gradually, his expression turns more worried the longer the silence between them seems to drag on. Maybe it's only been seconds at best, but it feels like a lot longer to Alan. ]
Yes, because of you. I made promises to you and I had to keep them. I have to keep them. I'm here because of you.
[ Needing to deal with the Dark Presence once and for all is important, but coming back for Jesse is even more important in Alan's mind. ]
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« There's so much we don't know. » ]
Kiran will want to be involved. Especially since any research that's been conducted is out of commission. I guess you can put it that way.
[ The Reaearch team has gone dark. The Lake House has gone dark. Something tells her that the statement is more accurate than she might really know. ]
Polaris... think of her like a frequency you can tune into. She is going to be there in the background. Until she wants to spread herself further into more spaces. It's harmonious. Ambient. Nothing about her is invasive. You have to agree to her frequency and presence.
And, somehow, she interacts with the Light.
[ Her head tilts slightly. ] Who did you learn from?
[ Jesse's hands curl further into the flannel shirt he wears. It's not the same shirt, but, the similarities are definitely there enough to make her wonder on how close this story is to the one he tried to write in Arizona all those years ago. ]
Do you remember what those promises were?
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It also makes her someone he has to protect.
He nods slowly as she continues talking; of course Estevez will want to be involved, as it seems she's been overseeing matters here for some time now. Of course she'll have a lot of questions for him, given how badly her first attempt at questioning him went. It's not something he's looking forward to, but he already said he'd cooperate, and he intends to do just that. ]
Well, she sounds a lot better than what the Dark Presence does, anyway. As far as I'm concerned, she's someone to keep around. Not that she's going anywhere or that it's up to me.
[ He quiets again for a moment or two, trying to think back to his first meeting with... Who was it? I remember hearing a voice, and it belonged to someone who was trying to help me. Why don't I remember? ]
It was... someone in a diver's suit, but we weren't near the water. I think... I think it wasn't just a person in a diver's suit.
[ At her next question, Alan just looks down. ]
I know the memories are there, and I know I made promises to you, but- [ He wants to hit himself in the head, as if that would dislodge the memories that seem to be hidden from him. ]
Did I promise that I'd come back? That I... wouldn't forget you? I guess I didn't keep that one, did I?
[ Now he finds he can't look her in the eyes. ]
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