synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞

[ This time, his gaze lowers and his face falls, and it stays that way, as if he suddenly can't allow himself to keep trying to make eye contact. ]

Maybe not, but it's still my fault. It's still the fault of the Dark Presence. I let it get in, and I let it ruin... us. But... we'll find it again. We'll find us again.

[ It's a brief flash of determination, but it's one of the first ones Alan's had since coming back. The frustrated response that Kiran had to put up with doesn't count, not in his mind. ]

No, I guess not. But as long as you're willing to... move on... Maybe even try picking up where we- If you want to, anyway. [ There's no "we" in that. I'm the one who left her behind, right? She doesn't owe me anything.

Alan's expression darkens again, as he remembers his interactions with the FBI. They weren't harsh or anything like that, but he's firmly convinced it wasn't their job to make him comfortable. It's deserved, after all. This story is a monster, and he's contributed to it whether he meant to or not. And, well, he can't pretend that he didn't mean to. ]

Maybe, but I didn't expect them to. I don't expect any of you to.

[ « "I let it get in"? What the hell does that mean? »

She can guess and those guesses don't make her any happier. Somehow, the Dark Presence took him over. Not to the extent of the Taken (as Alan called them) or the people possessed by the Hiss. Obviously. He's standing in front of her. But... enough to take his memories? Enough to do what?

Her head finally raises. That determination that may ring a bell in his mind is present, but so is another sort of strength. Not just Polaris. An authority. ]

You let it in? What did it DO?

[ « Shit. Shit. Shit. This is NOT good. Didn't it always want an artist in able to change reality to let it into our world? That's why Zane is such a mystery. He stopped it when it took Jagger's body--if the song from the Old God's of Asgard is accurate. And they've been fighting it for YEARS, allegedly. So what happened when Alan let it get in?

How did it get in? What did he do? Or didn't do? What did IT do? » ]

If you're willing to. It's going to be more complicated now. We're more complicated. With the Buearu, Polaris, the Dark Presence, our abilities...

[ « And now he knows I have abilities. Maybe he already suspected it. He might figure he has his own as well. This is such a mess. None od this was supppsed to go this way. » ]

Then, they suck at knowing how to treat a witness. Or a suspect.

[ « And that's the worst kind of agent in my book. » ]

[ The sudden shift in Jesse's demeanor elicits a reaction from Alan almost immediately. His hands clench into fists and he has to fight to stop himself from recoiling and curling inward on himself; as it is, his shoulders hunch and his gaze slides away again. ]

... Not on purpose. Why would I let it in on purpose, knowing what it's like? Knowing what it wants.

[ Maybe this is the crux of the matter, the real reason why he feels like the FBI let him off lightly. The FBC seems to be doing the same, more or less. If the Dark Presence gets into their reality and takes over, won't it be his fault? ]

I don't know everything about what it did, but when I... when I woke up, or whatever you want to call it, there were pages I know I didn't write. The Dark Presence took control, it took me over, and it wrote a story I wouldn't have written.

... What if it comes back? What if it controls me again? That's why you and the FBI and any one else shouldn't bother with anything but getting the answers you need. I'll give you the answers, and then-

[ What? Lock me up? That's not going to help if it controls me again. I can't say what will happen then, but I know it won't be good. ]

Of course I'm willing to, but I think it has to be soon. It has to be fast, in case the Dark Presence can overpower me again. Can your abilities delay it long enough for people to escape?

[ He does accept that there are abilities; it boggles his mind, but he can accept it. He can believe it. He can even believe that maybe he has some abilities of his own. Maybe he's always suspected it. But he doesn't see how his own abilities will save him from the mess that he's in. ]

... Do they? Don't you treat suspects with suspicion? [ Of course he knows she'll notice how he didn't say anything about the witness part. ]

I didn't say you did it on purpose, Alan. [ « Dylan let the Hiss in because he was angry. Angry at the world, the Buearu, you. Me. I can't see Alan doing the same thing. » ] If it got in then I need to know.

[ Manuscript pages. It always comes back to that. Doesn't it? ]

This AWE, this story, [ a gesture is made to the stack of papers, ] is it what the Dark Presence wrote using you? Like with "Departure."

[ « It would explain why it doesn't sound like Alan but people hear his voice when reading it. » ]

"And then" what? Lock you up like a criminal? Like Hartman?

[ His question about her abilities comes forward. Jesse takes a small step back. A hand raises to the side and chair comes barreling towards them. It stops short and simply hovers in the air. A faint sound can be heard--Polaris. ]

Do you really need a demonstration?

I know you didn't, but how do I know that it's not my fault that it got in? Maybe I didn't let it in; maybe it broke in, but that's still my fault.

[ His expression has sobered, and he finds it hard to even keep looking at her. This is his responsibility, and he needs to fix it; he just needs to figure out how to do that. ]

It got in. It got in, it wrote another story, and I need to change the story so that... so that no one gets hurt. I know that's what it does; it hurts people and it doesn't care about who it hurts or how many of them, as long as it gets what it wants.

[ He nods slowly, with no small amount of reluctance. ]

It used me to write this story. This... terrible, dark story.

[ Finally, he levels a glance at her. ] I'm just as bad as a criminal, aren't I? Even if I don't remember what happened when it wrote this story, I'm still responsible. It's still my fault.

[ No, he doesn't need a demonstration of her abilities, but he knows he wants to see it in action anyway. And she doesn't disappoint; the chair barrels towards them, stopping short just inches away, and Alan's eyebrows raise. ]

Okay. If the Dark Presence comes back, you can stop it. You have to stop it. But... but if it gets too much- [ It kills people, doesn't it? I don't want that happening to her. That would be something else that's my fault. I won't let that happen. ]

Run. Don't stay here. Get your people and run.

[ Maybe they won't get far, but it's better than staying to fight a losing battle, isn't it? ]

[ Jesse remains quiet and simply listens to everything that comes from him. The why the Dark Presence got to him isn't the important part to her right at the moment. The fact that he's here, home, and they have to end this new story is the first order of business. They can figure out how the Dark Presence used him both times once it isn't running amuck. ]

It doesn't think of people as people. They're a means to an end. Something to add to itself. The Hiss were the same way. Polaris may be the same way to a degree. She's just more... willing to work with living things.

[ « Although, I think you do know beings are individual and respect it. » ]

We can't run away. If we do, then who fights it? These things are our job. We investigate, find a way to end, then study these things. I'm not coming here just to turn around and run. This has been going on long enough. Thirteen years is long enough. It ends now.

[ She let's the chair drop. ] All of these can be stopped. It's finding the right way to stop it. Ordinary's AWE ended when the Slide Projector was turned off. So, we find what will cut off the link between the dimension the Dark Presence comes from and ours. The Lake is just the place that it happens in.

Any ideas?

[ A lot of what he's doing and saying is venting his frustrations and worries about the situation they're dealing with. It's complicated in so many ways, and it's all bigger than him. The Dark Presence could overpower him easily enough, and that's what scares him. But what scares him more than that is the thought of the Dark Presence overpowering those he cares about most, and that's something he just can't allow. ]

I know it doesn't. I know it doesn't care about people; it doesn't care about this reality, except for the fact that it wants to take it over. We can't- I can't let that happen.

You could run away though. This all started because of me, didn't it? I should just keep working to find a way to stop it, even if... [ His words trail off there, as he knows the thought forming in his mind isn't one either of them want. He asked her to be here, to find him, and they have to work on this together. ]

Never mind. We'll find a way to stop it now that we're both here.

[ She asks if he has ideas, and he pauses for a moment to think. ]

It's like before, I think. The story needs the right ending, only this time, the ending is stopping the Dark Presence and this AWE. I just need to find a way to write it.

Do you really think I could run away? With my guiding star?

[ « He probably remembers you even less than me. Best to keep it in terms he'll remember. I know you've been trying to reach out to him. Any luck? »

Polaris shifts.

« Yeah. I know. » ]

I don't run away. Not after what happened in Ordinary. You're the one who decided I couldn't follow you--the one who left me. Us. Don't tell me to run away after that. [ Despite how the words may sound harsh? Her tone is soft. ] You're home and that's where you're staying.

[ « That's how it was before. Stopping the Dark Presence. Making all this stop. » ]

Do you need to look over the pages we have?

[ He opens his mouth to argue, to try and make some other argument why it's not her problem to solve. Why she has no obligation to stay. But any counter argument he would make just seems to fall on its face, even in his mind. She's not selfish, she's not a coward. She wouldn't run from this just because it's dangerous. ]

You could, because nothing's stopping you, but you wouldn't because you're not like that. You don't run.

[ He shakes his head. ] I don't think you'd run. [ I just wish she would, but I know that she won't.

He quiets again as she continues speaking, and then those words land and register in his mind. You're the one who decided I couldn't follow you--the one who left me.

There's an immediate change of expression on Alan's face. His shoulders slump slightly and a look of tiredness... of exhaustion slides into place. The bags under his eyes seem to become more pronounced as he just looks at her. ]

I want to stay here. I don't want to have to leave again.

[ The admission slides out of him quietly, but he doesn't want to call it back. But then she mentions the pages she has, and something in Alan seems to snap to attention. The tiredness remains, but his focus asserts itself again. ]

Yeah. Can I see them? It's not classified or something, is it?

I did once.

[ « If I hadn't, how different would things have been? I would have been in the Buearu with Dylan... maybe he wouldn't have accepted the Hiss if we both were there. I wouldn't have met Alan. I wonder if that would have changed anything. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered. » ]

You're not leaving again. I'm not letting you decide anything about us--whatever we have of it--alone anymore.

[ « Three times was three too many. »

She can tell the exhaustion on his face. Someone would have to be blind not to see it. It doesn't change the fact that everything he has asked her to jump or run with him she has. Every time she thought it would lead to the road where he was at the end waiting to be pulled home. She doesn't doubt he tried, she doesn't dismiss he's exhausted.

Jesse just wants him home. Permanently. ]

Yeah. [ She turns back to the gray clipboard and holds it up. ] This is what we found and what your FBI Agents had in their field office.

Once, but that was then. That's not now. You wouldn't do that now.

[ His expression falls gradually until he's looking down again. He's not trying to go out of his way to be ungrateful; he knows (somehow, since the Dark Presence keeps screwing with his memories) that Jesse's done everything he's ever asked him to, but he still has doubts and worries, and he can't seem to keep a lid on them. ]

What if it's not our choice? What if it's decided for us? What if I... What if I can't do anything?

[ Those last times, Alan made the choice. He did the deciding, but something tells him that he may not always have that kind of control. Maybe choices will be made for him, things decided for him.

What if they don't get to choose how things go? ]

What if it doesn't let you choose?

[ Slowly, almost reluctantly, he lifts his eyes again to look at what's on the clipboard. ]

You've read them too, haven't you? What do you think about them? [ If she wants to help, maybe she can give input. Or maybe she can't, and Alan's just barking up the wrong tree. ]

Edited 2024-09-29 23:04 (UTC)

No. [ She immediate cuts into his questions. Stern. In control. Not much like the young woman he knew who was paranoid and unsure to state her opinion and decisions. ] There is always a choice. Even if that choice is to do nothing and let it fold out or to change it and fight the story. Those are still choices, Alan.

You're not powerless and unable to decide if you're going to fight or let it sink you down.

[ She is the Director of the Federal Bureau of Control. That shows more now than anything. Even a familiar shimmer is around if Alan can still see the guiding star. ]

I had to read them. [ Her head tilts. ] You didn't write them. I mean, the parts typed out on a typewriter. The handwritten ones is your storytelling. I know how you write. [ A gesture is made to the manuscript. ] They look like the ones "Departure" was written on.

Okay, so say that you're right. Say that there's always a choice, that what I do still matters. What if I fight the story and it still has the upper hand?

[ He feels powerless to do much of anything, in spite of what Jesse might say or would have him believe. ]

What if I decide to fight and it fights back? It's going to fight back, and I don't know if I can do anything to stop it.

[ He can't seem to stop doubting himself, and he knows that's going to be a problem. He can't fight the story if he doesn't believe that he can do it. ]

Okay. You read the story, that's good. And- And I think I'm remembering a little more now, so that's good too, isn't it? The handwritten parts... that's me fighting the story. Trying to change it, because I wouldn't write this. The story that I'd write wouldn't be like this at all. Yes, that's right.

I was trying to write it how I'd do it, but since it's already written, I had to go along with it, only changing bits and pieces of it.

... That's still what I have to do, isn't it? [ He knows the answer, but he needs to ask for confirmation too. ]

[ The stern look on her face continues to narrow as he speaks. He doesn't sound like himself. Alan had doubts, worries, concerns. He never gave up. What he's saying sounds more like someone who is simply waiting to be told to either keep up the fight or to just stop and roll over. Both cause a bristle to go up her spine.

« No, no. NO. This isn't Alan--this is what the story is making him to be. This is what it's making him see and feel and even believe. He's trapped in it just as much as we are. » ]

It doesn't matter if it has the upper hand. We fight it. We make it change. I didn't have the upper hand when I first found the Buearu. We didn't have it the first time in 2010.

[ She points to the paper in his hands. ]

We follow it to the ending. The ending isn't written, is it? We change it if the Dark Presence has then. What do you need to change it?

[ He sees the look on her face and hears the almost snappish tone in her voice, and part of him wants to snap to attention and snap out of this despondent mood, but the Dark Presence doesn't want that. It wants him to stay there; it wants him to think all of this is pointless, that he should just stop.

I don't WANT to stop. If I stop, I don't get to come home. If I stop, none of this ends. That's what she's saying. That's what I know.

Still, Alan's shoulders remain lowered and he knows he still looks like someone who's been defeated. ]

How do we do that? The only way I know how to fight it is with the story, and that's not really fighting it, is it? It's not something we can find and punch or shoot.

What do I need to change it? Just... the pages. The manuscript. I just have to edit them and write out an ending that works. It sounds easy when you say it that way.

We can fight the things taken by it while you change the ending. [ Jesse shakes her head. ] I can fight against it. I have before with Hartman. I know what it's weak to and what it would do to things around us. It... might be hard if the power goes out, but, we can manage.

[ « With you, me, and the Service Weapon. » ]

I'm guessing it's not as easy as just grabbing a pen and getting to work.

[ « Because it never was... why would it be now? »

It's not hard to see the last thirteen years have left a mark on Alan. His confidence seems utterly gone. It's easier to see he's afraid. Things seem harder for him to remember... and none of that begins to touch the obvious of how he doesn't remember her or Polaris. Not that those two matter the most in the end now that she's Director. The AWE and people come first.

« No, that's not true. It matters to me... us. We just come secondary. Maybe we don't even place at all now. » ]

Edited 2024-10-06 16:16 (UTC)

How can you sound so confident? When you say it like that, it sounds so easy. [ This has to be because of what's in the story, but is it what I wrote or what Scratch wrote? I guess I have no way of knowing that, unless it's on a page somewhere. ] You might be able to fight it, but it might be able to kill you instead, and I couldn't- I won't let that happen.

[ Alan feels his hands curling as his fears start to rise, but he tries to push them back down again. Now isn't the time for him to panic, not when there's things he wants to say to Jesse. Not when he just wants to be with Jesse. ]

In a way, it's actually really simple. Start writing, making edits, changing what's been written... but it can't be too simple. It still has to fit with what's already there. If it doesn't, the story doesn't work anymore. It has to be exactly right.

[ And that, more than anything, is what causes Alan the most worry, the most stress. What if he can't get it exactly right? What if he does, and people end up hurt or killed because of him? He's doing his best to do damage control, but there's only so much that he can do.

A part of him wonders if he can really do this at all. ]

What happens if I can't figure it out? [ He knows what happens; he's not even sure why he's asking. Maybe he's asking in hopes that Jesse can reassure him somehow. Maybe she can stop the panic that's threatening to seize him before it gets too bad.

... All he seems to have is a bunch of maybes. ]

Because this is what I do. I go up against paranormal entities. This isn't the first time I've gone up against the Dark Presence. The third time, if you want to count Hartman. [ Jesse shakes her head at him. ] There's always a risk.

[ She can't tell if he genuinely doubts her or if the story is making him act that way.

« What's worse? The fact he might doubt me... or the fact that I can't tell if he's changed or if it's the story? »

Her eyea drop once more to the manuscript in his hands. He has to get it just right. So, the problem he has had the last thirteen years. Getting the story right to come home.

« Except now the Dark Presence wrote another story using him. Just like "Departure." »

Her eyes dart back up to him in a pointed way. He already knows what happens if he can't fix the story. Whatever ending is already there becomes real. The Dark Presence gets out. Saying all of that feels just as pointless as hoping he's going to remember what they hope he does.

« Did he really come back home from the night? » ]

Then, the Bureau stops it our way. I'd rather we do it the way you know. You've done it before. We just... need to keep going.

It's what you do, but what happens if you get killed? What happens if you go against the Dark Presence again and it finds a way to stop you for good?

[ It'll be my fault, that's what happens. I can't let her put herself in so much danger. ]

That's why I have to find the right ending now, before you or anyone else gets hurt.

[ He just has to stop being afraid and stop doubting himself and get to work. The story won't fix itself, and it's not being fixed while he's busy being scared of it and the darkness. ]

Okay... Keep going. Figure out the ending, write it down. I can do this.

[ He's already trying to think of what he can write that might satisfy the Dark Presence while also letting him come home. It's intricate because he feels it has to be, but it's not so complicated that he can't see the main plot points. ]

What if I wrote something to lure it out? Bait it out into the open so that you and your Bureau can stop it?

That's a risk. Someone has to take it. Should I just feed my agents to it like canon fodder? No. And you wouldn't either.

[ She feels as if this is more Alan venting out his stress and worry rather than a conversation. Some back and forth in his own mind if he should willingly pull her along.

« Well, too late for that. He gave me a time and date. I'm here now. We both are. You wouldn't mind round 2. Would you? »

Polaris shimmers.

« I thought you wouldn't. » ]

And what sort of bait would that be? How would it look?

But why does that someone have to be you? I'm the one who caused all this, the one who made all this start happening.

[ Something tells him she'll reject this out of hand, but right now, he can't see any other options. He won't put more people in harm's way. He can put himself in harm's way, because he sees it as something deserved and the natural consequence of everything that's happened. ]

What sort of bait?

[ His expression seems to darken briefly before he points to himself by way of an answer. ]

Make me the bait to lure it out, and then we can stop it. Trap it. Destroy it. Whatever we have to do to stop this for good.

Because I'm the Director. [ Her tone is sharp but flat. Punctual and factual. ] I'm me. With Polaris. The best you have your arsenal and you know it.

[ « It's not as if he can remember anything else. »

A bitter thought but it's how she truly feels. Hurt and bitter. The Dark Place is refusing to return him to her.

« This is MY fight. »

She frowns at the suggestion. ]

You want me to put you on a stick and dangle you?

Yeah, you're the Director, and you're good at it. You're a damn good Director, and me, well, I'm just a guy who's trying to fix the problems he caused. I don't think I'm doing that well at all, but maybe...

Maybe dangling me on a stick is what we need. Maybe it's what needs to happen to force the Dark Presence to get cocky. Does a dark entity get cocky? I don't know, but maybe it's like me: maybe it gets overconfident, thinks it's winning. Maybe it thinks it can take over everything just by snapping its fingers.

[ Alan's expression turns serious. Thoughtful. Maybe even a little reflective. ]

I used to think I was on top of the world, before- before things knocked me back down and made me realize I wasn't. Maybe it's the same with the Dark Presence.

[ He shakes his head. ]

You probably think this sounds insane.

oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞

OCEANVIEW :: INTO THE DARK

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