synthneon | oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

OCEANVIEW III

and now i'm wide awake.

Oh, I died like a million times.
Through the waves, I break
The nightmares finally over CODE BY TESSISAMESS

[ Bright Falls really is a beautiful place. It's just hard to see past the horror sometimes.

Jesse Faden sits on the picnic table in the back lot of the Bright Falls Sherrif Station. She and her Ranger Captain arrived just in time as back up from the Oldest House--the only back up they could spare in terms of people. However, Jesse brought a otherworldly friend and HRAs to help with that friend. Her guiding star.

They swooped in once the Cult of the Tree attacked the Cauldron Lake Lodge. Estevez's team went to work with questions and cleaning, while she, Jesse and Steve rushed into the woods to find FBI Agent Alex Casey and the famous missing author he and his partner had discovered at Cauldron Lake.

They hadn't found Casey, but they had found Alan Wake. Flannel covered in blood, gun and flashlight on him. Laying on the ground unconscious as the wind blew through the forest.

« How many times have we found him like this? Does it matter? This is the last time. »

Jesse made an immediate line for the author, kneeling down, checking his pulse and gently saying his name trying to rouse him. He was out cold. Estevez's team took him into custody and they moved into the Sherrif Station. Jesse had already told Estevez she wasn't there to out rank her but to support her. She'd do what Estevez needed her to do. They were back up and support, regardless of being the Director.

"You sure about this, Faden?"

Jesse had simply given Steve a look when he asked. She has no idea how the man kept his memories of loops, but she had stopped caring as well. She was just glad someone remembered on their own. No one else seemed to minus odd moments of deja vu. Now, Steve stands by the entrance to the parking lot while Jesse sits to enjoy the last moments of sunlight they'll get until the story ends.

She runs her fingers over the paperwork in the folder in her lap. Manuscript pages that Saga and Casey had found so far. There's quite a lot of them. She can tell what Alan has editted and what Scratch wrote. None of them are the page that she had given to Alan.

« Which means he either has it ... or it was lost somehow. »

Her fingers gently move over the keychain in her hand. The doe with the cutout of the buck around Hee. The missing part. The part that will probably stay missing because Jesse can't force her hand. She can't force the story to give her the ending she wants. Everyone safe, the AWE over, Alan Wake finally home so they can be together.

« That's not how Scratch's story goes. »

The door opens to the parking lot. Steve turns his head, seeing Estevez. He gives a nod and she walks through, holding it open a moment longer. Alan Wake steps through after her. She turns her head to look at Jesse. ]

"Wake's here, Director. Said he wanted to see you." [ She gives a nod of her head for Alan to proceed and then she and Steve step inside the building once more.

Jesse slides the keychain into her pocket. The folder closes and rests in her lap. She turns her head to look at Alan. Her heart gives a painful beat. He's been cleaned up some, now just in the white t-shirt and jeans. She knows it's the last time this will happen. The only time--as far as reality is concerned--she'll be see Alan in the sunlight.

Her head tilts back, dressed in hee tactical outfit. High ponytail with braid at the top of her head. Urban looking. She's ready for a fight she knows is coming even if no one else does.

« He may not remember me. Us. » ]

Alan Wake. [ Jesse hopes she sounds as in control and formal as she tries to be. ] You wanted to talk to me?

[ Between regaining consciousness and being brought to see Jesse at his request, Alan's had some time to think. He needed to think about what he was going to do now; Scratch was still out there somewhere, and so was Agent Casey, and Alan wanted to do something about that. But at the moment, he was not in a position to go anywhere because he'd been taken into custody by the FBC. Still, as far as things went, he'd rather be in their custody than the FBI's. Not that he's said that to anyone.

As Estevez escorts him to meet with Jesse, he feels his nervousness growing. He's not nervous about seeing Jesse; he's nervous about what might happen to everyone if Scratch shows up and starts trying to kill people again. He can still feel an ache in the back of his head, but it's not unbearable like it was before. It could easily become that, but for the moment, it's just a dull pounding sensation. As he walks along, one hand strays to something clipped to his belt loop. It's not just something, not just some trinket; it's something important to him. Something meaningful. He knows it's important and meaningful because of the page that's folded up in the pocket of his suit.

Estevez announces his arrival and his stated interest in coming to see her, and he feels his nervousness grow. His eyes briefly slide over her, taking in her appearance and noting how she's dressed and the way she's styled her hair. It looks like she's ready for trouble, and he can't blame her for that. Trouble does have a way of following him.

He hears the formality in her voice, and he believes he knows why. She must think there's a chance he's forgotten her again. That's fair, given how many times we've done this and how many times I haven't remembered her. I remember her now, though, for whatever that's worth. ]

Director Faden. [ Addressing her that way feels wrong. He knows he can't keep that up. Well, it's more that he doesn't want to. ] I'm sorry, I can't do that, Jesse.

[ Estevez won't approve, but she doesn't quite understand, and I don't blame her either. ]

Yeah, I wanted to talk to you.

[ Jesse wishes she could be nervous about seeing Alan again. All that's there is a certain numbness that accompanies the pain in her chest. Her heart. The pain that will remain nameless as she's afraid the moment she calls it by name? She may break and be unable to be the Director. She might not be able to perfor. the role in the story she's been asked to act out by Alan and by Alice Wake.

Steve hovers in the doorway for a moment. He notes how Alan addresses the Director, then how he changes it to something more informal. The older rangers eyes move to Jesse. The look on her face softens. Steve nods to himself then closes the door. One the ball starts rolling? There won't be any stopping it. Whatever time they can squeeze in needs to be given to the pair.

Jesse glances at the door until it shuts. Then, her softened gaze turns back to Alan. She hates this story. Even if it is what allowed her to meet him to begin with? She hates it. Hates what it's done to the people around her and what it's done to her. It's Scratch's fault in her mind. It all goes back to him.

Railing on about how unfair it all won't do any of them any good. Even if that's all she wants to do in that moment. Breakdown and tell him how unfair it is, how much she hates it, and reaffirm all she wants is for him and Dylan to be with her in their reality. Home.

« There's no point in doing any of that. It'll just make him upset. »

Her emotions, or at least most of them, remain locked down. All he can see is that gentle side that inevitably comes forward when he's with her. ]

About what?

[ Alan's nervousness is because he knows the danger they're all facing. So much is at stake here, and if he doesn't keep pushing forward, people will die and who knows what might end up happening to their reality. It's not the only reason why he's still trying to fix the story and change the ending, because there's a more personal one tied up in all of it too.

He wants to come home to Jesse for good, but getting there seems to be something far off in the distance. It's something that might be approachable, but it's still something they have yet to reach, and part of him worries that it'll be snatched away from them at the last second.

About what? Jesse asks, and Alan realizes no words come to mind to form a response. Maybe he doesn't need them right now. Maybe all he needs is the things he came here with, things he didn't expect to still have on him, but he's glad that he does.

Knowing this feels like the right thing to do, he unclips the keychain that's attached to his belt and pulls out the folded up page that somehow made its way here with him. With both things in hand, he moves closer and puts them down in front of Jesse, and he looks at her waiting to see how she'll react. ]

Edited 2024-05-18 20:38 (UTC)

[ Jesse watches him closely, but not piercing or intently. Just enough to be study what he plans to do or say. She knows Alan is a master at words and sometimes actions when he has an exact thing in mind. Which means he has made up his mind on something. All she needs to do is observe and react appropriately. Play out her part in a story she hates.

Let Alan and Saga find the ending and fix it on their own after she's guided them on the path.

He stands in front of her, then places the objects in his hand on the table. Green eyes move to the items then widen. She knows the page by just a glance. The keychain is merely additional proof that he remembers. Beyond remembering, he understands things unsaid from her. He may not be able to recall every single moment or memory, but, the emotions are still there at the surface.

Jesse lowers her head. Just enough to rest her forehead to his shoulder. Her own sag just enough to show the formalities of the Director are gone. It's just Jesse and Polaris with him at the moment.

Her voice is soft, hands reaching out for his. ]

Hi, Alan.

[ When will this end? I know we're both ready for it all to be over: the nightmare, the constantly saying goodbye... I don't want to go through another loop, but I don't have a choice. Will this really be the last time? ]

Hey, Jesse.

[ Instinctively, almost automatically, he reaches out with his hands so that both of theirs meet in the middle. He gives her hands a firm but somehow still gentle squeeze. ]

Are you okay? Stupid question, I know, but- How are you?

[ I still don't know how she hasn't decided she hates me for all of this. She has every right to hate me. ]

[ One last time through, one last goodbye.

Jesse knows that's how this is going to end. He'll have to leave to put an end to Scratch and to save Saga and Casey. The sacrifice the hero will have to make is the chance at a new life. Or, at least, the chance of it happening now. He'll have a freedom he has to give up because the calling is greater than both of them.

And she can't stand in the way of that choice.

« That doesn't make it easier. It still hurts. »

The worst part hast o be the fact that Alan has no idea of what will happen. He doesn't remember the last spiral, the last version of the story, or the story before that, or the version before that. The emotional memories have managed to echo through because they've forced it. Created a small loop hole in the story that will allow if certain things align to make the reality bend to incorporate something that doesn't belong. Alan won't remember that he already entered the Dark Place once before to save Saga and Casey.

It'll feel new to him. Where as Jesse feels the painful beat of steps being repeated in a slightly different cadence. ]

Tired.

[ « I can't tell him anything else. How much I hate it, how much it hurts. That Scratch isn't somewhere else, he's there inside Alan. I can't tell Saga it either. Everything has to parade at the pace it's already going. All we can do is prepare everyone and save who we can. »

Her head tilts enough so her eyes can cast over the parking lot. Power cubes from the Oldest House, charged with paranatural energy. She'll make sure they're topped off. It'll give them a bit more power and have the extra strength from Polaris boosting the light. She can only imagine that will piss of Scratch. Not that she cares much. Then, it's to Cauldron Lake, and then...

Not much time at all.

Jesse closes her eyes. Right. Pretending she doesn't know the state of things. ]

We found you passed out in the woods outside the Lodge. [ Her hands turn, fingers brushing against his in a request to slide between them. ] Agent Casey is still missing. Saga Anderson as well. We took in everything they had at the lodge including the notes of your interview with them and the manuscript pages they had. We're in the middle of preparing for... in case anything happens tonight.

[ A part of Alan rejects that. No more goodbyes. We've said too many already. But there has to be one more, doesn't there? Even if I don't want it... it can't be changed or avoided.

He doesn't know what Jesse knows, but somehow, instinctively, he can feel that pending parting looming over both of them. Why? Because they've had to part before. How many times? Too many, in his mind. Still, the story demands a sacrifice, and he has to be the one to make it.

It hurts more than he wants to admit, because he can see what is on the line and what he stands to lose in the process, but it's unavoidable. His fate is as unavoidable as the ending. He hopes that when it's over, he can find his way back to Jesse, but he's already considered how he might never see her again.

So when the time comes for them to say goodbye, he doesn't want it to just be goodbye. He wants it to be expressing thanks for what they've managed to find, even if their time together has been short and interrupted too often.

He can't know what Jesse knows, because his memories are scattered and more fragmented than he'd like them to be, but he still has this terrible sinking feeling that something neither of them want is hanging over them. Worry shows in his eyes as he watches her, and there's a tension in his jaw that only adds to the unsettled agitation that's trying to stir itself up inside him. He doesn't want to let it rise to the surface, but it's hard to hold it back. ]

Then... then take a minute and rest. I think you're going to need it. [ He can see the work that's being done to prepare, to get ready for a fight, and he knows that if Jesse isn't rested, it won't go well for any of them.

A shadow crosses his face briefly at the reminder of how they found him. He doesn't remember much of what happened, but he does remember the splitting pain in his head, and even now he can still feel the dull ache. As long as it stays a dull ache, it's fine. He can still think and talk and be present. If it gets much worse than that, though, that's bad news. Really bad news. ]

I think I tried to find Casey, to try and help, but I guess I didn't get that far. This mess is my fault, isn't it? [ It's my fault that danger is looming and my fault that Casey and Saga are missing. I know I've said it a thousand times, but I have to fix this.

His fingers move to let hers slide in between them, and then they curl against hers as if he's seeking her touch. ]

So what can I do to help? I don't know what I can do, or what I'm allowed to do, but I can't just sit here. [ But if Scratch comes, they'll all be in danger. I mean, more danger than they're already in. Maybe I shouldn't be involved. Maybe she should lock me up. ]

[ Eyes flick upwards at his comment of rest. She wishes she could. Rest with him beside her anyways. But, that's not how the story goes. They can't drag this out further in hopes of breaking and bending to their will. The beats have to escalate and get to where they're going. It's unavoidable. Irreversible.

She gently brushes her fingers between his. ]

No. Scratch wrote this story using you. You've done what you can to edit it. [ Jesse's tone is factual and yet assured at the same time. Confident. She knows Alan didn't write this manuscript. ] I'm sure we'll find Casey. He couldn't have gotten far.

[ A gentle tired sigh comes from her. ] We could fit you out for a fight. But, if we find you passed out again, we'll need to secure you. Estevez is calling the shots. We're here for back up.

[ He knows her answer as soon as he sees the way her eyes flick upwards. There's no time for her to rest, even if he insisted. Even if he made her stop with him for a minute, or five or ten. Maybe it won't matter whether she rested now or not. When the story's over and he's home, they can rest together all they want. Still, that's little consolation for him right now.

They have to go through more hell before they can get there, and that's the part he's wrestling with. ]

But have I done enough? [ He knows he could ask that question a million times, and he could go over everything he's done a million times on top of that, or at least the parts that he can remember, and he still wouldn't be satisfied. The confidence he hears in her voice is reassuring, and that's what he decides to hold onto. ] If you think that I've done enough, that's- that'll have to be enough for me too.

[ But then that fear and nervousness takes hold again, and to Alan, it feels as though he's just had a bucket of ice cold water dumped on him. ]

Maybe you should just lock me up until it's over. It's safer for everyone. Not by much, but it's something. You don't need me getting in the way or- or worse.

Is it the best thing to lock you up with no protection? Back a next to the brothers? [ Jesse questions the notion. She can't imagine it would end well if something ate through their defenses here. Then again, trying to make him do things outside the story is just dragging it out. Costing more lives. They can't keep doing that.

A low, tired, exacerbated sigh leaves her. A hint of sound of frustration and a pinch of loneliness escapes her. Maybe they can pretend for just a little bit. Just until the sun goes down. ] We should go somewhere once this is over. Just you and me--and Polaris too I guess. Somewhere not Bright Falls. A date... we could get some coffee and just sit and talk.

[ The idea sounds nice somehow. Inspired even. Not from her or a loop but somewhere else. Or... was it a loop? Jesse can't tell. She honestly doesn't care either way. She only cares about holding onto him and being held at the moment. Being with him while she can until the story rips him away from her one last time.

Eyes close. ] I know a nice place in New York City. It's a quieter one. Not really well known. A family run one.

I don't know; maybe it's not for me, but it is for you. For everyone else you have around here. Or maybe it just gets more people killed.

[ He wishes he could see clearly what it is he should be doing or suggesting, but he can't. He just wants it all to be over so that they can start having the life they want but still can't have. Still, there's no fast-forward button. They have to go through this, and there's no skipping past it. ]

Somewhere? [ His eyebrows raise slightly. ] I'd go anywhere if I knew you were there. Coffee and talking sounds great.

[ It sounds great and foreign at the same time. He can't remember the last time he could just sit and talk with another person. No danger, no threats hanging over any of them... maybe one day they'll have that. ]

That sounds nice. I'd like to go there. We'll go there someday, and I'm buying. I've built up a pretty big debt, so I better start paying it off as soon as possible.

OCEANVIEW III

🔦— return.

— return 6: scratch.

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— return 7: summoning.

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