synthneon | oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

No one else should be like me.

[ The idea of someone else being merged or completed or whatever the right term is with a alien resonance isn't necessarily a good thing. It works for her as Jesse Faden. Not everyone else should aim to be what she has become. Only a particular type of person becomes the Director. Not that she's sure people should even aim to be like her. ]

So, we're blinding?

[ Her hands squeeze his at his next sentence. Tightly. ] You better stay at home when you finally make your way out of the dark. Otherwise? I'm dragging you back by your flannel shirt.

[ Knowing she's going to look at him and think he's the biggest moron in the world, he plows right on ahead anyway. ]

Yeah, because you're unique. No one else can be like you.

[ He knows that's not what she's talking about, and he knows what she means when she said those words. Of course she doesn't want anyone else being exactly like her, complete with an alien resonance in her head. It's not something that normally happens, and who knows how people would handle it if it was? Alan's accepted it, because it's just who Jesse is. It doesn't scare him or confuse him; Jesse and Polaris combined are the strongest allies he has, and he wouldn't have them change for anything in the world. ]

Blinding, that's it. Exactly. I don't want to see anyone else when you're around. It's like looking into the sun, only it's helpful, not dangerous. For me, anyway.

[ His hands curl around hers in return as his shoulders slightly fall. He wants to come home from the darkness so that he can be with her, so that nothing keeps them from each other anymore. He wants it so much that he can almost envision it, but picturing it won't make it happen. It'll sustain him until he gets there; that's what he keeps telling himself. ]

Even if the Dark Presence itself tries to pull me back in? [ It's something he's just begun to realize he's afraid of. What if he escapes, only to be dragged back in? Can Jesse really pull him out of the darkness's clutches again? ]

[ A blush sweeps across her face. Being compared to the sun? She supposes it makes sense. He referred to her red hair as firey once, and Polaris is always a bright geometric pattern. Combining the two would mean the sun. Even with the knowledge in mind, being compared to the sun seems so monumental in her head. Something that someone would focus on and only on her.

She holds his hands tighter as if to hide her embarrassment. ]

I pulled you out of that room once. I'll do it again if I have to.

[ « I'll force my way in. Find the key that opens it. Make him open it on his end. I won't let him be trapped there forever. » ]

[ Alan finds himself shaking his head then; the Dark Place is dangerous. It feels like it's eating his mind, his thoughts... what makes him him. What would happen if it got Jesse too? ]

What if this time, it goes wrong? You can't get too close to it, Jesse. It's obviously not good for me, but- it's dangerous. Really dangerous.

[ He loves her too much to let her get even a little close to the Dark Presence. Hasn't she gotten too close already? More than once, probably, and he's forgotten about all the times it's happened. ]

I love you, and because of that- [ He shakes his head again even as he squeezes her hands tighter. ]

[ She lets out a low sigh. ] There's a room in the Motel to the Dark Place. I've seen the door. I've seen you behind the door--with Zane. All I need is the key in. I'll find the key and pull you back from it if I have to.

[ Jesse won't bother circling around the argument about her job is unsafe to begin with. Everything about being the Director is dangerous. He wants her to stay out of danger, particularly with the Dark Place, but she can't promise that it won't happen. In fact? She refuses to promise it. The idea is unrealistic.

« And we can't just leave him behind the door forever. » ]

Because of that you're going to lock yourself away? That won't happen that way. You don't get to continually punish yourself.

A room... The Motel. Tom Zane. [ Alan repeats the words in the usual halfway hoarse voice he uses when he's narrating. Each word means something, and of course he knows what Jesse's talking about. He's just trying to put his scattered thoughts in as much order as he can, which is quite the feat as they don't seem to want to stay in order. ]

I don't know if there is a key for that door. If there is one, I have no idea how you're going to find it. And- and trying to break in, or even prop the door open won't work. It'll just close every time.

[ Alan doesn't want to argue that either, because he knows that what Jesse does is dangerous. Safety isn't guaranteed. It's not guaranteed that she or anyone else will come back alive. But letting her go at the Dark Presence isn't going to keep her safe either; in fact, it'll do the exact opposite. How can he knowingly let her run at the most dangerous entity that he knows? ]

Yeah... yeah, that's what I want to do. I figured it out; I can end the story if I write it exactly right. And you know what I've done, what I've done to people. If I'm the only one that it's focusing on, then you and everyone else can- you'll be okay. Safe. That's what matters. I'll keep it busy, and that way, no one else gets hurt.

Edited 2025-01-27 17:03 (UTC)

There is a key to every door. It's a Motel. [ Jesse shakes her head. ] It's just finding the key.

[ « Maybe even having the permission to use the key? Whatever it is, I'll figure it out. WE will. »

She knows the memories between loops fade. That doesn't change the fact she knows she forced that door open once. She knows he was in the Motel with her once, maybe even more times than that. There will be a way for it to work again. They just need to figure it out.

The street lights flicker on.

Jesse shuts her eyes and squeezes his hands tightly. Soon, he's going to have to go back to the cell. Then whatever happens has to happen. ]

You know that isn't going to fix it, Alan. It just gives the Dark Presence another chance to get at YOU.

This door isn't an ordinary door. If it doesn't want you getting in, you won't get in.

[ And I won't get out.

He dimly remembers her forcing the door open, just as he dimly remembers doing what he could on his end to try and shove the door open so that he could get out. It was hard and difficult, and he remembers she got hurt in the process, and when he thinks about that, it makes him want to refuse to try again. He can't stand hurting her or causing her harm, and all he can see is that trying to break her way in would only cause her more harm.

His gaze shifts to look at the street lights that have just turned on. Their time is short and most likely coming to an end. He has to steel himself for whatever's coming, good or bad. And knowing the story, it's going to be bad. Hopefully it's only bad for him; hopefully he wrote something that would keep Jesse and her people safe.

It's the only thing he can do: writing and praying that the darkness doesn't slither into the story and change what he's written. ]

So what if it gets at me? If I can keep it focused on me, if I can just get us both back in the Dark Place- maybe this time, it won't get out again. If we're stuck on the other side, that means the rest of you are safe, doesn't it?

[ He can't quite stop his voice from shaking once, betraying how afraid he actually is. But afraid or not, he can't let anyone else be hurt or killed or worse. This has to end, and this is the only way he can see to make it end. ]

What other choice do we have?

The doors in the Motel will open if we have the key. We didn't before. [ Jesse's tone suggests she won't accept any other answer than this. ] I'll find a way to get it.

[ She doesn't know how or when. But, she'll find a way to make that door open. She'll find a way to get inside the Writer's Room again and pull him home. They can't be "starcrossed lovers" forever.

« I won't let us bet hat way. » ]

If it gets you? It gets out. It takes control. It will make you write what it wants on that typewriter and then an AWE will happen and it will win. You know what it means if it gets you, Alan. Stop trying to sacrifice yourself thinking it's going to make up for this horror story.

It'll just make an even worse one if you do.

[ A shake of her head. ] We're never fully safe. You know that.

"If" we have the key. Knowing this place, the key exists, but we'll have to chase it around to find it. If we can even find it. [ He tilts his head to one side thinking for a second. ] Wasn't there something about a cord and a light? It can't be that easy.

[ Nothing about this story is easy. Even his attempts to write things to make it easier failed. Alan wishes he had half of Jesse's confidence. ]

But if you're determined to get it, you know I'll help. I have to.

[ His expression darkens and his jaw tenses as she goes on talking about what will happen if the darkness gets him. ]

I know what the risks are. I've known what they are this entire time. I just think that I could write something that's to the point, no loose ends. It can't get out. It'll just be me and the Dark Presence. It's a risk, but everything's a risk, and don't tell me I haven't thought this through. [ He has, a million times over. ]

Maybe a sacrifice is the key here. The real key.

[ He looks to try and meet her eyes before looking back down at the bed at the last second. ]

Maybe I can do something that makes everyone fully safe.

Edited 2025-02-17 09:33 (UTC)

I will find it.

[ Maybe Alan can find the key to get to the Motel. There's some ritual he will have to do or to make up. That's how those things work. But, the Motel works on dream logic, so it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out.

« If the Motel co-operates is something else. » ]

Sacrificing what? YOURSELF? That defeats the point. The whole point! [ Jesse pulls back and stares up at him. A hard stare. ] You can't be free if you off yourself off with the Dark Presence, Alan! You can't be here with me if...

[ The back door to the parking lot opens. Polaris shifts--it's Steve. They've run out of time. The story pulls again.

Jesse looks down and frowns. Her eyes narrow. She can't do anything. The story has to go as it was written and designed to be. Alan and Saga are the ones to work out how it ends. Not her. ]

[ He opens his mouth to say something more about finding the key, but then Jesse's words slam against him in what feels like an angry flood, and he feels himself flinch with each word. Of course she's right and of course he's being an idiot, but the thing is, he can't bear to see anyone else get hurt by the story. It's dark and evil and a lot of that is because of him; he's just as responsible for it as Scratch is. Because he's responsible for it, he has to do something about it.

But he knows that if he makes himself the sacrifice, then the life they want to have together won't ever happen.

Still, he can't pretend that throwing himself on the sword feels like the right thing to do... but the right thing for who? Him? Definitely not for Jesse. That feeling of being conflicted takes root again just in time for the door to open and Steve to start making his way towards them.

They're out of time, and soon enough, the story will sweep them apart. Before that happens, Alan reaches out for Jesse. He reaches for her hand, or for any part of her that he can reach, whether her arm or her elbow. ]

Jesse. [ This could be their last chance to talk to each other for a long time, and he doesn't want their last words to each other to be a fight. ]

[ He squeezes the hands he's been holding. It takes an additional moment for her to raise her eyes to him. There are so many emotions in her gaze it's hard to pin down which one she feels the most. Frustration, anger, longing, resigned, the want to punch something and make it work how she wants it.

« But that's not how the story goes. »

She doesn't ask something so pointless as to if he realizes why she's upset. He won't know because she won't tell him about what Alice had said. She doesn't want to drive a wedge between them or have his memory of his late wife tainted. Alan needs something good, and she won't take that away from him. Ever. ]

What?

[ He looks into her eyes, trying to decipher the storm of emotions he's seeing there, but so many of them are overlapping that he finds himself trying to focus on each one and identify what he's seeing. Maybe at the end of it all, it's frustration and anger, maybe even hating him for the situation they're tangled up in: a situation that still feels like it's entirely his fault.

He can't begin to guess at what might be the root of her upset, as she hasn't told him about Alice, but he wonders if whatever this is, if it'll be the straw that breaks the camel's back of their relationship. Brushing his fingers against the surface of her hand, he replies: ]

There's something bothering you, isn't there?

[ Maybe a small part of him doesn't want to know what it is, but another part of him would rather hear it and have it addressed before the story starts digging in and pulling them apart again. ]

All of this. Every single bit of it.

[ But that's not how the story goes.

She won't tell him about Alice. He doesn't need to see his deceased wife in a bad light. Alan deserves to have peace with the situation--not deal with her upset about being unable to do anything about the story. She was pulled into the story. Their romance wasn't supposed to happen.

« Is it a romance? » ]

You and Saga are the ones to solve it. We've been over it. We don't have the time to revisit what we just did. We need to stop looping.

Edited 2025-03-20 09:01 (UTC)

[ For some reason, her words land like a ton of bricks. Of course he knows that this entire experience has been terrible. It's been difficult, it's been unfair. In more ways than one, it's been the worst possible thing for all of them, and Alan hates himself for it.

Why did I have to drag all these people into this? I thought that I could use them and their stories to help, but look at what that's brought everyone.

Jesse doesn't even have to tell him about Alice; he doesn't see her in a bad light, but it's easy for him to imagine that Alice might have seen him in one. Nearly everyone else does, so why shouldn't Alice too?

Maybe Jesse's starting to see him in a bad light now as well. ]

Then stop looping. [ The words slip out before he can stop them. ] I don't want you to go, but maybe- It's like you said: Saga and I have to solve this because that's how the story goes. Of course I want you here, but you don't have to stay, not if you want to leave. If you stay, you and your people will keep being in danger, and I don't want that.

[ I hope she can understand that I'm not sending her away or saying I don't want her here. It just might be better for her to leave, and come back when this is over. ]

You get what I'm saying, right? You've helped me, you really have, but maybe... [ He trails off again, finding he can't finish his own sentence. ]

[ Eyebrows raise ever so slightly at the comment.

« Really? He's the one caught in a loop. Maybe he meant it more for himself. » ]

None of us can leave the story, Alan. Not until you two end it. [ She slides off the table simply because their time has run out. The story has come knocking and they have to play to it's tune. Until they get to the point Alan has the freedom he needs to finish this thing. ] So, we get you to where you need to go to get this over with. Put a stop to Scratch, the Dark Presence, all of it.

[ « Then, we go from there. Even though I have the feeling "there" isn't where I want this to go. Thanks for sticking with me... through out all this. »

Polaris shifts. ]

"What are we doing, Faden?"

[ Jesse looks back to Alan once Steve speaks. ] Am I putting you back in the cell?

[ This was not Scratch. This was me, caught in a loop. I hate these damn loops. Is this how it's going to be, just one loop after another for the rest of my life? No, damn it, it can't be. It won't be, I won't let it.

Damn it, I just want to go home.

He scrubs his face a little more vigorously than is necessary, but he really just hates everything about this. He hates that he's trapped, but more than that, he hates that he's trapped all of them in this mess too. Everything is his fault, and until he can fix it, he might as well be the villain in this story. ]

Can we end it? I don't even know anymore. Maybe that's it; maybe Saga gets us to wherever we're supposed to be, and then... she ends it. Somehow. I can't even see how the ending is supposed to go.

[ Maybe he's not supposed to. Maybe the ending isn't one he decides. He made Saga the hero, didn't he? He can't remember doing it, but it seems to be what the story demands, so he must have. Why didn't I make Jesse the hero? What if the ending is fixed by Saga and Jesse and I'm just there to make sure it ends? ]

Yeah, I guess so. Scratch is going to come back, and he'll probably try to screw around with all of you again, so I'm better off being in the cell.

[ Unless something else happens, something none of us expect. But I can't see what's coming, so the cell's our best bet, right? ]

Yes. [ Jesse's voice is pointed and direct. ] You will.

[ She doesn't let herself think what she would--she already has. Alan keeps spiraling and she can't let herself be taken down into it any longer. She has to stand on the top, hand out, pulling him up until he can pull himself out. Just a helping hand, not a hero.

Steve joins them with a small frown and a knowing look. Jesse's eyes narrow--but they can talk about it later. Reports. The old Ranger pulls out a pair of familiar handcuffs and holds them up towards Alan. ]

"Sorry, Wake."

We'll be ready for Scratch, Alan.

[ « As much as the story will let us be anyways. » ]

[ This is how the story demands things go, and Alan had thought he was both prepared for it and resigned to it, but when Steve joins them, looking serious and pulling out a pair of handcuffs, Alan feels his resolve slip a little.

He's not afraid for himself, exactly, but rather, he's afraid of what will happen to them when Scratch appears and starts turning everything into chaos. What if they get hurt or worse because of him? They might say that what Scratch does is not Alan's fault, but he still finds that hard to believe. ]

It's fine. It's what needs to happen to delay Scratch a little longer. [ Alan knows it won't do very much at all, because something like handcuffs isn't enough to stop him, but he'd rather have the handcuffs than nothing. ]

Yeah. [ He knows that Jesse and Steve will make sure they're as ready as they can be, but he still worries that it won't be enough. ] I'm sorry about all this. [ He knows his apologies don't mean very much, but he can't just walk into the cell without saying them. ]

[ Steve sends a glance to Jesse before finishing securing the handcuffs around Alan's wrists. A path to the arm. He then slides between the two and escorts Alan back into the Bright Falls sherrif station. Jesse follows them with her eyes until the door closes. The sound echoes in her mind. Her gaze falls.

The next time she sees Alan? It won't be Alan. Then, she'd truly see him again at the end of the road--metaphorically. Her hands tremble at the idea of powerlessness.

« It wasn't like WE were supposed to be the heroes. We weren't supposed to bring Alan home. He just brought us here and then ... the story changed. I hate all of it. »

Night finally settles. The street lamps shine in the thickness that has covered Bright Falls. Jesse moves from each power block, making sure they are not only charged with paranatural energy, but cleansing them as well. A touch of Polaris just to help the light in anyway. She's already cleansed the control points of the sheriff's building. ]

oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

OCEANVIEW III

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