outlierdirector: ▮ <lj user="outlierdirector">. (dark (4)▸such haunting melodies.)
ᴊᴇssᴇ ғᴀᴅᴇɴ | ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦʳᵉᶜᵗᵒʳ. ([personal profile] outlierdirector) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2023-12-08 03:31 pm

oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

OCEANVIEW III

and now i'm wide awake.
Oh, I died like a million times.
Through the waves, I break
The nightmares finally over
CODE BY TESSISAMESS
crazyisinevitable: (011)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2025-03-22 08:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ For some reason, her words land like a ton of bricks. Of course he knows that this entire experience has been terrible. It's been difficult, it's been unfair. In more ways than one, it's been the worst possible thing for all of them, and Alan hates himself for it.

Why did I have to drag all these people into this? I thought that I could use them and their stories to help, but look at what that's brought everyone.

Jesse doesn't even have to tell him about Alice; he doesn't see her in a bad light, but it's easy for him to imagine that Alice might have seen him in one. Nearly everyone else does, so why shouldn't Alice too?

Maybe Jesse's starting to see him in a bad light now as well. ]


Then stop looping. [ The words slip out before he can stop them. ] I don't want you to go, but maybe- It's like you said: Saga and I have to solve this because that's how the story goes. Of course I want you here, but you don't have to stay, not if you want to leave. If you stay, you and your people will keep being in danger, and I don't want that.

[ I hope she can understand that I'm not sending her away or saying I don't want her here. It just might be better for her to leave, and come back when this is over. ]

You get what I'm saying, right? You've helped me, you really have, but maybe... [ He trails off again, finding he can't finish his own sentence. ]
crazyisinevitable: (0165)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2025-03-26 07:03 am (UTC)(link)
[ This was not Scratch. This was me, caught in a loop. I hate these damn loops. Is this how it's going to be, just one loop after another for the rest of my life? No, damn it, it can't be. It won't be, I won't let it.

Damn it, I just want to go home.


He scrubs his face a little more vigorously than is necessary, but he really just hates everything about this. He hates that he's trapped, but more than that, he hates that he's trapped all of them in this mess too. Everything is his fault, and until he can fix it, he might as well be the villain in this story. ]


Can we end it? I don't even know anymore. Maybe that's it; maybe Saga gets us to wherever we're supposed to be, and then... she ends it. Somehow. I can't even see how the ending is supposed to go.

[ Maybe he's not supposed to. Maybe the ending isn't one he decides. He made Saga the hero, didn't he? He can't remember doing it, but it seems to be what the story demands, so he must have. Why didn't I make Jesse the hero? What if the ending is fixed by Saga and Jesse and I'm just there to make sure it ends? ]

Yeah, I guess so. Scratch is going to come back, and he'll probably try to screw around with all of you again, so I'm better off being in the cell.

[ Unless something else happens, something none of us expect. But I can't see what's coming, so the cell's our best bet, right? ]
crazyisinevitable: (0120)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2025-04-05 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[ This is how the story demands things go, and Alan had thought he was both prepared for it and resigned to it, but when Steve joins them, looking serious and pulling out a pair of handcuffs, Alan feels his resolve slip a little.

He's not afraid for himself, exactly, but rather, he's afraid of what will happen to them when Scratch appears and starts turning everything into chaos. What if they get hurt or worse because of him? They might say that what Scratch does is not Alan's fault, but he still finds that hard to believe. ]


It's fine. It's what needs to happen to delay Scratch a little longer. [ Alan knows it won't do very much at all, because something like handcuffs isn't enough to stop him, but he'd rather have the handcuffs than nothing. ]

Yeah. [ He knows that Jesse and Steve will make sure they're as ready as they can be, but he still worries that it won't be enough. ] I'm sorry about all this. [ He knows his apologies don't mean very much, but he can't just walk into the cell without saying them. ]