synthneon | oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

oceanview || ❝ made a promise i'm coming out alive. ❞

OCEANVIEW III

and now i'm wide awake.

Oh, I died like a million times.
Through the waves, I break
The nightmares finally over CODE BY TESSISAMESS

[ Once more, Jesse falls silent as his tirade continues. Everything about the last twenty-four hours pouring out of him like a steady stream. Words that would hurt if she already knew they weren't directed at her. Words about frustration, desperation for someone to understand, about the truth of the situation. The truth no one seems to believe.

« We really are alike. Aren't we? That must be the real reason--deep down--that we fell in love. Regardless if the weird and insane was real, someone else believed us. They took the time to listen and not just entertain the thoughts and ideas. Or, maybe I'm projecting. That might just be why I fell in love with him. »

Green eyes lock onto gray eyes. Searching for an answer to an unspoken question: Do I wake those memories up, or are they left better forgotten to end the story?

She's already demanded something of him once. Made him change the story for the one thing she wanted. They got this far before because of it... but there's so much guilt wrapped up in the demand. His handwriting had been enough to tell her how hard her demand was to request. She doesn't want to put him through it again. Not when everyone else must be screaming and yelling at him to fix it.

She keeps her hand over his on the gun. ]

It's 2023. It's been thirteen years. You contacted me four years ago to deal with Hartman. [ Her head cants to the side. ] Time is different between here and the Dark Place, isn't it? It could feel like eternity there, but only be a handful of years for us in our reality--the one you come from.

[ She reaches into the inside pocket of the tactical vest. Out comes a neatly folded manuscript page, torn in one corner. She holds it up between her index and middle finger. If he tries to reach for it she pulls it back from his hand. ]

I'm not trying to tell you to change something in the story, Alan. I'm not making a demand. [ « I won't do it. Not again. I'll force the story to change--not for him to change it. » ] Read it if you want to. If not, I'll keep it on me, and we'll go back to answering your questions. Well, more like your frustrated rambling, but we can go back to that.

Either way, just give it back.

[ Jesse then extends her hand the short way needed for him to take the manuscript. Once he does, she let's go of his hand as well. Both then return to their position curling around the edge of the desk. Her gaze remains on his for a moment more before dropping and looking away to give him privacy. Well, whatever of it can count in a office space that's not really hers.

The manuscript page is like several others. Half written by typewriter, the other half blacked out by furious pen marks. A hole even resides in it, pierced by a ball pooint pen. An arrow points to the blocked out section, and eyes following it would see the handwritten edits.

The Bright Falls Sheriff Station had been confiscated by the Federal Bureau of Control. A shared working space now, but local law enforcement didn't seem to mind. They finally had help from someone to deal with the dark things that crawled out of Cauldron Lake. Even if the locals were upset by the fenced off campgrounds. Better to minimalize damage to what they could control.

Faden was there with her right hand ranger. Sevastopol. They had been through a lot together in the lockdown at HQ. Countless waves of the hissing enemy that took over Sevastopol's coworkers. Team members. Extended family. Faden had earned his loyalty so much that when the Shadow appeared in the Investigations Sector, he immediately jumped into action. Now, he was here in Bright Falls, ready to leap in again to a new horror created by the Shadow.

-->> FADEN AND WAKE KNEW EACH OTHER. WORKED WITH ONE ANOTHER BEFORE. THAT TIME HAD BEEN MORE CONTRIVED. A MESSAGE SENT ON A LINE ONLY FOR THE DIRECTOR OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF CONTROL. THIS WAS IN PERSON. SIDE BY SIDE. PERSONAL. LIKE TWO SIMILAR PIECES CLICKING TOGETHER THAT TURNED THE COGWHEELS TO MAKE CHANGES HAPPEN.

FADEN AND WAKE HAD A UNIQUE UNDERSTANDING THAT ONLY THEY KNEW THE DEPTHS OF. A MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING. ONE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CUT THROUGH EVEN THE DARKEST WATERS.

THE BRIGHT FALLS SHERIFF'S STATION BECAME A BEACON OF LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DARK TOWN. FADEN'S GUIDING STAR MADE SURE OF IT.

Edited 2023-12-10 23:23 (UTC)

[ That nudge continues to grow, to incessantly poke at Alan as if trying to get his attention. To get him to focus. He's trying to focus. To be present. But darkness keeps falling like a veil over his eyes, trying to pull him back down, to lure him back to sleep. ]

I won't let you. You can't.

[ He mumbles those words to himself as he tries desperately to ignore the darkness pulling on him and focus on that nudging sensation instead. The internal battle shows itself as a troubled look in his eyes, but he's fighting. He's trying to stay awake. ]

Thirteen years. I had no idea. [ He looks around the room then, eyes searching it, taking in what furnishings there are. ] It doesn't look that different. I thought, after thirteen years, things would have changed. Technology. I was never good with technology.

But time... time. You know, I don't think it exists there. Calendars, clocks, now that I'm thinking about it, I've never even seen one.

[ His expression shifts yet again, his mouth forming a thin line. ]

Why not? Everyone else wants me to do something. Fix the story. Change this. Add that in. I know it's my fault.

[ Alan frantically scrubs his face with the hand not holding the gun. ]

I'm sorry, you didn't- It's not you. It's- everything. [ He forces himself to take a breath then, in hopes of settling himself back down so he can read whatever it is she's holding up for him. ]

Did I write this, or the Dark Presence? I don't know why anyone would keep a page written by that, but... stranger things have happened. I'll give it back.

[ I have too many of these things anyway. If she wants to keep this one, she can have it.

He takes the page and starts to read, and he only gets through a few words before his breath hitches. ]

I know this page. I- [ His eyes are traveling all over the page now, taking in the blacked out words, the hole in the page, the arrow that he knows he drew there. The edits that he made.

The memory of it is coming back to him somehow. Inexplicably. ]

I wrote this. I changed this. Why? "I'm not making a demand". [ His eyes travel back to focus on Jesse. ] You asked me to change this, so I did. Isn't that right?

[ His tone is neutral. Not flat. Not accusatory. Just trying to make sense of this, when his memory has holes in it and he doesn't know the things other people seem to. ]

I had a feeling that I was missing something, but I didn't know what. I didn't want to say anything, because that sounds crazy, right? As far as I should be concerned, this is our first time meeting, but it isn't, is it? This says it isn't.

[ He's still reading it, but he's read through the parts talking about Jesse and Steve, which gives him back the insights he's lost about the director and the ranger. An image flares to life in Alan's mind: Steve and Jesse together, and she's telling him something. Not giving orders, because a second later, the ranger throws back his head and laughs. He nudges Jesse in the side with his elbow and grins toothily at her.

Then he continues reading, reaching the part that's about them. Again, images flare to life.

He's in the writer's room. Alone. It's silent there, the eyes of the owl on the wall trained on him. He's ignoring it. He steps closer to the chalkboard and picks up the chalk. He begins to write. Not write. Scribble. Furiously. Quickly. Pieces of chalk fly around him. The chalk snaps in half and he grabs another one. By the time he's done, a name is scribbled all over the board, wherever there's an empty space.

The scene shifts again, and this time, he sees himself standing at the desk. His eyes are wild, and the hand that's holding a pen shakes. His entire frame is shaking. His lips are moving but no sound comes from them. Then, he starts to move, slowly at first but increasing in speed. The pen scribbles furiously against the page. He starts to write. Ink flecks fly into the air and land on his face with the speed of his writing. Finally, when it seems that he's finished, the pen falls from his hand, and he falls back into the chair.

Alan in the sheriff's office lowers the page, and his gaze zeroes back in on Jesse's. ]

I gave you this so that I could remember, if I forgot. If I forgot about us. About you.

[ I must have known that something would make me forget. Maybe I made myself forget, to get the story right. But how does that work if the page helps me remember? Does that then change the story? Did I write her giving me the page to read? It just keeps looping and I don't know the answer... ]

Well, all I can say is, it looks like we have to do what the page says, and that's work together. If a fight is coming, I'm coming too.

[ And for just a second, that look of determination is back in Alan's eyes. ]

[ Jesse remains silent as Alan continues to speak. Time, technology. Thirteen years. He'd see how it all changed once they left the station. Cars may still be the same as why change what is reliable, but Bright Falls has begun to change. Construction where the park used to be. Closed shops. Less residents but more visitors for Deerfest. People are older--well. The people he may remember from his last time in Bright Falls.

Nothing is said to his apology or the question of who wrote the page. He'll have an answer to it soon enough. Her gaze drops to the floor in front of her. Something in her doesn't want to see his face as he reads the page he gave her. The guilt of demanding he edit the story. The shame that she even pulled it out to force the story to change to her whims. She can remember him saying he thought it was worth the struggle as he had always wanted them back in the story. After Scratch got her the first time. That somehow still doesn't erase the guilt she feels. Especially as she hears how everyone regards him about being the "author" of the story.

He didn't even write it.

You asked me to change this, so I did. Isn't that right?

« It was a demand... or a plea. Something that caused him pain when I asked. Something that caused him more stress and agony than he needed. I... I don't regret that I wanted us back. Just, how I did it. It was emotional and pressing, but, I know the toll it took on him. Even if no one else knows or cares. I do. »

Her head tilts to the side slightly even with her eyes trained down. ]

Good. [ A flat tone, guarded, maybe a hint of fear. That he read it and still doesn't remember them. Her hands curl slightly more into the desk and she feels her fingers beginning to leave dents in the wood. Reminiscent of another loop. ] We took control of the station already. I mean. Polaris and I. The only weak spot is the morgue, again, because of the lack of light. Steve and Estevez are working on it. Casey is still MIA... and I don't know where Saga is. Though, I'm guessing she'll show up sooner rather than later.

[ She blinks a few times. Mentally trying to get herself up and going from the room. He at least trusts the page, so that's good enough for now. More than she can ask for. ]

[ Good, she says, and Alan instantly says to himself: that's it? But he's not stupid. He can read people most of the time, and Jesse's posture and tone is speaking volumes. She's afraid, hesitant. Reluctant to look at him.

Why?

The memories are slowly working their way back in, thanks to the page he's read, but there's still some missing information.

Is she afraid of me? Did she decide, after everything, to keep me at arms' length for some reason? I don't understand why that would be, or why she'd show me the page if that isn't how she feels. No, that can't be it. There's something else. What am I not seeing?

He nods along, listening to her explanation of what they've done so far, and he understands most of it. The mention of Polaris gives him pause. The page said something about her guiding star, but the memory of what exactly that is seems to have not quite reached him just yet. Maybe it will with time.

He has a suggestion for what to do with the morgue, but they've most likely thought of it already, so instead, he goes for the other thing he wants to say. The other thing that, in all honesty, feels more important, at least right now. ]

Jesse...? [ His tone is suddenly hesitant, and he feels his gaze shifting to look at the ground. He feels hesitant, but he knows he has to do this now, before he loses his nerve and talks himself out of it. In a way, it feels like he has no right to do anything, and he wouldn't dare, if it wasn't for that page.

He takes an equally hesitant step closer, but then he stops there before he can go any further. ]

Edited 2023-12-11 04:31 (UTC)

[ Alan has certain ways of saying her name. Ways that tells her his mindset at the moment--the level of memories he has. The Director is a stranger, Faden is someone more familiar. Jesse is informal and close, but Jesse remains a particular tone. A special tone. One only used when he's awake on some level. When memories come back and he knows they are something.

Her eyes lift. After another moment they raise to his, locking onto his gaze immediately. She is scared. Not of him, but that it didn't work. Scared that her hail mary failed and at best will be fragmented memories. Memories that mismatch and make no sense so they are brushed to the side.

Her knuckles turn white as she presses further into the lip of the desk. The wood cracks slightly.

« I just want him home. With me. With the life we've talked about. » ]

Alan. [ Her voice is small and soft. He'll know the tone--won't he? ]

[ The strange thing about all of this (except maybe it's not strange to her at all) is that Alan barely knows what his own mindset is. He's scattered, but not to the level that he's been before. But the important thing is that he's trying to pull himself out of his scattered mess of his own mind so he can be there with her. Why? He barely knows. But something is still nudging him to push past the haze in his mind and just be there with her and for her.

His gaze shifts again, moving away from where it was looking at the ground so that he can see her. He steps closer again. A feeling of wanting to lean in, pressing his forehead against hers, and then pressing his lips onto hers surfaces. Should I? I want to. Does she want to? ]

Jesse. [ He's close enough now, so he actually does press his forehead to hers. The kissing... he's still hesitating about that. But he wants to. And as he looks at her, all the hurt, all the confusion, all the desperation of the last twenty-four hours just melts away. The effects of it all linger in his eyes, but over all of it, there's just a look of wanting to be with her again. ] You're here.

[ He does know that tone. He hopes she recognizes his own. ]

Edited 2023-12-11 18:38 (UTC)

[ His tone is what strikes her more than their foreheads touching. The motion they do consistently, but the tone is what tells her that he's awake. Details are fuzzy, like a dream, but what she and Polaris did before this loop must have carried over.

Alan must have stayed awake.

Taking her hands from the desk feels almost like she's wrenching them off. They turn and she raises them, resting both on his elbows. There is a slightly tremor in her hands. The more noticable detail, however, is the familiar energy that seems to just fall from her hands. Like a steady humming stream.

Polaris is there too--of course she is. Beating into the floor of the station and through the parking lot outside. A beacon of amplified light in the darkening town.

Her eyes close as she presses her forehead against his further. Plenty of words come to mind. Thoughts she won't voice as they're repetitive and unneeded. ]

Of course I'm here. You called us, so here we are. [ Jesse pauses to give a sharp inhale. Controlling her emotions. ] You're not going to fight the Dark Presence alone anymore.

[ He's waking up, or he's stayed awake, but he wants more. He needs more. He doesn't have all the pieces. They're hidden behind a wall or a door, and he can't get through either just yet.

What am I missing? I know I'm missing something. Maybe it'll come back eventually. But do I even have time for "eventually"?

His gaze travels to where her hands have come to a stop against his elbows. He thinks he's always liked it when she touches him, but now... it feels different. He likes it, and he wants more of it. Contact with another living person. It doesn't matter what kind of contact. It could just be a supportive, helpful touch, something to reinforce the idea that he's not alone.

There's something else too, something besides Jesse's touch, but Alan's having difficulty focusing on it. Maybe he knew what it was once, but something's obscuring it from him. He can faintly sense it, but that's it. It's there, but faint. ]

I.. I called you. I think I remember. Vaguely. Everything's vague, like it's hidden from me. Or hiding. I don't know where to look to uncover it. Maybe there's more answers in that page. Or do you have the answers somehow?

[ You're not going to fight the Dark Presence alone anymore.

She says those words, and Alan's shoulders seem to drop. Not because of anything bad, but because just those words on their own are words he never expected to hear from anyone. ]

It's been... it's been such a long time. I've been trying to fight it for so long. I never let anyone in, let anyone help. [ But she tried, didn't she? It's implied in that page. Or maybe I just think it is. ]

I... [ He's not nearly as good at controlling his emotions as she seems to be. His voice wavers, and a sheen of moisture covers his eyes. ] I don't want to do that anymore.

[ I need help. Is this the first time I've realized it? Admitted it? Even to myself? ]

You sent the message over the Hotline before. Messages on how to stop Hartman. [ She pauses before her fingers curl in the sleeves of the flannel shirt. The one covered in mud and blood. ] Not those messages. You sent another one to us. When you were trapped in the room you wrote stories in.

[ A beat passes.

Polaris beats louder, trying to resonate with that spark inside him. She tugs at Jesse's mind with words and phrases. ]

The Champion of Light--the Torchbearer. Writer. Novelist. [ She finally opens her eyes to search his. ] You're all those things. But, to me, you're just Alan Wake.

[ « My Alan. »

She swallows and decides to move. Nothing is going to happen by simply going back and forth. Talking in circles. ]

The page was left vague on purpose. Maybe I have the answers and don't know it.

[ Another beat passes.

Then, Jesse leans forward to gently press her lips to his. A brief kiss. One almost like air than her lips. Just in case he isn't ready. ]

[ Alan's brow furrows as his mouth turns down into a frown, the internal struggle to remember but wondering if he's not meant to remember playing itself out on his face. If I remember, that could cause something to go wrong. But... this feeling is terrible. Awful. I'm losing parts of myself, but do I have to lose the memories that should mean the most to me too? This feeling just makes me want to fight to remember. I have to fight it.

It's a feeling of missing something, missing something very important. It makes Alan feel as though he's lost whatever that something is. ]

A message to you, and... and the guiding star? I should know what that is; maybe I do somewhere in here, but it's obscured. Covered up. I called you because- because I was trapped.

[ Trapped. Desperate. Going mad. Drowning.

The spark is muted again, but something inside Alan is reaching out for it, instinctively. Automatically. ]

Sometimes I think I don't even know who that is anymore. But as long as someone does, I guess...

[ If someone knows who he is, then he can't be forgotten about. Right? He opens his mouth to say more, but then she's kissing him. Well, brushing her lips against his, and then several things seem to happen all at once.

More weight seems to fall from Alan's shoulders, shifting his posture, and he leans forward just a fraction too. The kiss was brief, but he doesn't want just a brush of air on his lips. He leans in more, and imitates the gesture, but he lingers just a fraction longer this time. ]

Edited 2023-12-12 20:53 (UTC)

[ « Is it the story making him forget? Fighting him? It'd make sense. It was a struggle for him to put us back in... and the story punished him for it. If WE do it though, then WE pay the price. He can finish the story how he needs to. We'll do what we can to help--if you're still on board. »

Still, Jesse nods to his description of the recipients of the message. Her hands gently press against his elbows a tad more to try and spread that feeling of Polaris. She'll take the confusion over the constant waves washing him out. This is manageable--something she can help change.

And she's certain that it will upset Scratch. The Dark Presence. The story.

They can fuck off, because she's tires of those three things dictating the story. Alan. Everything. ]

We just need to help you remember. Like we did before.

[ ｟ Alan. Alan Wake. Come home. ｠

Polaris shimmers around Jesse. If Alan can see her again is another thing entirely. For the moment, though, the harmonious resonance is trying to get his attention and reach that spark inside him. Trying to wake up the Champion of Light inside of the Writer.

Jesse would raise her hands to take his head into her hold if Polaris wasn't working. However, he leans in to repeat the gesture. She moves the small amount needed to give him a proper kiss. It feels like electricity runs down her spine. She hopes it never stops feeling this way when they kiss. That isn't her primary focus at the moment though. Now she just wants to help him remember in the only way she can think--remind him what it's like to be them. ]

[ Oh, Alan would recoil in horror if she knew what she was thinking. He would reject the idea without even giving it a second's thought. He's had a shift in his thinking without even really knowing when that shift began. The story might need victims; it might pull people in and torment and murder them. But he's never been all right with that. He had to let it happen in some instances, but it's not okay with him. The things that he wrote when he wasn't in control of himself horrify him. That's why so much of the manuscripts are edited.

Now, all he wants to do is minimize the damage and hurt done to other people. If he can somehow put it into the story that the people he cares about are kept out of harm's way, then that's what he intends to do. It has to be subtle, of course, because the story resists, but... Saga and her daughter. Casey. Jesse, Steve, the rest of the FBC in Bright Falls. They need to be kept safe, somehow. He can't remember what exactly he's done in the name of protecting them, because he can't remember that while he's in the story, but he must have done something.

The Dark Presence clearly doesn't like that, even if Alan doesn't realize that's what is causing the ripple of anger inside him.

Get out of my story! You're in MY story.

The thought resounds loudly in Alan's head, and the shooting pain resurfaces for just a second. But it's all internal, and unless Jesse's looking closely, she might miss how Alan's eyes darken for just a second. It's only for a second, and then it's gone, and Alan's there with her. ]

It's going to try and stop you. It doesn't want me to remember. I shouldn't remember, because it's not in the story.

[ His eyes shift again, looking for something that he can't quite see. He's looking for Polaris, that guiding star, but he still can't see her. Can't see the shimmer that he saw in his dream. He can feel her, but just barely. That part of him that's the Champion of Light is reaching back for her, trying to bridge that gap, but so far, it's a slow effort.

But somehow, even if he's struggling to feel Polaris' resonance, he can feel Jesse. He can feel her, and more importantly, the kiss is stirring up memories buried beneath the demands of the story. All he sees are flashes of images, but it's them. They're in different motel rooms, or in a conference room, or in a darkened room he knows too well. But in each one, he's not alone. He's with her.

She keeps finding him in each one, even in a place he never wanted her to see, and in each one, they're home. They're home because they're together.

The words slide out of him almost by accident; he didn't mean to say them out loud, but they come out anyway. ]

Jesse, I want to come home.

Edited 2023-12-13 04:58 (UTC)

[ If she is changing the story then she and Polaris will need to be the ones to bear the price. That's fine by her. She's the one who wants them in reality to the point she's gone through these hoops and lengths. She won't pay a price of death, of course, as that would moot the entire thing. But, any injury is fine with her. As long as it brings Alan home.

The dark look in his eyes doesn't escape her notice. Her hands curl more against his elbows at the sign of it. She doesn't know what that means exactly. The look doesn't belong to Alan and that means it has to leave.

She just wants him here with her. Why is that so damn much to ask for?

The answer is obvious and it makes her hate it all more. Alan has been trapped in a nightmare dimension for thirteen years. The Dark Presence, Scratch, whatever it is has claws deep in him from the constant battles. That's why it's so hard.

« It can't have him. He belongs here. » ]

I'm an outlier for a reason. [ The comment is said gently, but with a bit of pride and even humor to it. ] We don't operate in the way things tell us to. You know that.

[ Green eyes watch his expression as the kiss ends. He's stated his intent and want to return home--to their reality before. Leaving the Dark Place. This time, however, she feels there is a secondary meaning. Her heart pounds. Once again she wonders how he can manage to strike the right cords in her in so few words. He'd say he isn't good with words anymore, but he must be good enough to know how to get her to react.

Her hands leave his elbows to cradle his head between them. A small notion is made to bring him closer and to move closer to him. They're already close enough to kiss and touch their foreheads. It's not close enough to bring him home.

« Haven't we done this before? You and me. It's what we did in the Writer's Room, isn't it...? Did he take that idea and find a way to move it into the story if I showed him that manuscript page? Or, do things naturally fall like this because of the story? Maybe it's pointless to ask. We just go with it. » ]

Then, come home. [ Her eyes slide shut as her mouth brushes against his with each word. ] All you need to do is make that last step. Cross that threshold and you'll be here with me.

[ Jesse want's to pull him closer into a kiss. Her instincts tell her this has to be something Alan does. He has to make that last full motion. A choice just like it was in the Writer's Room. An echo, a repeat, maybe a reused set of events. It worked there, why not here in the altered world event? ]

We're more than just parts to play in the horror story. You're not a character in Scratch's story. You're a best selling novelist--Alan Wake. A real person who belongs in this world. With me.

Edited 2023-12-13 17:47 (UTC)

[ Even now, even though he can't know what's on her mind, Alan rejects that idea soundly. No one needs to be hurt by the story any more than they already have been. Jesse might be resigned to sustaining injuries in the effort to beat the story and bring it to an end, but Alan is anything but resigned to that. He can't forget what it was like reading those words on the page and having it sink in just what Scratch did to her. Even in the loops where he shouldn't remember that, somehow, it still exists as a terrible sinking feeling of dread that he can't get rid of.

Alan feels the darkness trying to drag him under; it feels like a cold hand grabbing at him, trying to pull him away. This won't ever end, will it? I'll never be completely awake. Clear-headed. It'll always find a way to get me. Even if I find a way to end the story, will it always be able to find me?

Jesse might be determined to pull him from the clutches of the Dark Presence, but in Alan's mind, the Dark Presence is even more determined to keep him there. Even when the feeling of being dragged under fades, Alan still feels that cold touch on his back, like the imprint of the Dark Presence is still there. Maybe it'll always be there. ]

Maybe more people should be outliers. Maybe more people should be like you. [ If I'd met her before I met Alice... yeah, I know that's a weird thought. But I would've- Never mind.

There is a secondary meaning. He wants a life with her. He wants things that he shouldn't remember wanting, or talking with her about wanting. There were things they talked about, but he can't remember them. So all he can say is that he wants to come home to her.

His head shifts lightly in her hold, leaning a little bit more against her hands. He moves closer to her when she pulls him in, and when she moves closer to him, he smiles. It's a small smile, but a smile nonetheless. ]

The story- the Dark Presence wants me to think I don't have one. I don't have a home. Even if I get out, I'll always just dive right back in. [ It took him some time to realize it, but the Dark Presence is enticing, a master of deception. It wants to lure Alan back in. It has lured him back in. Whenever he goes too far, it finds a way to pull him back. It preys on his fears and insecurities and uses those against him. ]

It wants me to forget that I ever had a home. But I did, at least once, before all this. An apartment, with Alice.

[ He finds it hard to picture it now, and he doesn't remember visiting a version of it several times in the New York of the Dark Place. ]

I want it. No, I need it. I need to come home. [ I'm tired of always drifting. Drowning. I don't want to be lost anymore.

The story fights him even as he tries to push past it, to take that step. To cross the threshold and join her again. He reaches for her with one hand, although she's not that far away from him, but the darkness lingering in his mind is trying to throw up a wall between them. Trying to keep them apart. ]

...stop it. Just stop it. I'm- I want to come home. [ Again, the words aren't directed at her. They're directed at the monsters in his head that want to keep him trapped. ]

I don't want to be a character. I won't be a character anymore.

[ Alan takes a deep breath, and he takes that step. It won't set him free, but it's a step closer to him finally coming home. His lips press deeply against hers, his hunger and need for her all too plain on his face. ]

[ Rather than resigned, Jesse sees it as terms and conditions. If she is to make the story bend to her will and what she wants? She has to give up something in return. She can take on injuries--she had plenty of scrapes and bruises in the Hiss Invasion. The story has probably done almost every injury imaginable to her already--even if neither of them remember all of the times around. It might be a countless amount of times as well. Who really knows how many times they have been around. All she can hope is that this will be the last time.

His small smile is mirrored by hers. ]

The world would definitely be weirder. [ Her forehead presses to his more. ] Maybe too weird.

[ She gently supports his weight as she had in the Writer's Room. The memories are faint for her, but she knows she went there and that they pulled him from the mental depths of the Dark Place. It seems the hold has to have it's claws in him in order for the story to progress.

« He won't ever be really free of it until this story is over. » ]

It's wrong. [ A slight shake of her head. ] You lived here, in this reality. Not a dream reality. You and Alice lived in New York City. You were a successful writer, a celebrity, and existed here. Even if you don't feel like the same person? You are. You're Alan Wake.

[ She knows when he's talking to only things he knows and can see--visions of the Dark Presence and it's minions--and when he's talking to her. She stays quiet as he battles the darkness in his mind. Whether that darkness is the story or things the Dark Presence has done to him is irrelevant to her. It's a darkness that Alan has to beat on his own. She can aid him and show him the way, be that guiding star, but he has to pick. He has to make it happen.

All he needs is the encouragement and support.

His hand lands on her elbow and her smile widens.

No hesitation is given to kiss him back. She pulls him closer, leaning back slightly. The kiss isn't meant to be pretty or entirely romantic. Instead, she answers that need and hunger with her own. Trying to pull him home; wake up those memories lost in the fog of his mind. Hidden by the story. They've kissed like this before--and more.

Polaris resonates louder, attempting to reach the Champion of Light. ]

[ If those are the terms and conditions, Alan hates them. He hates them almost as much as he hates the story. The story has done so much damage, and the way he sees it, it's only continuing to do damage. He can try to mitigate it, to try and shield as many people from it as he can, but it's too powerful. The darkness is too strong, and he's only one man. He's only one man who's running out of ways to fight it. Maybe this is the only way. The only choice he has left.

But that doesn't change the fact that he hates it. ]

I don't know about too weird. I wouldn't mind going back to some kind of normal, sometimes quiet life, but- it would be boring if there wasn't any weirdness at all. I could do without a horrifying, terrible story that's alive, though.

[ I could really do without that. Without all of this. But didn't this bring us together? I can't hate everything about this, when this is what helped me find her. ]

I don't feel like that, like I'm still that same person. I don't feel much of anything. Believing that all of that is true, that there really still is a person named Alan Wake is... it's hard.

[ It's hard to believe, but- Somehow, I still know that I'm not a character. That's not a made up name. I actually lived. ]

I lived. I talked to people. Made them angry sometimes. But I lived.

[ The darkness is still trying to pull Alan down, but he's fighting back in his own way, channeling some remnants of determination to try and push back. He might not have much left, but he at least has something.

When is a kiss not just a kiss? When it's something a desperate man is doing in an effort to stop himself from drowning. Except it's less of Alan trying to stop himself than it is him relying on someone else to help pull him out of the waves. He's tried doing it on his own, but that won't work anymore. Or maybe it will and he's just convinced himself that it won't. Maybe trusting others to help pull him out will only end in disaster, but it can't go any worse than it already has, right?

Suddenly, abruptly, Alan gasps, a strange momentum pulling him back from Jesse. There's a roaring sound inside his head, accompanied by a haze of gray clouds and a menacing face baring his teeth at him in a snarl. But just as suddenly, the face is gone, and a burst of blinding light seems to flood Alan's mind. In the center of the light is the woman with Jesse's face that he saw in his dream, and as before, her hands are outstretched to him.

Come home, Alan.

The light fades to a less blinding level, and suddenly, Alan feels himself sag against Jesse; not to the point that all of his weight is on her, but he's leaning against her a little more than he was just moments ago.

He's still looking at her, and maybe it's just a trick of the light, but strangely, inexplicably, his gray eyes seem to have become a few shades brighter. ]

[ The story isn't one created by Alan. It doesn't use the rules or language he would. She can tell that by having just read his Alex Casey novels. This story is a monster. Monsters destroy everything in their path. Yet, even more so, this story is an invasion. The Dark Presence--Scratch--wants their world and will burn what it has to in order to do so. Fighting that force means costs, prices, causilties.

She's the Director. What good is a Director who can't guide? Lead the way? Show that you can keep fighting and win? While caring and helping those victims along the way.

She will pay the price because Alan has paid enough for his changes. His heroism. There may not be anything left of him if he keeps paying. So... this one is on her.

« We can argue about it more when he's home for good. » ]

You live. It's not just that you had a life, you have one. The more you belive you don't? The more it's going to wash it away. [ She shifts forward to him more. ] It's hard, Alan. I know. Fighting against a world that tries to convince you what you know is real isn't. I know what it's like.

Why else would you bring Polaris and I here to help?

[ Jesse has been trying so long to pull him from the depths of dark waters. There's been times when she thought he didn't want her help. There's been times when Scratch has stopped her. Even times when she has come so close and it slips from her fingers as they loop around right ti the beginning.

Now, she's reaching into the Lake with both arms submerged. The Lake water is to her collarbone as her hands curl around his arms to pull him up. She can't do it on her own. He has to grab back--push up. Fight off the current so her leverage can truly pull him. He never wanted her in the lake; he abhors the idea of it. It's the only thing she can think to do that won't break her promise of entering the Lake. Both arms under murky black waters and grabbing him. Using all her strength to pull him up.

« Come on, Alan. It's me. It's Jesse. You've been awake before. Remember? WE found you in the Dark Place. A flashlight, a light from outside. You're AWAKE. You have to remember. I can't tell you--you need to realize it. Come on, come on. Please. Please, Alan. You know you're awake! Wake up! You need to wake up! »

She wants to pull him closer and open her mouth to his; to truly disappear into a kiss from him. Instead, he is pulling away with a gasp and everything in Jesse freezes. Well, everything that's her. Polaris still hums loudly and tries to amplify the Light and its Champion.

That's when she sees his eyes have lightened to that shade of gray she loves. Her heart skips.

Her fingers curl slightly into his beard. ] ...hi, Alan.

Edited 2023-12-14 17:48 (UTC)

[ It isn't the kind of story Alan would write, but he believed he needed to adapt his own style of writing to fit in with the horror genre. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he didn't need to completely change the sort of writer that he was. Maybe in that way, that was the Dark Presence changing him. Turning him into someone else. It's a thought that doesn't ease his nerves at all. But he's still trying to stop the invasion, and now that Jesse's on the scene, determined to do her part to help change it, he wonders what exactly that means.

Naturally, his overactive imagination goes to extremes, imagining the worst sort of horrors, the ones that would affect him the most personally, because of their connection. But beyond that, because Alan isn't a cruel person, he can't stand the idea of the story pulling everyone in further and either killing or injuring them almost for fun. The darkness is too powerful, and shouldn't be underestimated. Not that he believes Jesse would for even a second, but it's still that master of deception: finding ways to sneak in when someone's back is turned.

So Alan will never be pleased with the idea of someone else paying the price he's meant to instead of him. But the part of him that is tired of years of fighting, of trying, of being looped back around again and again just wants to lie down and let Jesse as herself or as the Director take over. Not entirely, because he still has to write, but he can relinquish some of the control he's been desperately trying to hold onto. Maybe he never was in control.

But then there's another part of him, a more cynical part, that says there's no point in letting her help. The Dark Presence has its claws in him, as she's already realized. He's spent so long being outside of time and space that maybe there's no place for Alan Wake anymore. Maybe his place is in places he barely remembers, such as the room in her apartment that she set aside for him to use. Maybe he'll flit in and out of those places, always coming back to the Dark Place.

No, that can't be true. I can't give up. I'm tired, but I just can't give up. I won't. ]

It's washed away so much already. You know it has. You've seen it, haven't you? [ She's seen it, he's lived through it. ] It's hard to not think of it all in past tense. It's in the past, not the present. That life, whoever it belonged to.

[ Maybe he and Jesse are really more alike than perhaps either of them have realized. They're both locked in their respective fights. Maybe Jesse ultimately won her fight to find a place in the world where she is believed and where she knows what she's seen is real. Alan's fight is still continuing. The latest tactic from the Dark Place is making him doubt his place in reality. ]

Polaris... Polaris. [ That's not the only thing he's been forced to forget. He can't remember Jesse's guide. ] The name of the North Star, that guides people who are lost. But that's not all Polaris is, is it? [ He knows facts, scientific ones that don't really relate to Jesse's Polaris.

He'd lose himself in trying to remember things that are hidden from him, but that would pull him away from her, and he's been pulled away from her enough as it is.

He's not physically in the lake, but the lake in his mind very much has him in its grip. The waves want to wash him out even as he tries desperately to reach out for and to hold onto Jesse's hands as they reach out to him. He's reaching, desperately, straining for something to hold onto, something to pull him out of the water even as the current pulls him back down and further in. His own strength is waning and has been for awhile, almost like a real drowning victim's strength wanes while fighting off real waves.

But who says the waves of the Dark Presence are less real than those? In some ways, they're more real than anything. Stronger than anything. Stronger than Alan.

But are they stronger than Polaris? The light bursts into Alan's mind, drowning out everything: thoughts, feelings, actions... The darkness can't exist when so much light is present. A switch has been flipped. The Champion of Light is waking up. He looks at Jesse, gray eyes once again locked on green ones. ]

... Jesse?

[ How many times have we done this? Will I stay awake this time? ]

Hi.

It's not taken you, Alan. It stole parts but you're still here. I know it's hard to see... maybe even feel. But, you're a person. Not a part of the Dark Place. It will want you to think it so you stop trying to come home.

[ She frowns slightly. ] There's always a place for you. People are still talking about your disappearance, your books, they even made them into movies. You belong here. Not the Dark Place.

[ A nod. That's not the Polaris she means, but the namesake. The story has tried to remove everything he's ever known about her or her guide. Another smaller realization dawns on her as to why it was so hard to make the story include them. Her guilt stabs her heart.

She can't demand anything from him again.

Her hands grasp onto his arms and try to pull him to the surface once again. Not only to the surface, but onto a dock or a piece of land, whatever it is she is standing on. Her feet sink slightly at the sheer force she needs to exhort to pull him. That's why pulling will only do so much; she needs him to push himself that last bit.

Polaris is only as strong as those things that amplify her are. Jesse is her living source in this reality, but, if there is nothing to build from it all turns into just small waves. She equates to a background energy that exists peacefully with beings that she can harmonize with.

If the Light that bright in Alan's mind? Then it means he far stronger than he ever gives himself credit for. Polaris amplifies that spark to nourish it to be a full light again, but she can only make what's already there louder. Alan just has to realize it.

Jesse stares at him for a moment. Her lip starts to tremble before she bites down on it. Her gaze drops as her head lowers. Hands come to rest on his shoulders to steady him and also give her something to grasp onto for a moment. Her arms shake as she tries to keep herself together. ]

I... I didn't know if it would work. [ A small voice trembling with emotion. ] That Polaris and I could bend the story to... or if you could hear us through the story... [ Her voice breaks and her fingers curl in his bloodied flannel shirt. ] This page--it--us--wasn't in this loop. I didn't know if you'd want...

[ A small broken laugh comes from her as she tries not to break down in tears. ] You're home.

Edited 2023-12-15 21:49 (UTC)

I guess what I have to do is just... just believe you. I can't see it, because it won't let me. It won't let me feel anything but what it wants. [ Horror. Exhaustion. Fear. Nothing good like a certainty of being real. A certainty of anything. ] I don't really know how, because it's hiding that too, but I know you wouldn't lie to me.

[ His words and the thoughts in his mind and the feelings he's having seem to wrestle with each other, and it takes some work to just focus on Jesse's words and try to accept them as truth. ]

It's great that they talk about that stuff still, but the Alan Wake from back then is different from the Alan Wake now. [ I don't even know who he is, not really. ]

Even if I don't really know who I am, would you still welcome me back? [ It's made me forget everything about her. But I'll remember. I have to.

He feels her pulling on him, trying to pull him out of the waves and back onto land. Is he on the shore of Cauldron Lake, or is he dangling off the ledge that he used to dive in, in the first place? Maybe it's a bit of both.

But with the awakening of the light inside his mind, Alan feels ground beneath him again. It's solid, and it's real. Jesse's real. Her hands on him are real. The way he begins to shake with emotion is real. ]

I didn't think it would work. That anything would work. If the story's making me forget, how could I remember something that's not in it? It still feels too good to be true, that the two of you are helping me remember. But...

[ If Jesse and her guide are bending the story, then that means that the eye of the Darkness will be on them both, if it's not already. ]

You know you won't be safe if the Dark Presence sees you. [ He feels her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, and he leans into that touch in spite of himself. ] It will see you, and- I don't know what it will do.

[ But the part of Alan that loves her and always misses her, no matter how much the story tries to make him forget her, isn't thinking about that. The risk is there, as is the chance of punishment. But Alan's mind is on something else. ]

I always want us to be in the loops. I always want to be with you. But... is indulging my own selfishness worth putting you at risk? [ Maybe that is where they will always disagree. But that's not relevant at the moment. ]

I'm home because of you. Because you brought me here. Woke me up. [ And this time, I want to stay that way as long as possible. Forever, if I can. I'm tired, and just lying down and stopping feels so tempting sometimes, but I can't, can I? Not even if she's here. Am I any closer than I was before? Are we getting closer to the ending? I can't even tell. ] How... how many times are we going to do this?

[ He hasn't yet realized that with statements like that, he's saying he believes her. The story forces him to forget details, things he's done, things he's learned... there's always that feeling of having done something like this before, though, and it's that feeling, maybe helped along by Jesse, that's making him believe her. ]

Edited 2023-12-16 19:24 (UTC)

[ Her expression falls bit by bit as he continues. Not that she is giving up. Hell, no. She isn't. It's just hearing him be so resigned is a horror in its own way. All she can feel is that tug on reality to get her to act or do something a certain way. He's falling into that way reality is being told to bend--the story. Can she really fight the story off for both of them?

All she can is try.

Her hands curl further into his shirt. They bunch the fabric beneath them. Holding onto him and keeping him above the waves of the story. ]

Yes. I will. Because you're Alan. My Alan. And no nightmare dimension is going to change that. Or take it away from me. I'm done with these god damn things taking everything away. It doesn't get to have you.

[ « Fuck the story and the altered reality it's trying to make. It doesn't get to keep him forever. He's not from the Dark Place. He's from HERE. He doesn't belong there. »

She shakes her lowered head. ]

None of us are safe period. If that's the case, then I'm taking what I want. The Dark Presence, Scratch, I don't care who or what it is. It doesn't get to decide MY life. I'll fight it.

[ « And we'll win. Just like with the Hiss. Hartman. »

Her forehead rests against his chest for a moment. That's all she'll allow for the walls to come down. They're not safe here with the sun going down. There isn't time to be unguarded except for this one moment. The one brief blip in time where he can see how scared she is of losing him. Again.

A shaking exhale leaves her. Hands with the bunched up flannel shirt give him a tug to come closer. Just so this once she can lean against him for support. Her shoulders are shaking with the tears she isn't letting out, but Alan can read her like a book.

Ironic, given he's a writer. ]

I want it more than in the loops.

[ The story is still nudging Alan along even though the light switch is still flipped. The light is still very much alive and flooding through Alan's mind; it's not a greedy thing like the Dark Presence. It's inside Alan's mind, but he's still himself, not washed out or swept away. But even then, the story needs Alan to be a certain way, to do certain things, and so it continues to poke and prod at him, and he doesn't resist.

Maybe it's the knowledge that he's written in what he can. Changed what he can. Tried to steer the stories in ways that subtly help him and people like Jesse and Saga. Maybe that's all he can do. Maybe by giving the right ammunition to the right people, the story will eventually play out in a way that sets them all free. Or maybe it doesn't, at least not all of them. Maybe the price is that the right people are freed, but Alan still has consequences that linger even after the story ends.

Maybe the win they're all hoping for is a bittersweet one at best. ]

Your Alan... Am I? I mean- I like how that sounds. Being yours. Being someone's. I know I was someone's once, but... it would be nice to be someone's again.

[ Of course, the Dark Presence hates that and rejects the notion. The menacing, yelling gray face flares up in Alan's mind again, only to be thoroughly pushed out by the light still resonating there. The brightness seems to be dimming, slowly and subtly, but it's still there for now.

The story is still trying to keep Alan carved out; pressed down, not rising to the surface. Drowning.

She'll fight to keep things on her terms. Maybe she'll find a way to get herself out of this. That's good.

Alan doesn't answer, because that feeling of having run out of words has been growing in the back of his mind, and it grows louder now. The spark is still there, and it's still illuminating the spaces inside his mind, but that feeling of resignation is still holding onto him. Maybe he can't help himself, or support himself, but he can still do one thing: be there for her.

It's a contradiction, but maybe he's always been a man of contradictions. He can't be strong for himself anymore, but he can still summon the will to support her like she needs him to. Maybe that's his role now. To not be the hero, but to be one of the people supporting the hero, and then fading into the background when he's not needed.

Or maybe that's just what the story wants him to think. He just can't tell the difference anymore.

Either way, he pulls himself away from thoughts of the impossible story, of the enemies he has to fight, and he simply leans in closer, arms moving to wrap themselves around her and draw her in. If he can't be strong for himself, then he can be that for her. Her pillar. His hands move again, this time coming to rest against her shoulders that are shaking. She doesn't need to rein in her reactions, but he does want her to know that he's there. ]

Maybe we'll have that... time together that's not in a loop. [ Or maybe we won't. I can't see how this is going to end. ] But- at least for right now, I'm right here.

[ His hand moves again, and this time, it comes to a stop against the back of her head, his fingers moving to lightly stroke the red hair there, hoping it gives her the support she seems to need.

The Dark Presence seems to pop back up then, sounding like an angry hum, but Alan tries to squash that down. It's not the time for it to show up. Not that there ever is a good time for it. ]

Edited 2023-12-16 21:28 (UTC)

[ Polaris hums through the hands of her amplifier. The fact they are bunched up hardly matters. The resonance is interwoven with Jesse to the point that simply being alive resonates through everything. The light is on in Alan's mind, and so, Polaris resonates with it; attempting to harmonize. She already beats through the whole Station thanks to the two control points.

Jesse can feel the tug on reality that the story has. She ignores it. Makes it bend where she wants. Alan has to be awake to change the ending. She'll do everything to wake him up--even if he hates her for it in the end. ]

I've called you it before. Remember? We were with you in your room. Helping you wake up. [ She pauses. ] I told you I was waiting for you to come home. Even if no one else was anymore. I am... waiting for my writer to come home from the night.

[ Her eyes close at the feeling of his arms around her. It brings back memories of other loops: the few they had managed to be together in. Just Alan and Jesse. Motel rooms they used to hide away from the world for a few hours. She melts into his arms. God, she has missed him so much. ]

You said you'd fight to keep me with you. [ Jesse shuts her eyes and inhales then. She steels herself, letting her shoulders square once more. ] You'd keep fighting to stay with me. You called me yours. You wouldn't let go.

[ While he may not remember the exchange in the Dark Place, she hopes it shows she heard him. Listened to everything he ever said. Responding to it... having the right words is something else.

Jesse finally raises her head to look at hi. She moves only enough needed--never breaking his hold on her--and placing her hands on either side of his face once more. Green eyes gaze into gray and the gravitational pull that seems so natural to him replaces the tug on reality from the story. The pull may cause her to spiral into him, but she wouldn't mind if it's truly just them. ]

I'll keep waking you up. As many times as you need it. [ She hesitates, but presses on. ] Are you really awake? I mean awake. Or, am I just how the story wants you to see me?

[ « Does he need more to be awake like he was in the Writer's Room? Does the stoey still control him? » ]

[ The light is dimming and Alan can feel the darkness seeping back into his mind, and the feel of it stirs back up the fear he has of losing himself again. Of falling back asleep and not waking up again no matter how hard Jesse tries to keep him with her. The light is still trying to resonate with Polaris but Alan's just along for the ride, with most of his focus on trying to tune it the roar of the darkness. ]

I'm trying to remember. It's there, I can feel it but it's hiding from me. I can feel you. I want to feel you, to remember... It isn't fair if you're the only one who remembers.

[ If it wasn't ridiculous and even pathetic, because I should be able to do this on my own... I'd ask her to save me. To help me. But why do I need to? She's here, she's trying to help. I just need to focus on that. I don't need to ask her anything, when she's already giving me everything. ]

I'll... I'll come home one day. Somehow. Soon. I hope it's soon.

[ This has to end soon. It can't keep going forever. ]

I don't want to let go. I want to be yours. I want you to be mine.

[ He's trying to encourage her with his hold and his touches. Just because he might be beyond encouraging himself doesn't mean she is. He won't stop trying to encourage her. She can still fight. She still has a future. ]

If it becomes too much, if you can't do it anymore, you can stop. I don't- I don't expect more from you than what you've done already. It... it means everything to me, Jesse.

[ Emotion chokes his voice but he keeps pushing on. ]

I'm awake. I feel... clear headed. Awake. You did it again. The story is still trying to pull me down but I don't want to let it. I don't want to be pulled away from you.

You said there's still a fight coming, didn't you? [ There's always a fight. It never ends. As long as the darkness exists, it won't end. ]

Edited 2023-12-18 07:09 (UTC)

[ A certain sad look crosses her eyes. One that speaks of knowing just how unfair life is. Not only that, but that she is used to how unfair it all is. So much of her life has been that way. This is the one thing she had hoped wouldn't be unfair. ]

Soon could be now. This could be the final time around. That's why I need you here with me. We may have all the pieces we need go end the story and keep you home.

[ Her fingers brush along his beard again. Hopefully they make it through the night. They may still see Saga and she can work with the FBI agent. Polaris and her guiding both of them.

It's the only way she can think to try and change aspects of the story while ultimately making it to along the path to change its outcome. Jesse has had the feeling for some time now that she can't change the ending or influence it. Only Alan, and maybe Saga, can do that. They are the main roles in the story. Jesse is only there as an important side role, propping up Alan and trying to help him fight against the Dark Presence. She's fine with that, as this isn't fully her fight. Now, it's simply finding a way to make things work and change in that role.

She shakes her head slightly. ] You don't need to want, Alan. You already have it.

[ Jesse guides him into a passionate kiss. She isn't new to any of this. The gray eyes are starting to darken and she knows what that means. He'll be washed out with no idea who she is. He'll forget any of this happened. Somehow, someway, she needs to keep him here with her. Somehow.

She hopes that now he can feel her. Polaris. The hum that makes the light louder. Polaris can only boost what Alan had inside him. Hopefully that will be enough. It doesn't feel it will be. This time feels so much more dire than the other times around. ]

Edited 2023-12-18 17:32 (UTC)

OCEANVIEW III

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