synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

[ Jesse just gives a half-smile at his "see you in a minute." She doesn't doubt he'll be back... it's more the end of the "adventure" that's hovering in her mind. What happens when the weird is over. Not that she should think about it, as she's certain she knows how it'll end.

Just her and Polaris.

Her eyebrows come together at the sound of Alan's voice on the phone. She glances up at the coal mine, then down at the phone in her hand. Weirder things have happened, but it's certainly weird. She curls back under the desk and holds it back to her ear.

« He sounds... older. » ]

...Wake? [ If he sounds older, she certainly sounds younger. ]

[ Of course she sounds younger, but that doesn't disappoint him as much as he would have expected. Clearly he hasn't managed to reach his Jesse, but at least he got a Jesse. But maybe instead of talking to her, he should hang up. End the connection. He doesn't know what would happen if he talks to her. What if he says the wrong thing?

But he finds himself unable to hang up. ]

Hey. [ But what should he actually say? He hadn't planned on this, although maybe he should have. ]

Where are you right now?

[ « "Where"? So he's... he's not in the mine. He's somewhere else? Some other time? I don't--I don't understand. I don't feel I can just hang up on him... » ]

The Coal Mine Museum, outside of Bright Falls. You're waiting for the kidnapper to show up to get information on where he's holding your wife.

[ « Something tells me he needs more information. I don't know why he'd even be calling me. » ]

[ The Coal Mine Museum... in Bright Falls? But that was so long ago. So is she at the start of it all? But she wasn't there... I didn't even meet her until later. ]

Right... The Coal Mine Museum. I remember that. It- It was a long time ago for me, but I do remember it.

[ Vaguely. ]

... a long time ago. [ She parrots the words in soft tones. Tones that this Alan will know, despite the fact she's younger. ] Oh.

[ « Then, why is he even calling? Maybe he didn't mean to call me. You didn't do this--do you? »

Polaris shifts.

« I didn't think so. » ]

I'm guessing you need something. This isn't a social call.

Yeah. Look, I- I probably shouldn't say anything, but maybe if I do, it'll help you. [ And me. The me who's not me. Or, well, the me that's a few steps behind me. ]

No, I don't need anything. [ Because just talking to her is enough. Even if it's not the her I was trying to reach. ] But this could be a social call, in a way.

[ He pauses before continuing. ]

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need something, and I might be able to help with that.

Edited 2024-01-23 02:56 (UTC)

[ Jesse remains quiet as he speaks. It's not hard to tell that the Alan on the phone is older. He talks and sounds the same, but there is an element of knowledge and maybe even tiredness in it. Someone who has seen more than the Alan she knows.

« Someone who also must be used to talking to me. It's almost like he knows how to phrase things--or say them in a way that answers a question before I can even answer it. »

Her fingers curl slightly around the phone. A part of her, for some reason, wants to be closer to him. The same part that made her feel upset when she had to let go of his hand. The one that is dragging her down in the assumption that Alan will be leaving with his wife. Or, at the very least, leave Bright Falls to be with his wife again.

« I barely know him. I shouldn't be upset. Why am I so upset over it? It can't be just because he's someone else that can see the world I see. If... if I thought he'd be okay witb it? I'd tell him about you. I know you want me to. But... what if it ends like all the other times?

I DON'T want to talk to shrinks again. »

She glances to the side and her shoulders curl slightly. Her voice continues in those softer tones he knows. ] ...what do you think I need?

[ There's a part of him that's almost afraid to speak to her. What if he says the wrong thing? What if he reveals too much information? There are so many ways that this could go wrong, and if that happens, then he risks jeopardizing things for this version of himself and Jesse too.

But in spite of that, he can't ignore the desire to be closer to her too, even if she isn't the Jesse that he knows from his branch of the timeline. At the very least, he wants to guide her along if he can. If he can tell her something that helps her in her journey, then this will have been worth it. ]

First, even if you feel like you're not helping, don't even think that. You are helping by just being there.

[ He wishes he could stop there, but that would be setting her up for disappointment.]

But there's more to it than that. [ And that's the part he's not finding easy to talk about. ]

[ It's not that Jesse flinches--but she does reflexively ball up. Just slightly. He's gotten part of why she is upset right. How is she of any help? They just met, and it seems like all they do is butt heads. Or she makes everything more confusing for him. She's not really sure why she's even in the story beyond getting Alan the manuscript pages she had in her possession. None of it makes much sense to her.

« Maybe if he remembered that week he was missing... it might make more sense. » ]

I don't see how. [ Her head tilts so she can rest her cheek on her knees. The hand keeps the phone to her ear. ] What's the rest of it?

[ Jesse wants to believe him. Ultimately? She's afraid to believe in something--trust something. Alan didn't run away or call her crazy when she explained what she had of Orindary. It means a lot to her. That fact alone means so much that she's afraid he'll leave in the end back to the way everyone else sees the world and she'll be the only one realizing the poster is gone on the wall.

Jesse closes her eyes to try and stop the sudden spike of tears she can feel in her eyes. She just met him... everything rational in her says it shouldn't be like this... ]

[ Maybe it's all in Alan's head, but he thinks he can imagine the way Jesse's reacting, how she's moving. If she's anything like the version of her that he knows, they react in the same ways. A part of him feels like maybe he should stop right here. Maybe he shouldn't say any more. Because the things that he's feeling compelled to say won't make her happy. They won't make things any easier.

But nothing about this is easy. ]

I know trusting people is hard; you probably don't even trust me yet. But believe me, you're helping. I- The me that you know might not realize it yet, but he will. He'll realize it, and he'll need your help.

[ But that's not all he means to say, and she knows it. ]

Well- the rest is... [ He pauses for a second to try and collect himself. ]

I'm sorry for what you'll have to go through. It'll be hard, it'll test both of you. But you have to keep going, even if you want to stop. Even if it gets so hard that you think there's no way you can do it anymore. You can, I promise.

Edited 2024-01-24 03:04 (UTC)

[ Who knows her better than him? Even if it's a different version of her. They're both still Jesse Faden. Both still have the same strengths and insecurities. One is simply further along her path while the other is still struggling to find a way to balance the world she knows is real and the world she's forced to live in by others.

Her gaze settles on the wood floor in front of her. Alan already needs her help and has realized it. Which means whatever this Alan is talking about is something the one she knows hasn't grasped everything. It makes sense. He can barely put together the forces in the story working against him. He couldn't realize he needs help if that's the case. ]

[ She closes her eyes as a frown tugs at her mouth. ] People can't handle it. The world the way it really is. They leave. Or tell me I'm wrong. I'm not. It's real--all of it.

[ Jesse falls quiet again as he speaks. It feels like he's taken the breath out of her lungs. He somehow knows the right words to say. The right thing to take her breath away and leave her feeling exposed. Everything is on display. That's how she feels. ]

There's no "both of us." H-he'll go back to his wife. Your wife--both of yours. Once she's out of danger. [ Those soft tones have broken into something even more vulnerable. A tone of voice to match the expression in the eyes Alan certainly knows on her older self. ] I-it doesn't matter if he was getting a divorce. Whatever ends all of this will help fix their marriage. It should. He's still married. You're...

[ Jesse forces herself to stop talking. The moment she does seems to stretch on. Then, her head tilts forward as she hides her face in her knees. ]

...you know about it. Don't you? [ Her voice breaks. ] Ordinary... a-and my friend.

Edited 2024-01-24 18:42 (UTC)

[ He knows that he's learned a lot about her in their time together. He's learned he can read her. Maybe not with ease, but he knows what her subtle expressions mean now. He can tell when she's angry or upset or sad, and he can usually say soemthing that helps. Usually. Maybe what he's learned applies here.

He decides to give her a few seconds to process what he's told her before he continues. ]

I know. I know they can't handle it. I couldn't handle it at first. But for people like you and me, the poster is off the wall, and it's not going back on. It can't.

I don't know what's going on with me, where you are. Maybe the twists and turns of the story will be different. But I do know one thing. [ He purposefully makes his voice sound warmer, kinder. Hopefully encouraging. ] Somehow, I just know... he'll choose you. You and him- you'll see each other as home. You won't want to let go of each other.

[ He's not sure how he knows this, but he's certain he can speak confidently. Maybe he saw a vision of it happening... a glimpse of his other self from further down on the timeline going to Jesse. Maybe some turn in the story takes Alice out of the story and puts her as a supporting role. All he knows is that he's certain these versions of himself and Jesse will find a way to stay together.

Just as he's certain he can answer her question with the same amount of confidence. ]

I do. You told me about Ordinary, and about Dylan. And- about your friend.

[ His next statements cause her eyes to widen even with her forehead against her knees. Her breath audibly catches in her throat. The conversation merely convinces her that Alan Wake truly does know the right words to resonate with someone else. He knows the exact phrase to use to answer he unasked question.

How well does this Alan Wake really know me?

Her eyes close as she feels an extensive amount of emotions flood into her at once. Surprise is the most obvious. Yet, she also feels a sense of adorement. The familiar need to have someone understand. A sense of longing she doesn't fully grasp. At the very edge of all the other feelings is also the sense of loneliness.

« Of course. The person who understands is a reality away. Somewhere else. A place where he has a version of me for him. »

She feels warm tears roll down the sides of her face. ]

...you really think he'll be able to handle it? He... you... I can't tell him things. He's not--[ « He's not ready. What if he's never ready? » ] He still sees the poster on the wall. He can't see the room without it. I can't tell him. No matter how much she insists I do...

[ A few shaking inhales and exhales leave her as she tries to calm herself. Not that it has the desired effect. Tears still roll down her face as everything from the previous night just rolls out of her.

Jesse forces herself to swallow the lump of emotions in her throat. ]

They're lucky to have you. [ Those quiet tones return despite the emotions in her voice. ] The me and Polaris you know. They're lucky.

If... if she's like me? She won't let you go. She'll keep fighting everything for you to stay. So... so that you don't end up taken away like Dylan. [ The tears are evident in her voice. Still, there is an assured air in her tone. She knows she wouldn't let go of someone who understands. ] Even if you don't think she is? She's lucky to have you.

[ An undertone of loneliness crepes into her voice. His Jesse may have never explained in words or depth how it was like to be on her own for so long. Unable to trust and believe in someone. Maybe that is a little evident in her tone now. ]

Edited 2024-01-25 18:01 (UTC)

[ It's not at all difficult for him to imagine that his words have struck a nerve or rung a bell. After all, he's used her trademark phrase for describing the way the world really is, whether or not people see it too. And most of them don't, which is why he's certain hearing him use her chosen words is bound to have caused her no small amount of feelings.

And as silly as it might seem, he's already resolved to try and keep reaching out to her again. She'll probably need his help and support as she goes down this road. There will most certainly come a time when her Alan can support her, but until then, he doesn't mind doing his part. ]

Honestly, yes, he will. It will be a lot for him to swallow, but he'll do it. Just try telling him, Jesse. Not everything right away, but just start talking to him. It'll work out, I know it will.

[ He puts as much warmth and encouragement into his voice as he possibly can, knowing that she needs it. ]

No, you know who's lucky to have them? Me. I wouldn't be where I am without you and Polaris. You both have helped save me. But I would be lying if I didn't tell you the truth. Right now, we're not together. She- she had to let me go in order for the story to work. In order for us to reach the end. We're still trying to reach the end, just not together right now. But the important thing is, she hasn't lost me. I haven't lost her.

[ And having said that, suddenly Alan really believes it. ]

[ Jesse hardly sees it as a matter if the Alan Wake she knows would be supportive or not. For her, it's more a matter if she should even open herself to that degree. It wouldn't matter if the Alan Wake she knew was a Saint or the asshole the media says he is. Trusting people is simply difficult--almost too difficult.

« His Jesse and Polaris are the lucky ones no matter if he's lucky too. They found someone to trust. Someone that believes them. The Alan we know... he hasn't said he doesn't... but that won't mean he will try to ignore the hole behind the poster when the Dark Presence is dealt with.

That's what everyone does.

Why would he be any different? He's famous, and we will have saved his wife by the end. If it'sa story? They should live happily ever after with the monster slain. I'm... just the side kick.

Why would he pick me over his wife? He shouldn't. They're not divorced. They have a chance... »

She presses her forehead to her knees again. Should she really tell him? ]

Okay.

[ « Why am I agreeing to this? »

A shake of her head that he can't see. ] I didn't mean like that... I meant...

[ A few more tears role down her face. She wishes it was as simple of being jealous or envious of her other self. She's happy for the Jesse this Alan seems to know. She's found someone to believe in. Jesse, on the other hand, simply feels she won't find that person or that place. Maybe that's for the best too. Even though she knows it's not, otherwise the idea of her Alan leaving wouldn't upset her so much. ]

She hasn't let you go even if you're somewhere else. [ Jesse hates how her voice is filled with emotions. How obvious it is that she's crying. ] She'll find you because we don't let go of what little we have... after Ordinary... and having someone in our world is too important to let go.

[ She manages to suppress the sound that wants to burst out from her. No, it's bad enough she's crying to a stranger on a telephone call. No breaking down.

« I don't want to go through this alone. I don't want to be alone anymore. But... they don't... »]

You're too important for her to let go.

[ Alan's mind is already off and running with ideas. Possibilities. He reached this version of Jesse. Maybe he can reach himself in this reality or timeline or whatever the hell it is too. It seems to him that he needs a nudge in the right direction, and who better to give it but him? He doesn't mean that to sound as arrogant as it probably sounds, but from where he's standing, this Jesse and this version of himself need a hand. He'll have to see what he can do about that.

There's a part of him that wishes he were physically present so that he could offer Jesse a hug, but that's impossible as there's a large gulf between them, and he can't cross over it to reach her. But he can at least put the idea out there. ]

If I was with you right now, you know what I'd do? I'd give you the biggest hug I could manage, because something tells me you need it.

[ She's different from the Jesse I know... not different in a bad way, but- she shows her emotions more. She's not as controlled yet. Maybe Jesse's too controlled. But it was a survival mechanism, wasn't it? She became like that because she needed to. And I think it's served her well, for the most part. It's not walling herself off just because; I've seen her let her walls down, so I know this part of her is still inside somewhere. ]

I know what you meant, and you're right. She hasn't let me go just because we're not in the same place right now. I can still feel her with me, and I hope she can feel me with her too.

[ He pauses, debating with himself about whether or not he should say what else is on his mind. He doesn't have anything to lose, other than upsetting her and acusing her to end the connection. Maybe it's not his place to say anything. ]

If I give you some... advice, I guess, and it's a little to the point, would you mind?

[ He doesn't want to dump this on her if she doesn't want to hear it. And he wouldn't blame her for not wanting to. In a way, it feels like overstepping on his part. ]

Either way, whatever you decide, you should know that I'm sure you're too important for him to let go of also.

[ Do they truly need a nudge? They've only known each other for a day and a half. Maybe this is all just in their heads. Some sort of echo or imprint from some other place trying to overlap onto them. Maybe it doesn't belong and that's why it all feels impossibly hard to even consider there could be more. It might just not be how their reality is meant to be.

That's wrong.

All of it feels wrong. Just like the rest of the world does. What feels right is Polaris, whats happening in Bright Falls and back in Ordinary, even talking with another version of Alan on the phone. They're all connected and feel connected. Jesse wouldn't phrase it as "soul mates" or something as corny as a romance novel. She would say there's some sort of strong connection. Some sort of gravitational pull that her defensive walls are trying to block.

« It has to be that. How else would another version of him call us...? »

Polaris shifts and perhaps even Alan can feel it over the call. ]

I'll be fine. I'm fine. [ She pauses to try and brush the tears off with her sleeve. ] ...thanks, though.

[ « It means a lot. »

Jesse swallows again. ] I'm not--he... we barely know each other. You can't be important to someone you just met.

[ « Can you? What if we are? » ]

What advice?

[ Maybe they don't. Maybe Alan's wrong. He doesn't think of himself as some all-knowing individual just because he's seen some things. He can't even be sure what the differences are in this timeline, other than the fact that Jesse and Alan have met much earlier than he and his Jesse did in their timeline.

But what he's gathered from listening to Jesse is that the version of himself here is still very much lost and trying to make sense of the insanity of a world with powerful otherworldly presences, and that's where he sort of feels he might be able to help. Well, that and he can't shake the feeling that Alan and Jesse need each other and can help each other. ]

I know you will. [ He smiles, and he hopes the tone carries over into his words. ] You're tough, but I still wish I could be there in person to encourage you myself.

About that- you can be important if there's the right connection. And maybe I'm wrong, but I think you two have that connection.

[ At the last minute, he decides to offer a different kind of advice. ]

I know you don't know him well yet, but- my advice is, just give him a chance. Try telling him something about what you know, and see what he does.

[ Alan himself was very lost in his time in Bright Falls. Neither Jesse would know it. He had no guiding star or need for it, as the road map of "Departure" was clear enough. However, Alan and Alice were still married and attempting to work through their issues. This Alan and Alice have seemingly agreed to part ways, but, there is still love between them. That fact alone may be making it as complicated as it is.

His smile comes through but it makes her feel an odd sense of longing. Not that she would say she misses this Alan or is even in love with him. More just another realization of how lonely and cut off from others she's become. ]

You're doing enough.

[ She quiets for a moment before raising her head slightly. Her nose presses into her knees. ] What should I tell him?

[ Perhaps they're both lost in their own way. Alan is still trying to find his way home even though the story part of things might have ended, but he's still not out. Maybe he never will be, although that's a possibility he doesn't like to think about.

As for Alice, even now it still remains complicated for Alan. He imagines it's just as complicated for this other version of himself. ]

Am I? It never feels like I am. But never mind- what you should tell him... There's a few things you could say. You could tell him about yourself, about your friend... Maybe let him in and he'll let you in.

Talking and listening is more than enough.

[ « No one listens to me when I do. I know... I know the Alan Wake here said he listened. Listening and believing are different. I don't know how much he really believes in it. He may just... go back after all this. Despite what the Alan on the phone says. »

She shakes her head lightly at herself. Going in circles mentally in her mind won't do anything. What else can she do? She and Polaris can't stop or beat whatever this story is. They're not the main characters. It all revolves around Alan and the Dark Presence. ]

I... parts about Ordinary slipped out. [ She curls up slightly. ] I don't--I'm not sure how much he actually believed it. I know he said he does. But... people always say things.

You know, I've heard that before, or something similar to it. I think the you from my timeline said something like that to me once. [ Again, a smile is clear in his voice, but at the same time, he wonders if maybe he should talk less about his experiences in case it makes her feel bad. ]

Well, that's a start. And for what it's worth, I'm a lot of things. Sometimes a jerk, but mostly an asshole. But I don't just say things. I say what I mean, most of the time. I don't think I could do anything different in any timeline.

And, depending on just how many crazy things he's seen already, I'm betting his threshold for crazy is starting to develop. It might take time, but he'll probably become more open to things that the people who still see a poster on the wall label as crazy. I know that's how it went for me.

She's me, right? We're going to think the same things. Say them if... we think it's worth saying. [ Her eyes close for a moment. ] You--neither of you--really know what it's like. You shouldn't. No one else should have to go through what we did. She'll do anything to make sure you don't feel the way she did. That I do.

[ Her chin rests on her knees as her posture relaxes somewhat while talking to him. It really would be easier if she could be jealous of herself. Instead, that feeling of longing just builds inside her. Polaris shifts around her to try and be of some comfort, but, it does very little to help. ]

"Most of the time"? [ The faintest hint of teasing is in her own voice. Something that should be familiar to the Alan on the phone.

Jesse glances to the side before biting on her lip. ] When... when you get back to her. From, wherever you are, are you--

[ Click.

Jesse sits there as the familiar sound of a line being cut echoes through the handheld of the phone. Her mind doesn't even think of the possibility that Alan purposely cut the line. Why would he? Nothing in their conversation would imply it. Something else interfered. Maybe the distance of the call, maybe because she's not his Jesse.

Maybe because she has yet to become the receiver her future self is. Not that she would know that.

All that her mind focuses on is the near consuming loneliness that settles in on her instantly. The remembering of where she is, why she's there, and the fact the man on the phone is realities away most likely. She wasn't even the one he meant to call. ]

--Alan?

[ There's no response.

She slowly pulls the phone away from her ear and stares down at it. A fresh wave of tears roll down her cheeks before she reaches up and sets the phone back where it belongs. She blinks a few times, brushing off her cheeks with the palms of her hands. A whimper finally makes its way out before she forces the emotions back inside. Deep where no one can see them.

Then, Jesse curls back up and closes her eyes. Forehead rests on her arms. At least a few hours of sleep well help while the Alan Wake she knows is waiting for the kidnapper.

Somewhere else, a very dark place, Polaris brushes the mind of the Writer. A reassuring gesture. The younger Faden will be alright in the end.

The day stretches on. The time the kidnapper had said to meet comes, goes, then passes along into the early hours of the evening.

A no show.

Jesse is startled awake by a large crash. Something falling and hitting another thing. She immediately stands up from the hiding place she had taken in the desk and looks around. The car they used to get here is still there, but there's no sign of anyone else. She frowns, brushing at her face again one more time before making her way out of the museum portion of the mine. Green eyes move up towards the second floor where Alan had disappeared that morning.

The door opens and Alan steps out with the backpack she had given him that has the manuscript pages.

There's no sign of the kidnapper.

Her head tilts slightly as she waits by the car for him. ]

[ Alan just makes a humming kind of sound by way of agreeing with her. She's right, of course. At the center of it all, both Jesses are the same, at least when it comes to how they express themselves and when. ]

You're right, I don't know. And I feel the same way that I did when I told my Jesse about how I felt. You shouldn't have had to go through that, especially not at that age. At any age, that's terrible. But- [ He really hates thinking of a kid going through something that big and that difficult on their own. An adult probably wouldn't have handled it any better. Alan knows he really didn't, and he didn't even lose his entire family. ]

Yeah, most of the time. [ He's not perfect, and he tells white lies like everyone else. But there's some things that just have to be said, sometimes too bluntly. ]

Am I w- [ He doesn't get to finish that question, as on his end of the call, nothing but static can be heard, drowning out Jesse's voice. ]

Jesse? Jesse, I- Shit. [ That wasn't how he wanted the call to end, but it seems that something decided that's just how it's going to be. In the Writer's Room, Alan just flops back into the chair and sits there quietly for a moment. Maybe he'll try again. Maybe he won't. It'll probably always end the same way, but that's not going to stop him from trying. It just won't be right away.

He sits there in silence until he feels that brush against his mind, that feeling that he knows so well. And then, after a second, he smiles. It's not much, but it's enough.

Meanwhile, the Alan from this reality isn't smiling at all. The kidnapper didn't show, and the meeting that Alan and Jesse came all this way for was a bust. He doesn't look happy, frustration clear on his face, as he stomps his way over to Jesse. Back to square one.

When he reaches the car, he tries to force some of the frustration off his face. It's not her fault this didn't go how he wanted. ]

Hey. Sorry I made you wait. Are- [ She looks like she's had it rough. Maybe there's traces of tears or something that tips Alan off. ] Are you okay?

[ Jesse's attention fully focuses on Alan as he approaches her. There is a look of amusement in her eyes at how he's stomping around. Not that she blames him. She'd be just as angry as he is. This kidnapper--well, story--is pulling him from one place to another.

At his question she raises her hand and rubs at her cheeks again with her sleeve.

« Shit, he wasn't supposed to notice. » ]

Y-yeah. I'm just... working through it. [ She knows it's not the entire truth. But, she doubts he'd react well to knowing she was talking to another version of him on the phone from the future. That might be asking too much of him to understand.

She glances up at the sky that threatens to end in a sunset. ] So... now what do we do? Maybe the pages sa--

[ She's cut off by a ringing. Her heart beats for a moment, but realizes there'd be no reason or probably way that the Alan on the phone would be calling again. Especially since it's Alan's phone that's ringing.

Jesse gently takes the backpack from him so he can answer the call. She shifts her weight side to side before leaning back against the truck. ]

Wake! [ An unknown voice to Jesse can be heard over the phone. Alan would recongize it as the kidnapper. ] Change of plans. You know where Mirror Peak is? The big mountain north of where you are. You follow the path from the mine and you can't miss it. There's a look out point there. I'll be waiting.

[ Jesse frowns with her eyebrows knitting.

« What is this, a goose chase? » ]

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