synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

I don't mean realistic like that. I mean that I can't go around with my head in the clouds when there's things I need to be doing here. [ Because nothing about this is realistic. It's unbelievable and feels like something from a horror movie; at the very least, it's a horror story that they're being forcd to follow. Well, he is, because he's at the center of it. ]

I'd ask if the feeling of being completely boggled by all of it ever goes away, but I'm guessing that's a no. Maybe you just become resigned to it.

[ He shakes his head. It's not that he doesn't like the idea of eventually becoming resigned to all this insanity. It's just hard for him to imagine. ]

Yeah. That's kind of my goal here... figuring out how to take it back and stop all this. Not stop everything, just- the story. [ He doesn't want to stop them. He doesn't want to let go of her. Maybe whenever he figures out how to end this, he can go with her to help her figure out where her brother is and how to g et him back. At least then they'd be together a little longer.

He sees that flash of fear in her eyes, and while it's not exactly reflected in his own, there's a reluctance to let go of her. He feels a need to keep her around, to stay with her. But will the story let him? That's the question he can't answer. ]

What would you say if I... stuck around, after this? [ He figures she'll pick up on what "this" he means. ]

Edited 2024-02-17 20:15 (UTC)

Not being able to be a dreamer all the time. It makes sense. [ « Something tells me that Alan could never be a dreamer like that. There's something that anchors him down... or, drags him down, I guess. It seems like there's always something in his mind. » ] I've... never felt bogged down by it all. Not like you mean. I think. It's just how my world is. It's sort of hard to think of it any other way given... things.

[ « Namely you. »

Polaris shifts in agreement.

Jesse would argue that maybe they could make the story do as they want. Work with it to a point, then force it to answer to them. They can't be powerless. Something in it has to work in at least Alan's favor. He wrote it... didn't he?

Jesse nods. ] I... it would give me a reason to stay here. In Bright Falls, I mean. I would just go where my friend said to otherwise.

People think writers are just dreamers, and maybe we are, sometimes. But there's a time and place for everything, isn't there? This seems like a time to be serious about getting whatever the hell done that needs to be done. And, well, maybe the world's just like that: the way you see it. Other people don't see it, and maybe that's good for them. Cause maybe they can't handle it.

[ Alan doesn't even know if he can handle it, and he's only just started getting his feet wet.

And he lacks the confidence Jesse seems to have. He's not sure if he could force the story to do what they want. Maybe Jesse could, but he's not sure he can. Sure, he wrote it, but he doesn't remember it. Doesn't remember what's at his disposal to fight back. ]

Hell, we wouldn't even have to stay here unless you wanted to.

[ She pauses as he says what he does. Her expression falls, but from surprise. He just says things that she never expects. Things that should be words or phrases only she really knows. It makes her feel that maybe he could be in the room without the poster. That maybe he would understand Polaris.

But, she still hesitates.

« What if he can't handle it? » ]

Would... you want to see it? The world the way it really is.

[ Her hands squeeze into his jacket as if to further ask him. If not, she can let go. They'll finish the story and she won't bring him further into the bigger world. He could go back to his life before hand. ]

I don't... really have a home. Anywhere is fine.

[ He pauses when he sees the look on her face. She looks surprised, but he wonders if there's something else behind it. He didn't think anything that he'd just said was that surprising, but it must have struck a chord with her somehow. ]

Honestly? You'll think I'm crazy, but- [ He shrugs. ] I think part of me always knew there was something out there, lurking around where it couldn't be seen. I knew I wasn't just some little kid who was scared of the dark. So... yeah. I want to see it.

[ And maybe he'll regret it. But maybe he won't. Maybe he doesn't want to live with his eyes closed anymore. He leans more into her touch as her hands squeeze his jacket as if to say he wants this. He's not pulling away. ]

Well, would you like to live in a big city or a small town?

[ « A kid afraid of the dark? I mean, that's normal. Everyone is at first. Maybe the dark isn't the same dark? It's not just the lights being off. Could... could he have some sort of connection to this like I have to you? »

Jesse looks to the side as Polaris shifts. Her gaze drifts from one thing to another. The wheels are clearly turning in her mind as Polaris communicates back and forth. She figures one day he'll realize she isn't just looking away from him.

« Because he's an artist? I don't understand. »

Jesse glances back up at him. Would he really understand Polaris? Would he want to meet her? ]

So, this is just confirmation for you then. That something is in the dark. [ « Something bigger than life that wants him. » ] Now you know that light banishes it away.

[ She gives him a fond smile. There's always an opposite... some sort of balance. Light and Dark.

Her forehead rests against his even as he leans into her hands. ] I... don't really have a preference. I never thought about it before. It's just been moving around. Special places if my friend tells me to go there, like with Bright Falls.

[ She feels that tug on reality again. The story almost clamping around her ankles to make her move. Alan can most likely feel it too on some level. Maybe not realizing that's what the feeling is.

Jesse would be lying if she said she wasn't afraid when the story takes back over. It's not that Alan changes as a person, but, she can tell when the story is blinding him. How it makes him make choices and decisions that she thinks he wouldn't normally do. Things she says can go straight over his head because the story doesn't allow him to hear it. That's just what she's seen in the last day or so.

« If I move, it's going to pull him back into it. Convince him his wife is kidnapped and send all those Taken things after him again. I... I like him like this; being himself. Not being controlled by the story or its flow. »

Her hands curl to the point they shake and the knuckles turn white. ]

It's getting dark again.

[ Alan watches her, part of him wondering where she goes when her gaze seems to shift away to the side or simply away from him. He figures she's just thinking, pondering things over; he's been known to do the same, after all. ]

Confirmation, yeah. Proof that I was right to be afraid of the dark. Maybe monsters aren't lurking in the dark all the time, but there are monsters. [ He smiles at her statement about how he's learned the role light plays in banishing the darkness. For just a moment, he looks relaxed. Unbothered. Maybe even untroubled. But it won't last, because the story isn't finished. For now, though, it's a reprieve, and Alan's grateful for it. ]

Maybe we'll just do some traveling to both cities and small towns. We'll see a little bit of everything. Or if your friend tells you to go somewhere, I'll go with you. As long as you want me around, anyway.

[ He feels something begin to tug at him too now, something trying to pull him away from these idle moments and push him back towards the story. He stubbornly tries to resist. He's not ready yet. ]

Yeah, it is. [ He knows a little more now about what happens when it gets dark, but he wants to push back against that. ] What if we found a place to stay in for awhile? The car, or a cabin... [ It's not a foolproof plan. The story could find ways to reach them in any location. ] We could talk more, and try to figure out what we're going to do next. Or we don't even have to do that. We could just talk... about ourselves.

[ It's his way of saying he wants to learn more about her, if she's willing to share more with him. ]

[ Maybe by the end of all this she will tell him about Polaris. Her friend keeps pressing for her to do so, and even the other Alan encouraged her. It's just, when she looks into his eyes, she can tell he isn't ready. He couldn't conceive that their would be an entity like the Dark Presence that could care to be benevolent or work with humans. ]

Sometimes that's all you need. Conformation that you're not crazy. Even if the rest of the world tells you that you are. [ She figures he has caught onto the little ways she is telling him things about herself. Even if it's just continually adding context to it. ] I'd like that. Just... traveling to travel with someone.

I think she'd enjoy it. My friend, I mean. [ Jesse feels herself curl up defensively. Everyone has ever told her Polaris is imaginary. What if he thinks the same thing? ] She's... intuitive. She knew where your manuscript pages would be.

[ Jesse's attention focuses back on him. Her heart beats fast once more. The story is forgotten again. Her hands curl in his jacket and she leans into him. ]

We can find a cabin or a room in the morning. Have breakfast. [ She leans into him again, weight rocking onto the balls of her feet. ] I... I can tell you about what happened--in Ordinary. All of the details. A-and introduce you to my friend. Maybe we can decide where to go.

[ There eyes drift down to his lips once more. Then, back to to his eyes. She leans up just enough to kiss him once more. ]

Edited 2024-02-22 10:16 (UTC)

[ It's highly possible that Alan is simply not ready. In many ways, no one could ever really be prepared for encountering the weirdness and strangeness that the world actually contains. Alan certainly wasn't, before all this started. He wouldn't even go as far as to say his eyes have been opened to the weirdness, but he's starting to see that it's not always everything that meets the eye. ]

Yeah, I guess. I know some people spend their whole lives looking for that confirmation, and sometimes they never find it. I guess we got lucky, sort of. If having confirmation that everything you thought was out there actually is out there can be lucky. But you know what I mean, right? [ They're not crazy. They just got unarguable proof that there's more out there than people think there is. ]

Well, then, that's what we'll do. You and me and- your friend. [ He's not quite sure what this friend is yet, but he's getting the sense that she's more than just an average friend, and that makes him curious. ] About your friend, though. Can I ask how she knew? Is she psychic or something?

That sounds great, actually. Finding somewhere to hole up and just- regroup. Figure things out, as much as we can, anyway. And I'd like that too, to learn more about you and your friend and get to know both of you better.

[ Somehow, Alan just knows he wants these two as allies, for as long as they'll stick around. He leans in to meet her halfway, and then she kisses him again and electricity pulses up his spine. His reaction is immediate, and he returns the kiss, pressing in as deeply as he can manage. ]

[ Jesse may not have been ready herself. Or, maybe, in the end she really was. The weird way the world really is ended up being an escape from parents who neglected her and her brother. Not that she ever wanted her parents to disappear or anyone else to end up that way. She just wanted then to listen to her for once. Understand her. Believe her.

Care. ]

Yeah. I know what you mean. [ Jesse nods slightly.

« Now, it's just believing he really does understand. » ] She's... sort of. I guess. Would you really buy that she is psychic?

[ Somehow she imagines he'd have a harder time accepting anything like that. Entities is one thing, but, powers that are found in comic books? Alan has to draw a line somewhere. ]

Okay. That's the plan. [ She leans in a little more and lets that pull guide her. ] I think there's a motel outside the town limits. Maybe the FBI won't look there.

[ He kisses her deeply and she melts entirely against him. Her hands slip underneath his tweed jacket, hands curl into the hoodie. A content sigh leaves her. She wishes she was more skilled at this--it must feel ridiculous to kiss her. ]

Sorry, I'm sure I sound- well. Off my rocker. Maybe I am, but I still have this feeling that this is real. I know what I've seen, and it's not just more of "Alan Wake and his too vivid imagination". I know my imagination goes off the rails sometimes, but I can't close my eyes and wave all this away. And hey, psychics exist. Not the ones going "ohmmmm" in sketchy buildings, but I think there really are genuine psychics.

[ What he can't figure out is just who this friend is. He doesn't think she's a person like him and Jesse, but somehow, he knows that doesn't make her any less real. Jesse certainly knows she's real, and he's inclined to believe her. ]

She's pointing the way for you, isn't she? She has been for a long time.

[ He nods in agreement and when she melts against him, one hand goes right to her hair, fingers twining carefully in the strands. He keeps them there for about a minute, and then his hand begins to move, stroking her red locks. It doesn't feel ridiculous to kiss her or to touch her, and speaking of kisses, he presses another one against her mouth again. ]

It is real. [ Her answer is immediate and assured. She understands what it is like to have people tell her what she experienced wasn't real. That she made it all up in her mind in order to cope with the "industrial accident." Jesse would tell him all about it at that moment if she could. The words won't come out, and she's still terrified he might reject it all once she goes into details. ] I thought you would be more skeptic about things like that.

[ She nods, slowly, almost hesitantly. Defensively. ] She has. Yeah. Since... what happened in Ordinary.

[ Jesse sighs contently against his lips the moment his fingers entwine in her hair. It may be the least guarded notion she has done since they've met. Her head tilts into his hand and she kisses him the moment he presses to hers again. Fingers curl further into the hoodie under his jacket. She presses against him, fully needing his hold to keep her upright.

« Why does this feel this way? I don't--I don't understand. Do I have to understand? I think I should. Does he... or have we just decided it doesn't matter? »

She can feel the shift in reality again. It demands to be paid attention to. So much so that it feels as if it's clawing into her ankles and trying to physically pull her away from him. Nothing truly is, but, she can feel it in her mind in a way. The story has to be fulfilled because it's been written. She can't alter it. Something will happen to make Alan go to Mirror Peak. ]

I- [ He pauses because he's not sure how to explain it. His world view does lean more towards the skeptic's side of things, but there's just some things that can't really be explained. ] I tend to see the world as black and white, or I did, but- I'm not going to suddenly decide to become a mystic or guru or anything, but I know that there's things out there. Forces. Unexplained events. Would I like to just pretend there's nothing out there, that the world is exactly as it appears? Sure.

[ He just shrugs. He's slowly realizing he can't just put his fingers in his ears and close his eyes and pretend.

He does, however, want to just pretend that these moments with Jesse won't be something brief, a flash in the pan. He might not be officially divorced, but he can't pretend he doesn't have an attachment to her already.

It doesn't go unnoticed, how she sighs against his lips, and how it's the most open she's been with him so far. Could we really have this? Could we make this work? I want it to work. I want to stay with her.

But he can also feel the way reality or the story or whatever the hell it is tugs at him. Go away. Just a little longer. Let us have this before you drag us into whatever you're doing.

He feels the way she presses herself against him, and he instantly leans in a little to give her the support she seems to be asking for. His fingers curl further into his hair and his lips crash against hers once more as his desire for her only grows.

When they both have to come up for air, he mumbles almost reluctantly, because he doesn't want this to end. ] You feel it too, don't you? That pull to get moving.

[ It's not the kind of movement that he wants. The last thing he wants is to move the way the story demands. ]

[ The idea of a mystic guru that was once the famous author Alan Wake is something that would be rather amusing to see. It would be so opposite of who he is. He seems pragmatic even with the awareness of otherworldly forces. Something keeps him grounded and in check despite it all.

There's a determination in him that's uniquely Alan Wake. Something she finds herself drawn to outside of that gravitational pull. She hardly lacks conviction or her own idea of what's real and what's not. Yet, something about how while he is scared out of his mind, he keeps pushing forward. ]

It'd be easier to go back to the way things were before Bright Falls... I think. I mean, for you.

[ If he ever did, she knows theu couldn't be together like this. She couldn't drag him further into this world.

Fingers twining in her hair makes her sigh against his mouth once more. She has already entirely relaxed in his hold, eyes fluttering shut. Her mouth moves against his once more as he kisses her again. The feeling is as if she's floating on air. He could sink her down to the ground or move her against the wall and she wouldn't protest. She feels she needs the extra support so she can keep feeling the way she does. It's like nothing she's ever felt before.

« I like this... being witn someone like this. » ]

It's the story. [ She remains pressed entirely against him and her lips inches from his. ] Tugging me in a direction I don't want to go.

[ « We have to, don't we? » ]

[ Is it being pragmatic or is it just being too stubborn to wholly let go of the idea that the world is only black and white? Maybe it's a bit of both. Maybe even Alan doesn't know. And maybe one day, he won't be so grounded anymore. Or at least the pretense of being grounded might one day fade. Who knows, really.

And again, is it determination or stubbornness? Maybe Alan should just slow down and not be so stubborn about pushing ahead. But to him, not pushing ahead feels too much like giving up, and he's not about to do that. ]

Really, you think so? I don't know if it would be easier. I don't actually know much of anything right now, except.. Except, well, I- I know I care about you, even though we just met.

[ He keeps touching her hair, but then he pauses. ] Is there somewhere that you... well, that you like having touched? [ He could let his hands wander and explore, and a part of him still wants to do that, but he figures he'll ask first. ]

I don't want to go either. I know, I don't have a choice. Alice... Alice is in danger too, and I can't just leave her, knowing that, but...

[ He feels like he's being pulled in two different directions, and only one of them is the one he wants. ]

At least let us stay like this for a little while longer.

[ It's said to her, but it also could be said to the story, or whoever's behind the story. ]

I don't want to let this go. What if we just- left? [ He knows it's not an option, and it contradicts what he said earlier, but he can't help this moment of selfishness. ]

[ His ability to be grounded might be the one thing that keeps him centered in all this. It could be the one thing that gets them through it. Polaris helps, and Jesse would never diminish her friend's place in it, but something about Alan's determination is what makes a path seem clear in all of it. The story has a certain way it must be done... but how much of that is because Alan is forcing the story's hand in the end? ]

You couldn't pretend this was all bad dream? That life doesn't change after it? [ Her questions are inquisitory not ones from accusations or cross-examination. ]

I... [ Jesse trails off once he makes his statement of caring for her. Green eyes open slightly to immediately catch onto his gray ones. A look of embarrassment crosses her gaze. Clearly, she isn't used to the idea or used to hearing things of that nature. Her hands curl into his hoodie as if to squeeze in return. ] I--I'm not sure. I mean, this... I don't... people don't get this close to me.

[ « I haven't trusted someone like this to let them this far. He'll figure that out. Won't he? »

He's already made her weak at the knees, only being held up because his arms are around her. Green eyes drift shut again once he continues to play with her hair. Her body signals she enjoys the notion.

Jesse kisses him once more, trying to explain the passion she feels welling up inside her. The desire and want for him. None of it makes sense, but she still wants it. A pull that drives her to want to touch his skin and let him strip her of walls and fabric. It's not a good idea when they've just met. Not out in the open. ]

We can't leave. You can't leave her here--if she really is here. [ The words are gentle and soft. She parts her lips to gently pull his bottom lip between hers. Then, she kisses his chin, gently brushing her lips against his jaw before pressing to the side of his head. A shaking exhale leaves her and she swallows the emotion and reaction bubbling inside her. ] You'll always regret leaving her here. Letting whatever is happening here change everything. We need to stop it.

We'll find the Motel room. Breakfast, talking and... more of this. I'll find a way to make it happen.

[ Truthfully, Alan feels the exact opposite of grounded at the moment. Well, doing something as normal yet still exhilarating as touching and kissing Jesse is giving him something to focus on. Maybe by focusing his attentions on someone else, it helps him feel less like he's drifting in the wind... or the waves. But lest Jesse think he's only using her for personal gain, that's not at all how Alan's viewing this. He feels an attachment, a pull, something that's stirring up a feeling that he needs to make this good for both of them. It's not a fling, not the acting out of an almost divorced man.

It's real. ]

I've had bad dreams, and those... well, they were nothing compared to this. And something tells me I haven't even really seen anything yet. I don't think I could just write this off as a nightmare. [ He doesn't take her questions as prying or as accusations, because he's had his share of those and he knows how to recognize that tone: that tone that's missing from Jesse's words. ]

Well, I'm getting close to you, but if this is uncomfortable or you don't like it or just need space, I'll back off. [ He has moments of being an asshole, but he's not really about forcing himself on someone who either doesn't want it or needs the space to breathe.

But it looks to him that she is enjoying his touches and being held, so for now, he doesn't pull back. Truthfully, he wants to keep going, to show her how he feels, to dispel any doubts she might have, if any at all. She kisses him and he instantly returns the gesture by pressing his lips deeply against hers, and when he pulls back just a fraction, tracing the outline of her lips with his tongue. Maybe it's too bold of a gesture but it feels right. ]

I know I can't. We might be having problems, but I- I can't just leave her. [ There's still a small part of him that's still in love with her, but the writing's on the wall, as far as he can tell. They're two very different people, and even though he'd try for reconciliation, he's not sure it would do either of them any good. ] I have to save her, and then... and then she can go after the life she wants, however that ends up looking for her.

[ Maybe he could start a new life with Jesse, if she wanted to let him in. Of course, Alan has no expectations about that; maybe to Jesse, this is just something temporary. Something to distract herself for a little while before she focuses back on reality: a reality that doesn't include a somewhat famous author. ]

We'll both make it happen. [ Alan's tone sounds suddenly resolute, and he gives a firm nod. ]

When did you want to leave? [ Alan feels a nudge then, as if telling him that whether they walk or drive to their next destination, he wants to do it holding her hand, even if he has to drive one-handed. ]

[ The how is what Jesse finds herself struggling with. The feeling of being near him, and being like this, is as real as Polaris is. Just... how it started with a touch of his hand to where they are now is a mystery to her. Things can't happen like this for people--can they? It's almost storybook or movie like in how it's all progressed. If it was the story, then, why would she feel the tug to get moving? This is happening outside the story.

Why?

She nods slowly to his responses. Nightmares are easy to tell to the waking reality around them. ] It's different from what happened in Ordinary. I don't really know what can happen here. Or what's happening. Minus the fact this Dark Presence is after you.

[ Jesse let's a gentle moan out from his kiss and tracing her lips. Her breathing quickens. She feels her heart pounds. She doesn't want whatever it is to end. She wants the pace to keep going. While she struggles with how it all started? The feeling is one she knows she wants to keep hold of. ]

Then, we should go. [ Words say one thing, tone says the other. The determination he gives makes her eyes open and focus only on him.

What she wants is obvious--him. Someone who understands. Like this. More than this. Jesse has to swallow the lump of emotions and arousal building in her throat. Even as her gaze drops back to his lips.

Polaris tugs at her mind. They need to go. Jesse can feel her shimmer in the distance. Her friend, always guiding the way.

Her eyes close and forehead presses to his again as she feels the moment slip through her fingers. ]

Don't let go of me. No matter what.

I don't know any more than you do about any of this. Actually, I think you do know more, because of Ordinary.

[ It sounds stupid to him, but maybe this is his Ordinary. Or something like that.

He knows they need to go, but he really doesn't want to. He just wants to hold her and kiss her and explore her and be explored in return. ]

I don't want to go, but as long as you're here, I don't mind. [ Because it's being with her that he wants.

If what she wants is obvious, then what he wants should also be obvious. A sigh escapes him when she presses her forehead against his. He wants to stay like this. He doesn't want to leave, doesn't want to go back out there and face whatever's there waiting for them. ]

I won't. I won't let go. And don't let go of me either.

[ That pull on him only grows and he really should just move and take a step towards the next thing, but he's not ready. He stays where he is with his forehead against hers, but he opens his eyes so he can take her in and memorize her. ]

Edited 2024-03-04 04:47 (UTC)

I know... what happened in Ordinary. That's... I'm pretty sure this is nothing like that. We didn't have a story telling us what to do, or what way to go. Maybe we could of avoided things if we did.

[ A ghost of a smile touches her lips at his sigh. Her hands uncurl from his jacket. They move up to his shoulders, then down his arms, and slide into his. She doesn't want to leave either. They have to. ]

I won't.

[ « He won't disappear. Not like Dylan. Mom, Dad. Everyone else that did. I won't let him. »

She rolls her weight back onto her feet and finds herself weak at the knees. Her fingers slide between his, gently pulling him with her so they are hardly apart. Green eyes latch back onto his gray ones. The path to Mirror's Peek shouldn't take long. How dangerous it will be is dependent on the Dark Presence arriving or not. ]

I have the flashlight in my bag. And the manuscript pages still.

Edited 2024-03-04 11:10 (UTC)

Is the story really helping that much? Am I even doing anything to move it along? [ He glowers in frustration but it's not at all with her. He feels like he barely knows what he's doing, that the story's just going along and dragging him with it.

If not for Jesse being here, he knows he would be a lot more frustrated than he is already. She's helping him think about something other than the story and giving him someone else to focus on besides his problems.

Her hands moving up his shoulders and back down his arms before coming to a stop by sliding into his own hands makes him shiver. He offers a faint smile in return, and even though it's a small one, it still makes his eyes soften. ]

I shouldn't say that you're all I have, but- well... [ He has Barry, his best friend, but now it seems he has her... someone who could be a lot more than a friend, maybe. He wants her to be a lot more.

He doesn't resist when she pulls him with her until there's no space between them. ]

Good, so we're all set. Well, as far as we know. For what it's worth, I'm- I'm glad that I came to talk to you.

( continued episode 4: the truth )

Edited 2024-03-06 00:56 (UTC)

oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

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