synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

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* verse: oceanview into the dark

oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

a different path,
the same road.

When I thought that I fought this war alone
You were there by my side on the frontline
When I thought that I fought without a cause
You gave me a reason to try CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jesse's small smile stays in place as he looks at her. That determination and motivation to move forward despite the fear. It must be what attracted the version of herself the other Alan knows. Simply because it's what she finds so attractive at the moment.

That and Alan Wake is just a very attractive man in general.

She has no idea what truly endeared her other self to Alan. Perhaps she will understand when she feels she can let down all her walls and let him in. ]

Then, we'll figure it out. Hitting your head probably isn't going to help. [ Jesse smile widens slightly. ] There has to be a reason you can't remember. We'll figure it out.

[ Her smile only falters when he pauses. His fingers slide between hers and something clicks. Almost like a puzzle piece sliding into place. Her hand immediately tightens around his and her green eyes lock onto his gray ones for the first time since they've met.

That gravitational pull intensifies. Something inside her wants to pull closer. She doesn't quite understand it, but the phrase grow brighter comes to mind. She simply dismisses the idea for now and tightens her hold on his hand. ]

I'm fine to hike. [ A small smirk. ] Are you, Alan?

[ That's one of the weird things about Alan. He just thinks of himself as another guy; a well-known writer, sure. And he knows he has his fans, groupies, and other things like that, but he still just thinks of himself as someone who wanted to write. Outwardly, he might act like he has the confidence and swagger of famous individuals that women fawn over, but inwardly, he's more complicated.

He attracted Alice at one point, but that was before their marriage hit the rocks. Maybe he just fooled himself into thinking he was attractive. ]

Yeah. General rule of thumb: try not to hit your head on anything. [ He purposefully plays up the deadpan tone in an attempt to be humorous. Whether or not it works remains to be seen. ] Amnesia isn't fun.

[ He's feeling a similar pull towards her even though he barely understands why. She pulls him in, makes him want to stick with her, not letting her go. Why? He doesn't know. She's important somehow, and some instinct is telling him that it's in his best interests to stay with her as long as he can. Maybe even past that. ]

I'm good to go. [ I know I'm not a hiker. I'm not an outdoors guy. But I don't have a choice, I have to handle this. I can handle this. ] Why, you think I'm not?

[ Wait a second... When did she...? ]

When did you start calling me Alan? I'm just curious. [ And he tries his best to make his tone sound curious, not accusatory or anything but pleasantly surprised. ]

Edited 2024-02-04 07:19 (UTC)

[ If he ever asked--not that he would--she would say he is attractive. He's a normal person, and to someone like her? That's attractive. So much so she still can't fathom why he would even look at her.

« Crazy Jesse Faden. »

A huff of a laugh leaves her. ]

I'll keep the life advice in mind from the nior thriller writer. [ She smiles, but the expression is more in her eyes. ] Yeah. I don't think it would be.

You couldn't jog your way to the light without wheezing last night. [ She takes a half-step forward but stops when he asks his question. A pause is visible before turning to look at him. ] I'll stop. If it's not okay.

[ His name just slipped out naturally. It's not because of the conversation with the Alan on the phone. No, that can't be it. This is because of that feeling of the puzzle piece sliding into place. It just feels natural to hold his hand and to say his first name.

The half-step forward becomes the half-step towards him. Green eyes never leave his gray colored ones. Her heart feels like it's beating a million miles a minute. Following that pull would mean another step closer to him--right into his space and practically against him. She wants to... but she doesn't.

« What if it's not what he wants? » ]

Edited 2024-02-04 17:56 (UTC)

[ Why would he look at her? For him, it's easy. She's unlike anyone he's met before, and he wants to get to know her better. Obviously the timing is wrong for it, but a part of him still wants that coffee date with her: a date that's not a date, just a chance to talk to each other. ]

I know, life advice from me is something to take with a grain of salt, because... [ He waves his hand because he knows he doesn't really have much of his life together. ]

You just had to point that out, huh? But I don't have a choice, there's no driving up there, so I just have to deal with it.

[ He smiles at her, and it's a warm one. Genuine. ]

It's fine. I like it.

[ He can't explain where this gravitational pull is coming from or why it's so strong. Her green eyes pull him in and he doesn't want to resist.

Why do I feel complete with her? I barely know her, and she barely knows me.

And yet some force is compelling him to step closer to her too, to meet her in the middle. She's in his space and he's in hers and it doesn't feel wrong or strange in the least. In a way, it feels like a reunion, but that makes no sense to him either. Something inside him is resonating with her though, and that feeling of completion only grows stronger.

His hand slides around her waist but he doesn't pull her in, because he imagines she'll resist as soon as she feels his touch. ]

[ She has spent the majority of her life so far trying not to be noticed. After Ordinary. Any time someone does notice her either sets alarm bells off in her mind or confuses her as to why they'd notice her. Alan falls into the second category, but, it feels much more complicated than that.

The smirk stays on her face and she hopes he realizes she's trying to joke. Lighten the mood. ] I meant more because a writer versus someone who has spent as much time as she can going through life unnoticed.

[ « Not that being nineteen is a lot of time compared to him... » ]

Maybe pointing it out acts as motivation? Show the crazy girl she's wrong.

[ « It's not like others haven't before. »

She nods. ] Okay. Alan it is.

[ He steps into her space and Jesse feels as if time has just stopped all together. Her breath catches in her throat and her gaze keeps staring into his. That force inside her, from deep down, wants to push her to close what little gap there is. Except, she doesn't know what that force is. She doesn't know if she can trust it. Why is it there? Why is it insisting on going to Alan? Is that why Polaris told her to be here in Bright Falls?

Other than the fact that whatever is pursuing Alan--this Dark Presence--seems to be her enemy.

If Alan had been anyone else, she would have freezes and pulled away the moment she felt their arm around her. Alan Wake isn't just anyone else--even if she isn't sure what that means entirely. Other than he's someone special and the Alan on the phone insisted they had a connection.

« Is... this what he meant? The other Alan. »

She moves as if he did pull her close. She rests entirely into his space then, heart pounding, eyes searching his to try and see what he'll do next. Should she do something? She's inexperienced in all this. Why is she even thinking about it in terms of a relationship? They just met, he's still legally married and there to save his wife...

The pull doesn't seem to care much about the logic or rules. It wants to be closer, to make itself louder, be the only thing that's driving her in that moment. She doesn't give into it. Not yet.

« How can I trust it? » ]

[ Alan's finding himself caught between opening up more of himself to her in the sense of letting her see past the famous writer mask and assuming she doesn't want to see past said mask. Why would she, anyway? If not for that strange compelling force pushing him to get closer to her, he wouldn't have dared touch her like he did. He can't imagine why she'd ever be interested in knowing more about him. ]

Yeah, well, this writer hasn't seen as much of the world as you'd think, if that's what you're expecting. Not for lack of wanting to, of course, just- a lot of things got in the way.

[ He laughs and smirks a little, as if to indicate that he knows she's joking. He appreciates the attempt at lightening the mood. ]

If I had a fitness coach, they'd probably say the same thing. So, uh, here's to motivation? And for what it's worth, I don't think you're crazy, if I haven't said that before. If you are, well, then so am I, which means we should definitely stick together.

[ That pull is still tugging at him, and he's decided he's done resisting. It wants him to get closer to her, and whether or not it's wise, he's realized he wants that too. Maybe somehow, the two of them can help each other. They've gotten this far together, but maybe there's more to it than that.

They seem to share a common enemy, but is that all that they have in common? Alan really wants to find out more. As for what he'll do next, even he's not sure. He pulled her close because it felt right, but now what does he do? His eyes are still locked on hers, but he has no idea what he's supposed to do now.

Wait. Maybe what he's supposed to do is find out if she's feeling anything like what he's feeling. ]

Uh. This is going to sound crazy, but- Well, I'm crazy too, I guess. Did you feel something just now? Something unexpected?

[ They both seem unwilling to trust others, but, also searching for someone to trust. That could be simply her projecting. He may want to know nothing more about the weirdness of the world that she knows. Except, he invited her on a date. Sort of. Not really a date, but, Jesse finds herself hoping it would be a date. ]

I've only seen pieces of it. Like snap shots. I could show you them. [ She pauses. ] If you'd want to see them, I mean. You... you're probably going to go back home after this.

[ « Back to his wife. »

She laughs slightly at his next comments. She doesn't quite believe him at not being crazy. Rather, the notion he wouldn't think she isn't crazy. Everyone else thinks it. There's no reason he shouldn't as well. Even if he is apart of this insanity of an event.

A nod. Her jean jacket shifts against his arm. She isn't fully aware that she has leaned against him and slightly forward. Her free hand raises to rest on his elbow, only aware of it when she feels the elbow patch at the tip of her fingers. That want and need to further move closer to her is tugging at her, but she's still hesitating at the last moment.

« What if he doesn't want it? I don't really know what "it" even is. Whatever this connection is the other Alan talked about. Is it really this? » ]

Yeah. I do.

[ Even with trusting someone and letting them in, there's always strings attached. Conditions. Expectations. Alan's seen enough of that with his dabbles with fame. It's part and parcel of the whole process, but that doesn't mean he likes it. Maybe somehow, Jesse's less complicated. Maybe she doesn't come with as many strings. Alice didn't, not really, and he'd even go as far as to say she still doesn't, even with the divorce proceedings and all that that involves. ]

Yeah? You would? [ He can't help but smile and feel curious at the same time. ] I'd like to see them. I don't know what I'll be doing after this. [ I wish that I didn't have this insanity with the kidnapper and manuscript pages and whatever the hell is going on. I wish that we could just sit down for a cup of coffee and talk.

His reaction to her touching his arm and leaning in is immediate. His hand at her waist shifts to touch her back, and he gives an experimental pull, still expecting her to pull back. They're closer together now, and the thought enters his mind that he could kiss her. He wants to, he feels that attraction pulling him in, and he doesn't want to resist it. ]

I don't know what it is, but it doesn't feel bad. [ His face is in front of hers now, and he could close the gap between them if he wanted to, so why is he hesitating?

Is this really what I should be doing? ]

[ Her strings would be related to her past. Needing to find her brother. Struggling to let people in. She figures no one wants to deal with it. No one really has wanted to. Foster parents were understanding to a degree, but, it was obvious she never really fit in. Either the foster families refused to hear a word, or they overly compensated for trying to make her feel normal.

« People can't make me feel normal. I'm not normal. I talk to YOU all the time. Even when you don't answer. I know what my "normal" is. They can't accept it. No one has been able to. Why would he be the first? I don't understand. Why... »

Polaris shifts.

« I don't understand what you mean, Polaris. I don't understand any of this. Should I trust this feeling inside me? I don't even understand why I have it. You brought me here to deal with this enemy of yours--right? So, why, do I feel so drawn to him? Is it you? Are you the one drawn to him and I'm just here? »

Polaris shifts again.

Jesse knows. She just doesn't understand how it can be from herself. Why would it be? ]

It... it's not a lot of places. Foster homes in certain cities. That sort of thing. But, we could still visit them. [ She wants to show him how weird things are all over the world. It's how it really is. Not just here in Bright Falls or in Ordinary. ] Why wouldn't you go back home?

[ Jesse moves as he directs her. The hand on her back sends a shiver unexpectedly up her spine. Her heart skips a beat as he leans in, but doesn't move closer. A part of her feels so frustrated he won't move further. ]

I don't--I don't know either. [ Her eyes drop to his mouth for the briefest of seconds. Then, they are back to staring into his own. The gray that seems to shift almost like waves. ] It's not the story.

[ That much she can say with certainty. This pull doesn't come from somewhere external but internally. ]

Edited 2024-02-05 23:30 (UTC)

[ Her strings make sense, given her history, her background. Maybe Alan's make no sense at all. Maybe he shouldn't have issues with people who come with strings attached. Did Alice come with strings attached? Did she have an agenda? Alan's brow furrows as he tries to think briefly about what changed between them. Maybe they just grew apart. Maybe something about Jesse attracts him because she just thinks of herself as someone no one wants to deal with. Alan can't explain it because he barely understands it himself, but maybe he wants to deal with her, however that ends up looking.

His mind creates an image for him, an image of the two of them traveling together. Walking together. He can't tell where they are, but maybe the location isn't the point. Maybe the point is that they're together. He doesn't question the image, because, well, it's not the first time he's had one like it. Sometimes his mind just creates pictures of things, and he can't really explain where they come from. This one feels different, though. It's the first time in awhile that the image he's seen has someone in it who's still nearby.

But she's said something that causes him to pause. ]

... Foster homes? You were in foster homes because all the adults disappeared from your town. [ He remembers her telling him that when she told him about Ordinary, the town she came from. ] We don't have to visit them if you don't want to, if that's- well, unpleasant for you. [ The stories he's heard about foster homes and people who've been in them aren't always good. He doesn't want to be the reason she digs up old memories. ]

Well, Alice and I own an apartment together. I don't know who's going to end up with it.

[ Maybe he shouldn't be doing this. Maybe it's wrong of him. He's still legally married, and of course he's aware of that, but the attraction is too strong for him to resist. ]

If it's not the story, then... [ Is it her? Is it me? Both of us? Does she want this too? ]

Is this okay? With you, I mean.

[ She blinks once only because it seems he's far away for a moment. Her head tilts ever so slightly to the side. He hasn't gone away. It's more as if something has captured his attention in his mind. She wonders what it is. He's a writer, so, he must see plenty of creative things that he'd never share with others.

« Maybe one day he'd share with me... he shouldn't. He's married. »

Once he comes back to her, she nods slightly. ]

Yeah. A few of them. I... didn't stay in one place long. I don't stay in places long. [ There's no reason to stay and make roots. They'll find her like they found her and Dylan before. She has to find Dylan. She can't trust people to not tell the government. ] Some places are okay. Most of them are just... not worth seeing. Nothing that could inspire a big time writer.

[ She almost asks if he still lives with his wife. At the last moment she stops herself. It's none of her business. Alan's life with his wife isn't a place she belongs in. She shouldn't even be in this situation with him. Everything in her tells her otherwise.

As if to answer his question, she leans further into him. It may not be okay, but, it's still what she wants. ]

[ He returns to the present, but the images his mind conjured up are still lurking around at the edges of his awareness. Something about what he saw is telling him it's important. He better not forget it. ]

When you say a few of them, do you mean different towns? States? Both? [ She does kind of have the look of someone who gets around. He's just not sure how far she's come or how many places she's passed through. ]

Is it going to get people on your trail if you tell me where you've been? I'm only asking because I'm not really that well traveled, so... [ He trails off there, briefly thinking back to the small stack of travel magazines he stashed in one of his desk drawers. And then he huffs out a dry laugh. ]

Big time writer? That's not me. I'm no Stephen King or Dan Brown. Just because my books sell a lot doesn't mean that much. [ It does mean he gets to live a semi-comfortable life, but he wouldn't dare put himself on the same level as the greats of the writing world.

Honestly, he's not looking for much encouragement to take that last step. They're already so close to each other, faces just inches away, and that force that's pulling at him to just step over the threshold and connect with her seems to grow even stronger.

Well, here goes nothing. If she pushes me away or punches me, I guess that's my answer.

He leans in just a fraction more and his lips find hers, and for about five or ten seconds, he holds the kiss until he eventually pulls back. ]

[ A nod. ] Towns and states. I've... you know. Nowhere is really home. [ « Home implies that I feel like I can make somewhere a place I want to stay. There's been nowhere like that. No one to really want to be home with. That's fine. I have you and when I find Dylan? It'll be home. Whenever I find him. » ] What about you? Is there anywhere you want to go?

N-no. I don't think so. It's just most places aren't worth mentioning. [ Her eyes flick downwards briefly once more. ] Chicago. Different places in Maine. That's where Ordinary is.

[ Her head tilts again. ] Your books are famous. I wouldn't be surprised if they want to make them into movies like Stephen King's books. You don't need to be like the other writers. Just, you.

[ Jesse doesn't hesitate. Her lips press to his the moment he leans in. It feels like a bolt of lightening strikes her. She leans entirely against him, hand sliding from his just so she can wrap it around him. When he begins to pull away? She follows him to kiss him again.

That pull inside almost seems to be ablaze at the contact. Stronger even. She would be lying if she said she wasn't a little scared of it. Not that she feels it's dangerous or even consuming. She just doesn't know what it is or how to even control it. If she even can.

Things out of her control are what scares her the most. ]

Edited 2024-02-06 21:11 (UTC)

I get it, kind of. The city's where you go if you want to make it in business. It doesn't matter what kind of business, just anything that turns a profit. [ He pauses to glance around them, at the scenery nearby. There's still wilderness here, an untamed feeling, and Alan kind of likes that. ] It probably sounds weird, but I want to go to more places like this. [ He waves a hand at the area around them. ]

Somewhere with more trees and less skyscrapers. I know, I don't look like a big outdoor guy, but there's just something about a place like this.

[ You can actually breathe here. ]

Maine, huh? That's probably got some wilderness to it still. [ He looks like he wants to say something more about places to visit, but then it sinks in what she's just said. Not the part about turning his books into movies, the other part.

She can probably see the wheels turning in his mind as he tries to process her words. It's not every day that someone manages to render him speechless, but he's pretty close to that right now.

And then she surprises him again when she follows after him to give him a kiss of her own. Well, I was already thinking I was already in too deep to let her go, but I'm definitely not doing that now.

He leans into the kiss the second it becomes clear to him that she wants it too, and his hold on her tightens by just a fraction. I'm in too deep now, but it feels good. It shouldn't feel this good, but it does. ]

It's not only that. But, sure. We can put it that way. [ It's relatable for Alan and that's what matters. He needs to put it in a context he can understand. ] I guess it depends if you ever really liked the city. Like, for the city living. Not the social perks it had.

[ The wheels turn and her eyebrows change upwards. Did she say something wrong? Most likely. She isn't one to socialize or know the normal ways it should be done. She can navigate normal conversation. This... this is a little different.

She worries about the whole situation. Should they indulge in it? Everything in her tells her yes, including the gravitational pull. Is it truly the right thing to do? His wife and him are seemingly split in everythint but legalities. Jesse can still tell he loves his wife. They should have the chance to fix their marriage without her interfering. Right?

Those thoughts run in her mind until his arms wrap around her higher. Then, even surprising to her, she melts in his arms. Both arms curl around him then as she leans everything against him. She isn't thinking about his wife, marriage status, or the story. All of her attention is focused on him. ]

Edited 2024-02-08 10:28 (UTC)

I didn't hate it. It was convenient having everything I needed more or less right there, but- [ The social perks aside, it was starting to feel suffocating in a way. ] I didn't realize it until recently, but I think I was starting to feel like I needed a change. Maybe not this kind of a change, but, well...

[ It's gotten him out of the city, anyway, even if it's not really what he was expecting or planning on.

Neither was he expecting to find someone like her, someone who, even though she seems unsure and hesitant about letting him in, has told him something he hasn't heard before: namely, that he doesn't have to be like other writers. He just has to be like himself. There is a part of him that still hesitates about letting her in, given his own complicated relationship status, but he can't lie and say he doesn't want this.

There wasn't much room for love or physical contact between him and Alice, even though things weren't hostile between them. No objects were thrown or blows landed, although sometimes, biting words were exchanged. But there was no room for affection either, and maybe that's what he's looking for. But should he look for it from Jesse?

That force pulling him in says a resounding yes.

His eyes lock onto her green ones as he lets that force pull at him more. He loves Alice, and maybe he always will, but at some point, their relationship stopped being characterized by love and became colder, chillier. Maybe they just grew apart. Maybe Alan's looking for someone he can love and be loved by in return. But is Jesse that person? He shouldn't ask her, he knows that. He shouldn't even expect anything from her, but at the same time, a one-night stand isn't what he wants.

He leans in and deepens the kiss more. ]

[ She nods slowly. ] I guess artists need to change things now and then to keep feeling inspired. I mean. I don't know. It... I'm not a creative person like that.

[ « His wife is a photographer, right? She should understand all of this. She should be able to help with all this way more than I ever could. I'm just a nobody who can talk to an alien in her head. No real special skills. I can't put the world in some nice artistic way to even begin relating to it. All I know is how the world really is. That's not something that should be inspiring. »

The only thing she feels she could ever do is confirm what he knows of the world and explain it more. That could never really be able to help an artist, writer, creative individual. It's cold and brutualistic. Like the cement buildings found in cities from certain time periods.

As much as the moment has pulled her in? Jesse is aware that it won't last. When they've dealt with the Dark Presence? Alan will have freed his wife. If Alice really is here, the two will go back home. She'll probably pack what little are her things and leave herself. Nothing is tying her down to Bright Falls. If Polaris needs the Dark Presence dealt with and they do? There's nothing else for her here. She'll be on the road again with her burner phone and Polaris guiding her way. Just as it always is.

Something in her rebels at the idea of letting Alan go. Jesse is aware it's simply not realistic and the world doesn't have the nice romantic endings in books or movies. Even if the other Alan on the phone insisted the two would find their way together? Jesse can't see how it would happen. The odds are stacked against the idea just like they are with trying to find Dylan. The only reason she believes she can find her brother is because they're family. She and Alan are...

He deepens the kiss and she let's out a content sigh without realizing it. Her whole body entirely relaxes against his. It's most likely evident that Jesse is far from as experienced in the matters of kissing and intimacy. The fact alone causes her to feel a sudden insecurity--almost shyness--and she breaks their kiss.

Not that she pulls away. Her eyes remain closed and her forehead presses to his. Her hands press against him and slightly curl into his tweed jacket. That pull wants her even closer than she already is, despite leaning everything against him. ]

Inspiration can come from anywhere, and sometimes it just sneaks up on you. [ He pauses, wondering if he should say what's on the tip of his tongue, ultimately deciding to just go for it. ] You don't have to be an artist to see something that catches your eye and makes you feel interested.

[ He learned that from Alice, and he sometimes catches himself looking at trees or mountains and making mental notes for settings to use in his writing. ]

Have you ever just been walking somewhere and seen something out of the corner of your eye that made you stop and look again? That's kind of what inspiration feels like sometimes.

[ And speaking of inspiration, Alan thinks he might be feeling a little of that right now. He's not thinking about the Dark Presence, which might as well be an enemy he has to fight somehow. Saving Alice is still in the back of his mind, because he can't let go of that so easily, but this sudden connection he's discovering with Jesse is something he wants to focus on.

And given how easy he's finding it to hold her and kiss her, focusing on her isn't hard at all. It's not just physical attraction, although he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't find himself drawn to her, drawn in by her eyes and the color of them.

There's something about her as a person that he can't quite put his finger on, but he knows that he wants to learn more. He wants to know about her likes and dislikes, and what things in the world inspire her when she sees them. It's that artistic side of him that says everyone has something that inspires them, and he wants to know what that might be for her.

The pull that's directed him this far tells him to pull her in a little closer until they're touching each other more, and he listens to it. The arm that's wrapped around her pulls her in, and he smiles when she presses her forehead against his.

He wants moments like these, but he also wants to just sit and have coffee with her and talk: about any subject, about anything on her mind. He feels as though he could listen to her talk about anything at all, and he wouldn't ever grow bored.

She broke the kiss, but their faces are still so close together, and he takes advantage of that to brush the tip of his nose against hers. It might be a silly gesture, but nothing feels wrong to him in this moment. ]

[ She watches him intently, taking in what he says, clearly thinking it over. Then, her gaze drifts to the side. She doubts the eye catching she has is the same. Inspiration and creativity drive his world, but, paranoia and distrust drive hers.

« Current issues aside? His life is better than mine. Fuller. I've seen more... but I've never neen able to really stop and marvel anything anymore. It's all just pulled down by this feeling of cynicism. » ]

I don't think the world looks the same to me as it does you. [ « I know it doesn't. He still has the poster on the wall. Why... why would he ever take it down? »

Her gaze drops. Shoulders curl as if she's trying to make herself smaller. Unseen. ] It's good you can lool at the world like that and still pull inspiration from it. Don't let anything take it away.

[ Jesse has already leaned against him entirely. He could bend down and sweep her off her feet and she'd let him. That pull inside her wants to never break contact. Keep together with him. Make itself louder--but she doesn't understand what, how, or why any of it feels the way she does.

His nose brushes against hers and she can't help the small smile that tugs on her lips. A hint of pink touches her cheeks. She's not used to any of this. These motions are for normal people. Not crazy people like her.

Her eyes remain closed. ]

Do you want to keep writing?

Hey, I don't live in some bubble where everything is an opportunity and inspiration is behind every corner. I might be able to look at something and use it in a book, but there's a time for imagination and a time for being realistic. Right now is a time for being realistic.

Although... [ He smirks a bit, and he presses himself against her just a fraction. ] I don't mind being unrealistic with you around.

[ Whatever that means. But even I can't pretend there's not something crazy about holding onto someone like this, someone I've just met. But it feels right, and something keeps telling me to just go with it. ]

Does this feel all right? Is this okay with you?

[ He wants to make sure this is good for her too, and not something unwanted. He can tell from how she looks and how she moves that it's not, but he just wants to check in. ]

Yeah. I mean, I always wanted to write, even when I was a kid. It's not something I'm going to stop doing anytime soon. Nothing's going to take that inspiration away, as far as I'm concerned.

Realistic. [ Her tone is more of questioning than disbelief. How much of this does he really find realistic? They're following a story he doesn't remember writing about a kidnapper taking his wife. The Dark Presence hunting him. Now, her. ] Not many people would say this is realistic.

[ A bashful smile touches her face as he presses back. Oh, she definitely wouldn't mind being unrealistic. Not that she can explain why. How can one conversation with a different version of Alan make her want to toss all caution to the wind? What is it about Alan Wake?

« Would he really tear down that poster for me...? No. No one should. »

Even if she wants to have someone in the room with her that sees the world she does.

She nods. ] It's okay.

[ Honestly, she doesn't want to let him go. ]

Then, we should find a way to take your story back. Make it yours again. Not... whatever the hell this is.

[ Suddenly, her hands grip onto him tighter. Her body stiffens. She can feel something tugging at her ankles. Something that wants to make her move as it wants and do as it demands of her. Let go of Alan. They have a job to do.

The story.

« No. I don't want to let him go. What if... what if I let go and can never hold onto him again? »

The fear strikes her hard and fast. Maybe some of it shows in her eyes from being hidden inside. The sudden and irrational idea that he'll drift away and she'll never see him again. He'll be gone from her life like her parents and Dylan.

« He can't disappear. I won't let him. » ]

I don't mean realistic like that. I mean that I can't go around with my head in the clouds when there's things I need to be doing here. [ Because nothing about this is realistic. It's unbelievable and feels like something from a horror movie; at the very least, it's a horror story that they're being forcd to follow. Well, he is, because he's at the center of it. ]

I'd ask if the feeling of being completely boggled by all of it ever goes away, but I'm guessing that's a no. Maybe you just become resigned to it.

[ He shakes his head. It's not that he doesn't like the idea of eventually becoming resigned to all this insanity. It's just hard for him to imagine. ]

Yeah. That's kind of my goal here... figuring out how to take it back and stop all this. Not stop everything, just- the story. [ He doesn't want to stop them. He doesn't want to let go of her. Maybe whenever he figures out how to end this, he can go with her to help her figure out where her brother is and how to g et him back. At least then they'd be together a little longer.

He sees that flash of fear in her eyes, and while it's not exactly reflected in his own, there's a reluctance to let go of her. He feels a need to keep her around, to stay with her. But will the story let him? That's the question he can't answer. ]

What would you say if I... stuck around, after this? [ He figures she'll pick up on what "this" he means. ]

Edited 2024-02-17 20:15 (UTC)

Not being able to be a dreamer all the time. It makes sense. [ « Something tells me that Alan could never be a dreamer like that. There's something that anchors him down... or, drags him down, I guess. It seems like there's always something in his mind. » ] I've... never felt bogged down by it all. Not like you mean. I think. It's just how my world is. It's sort of hard to think of it any other way given... things.

[ « Namely you. »

Polaris shifts in agreement.

Jesse would argue that maybe they could make the story do as they want. Work with it to a point, then force it to answer to them. They can't be powerless. Something in it has to work in at least Alan's favor. He wrote it... didn't he?

Jesse nods. ] I... it would give me a reason to stay here. In Bright Falls, I mean. I would just go where my friend said to otherwise.

People think writers are just dreamers, and maybe we are, sometimes. But there's a time and place for everything, isn't there? This seems like a time to be serious about getting whatever the hell done that needs to be done. And, well, maybe the world's just like that: the way you see it. Other people don't see it, and maybe that's good for them. Cause maybe they can't handle it.

[ Alan doesn't even know if he can handle it, and he's only just started getting his feet wet.

And he lacks the confidence Jesse seems to have. He's not sure if he could force the story to do what they want. Maybe Jesse could, but he's not sure he can. Sure, he wrote it, but he doesn't remember it. Doesn't remember what's at his disposal to fight back. ]

Hell, we wouldn't even have to stay here unless you wanted to.

[ She pauses as he says what he does. Her expression falls, but from surprise. He just says things that she never expects. Things that should be words or phrases only she really knows. It makes her feel that maybe he could be in the room without the poster. That maybe he would understand Polaris.

But, she still hesitates.

« What if he can't handle it? » ]

Would... you want to see it? The world the way it really is.

[ Her hands squeeze into his jacket as if to further ask him. If not, she can let go. They'll finish the story and she won't bring him further into the bigger world. He could go back to his life before hand. ]

I don't... really have a home. Anywhere is fine.

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