synthneon | YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

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YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

			STARGAZING
		

( continued from here). it's time for sad duels and talking with dragon wife! )

[ It's so frustrating. Yugi feels as if his words can't pierce whatever dark cloud hangs over his other self. It sticks to him like wet clothes and he's unable to just rip them off. It's a side of Atem that Yugi has never seen before, and, part of him wonders if he really can help remove that shadow. He's unable to forgive himself for being human and having a moment of weakness. A moment with dire fallout and consequences, but, they overcame it. Dartz's soul is freed, the darkness beaten back for at least a little while, and they all lived to see it through.

Yugi can't think of more to ask for. He knows that his other self is looking for something or someone to tell him that it's alright in the end. Except, even if Atem hears it, will he believe it? Despite his constant reassurances and remarks, he can see how that shadow haunts the eyes of the usually confident spirit.

Well... Yugi isn't going to give up. He's going to keep trying to convince Atem and show him what he can.

It just might be something he can't do alone.

A determined look comes to his eyes and he is already walking past Atem. He isn't dismissing the older spirit or the look he gives him. Instead, he's pulling on his school jacket. He looks back at Atem, knowing it looks a little ridiculous that he has his jacket on over his pajamas and socks to top it off. It's as close as he's going to get to wearing slippers though.

Cultural habits never really die. ]

Come on, we're going. [ No room for debate in his tone. ] I can feel you want to ask me something. So, ask along the way.

[ They're going and that's final.

He just knows that if he tell Atem where they're going that he'll insist they don't. There will be a million reasons as to why they shouldn't, while ignoring the main reason they should. In Yugi's mind, there's one other person that can help him shake the shadow that hangs over his partner. She helped Atem when Yugi couldn't. Who else can he ask? ]

And don't think about backing out of whatever it is you want to ask me. I'll pester you the whole way there until you do.

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[ It's frustrating for him too. There's so much he wants to say, and more that he wants to do besides fight with himself and his own guilt, but it's so all-encompassing that it takes him everything he has just to voice one small sentence. And even then, the thought that he's not as strong as he believed he was comes back to haunt him. If he can't forgive himself and move forward, then is he really capable of being Yugi's partner in duels and also being the Pharaoh who once ruled over Egypt? Despite his intentions not to let any further thoughts of doubt and worry take over his mind, he can't quite manage to dislodge these particular thoughts.

Is he glad that they were able to free the souls of their friends, and free Dartz's soul in the process? Of course. Can he forget how far he fell in the process of putting things to rights? That is far easier said than done. It may take time, and he hopes that Yugi doesn't ever lose patience with him, but finding his footing again and his belief in himself isn't something that will happen overnight. Forgiving himself is also something that may take a very long time, and he knows he hasn't even taken the first steps towards getting there.

He watches Yugi pull on his jacket, but he doesn't comment on it if he finds the combination of his pajamas and the school jacket odd. ]

Where are we going? [ He's not certain if Yugi will tell him, because he's seen that determined look he's wearing, and something tells him that whatever Yugi has planned, he's not going to be forthcoming about it until they've already arrived. Part of him has a suspicion about his partner's plan, and another part of him wants to protest and insist he's not in the right mindset for going anywhere.

Still, he knows that Yugi can be stubborn when an idea takes hold, so for the moment, he holds his tongue. In the back of his mind, however, he's thinking about how he's already caused the individual he's certain Yugi's taking him to see enough trouble. She's insisted since the beginning that she wants to be there for him, to stand with him and help him navigate the darkness of his own mind, but shouldn't she have one night to herself? Just one night in which she doesn't have to prop up a lost soul like his... But what choice does he have? ]

I wanted to ask, knowing I have no right to ask anything more of you- [ He clenches his hands then, forming them into tight fists as he tries to force past the blockade that's preventing him from putting his request into words. Unfortunately, the words he wants to say have frozen in his throat, and the only sound he makes is one of frustration directed at himself. It seems as though every part of him, including the power of speech, is still rebelling, refusing to listen to his commands. ]

[ It wasn't so long ago that Atem stood up to the Leviathan with the Egyptian Gods and defeated it. The wounds and struggles aside, Yugi had thought that Atem finally conquered the dark thoughts roaming in his mind. Now, it seems like Yugi made an assumption more off of what he wanted to see. He hasn't lost patience or faith with his other self. It's a deep seated worry that is going to nag in the back of his mind until he has exhausted every option he can think of. No, it will still nag at him as long as Atem struggles with all of this so deeply.

He closes the hotel door room behind him and starts walking down the hall. If he remembers right, she's on the same floor but in a different part of the building. Yugi found it strange she'd put so much distance between the group, but, now he wonders if it was her decision at all. The woman that is with her all the time seems to be the one that is making decisions based on her health. Can he disagree with that idea? It's what he's doing for Atem now. ]

I want you to ask me - even if you don't think you should. Go on.

[ Yugi turns his head to look at Atem, eyes narrowed, but a bright determination still in them. He isn't going to be as heavy handed or brutal as he was in their duel against one another to make his point. Instead, Atem has to contend with the fact that Yugi isn't going to back down from this.

He's learned how to be stubborn and stand the line he's drawn from the ancient Pharaoh.

Yugi turns the corner and starts down an other hallway. ]

Other Me. If you can't speak what it is inside you? Then, I'm going to get the help of someone that can help both of us figure this out.

[ At that time, he felt almost like his old self: emboldened and driven by a desire to end the Leviathan's threat. He almost forgot about all the despair and shame that had dogged him since Yugi's loss, but when it was over and the adrenaline left him, he found himself right back where he'd started. Some wounds are just too deep to heal so quickly, and Atem's have barely begun to close over.

By the time they reach that hallway, Atem begins to realize what Yugi's goal is here. He frowns, knowing that he could protest, but he won't be listened to, not in this instance.

He tries not to think about how guilty he'll feel at having disturbed Luna yet again, instead trying to focus on what he wants to ask his partner. ]

Yugi- [ He realizes he can actually speak his name without that swirling sense of shame threatening to pull him down and drown him. That has to be a start, right? ] I still carry a lot of turmoil inside me, as I'm sure you've realized.

[ He feels foolish saying this, because he knows it must be obvious to Yugi by now. ]

I wouldn't dream of putting my concerns on you, but I- I need your help. [ He knows how that'll sound, because Yugi's been trying to help him all along, but this is the first time he's allowed himself to ask for it from anyone. ]

[ Yugi knows that if something is bothering Atem this badly that Lunafreya will want to know. He isn't sure exactly what happened between them while he was gone, but, everyone told him that Lunafreya almost never left Atem's side. If anyone has any ideas on how to help him? It's going to be the woman that helped him when he wasn't able to.

He stops when Atem says his name with the normal conviction behind it. He turns back to his brother figure, eyes immediately meeting his. There's a calm quiet that rolls off him as Atem finally says it. Not that he needed to. Yugi's always known when Atem has needed help or a hand to walk him down a better path. He's never needed to ask for help, but, it shows to Yugi how much Atem is willing to act on his trust in others now.

A smile spreads over his face and he nods. ]

That's exactly what I'm going to do. I can't promise it's going to be easy. [ The things in life that someone truly wants have to be fought for and protected. Yugi learned that from his partner. He might not fight in the same way that his other self does, but, he's figured out the best way to express himself in dueling.

If only that duel had been the sort of duel the both of them wanted.

He turns back in the direction he was going and starts heading towards the room in question. ] I don't know everything you went through when I was gone. But, I think the Orichalcos took something from you that neither of us really understood at the time. So, we need to figure out how to get that back.

[ Yugi picks up the pace to the end of the hall. He turns once more, then counting the doors in the hallway. One, two.... third door. He raises his hand and gently knocks. It's late--nearly two in the morning. It wouldn't surprise him if Lunafreya is asleep at all. ]

[ But that's the thing: Atem doesn't even know what's truly bothering him. He has Yugi back, and they're slowly taking steps towards repairing their relationship, even if Yugi believes there's nothing that Atem needs to fix. Looking back on this conversation, it feels to him that maybe he's taken some steps towards repairing what he believes he broke. But is it enough? Has he atoned for his mistakes? He doesn't believe that he has, not yet. It's his intent to try, to the best of his abilities, however. ]

I know it won't be easy. I'm not even sure where to begin. [ With forgiving himself, with letting others in who want to help him... He let Luna in when he was at his lowest, because he didn't have the will to protest otherwise. Now that he's slowly begun pulling himself out of the pit that he made for himself, he's unsure about how much he should let his friends in.

He's more willing to accept Yugi's help, oddly enough; in Lunafreya's case, well, he saw her get thrown around and injured, and she just seems exhausted. That's more than enough to cause him to not want to trouble her with his problems.

Yugi wants to help, and he wants to let him, but he also doesn't want to burden his friend and partner with his own doubts and fears. Would doing so be helpful to either of them? He isn't certain. ]

Do you think that's a possibility? [ The tables seem to have turned; Yugi seems to have more confidence now, and Atem seems to be the one who still is mired in a swamp of doubt. ] I thought that the Orichalcos woke up something that was present all along: the darkness that's inside my mind and my heart.

[ He doesn't want it to be that way, and part of him is striving even now to find the light that's also inside him so that he can beat that darkness back. ]

Whatever the case may be, I don't want to continue on like this. [ It's the first time that he's stated that feeling so plainly, but he knows this miserable state of being isn't what he wants.

He doesn't wish to lay these troubles onto Lunafreya either, but it's too late now. They're already at her door and Yugi's knocking. Now Atem's gaze drops to stare at the carpet that's lining the floor, because he feels guilt that they're disturbing Lunafreya, and probably Gentiana as well. ]

[ Maybe with more input Atem can find what it is that bothers him so deeply. He has dueled and won against Dartz and the Great Leviathan Dragon. All the souls that had bodies are restored. All their friends are alive. Dark Magician Girl has her trust back in them. Yugi isn't sure what it could be - on the surface level - that bothers his other half so much. He's just hoping that maybe Lunafreya or even Gentiana can point them in the right direction. ]

Something tells me that the Dartz's Musketeers weren't always the way they were when we met them. Like something had been taken away from them. Only the feelings that the Orichalcos could feed off would remain. What if something like that--

[ He's interrupted by the door opening. It doesn't open all the way, simply enough so that the face of the one who opened it can be seen. Yugi looks back to the door to see Gentiana wearing a disapproving expression. ]

--Gentiana...

Master Yugi, Pharaoh. [ Gentiana's head tilts towards Atem. Her eyes nearly ever shut, but it still seems like she can see him. ] What brings you here at such an hour?

We need to talk to Luna.

Master Yugi--

--I know she's been as holed up as the Other Me has, but, [ his fists clench as he raises his head with determination, ] she helped him when no one else could. Right? Now I need her advice to help him--

--I am not certain now is... [ Gentiana pauses and tilts her head back towards the room. A frown settles on her face before she bows her head. A second later the door opens wider to let the pair in.

Yugi nods to Atem for him to follow. 'Is it always this cold whenever Gentiana is around?'

Yugi steps into the room and makes sure he is to the side enough that Gentiana can close the door. Somehow, it's surprisingly large. Maybe that shouldn't be surprising. Lunafreya is nobility and has financed their whole trip. She deserves a large room. His eyes finally land on the bed where Lunafreya has pushed herself to sit up, one hand resting in her lap and the other holding her up. She's in a simple but somehow perfect nightgown for her. ]

Yugi-sama, Heika. What is bothering you?

[ Yugi frowns slightly then. He hadn't gotten a good look at her after that final battle with Dartz -- but he did notice how Atem hovered around her and Gentiana the whole helicopter trip back to Flordia. Honestly? She's a mess. There's a bruise around one of her eyes, several scrapes and what Yugi presumes are wounds that are bandaged. What sticks out the most to him is that arm that rests in her lap. It might have been set back in place, but, even Yugi can tell it was dislocated somewhere along the way.

A feeling of guilt creeps up into his heart. Especially under the cold gaze of Gentiana, despite the fact her eyes remained shut. Still, he's come this far and woken her up. It'd be rude to not tell her what's going on. ]

The Other Me isn't doing well. [ Yugi looks down at the floor with his eyes narrowed. ] I'm worried that even with Dartz put to rest, and the Leviathan taken care of, that ... something is still wrong. I don't know what it is though. He doesn't either.

[ Lunafreya tilts her head to the side, but her fingers twitch slightly at the strained motion. A glance is sent to Gentiana who nods. ]

What do you think is wrong, Heika? [ Lunafreya simply asks the question to the room, presuming that Atem is present with them. ]

Edited (i can english sometimes) 2021-06-20 07:22 (UTC)

[ It's possible that seeking counsel from Lunafreya and Gentiana may lead to some settling of the turmoil that still seems to be raging inside Atem's heart and mind. But the way he sees it, if he can't even manage to identify what is still causing him so much trouble, how can he expect anyone else, even the Oracle, to know? Unless it isn't Lunafreya the Oracle that they speak to, but Luna the girl.

But he figures that by coming here, all they're doing is disturbing someone who's earned her rest. It takes a monumental effort on his part, but he manages to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to hear Yugi putting forward theories about the state of being of Dartz's men. It's as good a theory as any, even though Atem has nothing concrete to offer either. ]

Was something taken from them or was it someone? [ He doesn't really want to venture a theory on this topic, but what if what happened to him also happened to the three men who served Dartz? ] If they lost someone they cared about, could- Could what happened to me have happened to them?

[ Of course, there's no time for Atem to hear the answer to that, because Gentiana has just opened the door, and the temperature in the hallway drops considerably. He briefly meets Gentiana's sightless gaze (and yet, for one who is blind, she still seems to see more than those who still have their sight), but he's quick to look away as Yugi explains why they're here looking for Lunafreya. ]

Yes, it is. It could be the warmest day possible, and it would still feel cold when she is present.

[ He falls silent again as he follows Yugi slowly, reluctantly, into the room. He briefly scans the room, but it's Lunafreya who draws his attention. His heart sinks even further as he notes the bruise on her eye, the scrapes, the bandaged wounds...

He knew they shouldn't have troubled her, but now that he's seeing her condition for himself, it takes everything he has to stay present and not immediately retreat back into the puzzle.

Yugi's further explanation about himself and his mental state only makes him look even more intently at the ground. It's true, of course, but a part of him despises himself for being so weak.

Then, when Lunafreya's question comes, he finds himself unable to answer, merely shaking his head. He doesn't know what's wrong, why he still feels the same heaviness draping itself around him like a cloak. Yugi is back, everyone's souls have been restored, and even Dartz has found his redemption.

So why does he still feel so lost? ]

[ Rafael had mentioned losing his family... hadn't he? Yugi isn't sure about the other two, but, he does remember it from the duel he witnessed. Not that he can return the answer due to the string of events. Instead, he makes a note to bring it up later.

'I wonder why that happens. Do you think anyone else notices it?'

He presumes it has something to do with magic. What in their lives isn't related to that in some way? Lunafreya has never mentioned it, but, maybe she is just used to it? Yugi feels there is so much he still doesn't know about her and everything around her. Not that it's the time to let his thoughts wander on that.

Yugi looks to Atem. He doesn't mind relaying messages. How else can everyone communicate with him if they can't even see him? His expression softens as he watches Atem struggle. He raises his hand just slightly to try and gently encourage his other half to say something -- anything ...

'Other Me...' ]

... he doesn't know.

[ Lunafreya remains sitting and quiet for all but a moment. Then, she is pulling herself from the bed. Gentiana takes a step forward before Lunafreya holds her hand up. She is fine enough to travel across the room to speak with the pair.

Dressed the older style nightgown, Lunafreya gingerly makes her way to the two. She eases herself down, holding her hand up as well to Yugi's help. Once she is settled she raises her eyes to Yugi. He quietly nods to where Atem stands, and her gaze moves to the area he must be. There is a deep pang inside her heart that she is unable to see him then. ]

Yami, [ she says the name gently to get his attention. Her gaze softens in hopes he can see it. ] What can I do to help?

[ Yugi blinks at the name, but, remains quiet. When did she ever call his other self something other than heika? ]

I have often wondered about that, but I can't be sure if anyone else has noticed. But you did, Yugi, so perhaps that means others have as well. [ This discussion about Gentiana and the change in temperature whenever she's in the room is more or less inconsequential, but it's still something he can speak about. He can barely put his thoughts into sentences when it comes to talking about himself and his needs, which is why he doesn't particularly want to speak about that.

Part of him wants to talk about anything else but the hurt he still feels deep inside himself, but judging from the look of determination he saw from Yugi on the way here, and from how Lunafreya moves herself from the bed to get closer to them when she shouldn't be moving at all, it seems as though he has no choice.

His hands clench tightly into fists as he tries desperately to find something that he can say to them. Yugi answers for him, of course, saying that he doesn't know, and he reaches out for Yugi, hoping to take his hand in his and draw some small amount of comfort or relief from him. Yugi's own well of strength is strong, whereas Atem's is all but depleted, but any contact with his beloved partner is enough to bolster some of his defenses again.

Lunafreya is still moving, drawing closer to where he stands, and he knows this must feel incredibly strange to her. She can't see him, only knowing where he might be standing, and yet she's trying to reach out to him anyway.

The use of the name he gave her so long ago (or at least, it feels as though it's been a long time) draws his attention, even as the weight he's carrying seems to grow to an unbearable level. He wouldn't dream of putting this weight onto anyone else, but for reasons he doesn't know, it's almost begun to feel like it's more than he can carry. ]

I- I don't know. [ The words finally spring unbidden from his lips, every bit as hesitant as he feels. ] I thought- I hoped that when Yugi returned, and when Dartz was stopped and every other soul that he took away also came back, everything would be all right once more.

[ He's finally speaking in full sentences, but the words he speaks are drawn hesitantly from out of him, and they all just feel wrong too. And then he looks briefly to Yugi, because this was an idea that he'd had. Could it be true? There's only one way to know. ]

Could the Orichalcos seal have taken something from me as well? [ Did it take something from him and not replace it? Or is the sheer brokenness that he feels a sign of his true weakness?

Perhaps the Egyptian gods and his entire deck were right to rebel, if he lacks the strength to direct them all.

They wanted him to talk, and while it was a struggle to even begin to find the right words for what he wanted to say, now that he's begun, a switch has flipped and now his concerns and fears are beginning to pour out of him like water from a fountain. ]

Perhaps I am not the man you all think that I am. [ And if that man regains his memories, will anything even change? ]

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meanwhile, in kaibaland (reraligns this to stargazing woops)

hoho we do what we want

not that kaiba will approve hauaaha

hahaha but does he approve of anything?

some things >.> <.<

I wonder what those things could be >.>

brother.... dragon wife.... dragon deck....

oh, those... I see.... also 100% winging this