YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

[inheritedpuzzle]

STARGAZING

( continued from here). it's time for sad duels and talking with dragon wife! )


[ It's so frustrating. Yugi feels as if his words can't pierce whatever dark cloud hangs over his other self. It sticks to him like wet clothes and he's unable to just rip them off. It's a side of Atem that Yugi has never seen before, and, part of him wonders if he really can help remove that shadow. He's unable to forgive himself for being human and having a moment of weakness. A moment with dire fallout and consequences, but, they overcame it. Dartz's soul is freed, the darkness beaten back for at least a little while, and they all lived to see it through.

Yugi can't think of more to ask for. He knows that his other self is looking for something or someone to tell him that it's alright in the end. Except, even if Atem hears it, will he believe it? Despite his constant reassurances and remarks, he can see how that shadow haunts the eyes of the usually confident spirit.

Well... Yugi isn't going to give up. He's going to keep trying to convince Atem and show him what he can.

It just might be something he can't do alone.

A determined look comes to his eyes and he is already walking past Atem. He isn't dismissing the older spirit or the look he gives him. Instead, he's pulling on his school jacket. He looks back at Atem, knowing it looks a little ridiculous that he has his jacket on over his pajamas and socks to top it off. It's as close as he's going to get to wearing slippers though.

Cultural habits never really die. ]

Come on, we're going. [ No room for debate in his tone. ] I can feel you want to ask me something. So, ask along the way.

[ They're going and that's final.

He just knows that if he tell Atem where they're going that he'll insist they don't. There will be a million reasons as to why they shouldn't, while ignoring the main reason they should. In Yugi's mind, there's one other person that can help him shake the shadow that hangs over his partner. She helped Atem when Yugi couldn't. Who else can he ask? ]

And don't think about backing out of whatever it is you want to ask me. I'll pester you the whole way there until you do.

Comments

[ifthereiswill]

[ If Atem allows himself to take his eyes off himself and his desperate desire to repair what he still sees as the broken bond between himself and Yugi, even if for just a moment, he can see how hard and unfair everything that's unfolded since he and his partner came to this room has been for Lunafreya. Her life's calling is to give aid to those who need it, and she's told him time and again that all she wants is to stand beside him and give him what help she can. So in a way, he can see how his actions have continued to only be selfish. By refusing to switch places with Yugi, he's only handed Lunafreya hurt in return for her care. It seems as though Yugi isn't the only one who is owed many apologies.

It's with those thoughts in mind that Atem finally resolves to push past his own fears and ask to make the switch with Yugi. He doesn't intend to remain in the physical world for very long, but he has to reach out to Lunafreya before he retreats back into his ghostly form.

Everything about Lunafreya's actions, including how she holds herself, sets off warning bells in Atem's mind. He worried about her even as they took the helicopter trip from Florida, and he worries about her even now. Even in the midst of his own storm that he's desperately trying to navigate, he believes he sees that she's fighting through her own storm, and he is afraid that she doesn't have the physical strength to make it. Exhaustion is clearly present in her eyes, and of course, there's her posture and the way she seems to fight to even remain standing.

This is only confirmed for him when he sees her carefully lower herself to the ground, as if her legs lack the strength to continue holding her up. His grip on her hand tightens and he reaches to place his arm around her shoulders, hoping to offer at least his physical support. His mental battles are still being fought, but at least he can use what strength remains in his arms to try and hold her up. He places his free hand against her face too, hoping she'll draw some comfort from his touch, and he tries to clear away some of the storm clouds in his mind so that he might be able to respond to her. ]

I wish that I could. I would, if only I knew- [ For what feels like the tenth time since this conversation began, Atem's words fail him and his voice falters. ] If only I knew what would help, or what I could do to help all of us return to where we once were.

[ His gaze shifts sideways to where Yugi's standing beside Lunafreya, lingering there for a moment before it returns to the girl kneeling on the ground.

His shoulders drop then, because even he has no idea what to do, and he too is terrified of once again losing everything that he holds dear. And considering he cannot even remember who he once was or what he did in the past, nearly everything that he has is represented here in this room. He can't afford to lose either Yugi or Lunafreya, because one of them represents the greatest bond and friendships that he's ever known, and the other represents a selfless, unconditional sort of love that covers his own ancient heart and has stirred up his own feelings of love that he never expected he'd be able to experience.

A part of him chastises him for being so overcome by emotion, but just as Lunafreya dropped down to the floor, so does he, knees once again making contact with the carpeted floor beneath them. He glances over at Yugi again, as if wordlessly apologizing: I'm sorry that you have to see this, Yugi. He and Lunafreya must make a fine pair, with both of them being unable to stand, and neither being able to give voice to what they truly wish to say. ]

[guidingmoonlight]

[ A brief but gentle nod is given in thanks as his arm comes around her shoulders. Her back straightens then as she mentally forces herself to hold herself up for just a bit longer. They came to her for council and direction. Gentiana may have been the one to provide it in the end, but, she can offer comfort to the two of them at the very least. It may not be wanted or even desired. Still, she will offer it and will continue to offer it, even up until her last breath.

She leans further into his touch without prompting or direction. Her eyes even close for a fraction of a moment. There is no voice to the thought of how she has come to miss his presence even within the span of a few days. Being with Atem in such a way has felt natural and as if it should have always been the way it is. Several times already has she moved the wrong way in her sleep, only to be jarred by the pain in her body, and having to remind herself he is not there beside her to reach out to. It is a reality she had known she would need to adjust to, and she scolds herself every time for thinking otherwise.

Lunafreya watches him closely as he finally speaks. The answer does not upset her nor does it break her heart. It is an answer and an honest one. He falls to his knees and his shoulders drop. She nods, both arms coming around him to pull him into a close embrace. A hand settles on the back of his head while the other stays around his frame. Her eyes once more turn to Gentiana, who merely frowns and nods. It seems this idea of a duel must be the only way that any of them can think to move forward.

Yugi shakes his head at the apologetic look. 'It's fine, Other Me. Really.'

After all, he did the same thing during Duelist Kingdom, didn't he? Yugi was so paralyzed by fear and not knowing where to go that he shut down. He didn't answer any of his friends, least of all Atem. It was Téa and Mai that reminded him of what he needed to do and how to do it. How different is that situation from what Atem is going through right now? Instead of Téa and Mai, it's Lunafreya and Gentiana. One provides the comfort and hope forward, while the other pushes the other to face what is in front of him. ]

There are some events that affect us so deeply we cannot go back to who we were before we experienced them. Not entirely. [ Lunafreya speaks to Atem, but she glances to the side as if to include Yugi into the conversation too. Her head rests against his. ] They become apart of us, but they only define who we are if we allow ourselves to only be the sum of them. We must learn how to stand with these wounds and continue forward. Otherwise... we will only remain all the pain we experience.

[ Yugi tilts his head slightly at her council. He remains silent, gaze dropping as he thinks it over. She isn't wrong or cruel in how she says it. It's just the fact that neither of them can decide or do this for Atem. He has to find it in himself while all they can do is offer the support he needs for it. ]

Yugi-sama has returned and is home with us now. I know he bears no ill will towards the actions you have come to see yourself as, my dear Pharaoh. [ She is aware of how she addresses him with the present company, but, it would seem childish to pretend that they are unaware of how close the two are now. Lunafreya shifts slightly, placing her hands on either side of Atem's face so she might look into his eyes again. ] You tasked yourself with returning his soul to where he belongs. It was painful, and it bore a heavy weight upon your soul, but you must let it go now. He is safe, as you are, among those that love and care for both of you.

[ She brushes her thumbs lightly against his cheeks. ] You have brought him home. As difficult as it may be, push past those doubts and fears, and see him.

[ Yugi raises his eyes again and blinks once. He glance at Lunafreya, feeling that there is more to what she says than he really understands... but maybe Atem does. Which is why he looks back to his partner, his other self, his brother and smiles at him. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ This time, Atem just stays silent. He remains where he is, with Lunafreya's arms around him, remaining still when her hands move to hold both sides of his face. Of course he misses her presence whenever he retreats back into the winding maze inside the Puzzle, but there's nothing else for it, as far as he's concerned. Yugi has returned, and they've all taken up their respective positions: Lunafreya as the Oracle, Yugi as the vessel, and Atem as the spirit who only materializes when he's needed.

The time that he and Lunafreya spent together was borrowed, and it was always going to be short-lived, but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't miss having her next to him, within arm's reach.

As Lunafreya continues on speaking her counsel, Atem averts his eyes, looking away from both her and from Yugi. She'd thought once that words were doing more harm to him than good, and while he can recognize that she's only trying to help advise and reassure, while also attempting to get him to see that there's good in life still, he feels doubt creeping back into his heart once more. He draws his arms around himself again even as something inside him curls in on itself.

He can see Yugi's face, wearing that smile that he puts on so easily, full of encouragement and reassurance. And in front of him is Lunafreya, eyes trained on his own lowered gaze.

Where Lunafreya's words are meant to bolster his spirits and provide encouragement, they're only clashing with the fears that are still running rampant through Atem's mind. The foundation that he's been trying to rebuild is still very fragile and even the smallest wind could knock it over.

He desperately wants to throw the weight he's been carrying as far away from him as he can manage, but it seems as though once formed, it's not so easily dislodged. But even in spite of the storm that's still swirling around him, one thought is clear in his mind: he cannot have Lunafreya believing that she isn't helping him. No, he can't lie to her either, because she will most certainly see right through it, but he can try to push away those unwanted thoughts that are pulling him down once again.

It takes what feels like a monumental effort on his part, but he manages to unclench his hands from where they grasped onto his arms and he straightens back up once more. His will and conviction have been damaged but they're not yet completely destroyed, and they are what he's counting on to see him through this duel and whatever is coming next for them. ]

I know that you're right, that I should be able to let all of this go, and that I should just be able to see you as you are, Yugi. [ Actually, he should be able to see both Lunafreya and Yugi as what and who they are: the brightest spots shining even through the darkness that he feels still lurks inside his mind and his soul. ]

I want to be able to put this behind me and move forward, but I still carry with me regret that doesn't seem to want to be shaken off so easily.

[ He looks down at his hands then, and for a second, all he sees when he looks at them is the hands of someone who's made more mistakes than anything else. It isn't the truth, and a part of him knows it, but the part of him that wants to continue throwing words of condemnation at him only sees cards that have been tainted by the influence of the Orichalcos.

For just a moment, he closes his eyes and he sits there once more in silence, letting the waves of guilt wash over him again. When he opens his eyes again, there's a strange mixture of resignation and resolve inside them. ]

The only way that I'll ever be able to lay down my doubts and fears is by dueling you, Yugi.

[ Perhaps it's unwise to hinge so much on one simple thing, but his instincts are telling him that this has to be his next move.

And then his attention turns back to focus in on Lunafreya. ]

You are tired and hurt; you should rest now. [ He would reprimand himself for not saying this before, but he carries enough guilt already without adding yet another layer to the things that burden him. ]

Yugi and I will prepare our decks, and the two of you can rest.

[ He glances over at Gentiana as he says that before returning his gaze to his partner. His own smile is small, not quite reaching the brightness contained in Yugi's, but it's a start. ]

[guidingmoonlight]

[ Lunafreya watches his reactions carefully as she speaks, and even more so once his arms curl around herself. She feels a fear rise inside herself that he is once again pulling away from her and into himself. Has she hurt him as so many others have with her words? A frown forms on her face as she sits quietly and waits. She cannot hold him as she would have in the company of others. She might be herself in this moment, but, the sheer amount of will it takes to keep herself tall and proud drains on her. She would still rather push herself to the utmost of limits fighting to help them than simply letting the two swim in the uncertainty of their bond.

Her hands slip from his face only to cover his own that he stares at. Her fingers wrap around his as a silent reminder that she is to remain at his side as long as he will allow her to be. The reality of the situation may need to change, and how they might spend time with one another is still a discussion to be had. Yet, should he ever need her, she will be there as quickly as she can. He had promised that he would return to her as long as he still walked this earth, and so she steadfastly stands ready to receive him and walk beside him. It may not seem much to others, but to the pair of lonely souls, it means the world.

At least it does to her.

While it may not be the same as before, Lunafreya still sees it as him retreating from her. Mental and emotional exhaustion, the need to prepare for his duel, or perhaps even the fact he simply does not wish to be in the physical world any longer. Whichever the case might be, her gaze lowers to their hands. Hers squeeze his tightly then. It is her small way of expressing that she will miss him and already does as well. ]

...Yugi-sama, [ she turns her gaze to where she presumes he must be. Yugi looks back at her. ] Please see to it that he rests.

[ Yugi looks back at Atem and shrugs slightly. He isn't about to argue with Lunafreya. While the spirit of the Pharaoh might not sleep as they would, Yugi presumes there is someway Atem rests to be ready for their next encounter. Still, he'll do what he can for Lunafreya.

'I'll find a way to make sure you see it, Other Me. No matter what it takes. So, make sure to bring the best that you can. I'm going to give it my all.' Yugi offers his partner a bright smile. 'Do you want to make your deck first? ' ]

The lady to the Oracle does not need the rest that many might think. [ Gentiana still nods to Atem's decision. It is easy for all to see he is ready to leave the conversation. Whatever words might be left to share will need to wait until the next night. ] Lunfareya will rest as the Pharaoh has requested. Her lady will see to it.

[ Lunafreya reluctantly slips her hands away from Atem's. She gives him a smile that doesn't reach the edges of her mouth. It still feel as if she has done little to aid him, but, it is clear that their brief time has come to a close for now. She bows her head in respect and keeps it lowered. ]