synthneon | YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

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YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

			STARGAZING
		

( continued from here). it's time for sad duels and talking with dragon wife! )

[ It's so frustrating. Yugi feels as if his words can't pierce whatever dark cloud hangs over his other self. It sticks to him like wet clothes and he's unable to just rip them off. It's a side of Atem that Yugi has never seen before, and, part of him wonders if he really can help remove that shadow. He's unable to forgive himself for being human and having a moment of weakness. A moment with dire fallout and consequences, but, they overcame it. Dartz's soul is freed, the darkness beaten back for at least a little while, and they all lived to see it through.

Yugi can't think of more to ask for. He knows that his other self is looking for something or someone to tell him that it's alright in the end. Except, even if Atem hears it, will he believe it? Despite his constant reassurances and remarks, he can see how that shadow haunts the eyes of the usually confident spirit.

Well... Yugi isn't going to give up. He's going to keep trying to convince Atem and show him what he can.

It just might be something he can't do alone.

A determined look comes to his eyes and he is already walking past Atem. He isn't dismissing the older spirit or the look he gives him. Instead, he's pulling on his school jacket. He looks back at Atem, knowing it looks a little ridiculous that he has his jacket on over his pajamas and socks to top it off. It's as close as he's going to get to wearing slippers though.

Cultural habits never really die. ]

Come on, we're going. [ No room for debate in his tone. ] I can feel you want to ask me something. So, ask along the way.

[ They're going and that's final.

He just knows that if he tell Atem where they're going that he'll insist they don't. There will be a million reasons as to why they shouldn't, while ignoring the main reason they should. In Yugi's mind, there's one other person that can help him shake the shadow that hangs over his partner. She helped Atem when Yugi couldn't. Who else can he ask? ]

And don't think about backing out of whatever it is you want to ask me. I'll pester you the whole way there until you do.

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[ It's frustrating for him too. There's so much he wants to say, and more that he wants to do besides fight with himself and his own guilt, but it's so all-encompassing that it takes him everything he has just to voice one small sentence. And even then, the thought that he's not as strong as he believed he was comes back to haunt him. If he can't forgive himself and move forward, then is he really capable of being Yugi's partner in duels and also being the Pharaoh who once ruled over Egypt? Despite his intentions not to let any further thoughts of doubt and worry take over his mind, he can't quite manage to dislodge these particular thoughts.

Is he glad that they were able to free the souls of their friends, and free Dartz's soul in the process? Of course. Can he forget how far he fell in the process of putting things to rights? That is far easier said than done. It may take time, and he hopes that Yugi doesn't ever lose patience with him, but finding his footing again and his belief in himself isn't something that will happen overnight. Forgiving himself is also something that may take a very long time, and he knows he hasn't even taken the first steps towards getting there.

He watches Yugi pull on his jacket, but he doesn't comment on it if he finds the combination of his pajamas and the school jacket odd. ]

Where are we going? [ He's not certain if Yugi will tell him, because he's seen that determined look he's wearing, and something tells him that whatever Yugi has planned, he's not going to be forthcoming about it until they've already arrived. Part of him has a suspicion about his partner's plan, and another part of him wants to protest and insist he's not in the right mindset for going anywhere.

Still, he knows that Yugi can be stubborn when an idea takes hold, so for the moment, he holds his tongue. In the back of his mind, however, he's thinking about how he's already caused the individual he's certain Yugi's taking him to see enough trouble. She's insisted since the beginning that she wants to be there for him, to stand with him and help him navigate the darkness of his own mind, but shouldn't she have one night to herself? Just one night in which she doesn't have to prop up a lost soul like his... But what choice does he have? ]

I wanted to ask, knowing I have no right to ask anything more of you- [ He clenches his hands then, forming them into tight fists as he tries to force past the blockade that's preventing him from putting his request into words. Unfortunately, the words he wants to say have frozen in his throat, and the only sound he makes is one of frustration directed at himself. It seems as though every part of him, including the power of speech, is still rebelling, refusing to listen to his commands. ]

[ It wasn't so long ago that Atem stood up to the Leviathan with the Egyptian Gods and defeated it. The wounds and struggles aside, Yugi had thought that Atem finally conquered the dark thoughts roaming in his mind. Now, it seems like Yugi made an assumption more off of what he wanted to see. He hasn't lost patience or faith with his other self. It's a deep seated worry that is going to nag in the back of his mind until he has exhausted every option he can think of. No, it will still nag at him as long as Atem struggles with all of this so deeply.

He closes the hotel door room behind him and starts walking down the hall. If he remembers right, she's on the same floor but in a different part of the building. Yugi found it strange she'd put so much distance between the group, but, now he wonders if it was her decision at all. The woman that is with her all the time seems to be the one that is making decisions based on her health. Can he disagree with that idea? It's what he's doing for Atem now. ]

I want you to ask me - even if you don't think you should. Go on.

[ Yugi turns his head to look at Atem, eyes narrowed, but a bright determination still in them. He isn't going to be as heavy handed or brutal as he was in their duel against one another to make his point. Instead, Atem has to contend with the fact that Yugi isn't going to back down from this.

He's learned how to be stubborn and stand the line he's drawn from the ancient Pharaoh.

Yugi turns the corner and starts down an other hallway. ]

Other Me. If you can't speak what it is inside you? Then, I'm going to get the help of someone that can help both of us figure this out.

[ At that time, he felt almost like his old self: emboldened and driven by a desire to end the Leviathan's threat. He almost forgot about all the despair and shame that had dogged him since Yugi's loss, but when it was over and the adrenaline left him, he found himself right back where he'd started. Some wounds are just too deep to heal so quickly, and Atem's have barely begun to close over.

By the time they reach that hallway, Atem begins to realize what Yugi's goal is here. He frowns, knowing that he could protest, but he won't be listened to, not in this instance.

He tries not to think about how guilty he'll feel at having disturbed Luna yet again, instead trying to focus on what he wants to ask his partner. ]

Yugi- [ He realizes he can actually speak his name without that swirling sense of shame threatening to pull him down and drown him. That has to be a start, right? ] I still carry a lot of turmoil inside me, as I'm sure you've realized.

[ He feels foolish saying this, because he knows it must be obvious to Yugi by now. ]

I wouldn't dream of putting my concerns on you, but I- I need your help. [ He knows how that'll sound, because Yugi's been trying to help him all along, but this is the first time he's allowed himself to ask for it from anyone. ]

[ Yugi knows that if something is bothering Atem this badly that Lunafreya will want to know. He isn't sure exactly what happened between them while he was gone, but, everyone told him that Lunafreya almost never left Atem's side. If anyone has any ideas on how to help him? It's going to be the woman that helped him when he wasn't able to.

He stops when Atem says his name with the normal conviction behind it. He turns back to his brother figure, eyes immediately meeting his. There's a calm quiet that rolls off him as Atem finally says it. Not that he needed to. Yugi's always known when Atem has needed help or a hand to walk him down a better path. He's never needed to ask for help, but, it shows to Yugi how much Atem is willing to act on his trust in others now.

A smile spreads over his face and he nods. ]

That's exactly what I'm going to do. I can't promise it's going to be easy. [ The things in life that someone truly wants have to be fought for and protected. Yugi learned that from his partner. He might not fight in the same way that his other self does, but, he's figured out the best way to express himself in dueling.

If only that duel had been the sort of duel the both of them wanted.

He turns back in the direction he was going and starts heading towards the room in question. ] I don't know everything you went through when I was gone. But, I think the Orichalcos took something from you that neither of us really understood at the time. So, we need to figure out how to get that back.

[ Yugi picks up the pace to the end of the hall. He turns once more, then counting the doors in the hallway. One, two.... third door. He raises his hand and gently knocks. It's late--nearly two in the morning. It wouldn't surprise him if Lunafreya is asleep at all. ]

[ But that's the thing: Atem doesn't even know what's truly bothering him. He has Yugi back, and they're slowly taking steps towards repairing their relationship, even if Yugi believes there's nothing that Atem needs to fix. Looking back on this conversation, it feels to him that maybe he's taken some steps towards repairing what he believes he broke. But is it enough? Has he atoned for his mistakes? He doesn't believe that he has, not yet. It's his intent to try, to the best of his abilities, however. ]

I know it won't be easy. I'm not even sure where to begin. [ With forgiving himself, with letting others in who want to help him... He let Luna in when he was at his lowest, because he didn't have the will to protest otherwise. Now that he's slowly begun pulling himself out of the pit that he made for himself, he's unsure about how much he should let his friends in.

He's more willing to accept Yugi's help, oddly enough; in Lunafreya's case, well, he saw her get thrown around and injured, and she just seems exhausted. That's more than enough to cause him to not want to trouble her with his problems.

Yugi wants to help, and he wants to let him, but he also doesn't want to burden his friend and partner with his own doubts and fears. Would doing so be helpful to either of them? He isn't certain. ]

Do you think that's a possibility? [ The tables seem to have turned; Yugi seems to have more confidence now, and Atem seems to be the one who still is mired in a swamp of doubt. ] I thought that the Orichalcos woke up something that was present all along: the darkness that's inside my mind and my heart.

[ He doesn't want it to be that way, and part of him is striving even now to find the light that's also inside him so that he can beat that darkness back. ]

Whatever the case may be, I don't want to continue on like this. [ It's the first time that he's stated that feeling so plainly, but he knows this miserable state of being isn't what he wants.

He doesn't wish to lay these troubles onto Lunafreya either, but it's too late now. They're already at her door and Yugi's knocking. Now Atem's gaze drops to stare at the carpet that's lining the floor, because he feels guilt that they're disturbing Lunafreya, and probably Gentiana as well. ]

[ Maybe with more input Atem can find what it is that bothers him so deeply. He has dueled and won against Dartz and the Great Leviathan Dragon. All the souls that had bodies are restored. All their friends are alive. Dark Magician Girl has her trust back in them. Yugi isn't sure what it could be - on the surface level - that bothers his other half so much. He's just hoping that maybe Lunafreya or even Gentiana can point them in the right direction. ]

Something tells me that the Dartz's Musketeers weren't always the way they were when we met them. Like something had been taken away from them. Only the feelings that the Orichalcos could feed off would remain. What if something like that--

[ He's interrupted by the door opening. It doesn't open all the way, simply enough so that the face of the one who opened it can be seen. Yugi looks back to the door to see Gentiana wearing a disapproving expression. ]

--Gentiana...

Master Yugi, Pharaoh. [ Gentiana's head tilts towards Atem. Her eyes nearly ever shut, but it still seems like she can see him. ] What brings you here at such an hour?

We need to talk to Luna.

Master Yugi--

--I know she's been as holed up as the Other Me has, but, [ his fists clench as he raises his head with determination, ] she helped him when no one else could. Right? Now I need her advice to help him--

--I am not certain now is... [ Gentiana pauses and tilts her head back towards the room. A frown settles on her face before she bows her head. A second later the door opens wider to let the pair in.

Yugi nods to Atem for him to follow. 'Is it always this cold whenever Gentiana is around?'

Yugi steps into the room and makes sure he is to the side enough that Gentiana can close the door. Somehow, it's surprisingly large. Maybe that shouldn't be surprising. Lunafreya is nobility and has financed their whole trip. She deserves a large room. His eyes finally land on the bed where Lunafreya has pushed herself to sit up, one hand resting in her lap and the other holding her up. She's in a simple but somehow perfect nightgown for her. ]

Yugi-sama, Heika. What is bothering you?

[ Yugi frowns slightly then. He hadn't gotten a good look at her after that final battle with Dartz -- but he did notice how Atem hovered around her and Gentiana the whole helicopter trip back to Flordia. Honestly? She's a mess. There's a bruise around one of her eyes, several scrapes and what Yugi presumes are wounds that are bandaged. What sticks out the most to him is that arm that rests in her lap. It might have been set back in place, but, even Yugi can tell it was dislocated somewhere along the way.

A feeling of guilt creeps up into his heart. Especially under the cold gaze of Gentiana, despite the fact her eyes remained shut. Still, he's come this far and woken her up. It'd be rude to not tell her what's going on. ]

The Other Me isn't doing well. [ Yugi looks down at the floor with his eyes narrowed. ] I'm worried that even with Dartz put to rest, and the Leviathan taken care of, that ... something is still wrong. I don't know what it is though. He doesn't either.

[ Lunafreya tilts her head to the side, but her fingers twitch slightly at the strained motion. A glance is sent to Gentiana who nods. ]

What do you think is wrong, Heika? [ Lunafreya simply asks the question to the room, presuming that Atem is present with them. ]

Edited (i can english sometimes) 2021-06-20 07:22 (UTC)

[ It's possible that seeking counsel from Lunafreya and Gentiana may lead to some settling of the turmoil that still seems to be raging inside Atem's heart and mind. But the way he sees it, if he can't even manage to identify what is still causing him so much trouble, how can he expect anyone else, even the Oracle, to know? Unless it isn't Lunafreya the Oracle that they speak to, but Luna the girl.

But he figures that by coming here, all they're doing is disturbing someone who's earned her rest. It takes a monumental effort on his part, but he manages to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to hear Yugi putting forward theories about the state of being of Dartz's men. It's as good a theory as any, even though Atem has nothing concrete to offer either. ]

Was something taken from them or was it someone? [ He doesn't really want to venture a theory on this topic, but what if what happened to him also happened to the three men who served Dartz? ] If they lost someone they cared about, could- Could what happened to me have happened to them?

[ Of course, there's no time for Atem to hear the answer to that, because Gentiana has just opened the door, and the temperature in the hallway drops considerably. He briefly meets Gentiana's sightless gaze (and yet, for one who is blind, she still seems to see more than those who still have their sight), but he's quick to look away as Yugi explains why they're here looking for Lunafreya. ]

Yes, it is. It could be the warmest day possible, and it would still feel cold when she is present.

[ He falls silent again as he follows Yugi slowly, reluctantly, into the room. He briefly scans the room, but it's Lunafreya who draws his attention. His heart sinks even further as he notes the bruise on her eye, the scrapes, the bandaged wounds...

He knew they shouldn't have troubled her, but now that he's seeing her condition for himself, it takes everything he has to stay present and not immediately retreat back into the puzzle.

Yugi's further explanation about himself and his mental state only makes him look even more intently at the ground. It's true, of course, but a part of him despises himself for being so weak.

Then, when Lunafreya's question comes, he finds himself unable to answer, merely shaking his head. He doesn't know what's wrong, why he still feels the same heaviness draping itself around him like a cloak. Yugi is back, everyone's souls have been restored, and even Dartz has found his redemption.

So why does he still feel so lost? ]

[ Rafael had mentioned losing his family... hadn't he? Yugi isn't sure about the other two, but, he does remember it from the duel he witnessed. Not that he can return the answer due to the string of events. Instead, he makes a note to bring it up later.

'I wonder why that happens. Do you think anyone else notices it?'

He presumes it has something to do with magic. What in their lives isn't related to that in some way? Lunafreya has never mentioned it, but, maybe she is just used to it? Yugi feels there is so much he still doesn't know about her and everything around her. Not that it's the time to let his thoughts wander on that.

Yugi looks to Atem. He doesn't mind relaying messages. How else can everyone communicate with him if they can't even see him? His expression softens as he watches Atem struggle. He raises his hand just slightly to try and gently encourage his other half to say something -- anything ...

'Other Me...' ]

... he doesn't know.

[ Lunafreya remains sitting and quiet for all but a moment. Then, she is pulling herself from the bed. Gentiana takes a step forward before Lunafreya holds her hand up. She is fine enough to travel across the room to speak with the pair.

Dressed the older style nightgown, Lunafreya gingerly makes her way to the two. She eases herself down, holding her hand up as well to Yugi's help. Once she is settled she raises her eyes to Yugi. He quietly nods to where Atem stands, and her gaze moves to the area he must be. There is a deep pang inside her heart that she is unable to see him then. ]

Yami, [ she says the name gently to get his attention. Her gaze softens in hopes he can see it. ] What can I do to help?

[ Yugi blinks at the name, but, remains quiet. When did she ever call his other self something other than heika? ]

I have often wondered about that, but I can't be sure if anyone else has noticed. But you did, Yugi, so perhaps that means others have as well. [ This discussion about Gentiana and the change in temperature whenever she's in the room is more or less inconsequential, but it's still something he can speak about. He can barely put his thoughts into sentences when it comes to talking about himself and his needs, which is why he doesn't particularly want to speak about that.

Part of him wants to talk about anything else but the hurt he still feels deep inside himself, but judging from the look of determination he saw from Yugi on the way here, and from how Lunafreya moves herself from the bed to get closer to them when she shouldn't be moving at all, it seems as though he has no choice.

His hands clench tightly into fists as he tries desperately to find something that he can say to them. Yugi answers for him, of course, saying that he doesn't know, and he reaches out for Yugi, hoping to take his hand in his and draw some small amount of comfort or relief from him. Yugi's own well of strength is strong, whereas Atem's is all but depleted, but any contact with his beloved partner is enough to bolster some of his defenses again.

Lunafreya is still moving, drawing closer to where he stands, and he knows this must feel incredibly strange to her. She can't see him, only knowing where he might be standing, and yet she's trying to reach out to him anyway.

The use of the name he gave her so long ago (or at least, it feels as though it's been a long time) draws his attention, even as the weight he's carrying seems to grow to an unbearable level. He wouldn't dream of putting this weight onto anyone else, but for reasons he doesn't know, it's almost begun to feel like it's more than he can carry. ]

I- I don't know. [ The words finally spring unbidden from his lips, every bit as hesitant as he feels. ] I thought- I hoped that when Yugi returned, and when Dartz was stopped and every other soul that he took away also came back, everything would be all right once more.

[ He's finally speaking in full sentences, but the words he speaks are drawn hesitantly from out of him, and they all just feel wrong too. And then he looks briefly to Yugi, because this was an idea that he'd had. Could it be true? There's only one way to know. ]

Could the Orichalcos seal have taken something from me as well? [ Did it take something from him and not replace it? Or is the sheer brokenness that he feels a sign of his true weakness?

Perhaps the Egyptian gods and his entire deck were right to rebel, if he lacks the strength to direct them all.

They wanted him to talk, and while it was a struggle to even begin to find the right words for what he wanted to say, now that he's begun, a switch has flipped and now his concerns and fears are beginning to pour out of him like water from a fountain. ]

Perhaps I am not the man you all think that I am. [ And if that man regains his memories, will anything even change? ]

[ 'There's always something around Luna that we don't seem to understand....'

Yugi's hand stretches out for Atem to take. It isn't strange to him, but it might look that way to the other two in the room. If so, Lunafreya and Gentiana say nothing. Instead, all Lunafreya does is briefly glance to the side. Yugi doesn't notice. His whole attention is on Atem. He's never seen his other half look like this before.

So... defeated.

How does he even begin to tell them all this? Phrasing is one thing, but, it hits him. He always knew they were important to one another, but, it seems him being taken has done more damage than he thought. His hand squeezes Atem's, regardless of how it doesn't quite work.

It's the last part though that makes Yugi say something first. ]

You know that's not true, Other Me! It might be buried deep down, but you know it.

[ Lunafreya's gaze drops to the floor with a slight frown on her face.

Yugi sighs, not having seen her reaction. ]

He says he thought everything would go back to normal when Dartz was defeated. That he'd feel more like himself... but I was wondering if the Orichalcos magic took something other than my soul...

[ Yugi turns to look at Lunafreya with her eyes casted downwards. He can't tell if she's upset or thinking, but whichever one it is, she raises her head and looks to Gentiana. Yugi's hand reflexively curls as if to squeeze Atem's reassuringly.

Gentiana rejoins them, dressed in a loose fitting black summer dress. Her hands fold in front of her as she regards the three. After a moment she nods. ]

Magic that inherently is crafted to increase the suffering of others will inevitably feed negativity. It demands a price, as does all Magic. Perhaps the Pharaoh has lost something that is inherent to him as his price for using the Orichalcos. The loss of your soul, Master Yugi, was simply the stakes of the duel.

[ Yugi looks back at Atem. Something that's inherent to him? ]

If the battle with the Great Leviathan Dragon was unable to restore what was lost... then the Pharaoh cannot reclaim it. However, it is possible to relearn it.

[ Yugi wastes no time. He takes a step towards the taller elegant woman with determination burning in his eyes. His hand is still held out for Atem's, but he steps between Atem and Lunafreya to address the woman. ]

What do we have to do?

[ Lunafreya nearly reaches out to the space that Atem is supposed to be standing in, but retreats her hand at the last moment. She closes her eyes and pushes back whatever emotion threatens to come forward.]

Gentiana... are you sure?

Yes. There is far more to her than we realize, and I believe she has far more power than she has told us about or allowed us to see. [ He believes she surpasses even him, because his power isn't innate but external, relying on creatures and mystical items to lend him their strength.

He holds onto Yugi's hand gratefully, clinging to it as though it's become his lifeline, the one thing that's grounding him. He has to find his own foundation of strength, but he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't relying on Yugi to bolster him especially now that his own confidence is wavering. ]

I'm not sure that I know anything anymore, Yugi. [ He knows that he's right, that something has been buried deep inside him, perhaps so deep that even he can't access it any longer.

And then as Gentiana begins to explain her thoughts on the matter, a shadow seems to descend onto Atem's face, darkening his eyes, and his posture, already low, drops even further. If this is the price he has to pay for what he's done, he'll accept it.

But when Gentiana says that he may not be able to regain what he lost but relearn it, he stiffens. Such a thing won't be easy; he doesn't need to be told that. The question is, does he have the will to go about reteaching himself about what it is that he's lost, when it seems to be his will and confidence that's taken the biggest hit?

As Yugi approaches Gentiana, Atem moves slightly along with him because he doesn't want to let go of Yugi's hand. He avoids Gentiana's gaze, and Lunafreya's, even though he's in his ghostly form. With his free hand, however, he reaches back for Lunafreya, knowing that they won't be able to make contact, but at the last minute, she pulls back and his hand remains outstretched until he closes it into a fist once again.

If only he and Lunafreya could truly see each other; never mind how he doesn't wish for her to see him in this sorry state once again, but he fears that she'll interpret his remaining in this spirit form as closing the door on her once more. That isn't truly what he intends, but there's still a small part of him that's just begging to retreat into the puzzle where he can be alone.

He echoes Yugi's question, simply because it's something to say, not because he has the drive at the moment to begin solving this problem. ]

How do we go about achieving this? [ His tone is hollow, reflecting his lack of interest in anything, including taking on what feels like a monumental task of relearning what has been taken from him. ]

[ Yugi nods to his statement. 'Both of them. Gentiana and Luna.'

He doesn't address what Atem says simply because of how the conversation shifts. There is a mental note made so he can talk to him about it later. It's almost like a whirlwind of emotions at that moment. Atem was more like himself right after dealing with Dartz, but now he's slipped into more of what seems like a shell of himself. He wonders if this is how Atem has always felt deep inside, locked away in the Millennium Puzzle all those years.

Yugi does glance back in time to see his other self's hand pull back into a fist. He blinks, looking back and forth between Atem and Lunafreya. Her gaze remains on Gentiana, but, Yugi can tell that there's a gap both are trying to close.

Gentiana raises a single finger as if to focus on the point she is about to make. ] A duel.

A duel?! Now? [ Yugi whirls his head back to look at the blind woman. ] You can't be seri--

[ The raised finger lands on Yugi's lips to quiet him. Gentiana holds her head high. It's clear that she is not backing down from her decision. ]

The vessel and the Pharaoh have chosen to fight their enemies in this manner. The two are duelists. If words will not help the Pharaoh stand on even ground, and neither will dueling an enemy, then it falls to the vessel to teach and guide. He will need to show the Pharaoh the path through an example that both understand.

[ Yugi frowns, but turns to look at Atem. He heard the hollowness in his voice, but, this has to bring some kind of reaction from him. ]

[ There is something deep inside Atem that is telling him he'd rather be locked inside the Millennium Puzzle than to have to sort through these difficult and occasionally overwhelming feelings. But that would also mean running away, and as shaken as he is, he won't allow himself to take the coward's way out again and dodge dealing with his emotional turmoil. In a way, he feels that's exactly what he did when he played the Seal.

He felt backed into a corner, yes, and Rafael's words were hitting him in ways he couldn't have anticipated. But he'd faced tougher opponents before, and he always managed to find a way out because he had faith in the monsters that resided in his deck. For reasons he barely understands, that faith became displaced in his duel with Rafael, and when his back was to the wall, he made the fateful decision to play the Seal, and now he regrets that decision with every fiber of his being. Perhaps that's one of the things that the Orichalcos took from him: his faith and belief in his cards.

He's about to say something when Gentiana drops the bombshell about a duel, and he freezes in place. If it's possible for a spirit to experience a cold sweat of dread, that's exactly what's happening to Atem right now. ]

No. [ The word slips out of his mouth before he even knows it's what he's going to say. Even before Gentiana finishes her explanation, Atem knows that the last thing he wants to do, let alone actually achieve right now, is a duel.

Atem's reaction is immediate, and as his head snaps up to look at Gentiana, where shadows lurked moments before, a blazing sort of light is now plain in his eyes. He may not know what his next moves will be, or how he'll feel even five minutes from now, but he knows one thing: he is not ready to duel Yugi again. ]

I won't do it. I can't.

[ He turns towards his partner then, hoping that he'll understand why he isn't capable of doing this right now. It isn't just fear talking; it's the fact that he wants their next duel to be what Yugi hoped for: an enjoyable game between two close friends. He knows neither of them will go out of their way to purposefully antagonize the other (he knows that Yugi won't subject him to another duel like their first one, because that was meant to be more of a test), but he can't see how a duel right now would be anything but uncomfortable for the both of them.

He just hopes that Yugi can see that, that he's not just refusing to duel him for selfish reasons. ]

Edited 2021-06-21 07:52 (UTC)

[ If one were to ask Yugi, he would say he doesn't really know why Atem played the Seal. He has his guesses based off what he saw, but, the Seal cut their bond off. He knows Atem felt pressured into it, and he knows that Atem hates the idea of losing -- for noble or selfish reasons. Still, he can't help but think there is a deeper reason at the core of it all. One that he's not sure he can help his other self get to the bottom of.

He had hoped for a reaction, but definitely not the one Atem has given. Yugi stands rigid at the sharpness of Atem's reaction. He frowns at first at the reaction. Part of him hopes that their first duel hasn't soured anything that might come in the future. It wasn't the sort of duel either wanted, but, it had to be done. This though... could they make this duel into what both of them want? Maybe that is what they need... but, Yugi keeps the thoughts to himself as Atem further rejects the offer.

Yugi nods gently. He understands. ]

If the Other Me doesn't want to--[ He is once again interrupted by Gentiana's finger pressing to his lips.

This time, Gentiana's head turns to Atem. Despite her closed eyes, it is as if she is staring directly into his gaze. He has, of course, seen the color of her eyes once before. She intends to make her point well enough known that she will not need to resort to such a striking blow. ]

Will not. Cannot. If such is the decision of the Pharaoh, then his quest to regain what was taken should end here. A king is not simply born into the right to rule. He must earn the respect and adoration of those around him. When he falls, he must step back into his place as king and work to regain it. If you are so unwilling to do such an action... then you should cease your search for your missing sense of self and your memories.

Gentiana! [ He understands what she is trying to say. She doesn't need to be so cruel about it though. ] You can't say something like that! Can't you see the Other Me is trying? How can you be so cold about this?!

[ Yugi reaches up and in one sweeping motion pushes her hand away from him. In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea. Her eyes are still closed, but he can feel the moment her gaze shifts to him. It feels like a sliver of ice has gone up his back, prickling at the scars from the Sun God on his back. He can't help the sudden shudder that takes over him. He knows it can't be that way, but, he feels as if he's frozen in place by a mere look from her.

Then, his hand starts to hurt. Yugi's gaze quickly goes to the hand he had made contact with hers. It feels as if he just dipped it into a bucket of ice. Of course, there is no sign of ice around him physically, but that doesn't stop the numbing pain from tingling through out his hand. It reflexes on its own and he pulls it back to his body to warm it. ]

What the...

Many years have I stood and watched those with power make decisions that ruin themselves and the world around them. I have seen what those in power can do to restore the world and those with them. [ Gentiana's voice is suddenly sharp and cutting. ] I have watched as my mistress has poured countless hours of devotion and love into aiding the Pharaoh to set him back on his path. If he cannot stand to this challenge of his character and face the vessel who so kindly hosts his soul? Then, he should no longer chase after memories of a time that would bring further pain.

What do you know about it?! That was three thousand years ago! [ Yugi pulls his hand away from Atem's only because he takes a few more steps to face Gentiana. The cold aching pain still stings in his back, but, he isn't going to back down from this. He doesn't care if Gentiana is Lunafreya's best friend. No one insults his other half like this. That's how he sees it -- an insult. ] How can your advice help if it's meant to hurt?! You say you watched as Luna helped him. Then, you should understand her heart in all of this too! If you know that, then you should understand how the Other Me feels about all of this! You can't keep being so cold hearted about it!

[ Suddenly, a surge of burning resolve breaks through the hard shell that Atem's begun building around himself. Suddenly, he doesn't care about how each word that comes from Gentiana cuts deep into his heart and almost causes him to fold in on himself because of the sharp nature of what she's saying and how her words land on wounds that are still open and barely healed. In all honesty, everything she says about him and that perhaps he should end his search here echoes thoughts he's already had but left unsaid.

And then when she speaks Lunafreya's name and goes on to talk about how many hours she stayed with him while he tried to pull himself from the center of the storm that swirled around him, further chastising him for his weakness, his shoulders drop. For just a moment, he stares at the ground in front of him, all the hatred directed that he'd directed at himself coming back to further batter his still-damaged walls.

But all he allows for himself is a second of self-reproach, because Gentiana may say what she will about him, but one thing he will not tolerate is any disrespect directed towards his partner.

If Gentiana wishes to have a stare-down with him, then that is what he intends to give, among other things. He steps in front of Yugi then, eyes narrowed and trained on Gentiana's closed lids.

When he finally speaks, his tone is quiet, but if one were to listen carefully, they would hear a resonance in his voice... soft and barely audible at first but growing in pitch and power the longer he speaks. ]

You may say what you will about me, because every word that you have spoken is true. [ The old fire that would always flare to life whenever he was truly worked up about something has been diminished, but as he continues looking at Gentiana, something akin to it can be seen in his eyes. ]

But I will not, for one second, allow you to make Yugi a target for the disdain that should fall on me. And neither will you silence him in that way again.

[ She hasn't done that first part, as far as he can tell; the words she spoke are directed only at him, but he isn't blind: he can see that Yugi is feeling the effects of staring her down and of making contact with her. Out of everyone in this room, Yugi is the last person who deserves to experience any sort of chastisement, brought on by himself or not. He also doesn't deserve to be silenced.

No one insults his partner or disrespects him like this either, not if there's anything he can do about it. ]

As for me- [ This is the part where some of the strength that showed itself in the aftermath of Gentiana's chastisement begins to waver. ] Perhaps I'm no longer fit for holding the title of Pharaoh or bearing that mantle.

[ That's a concession that he can make. It seems unimportant in the present scheme of things; if he is understanding things correctly (recalling the time he and Yugi spent on the computer doing research), Egypt as he knew it has been gone for some time, so what does being Pharaoh mean anyway? His memories are another matter, but even those seem to pale in comparison to building up the relationships that he has here in this present time. ]

If Yugi wishes to duel me again, that's his right, and I will comply. But you- [ He tilts his chin up slightly, something almost resembling defiance clearly written into his posture. ] I'm not certain that you are in a position to dictate our actions.

[ And then, as if the effort of facing Gentiana and trying to express how he felt she crossed a line has sapped the last of his strength, he drops down to the floor, landing on one knee but still keeping his gaze fixed on the dark-haired woman's. Perhaps it's a silly gesture, but to look away from her now feels like capitulating; considering how she already seems to be thinking that he's displaying his weakness in this moment, he won't give her any more reasons to believe that. ]

Edited (rephrasing + adding a detail) 2021-06-21 17:54 (UTC)

[ Yugi looks down at his hand, unsure in the moment which hurts more: Ra'ss blast or the unexplained bone biting cold that courses from where he made contact with Gentiana. He would have been distracted trying to figure it out if Atem hadn't pushed himself in between them. In a moment, Yugi forgets all about his own pain. His hands immediately go up to try and support the taller ghostly partner as he stares the taller woman down.

He'd argue that he's fine. There's no injuries or damage as far as he can tell. His words stop in his throat at the tone that Atem uses with Gentiana. It rises as he speaks, and Yugi recognizes it instantly. Atem sounds more like himself. Maybe he doesn't even realize it. He always admires the selflessness that Yugi has ... but Yugi wonders if Atem even realizes how selfless he can be in his own rights.

Once Atem hits the floor with one knee, Yugi is right beside him. His hands are on the Pharaoh's arm and back to help prop him up. 'Don't say that! Of course you're fit to hold that title! I know you don't think you are, and you don't believe it, but you ARE.'

Somethings are still better left said between the two of them without the prying ears of others.

Gentiana stands with her hands at her side. Her gaze doesn't waver as Atem meets hers to stare her down. She allows him to speak his piece of mind without interruption and waits to see if he will stand tall. Even if it is for the briefest of moments. Does he fight or collapse under the weight of a perceived unknown threat? ]

Demands made truly by a king. [ The ice-sharp exterior seems to melt away. The room still remains cold, but, the woman's posture changes. A small smile touches the once cruel features and her eyes open. Their amber-green color is oddly warm compared to the exterior that the woman projected out. ] The Pharaoh may find himself lost, but his true nature remains when those he cares for are in danger. He must first stand on his feet of his own accord before the help of others can truly be received. He knows this. Yet, his vessel remains at his side, ever diligent and waiting for the Pharaoh to take the next step in reclaiming what is his.

[ A test? Even now? Yugi glares, feeling his own level of exhaustion. How many more tests are people going to put Atem through? He bites back his own remark. He can tell that Gentiana is trying to help in her own way. She protects, and maybe even guides, Lunafreya through things. She's trying to do the same thing by testing Atem's resolve. Yugi just feels it's not the time or place.

Then, he pauses. Lunafreya.

He turns his head to look at the woman he originally dragged Atem to see. She still remains sitting where she had been with her hands now neatly entwined with one another in her lap. Her gaze is focused on the floor in front of her, her bangs and hair hiding her eyes from the scene. Yugi doesn't need to see her eyes to know what she's feeling. He can recognize that emotion on anyone because he lived that way for so long. Someone who feels as if they don't belong and that they're an outsider.

A pang of guilt hits him then. Everyone else in the room can see Atem but her. The person that has helped the pair of them ever since they met her during the Battle City Tournament. She's never once voiced an issue with being unable to see or hear Atem, but, Yugi can tell it's different now. Lunafreya was there for Atem when he couldn't be, and now she has been sidelined. Not that she'll ever raise her voice or object to it. She quietly plays the role that is given to her, and Yugi knows that she will even if it's exactly opposite of what she wants.

He frowns and glances down. He hasn't meant to upset or hurt her during all this... but maybe that's part of why Gentiana reacted the way she did. His vision was so tunneled forward on trying to help Atem that he didn't consider what it must be like for Lunafreya. For someone who spends her whole life aiding others to not be ale to see the person who she wants to help...

Damnit, why is he is blind and childish still even after everything that has happened? ]

Conflict was settled in the Pharaoh's time through strength of magic and the beings they could command - spirit or human armies. How well one could project their power and also protect what was important to them was determined by the way they waged battle. [ Gentiana continues on as if she hasn't seen the change in attitude of Atem's partner. Her gaze remains locked with the disembodied soul. Yes, she can see him as if he was flesh and blood in front of her. ] The Pharaoh and his vessel have chosen the reincarnation of spirit battles to be their sword, and their shield. The way the two communicate is through the cards and monsters they play. Should you, Pharaoh, wish to regain what is lost, it is the best course of action. If both are willing.

[ Then, Gentiana pauses and raises her eyes to the woman that has been silent for a fair amount of time. ]

Should this duel take place, and what is lost is found, then I will impart all that it is I know of three thousand years ago. If the Oracle finds this resolution to be fair.

[ '...What she knows about three thousand years ago? But, she's not from Egypt--how can she know anything about your memories?!' Yugi turns his gaze to look back at Atem. ]

[ Eventually, Atem's gaze shifts away from Gentiana's, and he turns his head to that he can look Yugi in the eyes. It baffles him how his beloved partner can stand beside him and even hold him up when he falls after everything he's done. Of course he's aware that people can forgive, even when a great wrong has been done to them, but Yugi's capacity for forgiveness and his ability to love are so great that it just puts Atem to shame every time.

For just a moment, Atem stays there with Yugi propping him up because he just needs this moment to regroup and try and make sense of his own feelings. When Yugi speaks those words to him, words that are meant to be reassuring, he does his best to listen to them, to let them sink in. It's true that he doesn't really believe that any more than he believes in himself right now, but maybe if he just lets those words sink into him, he'll begin to actually believe it. ]

And if I am, what then? There are no more Pharaohs, and from what we've both learned, the Egypt that I should remember is no more.

[ He doesn't wish to voice this aloud, but it seems to him that in more ways than one, his past existence and who he was then has been rendered meaningless.

And where he once would have drawn despair from that, now he just sees it as possibly being a chance to reshape his own identity, and a chance for him to decide who he is with or without his memories.

Of course, that all depends on whether or not he can stand on his own again and not be locked in this state of emptiness and uncertainty.

For his part, he falls silent once more, the fire that drove him to his feet in the first place ebbing away as he listens to Gentiana speaking. That almost righteous fury that was triggered by Gentiana silencing Yugi has faded into a barely flickering flame.

He can recognize the truths contained Gentiana's words, but he is hardly in a mindset where he can take them and turn them into actions. So for that reason, he remains silent, letting her words wash over him while he tries to contemplate a response. It isn't her that he ultimately responds to, choosing instead to focus on Yugi for the moment.

One eye is on Lunafreya, however, because he wonders why she's been silent thus far. It concerns him, and he realizes that he doesn't particularly like it. When he's addressed Yugi, he means to ask him if he'll either speak to Lunafreya directly or pass on a message. ]

I don't know how that's possible, Yugi, but it seems as though we will have to engage each other in a duel if we want to find out.

[ And while he tries to hide his reluctance to do so, he also knows that Yugi will be able to see right through that mask. ]

Is this something you wish to do?

[ If Yugi says yes, and Atem suspects that he will, then of course he'll go along with the duel and the terms that Gentiana has set, but he would be lying if he said that the thought doesn't terrify him. ]

[ In Yugi's mind, he has spent far too much time alone in his life. Now that he has the friends he so longed for? He's going to do anything for them. Anything. They're the most precious thing to him. It all happened because of solving the Puzzle, and therefore, he feels as if he can never truly repay Atem for it. He knows his other self would tell him that he owes him nothing. But, that can just be one minor thing they disagree about.

'There's still kings and queens in the world. Japan has changed so much from what the Emperor is used to seeing. I bet England has too for their Queen. You're still a Pharaoh, Other Me. You're a leader and you inspire people. There's more to being a king or queen than just having a kingdom.'

Or, he'd think so anyways. Lunafreya probably would know more about that than Yugi would. Still, he's going to insist that Atem is still a Pharaoh. He's not only a Pharaoh, but Yugi has the feeling he was a fair and caring one. He has no proof other than the lengths Atem has gone for all of the. Though, that's all the proof he really needs. Somehow, Atem stopped seeing all this, and he's not quite sure how to remind him.

Maybe a duel is what they need.

His gaze pulls away from Lunafreya and returns to Atem at his question. How should he answer this? Of course he wants to duel Atem. Even before the suggestion after Battle City, Yugi had wanted to duel him. Everyone else has gotten to duel the combination of both of them, except him. Namely because of the logistics of it all. They can't have two decks and just swap between who controls the body. They'd see each others hands and know exactly the strategy the other would use. Even with the logistics issue aside, he isn't sure if his other self wants to really do it. Would his heart be in it as much as Yugi's? Has Atem ever just played Duel Monsters for fun? They dueled Joey at the end of Battle City to test each other... but even that was competitive.

Just another test.

It takes a moment longer for him to find the best way to phrase it all.

'I want to help you in anyway that I can. I'm supposed to be the one that takes care of the Millennium Puzzle. That means - to me - taking care of you.' Yugi nods finally. 'It's been one battle after another since Duelist Kingdom. Even if we were finally able to communicate with one another and really learn about each other at the end of it? We don't have something in this game that's just ours. Something that we can say we share. If we can find that, and that can help bring back what you've lost? Don't we at least have to at least try , Other Me?'

He pauses for a second. 'But, I'm not going to force you into it. If you don't want to? Then we'll find another way.'

Then, he glances behind him. Outside of a few instances, Yugi has never had an issue with Atem taking over for whatever he might want. Those few times were dire and came down to a difference of what mattered. He's tried to encourage Atem to make his own memories and existence outside of just their shared bond. Lunafreya, to Yugi, is one of those people that he can say Atem knows better than him. Oddly enough? Yugi is fine with that. He knows that Lunafreya cares about his other self as much as he does. Maybe he shouldn't, but, he trusts her entirely when it comes to that.

'...Do you want to talk to Luna? If you do, then you should. We can talk about the duel later.'

While the two have been discussing their next move, Lunafreya has pushed herself to stand upright. It takes more effort than she would care to admit or even show. She is even grateful that the two seem to be so involved in their own conversation between one another that they do not see how she struggles. The usual graceful motion of her standing is shaken. A moment is taken to gather herself before she turns to the three. Rather, the two, from what she can see.

She is aware as to why Gentiana is asking her opinion on the matter as the Oracle. What she proposes as the 'prize' would require the two of them. Lunafreya allows her shoulders to sag, the injured one more so as she takes the sight in. It is obvious given how Yugi's body language is where Atem rests. That fact does little to ease the dull ache she has inside her. The one that she is currently bottling up and hiding from all three. ]

It is yours to share, Gentiana. If you wish to, then, I will help in anyway that I can.

[ It is clear that it is not quite the answer Gentiana was hoping to receive. The amber-green eyes narrow but only a moment before they fall to Atem and Yugi. Her hands fold in front of her as she waits for their answer. ]

[ Atem would insist that Yugi owes him nothing. As far as he's concerned, Yugi was always destined to solve the Puzzle, and so they were destined to become partners. There was a time when he wondered if perhaps he'd ruined Yugi's life, or at the very least, made his life more difficult. But at least he can recognize that those thoughts were not a reflection of how he truly feels, because he believes that the paths he and Yugi were on were always meant to intersect.

As Yugi goes on talking about the various rulers of kingdoms that still exist in the world, Atem's expression shifts into something more pensive and thoughtful. For him, there is a difference between the Emperor in Japan and the Queen of England, not that he's any sort of authority on either individual. They still have something that they rule over, or at least have some control over. What does he have?

Who does he lead? Yugi and his friends? That seems like a stretch, considering they all work together to get things done. Perhaps he's managed to inspire them before, but he doesn't see how that means he's still a Pharaoh. By now, anyone that he would have known from his past life has gone to their rest, making him the last remaining relic of a time lost to the sands of Egypt. ]

I know what you're trying to say, Yugi, but it isn't necessary. I know that there are those who still call me Pharaoh, but- [ His words trail off there, because what is there to say? There's no bringing the Egypt that he once knew back, even if he was the sort of person who dwelled heavily in the past. Everyone has to move forward while still respecting where they came from, and that's what he's been trying to do. His progress forward has been derailed a little bit, however.

His thoughts then turn as well to how they might make a duel between them work. From where he's standing, it would be a hard thing to actually accomplish, but when have they ever let something like that stop them? For just a moment, Yugi's plainly worded statement about taking care of the Millennium Puzzle and taking care of Atem takes him by surprise.

Spirits don't need to be taken care of, and yet when Atem looks back on the long years that he spent wandering about the stairs and corridors of the Millennium Puzzle, there was no one to care for him but himself. The idea of someone caring for him is something of a foreign notion, but even with that, he finds the idea of Yugi trying to take care of him not at all unwelcome. But at the same time, he's unwilling to saddle his partner with more responsibilities than the ones he already has. ]

You're right, Yugi. [ As usual. ] It's about time that the two of us finally had something that we can share. [ Aside from the bond that they already have, of course. And he has to force away the thought that springs unbidden into his mind: You nearly broke that bond with your fear and your arrogance. ]

We still need to try. [ But there's very little confidence in his voice, not even in how he holds himself as he says those words. Oh, there's some, of course, because even at his lowest point, there's no dislodging Atem's core of strength, whether or not he recognizes it. ] You won't be forcing me into anything.

[ He'll have to force himself to push past his fear of losing control again if he wants to reclaim his believe in himself and return to the path that he's meant to be on. The only problem is, just thinking about facing that particular fear is nearly enough to restart that tremor in his hands that surfaced when Kaiba came and forced him into a duel.

Fortunately, Atem is distracted from focusing on those ripples of fear that start out small and grow larger as they travel outward. Yugi mentions Luna, and talking to her, and then he casts his gaze over to where she's standing, if it can be called that. Something about how she holds herself suggests unsteadiness, even weakness, and he wishes he could stand next to her and hold her up as she once did for him.

Finally, he just shakes his head. Of course he wishes to speak with her, to try and offer her some small semblance of the comfort she gave him; but even though he desperately wants to reach out to her, that small voice in his head is telling him that he shouldn't prolong this duel with Yugi any more than it already has been. Perhaps nothing will come of it, and it will only have been a fruitless venture.

But even if he doesn't find what he lost, at the very least, he won't have let his fear continue to rule over him. ]

If we go through with it, how will we have this duel? [ The question is directed at Yugi, of course, but also at Lunafreya and Gentiana. It seems to Atem that there is no easy way of making it a reality. ]

[ Yugi falls quiet at Atem's answer. It's true. They can't bring back the Egypt that his other self would know. All that is left of it is ruins and relics. Still, it existed. He existed there. If Yugi has learned one thing throughout all of these adventures? It's the fact that the past still rules the present. The Tomb Keepers, the tablet in the museum, the Millennium Items. The fact that Lunafreya is the Oracle. Ancient traditions haven't died out if someone sees how magic is all around them. That alone should mean that it still matters if Atem was a Pharaoh.

He'd say all this, but, he can tell Atem has made up his mind. The only way to change that is by showing him. Even then it might not change his mind, but, at least introduce the idea to him. What more can he do than that? He may call Atem his other self, but, he is his own person with his own thoughts and drives. The Orichalcos Seal proved that alone. He can't force the ancient spirit to believe or accept anything he doesn't want to.

It probably just best to leave that part of the conversation where it is for now. There are times to push an issue and times to let them rest. Other things require their attention for now. So, he nods in agreement. He just hopes that through their duel he can show Atem that being a Pharaoh still has a place in this world.

Even if that place is with a handful of people.

No, it isn't the same as ruling over a kingdom. It isn't the same as being worshiped or being seen as a god. What it is, though, is something. All things have a place in this world. Even his own unhappy past has a place. If it wasn't for that, then, he'd never need the Puzzle or Atem's help. It was painful to go through... but something precious came out of it.

That's something else he feels he needs to remind his other self of.

'Are you sure? Because, it sounds like I am.'

Yugi frowns as he watches the quiet exchange between Atem and Luna - if it could even be called that. The two can't communicate in any way and he can tell how it's bothering both of them. This problem should be easily fixed. Yugi takes Atem's spot, and Atem can speak freely to both Gentiana and Lunafreya. It should really just be that easy. Except he can tell it isn't. He could switch with him, but, he'd probably still only focus on talking about what steps to take next.

'It's fine if you want to talk to Luna.' Yugi insists it. 'We still need to build our decks anyways, right? Ten minutes - even an hour isn't going to be a problem. You should talk to her...'

Then, Atem asks his question, and Yugi has the feeling that his point won't leave it's impression. The Pharaoh is already taking the next steps forward and going down a path. The one that Yugi tries so hard to follow him on. It's a path he gladly will walk, but, he can tell there is always that distance between the two of them on that path. Atem might have stumbled and fallen, but, he's still pushing forward faster than Yugi can keep up.

He looks back to Lunafreya. Now it feels like there's someone else left behind on that path, but, she stays where she is at as the world continues on forward. Is that what it really means to be the Oracle? Speaking with the spirits of Duel Monsters is one thing. Balancing the worlds and using magic to heal others is another. But, does it really mean that she has to be rooted in one place and unable to move forward with the rest of the world? Yugi, of course, doesn't know. He doesn't even share those thoughts with anyone. Even with that, however, he can feel that Gentiana is looking at him as if she knows.

Knowing that gaze is on him feels like a confirmation. ]

The Pharaoh or the vessel will need one to wield the cards that are chosen. [ Gentiana answers the question out loud. ] One that can both see and hear the one who decides to relent the body to the other.

Which means...

[ Yugi doesn't bother to finish his sentence out loud or to Atem. It's obvious what it means. Someone with a Millennium Item would need to be present. That, or, Gentiana herself.

He raises his eyes to look at the amber-green ones staring back at him. There is a solemn nod the woman gives. The Oracle can speak to the spirits of another realm and act as a way of communication between both worlds. But, that's not the same world that Atem or he inhabit when the other is in control of his body. Which means that the woman who has helped his other self when he couldn't is forced to be on the sideline for something she should be able to be apart of.

That's not right. It's not fair. Yugi keeps the thought to himself. His other self is upset enough.

Instead, he looks back at Atem. 'You are the one that duels for both of us, Other Me. It's normal for you to be the physical one in a duel. So, I can work with Gentiana.' ]

[ Atem is the last person who would disagree on that count. How many times did he try to impress upon Kaiba that a good part of their connection stems from something that happened in the past? Of course, Kaiba wasn't inclined to listen, but as far as Atem is concerned, there's no arguing with the scenario depicted on the Memory Tablet from the museum. There is evidence all around them that confirms that the past still very much informs the present. He won't dispute that fact: aspects of the past remain alive and well because of individuals like the Tomb Keepers, Ishizu, and of course, the Millennium Items. Even Lunafreya herself, in the role of Oracle, is another callback to days gone by.

And in all honesty, Atem doesn't want to be worshiped or viewed as a god; that might have been the sentiments of the citizens of Egypt, but all he wants is to be near those he calls his friends and family, and if that is his place in this world, then that is enough for him. It's true that he's lost sight of that place and of where he belongs, but somewhere deep inside him, he still believes that to be true. ]

I'm sure, Yugi. If I felt as though you were forcing my hand in this, I would- [ Something in his heart clenches then, but he ignores it, not wanting to waste time trying to sort out his confused feelings, and forces himself to continue. ] I would tell you if I felt that way.

[ Perhaps it's a mark of the respect that he has for Yugi that he's acceding to this duel. If Gentiana had continued with her lecture and thus pushed Atem into dueling Yugi, giving him no options, he might still be arguing with the woman who stands so resolutely at Lunafreya's side.

But Yugi, with his kindness and his gentler approach, stirs up something in Atem that he can't even begin to name. It isn't treating Yugi as though he's fragile, because in so many ways, his partner is much stronger than Atem himself. He hasn't always acted with kindness or with consideration for others, but in every instance, in every challenge that rises up in their path, Yugi is always there offering his own brand of kindness, understanding, and a special kind of selfless love that Atem believes he still has much to learn about. ]

Even so, this is something that I want to do. [ For you, he thinks to himself. He remembers how happy Yugi was when he made the suggestion that they duel each other back in Battle City, and regardless of his own complicated feelings, he knows one thing: he wants Yugi to have that wish fulfilled. His own thoughts and emotions might be scattered to the winds, leaving him trying to pick up the pieces and pull them (and himself) all back together, but now he realizes that if a duel is truly what Yugi wants, he will do his best to make it memorable, whether he wins or loses.

Atem's eyes are still on Lunafreya even as Yugi continues to speak, insisting that there's time enough for the two of them to speak. Atem's expression shifts into something more conflicted, because he wants a moment with her. Before, when he was lost in his own mind, he might not have been able to discern how she goes back and forth between being the Oracle and just being herself, but now that his sight is somewhat clear again, he thinks he can see the push and pull going on inside her. And to him, it appears as though she's pushing her true self down and slipping back into the role of Oracle: present and ready to do her duty, but locking away her own wants and desires, seemingly for the good of others.

He knows they had a connection over the long days and even longer nights while Yugi was gone, and the support that she gave him means everything to him, but try as he might, he can't see a way for them to reconcile who they are (her, the Oracle, and him, the displaced spirit) with how close they became during Yugi's absence.

Atem also knows that he's far from being where he was before all his started and his confidence took the hit that left it shattered into pieces, but like it or not, duty is calling and he knows he has to begin making his way down his chosen path once again. But even as he takes those first steps, he can still see Lunafreya and Yugi behind him, and the part of him that is desperately reaching for their companionship and their support wants to turn back from the path just long enough to pull them up and bring them along with him. Leaving them behind is out of the question, even as he feels the pull of destiny and the momentum that's pushing him forward. Another thought assails him then: what if the reason Lunafreya's standing there, seemingly rooted in place, is because she no longer has the desire to accompany him in his journey forward?

She spoke of wanting to be beside him as herself, as someone who loves him, but what if she's also come to the realization that there is no middle ground between being the Oracle and just being a girl?

That thought cuts into him and stings more than he expected it would, but if that's even a remote possibility, he can't let a sign of it show on his face. Instead, he proposes another idea, born largely from the fact that he feels that Yugi deserves the opportunity to be in control at least for this one duel. Yes, he realizes that it leaves Lunafreya still on the sidelines, but there isn't a way that he can see to allow all three of them to be physically present and active participants in this duel.

And if he might allow himself one more moment of selfishness, to duel Gentiana acting as Yugi's standby wouldn't feel the same as if he were dueling his partner directly. It isn't foolproof logic, because if he chooses Gentiana to act for him, then he still really isn't facing him, but the logistics being what they are means that someone will always have to have another make the plays for them. ]

I think, in this case, Yugi, you should be the one who has the physical form. I should be the one who works alongside Gentiana.

[ He won't insist on having it his way if Yugi has further reservations, but he believes his proposed solution is the only fair one. Unfortunately, it isn't particularly fair to Lunafreya, and that bothers him more than he's letting on. ]

Edited (Last edit grr, found another typo ) 2021-06-23 00:25 (UTC)

[ Kaiba... well, he is his own mess. Someone bogged down with a horrible past, a previous life, and a constructed view of the world he can't let be challenged. Though, Yugi can tell deep down Kaiba knows everything is true. There is just too much that has happened for him to deny it to himself. Deny it to everyone else though? Probably. Kaiba cares more about his image than the rest of them. It's probably because he is the face of the company that has his adopted name.

There are so many things about all of it that Yugi would want to talk to Kaiba about... but that's more of a brick wall than Atem's uncertainty. Still, Yugi does see their rival as one of his friends. They've been through too much to really consider the man just a stranger or just a dueling partner.

Yugi barely nods in response. He still feels as if he has forced his friend's hand in all of this. While he already has an intention and outlining idea of what he wants to do in this duel? There is a feeling of doubt that clings to him. He doesn't want to push his other self, even if Atem seems to do best when he is pushed. This, though, just feels like something that shouldn't be forced.

The situation is all horribly ironic. Yugi wants to do this to help Atem; to fulfill a promise that he made. While he has always wanted to duel him? It was Atem's idea. Something that the two of them had unique to all the other duels they had faced so far. Their last duel wasn't even a real one in Yugi's mind. He was copying a strategy and set of moves to make a point. None of that duel was moves or cards that he wants to use now. It's going to be their first real duel together, and Yugi isn't going to let his best friend down on a promise.

He quietly watches Atem's expression change as he looks at Lunafreya. How can this be so damn difficult? It's not like they haven't switched to talk to people before. Why would this be so different? Even he can tell that natural attraction the two had has changed into something more. So, why are they just creating this gap between them? It's heartbreaking to watch. Is it because he's back now and they have to share his body? No, even though part of him thinks it is. The reality is even if he forced Atem's hand and swapped places? The two wouldn't cross the gap being made between them. His frown deepens as he isn't sure how to fix it. It has to be able to repaired before it gets worse.

'...Wait, really? Are you sure?' Yugi blinks once. Then twice. He is surprised that his other self would even trust Gentiana with representing him after all this. Or, maybe, its because Atem doesn't trust Gentiana with him?. That would make more sense. Still, it's strange to think he's going to be the one in control of his body during a duel. 'If that's what you want to do? Then, I'm fine with it.'

He turns his attention back to the taller woman and meets her amber-green gaze. Part of him is surprised her eyes are still open. That means she's really not blind...right? So, why does she even close her eyes most the time? ]

We accept the terms of the duel. [ It's odd to be so formal, but it feels like he has to be for some reason. ] We're going to need the time to make our own decks though. We usually make it together...

[ Gentiana holds the one finger up again. ] One full day should suffice for time. It allows the Pharaoh and his vessel the time to ready their servants as well as rest before hand. It also allows the Oracle time to prepare as well.

[ '...Prepare for what?' Yugi decides directing the question to Atem is better than asking Gentiana. He may not know either, but, he feels like he shouldn't ask a question like that out loud. If only because she probably wouldn't answer it.

Then, he feels something squeeze his shoulder. Yugi nearly jumps straight into the air. There might have been a yelp of surprise that left him as well. He feels his cheeks redden at the idea that the others in the room sawsuch a reaction. He tilts his head back to see Lunafreya standing directly behind the them. One hand obviously rests on his shoulder while the other injured one rests at her side next to Atem, left open for him to take it if he wishes.

Yeah. He's definitely embarrassed now. ]

Geeze, Luna...

[ Lunafreya doesn't answer him. Her eyes are locked to Gentiana. It is almost as if the two are having a conversation amongst themselves. Yugi isn't sure how that could be possible though. They're not bound by some mystical object like he and Atem are -- are they? Whatever it is that happens between the two is never said out loud. The only thing that really gives a hint as to what it must be about is the fact that Lunafreya eventually drops her gaze to avoid all of them.

Her hands curl slightly as if clinging onto the two. Yugi finds himself blinking again - despite his reddened posture - and notices how weak her hold is. His eyebrows turn upwards in worry. ]

[ For his part, Atem feels as though he has to keep his true thoughts about how he feels about himself and Lunafreya to himself. Speaking them aloud would only cause more hurt for both of them and bring about more anger from his partner. But now that he's thinking back to what he did during those days without Yugi, he's beginning to think that he made a terrible mistake. His judgment was most certainly off-center, because if he'd been thinking properly, he never would have let things get this far between himself and Lunafreya. He should have known that they could never have a proper relationship or a future. Even if Yugi willingly extended permission to both of them to make use of his body whenever they wanted to be together, Atem would never allow himself to take advantage of that. Yugi deserves to have a life just as much as he does, and the last thing Atem wants is to be the roadblock getting in the way of that.

And then there is the part about how Atem isn't truly part of this world. No, he's feeling more and more resolved to stay for as long as people want him to be there, but what if a time comes in which he has to leave? Just because he can't foresee anything forcing his hand like that doesn't mean it isn't a remote possibility.

Now he sees that the reason for Lunafreya's evident heartbreak is because of him: because he let their attachment develop, and now they're facing reality in all its harshness. If they didn't have preparations for a duel pending, Atem would just retreat into the Puzzle where he could let out some of his pent-up frustrations. As it is, the temptation to do just that is still very strong. ]

Yes, this is what I want to do. [ At least if he and Gentiana are the ones working together, Yugi is free to be in control, and to not have to worry about a repeat encounter with the taller lady. Not that Atem truly thinks Gentiana will repeat what she did earlier, but whether he realizes it or not, he doesn't wish to provide her with an opening again.

He's about to make some kind of comment agreeing with the timeframe of a full day when something unexpected happens. Suddenly, Yugi's nearly jumping into the air, but all Atem can see is Lunafreya standing behind him, and he just gives Yugi a bemused sort of look. ]

What happened, Yugi? [ He sees the color rising in Yugi's cheeks, but that's not what ultimately draws his attention. First is the way that Lunafreya and Gentiana are seemingly conversing without words. He too wonders how they're managing to go about it. It doesn't seem strange to him that they might have a bond like his and Yugi's, and perhaps they even rely on a magical intervention to make it possible. It's one thing among many that he remains unsure of.

The other thing that's caught is eye is how Lunafreya has a hand resting on Yugi's shoulder. Her other hand, the one that she seems to be favoring for reasons he doesn't really want to think about, is poised and held in such a way that he might be able to take it, if he decides to.

And for once, he doesn't debate with himself about what the right thing to do here is. He just reaches for her hand, knowing she most likely won't be able to feel it, and he shouldn't even be able to touch it at all. But that's not going to stop him. His fingers try to wrap around hers, but as he expected, they just pass right through. There's nothing more that he can do except to remain there with his hand halfway phased through hers while he looks at their two hands together with regret and a sadness that just falls on him like a heavy cloak.

But there is one thing that he can do, even if she still won't be able to feel his hand on hers, and this request is one he wishes to keep between himself and Yugi. It has nothing to do with feeling apprehension about how Gentiana will react, but even he has to admit that he's more comfortable with speaking to Yugi and having them be the only ones who can hear it. ]

Yugi, would you do something for me?

Edited (adding a detail) 2021-06-23 05:28 (UTC)

[ If only Yugi really knew what was the cause of this gap between them. Their friends attempted to fill in the gaps while Atem had retreated into the Puzzle. They split up at one point - after Kaiba had collected the God Cards. Lunafreya was chosen to stay behind with his other self. They had to have grown close with just the two of them together. The heartbreaking display isn't what tells him that. It was how the Pharaoh hovered over the sleeping Oracle on the helicopter ride back to Florida. It was the glances that he caught Lunafreya giving him - as if she was trying to discern if he had Atem accompanying him. It is so obvious that they are worried about one another.

Why won't they bridge that gap?

'You know EXACTLY what happened!' His cheeks flush more at the tease. His posture straightens as he does his best to recover from the embarrassing affair. Even Gentiana smiles in amusement at the display. ]

Do you mean just a day or a full twenty-four hours? [ It may seem like a ridiculous question, but, they did arrive in the middle of the night. Gentiana can't mean for them to just show back up then--right? ] I mean, either works for us, but... what works best for you and Luna?

[ Gentiana's gaze shifts from Lunafreya, to Yugi, then back to the Oracle. Lunafreya shakes her head. The timing hardly matters to her. ]

Tomorrow night. After those that keep the company of the Pharaoh and the vessel have left the two alone.

[ Yugi nods. They can make it work. His other self doesn't really sleep. Most likely he'll retreat into the Puzzle after he has finished his deck. Despite the fact that their friends want to spend time with Atem as well? There is a deep sinking feeling that Atem is going to continue to pull away from all of them. Unless, some how, this duel works the magical miracle he is hoping it will.

If he is ever asked if he has seen the small gesture from his other self? He'll lie with no hesitation. Neither one of the two beside him need to know how much he sees. The small looks, how their hands naturally reach out for one another. Suddenly, his own longing to be with the person he loves seems to be inconsequential. It's different for him and Téa. He knows she doesn't return his affection and... he's learning to settle with it. This -- them? The affection is shared. It has grown into something that he can only wish he could have. That's why he is so baffled that they simply refuse to act on it.

They love each other.

Yugi's attention snaps back to Atem the moment he says his name. His own thoughts had wandered and left him staring off to the side. Do something for him?

'Yeah, of course.' His answer is immediate, no hesitation. 'Anything. What is it?' ]

[ It's a strange place to be in, but it seems as though some of the details of the time Atem and Lunafreya spent together have been relegated to the back of Atem's mind. They were together more often than they were apart, and words were exchanged that might as well have been promises to continue to be there for each other. So why is it so hard for him to reach out to her now? He has no answer for that. They both have their respective duties, but surely those can be briefly set aside long enough for them to reforge their connection and bridge that gap that's widening between them.

But Atem is making no further moves to do so, and Lunafreya's barely moved at all. It isn't how he wants things to be, but something is tripping him up and causing him to hesitate.

Atem's eyebrows just lift in response to Yugi's exclamation; he genuinely missed what it was that startled Yugi so much. He places the blame on the fact that his concentration is not even close to what it used to be, but he doesn't have time to comment, because Yugi's already moving on to ask for clarification about the timing of their duel. ]

Tomorrow night will be enough time. [ He agrees with Yugi; they can make it work. Selecting a deck shouldn't take them terribly long, even with his own difficulties focusing.

And in all honesty, as before, his reasons for pulling away have nothing to do with a lack of interest in spending time with them. It's more that he feels he isn't fit company for anyone, given his own lack of focus and general state of withdrawal. He supposes their friends would understand, but he isn't quite ready just yet.

If he knew how Yugi was feeling, how he still longs for the person that he loves, Atem would do everything he could to reach out to her and see if there wasn't something he could do to draw them together. It's an idea that has become buried beneath other thoughts and concerns, but it isn't so far out of reach that he won't be able to uncover it again. As with Lunafreya, Atem owes Yugi a great debt, one that he knows he could spend several lifetimes trying to repay. Perhaps if he can successfully ignite a spark of attraction between them, that will be a step in the right direction. But that will have to wait until Atem's found his footing once again.

At the moment, Atem's eyes are still focused on where his hand rests with Lunafreya's, but the gesture means nothing if she is unaware of it. He realizes how strange this request may sound, but he knows Yugi's powers of empathy are strong enough that he'll also understand. ]

Will you please tell Luna that I'm holding her hand?

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