YGO PSL | ❝ shadows in the city, like a demon in the dark, come to tear us apart. ❞

[inheritedpuzzle]

STARGAZING

( continued from here). it's time for sad duels and talking with dragon wife! )


[ It's so frustrating. Yugi feels as if his words can't pierce whatever dark cloud hangs over his other self. It sticks to him like wet clothes and he's unable to just rip them off. It's a side of Atem that Yugi has never seen before, and, part of him wonders if he really can help remove that shadow. He's unable to forgive himself for being human and having a moment of weakness. A moment with dire fallout and consequences, but, they overcame it. Dartz's soul is freed, the darkness beaten back for at least a little while, and they all lived to see it through.

Yugi can't think of more to ask for. He knows that his other self is looking for something or someone to tell him that it's alright in the end. Except, even if Atem hears it, will he believe it? Despite his constant reassurances and remarks, he can see how that shadow haunts the eyes of the usually confident spirit.

Well... Yugi isn't going to give up. He's going to keep trying to convince Atem and show him what he can.

It just might be something he can't do alone.

A determined look comes to his eyes and he is already walking past Atem. He isn't dismissing the older spirit or the look he gives him. Instead, he's pulling on his school jacket. He looks back at Atem, knowing it looks a little ridiculous that he has his jacket on over his pajamas and socks to top it off. It's as close as he's going to get to wearing slippers though.

Cultural habits never really die. ]

Come on, we're going. [ No room for debate in his tone. ] I can feel you want to ask me something. So, ask along the way.

[ They're going and that's final.

He just knows that if he tell Atem where they're going that he'll insist they don't. There will be a million reasons as to why they shouldn't, while ignoring the main reason they should. In Yugi's mind, there's one other person that can help him shake the shadow that hangs over his partner. She helped Atem when Yugi couldn't. Who else can he ask? ]

And don't think about backing out of whatever it is you want to ask me. I'll pester you the whole way there until you do.

Comments

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem is the last person who would disagree on that count. How many times did he try to impress upon Kaiba that a good part of their connection stems from something that happened in the past? Of course, Kaiba wasn't inclined to listen, but as far as Atem is concerned, there's no arguing with the scenario depicted on the Memory Tablet from the museum. There is evidence all around them that confirms that the past still very much informs the present. He won't dispute that fact: aspects of the past remain alive and well because of individuals like the Tomb Keepers, Ishizu, and of course, the Millennium Items. Even Lunafreya herself, in the role of Oracle, is another callback to days gone by.

And in all honesty, Atem doesn't want to be worshiped or viewed as a god; that might have been the sentiments of the citizens of Egypt, but all he wants is to be near those he calls his friends and family, and if that is his place in this world, then that is enough for him. It's true that he's lost sight of that place and of where he belongs, but somewhere deep inside him, he still believes that to be true. ]

I'm sure, Yugi. If I felt as though you were forcing my hand in this, I would- [ Something in his heart clenches then, but he ignores it, not wanting to waste time trying to sort out his confused feelings, and forces himself to continue. ] I would tell you if I felt that way.

[ Perhaps it's a mark of the respect that he has for Yugi that he's acceding to this duel. If Gentiana had continued with her lecture and thus pushed Atem into dueling Yugi, giving him no options, he might still be arguing with the woman who stands so resolutely at Lunafreya's side.

But Yugi, with his kindness and his gentler approach, stirs up something in Atem that he can't even begin to name. It isn't treating Yugi as though he's fragile, because in so many ways, his partner is much stronger than Atem himself. He hasn't always acted with kindness or with consideration for others, but in every instance, in every challenge that rises up in their path, Yugi is always there offering his own brand of kindness, understanding, and a special kind of selfless love that Atem believes he still has much to learn about. ]

Even so, this is something that I want to do. [ For you, he thinks to himself. He remembers how happy Yugi was when he made the suggestion that they duel each other back in Battle City, and regardless of his own complicated feelings, he knows one thing: he wants Yugi to have that wish fulfilled. His own thoughts and emotions might be scattered to the winds, leaving him trying to pick up the pieces and pull them (and himself) all back together, but now he realizes that if a duel is truly what Yugi wants, he will do his best to make it memorable, whether he wins or loses.

Atem's eyes are still on Lunafreya even as Yugi continues to speak, insisting that there's time enough for the two of them to speak. Atem's expression shifts into something more conflicted, because he wants a moment with her. Before, when he was lost in his own mind, he might not have been able to discern how she goes back and forth between being the Oracle and just being herself, but now that his sight is somewhat clear again, he thinks he can see the push and pull going on inside her. And to him, it appears as though she's pushing her true self down and slipping back into the role of Oracle: present and ready to do her duty, but locking away her own wants and desires, seemingly for the good of others.

He knows they had a connection over the long days and even longer nights while Yugi was gone, and the support that she gave him means everything to him, but try as he might, he can't see a way for them to reconcile who they are (her, the Oracle, and him, the displaced spirit) with how close they became during Yugi's absence.

Atem also knows that he's far from being where he was before all his started and his confidence took the hit that left it shattered into pieces, but like it or not, duty is calling and he knows he has to begin making his way down his chosen path once again. But even as he takes those first steps, he can still see Lunafreya and Yugi behind him, and the part of him that is desperately reaching for their companionship and their support wants to turn back from the path just long enough to pull them up and bring them along with him. Leaving them behind is out of the question, even as he feels the pull of destiny and the momentum that's pushing him forward. Another thought assails him then: what if the reason Lunafreya's standing there, seemingly rooted in place, is because she no longer has the desire to accompany him in his journey forward?

She spoke of wanting to be beside him as herself, as someone who loves him, but what if she's also come to the realization that there is no middle ground between being the Oracle and just being a girl?

That thought cuts into him and stings more than he expected it would, but if that's even a remote possibility, he can't let a sign of it show on his face. Instead, he proposes another idea, born largely from the fact that he feels that Yugi deserves the opportunity to be in control at least for this one duel. Yes, he realizes that it leaves Lunafreya still on the sidelines, but there isn't a way that he can see to allow all three of them to be physically present and active participants in this duel.

And if he might allow himself one more moment of selfishness, to duel Gentiana acting as Yugi's standby wouldn't feel the same as if he were dueling his partner directly. It isn't foolproof logic, because if he chooses Gentiana to act for him, then he still really isn't facing him, but the logistics being what they are means that someone will always have to have another make the plays for them. ]

I think, in this case, Yugi, you should be the one who has the physical form. I should be the one who works alongside Gentiana.

[ He won't insist on having it his way if Yugi has further reservations, but he believes his proposed solution is the only fair one. Unfortunately, it isn't particularly fair to Lunafreya, and that bothers him more than he's letting on. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Kaiba... well, he is his own mess. Someone bogged down with a horrible past, a previous life, and a constructed view of the world he can't let be challenged. Though, Yugi can tell deep down Kaiba knows everything is true. There is just too much that has happened for him to deny it to himself. Deny it to everyone else though? Probably. Kaiba cares more about his image than the rest of them. It's probably because he is the face of the company that has his adopted name.

There are so many things about all of it that Yugi would want to talk to Kaiba about... but that's more of a brick wall than Atem's uncertainty. Still, Yugi does see their rival as one of his friends. They've been through too much to really consider the man just a stranger or just a dueling partner.

Yugi barely nods in response. He still feels as if he has forced his friend's hand in all of this. While he already has an intention and outlining idea of what he wants to do in this duel? There is a feeling of doubt that clings to him. He doesn't want to push his other self, even if Atem seems to do best when he is pushed. This, though, just feels like something that shouldn't be forced.

The situation is all horribly ironic. Yugi wants to do this to help Atem; to fulfill a promise that he made. While he has always wanted to duel him? It was Atem's idea. Something that the two of them had unique to all the other duels they had faced so far. Their last duel wasn't even a real one in Yugi's mind. He was copying a strategy and set of moves to make a point. None of that duel was moves or cards that he wants to use now. It's going to be their first real duel together, and Yugi isn't going to let his best friend down on a promise.

He quietly watches Atem's expression change as he looks at Lunafreya. How can this be so damn difficult? It's not like they haven't switched to talk to people before. Why would this be so different? Even he can tell that natural attraction the two had has changed into something more. So, why are they just creating this gap between them? It's heartbreaking to watch. Is it because he's back now and they have to share his body? No, even though part of him thinks it is. The reality is even if he forced Atem's hand and swapped places? The two wouldn't cross the gap being made between them. His frown deepens as he isn't sure how to fix it. It has to be able to repaired before it gets worse.

'...Wait, really? Are you sure?' Yugi blinks once. Then twice. He is surprised that his other self would even trust Gentiana with representing him after all this. Or, maybe, its because Atem doesn't trust Gentiana with him?. That would make more sense. Still, it's strange to think he's going to be the one in control of his body during a duel. 'If that's what you want to do? Then, I'm fine with it.'

He turns his attention back to the taller woman and meets her amber-green gaze. Part of him is surprised her eyes are still open. That means she's really not blind...right? So, why does she even close her eyes most the time? ]

We accept the terms of the duel. [ It's odd to be so formal, but it feels like he has to be for some reason. ] We're going to need the time to make our own decks though. We usually make it together...

[ Gentiana holds the one finger up again. ] One full day should suffice for time. It allows the Pharaoh and his vessel the time to ready their servants as well as rest before hand. It also allows the Oracle time to prepare as well.

[ '...Prepare for what?' Yugi decides directing the question to Atem is better than asking Gentiana. He may not know either, but, he feels like he shouldn't ask a question like that out loud. If only because she probably wouldn't answer it.

Then, he feels something squeeze his shoulder. Yugi nearly jumps straight into the air. There might have been a yelp of surprise that left him as well. He feels his cheeks redden at the idea that the others in the room sawsuch a reaction. He tilts his head back to see Lunafreya standing directly behind the them. One hand obviously rests on his shoulder while the other injured one rests at her side next to Atem, left open for him to take it if he wishes.

Yeah. He's definitely embarrassed now. ]

Geeze, Luna...

[ Lunafreya doesn't answer him. Her eyes are locked to Gentiana. It is almost as if the two are having a conversation amongst themselves. Yugi isn't sure how that could be possible though. They're not bound by some mystical object like he and Atem are -- are they? Whatever it is that happens between the two is never said out loud. The only thing that really gives a hint as to what it must be about is the fact that Lunafreya eventually drops her gaze to avoid all of them.

Her hands curl slightly as if clinging onto the two. Yugi finds himself blinking again - despite his reddened posture - and notices how weak her hold is. His eyebrows turn upwards in worry. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ For his part, Atem feels as though he has to keep his true thoughts about how he feels about himself and Lunafreya to himself. Speaking them aloud would only cause more hurt for both of them and bring about more anger from his partner. But now that he's thinking back to what he did during those days without Yugi, he's beginning to think that he made a terrible mistake. His judgment was most certainly off-center, because if he'd been thinking properly, he never would have let things get this far between himself and Lunafreya. He should have known that they could never have a proper relationship or a future. Even if Yugi willingly extended permission to both of them to make use of his body whenever they wanted to be together, Atem would never allow himself to take advantage of that. Yugi deserves to have a life just as much as he does, and the last thing Atem wants is to be the roadblock getting in the way of that.

And then there is the part about how Atem isn't truly part of this world. No, he's feeling more and more resolved to stay for as long as people want him to be there, but what if a time comes in which he has to leave? Just because he can't foresee anything forcing his hand like that doesn't mean it isn't a remote possibility.

Now he sees that the reason for Lunafreya's evident heartbreak is because of him: because he let their attachment develop, and now they're facing reality in all its harshness. If they didn't have preparations for a duel pending, Atem would just retreat into the Puzzle where he could let out some of his pent-up frustrations. As it is, the temptation to do just that is still very strong. ]

Yes, this is what I want to do. [ At least if he and Gentiana are the ones working together, Yugi is free to be in control, and to not have to worry about a repeat encounter with the taller lady. Not that Atem truly thinks Gentiana will repeat what she did earlier, but whether he realizes it or not, he doesn't wish to provide her with an opening again.

He's about to make some kind of comment agreeing with the timeframe of a full day when something unexpected happens. Suddenly, Yugi's nearly jumping into the air, but all Atem can see is Lunafreya standing behind him, and he just gives Yugi a bemused sort of look. ]

What happened, Yugi? [ He sees the color rising in Yugi's cheeks, but that's not what ultimately draws his attention. First is the way that Lunafreya and Gentiana are seemingly conversing without words. He too wonders how they're managing to go about it. It doesn't seem strange to him that they might have a bond like his and Yugi's, and perhaps they even rely on a magical intervention to make it possible. It's one thing among many that he remains unsure of.

The other thing that's caught is eye is how Lunafreya has a hand resting on Yugi's shoulder. Her other hand, the one that she seems to be favoring for reasons he doesn't really want to think about, is poised and held in such a way that he might be able to take it, if he decides to.

And for once, he doesn't debate with himself about what the right thing to do here is. He just reaches for her hand, knowing she most likely won't be able to feel it, and he shouldn't even be able to touch it at all. But that's not going to stop him. His fingers try to wrap around hers, but as he expected, they just pass right through. There's nothing more that he can do except to remain there with his hand halfway phased through hers while he looks at their two hands together with regret and a sadness that just falls on him like a heavy cloak.

But there is one thing that he can do, even if she still won't be able to feel his hand on hers, and this request is one he wishes to keep between himself and Yugi. It has nothing to do with feeling apprehension about how Gentiana will react, but even he has to admit that he's more comfortable with speaking to Yugi and having them be the only ones who can hear it. ]

Yugi, would you do something for me?

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ If only Yugi really knew what was the cause of this gap between them. Their friends attempted to fill in the gaps while Atem had retreated into the Puzzle. They split up at one point - after Kaiba had collected the God Cards. Lunafreya was chosen to stay behind with his other self. They had to have grown close with just the two of them together. The heartbreaking display isn't what tells him that. It was how the Pharaoh hovered over the sleeping Oracle on the helicopter ride back to Florida. It was the glances that he caught Lunafreya giving him - as if she was trying to discern if he had Atem accompanying him. It is so obvious that they are worried about one another.

Why won't they bridge that gap?

'You know EXACTLY what happened!' His cheeks flush more at the tease. His posture straightens as he does his best to recover from the embarrassing affair. Even Gentiana smiles in amusement at the display. ]

Do you mean just a day or a full twenty-four hours? [ It may seem like a ridiculous question, but, they did arrive in the middle of the night. Gentiana can't mean for them to just show back up then--right? ] I mean, either works for us, but... what works best for you and Luna?

[ Gentiana's gaze shifts from Lunafreya, to Yugi, then back to the Oracle. Lunafreya shakes her head. The timing hardly matters to her. ]

Tomorrow night. After those that keep the company of the Pharaoh and the vessel have left the two alone.

[ Yugi nods. They can make it work. His other self doesn't really sleep. Most likely he'll retreat into the Puzzle after he has finished his deck. Despite the fact that their friends want to spend time with Atem as well? There is a deep sinking feeling that Atem is going to continue to pull away from all of them. Unless, some how, this duel works the magical miracle he is hoping it will.

If he is ever asked if he has seen the small gesture from his other self? He'll lie with no hesitation. Neither one of the two beside him need to know how much he sees. The small looks, how their hands naturally reach out for one another. Suddenly, his own longing to be with the person he loves seems to be inconsequential. It's different for him and Téa. He knows she doesn't return his affection and... he's learning to settle with it. This -- them? The affection is shared. It has grown into something that he can only wish he could have. That's why he is so baffled that they simply refuse to act on it.

They love each other.

Yugi's attention snaps back to Atem the moment he says his name. His own thoughts had wandered and left him staring off to the side. Do something for him?

'Yeah, of course.' His answer is immediate, no hesitation. 'Anything. What is it?' ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ It's a strange place to be in, but it seems as though some of the details of the time Atem and Lunafreya spent together have been relegated to the back of Atem's mind. They were together more often than they were apart, and words were exchanged that might as well have been promises to continue to be there for each other. So why is it so hard for him to reach out to her now? He has no answer for that. They both have their respective duties, but surely those can be briefly set aside long enough for them to reforge their connection and bridge that gap that's widening between them.

But Atem is making no further moves to do so, and Lunafreya's barely moved at all. It isn't how he wants things to be, but something is tripping him up and causing him to hesitate.

Atem's eyebrows just lift in response to Yugi's exclamation; he genuinely missed what it was that startled Yugi so much. He places the blame on the fact that his concentration is not even close to what it used to be, but he doesn't have time to comment, because Yugi's already moving on to ask for clarification about the timing of their duel. ]

Tomorrow night will be enough time. [ He agrees with Yugi; they can make it work. Selecting a deck shouldn't take them terribly long, even with his own difficulties focusing.

And in all honesty, as before, his reasons for pulling away have nothing to do with a lack of interest in spending time with them. It's more that he feels he isn't fit company for anyone, given his own lack of focus and general state of withdrawal. He supposes their friends would understand, but he isn't quite ready just yet.

If he knew how Yugi was feeling, how he still longs for the person that he loves, Atem would do everything he could to reach out to her and see if there wasn't something he could do to draw them together. It's an idea that has become buried beneath other thoughts and concerns, but it isn't so far out of reach that he won't be able to uncover it again. As with Lunafreya, Atem owes Yugi a great debt, one that he knows he could spend several lifetimes trying to repay. Perhaps if he can successfully ignite a spark of attraction between them, that will be a step in the right direction. But that will have to wait until Atem's found his footing once again.

At the moment, Atem's eyes are still focused on where his hand rests with Lunafreya's, but the gesture means nothing if she is unaware of it. He realizes how strange this request may sound, but he knows Yugi's powers of empathy are strong enough that he'll also understand. ]

Will you please tell Luna that I'm holding her hand?

[inheritedpuzzle]

Other Me agrees. We can be back tomorrow night.

[ Even though the deck they have both settled on is always ready to come to life at any moment, he keeps a portion of additional cards with him in his travel bags. Strategies change in an instant, and they never know what they might need to go up against the next Pegasus, the next Malik. The next Dartz. It should be easy enough for them to dismantle the deck they have put together to make new ones. Not all their favorite cards manage to make it into the deck every time after all.

Yugi glances up at Lunafreya and then the hand she rests on his shoulder. He hadn't expected Lunafreya to move -- let alone put her hand on his shoulder. Although it doesn't bother him. He hasn't moved to remove her hand or brush her away. There is always something comforting about her presence and her touch; even now when she seems to be so weak. Not that his other self can tell by touching her.

The request does surprise him. But, only because he thinks Atem needs to truly hold her hand. Hug her, reassure her, something. At this rate, it has to be something inside his heart that is keeping him from doing what should be obvious. Yugi isn't sure what it could be, but, what other explanation is there? What he wants to say - "show her" - is held back. It would just start another battle on top of the many ones they are already fighting.

How does he even repeat it? It won't have the same weight or implication coming from him. He knows Lunafreya can understand things without them really being said. That, alone, is her true gift in his eyes. More than any of her magical abilities or ancient birthrights. It makes him feel that this entire situation is something he shouldn't interfere with on any level. Their feelings they have for one another are precious and unique to them. That bond is as irreplaceable as the one that he himself shares with the ancient soul.

Yugi turns his head to look up at Lunafreya. While her gaze is titled at the ground? He can tell she is still engaged with everything around her. She hasn't pulled back from the conversations or events around her. The words that she'd normally speak seem to be locked away either on purpose or by the whirlwind of circumstances.

He narrows his eyes slightly and straightens himself. Right. He did say anything. ]

Luna, the Other--[ he stops then, finding his name for Atem partner to be inaccurate for the moment. She has a name she used for him. ]--I mean, Yami. He's trying to hold...

[ Lunafreya closes her eyes, lowering her head so that her bangs may cover them from view. The injured hand in Atem's curls tightly -- as if to cling onto his hand. She so desperately wishes to be able to reach out to him; to offer a place he can rest if he desires it. Instead, through the demands set by needs, she is forced to stand at the side and watch without being unable to lend aid. It is no fault of Yugi's, Gentiana's, or even the Pharaoh himself. She cannot heal every wound of his or shelter him from every storm, no matter how badly she wishes to. ]

Yugi-sama. [ Her voice is gentle, but quieter than normal. Exhaustion can be heard in her tone and worry draping around every word she speaks. Still, she is resolute in her unconditional feelings. ] Has he found his answer? ...is he alright?

[ His gaze drops to the brother figure at his side. The answer to that is simple: no. What should he tell her? Lying isn't the right thing to do in this situation. But, neither is telling her that Atem refuses to be with anyone in physical form. Nothing seems to be a good answer or the right answer to give.

'Other Me,' he tries one last time to convince the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle. It is probably futile at this rate. Still, he can't look at Lunafreya if he doesn't try one more time. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ In a way, a duel with Yugi will be far easier than all of the duels that came before it, including that duel that was more of a very pointed lesson directed at Atem. He's not sure how much Yugi knows, if he heard about the duel he had with Kaiba and about what a complete travesty that was. The duel with Yugi, the duels with Rafael and with Dartz, even the one with Kaiba- all of them shook Atem's confidence to the core.

Now that he's faced with the prospect of a duel with his best friend and partner, some of the fear and doubt that he had upon going into those other duels has fled. Even the idea of building a deck to use in the duel doesn't seem so insurmountable. Is there still fear in his heart? Yes. He knows that fear may very well linger there for a long time to come, and it's that fear that's keeping him rooted in place, unable to even begin to think about engaging with anyone on a physical level. He hasn't voiced this thought to anyone but himself, but it was when he was in physical form that everything went wrong, and he sustained blow after blow until he could barely speak or stand any longer. Of course he knows that Yugi would never be so cruel to him; he would never do anything that would reopen the barely healed wounds.

But for the moment, even the very thought of switching places with Yugi and taking on his form terrifies him. Lunafreya would never hurt him, and he doesn't think Gentiana would unprovoked. But even so, even with all those lines of logical thoughts, he knows he is not ready to put himself back into that position once again.

He watches Yugi and Lunafreya alike, eyes traveling between them to look at one and then the other. He hears Yugi trying to give voice to Atem's request, but Lunafreya's response distracts him from anything but watching her to see her reactions. The way her hand curls, and how she lowers her head so that her hair covers her eyes- it all adds up to worry on Atem's part.

When she speaks, it's so quiet that he can barely hear it, but he manages to decipher the question she's asked of Yugi. Is he all right? Hardly. He's having to rebuild himself from the ground up, and barely any progress has been made at all. In fact, that's one of the many things that he fears the most: that he might begin to heal and rebuild, only to have his wounds reopened and have to begin again. Picking up the pieces and pulling himself together, even if he's barely held together now, was hard enough the first time. He can't begin to imagine having to do that a second time around.

Neither has he found the answer that he's been trying desperately to find. In so many ways, it seems as though any progress he made leading up to the defeat of the Orichalcos god has been wiped out, sending him back to square one. He won't find that from Yugi or from Lunafreya, because neither of them can give his belief in himself back to him. It's something he has to find and grab hold of, and no one else can do it for him.

But even if he can't find his strength tonight, or even in the days to come, there is one thing that he can do. Is he still immensely afraid? Of course. Is facing that fear worth having the one thing that he truly wants? He isn't as certain, but at the same time, a part of him knows that he won't be able to continue on this way without it. ]

Yugi. [ He says his partner's name, immediately hesitating yet again after he voices it. One hand stays where it is, placed on top of Luna's hand. The other reaches out for Yugi. ] I need-

[ His voice falters, but he forces himself to try again. ] I need to talk to Luna. [ And maybe once he has, some of that fear about being in the physical world once more will lessen. He can only hope that that is the case. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ What does he know? If anything, they are just facts. He knows that their group of friends split in different ways to be able to face down the enemy. He's been told that Kaiba made himself known and demanded the God Cards. Not only that, but he took them. Somehow they reunited along the way. Kaiba and Joey lost their souls. Then, that final battle. That feeling of being reunited with everyone was one of the most joyful in Yugi's life. He still didn't hold it against Atem, and he never stopped believing his brother figure would save him. But... being with them again and not being in the darkness with the ever looming eye? Freedom from it is indescribable. That is what he wants to give his partner more than anything: freedom the shadow that clings to him.

Thoughts of what cards to use and what ones to discard are already in his mind. Some small part or him can't help but be excited. When was the last time he played Duel Monsters without stakes? It's an echoed thought from months ago, but, he isn't sure if Atem has ever played the game for fun. Games became weapons as they moved forward after the Millennium Puzzle was solved. This duel is the opportunity to change games back to what Yugi had always seen them as: a way to bring people together.

He is prepared to tell Lunafreya that Atem isn't doing well. He has never minded expressing things to others on behalf of his other self. That was how things worked for awhile, before they even were aware that Atem was his own person. It's just that this truth might do more damage to the relationship they share. A sharp inhale later and he braces himself for the reaction that will come.

Until his partner says his name.

Yugi looks back to him and waits patiently to hear what he needs to do. His hand acts on instinct and takes ahold of Atem's outstretched one. He can feel it in his own, and senses that overwhelming fear. That doesn't mean he understands why the Pharaoh is so afraid or what is feeding into it. They've always been able to sense one another's feelings if they are strong enough... and right now? He can sense that the fear rolls over Atem like waves in a violent storm.

...is this all because he let the Seal take him?

That thought gets pushed aside in an instant in favor of the request the Pharaoh makes. Yugi barely nods. At least that is what it looks like to the two women in the room. He closes his eyes and let's himself disengage from his body. Though, he doesn't retreat into the Puzzle or his soul room. Instead he remains standing beside Atem - himself - and keeps their hands together.

There is no light show, chime, or dramatic gesture to the switch. Gentiana has only been able to tell as she can physically see the two spirits change places. Lunafreya, on the other hand, remains as she has been. She quietly awaits some form of answer. The only sign of the struggle her body gives her is in the eyes she has hidden from all of them. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ For the briefest of moments, Atem felt a little bit of the joy that Yugi felt when he returned and was reunited with all his friends. He truly thought that the worst was over, and that their lives could go back to normal. So when did he become so confused, so uncertain about how to move forward? Did he spend too much time in his soul room with nothing but his thoughts for company? He isn't sure, but he does know that the shadow that draped itself on him was only dispelled temporarily, and now it's back with a vengeance.

He hasn't even begun to think about what cards he might use and which ones he'll temporarily put to the side. It's strange to think about, but the strategies he uses when he knows he's facing a tough opponent are completely different from the strategy he's trying to sort out now. This duel is meant to be one between friends, with no one's soul on the line, and yet Atem finds himself unsure about what strategy he should use. For the moment, he puts the decisions he needs to make about his deck on hold, because there's something more important happening right in front of him. He's just not sure if he can help, since he can barely even help himself.

The switch happens quickly, and before Atem can do more than blink, he's the one standing there with physical form while Yugi has taken on a more ghostly appearance. His gaze doesn't shift, not even to briefly glance at Gentiana. His attention is solely on Lunafreya, and he takes a few steps to close the gap between the two of them.

Her eyes remain hidden, a thing that troubles Atem, because he's aware that a lot can be hidden if one's eyes are obscured. He doesn't want her to feel as though she has to hide herself or what she's thinking and feeling, but he can't force her to do something she isn't ready for.

What he can do, however, is finally take her hand properly in his. ]

Luna? [ Her name is all he says right now, because he just wants her to look at him. Words aren't really necessary when the eyes say so much, but as long as she keeps her gaze turned away, all he has is words. ]

[guidingmoonlight]

[ It is merely stating the obvious if one is to say that Lunafreya has fallen silent as the exchange continued on. What more could she possibly add? Gentiana had taken it upon herself to see what resolve might remain within the Pharaoh. In return, Yugi staunchly defended him against the verbal onslaught that was unleashed. Only Lunafreya is aware why Gentiana felt the need to go to such lengths, and as Oracle, it was not her place to interfere. As Luna... there was very little she could do. Yugi hardly needed her aid. She cannot even sense Atem - let alone hear or see him. What use was she to any of them at this moment?

Those small realizations rooted her in place. It takes tremendous resolve to keep herself standing at the moment, let alone argue or heal someone. She had spent years training for her calling. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. That training has paid off now. She can will her body to do as she needs it, even if somewhere inside screams for her to simply sleep. How can she knowing that the person she loves is still in his own tremendous amount of emotional anguish? How can she when his beloved partner comes to her for aid? She is to guide, aid, and serve her fellow man and the spirits of another realm. That must always come before her own needs.

Every word of the conversation has not gone unnoticed by her. A third of it has never fallen onto her ears. She can infer and presume based off responses that both Yugi and Gentianna have given. Not that is the same as being able to hear what it is Atem has been able to speak. That is the reasoning behind why she phrased the questions she had to Yugi. She cannot speak plainly to the soul that her heart so desperately reaches out for, but, he can. He is wise enough to understand what she implies with the words behind the ones she speaks. Perhaps between the two of them, the meaning of what she speaks will reach her beloved.

She feels Yugi shift underneath the hand that is on his shoulder. Her eyes remained trained on the floor as she continues to force her body to remain upright. Both he and the Pharaoh need her in some manner, and she refuses to let her weakened state interfere with it. That is when she notices that Yugi had arrived in socks and sleep attire. Had the two of them been up for hours speaking with one another before they sought her out? She prays that is the case. The two need one another so deeply that seeing them apart in such a traumatic way left her own heart to ache. She waits for him to speak; to tell her the answer she knows but hopes is not the case.

It is not Atem's voice she expects to hear.

She once observed that it was the change in tone and the gaze in the eyes that allowed her to see which of the two was in control at any given moment. Those facts remain true as she immediately recognizes the octave range that Atem speaks in. Her fingers wrap around his own with no pause. Her hand shakes in his hold as her emotions threaten to surface and breakthrough. Neither Yugi nor Atem need burden themselves with her emotions at this moment. Not when they so desperately need to find equal footing with one another again.

Lunafreya eases herself down again before her knees threaten to give way underneath her. It is far from her graceful movements as she all but crumbles down in front of him. Yugi even moves to stand beside her and Atem at the sight. Still, she wills her body to listen to her demands. She can find rest once the two who have come to her for aid receive it. They, however, cannot afford to lose more time in this inner struggle that threatens to take away all that Atem prides himself on.

With a shaking sharp inhale, Lunafreya finally raises her eyes again to his. It is most certainly Atem in control now. She bites down on the inside of her cheek to ground herself. Her other unstable hand reaches out to rest on the side of his face. The fact her injured shoulder shakes her arm is a detail that never crosses her mind. ]

Please, Yami... tell me how I might help you. Both of you. [ She has to force her face to remain neutral, even as tears of physical exhaustion and heartache gather. ] I do not know what to do to... but... I...

[ I fear that if I do nothing, I will lose everything, are the words she wishes to say. Yet, try as she might, the will not leave her heart to be spoken. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ If Atem allows himself to take his eyes off himself and his desperate desire to repair what he still sees as the broken bond between himself and Yugi, even if for just a moment, he can see how hard and unfair everything that's unfolded since he and his partner came to this room has been for Lunafreya. Her life's calling is to give aid to those who need it, and she's told him time and again that all she wants is to stand beside him and give him what help she can. So in a way, he can see how his actions have continued to only be selfish. By refusing to switch places with Yugi, he's only handed Lunafreya hurt in return for her care. It seems as though Yugi isn't the only one who is owed many apologies.

It's with those thoughts in mind that Atem finally resolves to push past his own fears and ask to make the switch with Yugi. He doesn't intend to remain in the physical world for very long, but he has to reach out to Lunafreya before he retreats back into his ghostly form.

Everything about Lunafreya's actions, including how she holds herself, sets off warning bells in Atem's mind. He worried about her even as they took the helicopter trip from Florida, and he worries about her even now. Even in the midst of his own storm that he's desperately trying to navigate, he believes he sees that she's fighting through her own storm, and he is afraid that she doesn't have the physical strength to make it. Exhaustion is clearly present in her eyes, and of course, there's her posture and the way she seems to fight to even remain standing.

This is only confirmed for him when he sees her carefully lower herself to the ground, as if her legs lack the strength to continue holding her up. His grip on her hand tightens and he reaches to place his arm around her shoulders, hoping to offer at least his physical support. His mental battles are still being fought, but at least he can use what strength remains in his arms to try and hold her up. He places his free hand against her face too, hoping she'll draw some comfort from his touch, and he tries to clear away some of the storm clouds in his mind so that he might be able to respond to her. ]

I wish that I could. I would, if only I knew- [ For what feels like the tenth time since this conversation began, Atem's words fail him and his voice falters. ] If only I knew what would help, or what I could do to help all of us return to where we once were.

[ His gaze shifts sideways to where Yugi's standing beside Lunafreya, lingering there for a moment before it returns to the girl kneeling on the ground.

His shoulders drop then, because even he has no idea what to do, and he too is terrified of once again losing everything that he holds dear. And considering he cannot even remember who he once was or what he did in the past, nearly everything that he has is represented here in this room. He can't afford to lose either Yugi or Lunafreya, because one of them represents the greatest bond and friendships that he's ever known, and the other represents a selfless, unconditional sort of love that covers his own ancient heart and has stirred up his own feelings of love that he never expected he'd be able to experience.

A part of him chastises him for being so overcome by emotion, but just as Lunafreya dropped down to the floor, so does he, knees once again making contact with the carpeted floor beneath them. He glances over at Yugi again, as if wordlessly apologizing: I'm sorry that you have to see this, Yugi. He and Lunafreya must make a fine pair, with both of them being unable to stand, and neither being able to give voice to what they truly wish to say. ]

[guidingmoonlight]

[ A brief but gentle nod is given in thanks as his arm comes around her shoulders. Her back straightens then as she mentally forces herself to hold herself up for just a bit longer. They came to her for council and direction. Gentiana may have been the one to provide it in the end, but, she can offer comfort to the two of them at the very least. It may not be wanted or even desired. Still, she will offer it and will continue to offer it, even up until her last breath.

She leans further into his touch without prompting or direction. Her eyes even close for a fraction of a moment. There is no voice to the thought of how she has come to miss his presence even within the span of a few days. Being with Atem in such a way has felt natural and as if it should have always been the way it is. Several times already has she moved the wrong way in her sleep, only to be jarred by the pain in her body, and having to remind herself he is not there beside her to reach out to. It is a reality she had known she would need to adjust to, and she scolds herself every time for thinking otherwise.

Lunafreya watches him closely as he finally speaks. The answer does not upset her nor does it break her heart. It is an answer and an honest one. He falls to his knees and his shoulders drop. She nods, both arms coming around him to pull him into a close embrace. A hand settles on the back of his head while the other stays around his frame. Her eyes once more turn to Gentiana, who merely frowns and nods. It seems this idea of a duel must be the only way that any of them can think to move forward.

Yugi shakes his head at the apologetic look. 'It's fine, Other Me. Really.'

After all, he did the same thing during Duelist Kingdom, didn't he? Yugi was so paralyzed by fear and not knowing where to go that he shut down. He didn't answer any of his friends, least of all Atem. It was Téa and Mai that reminded him of what he needed to do and how to do it. How different is that situation from what Atem is going through right now? Instead of Téa and Mai, it's Lunafreya and Gentiana. One provides the comfort and hope forward, while the other pushes the other to face what is in front of him. ]

There are some events that affect us so deeply we cannot go back to who we were before we experienced them. Not entirely. [ Lunafreya speaks to Atem, but she glances to the side as if to include Yugi into the conversation too. Her head rests against his. ] They become apart of us, but they only define who we are if we allow ourselves to only be the sum of them. We must learn how to stand with these wounds and continue forward. Otherwise... we will only remain all the pain we experience.

[ Yugi tilts his head slightly at her council. He remains silent, gaze dropping as he thinks it over. She isn't wrong or cruel in how she says it. It's just the fact that neither of them can decide or do this for Atem. He has to find it in himself while all they can do is offer the support he needs for it. ]

Yugi-sama has returned and is home with us now. I know he bears no ill will towards the actions you have come to see yourself as, my dear Pharaoh. [ She is aware of how she addresses him with the present company, but, it would seem childish to pretend that they are unaware of how close the two are now. Lunafreya shifts slightly, placing her hands on either side of Atem's face so she might look into his eyes again. ] You tasked yourself with returning his soul to where he belongs. It was painful, and it bore a heavy weight upon your soul, but you must let it go now. He is safe, as you are, among those that love and care for both of you.

[ She brushes her thumbs lightly against his cheeks. ] You have brought him home. As difficult as it may be, push past those doubts and fears, and see him.

[ Yugi raises his eyes again and blinks once. He glance at Lunafreya, feeling that there is more to what she says than he really understands... but maybe Atem does. Which is why he looks back to his partner, his other self, his brother and smiles at him. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ This time, Atem just stays silent. He remains where he is, with Lunafreya's arms around him, remaining still when her hands move to hold both sides of his face. Of course he misses her presence whenever he retreats back into the winding maze inside the Puzzle, but there's nothing else for it, as far as he's concerned. Yugi has returned, and they've all taken up their respective positions: Lunafreya as the Oracle, Yugi as the vessel, and Atem as the spirit who only materializes when he's needed.

The time that he and Lunafreya spent together was borrowed, and it was always going to be short-lived, but he'd be lying to himself if he didn't miss having her next to him, within arm's reach.

As Lunafreya continues on speaking her counsel, Atem averts his eyes, looking away from both her and from Yugi. She'd thought once that words were doing more harm to him than good, and while he can recognize that she's only trying to help advise and reassure, while also attempting to get him to see that there's good in life still, he feels doubt creeping back into his heart once more. He draws his arms around himself again even as something inside him curls in on itself.

He can see Yugi's face, wearing that smile that he puts on so easily, full of encouragement and reassurance. And in front of him is Lunafreya, eyes trained on his own lowered gaze.

Where Lunafreya's words are meant to bolster his spirits and provide encouragement, they're only clashing with the fears that are still running rampant through Atem's mind. The foundation that he's been trying to rebuild is still very fragile and even the smallest wind could knock it over.

He desperately wants to throw the weight he's been carrying as far away from him as he can manage, but it seems as though once formed, it's not so easily dislodged. But even in spite of the storm that's still swirling around him, one thought is clear in his mind: he cannot have Lunafreya believing that she isn't helping him. No, he can't lie to her either, because she will most certainly see right through it, but he can try to push away those unwanted thoughts that are pulling him down once again.

It takes what feels like a monumental effort on his part, but he manages to unclench his hands from where they grasped onto his arms and he straightens back up once more. His will and conviction have been damaged but they're not yet completely destroyed, and they are what he's counting on to see him through this duel and whatever is coming next for them. ]

I know that you're right, that I should be able to let all of this go, and that I should just be able to see you as you are, Yugi. [ Actually, he should be able to see both Lunafreya and Yugi as what and who they are: the brightest spots shining even through the darkness that he feels still lurks inside his mind and his soul. ]

I want to be able to put this behind me and move forward, but I still carry with me regret that doesn't seem to want to be shaken off so easily.

[ He looks down at his hands then, and for a second, all he sees when he looks at them is the hands of someone who's made more mistakes than anything else. It isn't the truth, and a part of him knows it, but the part of him that wants to continue throwing words of condemnation at him only sees cards that have been tainted by the influence of the Orichalcos.

For just a moment, he closes his eyes and he sits there once more in silence, letting the waves of guilt wash over him again. When he opens his eyes again, there's a strange mixture of resignation and resolve inside them. ]

The only way that I'll ever be able to lay down my doubts and fears is by dueling you, Yugi.

[ Perhaps it's unwise to hinge so much on one simple thing, but his instincts are telling him that this has to be his next move.

And then his attention turns back to focus in on Lunafreya. ]

You are tired and hurt; you should rest now. [ He would reprimand himself for not saying this before, but he carries enough guilt already without adding yet another layer to the things that burden him. ]

Yugi and I will prepare our decks, and the two of you can rest.

[ He glances over at Gentiana as he says that before returning his gaze to his partner. His own smile is small, not quite reaching the brightness contained in Yugi's, but it's a start. ]

[guidingmoonlight]

[ Lunafreya watches his reactions carefully as she speaks, and even more so once his arms curl around herself. She feels a fear rise inside herself that he is once again pulling away from her and into himself. Has she hurt him as so many others have with her words? A frown forms on her face as she sits quietly and waits. She cannot hold him as she would have in the company of others. She might be herself in this moment, but, the sheer amount of will it takes to keep herself tall and proud drains on her. She would still rather push herself to the utmost of limits fighting to help them than simply letting the two swim in the uncertainty of their bond.

Her hands slip from his face only to cover his own that he stares at. Her fingers wrap around his as a silent reminder that she is to remain at his side as long as he will allow her to be. The reality of the situation may need to change, and how they might spend time with one another is still a discussion to be had. Yet, should he ever need her, she will be there as quickly as she can. He had promised that he would return to her as long as he still walked this earth, and so she steadfastly stands ready to receive him and walk beside him. It may not seem much to others, but to the pair of lonely souls, it means the world.

At least it does to her.

While it may not be the same as before, Lunafreya still sees it as him retreating from her. Mental and emotional exhaustion, the need to prepare for his duel, or perhaps even the fact he simply does not wish to be in the physical world any longer. Whichever the case might be, her gaze lowers to their hands. Hers squeeze his tightly then. It is her small way of expressing that she will miss him and already does as well. ]

...Yugi-sama, [ she turns her gaze to where she presumes he must be. Yugi looks back at her. ] Please see to it that he rests.

[ Yugi looks back at Atem and shrugs slightly. He isn't about to argue with Lunafreya. While the spirit of the Pharaoh might not sleep as they would, Yugi presumes there is someway Atem rests to be ready for their next encounter. Still, he'll do what he can for Lunafreya.

'I'll find a way to make sure you see it, Other Me. No matter what it takes. So, make sure to bring the best that you can. I'm going to give it my all.' Yugi offers his partner a bright smile. 'Do you want to make your deck first? ' ]

The lady to the Oracle does not need the rest that many might think. [ Gentiana still nods to Atem's decision. It is easy for all to see he is ready to leave the conversation. Whatever words might be left to share will need to wait until the next night. ] Lunfareya will rest as the Pharaoh has requested. Her lady will see to it.

[ Lunafreya reluctantly slips her hands away from Atem's. She gives him a smile that doesn't reach the edges of her mouth. It still feel as if she has done little to aid him, but, it is clear that their brief time has come to a close for now. She bows her head in respect and keeps it lowered. ]