synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

[ The acceptance of the fact that Alan won't be coming with her still hurts. Knowing that once whatever they've found themselves involved with this time ends and he'll be gone again? It makes her lean more against him and hands curl further into his shirt. The content sigh reaches her ears. She's anything but content. It... it feels like there is a storm inside her that she can't stop.

What if I break before he comes home?

His fingers brush her hair down. Instantly, she feels a guilt rise inside her. How can he not feel the dirt in her hair? How long has it been since she properly showered, cleaned off, and felt like something other than a mess? The Arizona dust and dirt is probably evident on her clothes. It's been a handful of hours since she's eaten. All she can realize in that moment is how much of a mess she's become.

How out of control she's spun out since Polaris has gone away.

Dylan, her parents, Alan, Polaris.

Who is left to really be anything but a mess for?

I can't be like this anymore. I can't be this person. I don't... I don't like who this is. This isn't me. I'm not out of control. I'm not a mess.

She blinks a few times and rubs her cheek into his shirt. She needs to pull herself together. No more going to pieces around him.

The description he gives isn't something she really knows. It sounds like one thing she can recall. Maybe it won't help at all. ]

One of the doorways the slide projector took us to was... it was Neil's favorite place. You felt like you were floating and just aimlessly being. I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling I couldn't control it. When we came back from it? Everything around us had melted. [ A pause. ] It's not the same as some sort of ... water thing. But, maybe that helps?

[ He hates this, probably just as much as she does. He wants to come home, but he knows that he can't, not until everything's finished. Maybe there's a part of him that knew he jumped in over his head, literally, as soon as he did the deed. Maybe he had a terrible sinking feeling that he acted too rashly. But he could have all the sinking feelings in the world, and none of them would get him out again.

I'm not going to tell her that maybe I made a mistake. That wouldn't help, even if it's true... even if I'm- Nothing. It's not important.

He's not even sure why he's talking things out in his head; it's not going to change anything or do anything to ease his nerves. It won't help Jesse if she knows what's going through his mind.

He doesn't stop brushing her hair with his fingers, and even if he does notice the dirt in her hair, it doesn't bother him. He doesn't even stop to think about it. What's most important here is making her feel good. He's never been really great at soothing anyone, although maybe he wasn't totally hopeless at it when things were good between him and Alice, but Jesse hasn't pulled away from him. Maybe she likes how this feels. I hope she does, anyway.

He keeps up the motions even as the shifts more to rub her cheek into his shirt. ]

It sounds similar, but not similar at the same time. I- I think it feels like you've been detached... detached from yourself, or maybe it's more like it's easier for your thoughts to wander away from you. That part feels aimless. I wonder if the slide projector leads here too. Not that I want anyone looking into that.

[ Jesse, on the other hand, is firmly convinced that there isn't much to help her. She's been unable to find Dylan on her own--even contemplating going back to Bright Falls to face the government there. Make the take her in. At least, then, she might have a chance to find where they took her baby brother. What else is there left to try? She can't find a place to live or a job. Polaris is gone. Alan can't stay with her. The more she thinks on it, the more her options seem to be that it is the only road to walk. ]

I don't know if it does. It doesn't sound like the slides I burned. But... they took it when they took Dylan. Maybe there is a slide they have. [ Her head tilts into him for a moment. ] Maybe... maybe I should go back to Bright Falls. Turn myself in. It would be a more direct line to Dylan, maybe...

[ Jesse trails off as a knock comes to the door. Green eyes immediately snap to it. Her hands curl into his shirt for a moment before lowering so he can move to the door. Even if it's a Taken? He is the one that's armed. He is the one that can fight back. She can't even help like how she had before because Polaris is gone. ]

Uh... hey, Alan? You in there? [ The voice of Emma Sloan comes from the other side of the door. Alan should know the voice given the two loops he's been through for this story. ] I mean, I figure you are.

[ Alan quiets as Jesse talks, but he's listening to every word. He's not zoning out or tuning her out; he wouldn't, because she's important and so is what she says. So when she begins to theorize about returning to Bright Falls and turning herself in, he snaps to attention at once. ]

No. No, you won't do that. You can't. Even if it led you closer to your brother- I don't think it's a good idea. Finding your brother is a good idea. You giving yourself up to the police or a judge or whatever... no, I don't think you should do that. What if they- what if you never get out?

It's not my business and it's definitely not my place, but...

[ What if she finds Dylan but they both end up locked away forever? It's selfish, but what if I never get to talk to her again?

Alan's suddenly stormy thoughts get interrupted abruptly by a knock on the door. She lowers her hands, but he doesn't move right away, not even when the familiar voice sounds on the other side of the door.

He glances at Jesse, and then he glances back at the door. Of course he knows who she is, thanks to the loops. He should just get up and open the door, but then that means the end of this alone time with Jesse. Still, maybe Emma has something important to say.

He glances back at Jesse as if asking if she minds him getting up to open the door. ]

Yeah, give me a second. [ He decides he can at least acknowledge her while he waits for an indication either way from Jesse. He can always ask her to come back later. ]

But... [ "But", what?

She knows there is no good answer to give. No rebuttal. No retort. Alan is right. Frank Breaker was right. She can't give herself over to the government like that. It's giving up. How else can she find Dylan? How can she put herself on even footing against the government.

Her gaze moves to the door and back to Alan. A glance to the side says he should answer the door. She'd rather him stay with her, but, it seems his stories always have the opposite in mind. A brief nod is given to confirm the look. Hands rest on the bed and shoulders curl as she looks down at the floor.

Emma raises her head once the door opens. White tank top, jeans, and short blonde hair. She gives that dazed smile. "Supplements" have definitely helped. ] Hey, Alan. Look, uh I know you're going to head to the next place and whatever. But, I thought... you know, I'd point something out? Something this time around. I think. I mean, I'm not dead this time, so maybe it was there the other times? It just FEELS different. Everything. Look.

[ The mechanic half turns for Alan to look out over the small Motel courtyard. The darkness that seemed to oppress the area has lightened. The lights shine brighter. The night sounds can be heard including crickets.

Life, not darkness. ]

[ But maybe if she went to Bright Falls and turned herself in, I'd never see her again. Never talk to her again. That's not what I want, but it's really selfish to say that. I can't say that to her. What if turning herself in is the right thing to do, because it helps her find her brother? ]

But I shouldn't have an opinion here. Family comes first, and finding your brother is a lot more important than you getting mixed up in this. Turning yourself in could lead to you finding a bigger lead, and ultimately, getting your brother back.

The point is, don't worry about me, okay?

[ He moves to open the door and talk to Emma, but when he sees her, he stops before he says anything, eyes taking in her appearance and something like worry settling in his gaze. She seems all right, but he can't help but wonder. ]

Hey. What's up? [ He listens as she explains, and he glances outside and realizes that she's right. It's lighter now, and he can hear sounds that weren't there before, when the darkness seemed to grow thick and cover everything. Life seems to be coming back, a little at a time. ]

You're right, it is different. And- and for what it's worth, I'm glad you're- still here. Maybe you should go somewhere for awhile; lay low there until things settle down.

[ I hate this. I really actually hate this. I don't want to hurt people, but I keep doing it. Is it me, or is it the story? ]

I wish I had something to give you, something to pay you with. [ He glances back at Jesse, as if checking in on her at the same time. He feels like he needs to protect both of them, to keep both of them safe. ]

It could... or it could make everything worse. Breaker seemed to think that. [ Her eyes remain downturned, shifting side to side as if she is trying to determine what to do. What to even think is a good move. She'll have to confront the government at some point--won't she? In order to find her baby brother. ] I don't know.

[ She only casts one glance over at the door with Alan and Emma. No jealousy is in her gaze. Something more like understanding or awareness. More people are caught up in this story he's trying to write to get out. Or, does the story happen and he's along for the ride?

Does it matter either way? ]

Oh, yeah, totally. I'm definitely staying in the light this time. It just doesn't feel like those things are around again. I thought you should know. Like something beyond us wanted you to know. Look, I know that sounds crazy, but, this is all kind of crazy. [ Emma glances over Alan's shoulder to look in the room. She sees Jesse. It takes a moment, but then her eyes widen. ] Oh, hey! I know you! I mean, not know, but I've seen you around town... there was a town here right? Like around a park or something?

[ Jesse stands up immediately and moves further into the room. She quietly steps into the bathroom. The door shuts as silently as possible. Her head rests on the door. She doesn't want Alan to realize she has no place to live. He'll feel worse. That's not his fault. It's her own fault. She couldn't keep her mouth shut. ]

Sorry, uh... I didn't mean to say something bad. [ Emma apologizes gently. ] I've just seen her around. Before tonight. Moving place to place around town. I'm not sure she had somewhere to stay, because she never came here to the motel. I guess she's alright now though, if you're looking after her.

... Well, I don't want things to get worse for you. I want you to get what you need, so you get your brother back. If now isn't the right time for it, then don't do it. Maybe I'm just pulling ideas out of nowhere here, but maybe an opening for you to get in will come eventually. Maybe Polaris will help you find it.

[ He glances at Emma, listening to her explanation, and nodding as she goes along. ] If I had something to give you- supplies, a spare flashlight, something... I would. You just have to be safe, I guess. I mean, not "I guess", but you know what I mean.

[ He feels like people like them are just outmatched in a lot of ways. What do they have at their disposal? Guns? Flashlights? It doesn't seem like much when compared to literal darkness things that appear out of nowhere. ]

But thanks, I appreciate it. I think there's a lot of somethings that are beyond us, but not all of them are bad. Maybe this is one of the good ones.

[ His eyebrows lift at Emma's exclamation of knowing Jesse, and they lift some more when he sees Jesse stand up and leave. Did something hit a nerve? Did he upset her somehow?

He glances between Emma and the door that's now separating them, and he knows he looks confused by what just happened. ]

It's- I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm not sure if it's me looking after her or the other way around.

[ He pauses, because he feels obligated to ask: ] Do you have anyone looking after you? It's- well, I don't need to tell you about the dangers around here.

[ Her eyes narrow slightly as she looks to the side. Polaris is gone. Why would she come back and tell her anything? She's spent a year trying to reach out to her friend again. No answers, not even a hint if presence. Jesse truly is alone and has no idea how to handle it. Control it.

She needs to figure it out. She can't be a mess forever. She can't rely on others to fix that part of her. The room with the poster is empty save for her holding it in her hands, and nothing is coming out of the hole it hid. She can't cry, can't let it bother her anymore. Lock it all away.

Those are the thoughts running through her mind as she hides in the bathroom. Staring at herself in the mirror. Covered in dirt, dust from the desert, unwashed and unbrushed hair. A glance is spared at the door before she turns on the sink and scoops water over her face. Anything to try and look more like an actual person and not a disaster. She even runs her hands through her hair and tries to pull it back into a messy ponytail. It's not much, but it's something for now.

She can hear the muffled conversation between Alan and the other woman. Emma insists she'll be fine with the lights on and locking herself down. The darkness has pulled back, but she'll be cautious this time. She wishes him best of luck again and makes sure to inform him to care for Jesse once again.

"I'm pretty sure she's been living on the streets for awhile."

Jesse winces and feels the urge to want to crawl into herself and hide. She didn't want Alan to know. He can't do anything about it. Now, he'll feel worse and at fault. It's not his fault. She's the one who couldn't keep it together and got fired...

She opens the bathroom door once Emma leaves. She leans in the door frame, arms folded in front of her. Eyes looking down at the floor. It's obvious she's tried to wash up. Now, however, she has to deal with Alan wanting to ask a million questions about what's happened to her. ]

[ Alan continues conversing with Emma until the conversation comes to a natural end and she says goodbye and leaves. Once she's gone and the room is silent again, he turns back to the bathroom door, only to find that Jesse has opened it and is standing there leaning against the door frame.

Almost instantaneously, Alan takes a step closer to her, pausing at the last minute, not wishing to get too far into her space if she wants to put some distance between them.

Emma's words are still plain in his mind, but he doesn't want to make Jesse uncomfortable by bringing it up. ]

Hey. [ He smiles with an ease that he doesn't quite feel, knowing that she's been on the streets and living rough. He has an idea, but he wonders if she'll refuse, simply because she seems like the kind of person who doesn't want handouts. ]

Sorry that took a little while. Hopefully you weren't waiting too long.

[ Jesse shakes her head at his question that isn't entirely a question. ] No... I didn't. Even if I did, it's fine. She's wrapped up in this new story. It makes her more important.

[ Her tone isn't someone jealous or angry. Resigned seems to be more of what is echoing in it. Noting she doesn't have a place in whatever story Alan has found himself locked into. She is just a stop in the road. One that he might still deeply care about, but she is still ultimately just a stop on the journey. Just like she was merely a side character to help him in his goals last time. ]

If you have something you want to ask, Alan? Just do it. You'll... probably be moving onto the next thing soon.

[ Alan shakes his head immediately. No one in this story is more important than anyone else. They're all important, and he feels a strong compelling force telling him he needs to take care of them all, somehow.

They got dragged into this because of him, and so it's his responsibility to make sure they stay safe. ]

You're important too because you're in this story. It's my fault you're in this story, so I need to keep an eye on you.

[ He knows that's his responsibility, and while he's never been the most responsible, he knows what he needs to do now. ]

I'm sure it doesn't mean much, but you need a place to stay. I think... [ He has to pause and actually think before he finishes what he started to say. ] Alice moved out, but the apartment is still in our name. You could stay there, if you wanted.

[ Her eyebrows narrow. Did he? She is the one that insisted on seeing him. The one that broke down. He could have left her there in the park. She instigated her insertion into the story this time. Not the other way around. ]

It's not you're fault I'm here. I insisted. [ Her heart tilts to the side again with a frown on her face. Eyes drift away. ] I wasn't supposed to be here.

[ It's clear then that the walls her older self he once met are beginning to form. Not to keep him out, but to separate herself from things. Protect herself. Make it so she can continue with what she has tasked herself to do on her path.

He's still invited in. She hasn't shut him out.

Just resigned that he won't be coming home.

At his last remark, she pauses. Looks up at him. ]

Alice moved out? Why? [ How does he know? Wouldn't it be weird to have me live there then... ]

You insisted, but you're still part of this. You're still caught up in this because of me. Because I pull people in somehow. Maybe you can pull yourself out again. It's- it's safer if you're not involved. I want you here; I like having you here, but it's dangerous for you.

You could get hurt, or worse.

[ Maybe those walls that she's putting up to try and protect herself will protect her from the dangers of the story. Alan doubts that that'll be enough, but he can still hope. If it's not enough, then he might be forced to push her out for her own safety.

Something tells him she won't appreciate that. ]

It wasn't too long after we started heading for divorce. She didn't want to live with me anymore, understandably. The apartment we shared... it's in both of our names, so she could have stayed. She could have told me to go. I don't really know why she chose to leave.

Maybe someone can sign the apartment over to you. We own it, so maybe that would work. At least it would be a place for you to live in.

[ Her gaze narrows slightly. ] I could get hurt?

[ That's happened already. Just not in the way he means it.

He left her behind.

Jesse looks downwards again. A frown on her face. Living in his old apartment without him? She can't imagine what that would be like. The things all around that would show how it was the home he and Alice Wake shares. The apartment filled with their relationship and history. Every corner of it...

Her frown sets more. ]

I'd rather live there with you. [ It couldn't feel like my place without him. Otherwise, I'm just stepping into their relationship. Their space. I know that's not how he sees it.

She glances to the other side. ] I'll make something work.

[ Her eyes quickly flick up to his then down once more. ]

What about the coffee date?

Hurt, killed... I don't want that to happen to you. [ This story is a monster. People have already gotten hurt because of it. I won't let her get hurt too. ]

I know, and I want that too. We'll get that one day, when the story ends. When it's over, I'll come home. [ If she's still waiting. If she wants to wait for me. I can't ask her to do that, but either way, I'll come back. ]

What if you talked to Barry? He has connections and he could figure out something. What if I write a letter with instructions for him? That could work. He knows me, and he knows... well, he knows I do things spur of the moment sometimes. He'd do it if I asked.

[ He pauses for just a second, and then he remembers. ] Yeah, I owe you a coffee date. Several coffee dates.

[ He reaches for her again, fingers stretching out to touch her hair. He wants to ask something; he wants to suggest something that they can do together, but he's realizing he's not sure how to ask it in a way that won't offend her. ]

I had an idea, but I know it's going to sound weird.

I've already been through that. [ Jesse can't find a better way to say it that doesn't come off as cruel or mean spirited. She doesn't mean it that way. Just... statement of fact.

The stories he's involved in have already hurt her in a way that makes everything else pale in comparison.

Her gaze drops.

"... when the story ends. When it's over, I'll come home."

If she continued to try and delude herself that Alan was home? Those few sentences would have ruined the lie she tried to believe. It really is just another story he's wrapped up in. One she inserted herself into because she ... she needs him. She needs that connection to someone that's gone through what she has. Maybe she needs it more now that Polaris has gone away. ]

Wheeler? He's... he manages a rock band now. He wouldn't have the time for me. Probably wouldn't want anything to do with me either. [ She pauses. ] Sorry. I'm not--I'm not trying to say "no" to everything. I just... is there a place for me with the people you know if you're not there?

I... I don't know. I'm not sure I know much of anything anymore.

[ Little does she know that Barry would do anything for Alan. Especially if he felt it was in memory of a best friend.

Jesse doesn't hesitate or glance at his hands. He reaches out to touch her hair and she immediately leans into it. She can feel... something. It feels like that unique frequency that she only seems to reach when he's there. Just, muted. Distant.

«No, no. It's--it's not supposed to be so far away. It's me, isn't it? There's something wrong with me. Is... is that why you left? What did I do to... how do I FIX this? »

She moves forward by half a step. Her hand reaches up to rest on his arm, head tilting into him. Trying to feel him on that unique place that always made her feel... brighter. ]

What idea? [ Her voice is soft, clearly worried something has gone wrong. No, not has gone wrong. That something is wrong--with her. ] Everything about us has always been weird, Alan.

Edited 2024-06-10 16:40 (UTC)

You mean I put you through that. [ Alan's tone flattens, but it's him he's mildly upset with, not her. ] It's fine if you say it, because it's true. You've already been hurt because of me.

[ He unwittingly echoes her thoughts, but he knows it to be true even if he'd rather pretend it's not. Still, they're way past pretending; he can't pretend that he hasn't hurt her, and she can't pretend that he's really home.

Still, there's one thing he can do for her that might have lasting consequences. Barry would gladly do anything for his old friend, even something as seemingly odd as this. ]

A rock band, huh? [ Somehow, that's familiar. Did he mention that in his writing? Did he come up with that, or did Barry decide to strike out on his own? ] Nah, I think that Barry would do it as a favor to me, his old friend. And of course there's a place for you. You and Barry already have a connection, because you're both my friends.

[ He pauses for a second, and he smiles at her. ] Yeah, you're right, everything about us has been weird, but- I don't want to be so weird that you think I'm actually insane or something.

But uh... I was thinking, there's a shower here, and it looks like it's big enough for two people to get in. If- if you wanted, anyway.

[ It's crazy and probably too forward, but Alan puts the offer out there anyway for her to do whatever she wants to with. ]

[ Her entire posture stiffens at his tone. Hands curl slightly, shoulders rise. A reflex defensive measure against what he says. It's not that she denies that he hurt her--probably in the worst way imaginable. It's the fact she doesn't want to think about it anymore. She doesn't want that conversation (argument) to be the thing that defines and haunts them for the rest of ... however long they have. It should be the good things that come to mind when he's gone away again. Not the goodbyes.

Jesse shakes her head slightly. The motion is so small that he may not even notice. She isn't going to say any of it out loud. Saying it makes it more true than it already is.

« Can't we just move past that fucking room? I hate it. I hate how all of that ended. I want--it should be like it was before that damn room. Before the Clicker, and that stupid shoebox, and the page inside it. I HATE that room. It made him leave. It made him... he left me behind because of it.

He promised he wouldn't leave. »

It was a stupid promise and she knows it. Something unbelievable and unrealistic that she chose to believe in anyways. It was what she wanted to hear. What she wanted to pretend was actually possible, just like pretending he was actually home now. Except, they're past pretending.

Jesse looks down at the floor in the space between them.

« I hate that fucking room. »

She just wants all of it to stop hurting.

With her gaze cast down, she misses the smile on his face. The tone in his voice has shifted and that is more of what she picks up on than the words themselves. ]

I'm the crazy one. Remember? [ Her response is quick, biting, filled with bitterness all directed inwardly at herself. An air of destructiveness in a tone. ] So crazy I can't hold down a job, I can't keep a roof over my head. Crazy Faden arguing with people about industrial accidents and writers that aren't--

[ Jesse immediately cuts herself off. Locks it all back down in an instant. She can't let him know that it's all gone to hell because of her. Because she can't keep her mouth shut about Ordinary. She can't stop insisting Polaris is real. Dylan isn't dead, he's a hostage of the government. That Alan Wake isn't dead, he's missing, and he wasn't some insane serial killer that went from party to party killing...

She lowers her head until it rests against his chest. Green eyes close. ]

--Yeah. It, it sounds nice. That's--please. [ Before her walls break entirely and he sees what the last two years have done to her. ]

Edited 2024-06-12 10:42 (UTC)

[ She doesn't have to say anything. Just her actions say it all, at least for Alan. He doesn't need words to tell what her answer is. It couldn't be clearer to him that she doesn't want to linger on the subject of what he's done. Of how he left her behind, with barely enough time for a goodbye.

His eyes zero in on that small shake of her head. Anyone else might have missed it, but Alan Wake studies people. He does it to add a sense of realism to his books, to his writing, and it's become something of a habit in his day-to-day, even when he's not writing.

If he could go back and do it again, maybe he wouldn't have promised her that, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep that promise, at least not right away. Maybe now the promise has shifted: he'll come back. He'll come home, and she won't be alone again. Still, he should have known better than to promise something he wasn't in a position to fulfil.

But now he's in a different position, and while he can't do much, there is one thing he can do. ]

No, you're not. At least, you're not on your own there. It probably won't win me any potential-boyfriend-of-the-year awards, but... we're both crazy. A little messed up. That means we have something in common. We have more than that in common, of course, but that's what started us off, isn't it? Well, that, and a crazy story. You've had crazy things happen to you, and your life looks a little crazy right now, but the point is, you're not going through that alone.

Okay. Let's do it, then. [ He holds his hand out to her, still with that smile on his face that's gradually growing warmer and wider the longer he looks at her. ]

[ "...you're not going through that alone."

Jesse is so glad, in that moment, that her head is tilted down against his chest. He can't see the bitter and cyclical look on her face. Her gaze darts to the side, hidden from him, as she works quickly to put it all behind the walls she's started to construct.

« Not alone. Right. Maybe not right now. But, he isn't staying. You're gone. EVERYONE is gone. "Not alone."

He can be such an asshole sometimes. »

She hates how he is so good at words. He can make her react in almost anyway possible with the right combinations of them. Even worse? She lets the reactions happen. Because, when he uses the right words, she does feel normal. Like she could have things regular people have--just a bit weirder.

Potential boyfriend of the year. That'd be nice.

A shaking exhale leaves her once everything is put back behind the wall before he can see it. Her shoulders sag before her hand reaches out to take his. It takes another moment before she pulls the courage to look up at him. She takes a small step back into the bathroom and tugs him with her. ]

[ Alan isn't a mind reader; he's perceptive, and he can read people. He's spent a lot of time practicing reading people in the name of helping him with his books and making the characters in them feel alive. The jury's out on how well he's succeeded, but he's developed a habit of just observing people and watching how they move and act and talk. And although Jesse isn't talking at this moment, he can still pick up on a few things about her. They're only guesses, of course, but they're backed up by what he knows to be true.

She's not alone right now, but when this ends, when he has to leave, she'll be alone. He won't really be with her, because he's not really with her. That makes him a liar, or at least someone saying pretty words and wishing they were true. Which is worse? He feels like the last part is the worse option of the two, because it gives her false hope.

I really am an asshole.

And yet even though he is an asshole, he sees her pulling herself back up, but more than that, he sees her reaching for him. She's not turning away, or pushing him away, or yelling at him to get out so that she can actually be alone.

He feels that tug on his hand as she steps back into the bathroom, and so he follows, drawn along by that tug and that pull he always feels towards her. Once they're both inside, he pauses, standing in the door frame, as if to ask if this is really all right with her. ]

[ She doesn't know exactly what this situation is. It feels like Bright Falls. Which means a story and manuscript pages. Which means certainty things having to happen. Maybe the ending isn't done this time or maybe it really is done. Maybe all Alan has to do is live through the events in hopes it brings him home. Maybe he interjecting into it has derailed the storyand ruined his chances.

Maybe, in the end, it doesn't matter because they're not supposed to be together.

That thought causes a flare of anger. How could it feel the way it does if they're not supposed to be more than passing allies? Why would there be a constant pull towards him? Like gravity swaying her over and then wanting her to spiral down until he's the only thing she can think about and feel?

« What if things don't want us together and that's why it's so damn hard? »

Jesse glances down once he stops in the doorway. A pressed frown appears at the corners of her mouth. Another tug of his hand.

He doesn't get to hesitate or question once he's put the offer down and she agreed. It's been two years. She misses him, he supposedly misses her. It shouldn't be that complicated. ]

[ Maybe Alan should have a better idea of what he's doing, but if he's being honest about it all, it feels a little like he's throwing ideas at the wall and hoping something sticks. Maybe even this meeting with Jesse is some half thought out idea. It's certainly desperate, and probably dangerous, but he really wanted to see her. He missed her, but maybe him missing her shouldn't have been reason enough to drag her into all this.

But wasn't she already involved the second you showed up at her door in Bright Falls?

He can't really argue with that, even though he wishes he could.

Then, he feels the tug on his hand and he returns to the present and to Jesse. Oh, right, they were going to step into the shower together. He knows that she's right; he shouldn't second guess himself when he's the one who put the offer on the table, so he steps in closer to her, moving into the bathroom properly.

The next step is obvious: getting ready to step into the shower, but he pauses, not out of unwillingness, but more from a place of letting her set the tone of how this is going to go. ]

[ An eyebrow raises at how he pauses once again. Jesse shakes her head slightly at him. Then, she lets go of his hand in order to start pulling off her hoodie. Just a simple t-shirt underneath it as well as jeans and a pair of sneakers. Clothes covered in dirt and dust of the Arizona desert. She's thankful he hasn't asked about how long she's been without a proper place to call home.

The hoodie is thrown to the side. Then, she reaches up and pulls her hair from the ponytail she has it in. Green eyes dart to his gray ones. Does he want to undress her? Should she do it herself? Is this supposed to be something intimate--as she hopes it is--or just something to awkwardly clean off with? It hasn't escaped her notice he's covered in dirt, what looks to be mud, and maybe even... oil? ]

Do you like hot showers, or...

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