synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

[ Couple things.

Jesse feels the air catch in her throat. Are they a couple? We're they a couple? She was never sure. They were two people caught up in a level of weirdness and insanity. People who were wrapped up in the feelings of the moment. At least, she thought they were in the moment. It was only after he left her behind she realized it was more than just heated momentary passions.

She does love him.

Now that the undercurrent of driving emotions from that otherworldly part of her is muted? It's so clear to her as she stands in the bathroom of some altered motel with him. She can feel how her heart pounds at his touch on her shoulder. The rush of desire and also happiness at the idea of kissing him, being intimate in any form with him. The excitement at the idea of just being near Alan Wake, adventures or no adventures.

The feeling of wanting to be his.

« Is it... really okay if i love him? » ]

Are we a couple?

Edited 2024-06-23 17:55 (UTC)

[ He notes how the air seems to catch itself in her throat, and he pauses, wondering if he's said the wrong thing. He's just speaking aloud how he feels, and how he feels is that they are a couple... a new couple, perhaps, and still figuring everything out about each other, but his mind has already made itself up.

On some level, his mind has decided that Jesse completes him, and because of that, they're already a couple. In some ways, he doesn't yet know how to reconcile his history with Alice and this unexpected discovery of his feelings for Jesse, but it's a process and an undertaking he's willing to go on until he figures it out.

He loves her, and he wants to explore that love, so that's what he intends to do. ]

Do you want to be one? I mean, do you want to be one with me? It's not fair of me to ask, but could you be happy being with me?

Yes.

[ The answer is quick, immediate, and might encompass all his questions. Even if all of what he asks is unrealistic. How could they truly be a couple with him trapped in another dimension? When they can only manage moments of time together? Even then, knowing that, she wants to be with him. She wants to be with someone who understands what she has been through. Someone as not-normal, someone touched by otherworldly beings.

And, even then, a smaller part of her hopes that she somehow inspires him to write again.

Her heart pounds. How did she fall in love with him? When? Do the little details like that matter at all? They do, don't they? It isn't just some rush of emotions though. She felt this way before... she just didn't realize it all. No, she was afraid to admit it in case he left. And, he did.

When did she fall in love with him?

All she can think is it had to have been an attraction from the start she refused to realize. Something that quickly grew the more he was insistent on knowing her and learning her story. How he never refused what she said or believed, even when he struggled to believe it. How when they held hands everything just felt... right. As if everything was going to be okay no matter what happened. Things don't feel that way now.

Is it because they've been apart for two years?

Her hands flex slightly at her sides, but she doesn't move to touch him. His hand is still on her shoulder. Her heart keeps pounding as she waits for him to do something. Anything. What if she moves to do something and he disappears as if all of this is a dream? It's stupid, but the fear is still holding onto her. That determination he saw in her eyes has taken a hit. How could it not? There's been no one in her corner. Everyone left.

Now what do I do? I can't find Dylan. I don't know where else to go. Alan says I can't talk to the people from the government in Bright Falls. Breaker said that too. So what do I... Could I go into the Lake after him? ]

Edited 2024-06-24 09:07 (UTC)

Good. [ He pauses for a moment, eyes looking her over, taking in everything of her that he can see. ] I say that because I want all of that too. I don't know how we can be that, but I want it. I- I didn't want to say it if you didn't want it too.

[ But is wanting enough? Could it ever be enough, when so much of this is bigger than both of them? It's so much more powerful than them. Alan's no fool; he knows that love doesn't always conquer all. Still, that doesn't stop him from having romantic tendencies.

If their time together is limited, shouldn't they make the most of it?

He believes so, even if a part of him wonders why she even fell for him in the first place. Surely loving him isn't fair to her. She could have better; she deserves better. But if she fell for someone else, he knows that he would hate him because that person isn't him. He'd be jealous of them, and yet happy for her that she found someone who could be there for her all the time. Why? Because that's what she deserves. That's who she deserves.

He notes how her hands flex, but she doesn't move. She just stands there waiting for... something. And that's really all he needs; if she wants him to do something, well, he will. He moves his hand from her shoulder to take hold of her hand, and with his other hand, he sets to work removing the t-shirt that she wears. He was about to just pull her into the shower with him, but at the last second, he remembered they haven't finished undressing yet.

First things first... But if it takes too much time, he might just pull her in and follow after her, clothes and all.

... It's not like he's eager or anything. ]

[ Her gaze softens. How can they be it when he's realities away? When all they have are these snapshots together? It's not really a relationship or conventional in the regular sense. Does that matter? Do they need to be?

Her fingers slide between his on instinct. She can feel a spark of that old feeling. Something feeling right at his touch. Then, he sets about trying to remove her top, and she helps move out of it. Then, she moves to help take off his flannel. Undo his belt.

A glance upwards is given to him if that's alright. ]

Or do you want to...

[ It doesn't seem possible. It seems insane, foolish, out of their reach... and yet, Alan feels as though it's something he'd fight for. It's something they both want, so that makes it worth trying to hold onto.

Her top comes off as a result of both of their efforts, and once it's off, he strokes her forearm once before she starts to help remove his own layers, starting with the flannel and the belt he wears. He sees her glance at him, and a small smile comes to his face followed by a nod. ]

I do want to, with your help. If you want to.

[ Jesse nods to his statement and helps him undress.

She hates how timid she feels. Almost like all the confidence and stubbornness that made her Jesse Faden has evaporated. Gone. Not just because Polaris is gone. That was the last straw, when she thinks about it. She has no direction, no idea of where to go, no one to rely on to help. Polaris had been there even when the rest of the world had never believed her.

Green eyes raise up to his gray ones once again.

« I love him, even if he can't love me for being... normal. » ]

Can I stay with you?

[ « This time. Can I follow him into the dark? » ]

Edited 2024-07-01 09:44 (UTC)

[ Once all their layers are off, he has to force himself to (briefly) resist the urge to just press himself against her again. Maybe she really doesn't want him constantly invading her space; maybe she wants this to go slower, or at least, not at the pace he's going. Or maybe she really does want it, and he's overthinking it. He brushes his hand against her forearm once more, in an attempt to satisfy his want to just feel her.

Maybe if Polaris is gone, at least temporarily, he can step in and help be what she needs to ground herself. At least she can lean on him for support if she finds herself needing that. He's willing to do that for her, because he loves her. ]

... Yeah. I want you to stay with me, so- you're staying.

[ Don't tell me I'm going to eat my words. I'll find a way for us to stay together.

Alan tries to push away the voice in his head telling him he's only giving her false hope. There has to be a way. He needs there to be a way. ]

[ Her heart pounds. She's really going to stay with him? Not just in the story, but go wherever it is that he's stuck at? Maybe she can help him. They might be able to find a way for him to come home. They can find out how to do that together. That's what she wants to believe.

Something tells her that what they want doesn't necessarily matter to the forces at play.

Her expression softens, a smile tugs at the corner of her face before disappearing again. ]

Okay. [ A quiet tone but one that says she wants to believe his answer. ] Then I'm staying. We'll go into the night together this time.

[ Her other arm reaches out to turn on the shower. A glance is sent back to him at his touch with a shy look in her eyes. It's no less inviting though. The water comes on and then is redirected to the shower head. She steps in, fingers raising to brush along his. This is something she's never done before.

Warm water hits her hair and rolls down her body. The loose dirt and dust begins to roll off her easily. A glance down, shifting side to side, then back up at him as the curtain to the shower closes. Now what? ]

Edited 2024-07-06 10:24 (UTC)

[ He smiles back at her too, and while it's not the only time he's ever smiled a genuine smile at her, he feels like there's something different about this smile and about this moment. He feels calmer somehow: more relaxed, not stressed out about anything, even though there are things he could be stressed about. ]

I'm going to be honest, it'll be nice to have company. Your company. It'll be nice to not be... alone.

[ He might have hesitated about making that admission, but now he sees no reason to hide anything from her or to hold anything back. He loves her, after all.

Once she's stepped into the shower, he follows in after her, moving to stand next to her, or behind her, wherever there's room. He spots a bar of soap that looks to be brand new, so he picks it up and wetting both it and his hands, he gives an experimental scrub on her back. If she doesn't protest or pull away, he'll continue, but he figures he'll take it slow to start with. ]

[ Her gaze drifts to the side at his admission.

« He's been alone this whole time? Outside of the story we're in now, I guess. Has he written other stories? Why didn't he reach out to me or you before? He KNOWS I wanted to go with him in Bright Falls. That I'm on his side. He could have reached out. He should have. »

Jesse's gaze shifts up towards him at the touch on her back. A look of realization crosses her gaze. That is what he meant by couple things. Actually bathing together. Not... extra activities.

« Good job, Jesse. Now you look like an idiot. »

Her shoulders visibly relax. He'a fewe to continue. ]

You just move town to town like this, trying to get out?

Edited 2024-07-07 04:19 (UTC)

[ Alone, or feels like he's been alone? Maybe even Alan doesn't know the difference. Maybe being with Jesse feels as special as it does because it's her, but also because he's missed ther that much.

He rubs his hand against her back once, but he knows he wants to do more. He keeps rubbing her back, but his other hand slides around to her front and fingers ghost against the side of her breast. He doesn't curl his fingers around it, just simply rests them there, ready to pull back at a moment's notice if the touch isn't welcome.

His expression turns thoughtful as he considers what he's been doing in an effort to find his way home once more. ]

Not really town to town. It's complicated, really. There's... Well, it's like an old shirt that's worn thin. Sometimes there's spots in the world that are kind of worn thin too, I think. [ A lot of this is just guesses on his part, but it kind of makes sense somehow. ] This town seemed like a good place, or a convenient one.

[ I never thought I'd end up using an entire town for something like this. I'm hoping everything goes back to normal after... well, after I'm done. Whenever that is. ]

[ Jesse's eyes drift shut at the feeling of his hand on her back. The gentle rubbing of the soap foam into her skin. The dirt loosens, and no doubt he can see it all melt off her body into the draining water below. The touch is soothing.

Then, his fingers ghost along the side of her breast.

She inhales and gives a visible shiver. A blush creeps on her face. Hopefully he won't notice. ]

Places like Ordinary. Bright Falls. [ Her tone is thoughtful but also a hint of sensuality to it. ] You're trying to find places like that to come home through?

[ Even though the's the one touching her, there's something calming about the motion of his hand rubbing her back. It contradicts the hand he's placed at her breast, because inside, he's anything but calm. Desire and want is flaring up, and he's trying his best to control it.

... But why? If there was a moment for being uncontrolled, isn't it right now?

This time, his fingers actually do curl around her breast, and he feels like he's able to continue with his touches. The shiver she gave didn't escape his notice, although he has yet to notice her blush. ]

Yeah, places like those. I don't really understand it or how any of this works, or what happens when the connection or whatever it is ends, but- It's worth a try, isn't it?

[ His lips turn up slightly once he detects that slight tone of sensuality in her voice. His own voice deepens by a few decibels in response. ]

[ "Worth a try." What if it's the only way he has in order to do it? Though, the thought does occur to her that why doesn't he simply reopen that doorway in the Lake? She'd be back in Bright Falls in an instant.

Something--maybe whatever is left of her bond with Polaris or her instincts--says not to suggest that.

His hand curls around her breast and she feels that familiar jolt run through her body. That feeling of being touched by him. His voice has deepened too. Her hands curl at her sides slightly as it's obvious she's trying to control her emotions and desires. They're having a serious discussion, he's washing her... ]

What's wrong? It hasn't worked yet. So, something isn't working.

[ Something in his gaze seems to darken as if doubt and uncertainty and worry is fighting with him to threaten his composure. He knows that he might look like he knows what he's doing, but underneath it all, he really feels like has no idea at all what he's doing or what he should do.

His hand curls further around her, as if he needs to touch someone- touch her and feel her to try and ground himself again. Maybe he should just fall into silence as he continues washing her and touching her. Maybe words aren't appropriate right now. Maybe... so many maybes. ]

I don't know. Maybe I'm not doing the right things. Maybe I haven't found the right things. It's- [ He inadvertently puts a little too much pressure on where he's washing, and he catches himself and stops his progress before he goes too far. ]

It's like throwing things at the wall and hoping something eventually sticks, but I don't think that's working either.

[ Jesse tilts her head back at his touches. The back of her head rests against his shoulder as her eyes close. Then, she tilts it towards him as he presses his hands into her. The hand at her breast sends once set of signals, while the other at her back sends another. Alan has always been someone that is complicated and of two thoughts at once. Though, she felt that things had gotten better before he left them behind. That he had focused on one thing and knew what he wanted to do. ]

You're trying to write yourself out, but you're not ... [ Her eyebrows knit together as she shifts against his hands slightly. One hand rests on the arm around her, the other against the arm thats at her back. ] You're a writer. Don't writers plot their stories out?

[ Maybe in a way, having something to do with his hands is helping with his focus. It's something for him to do for her while he tries to make sense of what he needs to do as a writer and as someone trying to write his escape. He continues touching her and letting his hands wander as his thoughts swirl around and words start to leave him almost on their own. ]

I'm trying, I really am. I wish I could just write something as simple as "he turned the corner and a door opened for him to walk through", but that's not how this works.

[ He rubs a small circular pattern against her back as he mulls over things and tries to find answers to her questions. ]

Writers do that, yeah. I'm trying to do that, and I have some ideas. I have my writing, or what's supposed to be my writing, and I'm trying to use it to put things together.

[ He falls silent then as his words trail off. I'm trying to put things together, but it's not working. So far, it's not working. Will it ever work? ]

I'm hoping that one of these days, something actually comes out of what I've been trying to put together.

[ A shiver runs up her spine as he rubs the circles into her skin. She reflexively leans back into him despite her attempts. A gentle sound manages to make its way from her as his other hand moves at her breast. Still, he keeps talking, and she has to force herself not to pay attention to the way his touch makes her feel. That idea feels nearly impossible. ]

So... this--this story, [ she feels she needs to clarify so he doesn't misunderstand it for his actions, ] what is it you're trying to do to get out? What is it you need to end this story and come home?

[ She opens her eyes and looks up at him. A hazed look already is there in her eyes thanks to his advances. However, there is a determination to focus on his words as well. She'll do what she needs to in order to bring him home. Whatever that is. Even stopping him from touching her so they can focus on it if needed. ]

[ He doesn't respond right away; one hand keeps making circles on her back, traveling in a wider circle to get more of the soap spread around, but his main focus is on making her feel good. The hand at her breast stays there, but his fingers spread out as if they want to explore an area that can't be touched except in private moments like this one. ]

Well, I think it's already written. Or parts of it are. I'm not sure if it's completely finished, you know, with a beginning, middle, and end. I think I can still make changes to it.

But...

[ His frown returns and his brow furrows and his head dips lower although he doesn't stop touching her. ]

What's the point in making changes if I don't know what's going to get me out of this story?

[ A proverbial wall has been built, and Alan doesn't know how to get around it. What kind of equally proverbial explosive can he use to break down the wall? How does he fight a story that seems to be as alive as any ordinary person? The story isn't ordinary; it's powerful, maybe even more powerful than Alan who's still trying to figure out what he can do. ]

Sorry, I know that doesn't answer the question. But I think I need to change the story in just the right way to let me come home. How I'm supposed to do that, I'm still figuring out.

[ He stops then as a sudden overwhelming urge to just be done with this story rises from out of nowhere. I just want to go home. I've written so much...

It feels foreign somehow, as if the emotion doesn't belong to him. It's coming from far away, maybe even from someone else. ]

I'm going to figure this out. [ He doesn't bother hiding the note of determination in his voice, because why should he? ]

[ Jesse listens carefully, doing her best to ignore the way she shudders under his touch as his hands spread in exploration. Not that the touches are unwanted. It's simply clear that his mind is elsewhere and trying to solve an illusive puzzle. Touching her is simply something idle that he's doing as his mind moves almost faster than she can keep up.

She's not a writer or a creative person. She... she's not sure what she is, other than someone stubborn. Determined. Someone who finds a way to make what she wants happen. Even if it feels as if she's forgotten how to be that way. Did losing Polaris really make her forget how to be Jesse Faden?

Jesse turns then. Her arms raise, draping over his shoulders and around his neck. Green eyes immediately find his. They've lost that shimmer--that light--they seemed to have before, but she's still her. How her body has started to react to his touches is rather obvious now, but she does her best not to focus on that. She can feel the suds roll down her back with the water hitting it now. ]

You brought me here by changing the story. Didn't you? [ « Did he do that with "Departure" too? Did he somehow know I was there with you, and that's how we ended up... » ] That means changing it means something. It's worth something. Changing one thing might change more things.

[ She's trying to help even though her knowledge of writing is limited. ]

We'll figure it out. Together. Just like last time. Except, this time, you won't leave me behind. [ Her gaze narrows slightly. No room for argument in this. ] What do you need me to do to help?

[ He might be thinking aloud as he touches her, but that doesn't mean his touches are just something he's doing automatically or absent-mindedly. He wishes he could just be there with her and not have to worry about this insane story and what he needs to do to get out of it.

Maybe he needs to find his own sense of stubbornness and determination again and use that to find out what the hell he has to do to finish this story and get back home. Oh, that determination is still there somewhere, but it feels like he's losing his grip on it. It's not something he noticed right away, but he finds himself having moments of second-guessing, and he hates that. He wants to just write what he has to write and get out of this mess already.

She moves then, putting her arms over his shoulders and around his neck, and he stills, leaning into her touch. His eyes lock onto hers in return, and he finds himself thinking about how great she looks. "Great" doesn't begin to cover it, but everything about her just draws him in. He pauses for a moment, wondering where else he should wash for her. Where would she want him to focus on?

Nothing immediately comes to mind, so he settles on moving both hands to her shoulders and lightly rubbing his hands against her shoulder blades. Giving her a massage might not have been in his plans at first, but it just seems like the natural progression of things. ]

Yeah... or something like that. This story's insane, I'm probably insane too, or at least insane-sounding. But you're not running for the hills yelling about an escaped insane person, so... Uh. [ If he wasn't absorbed in massaging her, he'd rub the back of his head awkwardly. ] You honestly don't think it's weird how I brought you in? But- changing it does mean something. It's worth something, because it's how I'll get home. To- well, to you, if... you know.

[ Alan suddenly feels awkward, maybe even a little shy, and that's strange for him. He's not a shy person by any means, but he feels a little of that now. ]

I don't want to leave you behind. I never wanted to leave you behind. You know that, right?

[ He rubs his hands more against her shoulders, making small circular motions as he tries to figure out what he needs and how she could help. Part of him recoils from the idea, because what if she gets a target on her back because of him? Who knows what the story would do with her? It would be his fault, whatever it is. ]

I don't know what I need. I- I'm sure you can help somehow, but it's the "how" of that that I'm still figuring out. It's not as simple as punching a hole in the universe or reality or whatever this is and getting out that way.

... Maybe just having you along for the ride is helpful enough.

( cont here )

oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

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