[ He does not immediately respond, allowing silence to fall between them once more. Of course, she is right. He is in no condition to look for his own food, not even when said food consists of rats. Truthfully, he has been neglecting himself, and the injury he sustained has not helped with that one bit.
He can hardly pretend that the scent of the blood in the cup is not stirring something up inside him, something he would rather not feel nor have awakened. But it is a part of him now, and he can't very well turn it off. ]
Do I? Should I, knowing that... that you had to spill your own blood to prepare this? I-
[ He hears her plea and understands it, and he wants to drink without hesitating. Perhaps he will drink in the end, but he can't allow himself to just grab it and ingest it like some mindless animal. ]
I imagine whatever hurt you had to cause yourself, you have since healed. [ Since he is at least somewhat certain that Phya is someone he knows, and knows very well indeed, even if her appearance is different. ]
I suppose that this time... [ The words trail off as if he forgot what else he was going to say. And by then, she is helping move him again, preparing him to drink from the cup.
It isn't what he wants to do, but he needs to eat, and so when she helps assist with tilting his head back, the blood in the cup slides slowly down his throat. His eyes flash red briefly as he drinks, but even as he fills his need, he does not drink greedily or deeply. In fact, he would rather not be doing this at all, not where she can see him.
Feeding is something he does in private, where no eyes can observe him. Now, he has no such luxury of hiding, and that's enough to make him feel as though his throat is closing up even as he feeds for the first time in who knows how long. ]
Yes... I have. [ Phya nods to confirm his assumption. ] I'm fine.
[ As fine as one can be with her record of poor health. No injury or scar remains of the deed. It would normally please her as a sense of skill in her craft, and yet, seeing his reaction to the whole state of affairs simply causes her ears to tilt and then press to her head. Her tail stills from its gentle sway.
Her eyes turn away as he drinks. Not from disgust of him or his condition. Far from embarrassment as well. She can simply sense he would prefer to not drink her blood--regardless of the circumstance. The notion is only fair. Not only has she already abandoned him once, but surely the quality is also far from enjoyable. If she were healthier would he be more willing? Most likely not. It is clear he hates his existence.
Once he has finally finished the cup, she turns and places it on the table beside the bed once more. One arm still aids him in sitting, while the other hesitates before simply allowing it to hang at her side. She has hardly earned the right to call him by his name, let alone wrap her arms around him and pull him close. Not only that, Phya remains mostly a stranger to him.
She glances to his face and looks away once she feels he would rather her not look at him. ]
You are fine to rest more now. Between the potions and feeding... your recovery should take less time.
Are you certain? [ He is hardly in a position to worry or fret, but he can't seem to stop himself from looking at her with what would have been a pointed, focused gaze, if not for his still-recovering state. ]
What experiences you have had... what challenges you faced... I can only guess at what those might be, and that does not sit right with me. [ He can tell that she is not of the strongest constitution, and that troubles him suddenly and quite strongly. ]
I might be who I am now, but I still know my way around a kitchen. When I am fully recovered... [ A look of resolve slides into his eyes then. ] The kitchens have gone unused for too long. Perhaps it is time to rectify that.
[ But he finds himself slightly winded from speaking so much, even after finally drinking from the cup and having his fill. He feels her arm around him that's aiding him in sitting up, but he has noticed the way the other simply moves to hang at her side. That won't do. ]
If it does take less time, it is because of your assistance. And so...
[ Slowly and almost hesitantly, as if wondering if she will reject his advances, he reaches for her and carefully pulls her in closer. It is hardly a fast movement nor a rought one, as he wants to give her the chance to pull away and out of his reach. But somehow, he has guessed that she wishes she could be closer, or that she could hold him, but something is keeping her from doing so.
Perhaps she will express dislike for the way he moved her, but if she acts in such a way that indicates displeasure, he knows he will not argue, as he can imagine he's hardly desirable now because of his condition. ]
I am when it comes to this. [ A pause is given. ] My--it's not uncommon for those who grew up in the settlements as mine. We have what we can in order to survive in the eternal winter that Corethas has become.
[ In truth, she will not say it, but she is lucky to be alive after all of her health complications. Her sister had her own as well--especially as twins. She merely had more due to being the smaller of the two to begin with. Her condition is hardly different from other children. Some never saw the days beyond their childhood. Things have progressed since the initial years following the Calamity, but, it is still hard for any settlement to truly flourish.
Especially when the gates of Ishgard and the Holy See remain shut. ]
Y-you hardly need to repay me, Ser. This my talent as well as my profession. [ Phya glances down and her voice drops to hushed tones: ] Although, you most certainly already knew that.
I could do more to aid. This is simply healing the grievous wound and infection with alchemy and food. Healing, I... I do not have permission and I would not assume I would be allowed. Regardless of the Azure Dragoon's opinion. I would need your allowance. If you would even want me to use aether.
[ Her ears gently twitch at his sudden motion. Before she can even scold him for moving in such a manner, he has pulled her to him. Her forehead comes to his chest and she stills--not freezes. A beat passes before her trembling arms reach up to circle around him. Her face presses into his chest and a shaking exhale leaves her. Her tail relaxes. She simply sits besides the bed.
How many years have I dreamed about this...?
While not exactly as her dreams. He's unable to fully wrap his arms around her and hold her close. No dramatic claims of missing her for years and that they have been reunited. Perhaps those things are unneeded as they seemingly understand that without speaking the words. ]
The settlements. [ Aymeric says the word slowly, turning it over in his mind a few times; of course he is aware that not all have the luxury of homes, grand or otherwise, to live in. If he could, he would welcome all into Ishgard proper, seeing that each one of them has a place to live in. But then, he supposes, that such a thing is how the Brume came to be.
He is certain that those who are less fortunate view him and others as overlords who care little for the state of the poor, but he knows that is not the case for him. If it were up to him, he would use his own personal funds to see the Brume turned into a proper place to live, expanding upon it as necessary. After all, there are a great many buildings within Ishgard that could be repurposed, if only their owners would agree to such a thing. ]
It is not merely speaking pretty words when I say that I would welcome all who live in the settlements into Ishgard, if the decision rested wholly with me.
I do need to repay you, however. [ And while he is in no condition to really think up how he might repay her, much less act on it, his mind is already at work thinking about how to do that very thing.
But then she continues speaking, and now that Aymeric has some of his wits about him, he can actually ask the question on his mind: ]
Why do you say you do not have permission? [ Perhaps he needs to state it, but he realizes that she does not need permission, as she already has it. She could do whatever she wanted to him, and he would not protest. ]
Perhaps I did not have the chance nor the opportunity to say as much, but you have no need to ask. As you are the healer here, the decisionmaking ought to be left to you.
[ He finds himself content to simply hold her and feel her, thinking of nothing but how they have managed to find each other again when he thought such a thing was impossible. ]
What would I have you do? [ He shifts so that he can get a little closer to her. ]
[ The settlements have built themselves into small towns, outposts, anything they could manage. Her own was something more of a town one would pass through on the way to Ishgard. That was how Ardbert had found she and her sister so easily. It was how she had received what medical care she had as well as training. While not the size of Mor Dhona and farther into Corethas? Her settlement had seen a fair bit of hustle.
Especially as the Lord Commander had asked the Warrior of Light to help with the Heretics known as Saint Shiva.
A small smile tugs to her face. Those would be sentiments her knight would have in any life. A warrior made one to protect his people no matter who they might be. He may not see it as a sentiment to why he was chosen as Lord Commander, but, she can see it as clear as day. ]
Many would rather aid be sent to them instead of feeling as if they had been cut off from their citystate.
[ Phya gently presses into his hold, doing her best not to aggravate his wound. Her face hides in his chest to listen to his breathing and heartbeat. She had dreamed of this, imagine it even, holding the stuffed fox to her as she would sleep. Especially on days where illness took her harshly. A small gift, one she hardly can keep or deserves, as she is so certain he will dismiss her once his mind clears. ] I will stay as long as you'd have me.
[ Her shoulders curl inwards then. A silence fills the room. Shame and guilt rise to the surface once more. How could she ever earn the permission once again? After she hurt him so? He has been left in this miserable state for nearly a hundred years because of her... ]
I left you here. Alone. [ Her voice is soft and older tones leak into her words. Phrasing and sentiments from her ancient soul in ancient days. ] I hurt you deeper than any could by dying... how could... I barely have the right to say your name, let alone be your healer as I was before...
[ It's then that Aymeric remembers that reports still arrive for him, delivered to the house from the headquarters of the Temple Knights. By rights, he should be in said headquarters himself, receiving the reports directly, but circumstances have not lended themselves well to that.
He is confident that his second in command has things well in hand; perhaps by now, she has taken the position of Lord Commander in his stead. He would not begrudge her that, nor see it as usurping his position. ]
Perhaps you can tell me more about these settlements, and I will see about ensuring that aid is sent to them as you suggested. We- I have been rather amiss in keeping apprised of certain affairs. The settlements are just one of those affairs.
[ He knows that he has work to do, and a great deal of it, but he is certain she'll insist he must wait a little while longer before resuming his duties.
For now, he contents himself with holding her, paying little or no heed to his wound, even if she does. He wants to hold her, wants to comfort her... wants to tell her that he loves her just as much now as he did before. And he knows without a doubt that that is the truth. ]
Forever? Until- [ Until they part again and are weaved back into the story with new lives but the same souls. ]
What of how I hurt you? [ His voice deepens as the pain and regret and guilt that he tried but failed to bury takes hold of him once more. Oh, yes, he tried to bury it, but it refused to let him go. It's weighed on him these past many years, and he has been unable to forget it. ] You would have survived if I had known- if I had been there to defend you.
[ His gaze lowers and his shoulders fall. ] When I think of what you must have experienced... [ She might notice his hands beginning to shake as his mind brings to life what he imagines her final moments were like. ]
I imagined that if you returned, you would only despise me.
I will... my sister could be of help too. Ardbert as well. He has seen more of the world and Corethas than I have. I wasn't able to make leave of our settlement until recently. [ Her eyes fall shut. ] I am certain you could tell why... just as you can tell my abilities.
[ Her blood must give all of that away. Signs of how she is far from strong and a sickly woman. Perhaps not the intricate details, but enough to show that she is not as he knew her before. ]
Forever. [ Phya repeats the phrase. ] Until you no longer wish to be bound.
[ As surely even his ancient soul must tire of how they part. How she must disappoint him. Hurt him. ]
You didn't hurt me. I may not have survived even if you were there. [ She can't be certain what it is, but she has the deep feeling that even Aymeric could not have saved her. Something dark rumbles in her memories but she can hardly pull it to mind. ] You were performing your duties. As you always do in any life. That has always come first and... I have known and accepted it. It wasn't your fault.
[ If she had been quicker, faster, able to defend herself. Would she have lived? ]
I could never hate or despise you. It was my fault. I wasn't strong enough or fast enough. You did nothing wrong. I was the one that left you.
[ A grim thought occurs to him then, and with it, Aymeric's expression darkens slightly. ]
Perhaps... perhaps I should not ask it of you. Of any of you. Your time is better spent elsewhere, and that applies to the Warrior of Light and your sister both. I shall have to send representatives in my stead to take account of the state of the settlements and report back to me, so that I may then address what needs the people may have.
And if I cannot utilize what is available to me, then I will call upon others who may be able to lend their aid.
[ His gaze focuses back on hers for a moment. ] Your abilities? [ He pauses briefly so that he might focus on the lingering taste from the drink she gave him. ] There is a difference, but it is still you. You are still you. And, I am confident that it is possible to see you regain strength.
Why would I no longer wish to be bound? [ His own tone shifts then to something older... more ancient. ]
Do you wish to be free of this bond? [ He asks in earnest, wondering if the bond chafes her now after so many years. ]
What sort of partner... protector... What sort of person am I if I was not able to save you? My duties should not have come before my duty, my responsibility to you.
[ His gaze lowers, as does his posture, and he seems to sink in on himself just a fraction as the guilt weighs on him once more.
Of course he hears her words, but he finds it difficult to truly digest them, much less believe them. ]
Ardbert has come to help... and my sister and I followed for our own reasons. Still, I want to help. Even if I lack the strength to heal as I could before? I know alchemy. I can still be helpful. If you want me to tell you about the settlements--even putting them on a map for you? I will.
[ Phya's tail twitches slightly. ] How could I even taste the same as before? Illness and weakness aside... everything about me should be different. How is there enough that is the same?
[ His tone shifts. Her ears stand on end. Breath catches in her throat. Eyes widen. Her heart pounds loudly in her chest and ears. Surely, he can tell how her heart beats faster and louder now. Aymeric and her ancient love are the same being--the same person. Yet, hearing the age in his voice has always made her weak at the knees. A stoic wall that lifts to show the love they've shared despite the many rebirths and time that has passed. ]
No! [ Her answer is immediate. Tears come to her eyes. That longing feels as if it will consume her. But, she hasn't been forgiven. She hasn't yet been told she may call him by his ancient or current name. Let alone the affectionate names. ] No, I don't. But, how could you stand to be with me after all the hurt I've caused you?
[ She stands then. Arms move from around him to encompassing his shoulders. Hands guide him to rest her head against her bosom. One hand rests on the back of his head. Hopefully he will not be angry. ]
Your duties have always come first. I know it and accept it in any life. Your people, no matter who they are, mean the world to you. How could I ask you place me ahead of them?
[ Even if it had led to their parting in more than one life.]
If that is the case, and all of you are offering your assistance, of course I will not turn it down. To have the aid of one such as Ardbert, and that of yourself and your sister? I am not foolish enough to think that such aid is anything but invaluable.
And... I think you have more strength than you realize. Of course, for now, a map of the settlements is more than enough.
[ Aymeric tilts his head to one side as if considering her and her words carefully. ] Some things do not change. Appearances may change; the state of one's health may very clearly change. [ He gestures to himself as if to underline his point. ]
You are still you, and I would know you anywhere.
[ His eyebrows lift in surprise at the sudden speed and force of her answer. It surprises him, but it pulls him away from his thoughts that are trying to take a darker turn. ]
How can I stand to be with you? There is no one else that I would rather be with, even after everything that we have gone through.
[ He feels her arms move to circle his shoulders, and then he feels her hands on either side of his head, guiding him until he's resting against her. He doesn't pull away or resist her movements, simply letting her guide him where she will. He's far from angry; instead, he just wants to stay like this, to rest against her and be with her. ]
I may always have responsibilities, duties, tasks that must be fulfilled... But by that same token, I will always have a responsibility and a duty to you that must be seen to as well, if not above everything else, when the situation calls for it. When it does not... it is about finding that balance, but I must say that you will always be slightly above it all, in my mind.
I have enough to do my duty. There's not much beyond that. [ Her tail stills once more and ears press to her head again. ] Once you're back on your feet? I will reach out to my sister and Ardbert. House Foretemps has taken us in while we're here in Ishgard. I'm... not certain what Ardbert will plan to do.
[ Her gaze softens at his answer. Her heart skips a beat. He truly is her ancient lover; her knight. Not that any doubt had been in her mind about it at all. Still, it proves that he can be who he is despite the illness from his injury and the darker turn of his thoughts and personality. All stay of her own doing in her mind despite what he says.
Her fingers gently brush along the strands of his hair. It's oily, and long. Dirty and in need of cleaning. That will be once his wound has closed and he can bathe properly. If he will wish her aid in that act remains to be seen. ]
It rarely allows for a balance of such things: life. [ Phya's eyes close and she can recall instances from other lives. Things that torn them apart. Moments in which they were so close to being together and were still unable to have the realization of the life they longed for in ancient days. ] First... we must see to your health now. I can heal your wound through aether if you'd like. You will need to eat once more after you've rested...
I find that difficult to believe. In fact, I rather think that I might be bold enough to beg to differ. [ For reasons he is still beginning to understand, he feels a certain confidence in Phya, perhaps because he knows her and knows that she contains a great strength inside her, regardless of her current condition. ]
Again, whatever assistance you offer is appreciated and it is more than enough.
[ When she brushes against the strands of his hair, he feels slightly embarrassed, as he knows he has not taken care of himself one bit. His hair is unwashed, as is the rest of him, and he is quite certainly not a desirable sight to behold at the moment. Still, he finds he does not wish to pull away, even though he knows it must not be pleasant, touching his uncared for hair.
Instead, his eyes slide closed for a moment as exhaustion sweeps over him. He still feels weak and tired and the wound still gives him discomfort. He was able to conjure up enough strength to speak with her and exchange words, but it seems as though his condition has caught up to him once more.
He wishes only to rest against her, perhaps to even rest his head against her shoulder, granting her permission to heal him with whatever means she feels are necessary. Perhaps he is in worse shape than even he realized, as now all he wishes to do is simply drift off to sleep. Perhaps to not wake again? No, I will not do that, not now that I have found her. I must live. ]
I- I have spent too long in this diminished state. There are things that need my attention, and more importantly, you are here now, and I must... I wish to be able to stand on my own so that I might welcome you properly.
[ He pushes aside the feelings of weakness that are trying to pull him down so that he can respond appropriately. ]
Will it tax you overly if you use aether to do your work?
[ She offers a smile he can't truly see pressed against her chest. No, she rather doubts her strength is not in physicality. Healing, alchemy, and perhaps even a stubbornness are her strength.
Regardless of his appearance or condition, Phya continues to brush through his hair. The motion is soothing for both of them. A part of her longs to simply be held and shielded--a childish dream that she does not deserve to see happen yet. Maybe once he has forgiven her and given permission she will have that without guilt plaguing her. ]
No. I can rest while you sleep. [ A nod to reaffirm her statements. She will be fine. ] Lay down, Ser. I'll help and then I will get to work.
[ Well, if her strength is not in her physical attributes, perhaps even then, all is not lost. Of course, Aymeric loves her as she is and how she is, and so if she is resigned to her state of being, then the best thing he can do is simply continue to love her as he has done for so long now.
As she continues brushing her hands through his hair, he feels his eyelids growing heavier as the need for sleep continues to pull on him. How long has it been since he really slept well? His wounds might continue to trouble him, but for the first time in a very long time, he feels almost peaceful. Not that he believes someone like him deserves peace. ]
All right. [ He imagines she would not simply tell him something to appease him, and so he decides to simply take her at her word. Perhaps in doing so, she will also know that he trusts her and believes her.
It takes some movements once more to position himself properly, and he frowns and winces as the wound protests, but he manages to return to a prostrate position after a short while.
He has to stop and catch his breath because of the exertion of moving, but he still manages to say in between breaths: ]
I spent many hours looking for you, hoping that one day, I might see your face passing by, either as a lone traveler or with a group. I would have ventured out searching for you if I had been able.
[ Phya aids him in moving how she can. It still takes a small amount of time as well as care given their size difference and his wound. She guides him to rest on his good side so that she might pull his shirt up and begin the process of healing him. A sharp inhale is given before her ice-blue eyes move back to his face. ]
I waited. [ A small beat is allowed to pass before she looks down at his side once more. ] I was unable to leave when I was younger. I was either ill too often or weak due to the illness. Especially as Corethas is bathed in eternal winter. The Temple Knights would often come through our settlement on patrol or to find shelter when blizzards would come through. I thought... that one day I might see you. It had been to the point that I knew when new recruits had joined the ranks and when others had left for other positions.
[ Her head tilts slightly. ] Knowing that you had become the Lord Commander, however, it makes sense as to why I never saw you. You wouldn't have come to a decent sized settlement without reason. I should have tried to leave sooner.
[ She sighs and raises her hands to hover slightly above his wound. ] May I begin?
[ He despises how moving to any degree causes him to feel exhausted, as if every part of him has been pushed past its limits. Of course, he covers it up with the most stoic expression that he can manage, because the last thing he wishes to do is cause Phya to worry on his behalf.
I am not worth it in the end, although I am certain she would disagree.
Still, he allows her to assist him in moving until he is positioned how she wishes him to be. A sigh escapes him and one hand moves slowly to the site of the injury, intending to simply explore it lightly and attempt to give himself a visual of the still healing area. He intends to remove his hand once Phya begins to work, but his movements are simply exploratory ones. ]
I would have come for you had I been able. It is a flimsy excuse at best, but believe me when I say that I would have searched every settlement until I found you. Even if I had to put in place an acting Lord Commander, I would have done it.
[ A sudden swell of strength rises inside him, and the tone of his voice shifts accordingly, only for it to fade mere seconds later. He does not lack in conviction, or so it seems; strength, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. ]
Of course. And- lest you wonder... [ Again, he pauses to catch his breath. If she can truly restore his lost strength, it will be a welcome change. ]
I... I care about you very much. [ If she is able to read between the lines, the care he has for her is more akin to love, and yet, somehow, speaking those exact words is something that gives him pause. He does truly love her, and yet to so plainly declare those words... Perhaps the passage of time and circumstance has caused him to forget how to speak so plainly. ] I have missed you greatly.
[ Her hands still once more as he begins to lightly explore his wound. Progress, she supposes. Before he had written off the wound without a care of how it looked or what it entailed. Phya sits back as well to allow him the space he needs. Or, the space she believes he needs, as she wouldn't encroach on him more than she already has. ]
I understand. [ She truly does and holds nothing against him. There was a reason he never arrived... and therefore a reason for her loneliness and, frankly, pinning. A reason is more than many ever have in the settlements of Ishgard's once proud nation. ] I've found you now. That is what matters.
[ She will need to thank Ardbert even if the man does not understand why he needs the appreciation. He would have no idea of ancient souls finding each other again and again. ]
Even though we have just met? [ A small smile is on her face to tease him. ] I would have said that you would of had no idea how much I have missed you... but, we both know that is far from true. I have missed you just as much.
[ Phya bites down on her cheeks to keep the term of adornment from slipping out. She doesn't have the right. The permission. The place.
Her hands instead once more gently encompassing his. A gentle squeeze. She would tell him more, explain more, but his health is paramount. ]
It may take a few more days before you are to your usual self. I will see that you are standing once more and back to the field. Ishgard and her people need you as they ever have. [ Her gaze moves gently downwards as a blush creeps on her face. ] And I would see you healthy for my own sake as well.
[ It is only just beginning to sink in for him, but he has not been living since he lost her and since he was turned. He had no interest in living without her, but he wasn't about to simply die. He simply was just going to exist.
Now, he feels something that has been missing for these last long years that he's spent alone: a spark. Something has come back to life, even if only slightly, and he has not felt that in a very long time.
He notes how she sits back, and he slowly reaches out to her, trying to take hold of her hand or arm or anything he can reach. He does not want her to be so far away, unless she really is that uncomfortbale around him. ]
I have much to make up for. [ It's stated simply and quietly, but Aymeric believes it to be the truth. ]
Yes, even though we have just met. But it hardly feels like our first meeting. [ Their ancient souls seem to be calling out to each other, and he is more than eager to respond. ] This time, I intend to do everything that I can to protect and defend you. Always.
[ He looks at her, and something happens that has not happened in a very long time. His eyes soften, and his lips turn up into a half-smile, and he feels the love he has for her all but radiating from him. Perhaps it is only in his mind, but it feels stronger than ever.
The squeeze of her hand on his makes his smile grow even more, and if he could do it, he would sit up again and pull her in for a longer hug. ]
What is a few more days, after all? I should endeavor to return to my duties as soon as I am able, as the people have been kept waiting for too long as it is, but I imagine that pushing myself too soon would hardly be of use to them or you.
When I am recovered, I will see to ensuring you are repaid for your efforts.
[ Her hands squeeze his once more. A gentle look takes her face. No, it's most certainly not their first meeting. They have met again and again through lives by design. Bound together in hopes of finding the other in their next lives.
He smiles and her heart pounds. ]
I would say you have nothing to make up for, but I can see it will be a losing battle. [ She instead smiles at him. They will need to work to heal one another from the wound of her death. Simply being alive can't heal the damage done. ] You do not need to repay me. Allowing me to even heal or care for you again is more than enough. More than I thought...
[ That I would ever be able to do again.
A hand hesitantly reaches over to rest on top of his head. The other places his down in order to hover above his wound. ]
Oh, but I must repay you. But as for the rest, you have my full permission to do whatever it is you desire. I am simply relieved to have you here once more.
[ He can't recall the last time he even felt anything like relief or a feeling of contentment, and yet having Phya here with him, regardless of what she is doing, gives him a great sense of calm.
She places her hand on his head and his eyes close briefly before opening once more. ]
Of course. If it is uncomfortable, I can manage.
[ It can't be worse than what he has dealt with so far, or worse than her experiencing death. ]
The only thought that comes to mind is simply to be held. Protected. So many nights in the cold dark true winters of Corethas had gone by and all she wished for was to be in the arms of the person she had wanted to spend every life with. Such a thing had hardly happened as often as she had wished. She can tell because that is the feeling from deep within her. ]
Very well.
[ She fears it may be quite painful.
A hand raises over the wound once more and she closes her eyes. First, she merely feels his aether. It is wild and chaotic as rushing water down a mountain when nothing obstructs it. Umbral--darkness. Not in terms of lacking light or evil. No, simply, that light is static. He is so vastly swung in one direction that she would almost have thought he to be tempered if she was simple at reading aether.
Her fingers delicately attempt to weave through the strands of aether. She hopes to simply nudge them into place so that they might weave on their own. Yet, she can tell that she will need to aid him. Not that it will not heal on it's own. The fact is far more that it will need to be directed to heal properly.
Thus, she gets to work.
Knots of aether are undone. Healing that has already begun is undone and rewoven. The work is meticulous, and yet, she seems so skilled at it. Almost as if she has always done such a thing. Especially with his aether. ]
[ Aymeric's only desire is to be with Phya and make up for the time that they both have lost. If her desire is to be held and protected, then he is more than willing to oblige. He has missed her, a thing that does not need to be said, and so it seems that their desires are by and large the same.
But before they can be as they were, he must be healed and recovered so that he can be the leader and provider and partner that he needs to be. And so he grits his teeth, anticipating an unpleasant experience as she sets to work healing his injuries.
What follows is something even he was unprepared for. Her feeling his aether is not what hurts; it isn't until she begins working to undo the knots of aether that have formed, undoing the healing that has started, that the full meaning of her warnings crashes down on him.
It feels as though he is being cut apart with a knife as she undoes what healing has started. Suddenly he can see nothing except a blinding white pain, and his hands grip the blankets beneath them, turning the skin of his knuckles white as well.
Eventually, as the minutes seem to pass, some of his vision clears and the pain becomes less sharp but still uncomfortable. He finds himself trying to latch onto anything that he can think of to distract from the discomfort, but as she works, his mind only conjures up memories of the day he was bitten by the dragon, which hardly lends to a state of ease.
Still, he tries to simply force himself to lie still so he does not cause her trouble as she continues to work. ]
[ The memories that come to mind of his attack also come through his aether. She can see the dragon attack. How it latched onto his side and meant to kill. He would have died, if he were not a vampire, and had the ability to heal faster than a normal being might.
It brings to mind, for her, another time entirely. A cave and a dragoon--a familiar one at that--bringing Aymeric to her to heal. A large dragon's claw had gone to his back. Recognizing who he was on the spot, but fearing that he would not only not know who she was... but also reject her for what she had been at the time. Phya's ears stand on end and she jolts from the sudden unearthed memory that should not have carried over to this life.
None of her memories should.
Things repeat in odd ways.
Her fingers gently brush through the strands of his hair as he attempts to clutch onto the bed below him. She can do little to comfort as she heals. Truthfully, she had not expected his aether to fight her so much. It wishes to bend and twirl it's own way. Then again, he has always been a particular type of stubborn in all of his lives.
Will his aether recognize her as she continues to work?
Phya gently begins to brush along the bandage in hopes of guiding his aether more directly. Showing it where to connect and mend as opposed to injecting her own into the wound. It would be lost amongst the chaos. ]
[ Something else springs to mind: not a recollection of another time in which he was injured, but one that hurts far more. He remembers a messenger arriving with news for him; the person was grim-faced and serious, and it instantly made him stand up and ask what had happened.
What he heard next rendered him weak at the knees and he dropped back into his chair, stunned. No, he was more than stunned, he was in shock. Frozen, unable to even speak or think about anything except for what he had learned: the person he loved most, who he opened himself up in so many ways... she was dead. Gone. Forever, he thought, if not for what little he knew about souls and aether. Those thoughts were hardly reassuring in the moment.
All he felt then was numbness. And right now, in a way, feeling nothing would be better than feeling a knife's blade cutting him apart. As Phya works, the pain seems to dull a little at a time until it becomes something more tolerable. He can't tell what the difference is, as he is hardly a master of aether and its manipulation, but where his entire frame was tense and rigid, now it seems to be relaxing and unclenching as Phya continues her task.
Instead of the blinding pain, now all he feels is exhaustion. Weakness. Healing someone requires something from the healer and the person being healed, as far as Aymeric understands, and that something seems to be strength. At least, he feels as though his strength was siphoned away with the aether used to heal his wounds.
If someone wished to harm him, now would be the time to do it, as he faintly recognizes he is in quite the vulnerable position right now. He trusts Phya to do her work and to do it well, and while he would feel something of apprehension because of his vulnerable state, he is just too tired to do it.
His eyes slit open and search for hers, trying to lock onto them and convey without words that he's putting all of his trust in her. Some ancient echo from the past tells him she's never steered him wrong before, so why should he stop trusting her now? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moonsblessed) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2024-11-25 02:03 am
no subject
He can hardly pretend that the scent of the blood in the cup is not stirring something up inside him, something he would rather not feel nor have awakened. But it is a part of him now, and he can't very well turn it off. ]
Do I? Should I, knowing that... that you had to spill your own blood to prepare this? I-
[ He hears her plea and understands it, and he wants to drink without hesitating. Perhaps he will drink in the end, but he can't allow himself to just grab it and ingest it like some mindless animal. ]
I imagine whatever hurt you had to cause yourself, you have since healed. [ Since he is at least somewhat certain that Phya is someone he knows, and knows very well indeed, even if her appearance is different. ]
I suppose that this time... [ The words trail off as if he forgot what else he was going to say. And by then, she is helping move him again, preparing him to drink from the cup.
It isn't what he wants to do, but he needs to eat, and so when she helps assist with tilting his head back, the blood in the cup slides slowly down his throat. His eyes flash red briefly as he drinks, but even as he fills his need, he does not drink greedily or deeply. In fact, he would rather not be doing this at all, not where she can see him.
Feeding is something he does in private, where no eyes can observe him. Now, he has no such luxury of hiding, and that's enough to make him feel as though his throat is closing up even as he feeds for the first time in who knows how long. ]
no subject
[ As fine as one can be with her record of poor health. No injury or scar remains of the deed. It would normally please her as a sense of skill in her craft, and yet, seeing his reaction to the whole state of affairs simply causes her ears to tilt and then press to her head. Her tail stills from its gentle sway.
Her eyes turn away as he drinks. Not from disgust of him or his condition. Far from embarrassment as well. She can simply sense he would prefer to not drink her blood--regardless of the circumstance. The notion is only fair. Not only has she already abandoned him once, but surely the quality is also far from enjoyable. If she were healthier would he be more willing? Most likely not. It is clear he hates his existence.
Once he has finally finished the cup, she turns and places it on the table beside the bed once more. One arm still aids him in sitting, while the other hesitates before simply allowing it to hang at her side. She has hardly earned the right to call him by his name, let alone wrap her arms around him and pull him close. Not only that, Phya remains mostly a stranger to him.
She glances to his face and looks away once she feels he would rather her not look at him. ]
You are fine to rest more now. Between the potions and feeding... your recovery should take less time.
no subject
What experiences you have had... what challenges you faced... I can only guess at what those might be, and that does not sit right with me. [ He can tell that she is not of the strongest constitution, and that troubles him suddenly and quite strongly. ]
I might be who I am now, but I still know my way around a kitchen. When I am fully recovered... [ A look of resolve slides into his eyes then. ] The kitchens have gone unused for too long. Perhaps it is time to rectify that.
[ But he finds himself slightly winded from speaking so much, even after finally drinking from the cup and having his fill. He feels her arm around him that's aiding him in sitting up, but he has noticed the way the other simply moves to hang at her side. That won't do. ]
If it does take less time, it is because of your assistance. And so...
[ Slowly and almost hesitantly, as if wondering if she will reject his advances, he reaches for her and carefully pulls her in closer. It is hardly a fast movement nor a rought one, as he wants to give her the chance to pull away and out of his reach. But somehow, he has guessed that she wishes she could be closer, or that she could hold him, but something is keeping her from doing so.
Perhaps she will express dislike for the way he moved her, but if she acts in such a way that indicates displeasure, he knows he will not argue, as he can imagine he's hardly desirable now because of his condition. ]
What will you do now?
no subject
[ In truth, she will not say it, but she is lucky to be alive after all of her health complications. Her sister had her own as well--especially as twins. She merely had more due to being the smaller of the two to begin with. Her condition is hardly different from other children. Some never saw the days beyond their childhood. Things have progressed since the initial years following the Calamity, but, it is still hard for any settlement to truly flourish.
Especially when the gates of Ishgard and the Holy See remain shut. ]
Y-you hardly need to repay me, Ser. This my talent as well as my profession. [ Phya glances down and her voice drops to hushed tones: ] Although, you most certainly already knew that.
I could do more to aid. This is simply healing the grievous wound and infection with alchemy and food. Healing, I... I do not have permission and I would not assume I would be allowed. Regardless of the Azure Dragoon's opinion. I would need your allowance. If you would even want me to use aether.
[ Her ears gently twitch at his sudden motion. Before she can even scold him for moving in such a manner, he has pulled her to him. Her forehead comes to his chest and she stills--not freezes. A beat passes before her trembling arms reach up to circle around him. Her face presses into his chest and a shaking exhale leaves her. Her tail relaxes. She simply sits besides the bed.
How many years have I dreamed about this...?
While not exactly as her dreams. He's unable to fully wrap his arms around her and hold her close. No dramatic claims of missing her for years and that they have been reunited. Perhaps those things are unneeded as they seemingly understand that without speaking the words. ]
What would you have me do?
no subject
He is certain that those who are less fortunate view him and others as overlords who care little for the state of the poor, but he knows that is not the case for him. If it were up to him, he would use his own personal funds to see the Brume turned into a proper place to live, expanding upon it as necessary. After all, there are a great many buildings within Ishgard that could be repurposed, if only their owners would agree to such a thing. ]
It is not merely speaking pretty words when I say that I would welcome all who live in the settlements into Ishgard, if the decision rested wholly with me.
I do need to repay you, however. [ And while he is in no condition to really think up how he might repay her, much less act on it, his mind is already at work thinking about how to do that very thing.
But then she continues speaking, and now that Aymeric has some of his wits about him, he can actually ask the question on his mind: ]
Why do you say you do not have permission? [ Perhaps he needs to state it, but he realizes that she does not need permission, as she already has it. She could do whatever she wanted to him, and he would not protest. ]
Perhaps I did not have the chance nor the opportunity to say as much, but you have no need to ask. As you are the healer here, the decisionmaking ought to be left to you.
[ He finds himself content to simply hold her and feel her, thinking of nothing but how they have managed to find each other again when he thought such a thing was impossible. ]
What would I have you do? [ He shifts so that he can get a little closer to her. ]
Stay. Please.
no subject
Especially as the Lord Commander had asked the Warrior of Light to help with the Heretics known as Saint Shiva.
A small smile tugs to her face. Those would be sentiments her knight would have in any life. A warrior made one to protect his people no matter who they might be. He may not see it as a sentiment to why he was chosen as Lord Commander, but, she can see it as clear as day. ]
Many would rather aid be sent to them instead of feeling as if they had been cut off from their citystate.
[ Phya gently presses into his hold, doing her best not to aggravate his wound. Her face hides in his chest to listen to his breathing and heartbeat. She had dreamed of this, imagine it even, holding the stuffed fox to her as she would sleep. Especially on days where illness took her harshly. A small gift, one she hardly can keep or deserves, as she is so certain he will dismiss her once his mind clears. ] I will stay as long as you'd have me.
[ Her shoulders curl inwards then. A silence fills the room. Shame and guilt rise to the surface once more. How could she ever earn the permission once again? After she hurt him so? He has been left in this miserable state for nearly a hundred years because of her... ]
I left you here. Alone. [ Her voice is soft and older tones leak into her words. Phrasing and sentiments from her ancient soul in ancient days. ] I hurt you deeper than any could by dying... how could... I barely have the right to say your name, let alone be your healer as I was before...
no subject
He is confident that his second in command has things well in hand; perhaps by now, she has taken the position of Lord Commander in his stead. He would not begrudge her that, nor see it as usurping his position. ]
Perhaps you can tell me more about these settlements, and I will see about ensuring that aid is sent to them as you suggested. We- I have been rather amiss in keeping apprised of certain affairs. The settlements are just one of those affairs.
[ He knows that he has work to do, and a great deal of it, but he is certain she'll insist he must wait a little while longer before resuming his duties.
For now, he contents himself with holding her, paying little or no heed to his wound, even if she does. He wants to hold her, wants to comfort her... wants to tell her that he loves her just as much now as he did before. And he knows without a doubt that that is the truth. ]
Forever? Until- [ Until they part again and are weaved back into the story with new lives but the same souls. ]
What of how I hurt you? [ His voice deepens as the pain and regret and guilt that he tried but failed to bury takes hold of him once more. Oh, yes, he tried to bury it, but it refused to let him go. It's weighed on him these past many years, and he has been unable to forget it. ] You would have survived if I had known- if I had been there to defend you.
[ His gaze lowers and his shoulders fall. ] When I think of what you must have experienced... [ She might notice his hands beginning to shake as his mind brings to life what he imagines her final moments were like. ]
I imagined that if you returned, you would only despise me.
no subject
[ Her blood must give all of that away. Signs of how she is far from strong and a sickly woman. Perhaps not the intricate details, but enough to show that she is not as he knew her before. ]
Forever. [ Phya repeats the phrase. ] Until you no longer wish to be bound.
[ As surely even his ancient soul must tire of how they part. How she must disappoint him. Hurt him. ]
You didn't hurt me. I may not have survived even if you were there. [ She can't be certain what it is, but she has the deep feeling that even Aymeric could not have saved her. Something dark rumbles in her memories but she can hardly pull it to mind. ] You were performing your duties. As you always do in any life. That has always come first and... I have known and accepted it. It wasn't your fault.
[ If she had been quicker, faster, able to defend herself. Would she have lived? ]
I could never hate or despise you. It was my fault. I wasn't strong enough or fast enough. You did nothing wrong. I was the one that left you.
no subject
Perhaps... perhaps I should not ask it of you. Of any of you. Your time is better spent elsewhere, and that applies to the Warrior of Light and your sister both. I shall have to send representatives in my stead to take account of the state of the settlements and report back to me, so that I may then address what needs the people may have.
And if I cannot utilize what is available to me, then I will call upon others who may be able to lend their aid.
[ His gaze focuses back on hers for a moment. ] Your abilities? [ He pauses briefly so that he might focus on the lingering taste from the drink she gave him. ] There is a difference, but it is still you. You are still you. And, I am confident that it is possible to see you regain strength.
Why would I no longer wish to be bound? [ His own tone shifts then to something older... more ancient. ]
Do you wish to be free of this bond? [ He asks in earnest, wondering if the bond chafes her now after so many years. ]
What sort of partner... protector... What sort of person am I if I was not able to save you? My duties should not have come before my duty, my responsibility to you.
[ His gaze lowers, as does his posture, and he seems to sink in on himself just a fraction as the guilt weighs on him once more.
Of course he hears her words, but he finds it difficult to truly digest them, much less believe them. ]
no subject
[ Phya's tail twitches slightly. ] How could I even taste the same as before? Illness and weakness aside... everything about me should be different. How is there enough that is the same?
[ His tone shifts. Her ears stand on end. Breath catches in her throat. Eyes widen. Her heart pounds loudly in her chest and ears. Surely, he can tell how her heart beats faster and louder now. Aymeric and her ancient love are the same being--the same person. Yet, hearing the age in his voice has always made her weak at the knees. A stoic wall that lifts to show the love they've shared despite the many rebirths and time that has passed. ]
No! [ Her answer is immediate. Tears come to her eyes. That longing feels as if it will consume her. But, she hasn't been forgiven. She hasn't yet been told she may call him by his ancient or current name. Let alone the affectionate names. ] No, I don't. But, how could you stand to be with me after all the hurt I've caused you?
[ She stands then. Arms move from around him to encompassing his shoulders. Hands guide him to rest her head against her bosom. One hand rests on the back of his head. Hopefully he will not be angry. ]
Your duties have always come first. I know it and accept it in any life. Your people, no matter who they are, mean the world to you. How could I ask you place me ahead of them?
[ Even if it had led to their parting in more than one life.]
no subject
And... I think you have more strength than you realize. Of course, for now, a map of the settlements is more than enough.
[ Aymeric tilts his head to one side as if considering her and her words carefully. ] Some things do not change. Appearances may change; the state of one's health may very clearly change. [ He gestures to himself as if to underline his point. ]
You are still you, and I would know you anywhere.
[ His eyebrows lift in surprise at the sudden speed and force of her answer. It surprises him, but it pulls him away from his thoughts that are trying to take a darker turn. ]
How can I stand to be with you? There is no one else that I would rather be with, even after everything that we have gone through.
[ He feels her arms move to circle his shoulders, and then he feels her hands on either side of his head, guiding him until he's resting against her. He doesn't pull away or resist her movements, simply letting her guide him where she will. He's far from angry; instead, he just wants to stay like this, to rest against her and be with her. ]
I may always have responsibilities, duties, tasks that must be fulfilled... But by that same token, I will always have a responsibility and a duty to you that must be seen to as well, if not above everything else, when the situation calls for it. When it does not... it is about finding that balance, but I must say that you will always be slightly above it all, in my mind.
no subject
[ Her gaze softens at his answer. Her heart skips a beat. He truly is her ancient lover; her knight. Not that any doubt had been in her mind about it at all. Still, it proves that he can be who he is despite the illness from his injury and the darker turn of his thoughts and personality. All stay of her own doing in her mind despite what he says.
Her fingers gently brush along the strands of his hair. It's oily, and long. Dirty and in need of cleaning. That will be once his wound has closed and he can bathe properly. If he will wish her aid in that act remains to be seen. ]
It rarely allows for a balance of such things: life. [ Phya's eyes close and she can recall instances from other lives. Things that torn them apart. Moments in which they were so close to being together and were still unable to have the realization of the life they longed for in ancient days. ] First... we must see to your health now. I can heal your wound through aether if you'd like. You will need to eat once more after you've rested...
no subject
Again, whatever assistance you offer is appreciated and it is more than enough.
[ When she brushes against the strands of his hair, he feels slightly embarrassed, as he knows he has not taken care of himself one bit. His hair is unwashed, as is the rest of him, and he is quite certainly not a desirable sight to behold at the moment. Still, he finds he does not wish to pull away, even though he knows it must not be pleasant, touching his uncared for hair.
Instead, his eyes slide closed for a moment as exhaustion sweeps over him. He still feels weak and tired and the wound still gives him discomfort. He was able to conjure up enough strength to speak with her and exchange words, but it seems as though his condition has caught up to him once more.
He wishes only to rest against her, perhaps to even rest his head against her shoulder, granting her permission to heal him with whatever means she feels are necessary. Perhaps he is in worse shape than even he realized, as now all he wishes to do is simply drift off to sleep. Perhaps to not wake again? No, I will not do that, not now that I have found her. I must live. ]
I- I have spent too long in this diminished state. There are things that need my attention, and more importantly, you are here now, and I must... I wish to be able to stand on my own so that I might welcome you properly.
[ He pushes aside the feelings of weakness that are trying to pull him down so that he can respond appropriately. ]
Will it tax you overly if you use aether to do your work?
no subject
Regardless of his appearance or condition, Phya continues to brush through his hair. The motion is soothing for both of them. A part of her longs to simply be held and shielded--a childish dream that she does not deserve to see happen yet. Maybe once he has forgiven her and given permission she will have that without guilt plaguing her. ]
No. I can rest while you sleep. [ A nod to reaffirm her statements. She will be fine. ] Lay down, Ser. I'll help and then I will get to work.
no subject
As she continues brushing her hands through his hair, he feels his eyelids growing heavier as the need for sleep continues to pull on him. How long has it been since he really slept well? His wounds might continue to trouble him, but for the first time in a very long time, he feels almost peaceful. Not that he believes someone like him deserves peace. ]
All right. [ He imagines she would not simply tell him something to appease him, and so he decides to simply take her at her word. Perhaps in doing so, she will also know that he trusts her and believes her.
It takes some movements once more to position himself properly, and he frowns and winces as the wound protests, but he manages to return to a prostrate position after a short while.
He has to stop and catch his breath because of the exertion of moving, but he still manages to say in between breaths: ]
I spent many hours looking for you, hoping that one day, I might see your face passing by, either as a lone traveler or with a group. I would have ventured out searching for you if I had been able.
no subject
I waited. [ A small beat is allowed to pass before she looks down at his side once more. ] I was unable to leave when I was younger. I was either ill too often or weak due to the illness. Especially as Corethas is bathed in eternal winter. The Temple Knights would often come through our settlement on patrol or to find shelter when blizzards would come through. I thought... that one day I might see you. It had been to the point that I knew when new recruits had joined the ranks and when others had left for other positions.
[ Her head tilts slightly. ] Knowing that you had become the Lord Commander, however, it makes sense as to why I never saw you. You wouldn't have come to a decent sized settlement without reason. I should have tried to leave sooner.
[ She sighs and raises her hands to hover slightly above his wound. ] May I begin?
no subject
I am not worth it in the end, although I am certain she would disagree.
Still, he allows her to assist him in moving until he is positioned how she wishes him to be. A sigh escapes him and one hand moves slowly to the site of the injury, intending to simply explore it lightly and attempt to give himself a visual of the still healing area. He intends to remove his hand once Phya begins to work, but his movements are simply exploratory ones. ]
I would have come for you had I been able. It is a flimsy excuse at best, but believe me when I say that I would have searched every settlement until I found you. Even if I had to put in place an acting Lord Commander, I would have done it.
[ A sudden swell of strength rises inside him, and the tone of his voice shifts accordingly, only for it to fade mere seconds later. He does not lack in conviction, or so it seems; strength, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. ]
Of course. And- lest you wonder... [ Again, he pauses to catch his breath. If she can truly restore his lost strength, it will be a welcome change. ]
I... I care about you very much. [ If she is able to read between the lines, the care he has for her is more akin to love, and yet, somehow, speaking those exact words is something that gives him pause. He does truly love her, and yet to so plainly declare those words... Perhaps the passage of time and circumstance has caused him to forget how to speak so plainly. ] I have missed you greatly.
no subject
I understand. [ She truly does and holds nothing against him. There was a reason he never arrived... and therefore a reason for her loneliness and, frankly, pinning. A reason is more than many ever have in the settlements of Ishgard's once proud nation. ] I've found you now. That is what matters.
[ She will need to thank Ardbert even if the man does not understand why he needs the appreciation. He would have no idea of ancient souls finding each other again and again. ]
Even though we have just met? [ A small smile is on her face to tease him. ] I would have said that you would of had no idea how much I have missed you... but, we both know that is far from true. I have missed you just as much.
[ Phya bites down on her cheeks to keep the term of adornment from slipping out. She doesn't have the right. The permission. The place.
Her hands instead once more gently encompassing his. A gentle squeeze. She would tell him more, explain more, but his health is paramount. ]
It may take a few more days before you are to your usual self. I will see that you are standing once more and back to the field. Ishgard and her people need you as they ever have. [ Her gaze moves gently downwards as a blush creeps on her face. ] And I would see you healthy for my own sake as well.
no subject
Now, he feels something that has been missing for these last long years that he's spent alone: a spark. Something has come back to life, even if only slightly, and he has not felt that in a very long time.
He notes how she sits back, and he slowly reaches out to her, trying to take hold of her hand or arm or anything he can reach. He does not want her to be so far away, unless she really is that uncomfortbale around him. ]
I have much to make up for. [ It's stated simply and quietly, but Aymeric believes it to be the truth. ]
Yes, even though we have just met. But it hardly feels like our first meeting. [ Their ancient souls seem to be calling out to each other, and he is more than eager to respond. ] This time, I intend to do everything that I can to protect and defend you. Always.
[ He looks at her, and something happens that has not happened in a very long time. His eyes soften, and his lips turn up into a half-smile, and he feels the love he has for her all but radiating from him. Perhaps it is only in his mind, but it feels stronger than ever.
The squeeze of her hand on his makes his smile grow even more, and if he could do it, he would sit up again and pull her in for a longer hug. ]
What is a few more days, after all? I should endeavor to return to my duties as soon as I am able, as the people have been kept waiting for too long as it is, but I imagine that pushing myself too soon would hardly be of use to them or you.
When I am recovered, I will see to ensuring you are repaid for your efforts.
[ And now it is a case of "when" and not "if". ]
no subject
He smiles and her heart pounds. ]
I would say you have nothing to make up for, but I can see it will be a losing battle. [ She instead smiles at him. They will need to work to heal one another from the wound of her death. Simply being alive can't heal the damage done. ] You do not need to repay me. Allowing me to even heal or care for you again is more than enough. More than I thought...
[ That I would ever be able to do again.
A hand hesitantly reaches over to rest on top of his head. The other places his down in order to hover above his wound. ]
May I begin? It... it may be very uncomfortable.
no subject
[ He can't recall the last time he even felt anything like relief or a feeling of contentment, and yet having Phya here with him, regardless of what she is doing, gives him a great sense of calm.
She places her hand on his head and his eyes close briefly before opening once more. ]
Of course. If it is uncomfortable, I can manage.
[ It can't be worse than what he has dealt with so far, or worse than her experiencing death. ]
no subject
The only thought that comes to mind is simply to be held. Protected. So many nights in the cold dark true winters of Corethas had gone by and all she wished for was to be in the arms of the person she had wanted to spend every life with. Such a thing had hardly happened as often as she had wished. She can tell because that is the feeling from deep within her. ]
Very well.
[ She fears it may be quite painful.
A hand raises over the wound once more and she closes her eyes. First, she merely feels his aether. It is wild and chaotic as rushing water down a mountain when nothing obstructs it. Umbral--darkness. Not in terms of lacking light or evil. No, simply, that light is static. He is so vastly swung in one direction that she would almost have thought he to be tempered if she was simple at reading aether.
Her fingers delicately attempt to weave through the strands of aether. She hopes to simply nudge them into place so that they might weave on their own. Yet, she can tell that she will need to aid him. Not that it will not heal on it's own. The fact is far more that it will need to be directed to heal properly.
Thus, she gets to work.
Knots of aether are undone. Healing that has already begun is undone and rewoven. The work is meticulous, and yet, she seems so skilled at it. Almost as if she has always done such a thing. Especially with his aether. ]
no subject
But before they can be as they were, he must be healed and recovered so that he can be the leader and provider and partner that he needs to be. And so he grits his teeth, anticipating an unpleasant experience as she sets to work healing his injuries.
What follows is something even he was unprepared for. Her feeling his aether is not what hurts; it isn't until she begins working to undo the knots of aether that have formed, undoing the healing that has started, that the full meaning of her warnings crashes down on him.
It feels as though he is being cut apart with a knife as she undoes what healing has started. Suddenly he can see nothing except a blinding white pain, and his hands grip the blankets beneath them, turning the skin of his knuckles white as well.
Eventually, as the minutes seem to pass, some of his vision clears and the pain becomes less sharp but still uncomfortable. He finds himself trying to latch onto anything that he can think of to distract from the discomfort, but as she works, his mind only conjures up memories of the day he was bitten by the dragon, which hardly lends to a state of ease.
Still, he tries to simply force himself to lie still so he does not cause her trouble as she continues to work. ]
no subject
It brings to mind, for her, another time entirely. A cave and a dragoon--a familiar one at that--bringing Aymeric to her to heal. A large dragon's claw had gone to his back. Recognizing who he was on the spot, but fearing that he would not only not know who she was... but also reject her for what she had been at the time. Phya's ears stand on end and she jolts from the sudden unearthed memory that should not have carried over to this life.
None of her memories should.
Things repeat in odd ways.
Her fingers gently brush through the strands of his hair as he attempts to clutch onto the bed below him. She can do little to comfort as she heals. Truthfully, she had not expected his aether to fight her so much. It wishes to bend and twirl it's own way. Then again, he has always been a particular type of stubborn in all of his lives.
Will his aether recognize her as she continues to work?
Phya gently begins to brush along the bandage in hopes of guiding his aether more directly. Showing it where to connect and mend as opposed to injecting her own into the wound. It would be lost amongst the chaos. ]
no subject
What he heard next rendered him weak at the knees and he dropped back into his chair, stunned. No, he was more than stunned, he was in shock. Frozen, unable to even speak or think about anything except for what he had learned: the person he loved most, who he opened himself up in so many ways... she was dead. Gone. Forever, he thought, if not for what little he knew about souls and aether. Those thoughts were hardly reassuring in the moment.
All he felt then was numbness. And right now, in a way, feeling nothing would be better than feeling a knife's blade cutting him apart. As Phya works, the pain seems to dull a little at a time until it becomes something more tolerable. He can't tell what the difference is, as he is hardly a master of aether and its manipulation, but where his entire frame was tense and rigid, now it seems to be relaxing and unclenching as Phya continues her task.
Instead of the blinding pain, now all he feels is exhaustion. Weakness. Healing someone requires something from the healer and the person being healed, as far as Aymeric understands, and that something seems to be strength. At least, he feels as though his strength was siphoned away with the aether used to heal his wounds.
If someone wished to harm him, now would be the time to do it, as he faintly recognizes he is in quite the vulnerable position right now. He trusts Phya to do her work and to do it well, and while he would feel something of apprehension because of his vulnerable state, he is just too tired to do it.
His eyes slit open and search for hers, trying to lock onto them and convey without words that he's putting all of his trust in her. Some ancient echo from the past tells him she's never steered him wrong before, so why should he stop trusting her now? ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)