I will... my sister could be of help too. Ardbert as well. He has seen more of the world and Corethas than I have. I wasn't able to make leave of our settlement until recently. [ Her eyes fall shut. ] I am certain you could tell why... just as you can tell my abilities.
[ Her blood must give all of that away. Signs of how she is far from strong and a sickly woman. Perhaps not the intricate details, but enough to show that she is not as he knew her before. ]
Forever. [ Phya repeats the phrase. ] Until you no longer wish to be bound.
[ As surely even his ancient soul must tire of how they part. How she must disappoint him. Hurt him. ]
You didn't hurt me. I may not have survived even if you were there. [ She can't be certain what it is, but she has the deep feeling that even Aymeric could not have saved her. Something dark rumbles in her memories but she can hardly pull it to mind. ] You were performing your duties. As you always do in any life. That has always come first and... I have known and accepted it. It wasn't your fault.
[ If she had been quicker, faster, able to defend herself. Would she have lived? ]
I could never hate or despise you. It was my fault. I wasn't strong enough or fast enough. You did nothing wrong. I was the one that left you.
[ A grim thought occurs to him then, and with it, Aymeric's expression darkens slightly. ]
Perhaps... perhaps I should not ask it of you. Of any of you. Your time is better spent elsewhere, and that applies to the Warrior of Light and your sister both. I shall have to send representatives in my stead to take account of the state of the settlements and report back to me, so that I may then address what needs the people may have.
And if I cannot utilize what is available to me, then I will call upon others who may be able to lend their aid.
[ His gaze focuses back on hers for a moment. ] Your abilities? [ He pauses briefly so that he might focus on the lingering taste from the drink she gave him. ] There is a difference, but it is still you. You are still you. And, I am confident that it is possible to see you regain strength.
Why would I no longer wish to be bound? [ His own tone shifts then to something older... more ancient. ]
Do you wish to be free of this bond? [ He asks in earnest, wondering if the bond chafes her now after so many years. ]
What sort of partner... protector... What sort of person am I if I was not able to save you? My duties should not have come before my duty, my responsibility to you.
[ His gaze lowers, as does his posture, and he seems to sink in on himself just a fraction as the guilt weighs on him once more.
Of course he hears her words, but he finds it difficult to truly digest them, much less believe them. ]
Ardbert has come to help... and my sister and I followed for our own reasons. Still, I want to help. Even if I lack the strength to heal as I could before? I know alchemy. I can still be helpful. If you want me to tell you about the settlements--even putting them on a map for you? I will.
[ Phya's tail twitches slightly. ] How could I even taste the same as before? Illness and weakness aside... everything about me should be different. How is there enough that is the same?
[ His tone shifts. Her ears stand on end. Breath catches in her throat. Eyes widen. Her heart pounds loudly in her chest and ears. Surely, he can tell how her heart beats faster and louder now. Aymeric and her ancient love are the same being--the same person. Yet, hearing the age in his voice has always made her weak at the knees. A stoic wall that lifts to show the love they've shared despite the many rebirths and time that has passed. ]
No! [ Her answer is immediate. Tears come to her eyes. That longing feels as if it will consume her. But, she hasn't been forgiven. She hasn't yet been told she may call him by his ancient or current name. Let alone the affectionate names. ] No, I don't. But, how could you stand to be with me after all the hurt I've caused you?
[ She stands then. Arms move from around him to encompassing his shoulders. Hands guide him to rest her head against her bosom. One hand rests on the back of his head. Hopefully he will not be angry. ]
Your duties have always come first. I know it and accept it in any life. Your people, no matter who they are, mean the world to you. How could I ask you place me ahead of them?
[ Even if it had led to their parting in more than one life.]
If that is the case, and all of you are offering your assistance, of course I will not turn it down. To have the aid of one such as Ardbert, and that of yourself and your sister? I am not foolish enough to think that such aid is anything but invaluable.
And... I think you have more strength than you realize. Of course, for now, a map of the settlements is more than enough.
[ Aymeric tilts his head to one side as if considering her and her words carefully. ] Some things do not change. Appearances may change; the state of one's health may very clearly change. [ He gestures to himself as if to underline his point. ]
You are still you, and I would know you anywhere.
[ His eyebrows lift in surprise at the sudden speed and force of her answer. It surprises him, but it pulls him away from his thoughts that are trying to take a darker turn. ]
How can I stand to be with you? There is no one else that I would rather be with, even after everything that we have gone through.
[ He feels her arms move to circle his shoulders, and then he feels her hands on either side of his head, guiding him until he's resting against her. He doesn't pull away or resist her movements, simply letting her guide him where she will. He's far from angry; instead, he just wants to stay like this, to rest against her and be with her. ]
I may always have responsibilities, duties, tasks that must be fulfilled... But by that same token, I will always have a responsibility and a duty to you that must be seen to as well, if not above everything else, when the situation calls for it. When it does not... it is about finding that balance, but I must say that you will always be slightly above it all, in my mind.
I have enough to do my duty. There's not much beyond that. [ Her tail stills once more and ears press to her head again. ] Once you're back on your feet? I will reach out to my sister and Ardbert. House Foretemps has taken us in while we're here in Ishgard. I'm... not certain what Ardbert will plan to do.
[ Her gaze softens at his answer. Her heart skips a beat. He truly is her ancient lover; her knight. Not that any doubt had been in her mind about it at all. Still, it proves that he can be who he is despite the illness from his injury and the darker turn of his thoughts and personality. All stay of her own doing in her mind despite what he says.
Her fingers gently brush along the strands of his hair. It's oily, and long. Dirty and in need of cleaning. That will be once his wound has closed and he can bathe properly. If he will wish her aid in that act remains to be seen. ]
It rarely allows for a balance of such things: life. [ Phya's eyes close and she can recall instances from other lives. Things that torn them apart. Moments in which they were so close to being together and were still unable to have the realization of the life they longed for in ancient days. ] First... we must see to your health now. I can heal your wound through aether if you'd like. You will need to eat once more after you've rested...
I find that difficult to believe. In fact, I rather think that I might be bold enough to beg to differ. [ For reasons he is still beginning to understand, he feels a certain confidence in Phya, perhaps because he knows her and knows that she contains a great strength inside her, regardless of her current condition. ]
Again, whatever assistance you offer is appreciated and it is more than enough.
[ When she brushes against the strands of his hair, he feels slightly embarrassed, as he knows he has not taken care of himself one bit. His hair is unwashed, as is the rest of him, and he is quite certainly not a desirable sight to behold at the moment. Still, he finds he does not wish to pull away, even though he knows it must not be pleasant, touching his uncared for hair.
Instead, his eyes slide closed for a moment as exhaustion sweeps over him. He still feels weak and tired and the wound still gives him discomfort. He was able to conjure up enough strength to speak with her and exchange words, but it seems as though his condition has caught up to him once more.
He wishes only to rest against her, perhaps to even rest his head against her shoulder, granting her permission to heal him with whatever means she feels are necessary. Perhaps he is in worse shape than even he realized, as now all he wishes to do is simply drift off to sleep. Perhaps to not wake again? No, I will not do that, not now that I have found her. I must live. ]
I- I have spent too long in this diminished state. There are things that need my attention, and more importantly, you are here now, and I must... I wish to be able to stand on my own so that I might welcome you properly.
[ He pushes aside the feelings of weakness that are trying to pull him down so that he can respond appropriately. ]
Will it tax you overly if you use aether to do your work?
[ She offers a smile he can't truly see pressed against her chest. No, she rather doubts her strength is not in physicality. Healing, alchemy, and perhaps even a stubbornness are her strength.
Regardless of his appearance or condition, Phya continues to brush through his hair. The motion is soothing for both of them. A part of her longs to simply be held and shielded--a childish dream that she does not deserve to see happen yet. Maybe once he has forgiven her and given permission she will have that without guilt plaguing her. ]
No. I can rest while you sleep. [ A nod to reaffirm her statements. She will be fine. ] Lay down, Ser. I'll help and then I will get to work.
[ Well, if her strength is not in her physical attributes, perhaps even then, all is not lost. Of course, Aymeric loves her as she is and how she is, and so if she is resigned to her state of being, then the best thing he can do is simply continue to love her as he has done for so long now.
As she continues brushing her hands through his hair, he feels his eyelids growing heavier as the need for sleep continues to pull on him. How long has it been since he really slept well? His wounds might continue to trouble him, but for the first time in a very long time, he feels almost peaceful. Not that he believes someone like him deserves peace. ]
All right. [ He imagines she would not simply tell him something to appease him, and so he decides to simply take her at her word. Perhaps in doing so, she will also know that he trusts her and believes her.
It takes some movements once more to position himself properly, and he frowns and winces as the wound protests, but he manages to return to a prostrate position after a short while.
He has to stop and catch his breath because of the exertion of moving, but he still manages to say in between breaths: ]
I spent many hours looking for you, hoping that one day, I might see your face passing by, either as a lone traveler or with a group. I would have ventured out searching for you if I had been able.
[ Phya aids him in moving how she can. It still takes a small amount of time as well as care given their size difference and his wound. She guides him to rest on his good side so that she might pull his shirt up and begin the process of healing him. A sharp inhale is given before her ice-blue eyes move back to his face. ]
I waited. [ A small beat is allowed to pass before she looks down at his side once more. ] I was unable to leave when I was younger. I was either ill too often or weak due to the illness. Especially as Corethas is bathed in eternal winter. The Temple Knights would often come through our settlement on patrol or to find shelter when blizzards would come through. I thought... that one day I might see you. It had been to the point that I knew when new recruits had joined the ranks and when others had left for other positions.
[ Her head tilts slightly. ] Knowing that you had become the Lord Commander, however, it makes sense as to why I never saw you. You wouldn't have come to a decent sized settlement without reason. I should have tried to leave sooner.
[ She sighs and raises her hands to hover slightly above his wound. ] May I begin?
[ He despises how moving to any degree causes him to feel exhausted, as if every part of him has been pushed past its limits. Of course, he covers it up with the most stoic expression that he can manage, because the last thing he wishes to do is cause Phya to worry on his behalf.
I am not worth it in the end, although I am certain she would disagree.
Still, he allows her to assist him in moving until he is positioned how she wishes him to be. A sigh escapes him and one hand moves slowly to the site of the injury, intending to simply explore it lightly and attempt to give himself a visual of the still healing area. He intends to remove his hand once Phya begins to work, but his movements are simply exploratory ones. ]
I would have come for you had I been able. It is a flimsy excuse at best, but believe me when I say that I would have searched every settlement until I found you. Even if I had to put in place an acting Lord Commander, I would have done it.
[ A sudden swell of strength rises inside him, and the tone of his voice shifts accordingly, only for it to fade mere seconds later. He does not lack in conviction, or so it seems; strength, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. ]
Of course. And- lest you wonder... [ Again, he pauses to catch his breath. If she can truly restore his lost strength, it will be a welcome change. ]
I... I care about you very much. [ If she is able to read between the lines, the care he has for her is more akin to love, and yet, somehow, speaking those exact words is something that gives him pause. He does truly love her, and yet to so plainly declare those words... Perhaps the passage of time and circumstance has caused him to forget how to speak so plainly. ] I have missed you greatly.
[ Her hands still once more as he begins to lightly explore his wound. Progress, she supposes. Before he had written off the wound without a care of how it looked or what it entailed. Phya sits back as well to allow him the space he needs. Or, the space she believes he needs, as she wouldn't encroach on him more than she already has. ]
I understand. [ She truly does and holds nothing against him. There was a reason he never arrived... and therefore a reason for her loneliness and, frankly, pinning. A reason is more than many ever have in the settlements of Ishgard's once proud nation. ] I've found you now. That is what matters.
[ She will need to thank Ardbert even if the man does not understand why he needs the appreciation. He would have no idea of ancient souls finding each other again and again. ]
Even though we have just met? [ A small smile is on her face to tease him. ] I would have said that you would of had no idea how much I have missed you... but, we both know that is far from true. I have missed you just as much.
[ Phya bites down on her cheeks to keep the term of adornment from slipping out. She doesn't have the right. The permission. The place.
Her hands instead once more gently encompassing his. A gentle squeeze. She would tell him more, explain more, but his health is paramount. ]
It may take a few more days before you are to your usual self. I will see that you are standing once more and back to the field. Ishgard and her people need you as they ever have. [ Her gaze moves gently downwards as a blush creeps on her face. ] And I would see you healthy for my own sake as well.
[ It is only just beginning to sink in for him, but he has not been living since he lost her and since he was turned. He had no interest in living without her, but he wasn't about to simply die. He simply was just going to exist.
Now, he feels something that has been missing for these last long years that he's spent alone: a spark. Something has come back to life, even if only slightly, and he has not felt that in a very long time.
He notes how she sits back, and he slowly reaches out to her, trying to take hold of her hand or arm or anything he can reach. He does not want her to be so far away, unless she really is that uncomfortbale around him. ]
I have much to make up for. [ It's stated simply and quietly, but Aymeric believes it to be the truth. ]
Yes, even though we have just met. But it hardly feels like our first meeting. [ Their ancient souls seem to be calling out to each other, and he is more than eager to respond. ] This time, I intend to do everything that I can to protect and defend you. Always.
[ He looks at her, and something happens that has not happened in a very long time. His eyes soften, and his lips turn up into a half-smile, and he feels the love he has for her all but radiating from him. Perhaps it is only in his mind, but it feels stronger than ever.
The squeeze of her hand on his makes his smile grow even more, and if he could do it, he would sit up again and pull her in for a longer hug. ]
What is a few more days, after all? I should endeavor to return to my duties as soon as I am able, as the people have been kept waiting for too long as it is, but I imagine that pushing myself too soon would hardly be of use to them or you.
When I am recovered, I will see to ensuring you are repaid for your efforts.
[ Her hands squeeze his once more. A gentle look takes her face. No, it's most certainly not their first meeting. They have met again and again through lives by design. Bound together in hopes of finding the other in their next lives.
He smiles and her heart pounds. ]
I would say you have nothing to make up for, but I can see it will be a losing battle. [ She instead smiles at him. They will need to work to heal one another from the wound of her death. Simply being alive can't heal the damage done. ] You do not need to repay me. Allowing me to even heal or care for you again is more than enough. More than I thought...
[ That I would ever be able to do again.
A hand hesitantly reaches over to rest on top of his head. The other places his down in order to hover above his wound. ]
Oh, but I must repay you. But as for the rest, you have my full permission to do whatever it is you desire. I am simply relieved to have you here once more.
[ He can't recall the last time he even felt anything like relief or a feeling of contentment, and yet having Phya here with him, regardless of what she is doing, gives him a great sense of calm.
She places her hand on his head and his eyes close briefly before opening once more. ]
Of course. If it is uncomfortable, I can manage.
[ It can't be worse than what he has dealt with so far, or worse than her experiencing death. ]
The only thought that comes to mind is simply to be held. Protected. So many nights in the cold dark true winters of Corethas had gone by and all she wished for was to be in the arms of the person she had wanted to spend every life with. Such a thing had hardly happened as often as she had wished. She can tell because that is the feeling from deep within her. ]
Very well.
[ She fears it may be quite painful.
A hand raises over the wound once more and she closes her eyes. First, she merely feels his aether. It is wild and chaotic as rushing water down a mountain when nothing obstructs it. Umbral--darkness. Not in terms of lacking light or evil. No, simply, that light is static. He is so vastly swung in one direction that she would almost have thought he to be tempered if she was simple at reading aether.
Her fingers delicately attempt to weave through the strands of aether. She hopes to simply nudge them into place so that they might weave on their own. Yet, she can tell that she will need to aid him. Not that it will not heal on it's own. The fact is far more that it will need to be directed to heal properly.
Thus, she gets to work.
Knots of aether are undone. Healing that has already begun is undone and rewoven. The work is meticulous, and yet, she seems so skilled at it. Almost as if she has always done such a thing. Especially with his aether. ]
[ Aymeric's only desire is to be with Phya and make up for the time that they both have lost. If her desire is to be held and protected, then he is more than willing to oblige. He has missed her, a thing that does not need to be said, and so it seems that their desires are by and large the same.
But before they can be as they were, he must be healed and recovered so that he can be the leader and provider and partner that he needs to be. And so he grits his teeth, anticipating an unpleasant experience as she sets to work healing his injuries.
What follows is something even he was unprepared for. Her feeling his aether is not what hurts; it isn't until she begins working to undo the knots of aether that have formed, undoing the healing that has started, that the full meaning of her warnings crashes down on him.
It feels as though he is being cut apart with a knife as she undoes what healing has started. Suddenly he can see nothing except a blinding white pain, and his hands grip the blankets beneath them, turning the skin of his knuckles white as well.
Eventually, as the minutes seem to pass, some of his vision clears and the pain becomes less sharp but still uncomfortable. He finds himself trying to latch onto anything that he can think of to distract from the discomfort, but as she works, his mind only conjures up memories of the day he was bitten by the dragon, which hardly lends to a state of ease.
Still, he tries to simply force himself to lie still so he does not cause her trouble as she continues to work. ]
[ The memories that come to mind of his attack also come through his aether. She can see the dragon attack. How it latched onto his side and meant to kill. He would have died, if he were not a vampire, and had the ability to heal faster than a normal being might.
It brings to mind, for her, another time entirely. A cave and a dragoon--a familiar one at that--bringing Aymeric to her to heal. A large dragon's claw had gone to his back. Recognizing who he was on the spot, but fearing that he would not only not know who she was... but also reject her for what she had been at the time. Phya's ears stand on end and she jolts from the sudden unearthed memory that should not have carried over to this life.
None of her memories should.
Things repeat in odd ways.
Her fingers gently brush through the strands of his hair as he attempts to clutch onto the bed below him. She can do little to comfort as she heals. Truthfully, she had not expected his aether to fight her so much. It wishes to bend and twirl it's own way. Then again, he has always been a particular type of stubborn in all of his lives.
Will his aether recognize her as she continues to work?
Phya gently begins to brush along the bandage in hopes of guiding his aether more directly. Showing it where to connect and mend as opposed to injecting her own into the wound. It would be lost amongst the chaos. ]
[ Something else springs to mind: not a recollection of another time in which he was injured, but one that hurts far more. He remembers a messenger arriving with news for him; the person was grim-faced and serious, and it instantly made him stand up and ask what had happened.
What he heard next rendered him weak at the knees and he dropped back into his chair, stunned. No, he was more than stunned, he was in shock. Frozen, unable to even speak or think about anything except for what he had learned: the person he loved most, who he opened himself up in so many ways... she was dead. Gone. Forever, he thought, if not for what little he knew about souls and aether. Those thoughts were hardly reassuring in the moment.
All he felt then was numbness. And right now, in a way, feeling nothing would be better than feeling a knife's blade cutting him apart. As Phya works, the pain seems to dull a little at a time until it becomes something more tolerable. He can't tell what the difference is, as he is hardly a master of aether and its manipulation, but where his entire frame was tense and rigid, now it seems to be relaxing and unclenching as Phya continues her task.
Instead of the blinding pain, now all he feels is exhaustion. Weakness. Healing someone requires something from the healer and the person being healed, as far as Aymeric understands, and that something seems to be strength. At least, he feels as though his strength was siphoned away with the aether used to heal his wounds.
If someone wished to harm him, now would be the time to do it, as he faintly recognizes he is in quite the vulnerable position right now. He trusts Phya to do her work and to do it well, and while he would feel something of apprehension because of his vulnerable state, he is just too tired to do it.
His eyes slit open and search for hers, trying to lock onto them and convey without words that he's putting all of his trust in her. Some ancient echo from the past tells him she's never steered him wrong before, so why should he stop trusting her now? ]
[ Phya's eyes open ever so slightly to meet his. A small smile is given, her tail swaying gently side to side. While his aether is still rather stubborn? The idea she had is working. It travels in a way to reattach itself in a way that will certainly exhausted him, but, will lead to properly healing. Within a few days he will be properly on his feet. The strength will come in the days following that event. Then, he will be able to lead his people and face the Holy See as needed.
Not that she desires praise or to even be shown off to the public. Far from it. She simply wishes to live quietly with him--as quiet as one can with the Lord Commander of the Temple Knights. No doubt her sister will still wish to travel and continue to look for her long lost friend. The sights she will see and the travels she will have... they will truly be a thing of wonder. A wonder that her sister will rush back to tell.
Phya has no desire to see the world anymore. She simply wishes for what she has always wanted: a life with her other half. ]
I'm tired. [ Her voice rings of old tones despite her youthful appearance. Blue eyes fall slightly to the wound to make certain the aether flows. ] I don't wish to adventure or to see the world anymore. I simply wish to be here... with you.
[ He does his best to focus his gaze on hers, wanting to look only at her as she works at healing his wounds. It distracts him from the discomfort and reminds him that she's here, she's with him. They have a chance of being together as both of them continuously long for.
He finds words difficult to form in the moment, but his eyes open just a little wider in response to her own words expressing how she feels and what her wishes are concerning them. His hand relaxes its hold on the blankets and shifts to try and find hers so that he can lightly brush his fingers against the back of her hand. It might seem like a curious action, but it's meant to communicate that he wishes the same. They are both tired, and older, no matter how they might look, and all he wants is to just be with her.
Maybe they don't have lofty dreams anymore, but there's things that he still wishes to do with her now: little things like taking walks, holding each other's hands, talking about anything that comes to mind... It doesn't matter what it is, so long as they are together.
His fingers move, lightly brushing her hand once more. ]
[ Her gaze shifts to his at his light tough. A small smile is given, but still filled with worry and doubt he will decide to have nothing to do with her by the end. A fear that he would have spent enough of his soul's existence waiting to be with her. Perhaps it is best if she finds a way to reverse it--simply for his sake.
Much of her ancient soul has truly given up on the concept that life would allow their bond to remain.
He has always been the stronger of the pair of them. One isn't meant to remember things from lives gone past. Yet, somehow, she knows quite a few many things. For some reason, her ancient soul refuses to let go of the memories of lives in which they failed to be together. The feeling of losing him again bubbles to mind, but Phya pushes it to the side for now. Healing him is what matters the most at the moment.
She gently moves her fingers along the wounds to continue guiding his aether. The worst of the damage has been lightly linked, making it so his natural healing can properly heal. Rest and food will be what he needs next. Thus, her hand lifts and gently brushes along his. ]
I will reexamine after you rest... but it should be able to heal properly on its own now.
[ Simply lying here holding her hand is hardly enough for him. Of course, he knows he should not push himself when she has only just finished tending to his wound, but he has done nothing but lie down unable to move for too long. Before, he had no reason to wish to move, but she is here with him, alive and well except for how she appears small and unhealthy. But if he has anything to say about it, he'll do what he can to see that she catches up on everything that she has missed because of the war.
She keeps guiding his aether along, but he already feels stronger than before, so he tries to shift on the bed, attempting at least some sort of movement. She may not allow him to sit up, but he wants to move, to position himself into something as close to sitting as possible.
After a moment, he finds his voice again, because there are words that he wishes to say. ]
Then- allow me to forestall rest for a moment longer. [ His voice does not sound as strong as he would like, but it will have to do for now. ] I imagine you have had enough of silence, and- [ He hesitates briefly, wondering if he should say this next part. But he sees no reason to withhold it. ] I have missed the sound of your voice. It still is your voice, even now.
[ He shifts again, trying to push himself up just a little by leaning on one elbow, but he knows that moving too much will cause him to tire too soon... sooner than he wishes, so he pauses there. ]
The moment he attempts to sit, the hand at his side moves to his chest and lightly presses. The intention behind the motion is clear: lay down. Should he wish to lay on his back and speak until he sleeps? She will oblige. However, he is far from the condition to sit.
It is still YOUR voice, even now.
Phya's ears lift slightly. Her hands tremble. Her ancient soul seems to cry out inside at the recognition. Intuition tells her that he realizes more than when they met in her previous life. He has somehow come into more of an understanding of their ancient relationship. Perhaps it was time or the fact they had parted ways.
A blush forms on her cheeks before she shyly looks down. Her tail sways ever so slightly. ]
What... what would you like to discuss, Ser?
[ She can't even think his name. Not until given permission. She must earn that right back. ]
[ His expression shifts to one of clear discontent, as he wants to sit up and speak properly with her. There is much he wishes to say, some of which has been lost to the intervening years, but he still wishes to tell her all the things he has been unable to until now.
She will not allow him to sit, and while he wishes to protest, with a reluctant sigh, he lowers himself back down until he's resting against the bed once more.
Still, he does not look away from her, even as she blushes and looks down. ]
First... [ He manages a half smile for her benefit, to illustrate that he is amused rather than put out. He hopes she recognizes this as saying she never lost the right to address him by his name. ] My name is Aymeric, not Ser.
[ An apologetic expression settles on her face. She knows he wishes to be moving and doing all that he may normally do. Yet, he is still healing, and those things will simply make it more difficult to heal. He has never been one to wish being out of commission in any of his lives.
Her hand gently lifts from his chest, almost as if shying away from touching him out of turn. Out of place.
Then, it lowers into her lap. It begins to twist with her other hand. A nervous tick in any life. ]
I know your name. [ Her gaze quickly moves to his to show she saw his smile. ] That hardly means I've earned the permission back to say it... let alone think it. Not after leaving you here.
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synthneon2024-11-25 02:03 am
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[ Her blood must give all of that away. Signs of how she is far from strong and a sickly woman. Perhaps not the intricate details, but enough to show that she is not as he knew her before. ]
Forever. [ Phya repeats the phrase. ] Until you no longer wish to be bound.
[ As surely even his ancient soul must tire of how they part. How she must disappoint him. Hurt him. ]
You didn't hurt me. I may not have survived even if you were there. [ She can't be certain what it is, but she has the deep feeling that even Aymeric could not have saved her. Something dark rumbles in her memories but she can hardly pull it to mind. ] You were performing your duties. As you always do in any life. That has always come first and... I have known and accepted it. It wasn't your fault.
[ If she had been quicker, faster, able to defend herself. Would she have lived? ]
I could never hate or despise you. It was my fault. I wasn't strong enough or fast enough. You did nothing wrong. I was the one that left you.
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Perhaps... perhaps I should not ask it of you. Of any of you. Your time is better spent elsewhere, and that applies to the Warrior of Light and your sister both. I shall have to send representatives in my stead to take account of the state of the settlements and report back to me, so that I may then address what needs the people may have.
And if I cannot utilize what is available to me, then I will call upon others who may be able to lend their aid.
[ His gaze focuses back on hers for a moment. ] Your abilities? [ He pauses briefly so that he might focus on the lingering taste from the drink she gave him. ] There is a difference, but it is still you. You are still you. And, I am confident that it is possible to see you regain strength.
Why would I no longer wish to be bound? [ His own tone shifts then to something older... more ancient. ]
Do you wish to be free of this bond? [ He asks in earnest, wondering if the bond chafes her now after so many years. ]
What sort of partner... protector... What sort of person am I if I was not able to save you? My duties should not have come before my duty, my responsibility to you.
[ His gaze lowers, as does his posture, and he seems to sink in on himself just a fraction as the guilt weighs on him once more.
Of course he hears her words, but he finds it difficult to truly digest them, much less believe them. ]
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[ Phya's tail twitches slightly. ] How could I even taste the same as before? Illness and weakness aside... everything about me should be different. How is there enough that is the same?
[ His tone shifts. Her ears stand on end. Breath catches in her throat. Eyes widen. Her heart pounds loudly in her chest and ears. Surely, he can tell how her heart beats faster and louder now. Aymeric and her ancient love are the same being--the same person. Yet, hearing the age in his voice has always made her weak at the knees. A stoic wall that lifts to show the love they've shared despite the many rebirths and time that has passed. ]
No! [ Her answer is immediate. Tears come to her eyes. That longing feels as if it will consume her. But, she hasn't been forgiven. She hasn't yet been told she may call him by his ancient or current name. Let alone the affectionate names. ] No, I don't. But, how could you stand to be with me after all the hurt I've caused you?
[ She stands then. Arms move from around him to encompassing his shoulders. Hands guide him to rest her head against her bosom. One hand rests on the back of his head. Hopefully he will not be angry. ]
Your duties have always come first. I know it and accept it in any life. Your people, no matter who they are, mean the world to you. How could I ask you place me ahead of them?
[ Even if it had led to their parting in more than one life.]
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And... I think you have more strength than you realize. Of course, for now, a map of the settlements is more than enough.
[ Aymeric tilts his head to one side as if considering her and her words carefully. ] Some things do not change. Appearances may change; the state of one's health may very clearly change. [ He gestures to himself as if to underline his point. ]
You are still you, and I would know you anywhere.
[ His eyebrows lift in surprise at the sudden speed and force of her answer. It surprises him, but it pulls him away from his thoughts that are trying to take a darker turn. ]
How can I stand to be with you? There is no one else that I would rather be with, even after everything that we have gone through.
[ He feels her arms move to circle his shoulders, and then he feels her hands on either side of his head, guiding him until he's resting against her. He doesn't pull away or resist her movements, simply letting her guide him where she will. He's far from angry; instead, he just wants to stay like this, to rest against her and be with her. ]
I may always have responsibilities, duties, tasks that must be fulfilled... But by that same token, I will always have a responsibility and a duty to you that must be seen to as well, if not above everything else, when the situation calls for it. When it does not... it is about finding that balance, but I must say that you will always be slightly above it all, in my mind.
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[ Her gaze softens at his answer. Her heart skips a beat. He truly is her ancient lover; her knight. Not that any doubt had been in her mind about it at all. Still, it proves that he can be who he is despite the illness from his injury and the darker turn of his thoughts and personality. All stay of her own doing in her mind despite what he says.
Her fingers gently brush along the strands of his hair. It's oily, and long. Dirty and in need of cleaning. That will be once his wound has closed and he can bathe properly. If he will wish her aid in that act remains to be seen. ]
It rarely allows for a balance of such things: life. [ Phya's eyes close and she can recall instances from other lives. Things that torn them apart. Moments in which they were so close to being together and were still unable to have the realization of the life they longed for in ancient days. ] First... we must see to your health now. I can heal your wound through aether if you'd like. You will need to eat once more after you've rested...
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Again, whatever assistance you offer is appreciated and it is more than enough.
[ When she brushes against the strands of his hair, he feels slightly embarrassed, as he knows he has not taken care of himself one bit. His hair is unwashed, as is the rest of him, and he is quite certainly not a desirable sight to behold at the moment. Still, he finds he does not wish to pull away, even though he knows it must not be pleasant, touching his uncared for hair.
Instead, his eyes slide closed for a moment as exhaustion sweeps over him. He still feels weak and tired and the wound still gives him discomfort. He was able to conjure up enough strength to speak with her and exchange words, but it seems as though his condition has caught up to him once more.
He wishes only to rest against her, perhaps to even rest his head against her shoulder, granting her permission to heal him with whatever means she feels are necessary. Perhaps he is in worse shape than even he realized, as now all he wishes to do is simply drift off to sleep. Perhaps to not wake again? No, I will not do that, not now that I have found her. I must live. ]
I- I have spent too long in this diminished state. There are things that need my attention, and more importantly, you are here now, and I must... I wish to be able to stand on my own so that I might welcome you properly.
[ He pushes aside the feelings of weakness that are trying to pull him down so that he can respond appropriately. ]
Will it tax you overly if you use aether to do your work?
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Regardless of his appearance or condition, Phya continues to brush through his hair. The motion is soothing for both of them. A part of her longs to simply be held and shielded--a childish dream that she does not deserve to see happen yet. Maybe once he has forgiven her and given permission she will have that without guilt plaguing her. ]
No. I can rest while you sleep. [ A nod to reaffirm her statements. She will be fine. ] Lay down, Ser. I'll help and then I will get to work.
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As she continues brushing her hands through his hair, he feels his eyelids growing heavier as the need for sleep continues to pull on him. How long has it been since he really slept well? His wounds might continue to trouble him, but for the first time in a very long time, he feels almost peaceful. Not that he believes someone like him deserves peace. ]
All right. [ He imagines she would not simply tell him something to appease him, and so he decides to simply take her at her word. Perhaps in doing so, she will also know that he trusts her and believes her.
It takes some movements once more to position himself properly, and he frowns and winces as the wound protests, but he manages to return to a prostrate position after a short while.
He has to stop and catch his breath because of the exertion of moving, but he still manages to say in between breaths: ]
I spent many hours looking for you, hoping that one day, I might see your face passing by, either as a lone traveler or with a group. I would have ventured out searching for you if I had been able.
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I waited. [ A small beat is allowed to pass before she looks down at his side once more. ] I was unable to leave when I was younger. I was either ill too often or weak due to the illness. Especially as Corethas is bathed in eternal winter. The Temple Knights would often come through our settlement on patrol or to find shelter when blizzards would come through. I thought... that one day I might see you. It had been to the point that I knew when new recruits had joined the ranks and when others had left for other positions.
[ Her head tilts slightly. ] Knowing that you had become the Lord Commander, however, it makes sense as to why I never saw you. You wouldn't have come to a decent sized settlement without reason. I should have tried to leave sooner.
[ She sighs and raises her hands to hover slightly above his wound. ] May I begin?
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I am not worth it in the end, although I am certain she would disagree.
Still, he allows her to assist him in moving until he is positioned how she wishes him to be. A sigh escapes him and one hand moves slowly to the site of the injury, intending to simply explore it lightly and attempt to give himself a visual of the still healing area. He intends to remove his hand once Phya begins to work, but his movements are simply exploratory ones. ]
I would have come for you had I been able. It is a flimsy excuse at best, but believe me when I say that I would have searched every settlement until I found you. Even if I had to put in place an acting Lord Commander, I would have done it.
[ A sudden swell of strength rises inside him, and the tone of his voice shifts accordingly, only for it to fade mere seconds later. He does not lack in conviction, or so it seems; strength, on the other hand, is another matter entirely. ]
Of course. And- lest you wonder... [ Again, he pauses to catch his breath. If she can truly restore his lost strength, it will be a welcome change. ]
I... I care about you very much. [ If she is able to read between the lines, the care he has for her is more akin to love, and yet, somehow, speaking those exact words is something that gives him pause. He does truly love her, and yet to so plainly declare those words... Perhaps the passage of time and circumstance has caused him to forget how to speak so plainly. ] I have missed you greatly.
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I understand. [ She truly does and holds nothing against him. There was a reason he never arrived... and therefore a reason for her loneliness and, frankly, pinning. A reason is more than many ever have in the settlements of Ishgard's once proud nation. ] I've found you now. That is what matters.
[ She will need to thank Ardbert even if the man does not understand why he needs the appreciation. He would have no idea of ancient souls finding each other again and again. ]
Even though we have just met? [ A small smile is on her face to tease him. ] I would have said that you would of had no idea how much I have missed you... but, we both know that is far from true. I have missed you just as much.
[ Phya bites down on her cheeks to keep the term of adornment from slipping out. She doesn't have the right. The permission. The place.
Her hands instead once more gently encompassing his. A gentle squeeze. She would tell him more, explain more, but his health is paramount. ]
It may take a few more days before you are to your usual self. I will see that you are standing once more and back to the field. Ishgard and her people need you as they ever have. [ Her gaze moves gently downwards as a blush creeps on her face. ] And I would see you healthy for my own sake as well.
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Now, he feels something that has been missing for these last long years that he's spent alone: a spark. Something has come back to life, even if only slightly, and he has not felt that in a very long time.
He notes how she sits back, and he slowly reaches out to her, trying to take hold of her hand or arm or anything he can reach. He does not want her to be so far away, unless she really is that uncomfortbale around him. ]
I have much to make up for. [ It's stated simply and quietly, but Aymeric believes it to be the truth. ]
Yes, even though we have just met. But it hardly feels like our first meeting. [ Their ancient souls seem to be calling out to each other, and he is more than eager to respond. ] This time, I intend to do everything that I can to protect and defend you. Always.
[ He looks at her, and something happens that has not happened in a very long time. His eyes soften, and his lips turn up into a half-smile, and he feels the love he has for her all but radiating from him. Perhaps it is only in his mind, but it feels stronger than ever.
The squeeze of her hand on his makes his smile grow even more, and if he could do it, he would sit up again and pull her in for a longer hug. ]
What is a few more days, after all? I should endeavor to return to my duties as soon as I am able, as the people have been kept waiting for too long as it is, but I imagine that pushing myself too soon would hardly be of use to them or you.
When I am recovered, I will see to ensuring you are repaid for your efforts.
[ And now it is a case of "when" and not "if". ]
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He smiles and her heart pounds. ]
I would say you have nothing to make up for, but I can see it will be a losing battle. [ She instead smiles at him. They will need to work to heal one another from the wound of her death. Simply being alive can't heal the damage done. ] You do not need to repay me. Allowing me to even heal or care for you again is more than enough. More than I thought...
[ That I would ever be able to do again.
A hand hesitantly reaches over to rest on top of his head. The other places his down in order to hover above his wound. ]
May I begin? It... it may be very uncomfortable.
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[ He can't recall the last time he even felt anything like relief or a feeling of contentment, and yet having Phya here with him, regardless of what she is doing, gives him a great sense of calm.
She places her hand on his head and his eyes close briefly before opening once more. ]
Of course. If it is uncomfortable, I can manage.
[ It can't be worse than what he has dealt with so far, or worse than her experiencing death. ]
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The only thought that comes to mind is simply to be held. Protected. So many nights in the cold dark true winters of Corethas had gone by and all she wished for was to be in the arms of the person she had wanted to spend every life with. Such a thing had hardly happened as often as she had wished. She can tell because that is the feeling from deep within her. ]
Very well.
[ She fears it may be quite painful.
A hand raises over the wound once more and she closes her eyes. First, she merely feels his aether. It is wild and chaotic as rushing water down a mountain when nothing obstructs it. Umbral--darkness. Not in terms of lacking light or evil. No, simply, that light is static. He is so vastly swung in one direction that she would almost have thought he to be tempered if she was simple at reading aether.
Her fingers delicately attempt to weave through the strands of aether. She hopes to simply nudge them into place so that they might weave on their own. Yet, she can tell that she will need to aid him. Not that it will not heal on it's own. The fact is far more that it will need to be directed to heal properly.
Thus, she gets to work.
Knots of aether are undone. Healing that has already begun is undone and rewoven. The work is meticulous, and yet, she seems so skilled at it. Almost as if she has always done such a thing. Especially with his aether. ]
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But before they can be as they were, he must be healed and recovered so that he can be the leader and provider and partner that he needs to be. And so he grits his teeth, anticipating an unpleasant experience as she sets to work healing his injuries.
What follows is something even he was unprepared for. Her feeling his aether is not what hurts; it isn't until she begins working to undo the knots of aether that have formed, undoing the healing that has started, that the full meaning of her warnings crashes down on him.
It feels as though he is being cut apart with a knife as she undoes what healing has started. Suddenly he can see nothing except a blinding white pain, and his hands grip the blankets beneath them, turning the skin of his knuckles white as well.
Eventually, as the minutes seem to pass, some of his vision clears and the pain becomes less sharp but still uncomfortable. He finds himself trying to latch onto anything that he can think of to distract from the discomfort, but as she works, his mind only conjures up memories of the day he was bitten by the dragon, which hardly lends to a state of ease.
Still, he tries to simply force himself to lie still so he does not cause her trouble as she continues to work. ]
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It brings to mind, for her, another time entirely. A cave and a dragoon--a familiar one at that--bringing Aymeric to her to heal. A large dragon's claw had gone to his back. Recognizing who he was on the spot, but fearing that he would not only not know who she was... but also reject her for what she had been at the time. Phya's ears stand on end and she jolts from the sudden unearthed memory that should not have carried over to this life.
None of her memories should.
Things repeat in odd ways.
Her fingers gently brush through the strands of his hair as he attempts to clutch onto the bed below him. She can do little to comfort as she heals. Truthfully, she had not expected his aether to fight her so much. It wishes to bend and twirl it's own way. Then again, he has always been a particular type of stubborn in all of his lives.
Will his aether recognize her as she continues to work?
Phya gently begins to brush along the bandage in hopes of guiding his aether more directly. Showing it where to connect and mend as opposed to injecting her own into the wound. It would be lost amongst the chaos. ]
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What he heard next rendered him weak at the knees and he dropped back into his chair, stunned. No, he was more than stunned, he was in shock. Frozen, unable to even speak or think about anything except for what he had learned: the person he loved most, who he opened himself up in so many ways... she was dead. Gone. Forever, he thought, if not for what little he knew about souls and aether. Those thoughts were hardly reassuring in the moment.
All he felt then was numbness. And right now, in a way, feeling nothing would be better than feeling a knife's blade cutting him apart. As Phya works, the pain seems to dull a little at a time until it becomes something more tolerable. He can't tell what the difference is, as he is hardly a master of aether and its manipulation, but where his entire frame was tense and rigid, now it seems to be relaxing and unclenching as Phya continues her task.
Instead of the blinding pain, now all he feels is exhaustion. Weakness. Healing someone requires something from the healer and the person being healed, as far as Aymeric understands, and that something seems to be strength. At least, he feels as though his strength was siphoned away with the aether used to heal his wounds.
If someone wished to harm him, now would be the time to do it, as he faintly recognizes he is in quite the vulnerable position right now. He trusts Phya to do her work and to do it well, and while he would feel something of apprehension because of his vulnerable state, he is just too tired to do it.
His eyes slit open and search for hers, trying to lock onto them and convey without words that he's putting all of his trust in her. Some ancient echo from the past tells him she's never steered him wrong before, so why should he stop trusting her now? ]
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Not that she desires praise or to even be shown off to the public. Far from it. She simply wishes to live quietly with him--as quiet as one can with the Lord Commander of the Temple Knights. No doubt her sister will still wish to travel and continue to look for her long lost friend. The sights she will see and the travels she will have... they will truly be a thing of wonder. A wonder that her sister will rush back to tell.
Phya has no desire to see the world anymore. She simply wishes for what she has always wanted: a life with her other half. ]
I'm tired. [ Her voice rings of old tones despite her youthful appearance. Blue eyes fall slightly to the wound to make certain the aether flows. ] I don't wish to adventure or to see the world anymore. I simply wish to be here... with you.
As we've tried to so many times before.
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He finds words difficult to form in the moment, but his eyes open just a little wider in response to her own words expressing how she feels and what her wishes are concerning them. His hand relaxes its hold on the blankets and shifts to try and find hers so that he can lightly brush his fingers against the back of her hand. It might seem like a curious action, but it's meant to communicate that he wishes the same. They are both tired, and older, no matter how they might look, and all he wants is to just be with her.
Maybe they don't have lofty dreams anymore, but there's things that he still wishes to do with her now: little things like taking walks, holding each other's hands, talking about anything that comes to mind... It doesn't matter what it is, so long as they are together.
His fingers move, lightly brushing her hand once more. ]
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Much of her ancient soul has truly given up on the concept that life would allow their bond to remain.
He has always been the stronger of the pair of them. One isn't meant to remember things from lives gone past. Yet, somehow, she knows quite a few many things. For some reason, her ancient soul refuses to let go of the memories of lives in which they failed to be together. The feeling of losing him again bubbles to mind, but Phya pushes it to the side for now. Healing him is what matters the most at the moment.
She gently moves her fingers along the wounds to continue guiding his aether. The worst of the damage has been lightly linked, making it so his natural healing can properly heal. Rest and food will be what he needs next. Thus, her hand lifts and gently brushes along his. ]
I will reexamine after you rest... but it should be able to heal properly on its own now.
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She keeps guiding his aether along, but he already feels stronger than before, so he tries to shift on the bed, attempting at least some sort of movement. She may not allow him to sit up, but he wants to move, to position himself into something as close to sitting as possible.
After a moment, he finds his voice again, because there are words that he wishes to say. ]
Then- allow me to forestall rest for a moment longer. [ His voice does not sound as strong as he would like, but it will have to do for now. ] I imagine you have had enough of silence, and- [ He hesitates briefly, wondering if he should say this next part. But he sees no reason to withhold it. ] I have missed the sound of your voice. It still is your voice, even now.
[ He shifts again, trying to push himself up just a little by leaning on one elbow, but he knows that moving too much will cause him to tire too soon... sooner than he wishes, so he pauses there. ]
I have always liked the sound of your voice.
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The moment he attempts to sit, the hand at his side moves to his chest and lightly presses. The intention behind the motion is clear: lay down. Should he wish to lay on his back and speak until he sleeps? She will oblige. However, he is far from the condition to sit.
It is still YOUR voice, even now.
Phya's ears lift slightly. Her hands tremble. Her ancient soul seems to cry out inside at the recognition. Intuition tells her that he realizes more than when they met in her previous life. He has somehow come into more of an understanding of their ancient relationship. Perhaps it was time or the fact they had parted ways.
A blush forms on her cheeks before she shyly looks down. Her tail sways ever so slightly. ]
What... what would you like to discuss, Ser?
[ She can't even think his name. Not until given permission. She must earn that right back. ]
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She will not allow him to sit, and while he wishes to protest, with a reluctant sigh, he lowers himself back down until he's resting against the bed once more.
Still, he does not look away from her, even as she blushes and looks down. ]
First... [ He manages a half smile for her benefit, to illustrate that he is amused rather than put out. He hopes she recognizes this as saying she never lost the right to address him by his name. ] My name is Aymeric, not Ser.
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Her hand gently lifts from his chest, almost as if shying away from touching him out of turn. Out of place.
Then, it lowers into her lap. It begins to twist with her other hand. A nervous tick in any life. ]
I know your name. [ Her gaze quickly moves to his to show she saw his smile. ] That hardly means I've earned the permission back to say it... let alone think it. Not after leaving you here.
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