[ An apologetic expression settles on her face. She knows he wishes to be moving and doing all that he may normally do. Yet, he is still healing, and those things will simply make it more difficult to heal. He has never been one to wish being out of commission in any of his lives.
Her hand gently lifts from his chest, almost as if shying away from touching him out of turn. Out of place.
Then, it lowers into her lap. It begins to twist with her other hand. A nervous tick in any life. ]
I know your name. [ Her gaze quickly moves to his to show she saw his smile. ] That hardly means I've earned the permission back to say it... let alone think it. Not after leaving you here.
[ He is supposed to be a capable leader, directing soldiers when they are needed, and of late, he has all but failed at his duties. In a way, he feels as though he ought to be considered disgraced, his reputation in shambles. Perhaps it is. Perhaps when and if he is able to return to his post, he will only be turned away. If that is the case, then surely Phya will not wish to remain with him, a disgraced man.
Such thoughts nearly cause him to recoil, already feeling the shame of the imagined scenario, but he manages to force himself to refrain. He does not wish her to think he is recoiling from her, after all. ]
On the contrary, you never lost the right to say it. It has always been yours and it has never been revoked. The circumstances of your leaving were not of your own making, after all. I do not begrudge you for them.
[ Instead, he despises himself for failing to see them circumvented. ]
[ Phya meets his gaze once more. The expression is clear as day on her face. The feeling of disgrace. The feeling that she had done opposite of what she should do. She is meant to heal him and yet she hurt him. He may insist another is at the cause of her death and that may be true. Yet, she knows the damage it has done to his mind and his heart. Years worth of pain and suffering she should have been there to heal if not prevent.
She raises her hand to reach out to him but stops short once more. Phya's gaze falls. ]
... Ser Aymeric. [ She says it gently. Almost hesitantly. As if saying the words loud enough may shatter what she sees around her to reveal it all to be merely a dream. ] Aymeric.
[ Her beloved, her protector, her knight. Not that she believes to have the right to call him hers any longer.
Ice blue eyes remain on the bed with the space between them. He would have her name now. Formalities and pleasantries. She would rather he see her as she was before. Stronger, more powerful. More broken than resigned. Broken has the implications of being able to be fixed. ]
My name from before. My real one. [ A gentle nod. ] You coul keep referring to me by that name.
[ His eyes and gaze lack their customary sharpness, having been dulled by his injury and years of being alone, and yet when he looks at Phya, there is nothing in them but love. Of course he still loves her. Nothing in their star or beyond the star would make him stop loving her.
It may take time for him to heal from the years of their separation, but he imagines she needs to heal as well. Perhaps now they can begin to heal together. ]
It feels good and right to hear you say that again. [ That is rather understating matters, but Aymeric is simply relieved that she is here with him at all. ]
If that is the name you wish to use, then of course, I will use it. [ He has not forgotten her name; how could he, after all? He thought that perhaps she wished to use another name now that she has been born as someone else: another form, but the same soul. ]
Lantaa. [ His tone of voice deepens as he says her name, and the look in his eyes grows even more intense than before. ]
[ A part of her even wishes that he would refer to her by her ancient name. However, she feels as if that knowledge has been lost to time. Or, rather, that time has made it so very much that she is not that person any longer. In her mind? She is far from the woman he fell in love with all those lives ago.
Perhaps he should not call her by her ancient name.
A smile tugs at her lips with his approval of her using his name. Not doubt it sounds different with her new voice.he approves of the sound and calling. That is what truly matters to her.
Then, he says her previous name.
Her eyes snap up. Hear pounds. Ears stand on end. How she wishes she were still "Lantaa." A stronger woman. Broken, but not resigned. Someone who was not cursed with illness despite being a healer. Someone who could walk with her head held high and confident in her abilities. Learn from the stars...
Perhaps by being called the name again she can pretend to be her former life. A life she should have had with him.
She slides from the bed in order to sit beside it. Then, she rests her head next to his arm. A hand rests raises to lay across his own. Her larger tail sways. ]
[ Truthfully, he would call her by whatever name she gave him, as long as it meant having her still with him. There is a part of him that expects she will take her leave as soon as he is able to stand and walk on his own. She has no obligation to stay, and he is not about to force her to if she wishes to leave.
It makes him smile in return to see the smile tugging at her lips; and then he sees the way her eyes and ears both seem to snap to attention, and his eyes meet hers immediately. As far as he is concerned, she is Lantaa, and Phya, and her ancient self, and he loves each one of them as parts of what makes her who she is.
She may be different now, but he can still see her as the woman he fell in love with and continues to love even now. That is one thing that he does not see changing.
His eyes follow her as she slides from the bed, moving to sit beside it, and he smiles once more when she rests her head next to his arm. He would move to place his hand on top of her head, but moving would also mean disturbing her, and so he decides against it. ]
Then I shall have to do it more, won't I? [ The smile he gives her is his widest one yet, and it is filled with all the love that he can manage to summon. ]
[ She would much rather lay beside him. However, he needs the space for his wounds to heal in her mind. Curling around her could simply aggravate it all more. That is the last thing she wishes to have happen. He needs to heal properly.
Her fingers gently brush along the back of his hand. The touch is light enough that she could pull away in a moments notice if it was undesirable. ]
I-if you would chose to do so... and if you would truly wish for me to stay once your wounds are healed.
[ In Aymeric's mind, any discomfort or aggravation would be worth it to have her close to him once more. He would not push her away if she moved to lie beside him. A part of him wants to reach for her, to take her by the hand or arm and invite her to lie down with him.
Still, he smiles when she touches the back of his hand with her fingers lightly brushing against it. He has missed being touched, and specifically, being touched by her. ]
Why would I not? Who else would I rather have nearby but you? As long as you wish to remain, I am happy you are here.
Perhaps you may not be so elated to be with me the more you know of me in this life.
[ Weak. Unable to have the feats she surely once had. Small. Broken on the inside--deep to her soul.
How can he look at her and not see how she is not the same woman he had fallen in love with those many lives ago. At least, she feels as if she is someone entirely different. Someone who had been determined and headstrong, yet now is afraid the very soul she tied herself to may throw her to the street and from his life seemingly eternal. ]
However, for now, you need to rest. Once you awaken again I will tend to the bandages and reassess the wound. I will feed you and... we can go from there.
Why would I not be? I- [ He pauses to give himself a moment to collect his thoughts and to put his feelings into words. ] I wish to know all about you, everything you wish to share... and perhaps the things you need time before you can share them. One day.
[ He has no intention of pushing her or rushing her into anything. He loves her, and he wishes to stay with her, for as long as she wishes to stay with him. If one day she decides she does not wish that any longer, he has already resolved that he must let her go. He does not want to let her go for any reason, but if it is better for her... wouldn't it be selfish of him to insist? He believes that to be the case.
And perhaps they might find they are similar at heart, more similar than either of them could have guessed. After all, he is hardly whole anymore, not as she once knew him. ]
You should rest too... Lantaa. [ The name still seems to fit her, even though her appearance has changed. Perhaps it is his own memories that insist on matching the name to the individual who has somehow returned to him, even though he had thought such a thing impossible. ] If this bed is unsatisfactory, the staff can prepare one for you.
[ He is certain the rooms are in need of cleaning, but he still retains confidence in what remains of the household staff to prepare a room for her. ]
[ Her eyebrows draw together as her brilliant blue eyes raise to his steel coated ones. Her heart pounds. She loves him so very, very much. The statement feels redundant to make somehow. Obviously she does, as it had been suggested they bind their souls together for every incarnation they might ever have.
Yet, something about this life feels unique. Almost as if he is the closest to the man he once was when she fell in love with him. If only she were close to the woman she surely had been.
A shake of her head. No, she would not wish any other bed. ]
Is it... truly alright I share your bed?
[ Phya could curl into his uninjured side. However, allowing him the bed so he might move is the best idea. ]
[ He can't help but feel some force that's drawing him in, making him feel as though he's being pulled towards her. It's love, or fate, or both, and he has no intention of resisting that pull. He has waited for her, longed to find her again, longed to apologize. And more than that, he's longed to have a life with her again, as they have over the many times they have been reborn in other forms and other lives. ]
Of course it is. I would have it cleaned and the linens changed, of course, but for now-
[ His gaze travels to the covers on the bed. They are at least a little cleaner than the rest of it, but he wonders if she minds that. It would hardly be comfortable. Perhaps he could even move with assistance to another location while the bed linens are replaced. ]
If I asked to have the staff replace the linens, I could move to the couch, at least temporarily. It should not take long.
[ Better than her having to contend with an uncared for bed. ]
It will always be all right for you to share the bed. Our bed.
[ Blue eyes drift to the sheets. The linens can be changed when he bathes, but the wounds need to seal before he can bathe properly. A sponge bath could be in order depending on the state of his wounds once he wakes. Then, in her mind, she can approach the idea of sharing his bed.
"Our bed."
Her hand curls around his immediately. How she has longed to simply be held by him again. So many nights spent dreaming and clinging to her stuffed companion. She had never been able to properly explain it to her sister. How could she? Her twin had the person she cared for with them...until he left to travel.
Phya closes her eyes. ]
Rest first, Aymeric. Then, we will see to the sheets and ... the rest.
[ He moves his hand just enough that he can curl his fingers around hers in return. Even though he feels the need for sleep asserting itself again, he doesn't wish to close his eyes and drift off. What if he awakens only to find her gone? What if this was only a dream? ]
What if you are not here when I awaken again?
[ He knows that if it turns out that she was never here at all, the realization will take his remaining hopes away, and his interest in living as well. ]
I- [ He looks down briefly; this is not something he should place on her, and so he chooses to change the subject. ] Never mind. If you wish, you can make yourself familiar with the rest of the manor. No one will stop you from looking around.
If I am not in the room? Then I am speaking with the staff of the manor. I won't leave unless you dismiss me. [ She pauses. ] I doubt Ser Estinien would allow me to even if I wanted to leave.
[ She does not believe Estinien is outside the door watching guard. However, she is quite convinced the dragoon would find her and return her to the manor to finish healing the Lord Commander at the absolute minimum. She is convinced Estinien had wanted the two to reunite. Even if the motive was selfish to get the Lord Commander back involved in the war. ]
[ Of course he knows that what she says is correct, but he finds that he cannot stop himself from fearing that when he awakes, she will be gone as if she was never there.
Instead of giving voice to his fears, he merely nods. ]
And I will never dismiss you unless you ask me to release you. If you wished to leave, I would have words with Estinien to settle the matter.
You are not forced to be here, nor are you trapped. You may leave at any time.
[ She asks a question in response to his rather scattered words, and he focuses back on her. ]
I wish for you to make yourself comfortable, for as long as you wish to stay, even if that is no more than a few hours more.
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synthneon2024-11-25 02:03 am
no subject
Her hand gently lifts from his chest, almost as if shying away from touching him out of turn. Out of place.
Then, it lowers into her lap. It begins to twist with her other hand. A nervous tick in any life. ]
I know your name. [ Her gaze quickly moves to his to show she saw his smile. ] That hardly means I've earned the permission back to say it... let alone think it. Not after leaving you here.
no subject
Such thoughts nearly cause him to recoil, already feeling the shame of the imagined scenario, but he manages to force himself to refrain. He does not wish her to think he is recoiling from her, after all. ]
On the contrary, you never lost the right to say it. It has always been yours and it has never been revoked. The circumstances of your leaving were not of your own making, after all. I do not begrudge you for them.
[ Instead, he despises himself for failing to see them circumvented. ]
no subject
She raises her hand to reach out to him but stops short once more. Phya's gaze falls. ]
... Ser Aymeric. [ She says it gently. Almost hesitantly. As if saying the words loud enough may shatter what she sees around her to reveal it all to be merely a dream. ] Aymeric.
[ Her beloved, her protector, her knight. Not that she believes to have the right to call him hers any longer.
Ice blue eyes remain on the bed with the space between them. He would have her name now. Formalities and pleasantries. She would rather he see her as she was before. Stronger, more powerful. More broken than resigned. Broken has the implications of being able to be fixed. ]
My name from before. My real one. [ A gentle nod. ] You coul keep referring to me by that name.
no subject
It may take time for him to heal from the years of their separation, but he imagines she needs to heal as well. Perhaps now they can begin to heal together. ]
It feels good and right to hear you say that again. [ That is rather understating matters, but Aymeric is simply relieved that she is here with him at all. ]
If that is the name you wish to use, then of course, I will use it. [ He has not forgotten her name; how could he, after all? He thought that perhaps she wished to use another name now that she has been born as someone else: another form, but the same soul. ]
Lantaa. [ His tone of voice deepens as he says her name, and the look in his eyes grows even more intense than before. ]
no subject
Perhaps he should not call her by her ancient name.
A smile tugs at her lips with his approval of her using his name. Not doubt it sounds different with her new voice.he approves of the sound and calling. That is what truly matters to her.
Then, he says her previous name.
Her eyes snap up. Hear pounds. Ears stand on end. How she wishes she were still "Lantaa." A stronger woman. Broken, but not resigned. Someone who was not cursed with illness despite being a healer. Someone who could walk with her head held high and confident in her abilities. Learn from the stars...
Perhaps by being called the name again she can pretend to be her former life. A life she should have had with him.
She slides from the bed in order to sit beside it. Then, she rests her head next to his arm. A hand rests raises to lay across his own. Her larger tail sways. ]
I missed hearing you call me.
no subject
It makes him smile in return to see the smile tugging at her lips; and then he sees the way her eyes and ears both seem to snap to attention, and his eyes meet hers immediately. As far as he is concerned, she is Lantaa, and Phya, and her ancient self, and he loves each one of them as parts of what makes her who she is.
She may be different now, but he can still see her as the woman he fell in love with and continues to love even now. That is one thing that he does not see changing.
His eyes follow her as she slides from the bed, moving to sit beside it, and he smiles once more when she rests her head next to his arm. He would move to place his hand on top of her head, but moving would also mean disturbing her, and so he decides against it. ]
Then I shall have to do it more, won't I? [ The smile he gives her is his widest one yet, and it is filled with all the love that he can manage to summon. ]
no subject
Her fingers gently brush along the back of his hand. The touch is light enough that she could pull away in a moments notice if it was undesirable. ]
I-if you would chose to do so... and if you would truly wish for me to stay once your wounds are healed.
no subject
Still, he smiles when she touches the back of his hand with her fingers lightly brushing against it. He has missed being touched, and specifically, being touched by her. ]
Why would I not? Who else would I rather have nearby but you? As long as you wish to remain, I am happy you are here.
no subject
[ Weak. Unable to have the feats she surely once had. Small. Broken on the inside--deep to her soul.
How can he look at her and not see how she is not the same woman he had fallen in love with those many lives ago. At least, she feels as if she is someone entirely different. Someone who had been determined and headstrong, yet now is afraid the very soul she tied herself to may throw her to the street and from his life seemingly eternal. ]
However, for now, you need to rest. Once you awaken again I will tend to the bandages and reassess the wound. I will feed you and... we can go from there.
no subject
[ He has no intention of pushing her or rushing her into anything. He loves her, and he wishes to stay with her, for as long as she wishes to stay with him. If one day she decides she does not wish that any longer, he has already resolved that he must let her go. He does not want to let her go for any reason, but if it is better for her... wouldn't it be selfish of him to insist? He believes that to be the case.
And perhaps they might find they are similar at heart, more similar than either of them could have guessed. After all, he is hardly whole anymore, not as she once knew him. ]
You should rest too... Lantaa. [ The name still seems to fit her, even though her appearance has changed. Perhaps it is his own memories that insist on matching the name to the individual who has somehow returned to him, even though he had thought such a thing impossible. ] If this bed is unsatisfactory, the staff can prepare one for you.
[ He is certain the rooms are in need of cleaning, but he still retains confidence in what remains of the household staff to prepare a room for her. ]
no subject
Yet, something about this life feels unique. Almost as if he is the closest to the man he once was when she fell in love with him. If only she were close to the woman she surely had been.
A shake of her head. No, she would not wish any other bed. ]
Is it... truly alright I share your bed?
[ Phya could curl into his uninjured side. However, allowing him the bed so he might move is the best idea. ]
no subject
Of course it is. I would have it cleaned and the linens changed, of course, but for now-
[ His gaze travels to the covers on the bed. They are at least a little cleaner than the rest of it, but he wonders if she minds that. It would hardly be comfortable. Perhaps he could even move with assistance to another location while the bed linens are replaced. ]
If I asked to have the staff replace the linens, I could move to the couch, at least temporarily. It should not take long.
[ Better than her having to contend with an uncared for bed. ]
It will always be all right for you to share the bed. Our bed.
no subject
"Our bed."
Her hand curls around his immediately. How she has longed to simply be held by him again. So many nights spent dreaming and clinging to her stuffed companion. She had never been able to properly explain it to her sister. How could she? Her twin had the person she cared for with them...until he left to travel.
Phya closes her eyes. ]
Rest first, Aymeric. Then, we will see to the sheets and ... the rest.
no subject
What if you are not here when I awaken again?
[ He knows that if it turns out that she was never here at all, the realization will take his remaining hopes away, and his interest in living as well. ]
I- [ He looks down briefly; this is not something he should place on her, and so he chooses to change the subject. ] Never mind. If you wish, you can make yourself familiar with the rest of the manor. No one will stop you from looking around.
no subject
[ She does not believe Estinien is outside the door watching guard. However, she is quite convinced the dragoon would find her and return her to the manor to finish healing the Lord Commander at the absolute minimum. She is convinced Estinien had wanted the two to reunite. Even if the motive was selfish to get the Lord Commander back involved in the war. ]
What would you wish me to do?
no subject
Instead of giving voice to his fears, he merely nods. ]
And I will never dismiss you unless you ask me to release you. If you wished to leave, I would have words with Estinien to settle the matter.
You are not forced to be here, nor are you trapped. You may leave at any time.
[ She asks a question in response to his rather scattered words, and he focuses back on her. ]
I wish for you to make yourself comfortable, for as long as you wish to stay, even if that is no more than a few hours more.
no subject