oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞

[outlierdirector]

OCEANVIEW :: INTO THE DARK

i must guide my love through the night

Follow the deer to follow the owl
I'm fighting to save my love somehow
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this place inside my mind CODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[outlierdirector]

[ His face presses into her and a sob breaks out from her. Her shoulders shake and her face hides in the crook of his neck. A weight feels as if it's rolled off her. She's waited years for this moment.

They've done this before. This scene ...this moment. It played out different. Are they repeating themselves? How is that even possible? Can AWEs even do that?

He apologizes and another sob breaks out from her.

She wants to tell him everything that happened. What's hone on with her. What has happened.

All she can do is cling to him, lean against him, and try not to cry. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ They have done this before, maybe more than once. Alan can't remember how many times they've done it, if it was once, twice, or a hundred. It doesn't matter to him; all that matters is holding Jesse and reassuring her that he's here and home and as far as he's concerned, not going anywhere.

If something tries to pull them apart, he'll fight back as hard as he can. She waited for him just like she said she would, and so the least he can do is fight tooth and nail to stay with her, if it comes to that.

For now, though, he simply holds her with one arm while he moves his other hand to her hair to stroke it in hopes of comforting her as best as he can. If she cries, he doesn't mind; he'll hold onto her for as long as she wants him to. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She shouldn't be crying. Now, she's the Director. She's in control. It doesn't matter that she's waited thirteen years for this moment. It doesn't matter she's dreamed and then hated dreams about this moment. She's waited, and dreamed, then hated waking up to find that it's a dream. ]

It's been thirteen years.

[ He obviously knows that by now. Yet, here she is. Saying it. Maybe it'll make the impact she's hoping it will. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

I know, and I'm sorry. Sorry that you've had to wait, especially for an asshole like me.

[ He wants to kiss her, then kiss her again, to show her that this is real, that all the waiting has been (hopefully) worth it. Part of him worries that maybe she'll say it hasn't been worth it, that she resents him for everything he's put her through. She would be well within her rights to hate him. ]

I'll make it up to you, I promise. No more waiting.

[ I don't know how I'll do it, but I'll make sure she doesn't have to wait for me again. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse raises her eyes to him, then her head. The tear streaks are obvious on her face. She hates being vulnerable. He knows this. Yet, here Alan Wake is, making show thing she'd never show anyone. She was stunned in silence once he had left her in the Well-Lit Room. The tears came later when she realized he wasn't coming back the next day.

Or the next day.

Or the day after that.

She cried when she found she had been left behind on the park bench in Arizona. After promising her she could go with him. That he wouldn't leave her behind again.

Then, the Oldest House years later. Finally, she had reconnected to him. He led her down a merry chase through the Investigations Sector--to Hartman. She put their past with him down. Freed him from the Dark Presence, if there was anything left of him after that. Then, she stood there in the room made up to look like the Cauldron Lake Lodge. She looked around, feeling the Darkness withdraw. With it went the communication on the Hotline. Alan slipped away from her once again in a building she controlled. Left her behind.

Again.

She screamed in frustration. Things were launched across the room. It was a miracle she managed to avoid hitting Steve with the outburst she had. She fell down to her knees. Punched the cement ground. Bruised her hand eventually. Then, she cried. The nineteen year old girl he had met finally broke through and cried. Reuniting with Dylan hadn't been the way she hoped. Then, she lost Alan. Again.

Would kissing really help heal all of that? Would telling him about any of it help at all? ]

Make it up to me. Really? How?

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan hates that he's put her in this position. He hates the knowledge that all he's done is cause her trouble and upset and disappointment... the list of everything he's done could fill several books.

He doesn't have to know exactly how Jesse reacted when she found out that she was alone and he was gone. He can see how it affected her just by looking at her. The fact that there's tear streaks on her face only points to how upset she is. How upset she was, back then. Back then, now... she's still upset. Maybe she never stopped being upset. And it's all his fault.

His hands curl into fists as his anger at himself rises. It's not just anger, it's a form of hate directed at himself. But is it really all his fault? The story forced him to do things, didn't it? Or is that only a cop-out? ]

Well, you're probably angry, right? I would be if I were you. I know- I know it can't have been easy for you, and I wish that it had been different. [ What he remembers of it, anyway. Some of the memories are cloudy, but he remembers enough to know that he sent her messages to lead her to a certain point. To lead her to Hartman. He had a purpose for that, even if all it was was a desperate fool's hope.

She did it; she followed his call, and Hartman was dealt with, but at the end of it all, they were still separated. Maybe they were always going to be separated; maybe it was foolish to hope that the connection would linger and he could still somehow reach out to her. ]

You kind of look like you could hit me right now. You can, if you want. Yell, throw a punch, scream... I'll let you do whatever you want, because- Well, you should be able to do what you want.

[ And I took that from her, didn't I?

And suddenly, Alan feels a sweeping sense of shame wash over him that forces his gaze away from her. ]