oceanview (different path) || ❝ lost in mist for days and days, now you see the sunny seas. ❞

[outlierdirector]

OCEANVIEW :: INTO THE DARK

i must guide my love through the night

Follow the deer to follow the owl
I'm fighting to save my love somehow
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this place inside my mind CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan hates that he's put her in this position. He hates the knowledge that all he's done is cause her trouble and upset and disappointment... the list of everything he's done could fill several books.

He doesn't have to know exactly how Jesse reacted when she found out that she was alone and he was gone. He can see how it affected her just by looking at her. The fact that there's tear streaks on her face only points to how upset she is. How upset she was, back then. Back then, now... she's still upset. Maybe she never stopped being upset. And it's all his fault.

His hands curl into fists as his anger at himself rises. It's not just anger, it's a form of hate directed at himself. But is it really all his fault? The story forced him to do things, didn't it? Or is that only a cop-out? ]

Well, you're probably angry, right? I would be if I were you. I know- I know it can't have been easy for you, and I wish that it had been different. [ What he remembers of it, anyway. Some of the memories are cloudy, but he remembers enough to know that he sent her messages to lead her to a certain point. To lead her to Hartman. He had a purpose for that, even if all it was was a desperate fool's hope.

She did it; she followed his call, and Hartman was dealt with, but at the end of it all, they were still separated. Maybe they were always going to be separated; maybe it was foolish to hope that the connection would linger and he could still somehow reach out to her. ]

You kind of look like you could hit me right now. You can, if you want. Yell, throw a punch, scream... I'll let you do whatever you want, because- Well, you should be able to do what you want.

[ And I took that from her, didn't I?

And suddenly, Alan feels a sweeping sense of shame wash over him that forces his gaze away from her. ]