dead of night || ❝ i see what’s coming, it’s coming into light. ❞

[outlierdirector]

DEAD OF NIGHT

Carve the secrets from your bruised still heart.

Shape my story, tear every page apart
Inside this room, you left your mark
I burn away the shadows, I strike a spark CODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[outlierdirector]

[ A small sigh escapes her. She shakes her head. ] It's not like that. You were trapped in the confines of the story as much as the rest of us. You could only do what you could. If I accepted my role sooner, instead of trying to change it, maybe it wouldn't have lasted so long. [ Jesse pauses and glances down once more. ] Angry wasn't what I was over what happened in the end.

[ « I don't want to say what it was. It'll upset him more. I don't like naming it either. It's the same feeling when I was forced to leave him in the Writer's Room. He's home now. I just want to focus on that. » ]

Let's just focus on the fact you're out of the Dark Place now. Home. Okay? [ Her tone implies the word "please", even if she never says it. ] It's in the past now. We have other things to worry about.

[ A tilt of her head as she thinks. Obviously, they'll be sharing a space together. She can't imagine why they wouldn't. He'll need another task though. Something his skills as a writer can be put to use to some degree. ]

Well, Arish has been doubling up on security and documenting the people we've met in the Fog. It's not the same as writing, but, would you be interested in documenting interviews with people? Just to get to know them. So we know who is who.

[ They have to make the time for each other--that's how Jesse has felt it needs to be. "Return" never allowed for much of it if they were to properly progress it to the end. The Fog would rather see them in trail after trail after trail with nothing but survival. That's not how Jesse is going to let it work. If this Entity has brought the Oldest House here? Then, it can deal with the consequence of the Director calling the shots.

Her heart almost flutters as he raises along her fingers. God, she's missed him so much. Not necessarily being intimate, but the fact it's with him. A pleased sigh breathes against his mouth once the kiss truly deepens. They can go all the way or not. That part doesn't matter. Being with him as just the two of them matters.

She follows the tug at her waistline, pressing against him to agree with his request. Hands leave his waistline for the moment to trail at his arms. A visible shiver takes her with his fingers at her collarbone. It's always been a sensitive spot, regardless if he kisses or just touches it.

His name slips out against his mouth in a breathless motion. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He hears what she's saying and he wants to believe it; he wants to tell her that he believes it, but the words won't come. Am I losing the words again? Will I just keep on losing the words? I don't want to lose them anymore.

His thoughts are spiraling as the cycle of guilt continues but it's the last thing that Jesse says that brings him up short.

Angry wasn't what I was over what happened in the end. ]

So it's worse than being angry. [ His tone is flatter now, but not the same kind of flatness he uses when the Dark Presence is pulling at him. Nothing is pulling at him but his own guilt that he can't seem to shake off. ] Why does it seem like all I do is... is hurt you?

[ It seems like that because it's true, isn't it? Even though she didn't name the feelings she had, Alan can guess at what they must have been: loss and sadness, most likely, but probably a feeling of letting him down. Well, in his mind, she never let him down. All he's done is let her down, and that's something he'll have to wrestle with for a long time. ]

Home. Yeah. [ All I wanted was to come home. Maybe it'll start to feel real soon. ] Okay. [ He knows what that tone she's using means, that he's only causing her upset by being upset himself. ] Sorry, I'll- I'll be more focused. [ I'll try, anyway.

He listens to her brief explanation of what Arish has been doing, and he finds himself nodding in agreement. ]

Yeah, I can do that. I'm interested. [ Just that admission on its own feels monumental in a way, because he can't remember the last time that he was interested in anything... well, actually, that's not true. He's always been interested in spending time with Jesse. But this feels like a step in the right direction towards finding something like normalcy again. Those intimate moments with Jesse were special, and something he'll never get tired of. They're a normal part of life and living, but something like interviewing the people who turn up here is the closest thing to holding down a job that Alan's done in a very long time.

It probably only makes sense to him, but it feels significant somehow. ]

Do you think he'd mind if I started working on that? He seems easygoing enough, but I don't want to step on anyone's toes.

[ As for going all the way, he'd do it in a second. It's never been difficult for him to lose himself in moments of intimacy with Jesse. Maybe it's too easy for him, but it just feels natural. Right. He tugs at her waist again, as if teasing the possibility of removing her clothes. But what if someone walks in? What if someone needs Jesse for one task or another? How do these trials work anyway?

The possibility of being interrupted is just as much present as ever, so Alan finds himself caught between letting go of his inhibitions and being more controlled. He smiles when he feels her breathlessly say his name against his mouth, and then he briefly pauses his kiss so that he can press his lips to her collarbone, knowing she finds the spot sensitive but pleasant to have touched. One kiss turns into another, followed by several more light kisses trailing down her collarbone, before he presses a deeper one to her mouth once again. ]

[outlierdirector]

No. [ She's quick to interject after his statement. Maybe being heartbroken is worse than the anger. That doesn't mean she's going to let his guilt spiral out of control. Had Alice tried this with him? ] Alan. Stop. It wasn't you who said anything or told me anything. Okay? You weren't the one that did it.

[ Jesse knows it's vague. She doesn't want him upset at Alice or his memory of their life together. Things were contentious enough between them. The last thing he needs to be is angry at his deceased wife. He's a widower

Then, a shake of her head. ] Arish wouldn't mind the help. He respects people's talent and the work they put in. It's not about the titles or the merit. Just, show him you want to help and you'll put the same effort in that he and the others do. That'll win him over.

Unless being in awe of the famous Alan Wake already did that. [ She offers him a playful smile. Fame is something he abhores. Hopefully he just sees she is trying. ] Do you have any questions on all... this? The Oldest House, the Buearu, trails or the Fog?

[ Answering questions seems to be quickly fading as that familiar hunger and pull start to surface. Her hips roll with his tug, signifying she would be more than alright with it. Actions help her more than words. Maybe it's what he needs to help him realize he isn't in the Dark Place now.

She hums in a pleased way at his kisses. It is one of her more sensitive places, and one he seems to always enjoy kissing. The beard against her skin makes her gasp and another pleased sound comes forward. It only turns into a moan once he kisses her again.

A hand slides back to his waistline. Fingers travel once more before coming to a stop at the front. They make quick work of the button and zipper. Then, her hands slides down and over him once. If only to test if he likes the touch over him at all. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He hears her words and understands them, but even though he's out and the Dark Place doesn't have a hold on him anymore, he still has to wrestle with those voices that tell him he treated her badly. He was unfair to her. He took advantage of her, relying on her when it was convenient, and when he realized he couldn't stay with her, he just left her behind.

No, that's- That's not what I did!

Alan isn't angry with Alice anymore, and the memory of the time they had together hasn't been marred by this, despite the best efforts of the Dark Presence. It's not really happening, because the Dark Presence is gone, but Alan still hears an echo in his mind. Is it his own insecurities and guilt talking? Probably. He wants to cover his ears and desperately try to block it out. But how do you block out something that's in your own mind?

Alice and Jesse are the victims here: your victims. You used both of them, and badly. She might say otherwise, but you know the truth-

Alan shakes his head suddenly, willing the voice in his head to shut the hell up. There might be a grain of truth in what his own mind is beating him over the head with, but that's why he's so desperate to fix what he broke... to fix who he broke. And yes, he knows without Jesse saying it that he caused her heartbreak. ]

You and I both know that's not true. [ He really does want to put this behind them, to not have to think about it anymore, or feel guilty about it. But he's not in that place yet, and unfortunately, it could take him months or years to really move past it. ] I've done so much. Too much, depending on who you ask. It could take a lifetime to make up for it. I'm going to make up for it, starting right now.

[ He manages a smile somehow, and a look of resolve takes hold. ] Then that's what I'll do. I'll have a talk with Arish, and set something up. I'll work hard and do what I can to be useful. [ His smile widens a fraction, recognizing the attempt at humor that she's made. Fame makes him recoil, but he can see the effort she's making to try and smooth things over for everyone involved.

I guess that's why she's the Director. She's good at what she does.

He has some questions still, and maybe he should ask them, but he's decided his questions aren't important. What is important is making up for lost time. Well, sort of, because there's no getting back what they lost in the loops. But they can make new memories and new moments together, whether they go all the way in this moment or not.

And he's slowly beginning to realize that the feeling of freedom and being free is gradually settling in. He can be himself, and he doesn't have to worry about losing more of himself or loops or the Dark Presence or any of the terrible things that came with the Dark Place anymore.

I'm really free. Well, free of that. But we'll be free of this place too, I'm sure of it.

He's not really thinking about how to please himself; no, all he's thinking about is how to make Jesse feel good, whether with his kisses or touches or words, if she needs to hear them. But for now, he just continues kissing deeper, more passionate kisses to her collarbone, her mouth, down her neck... wherever he can reach.

He doesn't stop until he feels her working at loosening the button and zipper and sliding her hand over him. His reaction is instant, as it is whenever she touches him anywhere. His shoulders drop as that feeling of melting beneath her hands surfaces, while his back simultaneously arches with pleasure.

A gasp escapes from him uncontrolled and unhindered, and somehow he manages to say: ]

And I thought you weren't good at people.

[ This is a different kind of "being good", but Alan knows he loves it just as he loves her. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ A gentle look of worry takes her face. She can tell he's struggling with some sort of inner demon she can't help with. Some battles Alan has to win on his own. She can support and help, but she can't slay demons inside his head. She doesn't have a bullet made of light. Although, something tells her this demon has nothing to do with the Dark Place. It's a struggle that's simply Alan Wake's that plagues him now and again.

She shakes her head. ] You didn't tell me how "Return" was supposed to go. What you needed to do for it. How I couldn't... that message didn't come from you at any point in time. I--I knew what I did and felt it eveb before the last loop started. It wasn't you leaving for the Dark Place that did it.

[ « It was just the confirmation. Though, hed probably say thats the proof it was his fault. »

Her eyes light up at the sight of his determination. Something uniquely Alan. One of the little things that makes her love him so much. ] You always work hard, Alan. That's never something I'd need to worry about. I'm sure Arish is going to love working with you. And, no, not just because you're involved with his boss.

[ She's good at empathizing, despite not knowing how to navigate people very well. She can understand paranormal items and how those events change people and support them. Be the example of how you can manage to still be human and find a place in the world when everything else feels opposite. That makes her good at Director. Almost made for the role.

Just as she's the perfect receiver.

His words can certainly set him off. He knows the right combo of words to get any emotional response from her. Negative or positive. All he would need to do is say her name in a certain way, throw in a few other words, then she melts and is at his whims. He already comes close with the kisses to her collarbone, neck, and mouth when he returns to it.

Jesse only blinks once in mild surprise at his reaction before she gives a confident smirk. Her fingers curl slightly as she moves up and down to give a gentle sense of pressure along him. Alan may want to focus on her, but, Jesse has decided that he needs to feel good before her. He needs to feel things here he couldn't in the Dark Place. Just to really enforce the idea he is home. ]

I'm not. [ Her tone then turns slightly smug as she leans in close to him. Her lips press against his ear. Her hand doesn't stop. ] I'm just good at you.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Too late, he catches sight of that look on Jesse's face, and he realizes he's slipping. These demons are characterized by guilt and blame and a keen awareness of so much of everything that happened being his fault. He'd go as far as to say that it's all his fault, but he knows that Jesse would shut that down in an instant. But didn't all of this start because he decided he had to save his wife? Because he decided he could save her? It doesn't matter that he saved her in the end. Or did he, since she ended up still tormented by the Darkness too?

If he thinks too long about that, he'll start to slip more, and he can't do that right now. ]

But why didn't it come from me? Did I know and forget, or did I never know at all? [ His hand twitches like he wants to reach up and grab onto his hair in frustration. ]

Couldn't I have saved both of us a lot of grief if I'd just figured things out?

[ Alan has to resist the urge to lapse into a moment of brooding over the situations that he caused, either directly or indirectly. There's more important things to do right now. ]

Well, I hope that he does. A lot of people don't. Or they didn't, back then. Can't imagine why. [ He shakes his head and rolls his eyes at himself. A team player, Alan isn't.

He's still unsure how well he'll be able to integrate into things around here, if he does at all. But at least he has Jesse on his side. He hopes to keep it that way, that he doesn't one day drive her off for one reason or another.

But if her actions and her touches right now are any indication, she doesn't seem interested in leaving. That slight sense of pressure elicits a moan from him, and he's too lost in the pleasure of this feeling to be even a little embarrassed about it. The moan is followed by a low gasp, and his eyes lock back onto hers when he registers that slight smug tone in her voice. He sounds breathless, but he manages to say: ]

You're- you're very good. At everything. [ And saying she's good is understating things by quite a bit. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse sees no point in blame or continually raking over the past in the way Alan's mind does. If it wasn't Alan, it would have been another artist. The Dark Presence hunts for artists to set it free. Anyone could have ended up like Alan--and the public lack the knowledge how to encounter and deal with paranatural forces. While he may not have picked the right options, and it caused damage in their reality? He is willing to take up responsibility and learned from those mistakes.

That's enough for her.

It's more than what Trench did for her brother.

Her gaze drifts to the side with a frown on her face. ] It wasn't the ending we wanted. Right? How could that answer come from you when it was exactly opposite of what we wanted? It had to come from someone else... and one of us had to be willing to step aside and let it play out.

[ Then, her eyes drop entirely to the floor. Water shines in the corner of them. It's clear that she was the one who stepped aside. The one who stopped fighting. Alan had to finish the story. He had to get to the end with Saga to change the ending. She was stopping him from doing it by trying to change it for what they wanted. Even if she didn't mean to be the one to stop him from completing his journey. She was hurting him more than helping him.

Alice wasn't wrong in anything she said. Realizing she was hindering Alan more than helping had hurt. Seeing that she was the one holding everything back despite trying to propel it forward.

She closes her eyes. ]

It worked. Saga helped free you from Scratch. Not that it was she said exactly, but, that was the result. She and Casey back. Now you're home. So, one of us had to let go. [ Jesse tilts her head to compose herself, even as her red locks tumble over her shoulder. ] But, it's over. No point in going over it again.

[ « Even if it hurts still. » ]

Arish will use it to brag to Langston. He oversees the Altered Items we have here in the Oldest House. [ She looks back up at him with a forced smirk. ] Langston was a big fan of Alex Casey--the character, not Agent Casey. I remember he was pretty ticked the Hiss Invasion happened opening night of The Sudden Stop.

[ « Oh, yeah. Langston is going to be jealous that Arish gets to work with the famous Alan Wake. »

She holds his gaze as his eyes lock on hers. Her hand comes to a stop at the waistband of his underwear. Her gaze narrows slightly in a playful manner. Should she keep going? Should she stop? She could slide her hand between the fabric and his skin and be more direct and bring him to an end. What does he want her to do? ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ That knowledge isn't lost on Alan. The Dark Presence focused on him because he was a convenient target, but it could target anyone, any artist. What if this happens again? What if another artist strays into the path of the darkness? Who's going to stop it then? Can Jesse and the Bureau stop the Dark Presence forever, or will it continue to be a threat, spinning its webs and drawing unsuspecting people in like a spider?

It seems as though Alan can't help but worry about his role in things and what might happen in the future. Maybe if it came to it, he'd use what he can do to try and push back. No one else needs to be dragged in by the Dark Presence. At least that's one thing he can be determined about. ]

No, it wasn't, but- it wasn't... It was my fault too. My fault I didn't figure it out. [ Because he knows she's taking the blame for it, at least inwardly. She wasn't ever supposed to shoulder that blame. The blame should fall on him for not being smarter. Cleverer. ] It shouldn't have fallen to you to fix it. I should have fixed it without dragging you in. Without hurting you.

[ He reaches for her to brush his fingers against her cheek. ] You'd be right to never forgive me for that. [ He pauses for a moment and then he adds: ] It's over, but that doesn't mean it's all forgotten about.

[ He knows he hasn't forgotten about it, and to him, it appears as though she hasn't forgotten about it either. But they do need to put it behind them and move on from here and figure out how to navigate things together going forward. ]

Honestly, I don't understand that. I get that people are fans, that they like the movies. But- [ He looks confused for a moment. ] Shouldn't they like the people who made them? The people who act in them?

The world moved on while I was- while I was away, and that's fine. That's how it's supposed to be.

[ Simply put, he doesn't really think he's "the famous Alan Wake" anymore. His return will probably get people buzzing, and then the buzz will fade and something else will take its place.

But that's perfectly fine with Alan. All he wants is to just live with Jesse on their terms and however they decide. When her hand stops at the waistband, his eyebrows lift in a questioning expression. She could keep going, or she could stop. Either way, he'd pull him in for more kisses. But he's already aroused, and he knows it wouldn't take too much more from her to see him fall over the edge to climax and then relaxing again.

He slides his hand down from where his fingers brushed her cheek to ghost along her chest and the tops of her breasts as if to ask without words if she wants to be brought to the edge as well. Maybe it's not the answer she wants, but he figures this should be good for both of them.

Eventually, they'll have to end this tryst, or they'll be forced to do so by a trial or something else. And, of course, he imagines Jesse will have to leave to carry out her actual responsibilities at some point. Until then, Alan's just going to keep going. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ The Buearu hasn't found how to stop the Dark Presence from entering their world period. Maybe it will calm down now that Alan is free from the Dark Place. Yet, even then, another artist could just easily be drawn there and it happen again. Wasn't that what had happened to Thomas Zane as well? It's a cycle that repeats itself--loops even. Just like the Dark Place itself.

Alan is their best chance at learning and understanding the Dark Place. ]

That's what I do as the Director. I fix things. I stop them. It's how I lead my Bureau. No one else could put a stop to it in that way. It had to be me. [ She knows it. That's why Alice reached out to her. Alan was too lost to stop it. He had something else that was his role in it all. Hers--and Polaris'--was to be the guiding star. They just got too close to one another.

« Or, maybe, we had to go through it all so he could trust me. Otherwise he may not have let us guide him like we did. »

She leans her cheek into his hand but doesn't say more on it. ]

I think it's both. They like the people who brought the broody detective to life. But, it'd only work because of the author behind the man. Or, I guess, the author behind the character that was based on a man? Unknowingly, though.

It's moved on in some ways. Not a lot in others.

[ Jesse watches him intently for an unspoken answer. Alan seems really only decisive and forward when there's a goal in mind. None of this has a goal. It's just them, being themselves, which means any of it can go either way. Both would be fine with whatever way it went as long as they're there together.

Her gaze almost seems to laser focus on him the moment his fingers trail down. Neck, exposed collar bone, and over the top of her breasts. She inhales sharply as her body immediately reacts to his touch. The hips against his other hand rock slightly. Her breasts react to him as well. Yes, she wants his touch, but she wants him to feel good as well.

He's been the one trapped in a nightmare dimension. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Maybe the thought hasn't occurred to Alan yet, but maybe if he worked with the Bureau in whatever capacity they let him, he can use what he knows and has gone through to finally stop the Dark Presence for good. Maybe it's a fool's hope and it'll never happen, but he hates the idea of anyone having to go through what he has. So, whenever that time comes, everything Alan knows might as well be laid out for the Bureau to use however they can. ]

Do you fix things that other people broke? [ He remembers her saying that there was a lot to do in the wake of the previous Directors, so he figures her answer is "yes", but all he can see and all he can think of is the damage he's caused. It should be his responsibility to fix. But she's right in saying that he wasn't in a position to fix it. Still, it doesn't sit right with him that she had to shoulder what should have been his responsibility. ]

I'm sorry, Jesse. Sorry that you had to take it on. I'm sorry that I didn't do more. Losing myself in the loops and spirals wasn't fixing it.

[ I don't know if I believe her when she says it's her fault that it went on as long as it did. Deep down, I don't think I do. I dragged it out, believing I was making progress. I wasn't, was I?

But if he could hear her thoughts, he'd agree with her, as far as him learning to trust her is concerned.

He's still not entirely sure what to think about the turns his books have taken, but maybe he doesn't need to have an opinion about them. He wrote them, people liked them, and they were liked enough to be adapted into movies. Maybe that's all the thinking he needs to do about that subject.

He just wants to touch her, for mostly selfish reasons. He was alone for so long with no one else around, and while the idea of large crowds is something he's not fully certain of, he missed her. He missed being with her, talking to her, touching her... He continues his touches even as her hips rock slightly, an action that further lights up his senses and his desire for her.

She definitely doesn't have to work hard to make him feel good. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Hopefully, a time soon. Their current delimma overshadows the Oldest House. Literally. There are places where the Entity seems to peek in, or places where otherworldly spider limbs pierce through. It's taken time and work just to reclaim what they have -- in between doing the Trails the Entity seems to enjoy oh so much. It's part of everything she has to explain to him. There's so much of what's going on that he needs to know, and all she can focus on is the fact he's in the same room as her again. Not drowned out, not confused, not halfway possessed by another alien Entity or doppleganger.

He's awake and there with her.

That fact alone overrides anything else in her mind. Even if a part of her still argues that the Buearu and the threat has to come first. She's the Director. She needs to be there leading her team and the survivors they've found.

« That's how Northmoor and Trench failed in the end. It became about power or the Buearu consuming their lives. I can't let that happen to me. There has to be something of me that doesn't belong to the Bureau or the Board. Dylan and Alan. They can be tied to the weird world we live in... to YOU... but I can't always be the Director to them. Otherwise, what's going to be left of Jesse Faden? » ]

Yeah. It seems like it. [ Jesse shrugs slightly. ] I was part of the mess Darling and Trench made with Ordinary. It only made sense I cleaned it up. The rest... well, I guess they're just inherited problems. The old Bureau didn't really solve problems.

[ « But they did like finding new dimensions and new sciences. Just, not always dealing with the consequences after them. » ]

We can talk about it later. [ As, honestly, this isn't how she wants to spend their reunion. They can talk about their mess once he's settled in and informed of the current mess. ] It's... not really what I want to talk about right now.

[ Not that she's doing much talking.

His hand travels down further and she shivers in excitement. Her eyes are laser focused on his, hoping her reactions can communicate where words always fail her. A certain thrill runs through her whenever he allows that confidence to come out and move around her. The same thrill that causes the pleased sound to leave her as he travels down and between her legs. It should be obvious then that seeing his arousal was doing the same to her. She just hid it.

Jesse rocks against his hand, positioning herself so he can move easily over her. She leans forward, pressing her clothes chest against his. Breathing deepens and her eyes darken. She missed him just as much--in all aspects of their convoluted relationship. Shifting her hips again she angles herself entirely against his hand and gasps at the feel of his fingers.

God, she missed him.

Her hips move just as his did. Her eyes flutter shut as the motion and feeling starts to take over. This is one thing she doesn't mind losing control over, because she trusts Alan. The loop of "Return" that became reality may not have had them in it like this, but her body hasn't forgotten the feel of his. One hand reaches for his free one and guides it up her side and to her breast, giving him permission to touch her elsewhere if he wants. She continues to rock against his hand and small gasps manage to escape.

Until her hips move a certain way. A powerful shock goes through her and she moans gently. The kind she does when she is close to letting him take control. She feels almost embarrassed deep down, as usually it takes longer for her to reach this point. She breathes his name against his neck and moans again. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ If that time does in fact come soon, Alan knows without question that he wants to help. He wants to lend whatever knowledge he has that might be useful to the Bureau to them. To Jesse. It does give something to hold onto, something to focus on along with the longing to just be home with Jesse for good. Having goals gives Alan focus and determination, and given his uncertainty about writing again, it helps.

She says yes just like he thought he would, but somehow, it doesn't really do much to lessen the guilt he feels. ]

So... So by that logic, I should clean up this mess because I'm the one who made it. I don't want to be like the old Bureau who doesn't solve problems, especially problems that I created. Problems I'm responsible for making.

[ He's just stating what he believes to be true. She might present arguments to the contrary, but a lot of the responsibility for it all does rest on his shoulders. But in all honesty, he doesn't want to talk about this anymore either.

It's something that should be put in the past now that it's over so that they can both move on.

And moving on together is what Alan wants most. He knows that she responds to him touching her anywhere that he can reach, but he wants to find that one place that makes her respond the most. The obvious place is her breasts, and she guides his hand to rest against hers. He cups it in his hand and gives a light stroke followed by an equally light squeeze. He's certain it's a sensitive area, and the last thing he wants is to cause her discomfort. She doesn't seem to be anything but enjoying the feel of his touch, but he has to be sure.

But there's no mistaking the way she gasps and moans for anything but sheer pleasure, and Alan takes that as the encouragement he needs. She breathes his name against him, which only confirms it further. ]

Jesse, I love you. [ His tone is something she's thought of as unique to him, and it's the tone he uses just for her, when he has something specific he wants to express. She's heard variations of it before, in moments when he was desperate and trying to hold on, and in moments when it seemed like he was losing his grip. But now, in this moment, there's just love and a need to state that love out loud, to drive away any doubts that might somehow be lingering. ]

[outlierdirector]

Alan, you weren't able to. None of us knew how the Dark Place affected our reality. Okay? Besides, the Buearu had our fingers in it as well. I had to go and investigate what was going on with our satellite site. Not every single aspect of what happened was your fault. [ Most of it, maybe. She still can't entirely blame him when "Return" only happened because the Dark Place broke him and Scratch took over him to write a story. ] But, I'll still take your help with anything related to it all. Whatever you can remember.

[ They need a lot of documentation to really understand the Dark Presence. There's no one better than someone who was trapped there. Part of it feels like exploitation to a degree. It's why she wants to take it slow and allow him to adjust before dragging him back into the nightmares he faced for thirteen years. Alan, though, seems to have other ideas.

Together seems to be apart of those ideas too.

He certainly knows some of her sensitive places. Her collarbone is one of them, but he could also just say anything the right way and it would wind her up. He would insist that he isn't a master wordsmith. She'd disagree because he seems to find the words and the combinations to get reactions from her everytime. His touches only add to it. The way his hands moves at her chest and between her legs make her back arc and she's torn between leaning further into his touch or back onto the desk.

Jesse, I love you.

A shaking exhale leaves her. That emotional cord is struck. She leans entirely into his hands and presses her forehead to his shoulder. Gentle kisses are placed to his neck. She can't very well answer him with her own words like this, but he probably knows that. Her breathing becomes erratic and she raises her hand. It slides back down between the clothing, and over him. She does her best to move at the same time his hands do, but she finds it hard when everything in her wants to just let go and have him do what he wants. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

But- [ Alan knows his expressions gives it away that he's finding it difficult to really believe and accept her words as fact and truth. He can't stop his mind from chastising him with reprimands.

"If only you'd been more on top of things and more perceptive, maybe you would have known how to deal with the issue."

"If you'd just been stronger, it wouldn't have been so easy for Scratch to overpower you and write Return."

"Alan, it's your fault that things got so bad."

Those reprimands linger in his mind even as he pulls himself out of his thoughts and focuses back on Jesse. ]

It'll always feel like everything was my fault. I'll always feel like if I'd been better or stronger or more capable, I could have done more. I would have still needed your help, but maybe I could have gotten farther. And that's why I know I have to make myself useful to you and the Bureau, even if- even if it's hard and uncomfortable and...

[ Unknowingly, Alan's thoughts are echoing Jesse's, in part. He doesn't want to have to relive the nightmares again, but he'll face them if it helps her and the Bureau end the threat for good. It's the least he can do after all the damage he's caused.

It seems that he has a lot to make up for, to take action to help fix what he's done. Being intimate like this with Jesse falls in that category, but it's not only to help fix what he broke. It's because he's missed her and he wants to be with her in ways he wasn't able to be before. Nothing's holding him back now, and he doesn't intend to be held back again.

He just wants to please her, to bring her to a place of pleasure, and doing so makes him feel pleasure too, so he just continues touching her wherever his hands can reach, watching to see how she reacts. Her back arches and he rocks his hips against hers even as he hears that shaky exhale and feels her press her forehead to his shoulder. The trailing kisses on his neck send shivers up his spine, and he gives another squeeze, a little more involuntarily this time but no less lovingly. He rocks against her again, applying just a fraction more pressure and speed this time, because it seems that his passions have full control now, having taken the proverbial reins, and he just wants to thrill both of them, losing themselves in the moment. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ A small smile touches her face at his protest. It's not hard to tell when Alan's imagination is running away with things. He is his own worst enemy, and no amount of magical endings to a story would solve that. She doubts hell ever be fully free of his own doubts and shades, just like Ordinary will always haunt her in some ways. Some things are too much of a shadow to shrug off and pretend isn't there.

« But that doesn't mean we let those things control us. We face them as many times as needed head on and overcoem them. » ]

That's why you learn from it and don't repeat it. Make better next time. [ Her head tilts slightly, causing her red hair to fall over her shoulder. The light from the back "window" catches it to almost make it glow. ] We're human, Alan. Even with our weird powers.

[ Still, it's a conversion for later.

He rocks against her and whatever lingering focus was on the Bureau, the Trails, the Entity? It doesn't matter. Being with him again matters.

They weren't able to be together in the final loop around--the final version of "Return." Not in the way either of them wanted. Maybe Alan has fleeting memories of those times they were together, but Jesse remembers a few as if they did really happen. Injured in a motel room. Trying to be close as possible in the Sherrif's Office. A handful of other instances--something in the Motel. Her body remembers more than anything it seems.

And the part of her that is so deeply tied to Polaris.

The Champion of Light is in the Fog. They can amplify each other again. Maybe turn the tide.

Oh, she's certainly thrilled.

Her hands leave him once more to tend to her shirt. The buttons on the formal shirt each come undone and she pulls it off as quickly as possible, while still trying to move her hips against his hand. Next, she slides her pants and underwear down, despite the sound of protest that leaves at having to break contact with his hand.

She kicks the shoes and pants off to the side, leaning backwards slightly on the desk. One hand steadies herself as the other reaches up and tugs on the waist band of his underwear. It doesn't matter if her bra is still on or if his shirt is still hanging off his frame. That gravitational pull demands to be satisfied in that moment... and she has missed how he makes her feel. How no matter how passionate or in the moment they get? She can still feel how much he loves her and how that drives his actions to please them both.

Jesse even misses the words he says to bring her to the edge. ]

Alan...

[crazyisinevitable]

[ If Alan could remove the things that haunt them both by sheer force of will, he'd already have done it. Jesse deserves to be free of the guilt and the bad memories, while still carrying with her the lessons she learned from those things. She deserves to have her brother back, and her parents too, but one of those things seems more attainable than the other. Of course Alan believes wholeheartedly that Dylan will one day wake up. Jesse will have her brother back. He's confident in it.

He's less confident in his own issues and whether or not they'll ever fully be rseolved. Like Jesse, he doubts that that'll ever happen. Even if the Dark Presence hadn't turned his mind into its personal playground, the foundation for all his doubts and insecurities had been laid long ago. And he knows full well that he's not as in control of himself as Jesse is. Maybe if he'd been more like her and maintained better control of his thoughts and impulses and everything in between, he'd be in a better position to deal with this now. ]

I'm trying to, but I'm a slow learner, if I learn at all. [ It's not knocking himself just because he can. It's the truth, or he believes that it is. ] Human. Yeah. [ They're human with limitations, and it's those limitations that Alan hates. He hates his weaknesses, hates how easy it is for him to be manipulated. Granted, the kind of manipulation perpetuated by the Dark Presence is insidious. Strong. Almost impossible to resist. How many people have fallen prey to it? That doesn't really make him feel better. He's just the latest in a long, long line.

He feels himself starting to become tense, stressed... it's not how he wants to be. He doesn't want to pull himself out of this moment, away from this togetherness with Jesse. He won't let his fears drag him away, not again. It's a fight to push those fears aside, to will the tension to fade.

He forces his attention to focus on Jesse as she systematically begins to undress. Her shirt comes off, as does her pants and underwear. She's as beautiful as ever. Alan believes she'll always be beautiful.

As for what clothes he still has on, his shirt is hanging off his frame, and his pants are unbuttoned and unzipped, of course, because she did that earlier in this encounter. He wants to be less clothed around her, a fact that might be awkward if someone walks in on them, but he doesn't care about that as he removes his shirt and tosses it to the side, not paying attention to where it lands. ]

Jesse. [ He has a request to make of her, and he's certain she'll know what he means. ] Will you follow me? [ She could lead him anywhere, to anything, and he'd follow. He's certain she'd do the same, after everything, and maybe that's the nice thing about their relationship. It's a give-and-take, with both of them leading at times and following at others. Or at least, that's the feeling that Alan has about how to characterize things. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She would argue there would be no reason to be different without those things that haunt them. She's learned that the light and dark are both things someone needs--it's about control. Or, balance, you could call it. Without Ordinary, she'd never have Polaris or be the Director. Maybe she'd still have Dylan, but, their lives would be so different she wouldn't even be the same person. Which would mean she'd never meet her management team, right hand ranger, or Alan. It was worth going through everything in the end... even if only Polaris really knew where they were going.

A small smile is given at his statement. She figures he'll never really agree. It might be fine in the end. They need to disagree and still be their own respective minds. Otherwise it's hardly a partnership or a relationship. She doesn't need someone who says yes to everything.

Her eyes immediately move to watching him toss his shirt off. A flicker of worry crosses her gaze and she focuses in on his stitches. The wound is pretty bad, even with the stitches in place. They probably shouldn't be doing this with his injury, but caution has been thrown to the wind at this rate. Didn't they do something similar with injuries...?

Jesse's attention moves back to him properly when he says her name the way he does. She inhales sharply, feeling everything in her clench. Her hands curl slightly on the desk
A sudden urge to just throw herself at him and let him control everything rises in her. He really could just say her name when she is wound up and she's undo at the seams for him.

She sits back up, legs curling slightly around his. Jesse leans forward to ghost her lips over his, more caring he is still dressed on the bottom than her bra is still on. ]

Yes, [ The answer leaves her in a breath before she can really think on the answer. ] I already followed you into the Dark. [ She figures he means something more metaphoric, but, she wants her point to be known. She'd follow after him no matter what or where as long as she can. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ And he would argue in return that they can carry with them the lessons they've learned, but do they have to be haunted by those things forever? For Alan, it's difficult to imagine himself not being haunted by something, but he wants Jesse to be free of that, if it's what she wants too. But maybe there really is no separating the lessons from the events that led to them. He knows he doesn't have the answer to that, because how could he? He might receive visions of things at times, but that hardly makes him all knowing.

He wants to agree. He wants to be on the same page as her. He'd even say yes to everything she asks or wants because he loves her that much. But at the same time, he knows that's not really how a healthy relationship works, not that he has much experience with a really healthy relationship.

Removing the shirt probably is going against medical advice, as the site of his injury is barely healed, and he's all too aware that he could accidentally tear out the stitches, but he's not thinking about the risks right now, even though his injury protests and hurts more than he'd like to admit.

It doesn't matter to him, in the end. What matters is being with Jesse, being able to touch her, talk to her, and everything in between. There's a part of him that's not entirely sure just what he means by "follow him". There's a million interpretations, a million meanings, but all Alan wants is to just have her there. A thought forms and he pushes it aside just as quickly, because he won't let himself think about the possibility of her leaving this place and him returning to the Dark Place alone. ]

Stay with me, Jesse. [ It's worded as a command, but Alan's tone makes it sound like more of a request, a desperate one. ] Will you stay with me? [ Maybe if she says yes, he can stay with her and follow her out of this place and back to their reality. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Maybe haunted is the wrong word. Remembering the painful things doesn't need to be something that hangs over them. A memory that revists to sting not and again before passing away almost like the waves. Although, analogies of the water or waves is something she'd rather never deal with again after Cauldron Lake. Alan probably even less so.

Her eyes are trained on his injured shoulder once more as he shifts. Worry is clear in that gaze. He just received the wound and had it stitched. If anything, she should be putting a protective bandage over it. Instead, they're all but nude, hearts racing, adrenaline kicking in, and those otherworldly forces that touched them demanding to be sated. Or at least the connection to Polaris seems to be that way. She has no idea how Alan feels on it--if he feels anything at all.

Her weight shifts on the desk. Hips line against his so she can feel him through his clothing. That, however, isn't her focus in that moment. Hands raise from supporting her now that her weight has shifted. They gently rest on either side of his face, making sure his gray eyes are focused on her green ones. His entire focus was most likely already on her, but, she wants to make certain nothing else distracts him. ]

Will you let me stay with you? [ Her tone and gaze are gentle, even if her statement sounds as if it could be a biting accusation. Instead, she sounds enthralled with him and also a hint of worry he'll have made something that pulls them apart. ] You ask, I do it. [ Her lips brush against his. ] Taking care of Hartman. Going to Bright Falls. Finding your room in the the Lake...

[ Jesse let's her fingertips brush down the sides of his jaw. ] Let me stay with you and I will. Both of us will.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ It's not possible to totally remove those difficult memories and hard occasions, but the sentimental side of Alan still wishes to just see Jesse being happy and content without the baggage of the past. But of course, on a more logical level, he knows that those kinds of experiences can serve as reminders of the journey, the steps that were taken to get to this point. Not everyone wants to erase those memories, no matter how difficult they are, especially if they were formative ones. Which it's clear to him that Jesse's past memories are formative for her.

He just regrets that her memories have to include the times he hurt her or left her behind, knowing just how much those experiences affected her. He's not stupid enough to think that he can ever fully erase the hurt he caused.

Maybe removing his shirt and leaving the stitched wound exposed is unwise, but Alan's not thinking about that. He's not thinking about what discomfort he might experience, or the risk he's running about potentially reopening the wound. No, he just wants to be with Jesse, to feel her and touch her and love her as he should have done. Properly. No obstructions. No barriers. Just them.

He feels the way her weight shifts and how her hips line up against his. He feels her pressing herself to him, and a surge of desire wells up inside. But then her hands slide to both sides of his face as if she's making sure he's looking at her. That old feeling of guilt tries to surface then too, and his gaze lowers, but he can't look down with how she's resting her hands on his face.

That feeling of guilt rises more when she asks that question in return. Her tone is gentle, but he knows there's an implication in it, or at least- he feels like there is. How many times has she had to leave him, either because the loops made it that way, or because she was removed unwillingly, leaving him behind?

But maybe now is the right time: maybe now she can stay with him, because even with that guilt, he doesn't want to let her go. ]

I will. I want to. [ His gaze remains lowered, and the tone of his voice still contains notes of guilt, but there's resolve there too. Determination. ] I want you to stay with me. No separations, not anymore. No more leaving you behind. No more loops.

[ Except he's beginning to have a suspicion that in a way, this is another loop, just a different kind. He has yet to have that suspicion confirmed, but he hopes that he's wrong. They've had more than enough of loops. ]

We're going to stay together this time. I'll make sure of it. [ Her fingers brush against his jaw, which might not be what people think of as a particularly sensitive spot, but the sensation sends a shiver up Alan's spine, and for just a second, his eyes slide closed before opening again. ]

I love you. You know that, right?

[ He'd say it to her every day anyway, to further underscore just how much he loves her. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She certainly would be a different person without those experiences and memories. He may not have even turned his head and looked at her if not for the weirdness that surrounds her life. He certainly wouldn't have written about her if she wasn't in the Oldest House. They never would have met if not for Polaris.

He may not be able to erase the hurt, but he can certainly help mend it. Being here with her out of the Dark Place has already started that process. It means he can come home with her.

Her eyes move until they catch his despite how he looks down. No anger resides in her gaze. Maybe some hurt, but more than anything, the expression of vulnerability shines through. Worry he might disappear again, worry he will slip away in his mind again, and also the look of adorement. She loves him, even if her words aren't as good as his to express it.

Her heart pounds at the sound of his resolve. His determination is not only inspiring, but arousing in this state of mind. Her hips press to his again. ]

Okay. [ She nods to his statements. She'll stay with him. Since she will, so will Polaris. Though the alien resonance wouldn't mind anything that empowers her. ] We stay together. Then, we go home.

[ Her forehead presses to his. ] Yeah, I do... and I love you too.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Logically, that may very well be true. They could have passed each other by entirely, never stopping to look for the other, but the romantic side of Alan remains convinced that somehow, they would have found each other. But perhaps at the heart of all of it, what Alan wishes for most is that he could bring Jesse's family back to her. Her parents are gone, but Dylan is still here. He believes that one day, Dylan will wake up.

As for mending the hurt he caused, he is fully committed to seeing it mended. He wants to be someone she can count on, someone reliable who won't break his promises and leave her behind again.

Her eyes catch his and he has to work hard to not avert his gaze from hers. He still has a lot of unaddressed guilt and other feelings relating to how he's treated her. What he's put her through. She might think that he's started the process of mending the hurt he's caused, but as always, he's taking his time reaching that point as well.

But he's confident in one thing: they'll get there together, even if she has to hold his hand along the way. He hopes she's there to hold his hand as they go along this path. ]

I want this more than I've ever wanted anything. I- [ He thinks back to the times he thought he was closer to getting out, to going home. The overlaps made him think he was close. Seeing Parliament Tower was another thing that contributed to that thought. How he ended up in this place nearly had him convinced, except that turned out to be an illusion. If anyone ever says illusions can't hurt a person, Alan would like to have a word with that person. ]

After all... [ He tries to interject humor into his voice to match the smile on his face and in his eyes. ] I've made you wait long enough. No more waiting. No more being alone. Except, you're never really alone, not with Polaris there to guide you.

[ In a way, he's glad that the guiding star is always there. ]

Home... That's a nice sounding word. [ And home is where Jesse is, so it sounds even nicer to Alan's ears. He leans in until his forehead is pressed against hers too. ]

I want to be there with you every day, so I can tell you I love you every day. And every night when you come home.

[outlierdirector]

[ Dyaln is... somewhere. In the Fog. They've secured the Central Executive area, but, his holding cells is empty. All she can hope is that he has regained consciousness and Polaris will lead him back to the Oldest House. She can't do more than that.

And she hates the fact she can't.

Maybe they are the only versions of themselves that have found each other. Maybe all the other versions of Alan Wake--named or not--still have their Alice waiting for them. Not that Jesse is trying to be unique. She just has an idea of how much pain it caused Alan to lose Alice when he wasn't even there to lose her.

« Sometimes I wonder if it would of been better for him to find Alice instead of me. Us. »

Her eyes light up when he makes contact with hers. She still loves him, despite everything. Maybe she shouldn't. These sort of relationships are foreign to her. She doesn't know if it's good or bad to still want to be with him after everything. Her instincts tell her that she should, but, how much of that is because Polaris wants something to amplify herself off of? It's so complicated and a web interwoven between extraterrestrial entities that she doesn't want to think about it. She just wants to be with him. ]

It's different having a person here and having Polaris. [ She glances down then up at at him. ] If I had lost her, Dylan, and you, I'm not sure what I would do.

I already set up the apartment, you know. [ Her forehead presses to his and her heart skips a beat. That desire for him still rings through her. She's trying to control it so Alan can have this moment. ] That way it was ready whenever you visited--or, whenever you came home from the night.

[ Her green eyes drop to his lips again before raising once more. There is a sparkle in them that seems to try and lure him back in. Hips gently press against his, brushing herself along him. It's not quite a spell or web she finds herself caught up in whenever Alan has lowered her walls to this degree. More like a spiral she wants to fall into that's just him. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ Well, that's a thought. Maybe Alan can find Dylan in the Fog. He doesn't know how or where to even start looking, but he wants to bring Jesse's baby brother home. He's been gone long enough. Too long. No one deserves to be lost, and even though he knows Dylan isn't forgotten about, it's time for him to come home.

I have to pull myself together to be there for Jesse, and I have to find Dylan somehow. I'll find him, even if I have to search every corner of this place. And if this entity or whatever the hell it is tries to stop me, I'll- I'll fight. Somehow.

There's a part of Alan that relies on determination like this to keep the guilt and the regret and the way his thoughts tend to spiral away from him under control. It distracts him, gives him something else to focus on. And that's what he needs most.

He still has a myriad of issues hanging over him, nearly all of them unresolved and unaddressed, but he doesn't have time to drown in them anymore. They can't be at the forefront of everything.

He smiles when he sees her eyes light up. He always loves seeing her smile and seeing that light in her green eyes. He loves her fiercely, and he doesn't want to let her go ever again. They're one, they belong together. He knows that without a doubt. ]

I bet it is. I mean, I wouldn't know, but- with Polaris and another person, you get the best of both worlds, right? Or something like that, I don't know. [ He's still smiling, but his smile softens into a warm and loving one. ] You won't lose us. And I want to do everything I can to help Dylan come home. He's going to come home.

[ Alan's smile only widens at Jesse's announcement about the apartment. ] I've made you wait too long, but I'm- well, I'm happy you didn't give up, even though I gave you plenty of reasons to just walk away. [ His eyes fix on her green ones. ] Thank you, Jesse. Thanks for- everything. For waiting, for not giving up, for just being you.

[ She's certainly succeeding at luring him in, and he hopes he's doing the same for her. If it's a spiral that she's falling into, then he wants to fall into it with her, because nothing's going to separate them now. Even if that metaphorical spiral originates from him, he's going down into it alongside her. Always. ]

You brought me home, and now we can finally leave the night behind. Together.

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse can't put her thoughts into the romantic notions that Alan is so inclined to describe it as. She loves him and wants to be with him. She wants someone that understands this world at her side as they navigate it together. Maybe she's just unable to see things in terms of being destined for something. It would mean something else controls a part of her life as opposed to she decides things. One day she might be willing to allow that possibility... but not at the moment. ]

Something like that. [ She feels his smile can be infectious because it makes hers widen. He hardly ever smiles--at least in the time she's known him. ] We'll find Dylan. Somehow. It took me eighteen years last time. Hopefully, it doesn't take as long now.

[ Her gaze softens at his thanks. Something like water threatens to fill her eyes then as well. She's thanked often, of course, but it's something different coming from Alan. Probably because he's hers, and by that extension, she's his. Her forehead presses to his more as she stares intently into his eyes with each passing word.

We can finally leave the night behind. Together.

« He really does know how to use the right words. »

Jesse closes her eyes to hide the tears threatening to gather. He really knows how to change the mood of something around. She presses a gentle kiss to his lips. Anything more heated seems pointless at the moment. ]