oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

[outlierdirector]

a different path,
the same road.

When I thought that I fought this war alone
You were there by my side on the frontline
When I thought that I fought without a cause
You gave me a reason to try CODE BY TESSISAMESS

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[crazyisinevitable]

[ Alan squints for a second as if he's seeing something elusive and strange when he looks at Jesse. He's not sure how to explain it, exactly, but he knows it relates to her friend. He doesn't understand where these ideas, these realizations, are coming from, but he doesn't think it's just the moonshine talking. He's not going loopy from the drinking. In a way, his mind feels clearer than it has in a long time. ]

Well, I'm not dismissing you or ignoring you. I wouldn't. [ He hopes that his tone sounds genuine, because he means what he says. ]

What do you get when you put two handfuls together in the same room? There's a joke in there somewhere, but I can't think of it right now.

[ Ordinarily, Alan would pause, and probably talk himself out of the words that are on the tip of his tongue, but the moonshine loosened him up and lessened his inhibitions, so he just lets the words go. ]

You have me too, you know. And your friend isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I don't know how I know, but I know she'll never leave you on your own for too long.

[ His brow furrows in something like confusion, because even though the words feel right, he doesn't know where they're coming from or why he feels so confident that what he's just said is fact. ]

I think- I think she's been reaching out and I haven't noticed until now. I... God, this is going to sound like such a dumbass thing to say, but it's like I'm seeing and hearing everything so much clearer now. Maybe it's the moonshine, or maybe it's something else, but I feel different.

[outlierdirector]

[ She can feel him looking at her, watching, and a part of her wants to curl up and hide. She doesn't like feeling as if she's being examined. Noticed. Picked out from a crowd. He isn't analyzing or trying to take notes for some mental profile of her. At least, she doesn't think he is.

Her gaze drifts to the side.

« He almost sounds like the other Alan. The one that called us trying to find his Jesse. Not that Alan here is mine... or ours... you know what I mean. Do I really have him? Or, am I just here for role in the story? Some sort of place holder for someone else? » ]

She's subtle. She never directly... tells you. Just, points you in a direction. [ Jesse shifts again, rolling a bit more in on herself. Fingers curl into her arms more. Defensive. Afraid. When people get too close they get scared and run away from her.

« They can't handle the room without the poster. I know the other Alan said it... and he knows... and said I should tell the Alan we know, but... » ]

How do you feel? [ She is hesitant in how she asks. Timid. Things she isn't. ] I don't... [ A pause, ] A rock band from the seventies wrote about you. This story. You and your wife. There's... there's really not a place for me in that. I don't want to break things. Get in between things.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ His mind is clear even with the lingering moonshine still swirling itself around him; he looks at her, and all he's doing is looking. Not examining, not poking in where he isn't wanted, just looking. Observing. Memorizing her features. Her face.

She's beautiful.

The thought comes unasked for, but it's not unwelcome either. ]

Yeah... I noticed that. I mean, I almost missed her trying to reach me. But I can hear her, or feel her, or... I know she's there. She's not just a friend, because she's not like you and me. [ He notes how Jesse still seems to be recoiling, and something in the tone of voice he uses responds to that. It's quieter, a little more gentle, and he can't remember the last time he spoke like that with anyone. ]

She's pointing me in a direction right now.

[ He moves in a little closer, but slowly so he doesn't startle her and cause her to pull away. He'd reach out and touch her hair if he thought she wouldn't recoil further. ]

I feel... Sad, because of Alice. But- I'm... content. More content than I've been in a long time.

[ I feel like this could be a beginning of something. But I can't tell her that. It's too soon. ]

I think there is a place for you in this, and I don't think you're going to break anything.

[outlierdirector]

[ She'd hardly say she's beautiful. Not that she thinks she is ugly or unattractive. Just... plain, ordinary. That's fine by her. The more people who think she blends into the world the better.

Jesse's gaze drops to the floor even as he moves closer. No, Polaris isn't like either of them. She's not human--not bound to the same rules they are. Not that Jesse understands all the details or technicalities. They don't really matter to her.

The quietness in his voice makes her want to draw into him roll over, face him, grab ahold of him and not let go. None of those things truly happen. She remains where she is, presses her lips together further. She's afraid.

« What happens if he leaves? » ]

Where is she guiding you to?

[ She pauses at his words. Inhales quietly, almost silently. ] I'd break any chance at you being with her again.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He can't quite find the words to explain how he feels, but he's seeing her in a certain light that he hadn't noticed before, and now his gaze just seems drawn to her without even really trying.

With his attention on her, of course he notices when her gaze falls, and he halts in his movements closer. He doesn't want to drive her away or come on too suddenly or too strongly, but he wants to be closer to her. Still, he can see that she appears nervous, even afraid, and that is what makes him stop. ]

I think... I think she's- If I tell you this, you're going to think I'm just making it up. I'm just saying it as an excuse to get closer to... It's not an excuse, but I don't know if you'll believe me.

[ Against his earlier resolve, he slides in a little closer. ] Trust me, I broke all chances of that months ago. It couldn't ever be your fault, because the fault lies with me.

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse falls quiet for a moment. Two even. His implication is clear. Immediately, her mind starts throwing up question after question. Why her? Why does Polaris seem so intent on them being... together in any terms? Does her friend get something from it? Does Alan? What does she get from all this?

It can't be as simple as she has someone who understands. Can it?

She feels him shift closer, but doesn't curl up or avoid him further. Jesse closes her eyes. ]

She told me to be in Bright Falls. By a certain time and a certain date. I didn't know why--I just did. I thought maybe it was a way to find my brother. But...

[ « It was Alan, wasn't it? You wanted me to be here for him. In order to stop the story going on. »

She glances over her shoulder at him as if to leave the rest implied. She led me to you.

« Is it... really okay? » ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He can't help but think that maybe this isn't what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want to deal with him, to be drawn into whatever the hell is going on with him and this story. He can't fault her for that. If she took off and ran, shoving the manuscripts at him and telling him he's on his own, he wouldn't blame her in the slightest. ]

Maybe it is to find him; maybe that's why you're here. I mean, I could have gotten it wrong. It wouldn't be the first time I've looked at a situation the wrong way.

[ At least this time, it didn't end with punching a paparazzi in the face. That was deserved, but that's not the point. ]

Is this really okay with you?

[ He can't know he's echoing a version of her thoughts, but now he's wondering if she'd rather just leave and continue her search for her brother and forget she ever met him. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse's gaze falls. Green eyes stare into the floor. Instincts tell her that she isn't here for Dylan or anything to do with finding him. It has everything to do with Alan and this manuscript. ]

No. That's not why she wanted me here.

[ « I'll just have to keep looking. »

She scoots backwards slightly. Not by much, but it is noticeable. Enough where he should notice her movements. Getting close to him while still being cautious. She wants to let him in--but what if he is like the others? ]

It's okay.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He might have been sure of himself and the situation just moments ago, but now he feels his doubt rising, and he can't seem to push it away. ]

Do you want to be here? If you wanted to leave to keep looking for your brother, I get it.

[ He knows he's not good at expressing gratitude, but he knows he has to try. More importantly, he wants to try. ]

Thanks for sticking with me this long. It means a lot, really.

[ And if she does decide to leave, he wants to do this while he still has the chance. They're close enough now that he could slide his arms around her if he wanted to, and, well, he does want to. His arms slide carefully around her and he carefully shifts so he can hold her. His hold isn't enough to restrict her movements, so she could push him away if she wants to, but he just wants to have this moment, if she allows him to. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ She falls quiet for a moment after his questions. She doesn't move once he slides her arm around her. At least, not at first. Her eyes move from the floor to the side and back again. Weighing her options; trying to decide what might be the right move and what isn't the right move. What she wants to do versus what might be safe to do.

« Can he see you? Does he know you're there? Should I... should I really tell him? »

"You could tell him about yourself, about your friend... Maybe let him in and he'll let you in."

She comes to some decision and eyes drift to the side once more.

Jesse moves suddenly. She rolls over, pressing her face into his chest. Resting her cheek there. Hands unfold from around her to grip at the hoodie he wears under the tweed jacket. She hopes this isn't a mistake--that letting him won't make him leave. Somethings will sound like she's repeating herself because of the pieces that she shared once already. ]

There was a dump outside of town that Dylan and I used to play in... with all our friends. None of the parents really cared. We played there almost every day. One day, we found this old slide projector. Except, when you put in the pictures? It didn't just project an image... it was like a doorway. Doors to other places. Each slide had a different place, and our favorite one was an old empty warehouse. We'd play for hours there making it whatever wanted it to be. It--it was better than being at home.

[ Where no one noticed them.

She shifts slightly, rolling more into him. ]

One slide led us to another place with these pillars that looked like fingers. We... that's where we met Polaris. [ Jesse pauses as she feels her friend shift around her. ] My friend. I... I called her that because we were learning about stars in school. She felt like a star that reached out to help us. She said she'd make us special--whatever that meant.

[ Jesse glances up at him quickly to try and gauge his reaction. Polaris, on the other hand, seemingly reaches out to the writer. She brushes along his mind and shimmers around the young woman he's holding on to. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He doesn't move, not wanting to pull away or pull her too close and make her uncomfortable, so he just stays still, watching what he can see of her for changes in expression or anything saying she doesn't like him being this close.

Something seems to be on her mind, and she seems to be having an internal dialogue as her eyes shift one direction and then another. He knows now that it's more than just her having a conversation with herself, but he's still figuring things out and wondering if maybe he should back off. Maybe it's not his place to figure things out. But already, he's begun to notice how she looks when she's having a conversation with her friend; she seems to go into a place he can't follow. Not that he would, as it's not his place.

She seems to be in her own world, and he knows he needs to keep his distance unless invited in. ]

A dump, huh? And all the kids played there. My parents- well, my mom would've hated that, I think. But I guess me and Barry did our own thing anyway as kids, so she probably hated a lot of the stuff we got up to. Honestly, for a kid, finding a doorway to other places sounds like an adventure. It sounds like fun.

[ But he remembers her mentioning bits and pieces about this before, and he remembers that it sounded fun until it wasn't anymore. ]

So that's how you and your friend- how you met Polaris. [ Something in Alan's gaze seems to shift as if he's seeing something echoing around Jesse, but he's still focused on her and her story. ] Well, she's right about one thing. I think you are special. Different, but in a good way. [ He's quick to add: ] Not weird or crazy, but special. Unique.

[ And then he smiles when she glances up at him, because he can feel that brush against his mind, a feeling he's starting to associate with Jesse and Polaris. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse's gaze softens at his smile. It drops then as she turns her head to rest her forehead against his chest. Then, she turns once again so her cheek is against him. She can't hear his heartbeat through the hoodie and whatever shirt he has underneath. Most likely it's a strong one, soothing, which is the exact opposite of her own. She can feel her heart pound as the emotions return with the memories. Emotions she thought she buried and had moved on from.

Is it because she's telling someone who may actually believe her? Or, is it because she cares if he does believe her? ]

If being unique means I keep both of you...

[ « Then, that's okay. » ]

One of our friends, Neil. The bullies at school made him show them the projector. They used a slide that took them to a building made of concrete... that's, that's where the "Not-Mother" was from. Her and her babies, kids, whatever they were. She fed Tom and his gang something. We thought it was like milk. It--it changed them. They were already mean, but, now it was worse. Cruel. Aggressive. Violent.

Our math teacher? Mrs. Chester. She tried to get them to stop and listen. They pushed the piano over on her and broke her legs. Tom--he, he bashed her head in. They killed her, like something out of 'Lord of the Flies.' [ Her hands curl further into Alan's hoodie. Knuckles turn white. ] The cops came and took them all away, and Tom screamed the Not-Mother was going to get them all. They put a curfew on all the kids in Ordinary.

Mom and Dad... they were mad. Pissed. [ Jesse shuts her eyes tightly. ] They argued with Dylan and I. Made us tell them everything that happened at the dump. Not that they really believed us, I think. They never listened. They never bothered to understand anything we were really doing or into. That's why we went to the dump to play. Why bother staying at home when they didn't care if we were there?

[ She wants to curl further into him. Disappear as she's telling him everything. It'd be easier that way. Except she isn't going to just unzip his hoodie and crawl onto him. A part of her wants to; that clingy part that just wants someone to listen, understand, believe, and not think she's crazy. She wants to say it's a small part of her but it's a rather large part of her. All of her. It's just easier to think it's smaller than it is so she can finish the story. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He moves automatically, instinctively, pulling her closer into his arms. This feels right; it feels almost natural, as if they've been doing this their whole lives. Of course, they haven't, but something about holding her feels like it's second nature to him. Maybe he shouldn't feel like this, but it's too late for him to stop. ]

I'd be okay with that.

[ With staying with her. With just being with her. Maybe he's not the best at being with someone, but if they just keep doing things like this, maybe they'll be all right, even with the insane story unfolding around them.

But then Alan's expression turns serious again as Jesse continues unfolding her tale. ]

What the hell? Kids did all this? Because of some weird alien thing? Obviously I believe you, but whoa. And they murdered your teacher. I-

[ He pauses for a second to try and wrap his mind around all this, because it's a lot to take in and process. His hold on her tightens just by a fraction when he feels her hands curling more into the fabric of his hoodie. It boggles the mind how she came out of all that as well as she did. He's not a psych doctor, so he can't really profile someone like that, not that he'd want to, but he thinks he can see some of the marks its left on her.

The uncertainty, the hesitation, how she pulls herself out of situations... It's probably because of her past. It makes him just want to hold her more and be supportive, as best as he can. ]

I'm sorry all that happened, Jesse. I'm sorry no one got it, not even your parents. If anyone should have believed you, it's them. [ Not that Alan can say much about good parents, but even if Jesse's and Dylan's parents had a hard time swallowing everything, they still needed to support their kids. ]

So... So they made you tell them everything. What happened next?

[outlierdirector]

[ She leans into his hold. It won't protect her from her past, or keep her from seeing the horrible things that she has seen. If it helps keeps the nightmares away? That will be enough. Having someone listen--even if he doesn't fully believe it--is more than enough. She wants someone to believe her, but it must be too much to ask for if none have so far. So, she'll take Alan at least listening and humoring her for now. Holding her. Treating her like she's a normal person when she knows she is far, far from ordinary.

Did she come out of Ordinary as someone put together and capable of handling the world? Or, has she just become skilled at seeming like she's a normal person? She's damaged. Very damaged. Her ability to trust others, to believe them, is almost non-existent. The belief that something is always out to get her--some government agency--is always at the back of her mind. Being able to simply live like a normal person doesn't exist. Alan may see a young woman who is put together and handling everything around her. She's just put the walls up so no one can see the girl from Ordinary inside who is lonely and desperate to find something and someone to believe her--to believe in. ]

We woke up the next morning and they were gone. Every single adult in Ordinary just... gone. W-we got as many kids as we could together to figure out where Tom and the others hid the slide projector. We managed to get in, take it back, and... we ran with it. We couldn't figure out how to turn it off. Dylan fell. I helped him, but Tom, his gang, and the Not-Mother were all on our heels. They almost got us.

[ Jesse's gaze flicks to the side even if her face is hidden in his hoodie. Her fingers have curled to the point she almost tugs on the fabric. ]

I... I turned the slide to the one we met Polaris in. I asked her to help us. I didn't know what else to do, who else to go to for help. She told us what to do to turn it off. W-when we did? They disappeared. Tom. His gang. The Not-Mother... Neil. Our parents never came back. The other adults didn't. It was just... us left over.

[ Jesse feels her legs curl upwards. God, she wishes this was the end, but it's not. Now that she's started telling the story it's almost like she can't stop. The words keep flowing from her. ]

A few days later the government came. They said they were there to help, and wanted to know what happened. Dylan and I told them. We took them to the slide projector and explained everything. They were the adults, they were supposed to help. Instead--they took the projector. They grabbed Dylan and me. I--I got away. Dylan didn't. They took him away...

[ « I ran. I left him there. It's my fault. »

Alan knows the next part. She's told him before, but again, the words keep coming. The words become less and less emotional. Droned, repeated, things she's repeating from being told. As if they had told her it and she would of believed through repetition. ]

They lied. They said it was an industrial accident. They covered it up. No counselor or shrink believed me when I told them what happened. Schools, foster families, they made me talk to people who were supposed to help. People who were supposed to understand and believe me. Just like Hartman. None of them did. I made it up because I couldn't handle the fact everyone died in an accident. Polaris wasn't real. She was my imaginary friend.

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He's not sure how much he's really helping, but her reactions tell him that she at least finds his hold comforting, even if it can't do much to shield her from the nightmares in her past and the nightmares she's still presently dealing with. At the very least, she doesn't have to face the nightmares alone. Maybe that's reassuring enough.

And damaged or not, Alan finds that he doesn't care. Well, he cares about her. He cares about being with her and finding ways to help, even though it seems that he hasn't done much of anything that counts as "help". Whatever baggage she brings with her, he's already figuring out that he wants to help carry it if she lets him. He certainly has his own baggage too. ]

Gone. Where did they go? I mean, it doesn't matter, but- [ Frown lines form on his forehead as he mulls this over. Are they trapped somewhere? Trapped in wherever the Not-Mother came from? He's not used to thinking about things like this, but he wonders if there's a way to get them back. If Jesse even wants them back. It's not up to him to guess about how she feels, so he doesn't say anything. ]

All the adults in a town, gone just like that. That's- Wow. [ It's crazy. Insane. What's powerful enough to just take people away just like that?

He falls silent again as Jesse's explanation continues. Her story just seems to get worse with each word. Well, not worse, but difficult to swallow. Difficult to accept. He believes it, that's a given. It's just hard for him to wrap his mind around a whole crowd of people vanishing and never coming back. And Jesse and her brother were just kids.

But then it gets worse from there. His lip curls with mild annoyance at the mention of the government. It sounds to him like they did more than just come to help. Meddling. Interfering. Kidnapping, in the case of her brother. Alan feels his frame tense as he continues to listen. ]

They're assholes. Worse than assholes. And that's not just because I don't like shrinks, although that's part of it. Coverups are shit, and people who try to cover things up are just full of shit. [ He shakes his head. Maybe he shouldn't be talking like that, but sometimes he just can't hold things back. ]

Why the hell would you make something like that up? I know you didn't make it up. What you saw actually happened, and Polaris is real.

[ Alan's hold on her tightens slightly as his temper rises and his fingers curl against her. This kind of thing really pisses him off, but more than that, it pisses him off knowing that Jesse had no one in her corner to back her up. ]

[outlierdirector]

[ A shake of her head. Jesse doesn't know where the adults went. Maybe to where the Not-Mother was from. It would make the most sense. Not that she stopped to try and find answers or look for them in the slide that led to the "Temple." She ran with Dylan. There was no time to do anything else.

She blinks once at his outburst. It's not unwelcome, just unexpected. Somehow, though, his words cause her to relax more into his arms. She feels safe. Not because he echoes what she feels, but he didn't turn away at all. He didn't say she was crazy. That she needs to get help and become normal again.

Her hands manage to unbundle from his hoodie. They then slide around him, a little difficult given he's on his side with her, and wrap around him. Hands find their way underneath his jacket to rest against his back, feeling the fabric of the hoodie there. Her eyes close for a moment.

What was it the Alan on the phone had said? That they'd come to see each other as home? ]

It's just me and Polaris now. [ Her tone is soft as she speaks into his chest. ] No more foster homes. No more school. I graduated and... went wherever she told me to go. She said to come here before a certain time and I did.

[ « Now he's here. With us. » ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ We're too clothed for this. I mean, I know all we're doing is lying here, but- I want... No, I can't tell her that right now. I could, but it's not the right time.

But even with his thoughts telling him no, Alan wants to pull off his hoodie and remove some of her layers too. He wouldn't go too far, but he feels a sudden interest in there being less clothing between them. But since that also seems like the wrong thing to do right now, he settles for moving his hand to rest on her forearm. ]

Okay. So what can I do to help both of you? I don't know why, but I know I need to do something.

[ It feels awkward to him because he's uncertain about himself and how he should react, but he reaches out to touch her hair as she speaks into his chest. Maybe all he needs to do is try to be comforting. He's not the greatest at it, but sometimes instinct is all he needs when it comes to being with another person like this. ]

Does me being here help? Does staying here with you help? I know it probably doesn't mean much, and no one can replace your family, but you shouldn't be alone.

[outlierdirector]

[ Jesse has already had the same thoughts. She simply hasn't acted on them because she's afraid he'd dislike the idea. They've yet to really... figure out what they are. Interested? That seems obvious. Something more? She doesn't want to presume anything. Two messed up people dealing with something insane and that shouldn't exist? Yeah. Still, even that feels lacking in description.

She glances to the side. Her hands slide down his back. They come to a stop at the edge of his hoodie. Fingers brush along the hem, gently moving along the t-shirt underneath. Just a question--trying the waters. That pull inside her wants to be closer and somehow being closer means stronger. ]

This. [ Jesse pauses, knowing it's not very definitive or helpful. ] Listening... believing. That's fine. It's more...

[ « It's more than anyone else has done for me. » ]

I don't think Polaris brought me here to help find Dylan. It was because of the story. [ Her forehead presses into him further. ] She--there's something about the thing you keep calling the Dark Presence. She doesn't like it. Something about "It can't come in."

[crazyisinevitable]

[ He wants to bridge the gap between them, a gap that seems to be simultaneously shrinking and yet staying the same somehow. It seems like they're trying to get closer but hesitating about it at the same time. Alan wants to stop hesitating, to stop pulling himself back out of moving forward because of doubts. But the doubts don't want to let go just yet.

He stills when he feels her hands sliding down his back; it feels nice somehow, and normal, and like something he's been missing without really knowing it. He can't remember the last time he shared a close moment like this with Alice, but he knows it's been a long time. He doesn't expect anything from Jesse, and he wouldn't demand anything either, but intimacy between him and Alice ended a long time ago.

When her fingers brush against the hem and then move along the t-shirt that he's wearing, he shivers involuntarily out of pleasure and he reaches out to brush his fingers against the side of her neck and down to her collarbone. ]

Then I'll keep doing it. [ I don't want this to stop, either. ] "It can't come in"? Into what? Between the two of you?

[outlierdirector]

[ Her hands still at his shiver. That's good, isn't it? She raises her eyes once more to his, despite their redness, to gage how he feels. She blinks at the feeling of his fingers down her neck and to her collarbone. A sharp bolt moves up her spine. A feeling she's never really hard before. One that's similar to how she felt when they were kissing. Or course she's kissed before, but it's never been like how it is with Alan. ]

N-no. I think she means here. Our world. It wants to come into our world somehow. [ She leans into his touch. ] I don't understand exactly what she means though. It's--it's like the poster on the wall won't come off all the way no matter how hard I try.

[ She tentatively moves her hands along the hem of his shirt again. Fingers quickly touch at his skin, but pull back away just as fast. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

[ It feels good to him. This feels good to him. When so many things around them don't feel good or even look anything close to good... knowing there's still something like this that can happen in the middle of... whatever the hell this is, it means something to Alan. It's something he doesn't want to forget. ]

I guess that makes sense. I mean, I don't really understand a lot about all this yet, but this kind of thing doesn't belong in our world, does it? It can't get into our world.

[ He's not really sure how he knows that, or why he has a sinking feeling of dread when he thinks about whatever this force is getting into their world. Maybe it's just because it feels evil and dark, and there's already too much of that around them. Not that Alan's spent a lot of time thinking about good versus evil, but it's just the way the world seems to be. There's good people and bad people and apparently good otherworldly forces and bad ones.

And even though Alan's had his moments of being bad, he doesn't want some evil dark force sneaking in. Or breaking in, rather.

His eyes widen slightly in response to her fingers touching his skin, but just as quickly as she touched him, she pulls back. ]

You didn't have to stop, unless- unless you wanted to.

[outlierdirector]

No... I don't think it does. If it did, wouldn't it have been here already? All she'll tell me is it's something bad. Something hostile. Not like her.

[ His next comments cause her to pause. Eyes widen by a fraction. The look that crosses her eyes seems to be something like embarrassment, or along the lines of being shy. She's never done something like this. Well, she's kissed and touched. It doesn't feel the same to when Alan kissed her or touched her.

« It... it almost feels like trust when he kissed me. Not just him trusting me, but I trust him too. I know that's weird. But... »

She gently moves her fingers under his shirt again and brushes along his skin. A certain thrills rushes up her spine when she does. Not along the lines of doing something against the rules or testing boundaries. It's more like the rush has the emotions connected to it of finally. Which also hardly makes sense to her as they've only known each other a handful of days. Nothing about it makes logical sense.

« Is... it supposed to make sense? Or, is it just something I'll never understand? »

She hopes not. She wants to know why it feels this way around Alan Wake. Why it feels like gravity itself pulls her to him with an actual force. Why she's drawn to him other than the fact he's very good looking. It doesn't feel like the story. The force comes from inside her and swells until it demands to be dealt with.

She hopes he isn't acting and reacting this way because of the moonshine. It should be more like when they first held hands and kissed...

Her head tilts back slightly while her eyes drift down to his lips again. The thought echoes in her mind again that there are too many layers keeping them apart. How close do they need to be? How many layers gone? No real answer comes to her mind other than the drive to just have them be removed. Hands move to brisk along the edge of his shirt and hoodie--asking if they should move down this path. If that is really what he wants or if it's because of the moonshine. ]

Alan... [ She trails off from asking the questions out loud. ]

[crazyisinevitable]

Yeah, you're right. Then we have to keep it out somehow; I mean, I can't keep it out, unless... That's a crazy thought, isn't it?

[ He's trying to write his escape, but maybe he can write in something to keep the darkness from entering. Maybe he can do something that works with Polaris's abilities. Or maybe he can't do anything at all. It's something he's never even considered before now.

He watches her reactions, noting how her eyes widen and a look that he interprets as shyness crosses her face. He doesn't want to push her if she isn't ready or wanting his advances, but he wants to let her in and be let in, but only when she's ready.

She reaches under his shirt and fingers brush against his skin again and he doesn't attempt to stop another pleased shiver in response to her touches against the sensitive area. It leaves him wanting more, and his back arches and he instinctively presses himself closer to her as if searching for more.

His own emotions are in overdrive and he feels a longing to just touch her and be touched. Her fingers ghosting against him are almost causing his head to swim, and part of him wonders why. When was the last time he and Alice were intimate like this? Maybe it's been longer than he thought. Maybe Jesse's awakening desires and feelings that have been dormant for a long time.

He reaches for her and his hand comes to a rest against the side of her hip, and his own hips shift to press against hers. The moonshine is making his head spin, but the actions are his own. He wants this. He wants to feel her.

Her hands brisk against his clothes, the layers that he wears, and he knows what she's asking. She says his name, trailing off at the end of it, and that just spurs him to do what they both seem to want. He reaches for the edge of her shirt near her shoulder, fingers lightly tugging on the red flannel as if testing whether or not she'll let him slide it off her. ]

[outlierdirector]

What thought? [ Eyes narrow slightly as if trying to discern what he means. ] What are you thinking of doing?

[ « Whatever it is? We can't let him do it on his own. »

Polaris might be able to help with something that could bring this story to an end. Maybe help save his wife. Or, maybe, they're just here to help keep the darkness out? Jesse can't really tell. Polaris won't say either way. The whole situation makes her feel... directionless. Not in control. Boxed into a role she doesn't quite understand.

Jesse watches him closely. Why does she feel so hesitant? That pull is inside her wanting to be closer and be more than just an... assistant, or whatever role she is supposed to be. Still, something inside her holds back. Fear? Uncertainty? Has she forgotten how to trust someone? Or... is it because she's unsure if this pull to him is from her or something else?

They've known each other a handful of days. Somehow it feels like so much longer. The events that led him to her door, out into the woods, the coal Mine, the clinic, and now to the farm. They should be strangers at worst. Allies at best. Yet, she feels this need to kiss him, touch him, let him touch her and make her feel... accepted? Wanted? Cared about? Why Alan Wake of all people? He's a famous writer with martial problems. It couldn't be only because he's wrapped up in forces that come from other worlds--can it? Or is that a small fraction of it?

"You can be important if there's the right connection. And maybe I'm wrong, but I think you two have that connection."

Jesse glances to the side. Could that really be it? They're connected through some sort of thread or event or something she can't understand? Why can't she understand it?

"Maybe let him in and he'll let you in."

« Is--is that it? I don't know how to let him in? Anyone in? I'm... I'm afraid that if I let them in they'll... »

They'll disappear or be taken away like Ordinary.

"Somehow, I just know... he'll choose you. You and him- you'll see each other as home. You won't want to let go of each other."

She looks back at him, eyes meeting his the moment his hand rests on her hip. The timid look is in her gaze, but something else as well. A question she can't truly put into words to voice outloud. Though, he is a writer. Maybe he can read her and know what she is saying without the words leaving her. Not like a mind reader... just someone who can understand her without the words.

Her body shivers at the contact of their hips. She inhales sharply, feeling that same wave fill inside her when they kissed at the coal Mine. It only continues to build as his hands move over her clothes to settle on her shoulder. Asking if he can remove it.

Her gaze softens to something vulnerable and a little unlike the young woman he has seen the last few days. Another wall lowered, but the last one remaining up no matter how much she fills that desire build in her. One hand moves up to his face, fingers resting on his jawline with the back and forth moving on inside her. The question remaining in her gaze for him to answer:

Can you show me how to let you in? ]

[crazyisinevitable]

I'm thinking that I'm already writing to end the story, so why not try and write something to stop the darkness from getting into our world? Maybe it won't work, but maybe it will. Maybe it's not possible, but what if it is?

... Do you think Polaris could help me figure out how to do that? Would she even tell me?

[ He could see how maybe Polaris wouldn't want to share information with him, even if it was relayed to him by Jesse, and so he half-expects Jesse to tell him that's stupid. Impossible.

To Alan, it feels like it's been so much longer than just mere days. Of course, there's so much he doesn't know about Jesse, and of course he'd need more than days to really get to know her, and vice versa. Still, he can't help but think that he doesn't want to lose her, to go their separate ways, as strangers do. In his mind, they're not strangers, even though they have a lot to learn about each other.

The things she feels a need to do are things he feels he wants to do with her and to her as well. Kissing, touching, making her feel loved... Somehow, he knows she needs that. She needs to feel wanted. Is it instinct? Intuition? Guessing? He doesn't think it's a mere guess. ]

Jesse?

[ His voice has dropped a few notches into something deeper. Desiring, maybe. Trying to lure her in... but not in a negative way. He just wants to get closer to her, to get to know her better.

He sees that look in her eyes and notes the timidness of it, and that tells him he needs to move carefully: slowly, but surely too.

With these realizations in mind, he rocks his hips against hers once more, and then the hand at her shoulder slides the sleeve of her jacket down, leaving just her shoulder bare. He pauses, eyes moving to meet hers and asking wordlessly if this is all right with her.

His other hand moves to finger the edge of the tank top she wears as if testing whether or not she'll let him slide his hand beneath it as she did with his.

A question forms in his eyes too as he looks at her: Is this what you wanted to know? ]