synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

[ She lifts herself to make it easier for him to remove what he can of his undergarments. Then, he rolls up, and she lowers herself again. It takes some adjustment until she can finally feel him and they're connected. Together. One.

His hands circle around her back and Jesse moans, louder than she intended. Her head lowers to his shoulder as her whole body shakes entirely. She's already so close by just feeling him that it is embarrassing. He has to think she's so easy and pathetic.

But, it's Alan. He's the only one that could...

A shift of their hips and the thoughts fly from her mind. The only thing she can concentrate on is how he feels. How Polaris seems to be a louder hum in her mind. How the room suddenly seems brighter from just the one lamp. It all feels like floating.

It persists even beyond Alan finding the right place and sending her over. How her back arcs and she buries her face into his neck to let out the rest of her reactions. Her body shudders in his arms and against him. Her head feels like it's swimming and floating at the same time. The arms around his neck slide to simply rest on his shoulders as she pants to catch her breath.

The insane story and darkness rage on outside, but Jesse feels as if it could almost be morning in the room with how bright the light is and the gentle hum of her friend pulsing in the room. Maybe Alan can hear it if he's on the frequency she is.

Her eyes side close before she tilts her head into his neck further. That feeling she can't discern the origin of continues to bubble inside of her. ]

We're finally...

[ « "Back together"? That doesn't make sense. None of it does. But... this is nice. I don't want to let him go back now... if he goes back to New York, then... this all goes with him. We're finally... I don't want to lose this too. » ]

[ There's something about this, this heated, passionate dance they're in; it makes Alan's head swim, but oddly, he feels more clear-headed than he can ever remember being. Jesse's movements are waking up sensations inside him that he hasn't felt in a long time, and he's determined to enjoy all of them while returning the favor to her. Even the adjustments they have to make to fit themselves in and against each other feel just right.

He closes his eyes for a handful of seconds, and as he does, what starts as a slow unfolding of light gradually turns into an explosion of light in his mind. Where is the light coming from? He can't really make sense of it, but maybe he doesn't have to. He feels a gentle pulsing hum, and when he tries to follow it to its source, it just seems to lead him to Jesse. Is all of this from her? From Polaris? Or... is the light coming from- That's crazy, isn't it?

But the light and the humming both seem to grow stronger and brighter the more he and Jesse touch each other, and to him, that has to mean that it's coming from both of them.

He doesn't pull back or break the contact between them, but when she pauses and buries her face into his neck and stays there, he stills too, tightening his arms around her and just holding her as the seconds pass. He's not in a hurry to end this, because once they do, the light will fade, the humming becoming less loud, and the darkness will sneak its way back in. ]

Together. We're together. [ Home. Except this isn't home. It feels like it is, when she's around, but I know it's not. Not yet. ]

[ "Together. We're together."

Something inside her curls. Not due to their previous heated motions or the arousal. Something more personal and emotional. Maybe it's something she shouldn't even feel because. Regardless, it makes her arms tighten around his frame and her knees press into his hips slightly.

The light remains bright and Polaris continues to hum.

Her eyes crack open, and she looks at his chest. They close and she shifts to simply be comfortable against him. Fatigue is pumping through her due to how he winded her up and up. ]

Let's... just stay like this for a little longer.

[ That's all the encouragement he needs, really. ]

Okay. We'll stay like this, for as long as you want. [ As long as the story lets us. But I'll fight the story if I have to.

It takes some shifting and maneuvering, but he pulls her closer, a tall feat considering how close she is already, but he wants nothing between them. She's already on his lap, which is perfect, in his mind. He's content to just sit here with her, putting his arms around her and holding her. One hand eventually strays to her hair and begins touching and stroking the red locks. ]

I love you. I... I really love you. [ He presses a kiss to the side of her face before pulling back just a fraction, eyes still fixed on her, even if her eyes have slid closed again. ] How did I get this lucky?

[ Her eyes flutter shut at the kiss to her face. She just doesn't understand how he could love her. It's hardly been a week. The emotions bubbling inside her make no logical sense. None of it does. She wants to believe that he does love her and she could love him. She wants to know all of it is real and not just a byproduct of this weird story that's coming to life.

Just as real as Polaris or Ordinary.

Can it really be true? Even after a handful of days? ]

I'm not sure about "lucky." [ « Not with someone who everyone else thinks is crazy. » ] But, I guess you just pulled the winning numbers. Or something.

[ Maybe he shouldn't feel like this. Maybe he's rushing things; maybe he's moving too quickly because he wants this even though he should't. But... maybe it's not rushing it. Maybe he's not moving too quickly. Even if it makes no sense at all, he knows what he feels, and it's not just a passing interest. He can't explain why he feels like this, but... can love be explained? ]

Well, I'm sure about it. I wasn't hoping for anything. I figured that once the separation is final, that's it for me. And then... And then you came along. I think I did pull the winning numbers.

[ He wants to kiss her again, to keep kissing her, but maybe they should pause to catch their breath. Still, he leans in and he brushes his nose against hers in a fond gesture. He'd rather feel her lips on his again, but there's still time for more of that. ]

[ Jesse realizes she has never truly been in love before. Crushes, sure, but things never really went places due to... her being her. People could never get close. She'd never let them be inside her walls.

Her gaze drifts slightly before her eyes shut. ]

You shouldn't put your hopes entirely on me. I, I'm not good with people. Being with people. [ Her head tilts at his gesture and hides in his neck. ] I just let everyone down in the end.

[ Arms circle around him more as she presses against his chest. She doesn't want to let Alan down as well. She wants to be at his side--help him fix the story. ]

Stop. You won't let me down. You couldn't. [ He can't explain why he believes in her so much, but he just has this unshakable feeling that he does, and he can't make himself stop even if he wanted to. ]

You're- you're important to me, and you're special, and... I feel like we need to be together. We're supposed to be together.

[ He pauses as she presses herself against him. ]

Maybe you should put your hopes on me. Or maybe we can carry them together. That's what people do, isn't it?

[ « I let them down... I let Dylan down. How can I EVER be someone reliable? What he needs--what he wants? »

Her eyebrows knit together as she further hides her face in the crook of his neck. Belonging together. Meant to be together. It all sounds so nice. Nice to the point she can't believe the ideas like he can. ]

I don't know, is it what people do? I've never had something like this. I don't know how any of this works. I don't let people in. They don't want to see the world for what it really is underneath the poster. You're--you're the first one.

[ He realizes then that what she seems to be lacking is confidence in herself. Maybe he knew that already, noticed it already, or maybe he's just now seeing it and realizing what he might be able to do to help her. ]

Maybe it's not, but it could be what we do. We could figure out how to do it together. [ He doesn't plan on pushing her if she isn't ready or willing, because it seems to him that that's not what she needs. They could take it slowly, one step at a time. ]

We don't have to be like other people; who says we have to do exactly what they do? [ He knows he's never marched in line with what everyone else is doing, so in a way, this is just him being himself. ] Why don't we just do what we want to do, and figure things out as we go along? Together.

[ His hands curl around her in a way that he hopes is reassuring. Comforting. He wants her to feel like she's not alone anymore, because now she has him, and he'll fight the story or monsters or whatever the hell else to stay with her. ]

( cont here )

oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

imagine THIS (if only awr didn't have chubby alan)

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