shepherdtostars: ѕнєρнєя∂тσѕтαяѕ〘 ∂иѕ. 〙 (stormblood 🌸 07.)
𝓪𝓵𝓴𝓪𝓲𝓭 𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓬𝓮𝓭𝓮𝓼. ([personal profile] shepherdtostars) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2022-10-09 12:51 am

bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

bloody tears

AU PLOTLINE

The land is wrought with terror
He roams the countryside...
A journey far from doner
Racing the setting sun this battle must be won
CODE BY TESSISAMESS
thewayforpeace: (💠138)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-27 07:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ He cannot read minds, nor is he particularly skilled at reading emotions, but in the case of Matoya, he is finding that she is fairly easy to read. At least, it seems that there is some measure of sadness coming from her, or perhaps sympathy, and he wants neither of those things for himself. For whatever reason, this is his lot in life, and nothing can change it now.

Once, he entertained the notion that he could still be considered an Ishgardian, and still have a place in that world, but time and experience has relieved him of that idea. He maintains a home within the city's boundaries, but he knows he does not feel welcomed there. Her widened eyes give him an idea of what she may be thinking, and he seeks to dispel any worries that she may have on his behalf. ]


If you are worrying about me and my safety, I would ask that you not. It would take more than a mere blow to see to my end, not that any has attempted such a thing as yet. [ He is certain his words will not reassure her, so he accompanies them with a small smile. ] For the moment, all is well, and there is no reason for you to worry. [ She ought not worry about him regardless, as they have no relationship, even if the prodding in his mind is saying otherwise. If she agrees to his terms, they may well embark upon one, however. ]

You are... Complicated. [ He senses that there is quite the storm brewing beneath her outward exterior, and yet he can only guess at what thoughts might be chasing themselves about in her mind. ]

If you find that reaching a decision is too difficult, there are... ways around that. [ But just as he was loathe to drink her blood, he is also loathe to use those ways upon her, even if he does not wish to see his offer turned down. ]

I will say that the home I could give you may well be lacking, at least at the present, but should you accept, I will endeavor to alter that. [ After all, none has lived there but him in recent times, and so there is work to be done to make it acceptable for another living being.

His eyes trail downwards to where her own arm is entwined around his, and while he is still puzzled by her inability to speak, he knows what he wishes to do. ]


If it will make your decision easier, I could show you the place that I call home, and then you can decide. [ She spoke of an easier way of travel, and perhaps she could do that for them, as he is still recovering, and she seems terrified of leaving this cave. If there is a way to travel that would allow them to do so unnoticed, perhaps that is for the best.

For now, however, he has decided that he wishes to attempt calming what appears to be rattled nerves. He reaches for her slowly, so as not to startle her, and he gives a light pull, as if asking her to recline beside him. Truthfully, sitting up as he is doing is becoming uncomfortable, and if the pulling sensation from his wound is anything to go by, he should not take chances and risk reopening said wound by pushing himself too far. And while such a thought has not yet entered his mind nor his heart, the unconscious desire to be closer to her, to feel her in a way that he has not felt anyone in quite some time, still exists.

There is nothing untoward or menacing about his desire; it is simply the desire of a man who has been deprived of contact with others, mainly by choice but partially by the choices of other people. If she declines, he will understand, but he risks nothing by making the request. ]
Edited (stupid typos sorry) 2022-10-27 07:37 (UTC)
thewayforpeace: (💠75)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-28 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
[ He does have abilities that he did not possess before he was turned, but he has learned that he does not wish to make use of those abilities if he can help it. He does not deny that they have their use, but there is a part of him that wishes to go through life as if he were still an ordinary man, not a voidsent. It is foolish, of course, as there is no undoing what has been done, but he is resolved to behave as normally as possible. And if that means not making use of his unwanted gifts and refraining from feeding off of others, then that is what he will do. Naturally, he cannot refrain from feeding forever, but in those situations, he satisfies that need by preying on rats and other smaller creatures. Better to do that than become a ruthless killer hunting and murdering those with lives and families and a future.

He refuses to allow his thoughts and his resentment to fester, but he was once one of those who had a life and a family before he was turned against his will and before illness took his parents. ]


Yes, you are complicated. But that does not have to be a bad thing. [ He keeps his hand where it is, but he lightly moves it against her face once or twice, as if hoping to soothe her and to remind himself of how a truly living being feels. He is alive, in a manner of speaking, but it is a different sort of living than what she has. ]

I could grow accustomed to this, although wisdom says that I should not. [ He finds he enjoys her closeness, as he has not experienced such a thing in many years. And even then, it was not like this. Truthfully, he is surprised that he does not repulse her or cause her to recoil because of who and what he is. Among his own complicated feelings is a sense of gratitude that she has not pushed him away. ]

You wish for me to order you to follow me? To compel you to go against what your own mind is telling you? That is not a common occurrence. [ To be compelled in such a way has never been received well by anyone, if the stories he has heard and read about can be believed. Speaking for himself, he has not used that ability on anyone, as his own loathing directed at himself is deep enough on its own. If he could recoil from himself, he would, but of course that is impossible. ]

Is leaving truly what you desire? [ Her half-finished, halting words seem to indicate that, and so he makes a first attempt. ]

You can leave this cave. You should leave this cave and accompany me. [ His words still leave room for personal choice, but there is a part of him that believes she will experience this initial attempt at compelling her and that will cause her to turn away from him. To have one's agency and will overridden does not sit well with the living, and he expects nothing different from her. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠130)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-28 07:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ She would not be wrong in thinking that way. He has largely withdrawn from society, with the exception of retaining his identity as a Temple Knight. At the very least, it provides him with something to do besides brood alone in his family's house.

But even with that, he still remains lonely. And he detects a hint of that loneliness in her as well, although he also can only begin to imagine what sort of life she has led until now.

It seems as though he cannot stop himself from continuing to caress and touch her now that he has begun. He has had no one to care for, other than the old family cat, and said cat takes care of himself more often than not. Whether the inclination to touch her and to keep her at his side comes from himself or from something older and more intangible, he does not know, but he is not questioning it very much.

What he does know is that he would have her companionship if she would offer it, and her one word answer of affirmation is all he needs. He continues to touch her, hand moving lightly against her forearm as he chooses his words with care. ]


Come with me. [ There is more of a tone of command in those words, but he is not finished yet. ] You will come with me. [ He would use her name if he knew it, because names contain power, as do words. But there is a special significance to one's name. However, he does not know her name, so he chooses the next option available to him. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠46)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-28 05:20 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The life he could offer her may not be much better than the one that she has known. Even if she accompanies him to his home, for her safety, she will have to largely remain hidden, and what sort of life is that? But his mind is already spinning with thoughts concerning how their days might look, and he is resolved to provide her with everything that she might need, to the best of his ability.

He too craves contact with another living person, and while it may seem selfish for him to seek that and ask her for that, he finds that this is one area in which he may allow himself to be selfish. Driven by instinct, he leans in just a little closer so that he might lightly brush his lips against one of her bared arms.

It seems then that his command has reached her and taken hold, and with a stab of guilt, he asks the question that he should have asked earlier than now. But considering that he was previously injured and unable to ask much of anything, it seems that now is the best opportunity to do so. ]


Tell me, what is your name? If you are to accompany me, I ought to know what I should call you.

[ And while he awaits her answer, he once again moves his hand to reach for another part of her: this time, it settles lightly on her ear, not moving just yet, but waiting to see how she might react. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠82)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-29 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ It may be too much of a romantic notion, and he had thought that he had forgotten what such things meant, but he wishes to give her a future and a new chance at life. Perhaps she could reinvent herself and present herself as someone there to help and aid where she can. No one needs to know that she is a witch.

Encouraged by her response, he circles his other arm around her so that he might pull her in even closer. ]


K'lantaa. [ He tries saying the name, and it feels strange on his tongue, but he likes the sound of it regardless. ] I shall call you Lantaa, then, and you may call me Aymeric.

[ He sees no need for the use of titles between them, even though the titles he holds are lesser and more insignificant when compared to others. It seems to him that she welcomes his touch, as she has not shied away from it, so he begins to lightly rub her ear once, and then again, repeating the movement watching for any signs of displeasure. ]

The house will become your home, for as long as you wish it to be. [ A thought occurs to him then, and he adds: ] If you think it beneficial, perhaps you could place your protection around the house as well.

[ The statement is more request than order, as she is under no obligation to do such a thing. But it seems to him that both of them would benefit from it were she to comply. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠57)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-29 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There is nothing preventing him from reinventing himself, save for a deepseated belief that the chance for romantic ideals and a romantic life have long since passed him by. She could still have a future, however, and that is why he is resolved to do what he can to see her on her way to achieving that, even if, at some point, he would have to remain behind while she stepped forth into that new future and new life.

Again, he smiles a small sort of smile as if pleased to see how she melts against him. He has never had the opportunity to care for another in such a way, and part of him fears that he will take a misstep or do something she does not approve of. But she seems to enjoy having her ear stroked, so he continues doing just that. ]


Does- Does this please you? [ He cannot stop the hesitation in his words, as he is hardly experienced with this sort of thing.

Her tail brushing against his leg sends a shiver up his spine as well. He has never felt a sensation quite like this before, and he certainly has not experienced this sort of closeness, but he finds that it likes all of it. ]


Would you be willing to? [ His tone of voice shifts, as if he is no longer attempting to compel her, but ask if she would consider doing such a thing of her own will or not. ]
Edited 2022-10-29 20:15 (UTC)
thewayforpeace: (💠106)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-30 05:06 am (UTC)(link)
[ In so many ways, this feels almost like a fever dream that his mind conjured up for him. Once, he might have dreamt about meeting someone like her, and he has admitted to himself that he has felt incomplete, as if something is missing. But then he was turned into who he is now, and it felt as though all of his dreams for the future died that day.

Could she be the one he was meant to find? Is it possible for them to belong together? He has no answers to those questions, even though he has not yet begun searching inside himself for them.

Truthfully, what he desires is to hear her answer for herself without him using his powers of persuasion upon her. That is why he has somewhat relaxed his efforts in hopes of hearing what her true thoughts and feelings are. After all, it is not love if she is forced to answer against her will. Neither is it right if he forces her to stay if she would rather leave. He knows very little of such things, but if they are to be together, then he wishes for it to be genuine, not forced.

A small voice in his mind contradicts him, saying that he is only bringing to the surface what she has left unsaid, but he still fears that what he is doing is forcing her to say what he wants to hear and not what she truly wishes to say.

When her hand leaves his chest to move to his cheek, he does not move either, but he feels a slight stab of disappointment. She is still touching him, of course, but he rather liked the sensation of her fingers tracing along his sensitive skin. Many thought that those like him were not sensitive at all and could not truly appreciate being touched or giving touches in return. That is not the case.

But before he can say anything more, he notes the way her tone changes and he hears the familiar tone of one who is being compelled. Yet another stab in his heart is felt then, as if he feels disappointed in himself for relying upon these methods. In so many ways, he feels as if he is the disgrace, the disappointment... and certainly the unwanted, as many have turned away from him in the past.

But already he has an answer to her questions, and it is as genuine as it is possible to be. ]


It is not what I would have you do for me, but rather what I would have you do for yourself. Do you have any wants or needs? I would see those fulfilled.
thewayforpeace: (💠64)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-30 10:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[ If he could hear her thoughts and know what was going through her mind, his answer would be immediate. Although there is still very much they do not know about each other, one thing is clear in his mind: if it came about that she needed protection, he would not hesitate to stand up to protect her. Their circumstances are very different, but all he can think about is how no one was able to protect him from being turned that fateful day, and while he has tried his best to hold no grudges or bitterness, he is resolved more than ever to cause no harm to anyone nor allow anyone who has done nothing wrong to be harmed.

It was always an ambition of his to become a Temple Knight, but now more than ever, he sees it as a way to become stronger so that he might defend those who are unable to defend themselves. In his mind, this is a better use of his time and of his life than giving himself over to revenge.

The answers to her unspoken questions have not yet occurred to him, but even if he has not thought up the answers to them in so many words, it seems clear enough that he wishes to be with her, to keep her close for as long as she wants to be there and still has need of his protection. He has no intention of turning her away or of driving her away, not when their paths have finally crossed after so long. So long? It has not been very long at all. That contradiction in his mind clashes with what his soul believes to be truth: they have been together before in another time and place, and now they have once more come together again. He may not know just how many lives they have lived through together, but it seems that his soul is telling him it has been a very long time indeed. ]


I can give you a home, and my company, if you wish to have it. And by taking you into my home, I am resolved to protect you, whatever the cost. No one shall take you away as long as I am around. [ And when he is not, he will take steps to ensure she remains hidden and protected. ]

Am I...? [ His breath catches slightly as her fingers continue tangling themselves into his hair. ] Could I be your someone?

[ The clanging sound in his soul is telling him that yes, he is her someone, but he needs the confirmation from her, if she can give it.

He realizes perhaps too late that more tears are beginning to pour down her face, and without even the slightest hesitation, he reaches out for her with a careful hand so that he might wipe them away. ]


I would see you happy, and no longer needing to cry or be afraid. I- I would see you be yourself, not needing to be coaxed into giving answers, not even by me. [ And with that, his regret for having used that ability on her at all reaches a maximum, and something inside him recoils from himself. The spell, or the coercion, however it may be called seems to have momentarily been broken.

And then, as if a love he once felt so many lives ago now is resurfacing, he positions himself so that they are looking at each other eye-to-eye. One hand slides gently beneath her chin and carefully moves to tilt her face upwards. If she resists, he will also stop, but he wishes to see her with nothing getting in their way. ]


Lantaa...

[ He leans in so that their faces are just inches apart, and a small but no less genuine smile crosses his own face. ]

I can see you.
thewayforpeace: (💠47)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-31 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
[ He may not be surrounded by a whole host of loved ones, but he has Estinien, and he has the household steward and maid that have served his family for years. So he is not entirely alone, although it certainly is true that he has very few friends outside of those three individuals. They help when they can, but he would not ask them to give up more than they already have in order to assist with his adjustments to everything that has happened. And he has begun to believe that he could not ask for outside help, because who would answer even if he did reach out?

In all honesty, Lantaa's willingness to assist with his injury and her apparent eagerness to remain by his side has taken him by surprise. Not only is she a witch, but she is, as they both have noted, a stranger to him in this life. She is under no obligations to assist him or to be this close to him, and yet there is a part of him that wishes to believe she would do so without having to be compelled.

And because of that, he resolves to never compel her to act again, unless it is somehow in her best interests. And it well may be, given how she seems unable to freely speak about the things that trouble her or about things she wishes to say. Perhaps in that sense, they can help each other, although he would much prefer it if she spoke of her own accord and not because he was influencing her actions.

As before, he responds to her touches by going slack beside her, as if the feeling of her hands in his hair has released some sort of relaxation mechanism inside him. He is still present with her, but he is feeling a kind of contentment that he has never known before. Or if he has, it has been some long years since he felt anything remotely like this.

But just as suddenly as it started, he hears what she is saying and his posture stiffens by just a fraction. That she needs to further tend to his wound does not trouble him; instead, it is the notion that he must eat that gives him pause. Of course he needs to continue regaining his strength for the journey ahead and for anything that may come after, but this is one area in which he still has difficulty accepting. ]


Of course. Of course I need to eat, and I will. But not from you if I can help it. I will not risk bringing you harm.

[ He can appreciate her willingness to help, and of course he has relished the taste of her blood, but he does not wish to let that door open once more. She is not a fountain for him to help himself to, after all. ]

Surely there are small animals that roam around the outside of this cave. If I can find one or two, or even a handful, that will be enough.

[ And, at the last moment, he finds he cannot help but add: ] Am I your love now? [ It is the closest he has come to offering a tease, and she might note the way his eyes briefly light up with something resembling amusement. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠65)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-31 06:49 am (UTC)(link)
[ On some level deep down, he knows that she does not mean to be parted. How he knows that, he is unsure, but there is a small voice that is telling him that they will not be separated now that they have found each other. He certainly does not wish to let her go, although he would without a second's thought if he deemed it to be in her best interests. Still, if they are together, then he can care for her and protect her, and that seems more important to him than anything. Perhaps she feels the same, and it is that possibility that he holds onto. ]

I can scarcely imagine what I might have done in this life or any other life to deserve this. [ He has no qualms admitting that. Of course he feels undeserving of anything that could be remotely considered good. But undeserving and thankless are not the same things. ] I do not know what caused our paths to cross, whether it was fate or a particular blessing, but I am grateful that they did.

[ For his part, his expression falls just slightly as the conversation turns once more towards her urging him to eat as much as he needs. ] Surely you understand why I am hesitant. I do not wish to harm you, despite your reassurances that I will not. I- I am afraid that I will not be able to stop myself, and... You may not survive. [ That causes his throat to nearly close with fear and revulsion because of his needs, and for just a moment, he allows himself to rest against her unmoving while he wars with himself about what he ought to do.

Perhaps it is good that he is not sitting up at this moment, because if he were, he may well have lost his balance. He has deprived himself of what he needs, because of his reluctance to drink from her, and the effects of that have now begun to surface.

Even as her voice washes over him in a far different tone than she has used thus far, his eyes slide closed and his free hand moves to clasp the side of his head. Because he is lying down, the effects of the wave of dizziness that has settled in are not so apparent, but he is suddenly tense and not relaxed as he was just moments ago.

After a moment, his eyes slit open again, and their normal blue color appears slightly dimmed as he searches to meet her gaze once more. He does not answer aloud, as the words do not come, so he gives just the barest of nods which in turn sets the world spinning again.

Perhaps he was foolish to deprive himself for as long as he has, but the thought of drinking a living person's blood is all but unbearable to him. Still, he feels himself being pulled into giving a consenting answer, and there is no taking it back now. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠128)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-10-31 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[ As he feels himself fall against her, what little strength he had managed to gain fleeing from him once more, a sense of desperation surges inside him. There is more that I must say... More that I must tell her. It is difficult to form words when his head his spinning and his arms and legs feel as though they are made of lead, but he must make an attempt to respond to her.

From sheer force of will alone, he manages to form a few words, although it is not the answer he wished to give. ]
Why do you trust me so? [ Why, when I cannot trust myself? He has given her no proof that he will do as he said, only his word, and what good are words if there are no actions behind them? Simply put, there has not been time for him to prove that he will do as he has promised, so it seems odd to him that she trusts him so readily. Perhaps it is not so odd considering their bond that has lasted over many lives, but in this life, he is someone to whom trust is easily given. ]

Lantaa. [ He internally curses himself and this sudden weakness that is keeping him from saying everything on his mind. All he can do is reach for her and try to grasp onto her hand as if that will keep him grounded as his senses try to run from him.

She gives an order for him to look at her, and despite his weakness and inability to move, the enticing tone in her voice stirs up strength from some hidden reserve and he manages to move his head slightly so that he is looking her in the eyes. Her touches on his lip and her tail brushing against his leg, and the way she continues brushing his hair, all form a spell of their own, and if not for the captivating tone in her voice, he might have let his eyes slide closed again and allow himself to drift off. He certainly feels weak enough to simply slide away into sleep, but it seem that his new (old) companion will not allow him to.

As her efforts continue, the ever-present battle inside him between his vampire side and his undamaged, unsullied side continues to rage, but the longer she talks and the more she touches him, giving him those brief but still meaningful brushes against his lips (a sensitive area, although he refuses to admit that), a different sort of haze falls over his eyes: not dim, and not overly bright either, but there is a hint of redness to it as he watches and listens to her. ]


I- [ A slight tension forms in his shoulders as the internal struggle continues. ] Please. [ It is the closest he will come to asking for her help, and even then, he does not use those exact words, merely that one word entreaty for her assistance.

A switch has seemingly been flipped, and the reticent man that refused to eat his fill even though he needed it has been replaced by another with no such reservations. ]


I want you... I want to taste you. [ If he were not driven by need and by the heady feeling brought on by her efforts to entice him, those words would make him recoil, but instead, he looks at her with desire and in a way, with love.

As if what some would call a bloodthirsty vampire is capable of loving another. ]
thewayforpeace: (💠100)

[personal profile] thewayforpeace 2022-11-01 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ His only answer at first is to shake his head repeatedly as if rejecting her words concerning what he should have done as a Temple Knight. To take anyone's life is all but unforgivable to him, and although he knows he should not stand to let one such as her live, he also knows he would not be able to strike her down. ]

I could not have done it. Why should you not be allowed to live? [ He has just enough of his senses remaining to give voice to those questions. ] Why should I be allowed to live, when you face threats and danger every day? [ Or rather, he assumes that she would face danger on a daily basis if not for the fact that she had hidden herself inside her cave.

His body seems to react of its own accord, pressing slightly against hers as if desperately asking for continued closeness with her. Her touches and caresses are stirring up feelings that he assumed were long dead, and now that they have come to life, he only wants more.

How could he ever hate her when she is giving him things he never dreamed he could have?

With such a willing subject just inches away and offering herself to him, he finds he can hardly resist now that his darker instincts have been awoken. The part of him that hated himself for what is now an inextricable part of his life has been suppressed, and in its place is someone else: someone else with an appetite and a need for sustenance. But even then, he is not a mindless creature looking to eat and nothing more.

Instead of answering her question concerning his opinion regarding her taste, he offers her a small smile, and if she is looking closely enough, she might see a brief glimpse of pointed teeth. But he does not use them just yet; instead, he presses her lips against her arm once she has guided him so that he is resting in her lap. A vampire he may be, but he has not completely lost all measure of politeness, even for a creature who thrives on the blood of others.

His movements are slow, given the lingering weakness, but no less purposeful. He takes hold of her arm lightly with one hand and leans forward just a fraction, mouth open and teeth just barely bared. One pointed fang lightly pierces the skin on her arm, and with what might be seen as a surprising sort of gentleness, he presses his lips against the spot waiting for a droplet of blood to form. He needs to feed, but he has just enough presence of mind to not treat her roughly or carelessly. ]

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