Lᴜɴᴀꜰʀᴇʏᴀ Nᴏx Fʟᴇᴜʀᴇᴛ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guidingmoonlight) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2021-07-16 01:48 am
guidingmoonlight) wrote in synthneon2021-07-16 01:48 am
Entry tags:
YGO PSL | ❝ i am not lying, i am just trying to find my way in to you. ❞
( continued from yonder! )
[ Her other hand raises and gestures to the bed behind him. It had been a set of normal circumstances in getting ready to rest for the night. Even down to the fact she was dressed for bed. Unspoken, of course is how she misses his presence. It hardly matters in their current circumstances -- or at all. Pinning for one does none of them any good. Priorities and needs will always shift, and, Lunafreya has always believed those come before wants and desires.
Although she has been known to be young and naive in such ways.
Lunafreya shifts her gaze back to him in order to answer his next question. "Answer" that is. He has been able to understand her thus far at least.
Then, a change in the air.
Yugi appears beside Atem. He looks between Lunafreya and his partner. ]
Other Me? What's going on?
[ Lunafreya glances at the space where she feels the shift in the air. She turns back to surveying the room with one hand remaining on his shoulder to help her stay upright. A hand raises out beside her in order to try and summon her Trident. That, as it turns out, was the wrong decision to make. Her arm starts to shake as it feels sharp pricks make its way up her skin.
A soundless gasp leaves her at the sudden pain. In a sweeping moment, she crumbles back down to the ground where she had once stood.
Yugi's attention snaps to her as it sinks in that they're in her room. ]
Luna?!
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Maybe that is what she is meant to be.
They have never discussed the possibility of Atem's days being numbered. Lunafreya has not seen the need to. As of now, they can see no way to break his ties to the Millennium Puzzle, or how he even came to be tied to the ancient artifact to begin with. It has remained a distant possibility in her mind. One, nonetheless, she is aware that may happen some day. All spirits must cross on at one point or another. It remains an outcome that has always caused her to feel a dull ache in her heart. Now, in this moment, the thought of him crossing over to that place...
A soundless sob breaks through her efforts to hide her tears from them. Only Atem might know of it, and even then he might feel the way her body moves rather than hear the lack of sound. The girl no longer wishes to be left alone. She has seen too many loved ones leave her in one form or another. While reality will tell her one thing, she does not want the soul she has chosen to be her king leave her as well. Not now. Even if he has stated it in many ways that he will stay? She cannot help but feel that he might slip away if she lets go of him.
Gentiana's eyes fall to the girl in the Pharaoh's arms. There is much to be shared about the Oracles. How they came to be, how they are chosen, what it requires of a woman who accepts a calling such as it. However, she feels it is not the time to share such information. The morning would bring light and such conversations. For now? Something gentler and truer to the current state of the girl both can see strikes Gentiana as what might need to be shared. ]
Lunafreya did not wish to bring those she considers friends to her home at first. [ Her speech changes then, as does the expression on her face. It becomes something more human. Especially as she reaches out to further pull the blankets down. ] While this was the place in which she grew up, it was far from happiness that she found here.
[ Yugi eyes the bed before looking back to the three. His eyes linger on Atem as he nods in agreement. None of this is really what they'd expect. 'Luna mentioned that her mother died when she was young. Back in the Battle City Finals...' ]
She knew not the father that helped bring her into this world... and her mother spent much time fulfilling the duties given unto the Oracle. There was a time when she and her brother had been close. What small family remained all fell apart once her mother was murdered.
[ At that, Yugi's head snaps up. He practically pushes himself forward to grab onto Gentiana's arm, demanding the once goddess look at him. ]
Murdered?! You can't be serious--she never said that was how...
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Luna. [ He notes, perhaps not for the first time, how much he likes that name of hers. Her full name is beautiful too, of course, but whenever he says the shortened version, he just gets struck by how fitting a name it is for her. And now, when he says it, if she can hear it through her tears, there's nothing but love in his voice. ]
I'm right here. I won't be going anywhere, I promise. [ It's strange to think how quickly and completely his priorities have shifted, but now, the last thing he wants is to ever leave any of them. He can't imagine leaving Lunafreya behind, and of course he never wants to leave Yugi, unless Yugi himself comes to the realization that he no longer needs him. If that ever happened, of course he'd have no choice, but he decided not that long ago to just hold onto the fact that for now, he remains here with them.
He presses another loving kiss to the side of her head, and lowering his voice again so only they can hear it, he adds: ] I love you, Luna. [ It doesn't feel wrong to say those words; in fact, those words feel so right that he could just repeat them to her again. ] I wanted to make sure you know that.
[ And then as Gentiana continues to speak, Atem turns his gaze back to her, while still keeping his firm hold on Lunafreya. ]
Then I suppose that we should consider ourselves honored that she allowed us to visit her here. [ And he does. He didn't take it lightly that she asked them to come see her here.
'Yes. I had a feeling that her story was a sad one, at least in part.' And now it seems that they're about to get a bigger picture of her story.
When Gentiana drops the bombshell that Lunafreya's mother was murdered, Atem's fists clench even though he still keeps his hold on her. Yugi's outburst echos his own feelings, but he also adds: ]
I didn't know that was what had happened. [ He has to pause to let the gravity of this wash over him. Now it's clear that the hand that Lunafreya has been dealt is a hard one, but it's also clear that she's stronger than most, perhaps even stronger than she realizes, although it isn't his place to make assumptions. ]
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Lunafreya's gaze raises to his. Still, she tries to hide her tear stained face. There is no hiding the redness in her eyes. Her head tilts into his touch, wanting to believe every word he has said. She knows that he loves her. There is no question to that or how he desires to stay beside her. The questions raise when it comes to what she feels she might ask of him to help her. She feels it is not her place to even ask to spend time with him, let alone ask to speak outside of the notebook she had sent him.
How much of her selfishness can she share that might overshadow Yugi's life? The only answer Lunafreya could decide on was simple: none. Somewhere between Yugi returning and their stay in Flordia afterwards, she found herself believing that she could only spend time with either of them if they were the ones to ask. Of course she misses speaking with them. Even more so, she misses the man she loves. But, how could she ask either of them spend time away from the other to spend it with her? Especially after seeing the need that both souls have to the other they call partner. She would rather try to heal and recuperate on her own than be seen as a threat to that.
She tilts her head up by a fraction and moves to tell him that she loves him as well. No matter the imposed separation she believes she needs to do, or what little time they spend together, she loves him. The words are never able to leave her. It causes another fresh wave of pain, and her eyes close to stop the tears that threaten to come. They do not need words to communicate, but she wishes to speak them now more than ever.
Lunafreya hides her face in the crook of his neck. It matters little to her that both Yugi and Gentiana can see it. What is the difference? They are aware of her condition and of how much she and Atem love one another. This might well be the last time she can hold onto him and seek his comfort if she does remain in this empty house. She might stay back while they return to Japan if she truly does not belong with them. If that, then, it hardly matters to her that they might see it. They may want nothing to do with her once Gentiana shares what she has taken great lengths to keep to herself. Not out of fear or judgement, but, out of not wishing to drag their spirits down further with her woeful tale. ]
Of course neither the Pharaoh or his vessel would know. Looking into the affairs of a world away would not cross your minds. Especially events of so long ago. [ She gently shakes her head, letting the raven colored hair shift with the human notion she rarely has. ] The former Oracle and her children visited a country within Europe - one that still has a king. The King and the former Oracle had been friends for a number of years and wished for their children to find a similar friendship. However, an assassination attempt took place on the King from his enemies. The King made it out with his son as the Oracle had bought time for them. A wayward soldier struck out at Ravus and the Oracle took what would have killed her son. Both Ravus and Lunafreya witnessed the event first hand and were retrieved by the King's guard. It, however, damaged Ravus's view on the calling the Fleurets have to their station. So much that when Lunafreya decided to undergo the training needed to become the Oracle, he left her to do it on her own.
[ Yugi's eyebrows turn upwards. ] She wasn't entirely alone though. She had you, didn't she?
[ The brown-green eyes turn to look at Yugi's ghostly appearance. ] Yes... but it not the same.
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He and Lunafreya can still be together when time allows and still respect Yugi's right to have his own life. He doesn't really see a need for a complete separation between the two of them, and if they were to both do that, it would only cause them more heartache. As it is, whether or not he understands the true meaning behind her despair, he can see how thoroughly she's being hurt by seemingly everything, including whatever it is that's currently afflicting her. ]
I'll stay with you for as long as you need me to, even if that turns out to be forever. [ He briefly spares a glance for Yugi, knowing the improbability of his words, but he can't imagine separating from Lunafreya now, not when she's like this.
His words aren't a lie, which is what he fears she'll believe them to be... a lie to placate her. He means them with complete certainty, however. He might not know that she's thinking this could be their last time together, but even so, he intends to stay with her here or elsewhere for as long as she needs him. ]
I suppose you're right, and even if we did know, there's little to be done about events long gone. But- [ He shakes his head. To think that way feels so incredibly callous, and barring an unwanted influence such as the seal of Orichalcos, he would never allow himself to do that. ]
There is evil in this world, but it is wrong that families should be torn apart because of people who act with no consideration for others. [ And here, he has to push aside the voice in his head that tells him he's no better than the evil people he speaks of. After all, it wasn't so long ago that he, too, acted completely selfishly and ignored the wants and needs of those closest to him. ]
No, I imagine it wasn't the same. [ He can't remember his own growing up years, or what his parents might have been like, or even if they were present in his life. But he doesn't have to know that to be able to imagine the void that must have been left in the lives of Lunafreya and Ravus. ]
How could it ever be the same again? [ Then, as if driven by a need to further comfort the girl in his arms, he reaches out to lightly stroke her hair. ]
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Then, his shoulders drop and his eyes move to the floor for a moment. How could it ever be the same again? It's something he knows better than he tells anyone. It's just him, his mom, and Grandpa in the shop and family house (and now Atem). His father... nothing really fills that void left when a parent is no longer there. He can relate to what Lunafreya must feel, but, he knows it isn't the same feeling. Nothing can be close to watching the only parent you have die in front of you. At least he had his Grandpa and his mother, then eventually his friends, and his other self. Who has she had outside of Gentiana, Umbra and Pryna? It doesn't sound like she's had her brother to help her through any of it. At least, not in the way she needs.
He only looks up slightly when he sees Lunafreya move to curl more into Atem's arms. He's never felt jealousy or even sadness seeing the two express themselves to one another. Yes, it's his body that Atem is moving, but, Yugi knows he isn't looking at himself. He knows that for all intents and purposes? It's their body. He sees his other self having just as much right to a physical form as he does. That's why he doesn't mind any of this or their relationship.
It's not like he has one anyways. ]
What more information the two of you seek may be found in the morning. For now, Lunafreya must rest. As must the two of you. However you might decide. [ Gentiana raises a hand to Lunafreya's arm one last time before she bows to the three. Yugi steps to the side to let her pass. ] Umbra will remain outside should anything be needed. It seems as if Pryna refuses to leave.
[ Yugi turns his attention to the white pet. She nudges Atem's arm one last time before turning her head to look at Yugi. He blinks but nods, unsure really what to say or do. He's met Umbra more than he has her. Regardless of that fact, Pryna stands and pads over to one of the blue couches in the small seating arrangement. She hops up and lays down, watching as Umbra follows Gentiana out of the room. The door clicks as it shuts gently.
After a moment of silence, he finally turns to look at Atem. He glances at Lunafreya again. It might be best if he speaks to his other self through their bond. He doesn't want to upset her more.
'How do you want to handle this, Other Me?' He feels as if it should be Atem's decision. He's the one that Lunafreya needs the most right now. ]
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Before he answers his question, he asks one of his own. 'Are you all right, Yugi?' It's their responsibility as partners to look out for each other, and he intends to continue doing that, even in the midst of situations like this one.
He nods his agreement with Gentiana's decision, because it's clear that Lunafreya really needs to rest, and he doesn't want to keep her from that any more than he already has. Finally, once Gentiana and Umbra have left and Pryna has moved herself to curl up on one of the couches, that's when Atem answers Yugi.
'If it's all right with you, I would like to stay with her, at least for this evening. If not, if you have other plans in mind, I understand.' It's his desire to stay by Lunafreya's side, but he won't encroach on Yugi's right to go about his own business, no matter how much he feels compelled to remain with her. ]
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He really is. He had to make peace with the situation growing up ages ago. It does still bother him from time to time. However, it's nothing like what is going on with Lunafreya at the moment. That's their priority now.
'It's fine. All I was going to do was go to sleep.' He gives his other self a bit of a smile. 'Let me know if something happens. Or, if you need anything. Okay?'
Yugi takes the last step he needs to in order to be next to them. He raises a hand and gently places it on Lunafreya's back. It only rests there first a moment before Yugi decides to retire to his soul room for the night.
He'd like to stay up with the two and make sure both are alright... but, they need time to themselves. They don't have as nearly as much together as he'd lik. He can force that though. Yugi sighs and looks at the ceiling of his room. Maybe it will help both of them realize they need to be together more. ]
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'All right. And I won't hesitate to let you know if something should happen.' He's well aware that Yugi cares a lot about Lunafreya too, so should something change overnight, or if either of them need something, he'll keep him updated. But he won't disturb his sleep needlessly.
'Good night, Yugi. And thank you.' It occurs to him then that maybe he doesn't thank his partner enough. He's always been so supportive and helpful when things are hard, and of course Atem appreciates him far more than words can say. But still, it just feels right to say those words aloud.
Once it's just himself and Lunafreya, and Pryna curled up on the couch, he turns his attention back to her. What should he do now? Should he move both of them back over to the bed and place her in it while he stays nearby, keeping watch?
Perhaps he should simply ask her what she wishes to do, even if she won't be able to voice a reply. ]
Luna, are you ready to sleep now? [ He knows that she needs rest, but he wants to give her the option of deciding. ]
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Lunafreya shifts as he addresses her. She is vaguely aware that Gentiana and Yugi have left them, but she has done her utmost to pull her emotions back into herself. Even if she would lay her heart out if Atem asked it of her? She knows that he might need to leave at a moments notice if Yugi needed something. As such, she attempts to contain everything once again and pull herself from him.
No, she is not ready to sleep or rest. She doubts she will find either. It is something she knows she needs, and she is certain Atem would insist on it. Just as she had for him. Her head remains lowered with her bangs covering her eyes as she moves her hands from his back to his shoulders as an aid to help herself back up. Her body aches and her legs shake at the movement, but she pushes herself to walk the few steps to the bed regardless. Then, she eases herself down onto it and removes the black shawl that matches her nightgown.
There she remain sitting where the bed covers have been pulled down. After a moment, her hands move out towards him. She gently take the Puzzle that hangs around his neck into her hands and looks it over. Her fingers trace the carved details of where the pieces fit together. There has always been a reverence to mystical item merely by what it is and can do. However, she is very much aware it is what keeps the soul she loves bound to the mortal world. Something that she is grateful for, but also must wonder if it means that his time with them is limited.
Lunafreya gently raises the Puzzle and places a kiss to it. She is aware it might seem odd, but, it is her way of trying to communicate she loves him regardless of his state of being. Within Yugi's body or not. ]
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When she pulls herself up and begins moving over to the bed, he's quick to follow along after her in case she should lose her balance or in case she simply needs a hand to hold onto while she moves. Even if sleep never comes to her, at least she can lie down, and if she'll allow him to, he'll lie down beside her. That way, he can keep an eye on her and be close to her if she should need anything from him or so he can call Gentiana if something comes up.
When she reaches for the Puzzle, he holds still, not entirely certain what she intends to do; he watches as her fingers trace along the details of the Puzzle and its pieces, and as he does so, he wonders what she might be thinking.
But then she places a kiss on the surface of the Puzzle, and that action makes him smile just a little. He reaches for one of her hands then and he plants a kiss of his own on top of it. ]
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A form of her usual small smile touches her face at his kiss. She has no idea if the meaning of her action made it through their metaphoric communication barrier. All she can do is hope that he has learned her small notions and the body language that accompanies it all. Despite Gentiana's assurances? She is not entirely sure that she will recover any of her magical energy, let alone her voice. Now she cannot help but wonder if that is for the best.
Perhaps the world has no more use of the Oracle. Although she imagines that Atem would argue against such an idea.
Lunafreya lets the Puzzle return to its normal resting place. Then, her hands raise to invite him to bed with her. A familiar gesture from their time fighting Dartz and his god. ]
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And, well, if he had any lingering doubts that she loved him, those have all but left now. And more importantly, he loves her and if he could reverse whatever's been done to her, he would. As far as he's concerned, the world still needs Oracles, and by extension her, but at the same time, it seems to him that her being the Oracle puts her in danger, and he finds that unacceptable.
For now, though, they're together and they're as safe as it's possible to be, so he simply moves to get into the bed with her so that they can lie down together. And once they're both settled, he says: ]
I'll find a way to reverse this, no matter how long it takes.
[ He'll make a pest of himself to Gentiana if he has to, but there must be something that they can do. ]
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The tremor in her arm remains even though it has lessened. It presents a struggle to maneuver her person once he joins her in her bed. Yet, she finds a way to lower herself without pressing her weight on it. Then, she stares down at the sheets and blankets until he has settled himself. The urge to reach out and curl into his arms is nearly overwhelming. She does not move and instead waits to see what he might want to do. What she would want steps over the metaphoric line she has drawn for herself... and she will not cross it unless invited or told to.
Her eyebrows turn up slightly at his statement before raising his gaze to his. The question is quite obvious on her face: What if it is irreversible?
Gentiana has said that it requires rest and possibly re-connection of a spiritual level. Truthfully? She is not sure she can bring herself to do such a thing. If she must re-connect with an Oracle who came before her, and they find her to have failed by letting herself fall into the state she is...
What if her own mother is the one that steps forth? What if she has not only has become a failure to her lineage, but as a daughter? She knows it is a possiblity no mater what Atem, Gentiana, or Yugi might think. ]
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What he wants to do completely disregards any lines, visible or invisible, and without even the slightest hesitation, he gently places an arm around her and carefully pulls her in close, hoping he doesn't cause her any further discomfort in the process. Once she's beside him, he leans in so that their noses are touching, eyes staring into hers.
He can see the question in her eyes, and he has only one answer for it: ] I'll find a way to fix it. It can't be irreversible; I won't accept that.
[ And he might not be able to read her thoughts, but he's also thinking back to what Gentiana said. ]
If it turns out that you must meet with the Oracles from the past, and you find yourself uncertain how to approach them-
[ He knows this may not work; he might not even be able to see the Oracles, or they may not allow themselves to be seen by him. But Gentiana can see him when he's not in physical form, and so can Pryna and Umbra, so perhaps the same ideas will apply. ]
I'll speak to them for you. [ It might seem presumptuous, but he'll be her voice if she'll allow him to. ]
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Regardless of the rolling thoughts in her mind, she follows his directions. She lays closer to him, forehead and nose pressed to his, but her gaze breaking from his. She cannot help but feel ashamed for her display. Great lengths are always taken to hide her moments of weakness. This small band of duelists and friends rely on her to be the Oracle and their friend - they need not see her at her lowest.Atem does not need to see it. He and Yugi are the ones that rely on her the most, yet she has utterly fallen to pieces within the last hour and some. That cannot continue. Even if it makes that she must bury her emotions and sort them out once they leave for Japan.
Dealing with her emotions, her past, her baggage, was not her intent at bringing them to England. There were things she wished them to see. A new place in the world to enjoy and spend the upcoming holidays without the threat of impending doom. She is aware the cultural differences, but, thought that maybe seeing how her people celebrated the festive season might help them. Especially Anzu, if she truly is to go to America after high school. Of course... there is one place in particular she wishes to take Atem. She had resolved on her own to do what she might to find information on the time that he reigned. If nothing else, context could be given, and perhaps he might find answers to the sort of king he was.
None of this, however, can be done in her current state. Which means she must recover enough to do so. If she does truly remain in England... then at the least it will be parting gifts to all of them.
Her gaze only flickers back to him at his statement of resolution. She would communicate that it is hardly necessary, but, she knows the tone in his voice. He has made his decision. Any sign of conviction needs her full support until he can stand without doubt in himself any longer. If he so wishes to speak to her ancestors - should she even need to - then it will be done.
She raises her hand and gently places it on his chest. Her heart tells her to bridge what gap remains and lay as they once had in their time in America. She knows it is what she wants, but, she cannot act upon it. Exhaustion, fear, respect of his wishes, the reason truly does not matter at the moment. She will continue to carry on as she has.
Instead, she raises her shame filled gaze back to him. Has he explained their arrangement to his partner? ]
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That's the last thing he wants to have resurface now, but the thoughts are insidious and they're still swirling around his mind even as he tries to be strong and supportive for her.
He feels as though he has to be careful with what he says, because saying the wrong thing might only add to the pressure she's already carrying, but he wants her to know that he's with her every step of the way, and he won't be leaving her for anything in the world. ]
Luna, I- [ He's still debating with himself about whether or not he should say what's on his mind. ] I want to hear your voice again, but what I don't want...
[ Part of him still feels like he's walking a very thin line, and saying the wrong thing could send her spiraling down even further. Now he can imagine how she must have felt when their roles were reversed. ]
I don't want you feeling like you have to do anything before you're ready. You have time, as much time as you need.
[ He's just realized that there really is no time limit for this current situation. Unlike the time crunch they were under when he was rendered almost incapacitated, he doesn't see any such deadline in front of them now. ]
If you need more time to rest before you decide on an action, you should.
[ And if Gentiana or anyone else tries to contradict that, then Atem has no problems asking them to wait. The last thing he wants is to lose Lunafreya somehow, either because she pushed herself to act before she was ready, or because the pressure she's placed on herself becomes too much. Either way, the outcome is equally undesirable.
And as for this moment right in front of them, if she can't will herself to bridge the gap between them as they once did, then he'll do it for her. He moves carefully, trying to be mindful of her and her needs, but he closes that gap between them so there's no longer anything separating them.
He can't stand that look in her eyes, but he believes he understands what she's feeling, and so he tries to be as comforting as he can, reaching for a lock of her hair first, and then moving so his hand rests lightly against the back of her head.
Perhaps if he just remains with her, she'll feel safe enough to fall asleep, or simply tired enough. He hopes that if she does, she'll manage to rest, but he knows how hard it can be to sleep when one's feelings are all turned upside down.
Still, he's going to stay right here with her. ]
Is there anything that you need? [ If so, he'll move mountains to get it, whatever it might be. ]
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Does she have time? Not as much as she might need if she is to have them enjoy the reasons why she has brought them to England. Especially him. Her gaze simply softens at his statement. A bittersweet expression takes to her face then as a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. They may not be pressed as they once were for fighting Dartz and his god. Yet, the more time she takes is less time to be with all of them. He insists that he'll be here with her through all of this ordeal. Is that truly possible? What of Yugi and his friends? They are all guests in her home. She cannot very well ignore them or ask them to wait as she recovers when she should have already done so.
The holidays are different for her culture than Yugi and Atem's adopted one. She intends to have them experience them as a way to help bring their group of friends back together and made whole again. She is a healer above all else, and not all wounds can be healed with magic or rest.
Her eyes close at the feeling of his fingers in her hair. The small motion has always brought her comfort, but perhaps now he might see how much it eases her spirits. As if it were habit, Lunafreya gently nudges his cheek with her nose in return. He always seems to find a way to bring the affectionate side of her to the surface. Even when it was merely a gentle poke to the back of his head, or now when she feels as if she has failed in her duty and calling.
The trembling in her body eases slightly once she realizes that he has brought them as close together as he can. She instinctively leans her body into his, as if they have already spent a lifetime doing so. Her hands, one still shaking, slowly slip under his shirt. They hesitantly rest on his back. The small motion is her way of bringing them together again, but, she cannot help the thoughts of fear that cause her head to lower slightly. What if this is too far? Will he tell her that what she needs, in this moment, is too much to ask for?
What does she need?
Him.
The Other Yugi, the Namless Pharaoh, the Spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, her king, Yami. Whatever name or identity he wishes to give himself. They are all parts of him as far as she is concerned and he is what she needs. His strength, his convictions, and the love he seems so readily to give if she will simply meet him at the barrier they've placed between them.
He told her that as long as he remains on this Earth she has a place with them. Then, why, does she feel she does not? She does she place more space between herself and that barrier? She needs him and yet feels she cannot even reach out to him to take his hand. She feels she cannot even ask to be at his side when that is the one thing her heart truly desires most.
Why is she so terrified that he might finally dismiss her when he has only done the opposite?
Lunafreya forces her gaze back to his. How can she express it so he might understand the answer to his question? Him, with all that he might be and may have hidden. Despite how uneven she feels in her own convictions, she tries to speak. Not only because he wishes to hear her voice. She wishes to use hers to answer him properly. Yet, no sound comes from her voice, and she feels as if those dark fingers curl around her neck again. They choke her answer that tries so desperately to leave her. ]
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That's why it's so hard to reconcile those feelings with the other ones that he's been wrestling with: that he isn't doing enough to repay her for everything she's given to him, and that it isn't fair of him to saddle her with someone who doesn't even fully belong in this world. But to do what his head is telling him to, namely pulling himself away because she should be in love with someone real, feels all but impossible. It's selfish, but he just can't bring himself to let her go.
They may not have very much time, but whatever time they do have here, he wants to spend every minute possible with her. But anything like going to the museum or visiting other attractions will have to wait until he's found a way to fix what's been done to her. His resolve to do so hasn't wavered; the only thing that's leaving him uncertain is the fact that he simply doesn't know how to make her better.
He can be here with her, holding and comforting her, but that won't bring her voice back, will it? If Gentiana's words can be believed, and he has no reason to doubt them, it just won't be enough.
He should be striving to find a way to set things right again, but all he wants right now is her. If she wants him, then he wants her too, and it's that desire that drives him to hold onto her gently but fiercely at the same time. If he ever had a queen in his past life, he doesn't know; but in this current life, such as it is, she's the closest thing to a queen, his queen, that he has. He wishes to keep her by his side for as long as she wants to be there. And if she ever wants to leave, then of course he'll let her go, because he only wants what's best for her, and he can't pretend that he believes keeping her with him is the best thing for her.
His life is dangerous; the encounters with Dartz have only proved that. And even if it wasn't, he can't even give her all of him and his time, because at the end of the day, he's only a ghost borrowing the form of another.
So for now, he's just going to hold onto her, but the thought is always in the back of his mind that one day, he may have to say goodbye. ]
It's all right, Luna. [ He sees the look in her eyes and he can't stand to see that. ] You don't have to speak. [ Or to force herself to. He can't imagine that that'll be good for her recovery either.
So with that in mind, he just tightens his hold on her until he's giving her the warmest embrace he can manage. ]
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She would ask that he does not let her go. In this moment, or metaphorically. Though, she is aware that it is highly unrealistic. Regardless of the position his state of existence? He may decide that their relationship is simply a burden or no longer worth his time. He may get tired of waiting for her as she travels to do her duty not only as Oracle, but as nobility as well. It may put too much a strain on his and Yugi's relationship. They both agreed that Yugi's life and needs came first, as such, Lunafreya places the relationship between the two souls first as well.
Her life is dangerous with or without his influence. The nature of her mother's death should show that alone. She faces political dangers at every twist and turns, regardless of her being the Oracle. Her family is a joining of two ancient nobility that still holds influence across Europe. Then, why would she worry of what dangers his life presents?
She does not need to speak, but she wishes she could. Instead her eyes close and her head tilts down. She moves to rest her head against his chest, shifting slightly so her body aligns with his. If he wishes to converse she will do her best to answer him in what ways she can. There is no doubt in her mind that sleep will not come easy to her. ]
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If that's the case, then this is just another example of how he brings everyone around him down.
Of course, he doesn't plan on letting her go; he wants nothing more than to be with her and be near her. But what started out as a sinking feeling in the back of his mind has increased to a thought that he's only bringing trouble and unhappiness to the lives of his friends.
Her life might be dangerous, and she might have no shortage of political enemies, but has he brought any safety or security to her life since their paths crossed? Hardly.
This time, he lowers his head just slightly so that his eyes are hidden, perhaps not as effectively as all the times she used her long hair to her advantage, but the effect is similar. ]
If you need to rest, I'll be right here. [ He speaks quietly, his tone having dropped a few notches, as those swirling clouds of guilt and regret threaten to pull him down once more. ] I won't- [ He hears his voice falter, but he pushes forward once again. ] I won't leave you.
[ At least, not yet. The urge to return to his soul room and remain there is strong, but he's given her his word and he means to hold to it. ]
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Lunafreya has always known her happiness would be conditional. The traumatic loss of her mother and subsequent drifting apart between her brother and her merely proved that. It was why she had decided that fulfilling the calling she was born for would be all that her life amounted to. If she ever did manage to find the person that would grant her own... her duty comes first. She doubts that even Atem would wish to travel with her to the corners of the world if he could. His place is besides Yugi and his friends. She is merely a visitor in that life, no matter how she yearns to be more. Not that the notion of being at his side has ever once equated to more than her station. How could she be his queen, let alone anything more than what or who she is?
The tone of his voice is one that she knows well. No. She will not have him sink into despair and helplessness simply because she feels at a crossroads. He has come too far to simply fall again. He has said numerous times this night that he will not leave her... and she will not leave him to the depths of darkness that still cling to him.
Lunafreya tilts her head back to look up at him once more. His own head is lowered enough that her motion requires little effort to perform. One hand rest on the side of his face as she leans forward to kiss him.
How long has it been since she has? At the moment it seems neigh impossible to remember. It hardly stops her. She pushes her state of health to the side. She needs and wants him there with her. If it means that she must push past her own worries and struggles to keep him there? Then she will.
She knows very well me might physically be present, but his mind will find ways to wander and entrap him. She wishes him to be there in his entirety - as much as he can be. He no doubt must feel incomplete without his memories of who he was and what he did in his reign. Nothing she nor Yugi can do will fill that hole that must be there. Instead, this is al she can think to do. ]
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As far as he can tell, he has no right to display anything but strength, when she's been knocked down so thoroughly, and yet those tendrils of darkness are beginning to wind themselves around him once more, and his attempts to drive them back are largely failing.
In comparison to everything that Lunafreya's been through, he knows he has no business feeling as lost as he does. If anyone deserves to find happiness, it's the woman lying beside him. He's already expressed similar sentiments, but his time has all but passed, so by rights, he really doesn't deserve much of anything. Of course, nearly everyone he knows would vehemently disagree, but despite the protests he's already heard along those lines, his opinion hasn't altered very much.
Even as she tilts her head to look at him, he feels his shoulders begin to shake with emotions that threaten to burst out, even though the only one who should be feeling overwhelmed here is her. He feels the sting of tears that he refuses to let fall forming at the corners of his eyes, but before he can do anything further, he realizes Lunafreya's lips are pressed against his in a kiss.
For just a moment, he freezes, wanting to just drown in the sensation of her lips on his, but that shame boils back up to the surface and he berates himself yet again. He shouldn't be letting her comfort him, when she's the one in a more desperate condition. Whatever demons he's wrestling with pale in comparison to the trial she's currently enmeshed in. But even as he lashes out at himself in judgment, he can't bring himself to pull away from her kiss.
He tells himself that it's selfish and wrong, and she might notice the shaking in his shoulders increasing as he wrestles with himself about what he wants and what he should do.
Pulling away and insisting that he take care of her is what should be done; but the part of him that he judges as wholly selfish just wants to remain here with their lips pressed together, pouring their emotions into each other in one simple gesture.
He lets another minute pass, and then another, but finally, he pulls back just a fraction. ]
Luna- [ I'm failing you again. He doesn't speak that thought aloud, but she might notice the look of shame in his eyes. ] I should be trying to reassure you, not the other way around.
[ He knows that stating that won't do any good, because it's actions that matter, not words, but he's finding himself frozen, unable to move anywhere at all. This will have to stop, if only he can summon the will to act. ]
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There must exist a medium between what they should and what they wish for.
The other hand that trembles raises to rest on the other side of his face. Perhaps how they have decided to move forward has not been the wisest. If they both contort themselves in such ways, then, it must not be the correct method for achieving what they both desire for themselves and for Yugi. While she doubts they will change their mind on their decision? They must find another way to achieve it. Otherwise, they will continue to hurt themselves.
Lunafreya leans forward and gently brushes her nose to his at his statement. Failing her? He has done no such thing. Once his attention is focused on her, she leans in again to rest her forehead to his. Her thumbs brush along his cheeks as she quietly ignores how her own have been stained with tears.
What is it you desire, my love? Tell me. Hold nothing back. Say everything that weighs your heart down. I will find a way to tell you all that burdens mine.
Her fingers move to his blond bangs, threading the hair between each one. ]
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The only thing that he feels he has the right to wish for is for Lunafreya to be restored to how she should be: with her voice returned and her wellbeing intact. He believes that she still has a place in this world, whether as the Oracle or simply as herself, and as such, he only wants to see her doing well and being healthy. He would wish for every barrier between them to be torn down so that he could finally be with her without anything keeping them apart, but even wishing for that feels selfish.
No, all he wants is for her to be well. His own desires and wishes should come second to that. Never mind that denying what he truly wants and yearns for is only causing more wounds to form on his heart. He won't be admitting that to anyone, but knowing Lunafreya, she probably already knows that, because her own heart must surely carry similar, if not the same, injuries.
With their foreheads resting together, he allows his eyes to close, taking in the feel of her thumbs brushing against his cheeks.
She can't speak, but somehow, her wordless request reaches him anyway. Perhaps it's because they've become so close that they don't really need words to communicate. He's never really been good with words anyway, not in the day to day. In duels, he can call out commands and respond to his opponents, and when he's a spectator, calling out encouragement to his friends is equally easy.
But speaking about himself and what he wants or needs? He has to admit that he doesn't know how to do that. But she's still there seemingly waiting for an answer, and he honestly doesn't know what he ought to say.
As her fingers twine through his hair, something he didn't intend to give voice to bursts out of him before he can stop it: ]
I want to help you get better. [ He's said as much already, and he's said why he feels that way, but he still can't shake off the idea that it's his fault she's in the state that she is. ]
It's because of me that this happened, and now I have to fix it. [ Maybe that's not all that's weighing on him, but it's a large part of it. And he knows he won't be able to fully rest (or get what little rest he usually does) until he's figured out how to reverse what's been done. ]
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He had something else he desired at one point. Something beyond Yugi's happiness and her health. Does he still want it? She will not push past any barriers or bring them closer until she knows one way or another.
She nods to what he does say. He has expressed as much through out the night. There are no intentions of sending him away or refusing his aid. If he wishes to speak to her ancestors on her behalf - should he need to - then she will not stand in his way. Even if this is far from his own doing. She would have had to contend with Dartz and his forces on her own if she had never met them. Perhaps she may not have been drained magically, but, there is no guarantee that she would have lived through the onslaught the ancient king brought on the world. While her current state grips her with fear? It is far better than possibly dying alone. This is not something she chooses to share at the moment, namely due to her voiceless state.
Instead, she titls her head enough to be able to brush her lips to his cheek. As with anything she does, she is gentle with the motion. He has never been a frail individual even if he has felt that way and does not need to be handled as such. Lunafreya has simply learned that the gentler ways are ones he responds to. Perhaps it is because the life he cannot remember had been harsh with little comfort to be found.
She cannot speak the name he once gave her, but she is certain he can sense it even with his eyes closed. Her other hand slips to cradle the back of his head with her fingers weaving between his spiked hair. He will no doubt insist he should be the one comforting her... but can he while they are so distant?
Yami. Tell me. ]
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im so sorry, this tag is a monster.. ;_;
<3 monster tags are what we do best
*DEEP BREATH* aight here we go
alright taking a stab at this
mobile it is, your 502 errors shall not stop me, dw!
nothing shall stop us >:(
>:( no errors, no fear of long tags, we shall PRESS ON
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**aggressively writes this on lunch whatever >>**
wraps this up for the next one :3