Lᴜɴᴀꜰʀᴇʏᴀ Nᴏx Fʟᴇᴜʀᴇᴛ. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
guidingmoonlight) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2021-07-16 01:48 am
guidingmoonlight) wrote in synthneon2021-07-16 01:48 am
Entry tags:
YGO PSL | ❝ i am not lying, i am just trying to find my way in to you. ❞
( continued from yonder! )
[ Her other hand raises and gestures to the bed behind him. It had been a set of normal circumstances in getting ready to rest for the night. Even down to the fact she was dressed for bed. Unspoken, of course is how she misses his presence. It hardly matters in their current circumstances -- or at all. Pinning for one does none of them any good. Priorities and needs will always shift, and, Lunafreya has always believed those come before wants and desires.
Although she has been known to be young and naive in such ways.
Lunafreya shifts her gaze back to him in order to answer his next question. "Answer" that is. He has been able to understand her thus far at least.
Then, a change in the air.
Yugi appears beside Atem. He looks between Lunafreya and his partner. ]
Other Me? What's going on?
[ Lunafreya glances at the space where she feels the shift in the air. She turns back to surveying the room with one hand remaining on his shoulder to help her stay upright. A hand raises out beside her in order to try and summon her Trident. That, as it turns out, was the wrong decision to make. Her arm starts to shake as it feels sharp pricks make its way up her skin.
A soundless gasp leaves her at the sudden pain. In a sweeping moment, she crumbles back down to the ground where she had once stood.
Yugi's attention snaps to her as it sinks in that they're in her room. ]
Luna?!
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'All right. And I won't hesitate to let you know if something should happen.' He's well aware that Yugi cares a lot about Lunafreya too, so should something change overnight, or if either of them need something, he'll keep him updated. But he won't disturb his sleep needlessly.
'Good night, Yugi. And thank you.' It occurs to him then that maybe he doesn't thank his partner enough. He's always been so supportive and helpful when things are hard, and of course Atem appreciates him far more than words can say. But still, it just feels right to say those words aloud.
Once it's just himself and Lunafreya, and Pryna curled up on the couch, he turns his attention back to her. What should he do now? Should he move both of them back over to the bed and place her in it while he stays nearby, keeping watch?
Perhaps he should simply ask her what she wishes to do, even if she won't be able to voice a reply. ]
Luna, are you ready to sleep now? [ He knows that she needs rest, but he wants to give her the option of deciding. ]
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Lunafreya shifts as he addresses her. She is vaguely aware that Gentiana and Yugi have left them, but she has done her utmost to pull her emotions back into herself. Even if she would lay her heart out if Atem asked it of her? She knows that he might need to leave at a moments notice if Yugi needed something. As such, she attempts to contain everything once again and pull herself from him.
No, she is not ready to sleep or rest. She doubts she will find either. It is something she knows she needs, and she is certain Atem would insist on it. Just as she had for him. Her head remains lowered with her bangs covering her eyes as she moves her hands from his back to his shoulders as an aid to help herself back up. Her body aches and her legs shake at the movement, but she pushes herself to walk the few steps to the bed regardless. Then, she eases herself down onto it and removes the black shawl that matches her nightgown.
There she remain sitting where the bed covers have been pulled down. After a moment, her hands move out towards him. She gently take the Puzzle that hangs around his neck into her hands and looks it over. Her fingers trace the carved details of where the pieces fit together. There has always been a reverence to mystical item merely by what it is and can do. However, she is very much aware it is what keeps the soul she loves bound to the mortal world. Something that she is grateful for, but also must wonder if it means that his time with them is limited.
Lunafreya gently raises the Puzzle and places a kiss to it. She is aware it might seem odd, but, it is her way of trying to communicate she loves him regardless of his state of being. Within Yugi's body or not. ]
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When she pulls herself up and begins moving over to the bed, he's quick to follow along after her in case she should lose her balance or in case she simply needs a hand to hold onto while she moves. Even if sleep never comes to her, at least she can lie down, and if she'll allow him to, he'll lie down beside her. That way, he can keep an eye on her and be close to her if she should need anything from him or so he can call Gentiana if something comes up.
When she reaches for the Puzzle, he holds still, not entirely certain what she intends to do; he watches as her fingers trace along the details of the Puzzle and its pieces, and as he does so, he wonders what she might be thinking.
But then she places a kiss on the surface of the Puzzle, and that action makes him smile just a little. He reaches for one of her hands then and he plants a kiss of his own on top of it. ]
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A form of her usual small smile touches her face at his kiss. She has no idea if the meaning of her action made it through their metaphoric communication barrier. All she can do is hope that he has learned her small notions and the body language that accompanies it all. Despite Gentiana's assurances? She is not entirely sure that she will recover any of her magical energy, let alone her voice. Now she cannot help but wonder if that is for the best.
Perhaps the world has no more use of the Oracle. Although she imagines that Atem would argue against such an idea.
Lunafreya lets the Puzzle return to its normal resting place. Then, her hands raise to invite him to bed with her. A familiar gesture from their time fighting Dartz and his god. ]
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And, well, if he had any lingering doubts that she loved him, those have all but left now. And more importantly, he loves her and if he could reverse whatever's been done to her, he would. As far as he's concerned, the world still needs Oracles, and by extension her, but at the same time, it seems to him that her being the Oracle puts her in danger, and he finds that unacceptable.
For now, though, they're together and they're as safe as it's possible to be, so he simply moves to get into the bed with her so that they can lie down together. And once they're both settled, he says: ]
I'll find a way to reverse this, no matter how long it takes.
[ He'll make a pest of himself to Gentiana if he has to, but there must be something that they can do. ]
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The tremor in her arm remains even though it has lessened. It presents a struggle to maneuver her person once he joins her in her bed. Yet, she finds a way to lower herself without pressing her weight on it. Then, she stares down at the sheets and blankets until he has settled himself. The urge to reach out and curl into his arms is nearly overwhelming. She does not move and instead waits to see what he might want to do. What she would want steps over the metaphoric line she has drawn for herself... and she will not cross it unless invited or told to.
Her eyebrows turn up slightly at his statement before raising his gaze to his. The question is quite obvious on her face: What if it is irreversible?
Gentiana has said that it requires rest and possibly re-connection of a spiritual level. Truthfully? She is not sure she can bring herself to do such a thing. If she must re-connect with an Oracle who came before her, and they find her to have failed by letting herself fall into the state she is...
What if her own mother is the one that steps forth? What if she has not only has become a failure to her lineage, but as a daughter? She knows it is a possiblity no mater what Atem, Gentiana, or Yugi might think. ]
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What he wants to do completely disregards any lines, visible or invisible, and without even the slightest hesitation, he gently places an arm around her and carefully pulls her in close, hoping he doesn't cause her any further discomfort in the process. Once she's beside him, he leans in so that their noses are touching, eyes staring into hers.
He can see the question in her eyes, and he has only one answer for it: ] I'll find a way to fix it. It can't be irreversible; I won't accept that.
[ And he might not be able to read her thoughts, but he's also thinking back to what Gentiana said. ]
If it turns out that you must meet with the Oracles from the past, and you find yourself uncertain how to approach them-
[ He knows this may not work; he might not even be able to see the Oracles, or they may not allow themselves to be seen by him. But Gentiana can see him when he's not in physical form, and so can Pryna and Umbra, so perhaps the same ideas will apply. ]
I'll speak to them for you. [ It might seem presumptuous, but he'll be her voice if she'll allow him to. ]
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Regardless of the rolling thoughts in her mind, she follows his directions. She lays closer to him, forehead and nose pressed to his, but her gaze breaking from his. She cannot help but feel ashamed for her display. Great lengths are always taken to hide her moments of weakness. This small band of duelists and friends rely on her to be the Oracle and their friend - they need not see her at her lowest.Atem does not need to see it. He and Yugi are the ones that rely on her the most, yet she has utterly fallen to pieces within the last hour and some. That cannot continue. Even if it makes that she must bury her emotions and sort them out once they leave for Japan.
Dealing with her emotions, her past, her baggage, was not her intent at bringing them to England. There were things she wished them to see. A new place in the world to enjoy and spend the upcoming holidays without the threat of impending doom. She is aware the cultural differences, but, thought that maybe seeing how her people celebrated the festive season might help them. Especially Anzu, if she truly is to go to America after high school. Of course... there is one place in particular she wishes to take Atem. She had resolved on her own to do what she might to find information on the time that he reigned. If nothing else, context could be given, and perhaps he might find answers to the sort of king he was.
None of this, however, can be done in her current state. Which means she must recover enough to do so. If she does truly remain in England... then at the least it will be parting gifts to all of them.
Her gaze only flickers back to him at his statement of resolution. She would communicate that it is hardly necessary, but, she knows the tone in his voice. He has made his decision. Any sign of conviction needs her full support until he can stand without doubt in himself any longer. If he so wishes to speak to her ancestors - should she even need to - then it will be done.
She raises her hand and gently places it on his chest. Her heart tells her to bridge what gap remains and lay as they once had in their time in America. She knows it is what she wants, but, she cannot act upon it. Exhaustion, fear, respect of his wishes, the reason truly does not matter at the moment. She will continue to carry on as she has.
Instead, she raises her shame filled gaze back to him. Has he explained their arrangement to his partner? ]
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That's the last thing he wants to have resurface now, but the thoughts are insidious and they're still swirling around his mind even as he tries to be strong and supportive for her.
He feels as though he has to be careful with what he says, because saying the wrong thing might only add to the pressure she's already carrying, but he wants her to know that he's with her every step of the way, and he won't be leaving her for anything in the world. ]
Luna, I- [ He's still debating with himself about whether or not he should say what's on his mind. ] I want to hear your voice again, but what I don't want...
[ Part of him still feels like he's walking a very thin line, and saying the wrong thing could send her spiraling down even further. Now he can imagine how she must have felt when their roles were reversed. ]
I don't want you feeling like you have to do anything before you're ready. You have time, as much time as you need.
[ He's just realized that there really is no time limit for this current situation. Unlike the time crunch they were under when he was rendered almost incapacitated, he doesn't see any such deadline in front of them now. ]
If you need more time to rest before you decide on an action, you should.
[ And if Gentiana or anyone else tries to contradict that, then Atem has no problems asking them to wait. The last thing he wants is to lose Lunafreya somehow, either because she pushed herself to act before she was ready, or because the pressure she's placed on herself becomes too much. Either way, the outcome is equally undesirable.
And as for this moment right in front of them, if she can't will herself to bridge the gap between them as they once did, then he'll do it for her. He moves carefully, trying to be mindful of her and her needs, but he closes that gap between them so there's no longer anything separating them.
He can't stand that look in her eyes, but he believes he understands what she's feeling, and so he tries to be as comforting as he can, reaching for a lock of her hair first, and then moving so his hand rests lightly against the back of her head.
Perhaps if he just remains with her, she'll feel safe enough to fall asleep, or simply tired enough. He hopes that if she does, she'll manage to rest, but he knows how hard it can be to sleep when one's feelings are all turned upside down.
Still, he's going to stay right here with her. ]
Is there anything that you need? [ If so, he'll move mountains to get it, whatever it might be. ]
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Does she have time? Not as much as she might need if she is to have them enjoy the reasons why she has brought them to England. Especially him. Her gaze simply softens at his statement. A bittersweet expression takes to her face then as a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. They may not be pressed as they once were for fighting Dartz and his god. Yet, the more time she takes is less time to be with all of them. He insists that he'll be here with her through all of this ordeal. Is that truly possible? What of Yugi and his friends? They are all guests in her home. She cannot very well ignore them or ask them to wait as she recovers when she should have already done so.
The holidays are different for her culture than Yugi and Atem's adopted one. She intends to have them experience them as a way to help bring their group of friends back together and made whole again. She is a healer above all else, and not all wounds can be healed with magic or rest.
Her eyes close at the feeling of his fingers in her hair. The small motion has always brought her comfort, but perhaps now he might see how much it eases her spirits. As if it were habit, Lunafreya gently nudges his cheek with her nose in return. He always seems to find a way to bring the affectionate side of her to the surface. Even when it was merely a gentle poke to the back of his head, or now when she feels as if she has failed in her duty and calling.
The trembling in her body eases slightly once she realizes that he has brought them as close together as he can. She instinctively leans her body into his, as if they have already spent a lifetime doing so. Her hands, one still shaking, slowly slip under his shirt. They hesitantly rest on his back. The small motion is her way of bringing them together again, but, she cannot help the thoughts of fear that cause her head to lower slightly. What if this is too far? Will he tell her that what she needs, in this moment, is too much to ask for?
What does she need?
Him.
The Other Yugi, the Namless Pharaoh, the Spirit of the Millennium Puzzle, her king, Yami. Whatever name or identity he wishes to give himself. They are all parts of him as far as she is concerned and he is what she needs. His strength, his convictions, and the love he seems so readily to give if she will simply meet him at the barrier they've placed between them.
He told her that as long as he remains on this Earth she has a place with them. Then, why, does she feel she does not? She does she place more space between herself and that barrier? She needs him and yet feels she cannot even reach out to him to take his hand. She feels she cannot even ask to be at his side when that is the one thing her heart truly desires most.
Why is she so terrified that he might finally dismiss her when he has only done the opposite?
Lunafreya forces her gaze back to his. How can she express it so he might understand the answer to his question? Him, with all that he might be and may have hidden. Despite how uneven she feels in her own convictions, she tries to speak. Not only because he wishes to hear her voice. She wishes to use hers to answer him properly. Yet, no sound comes from her voice, and she feels as if those dark fingers curl around her neck again. They choke her answer that tries so desperately to leave her. ]
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That's why it's so hard to reconcile those feelings with the other ones that he's been wrestling with: that he isn't doing enough to repay her for everything she's given to him, and that it isn't fair of him to saddle her with someone who doesn't even fully belong in this world. But to do what his head is telling him to, namely pulling himself away because she should be in love with someone real, feels all but impossible. It's selfish, but he just can't bring himself to let her go.
They may not have very much time, but whatever time they do have here, he wants to spend every minute possible with her. But anything like going to the museum or visiting other attractions will have to wait until he's found a way to fix what's been done to her. His resolve to do so hasn't wavered; the only thing that's leaving him uncertain is the fact that he simply doesn't know how to make her better.
He can be here with her, holding and comforting her, but that won't bring her voice back, will it? If Gentiana's words can be believed, and he has no reason to doubt them, it just won't be enough.
He should be striving to find a way to set things right again, but all he wants right now is her. If she wants him, then he wants her too, and it's that desire that drives him to hold onto her gently but fiercely at the same time. If he ever had a queen in his past life, he doesn't know; but in this current life, such as it is, she's the closest thing to a queen, his queen, that he has. He wishes to keep her by his side for as long as she wants to be there. And if she ever wants to leave, then of course he'll let her go, because he only wants what's best for her, and he can't pretend that he believes keeping her with him is the best thing for her.
His life is dangerous; the encounters with Dartz have only proved that. And even if it wasn't, he can't even give her all of him and his time, because at the end of the day, he's only a ghost borrowing the form of another.
So for now, he's just going to hold onto her, but the thought is always in the back of his mind that one day, he may have to say goodbye. ]
It's all right, Luna. [ He sees the look in her eyes and he can't stand to see that. ] You don't have to speak. [ Or to force herself to. He can't imagine that that'll be good for her recovery either.
So with that in mind, he just tightens his hold on her until he's giving her the warmest embrace he can manage. ]
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She would ask that he does not let her go. In this moment, or metaphorically. Though, she is aware that it is highly unrealistic. Regardless of the position his state of existence? He may decide that their relationship is simply a burden or no longer worth his time. He may get tired of waiting for her as she travels to do her duty not only as Oracle, but as nobility as well. It may put too much a strain on his and Yugi's relationship. They both agreed that Yugi's life and needs came first, as such, Lunafreya places the relationship between the two souls first as well.
Her life is dangerous with or without his influence. The nature of her mother's death should show that alone. She faces political dangers at every twist and turns, regardless of her being the Oracle. Her family is a joining of two ancient nobility that still holds influence across Europe. Then, why would she worry of what dangers his life presents?
She does not need to speak, but she wishes she could. Instead her eyes close and her head tilts down. She moves to rest her head against his chest, shifting slightly so her body aligns with his. If he wishes to converse she will do her best to answer him in what ways she can. There is no doubt in her mind that sleep will not come easy to her. ]
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If that's the case, then this is just another example of how he brings everyone around him down.
Of course, he doesn't plan on letting her go; he wants nothing more than to be with her and be near her. But what started out as a sinking feeling in the back of his mind has increased to a thought that he's only bringing trouble and unhappiness to the lives of his friends.
Her life might be dangerous, and she might have no shortage of political enemies, but has he brought any safety or security to her life since their paths crossed? Hardly.
This time, he lowers his head just slightly so that his eyes are hidden, perhaps not as effectively as all the times she used her long hair to her advantage, but the effect is similar. ]
If you need to rest, I'll be right here. [ He speaks quietly, his tone having dropped a few notches, as those swirling clouds of guilt and regret threaten to pull him down once more. ] I won't- [ He hears his voice falter, but he pushes forward once again. ] I won't leave you.
[ At least, not yet. The urge to return to his soul room and remain there is strong, but he's given her his word and he means to hold to it. ]
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Lunafreya has always known her happiness would be conditional. The traumatic loss of her mother and subsequent drifting apart between her brother and her merely proved that. It was why she had decided that fulfilling the calling she was born for would be all that her life amounted to. If she ever did manage to find the person that would grant her own... her duty comes first. She doubts that even Atem would wish to travel with her to the corners of the world if he could. His place is besides Yugi and his friends. She is merely a visitor in that life, no matter how she yearns to be more. Not that the notion of being at his side has ever once equated to more than her station. How could she be his queen, let alone anything more than what or who she is?
The tone of his voice is one that she knows well. No. She will not have him sink into despair and helplessness simply because she feels at a crossroads. He has come too far to simply fall again. He has said numerous times this night that he will not leave her... and she will not leave him to the depths of darkness that still cling to him.
Lunafreya tilts her head back to look up at him once more. His own head is lowered enough that her motion requires little effort to perform. One hand rest on the side of his face as she leans forward to kiss him.
How long has it been since she has? At the moment it seems neigh impossible to remember. It hardly stops her. She pushes her state of health to the side. She needs and wants him there with her. If it means that she must push past her own worries and struggles to keep him there? Then she will.
She knows very well me might physically be present, but his mind will find ways to wander and entrap him. She wishes him to be there in his entirety - as much as he can be. He no doubt must feel incomplete without his memories of who he was and what he did in his reign. Nothing she nor Yugi can do will fill that hole that must be there. Instead, this is al she can think to do. ]
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As far as he can tell, he has no right to display anything but strength, when she's been knocked down so thoroughly, and yet those tendrils of darkness are beginning to wind themselves around him once more, and his attempts to drive them back are largely failing.
In comparison to everything that Lunafreya's been through, he knows he has no business feeling as lost as he does. If anyone deserves to find happiness, it's the woman lying beside him. He's already expressed similar sentiments, but his time has all but passed, so by rights, he really doesn't deserve much of anything. Of course, nearly everyone he knows would vehemently disagree, but despite the protests he's already heard along those lines, his opinion hasn't altered very much.
Even as she tilts her head to look at him, he feels his shoulders begin to shake with emotions that threaten to burst out, even though the only one who should be feeling overwhelmed here is her. He feels the sting of tears that he refuses to let fall forming at the corners of his eyes, but before he can do anything further, he realizes Lunafreya's lips are pressed against his in a kiss.
For just a moment, he freezes, wanting to just drown in the sensation of her lips on his, but that shame boils back up to the surface and he berates himself yet again. He shouldn't be letting her comfort him, when she's the one in a more desperate condition. Whatever demons he's wrestling with pale in comparison to the trial she's currently enmeshed in. But even as he lashes out at himself in judgment, he can't bring himself to pull away from her kiss.
He tells himself that it's selfish and wrong, and she might notice the shaking in his shoulders increasing as he wrestles with himself about what he wants and what he should do.
Pulling away and insisting that he take care of her is what should be done; but the part of him that he judges as wholly selfish just wants to remain here with their lips pressed together, pouring their emotions into each other in one simple gesture.
He lets another minute pass, and then another, but finally, he pulls back just a fraction. ]
Luna- [ I'm failing you again. He doesn't speak that thought aloud, but she might notice the look of shame in his eyes. ] I should be trying to reassure you, not the other way around.
[ He knows that stating that won't do any good, because it's actions that matter, not words, but he's finding himself frozen, unable to move anywhere at all. This will have to stop, if only he can summon the will to act. ]
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There must exist a medium between what they should and what they wish for.
The other hand that trembles raises to rest on the other side of his face. Perhaps how they have decided to move forward has not been the wisest. If they both contort themselves in such ways, then, it must not be the correct method for achieving what they both desire for themselves and for Yugi. While she doubts they will change their mind on their decision? They must find another way to achieve it. Otherwise, they will continue to hurt themselves.
Lunafreya leans forward and gently brushes her nose to his at his statement. Failing her? He has done no such thing. Once his attention is focused on her, she leans in again to rest her forehead to his. Her thumbs brush along his cheeks as she quietly ignores how her own have been stained with tears.
What is it you desire, my love? Tell me. Hold nothing back. Say everything that weighs your heart down. I will find a way to tell you all that burdens mine.
Her fingers move to his blond bangs, threading the hair between each one. ]
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The only thing that he feels he has the right to wish for is for Lunafreya to be restored to how she should be: with her voice returned and her wellbeing intact. He believes that she still has a place in this world, whether as the Oracle or simply as herself, and as such, he only wants to see her doing well and being healthy. He would wish for every barrier between them to be torn down so that he could finally be with her without anything keeping them apart, but even wishing for that feels selfish.
No, all he wants is for her to be well. His own desires and wishes should come second to that. Never mind that denying what he truly wants and yearns for is only causing more wounds to form on his heart. He won't be admitting that to anyone, but knowing Lunafreya, she probably already knows that, because her own heart must surely carry similar, if not the same, injuries.
With their foreheads resting together, he allows his eyes to close, taking in the feel of her thumbs brushing against his cheeks.
She can't speak, but somehow, her wordless request reaches him anyway. Perhaps it's because they've become so close that they don't really need words to communicate. He's never really been good with words anyway, not in the day to day. In duels, he can call out commands and respond to his opponents, and when he's a spectator, calling out encouragement to his friends is equally easy.
But speaking about himself and what he wants or needs? He has to admit that he doesn't know how to do that. But she's still there seemingly waiting for an answer, and he honestly doesn't know what he ought to say.
As her fingers twine through his hair, something he didn't intend to give voice to bursts out of him before he can stop it: ]
I want to help you get better. [ He's said as much already, and he's said why he feels that way, but he still can't shake off the idea that it's his fault she's in the state that she is. ]
It's because of me that this happened, and now I have to fix it. [ Maybe that's not all that's weighing on him, but it's a large part of it. And he knows he won't be able to fully rest (or get what little rest he usually does) until he's figured out how to reverse what's been done. ]
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He had something else he desired at one point. Something beyond Yugi's happiness and her health. Does he still want it? She will not push past any barriers or bring them closer until she knows one way or another.
She nods to what he does say. He has expressed as much through out the night. There are no intentions of sending him away or refusing his aid. If he wishes to speak to her ancestors on her behalf - should he need to - then she will not stand in his way. Even if this is far from his own doing. She would have had to contend with Dartz and his forces on her own if she had never met them. Perhaps she may not have been drained magically, but, there is no guarantee that she would have lived through the onslaught the ancient king brought on the world. While her current state grips her with fear? It is far better than possibly dying alone. This is not something she chooses to share at the moment, namely due to her voiceless state.
Instead, she titls her head enough to be able to brush her lips to his cheek. As with anything she does, she is gentle with the motion. He has never been a frail individual even if he has felt that way and does not need to be handled as such. Lunafreya has simply learned that the gentler ways are ones he responds to. Perhaps it is because the life he cannot remember had been harsh with little comfort to be found.
She cannot speak the name he once gave her, but she is certain he can sense it even with his eyes closed. Her other hand slips to cradle the back of his head with her fingers weaving between his spiked hair. He will no doubt insist he should be the one comforting her... but can he while they are so distant?
Yami. Tell me. ]
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Part of him doesn't even know what he might want or ask for even if he allowed himself to. It's true that there was something he desired, but he's mostly forgotten what that was, mostly due to his concern for her and his wish to see her back to normal. That wish does trump nearly everything else, after all.
Another thought enters his mind then; he was a Pharaoh once, with subjects who looked to him to take care of the kingdom and by extension, to take care of them as well. He might not remember what sort of ruler he was or if he was loved or hated by the people he ruled over, but whether he remembers it or not, he feels as though it's still his responsibility to care for the people closest to him. If he can't rise up even in the face of whatever trials get thrown at him, then what use is he, after all?
Lunafreya and Gentiana might insist that none of this is his responsibility or his fault, but he still can't shake the feeling that the opposite is true. He put Yugi in harm's way, and now Lunafreya is also experiencing a trial of her own. No, if there's anything he wishes for, it's that he'll have the strength to set everything to rights and restore Lunafreya to how she's meant to be: whole and unharmed.
And truthfully, whether he'll allow himself to admit it or not, it's her soft movements and touches that he responds to the most. As long as he's able, he'll always respond to her, but part of him needs the affection that she offers. He doesn't know why that is, or what might have happened to him in the past that made him feel that way, but he can't help it.
When she places her hand against the back of his head, he unconsciously leans into her touch as the words he wants to say fight against the walls he's thrown up. It hardly seems becoming for a king to express himself so freely, but still, his feelings crash against those walls like a wave crashing on the shore.
She might feel him begin to shake once more beneath her hold as he wrestles with that feeling that he must comport himself as he thinks a pharaoh would and the desire to just tell her everything that's weighing on him. It might not be fair to her, not when she's already weighed down herself, but there are some things that just can't be held back. ]
I'm- [ Words finally come, but they're inadequate and not at all what he wants to say. ]
I can't. [ A pause. ] I'm sorry.
im so sorry, this tag is a monster.. ;_;
Being at the side of a king is not merely a notion of bliss. It takes sacrifice, patience, and understanding. Support is called for even if she is to disagree with his decision. Confidence and trust is required... even if the answers she receives leave wounds on her heart. She can see how far he is willing to let her in now. There was a brief time that she was allowed in with no barriers or walls. That time seems to have come to a close.
A nod is given to his answer and she prays he might not sense the hurt in her heart at it. Lunafreya opens her eyes, but casts her gaze downward at the bed. If he cannot bring down the walls then she must be the one to bring down hers. She had said she would share all that burdens her heart and she intends to stay true to her word regardless of his answer. Then, at the very least, he can decide how much of her he will accept. He can be the one to draw the lines. She will respect any boundaries he places up no matter the cost it causes her.
One hand leaves his face to reach for the one settled in her hair. She gently removes it, only so that she might rest it against her heart. Her fingers slide between his and find what she once considered their usual resting place between his. If this is to be the only time she can share all that burdens her, all that she desires... where does she start? There is a fear that he will reject her when he sees her without her walls, or her trappings of the Oracle, but that is an outcome she must be willing to accept.
I am afraid. Afraid that I may no longer be able to be the Oracle - even if I recover. Afraid that I will have no purpose or place in this world if so. What am I to be if not that what I was born to be? What right, claim, or request do I have to be with you and your friends if I cannot be that person?
A deep frown comes to her face then as she squeezes his hand. Tears gather at the corner of her eyes and begin to run down her cheeks.
I am afraid to be left alone in this empty house again. Yet, where else am I to be? I would not infringe more on the lives of your friends and cause more upset than there is. It is not my place to ask to see you, to speak with you, or to be at your side even if it is what I want most. When I am able must be yours and Yugi-sama's decision. Even if you had not wished for it, I would insist...
Lunafreya's eyebrows come together as her other hand retracts from his hair. It curls around the hand in her hold as if to hold onto a lifeline as tears continue to make their way down her face once again.
I love you. Perhaps I love you far too deeply. Perhaps you do not love me the same. I am aware that could be true. I miss you, maybe even more than I should or more than you are comfortable with. Maybe you do not miss me. I am aware that it is childish and naive of me, but I cannot help how I feel.
She is certain most of what comes from her heart is lost along the way. She believes their bond to be strong, but, can he truly sense all that she is trying to say without her voice? ]
<3 monster tags are what we do best
And as she begins to give wordless voice to her inner thoughts, fears, and desires, something seems to happen then. As if the Puzzle around his neck senses his own fears about what might happen if she never regains her voice. Of course, they both know that somehow, their thoughts toward each other can transcend actual speech, but when it's her voice that he misses and desperately wants to hear, that isn't solution enough.
So, unexpectedly, the Puzzle begins to glow, and oddly enough, so does the Trident, from its spot on the wall.
Atem doesn't notice at first, because he has his eyes focused on Lunafreya, as if doing so will help him hear what she's trying to say. But suddenly, his own eyes go wide, because although Lunafreya isn't speaking audibly, he can hear her voice as if she is. It isn't quite the same way that he and Yugi communicate, but nevertheless, he swears that he can hear her thoughts as she attempts to express them. It surprises him because it's the last thing that he expected to occur.
Could it be that somehow, each of their magical items registered the fact that their owners desperately wanted to speak with each other but were prevented from doing so by ordinary means? He remembers Yugi saying that the Millennium Puzzle granted his wish; could the ancient item have done the same for him?
Their hands are already joined, with her fingers laced between his, and as he listens to her, his grip on her hands tightens. Not to the point that it's uncomfortable, but he just wants to emphasize that he's right there with her and he's listening to everything she's saying.
He doesn't interrupt the flow of words coming from her, but he does disentangle one hand from hers long enough to try and wipe away some of the tears that are streaming down her cheeks.
It isn't until she stops that he finally tries to test what he thinks has just happened.
Luna? It's as he thought. It isn't quite the same as the way he and Yugi can just reach out to each other; somehow, it seems to be dependent on the presence of their respective items, as if the two have formed a connection to mirror that of their owners. But he's not about to question it too much, because he's missed the sound of her voice so much that hearing it in any way at all is more than he could have ever asked for.
I don't understand how this is happening, but I can hear every word you're saying.
It's then that he returns the hand that he moved earlier to join with hers again, and he gives her hands yet another squeeze.
As long as I'm here, you won't be left alone. And what's more, I'll find a way to bring your voice back, and to ensure that you fully recover, even if I have to search for three thousand more years. As for your purpose, you'll be our friend- our greatest friend.
He pauses then, and he adds, but for his ears only: And the person that I wish to be with for however much time we have. He'd say "forever", but he doesn't wish to give her false hope when he might not be able to make forever a reality.
And he has one more thing he wishes to make perfectly clear: I believe that I was wrong to set the terms that I did, but I didn't see just how wrong I was until now. Whenever you wish to see me, or spend time with me, all you have to do is ask. He knows that Yugi only wants them to be happy, and that even though he hasn't told Yugi exactly what it was that he and Lunafreya agreed on, he can tell that Yugi isn't happy with how the two of them have been acting.
Finally, he concludes his response with one last thing: I don't think it's possible for me not to miss you or to not love you.
And he hopes that she understands what he means when he responds that way. It's only then that he looks at her, waiting for her to look at him in return. ]
*DEEP BREATH* aight here we go
How their communication has been made possible truly matters little to Lunafreya. Magic is a part of both of them, running down to the cores of who and what they are. It would be no surprise to her that somehow each of their respective magics have woven together. Regardless of their relationship, the Trident and the Puzzle have had a shared history in the past. They may simply be reaching out through that link to speak with one another. Although, she is not certain how that could be for her. It feels as if her own magic has been silenced; a dam placed over the river that normally flows through her and is apart of everything she does. Doubtless it works the same for him, even if Atem has forgotten it and cannot recognize it as such.
She eases into his touch as his fingers brush across her cheeks. If he is starved of affection in any way, then she is as well. Ravus is distant. Gentiana, while a maternal figure, is not human and therefore cannot always provide what it is a human might need. She even leans forward to keep his touch on her face as he pulls away, only to settle slightly as he clasps her hands again in return.
Greatest friend? No, she would not put herself on such a high pedestal. She is merely one of many that help lift both himself and Yugi. They would be capable of what they can do without her as they have so many others to take the place she has. Instead, she will settle simply for being that one of many supports. Perhaps then... perhaps then she might be able to stay in Japan with them should she be unable to be the Oracle any longer.
Her fingers run along side his in a gesture that she has listened to him. His voice echoes in the back of her mind as if it were thoughts of her own. Her eyes remain closed. A fresh wave of tears finds their way down her cheeks.
I have respected your wish, my dear Pharaoh, but I would still do the same without the knowledge of it. She would still have placed herself away from them and stepped out of their path. Out of respect for his bond with Yugi as well as not wishing to cause more grief for Anzu.
It cannot be as simple as asking - can it? Lunafreya is unaccustomed to asking for anything that she may want or need outside her calling. The mere idea that all is required of her is to ask Yugi such a simple thing seems daunting. Why would he agree when it would take time away from him and his friends? Why would he be so sacrificing of his time? Yugi bares the responsibility of protecting and caring for the Puzzle and the soul within it. Surely that cannot extend to something as simple as what she wants.
Words have never suited them well when it comes to what they shield behind their barriers. She could talk for hours and never truly express how she feels. She spoke with him at length in his grief to no avail. In her mind, it is what they express through actions and touch that can truly breath through the walls they place around them. That is the reason why she does not answer him with her voice in any form.
She still remains determined to let down her walls even if he cannot do the same for her. She hopes he understands that she misses him in his entirety. Their conversations, their time together, his touch even if it still is through another. What she truly desires is for them to be as they were in America, regardless of her condition. His touch, his desires, their boundaries gone. Save the one that they will not cross out of respect for Yugi.
Can he give her that at the very least?
She closes the physical space between them once again and kisses him. This is something that only he can do for her; something that only he can give. ]
alright taking a stab at this
It's that thought, combined with the knowledge of how he's hurt her before, that leads him to continue letting his fingers travel where they may: across her face, weaving lightly through her hair, and in a rare moment of letting himself be bold, traveling down past her throat to travel to a more sensitive region where his hands finally come to a stop.
Perhaps if her magic has been silenced, he can find a way to use his own magic to restore hers. Whatever the cost, he's willing to do it.
And she truly is their greatest friend: his and Yugi's. His world would be incomplete without the two of them in it, and as such, he hopes that they remain with him for as long as they wish to. She is more than a support and a source of wisdom; she is their friend and the person he knows he's fallen in love with. Now if only giving his heart to her, fully and completely, was so easy as simply desiring to do that.
She will always have a place with them; that much, Atem remains adamant about. If she wishes to stay in Japan, he'll do his best to convince Yugi. Not that he believes it will be needed. Yugi cares for Lunafreya too, he's certain of it.
But you don't have to do that. You should have what it is you want, and no one should stop you from having it, not even me. I was wrong to ask that of you. It should be as simple as asking, and again, Atem is determined to make this that simple.
When she kisses him yet again, this time, a moan of satisfaction escapes him and he doesn't even attempt to hold it back. She is all he could ever want, and this time, he means to take this as far as both of them can and are willing to go. ]
mobile it is, your 502 errors shall not stop me, dw!
Her hands unravel from his as they begin to move across her skin, her hair, down her body. Despite her attempts of refinement, she feels herself react to his idle wandering. Her eyelids flutter as his hands come to a stop and part of her can't help but wonder why he has. She knows he hesitates and is unsure of himself. He never has to feel that way when just the two of them remain.
A sound escapes her at his moan; a broken attempt to return the sound with a voice that refuses to work as it should. She instead parts her lips to deepen the kiss. Her fingers begin to travel up his arms and shoulders. They come to a rest at the base of his head, fingertips only ever so lightly brushing into the edges of his hair.
I... Lunafreya struggles to respond. The words are there, but expressing them is so very difficult. She will not turn away from her decision to let him in no matter how hard it might be.
Even if he comes to a realization she is not worth his time any longer.
I am only... she trails off once again. Her voice in his mind seems to be more of whisper. I have little to offer other than the voice afforded to the Oracle... no titles, no land, no promise at a normal life. So little of who I am is not the Oracle... how might I ever be enough...
Lunafreya breaks their kiss only so that her eyes meet his. She stood by him not as just the Oracle, but as herself as well. Even then she took great care to hide the loneliness the girl feels. Now, it is on display for him to see. Her constant inner struggle to be that which she believes she must be, while sacrifice what she wants as her destiny demands all from her. She does not know how to reconcile both parts as her mother and her grandmother did. All she can think to do is serve those she loves and hope that it is enough for her..
Her hands move from his hair to cradle his face. With some effort, she turns so that she might lay on her back. Her hands never move even as she readjusts her position. One strap slips off her shoulder and down her arm. There is no sign of the Oracle in her expression - only Luna.
She offers whatever he may wish to have of her - if anything at all. He may turn away now that he can see her stripped of her title, her birthright, her magic. A lonely girl who fears losing everything if she does not try her utmost, but feels she could never ask for more than what is given to her.
Her fingertips brush along his cheeks. She desires all of him in every sense. Yet, she does not want him to give that simply because of her desires. He needs to desire her in whole as well. Now, he can decide that, as she lays there on her back with nothing left to hide.]
nothing shall stop us >:(
The girl beneath the Oracle is the one he's fallen in love with, and what's more, she's the one that he needs. He can't imagine a life without her in it, even though part of him still feels as though he's only hindering her and cheating her of everything she deserves, simply because he has one foot in this world and another foot in a world far removed from this one. And yet as long as he remains, he wishes to be with her. And perhaps he won't ever leave this world; as things stand now, he can't help but think that maybe that wouldn't be so bad.
As for why his hands stop before they can go too far, he wonders if this attention is what she wants. Is it even what she needs? He should be doing something to help bring her voice back, and yet he can't seem to stop his hands from wandering and straying into more intimate places. He supposes if this isn't something she wants, she'll make that known, with or without words. And also he'll do his best to be attentive to any messages that she gives off, in case this isn't something she wants.
Once again, his head dips back just slightly in response to the feel of her fingers in his hair. Even so, he manages to keep control of his voice so that he can continue to answer her properly.
You bring more than enough. You are more than enough. I don't need titles or land or even a normal life, because I don't have any of those things to offer you either. Yes, he knows that he is (or was?) a Pharaoh, but as of this precise moment, that hardly seems to be a thing worth bragging about or treating as something he can offer her.
All I need is you, Luna. I can see you here, not the Oracle, but you. It isn't the Oracle that means everything to me. He shakes his head carefully, with respect for her hands that are still resting on his face.
You're who I need, if you'll- He pauses then, hands moving to rest lightly against her shoulders as she lies there on her back, still looking up at him.
If you'll allow me to show you how much I need you, and how much I care about you.
These aren't words that he remembers ever speaking before, and to some degree, they feel foreign to his ears. And yet even as he makes his feelings known, he knows that he means every word, that nothing he's ever said up to this point has been said with more sincerity and truth behind it. He just hopes that she can find it in herself to believe him and to allow him to show her his true feelings and more. ]
>:( no errors, no fear of long tags, we shall PRESS ON
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**aggressively writes this on lunch whatever >>**
wraps this up for the next one :3