YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

[inheritedpuzzle]

RAIN

( for once a post not continued from a meme!! we just continuing this hurt/comfort train down the way to hell. )

[ It was almost strange coming back home to Japan. It wasn't as if he had gotten used to being in America or their customs (or food - the size of the portions). More of it had to do with routine and getting back to normal day-to-day life. School work, tests, helping in the game shop. There were no tournaments, no life threatening situations. Strange is the word he guesses he'd put to it all if he had to find one. Somehow he had gotten used to the duels, the stakes, the adventure. Everything else is just... mundane.

That isn't the only issue, even though he'd like to point it to being the only one.

As the days go on and life returns to normal? The reality of time just becomes more apparent to him. Each day brings graduation closer. Graduation means the next step in their lives... and that means everyone will be going their separate ways. Usually Yugi can look past that. He can enjoy the time he has with everyone, but, it must be the combination of everything this particularly rainy autumn day. Graduation, what he'll do after school, and what he should do as the keeper of the Millennium Puzzle versus what he wants.

Autumn... graduation is in March. He'll be nineteen afterwards. It'll have been three years since he solved the Millennium Puzzle and woke the spirit that resides in it. Only three years. It feels like a lifetime, but, one he's glad to have had. A lifetime that he can't help but feel is going to be ending sooner rather than later despite what everyone around him says.

He knows everyone has noticed how quiet he has been the last few days. Atem still has been rather distant from everyone since they arrived back home. Yugi has decided not to bother his other self with what is going on in his head. Oh, he's sure Atem has sensed it and has even figured it out, but, he's still contending with his own issues left over from Dartz. Yugi doesn't plan to complicate that more with his own emotional battles. He'll have to rely on just himself if Atem ever leaves anyways...

Yugi steps into the entrance way of the school to grab his shoes. That is when he notices Anzu standing outside underneath the cover of the entryway. He looks down - making sure that she doesn't notice him - before trying to make the mental leaps on how to avoid her inevitable questions if he has been alright. He doesn't want to think about it. As far as he can tell, she has chosen which one of the two she likes, and he can't blame her for that. He knows she isn't going to take I'm fine as an answer too much longer. He doesn't want to think about how she'll be leaving shortly after graduation to study abroad - just like she has always wanted to.

Everyone has someplace and somewhere they plan to go but him. Even his other self has a destined path that moves him forward. Maybe all Yugi is meant to do is make sure each of them go where they're supposed to go. That might be his role in all of it. What is the point of all of it then? He finally makes the friends he wants and then has to see them all leave him behind?

He sighs and pushes down his frustration. It'll just bring more unwanted attention to himself. Especially from the spirit of the Pharaoh who is most likely worried but hasn't addressed it all.

Yugi closes the locker door and stares at the ground for a moment. With a sidelong glance at Anzu outside, he turns his back to the front doors. He supposes what he is about to ask is highly uncharacteristic, but, he's probably entitled to some alone time in his own soul room after everything.

'Other Me?' He gently calls out in their shared link. Part of him hates to ask this because it must seem spineless to a person that commanded armies and controlled a kingdom. 'Can you do me a favor?' ]

Comments

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ He nods. It doesn't feel like he can go to any of his friends at the moment. They'd reassure him that their bonds won't be broken and that they'd always be friends. Yugi doesn't doubt any of that. In fact, he very much believes it. He just feels the point he'd try to make is what is ultimately missed. That's why he hasn't mentioned it to any of them. His other self might be the only person that really understands.

'I don't want to talk about it here.'

It's too easy for any of their friends to walk up and interrupt them. As it is, he knows Anzu is still standing outside underneath the entrance watching the rain fall. Out of anyone? She is the one he wants to avoid the most right now. Not because he is angry at her or jealous that her romantic feelings are to someone else. He just knows that he can't put up the happy face that she's used to seeing. There's no need to burden her with his insecurities more than he already has.

Yugi quickly glances towards the entrance. He doesn't point out Anzu standing there waiting, but more the fact it's raining. Just so it doesn't catch the spirit by surprise. Then, he closes his eyes and steps back so Atem can take control. He doesn't hover as a ghostly visage. Instead, he immediately retreats into his own soul room. The door closes behind him. He knows that once they're home that Atem will come literally knock on that very door. Which means he needs to find some sort of resolution to his own brewing thoughts before then. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem can understand that feeling. It was how he felt when he'd lost Yugi. Of course, their friends wanted to help, and they wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling, but speaking to them was more than he could handle at the time. Of course, the circumstances are a little different, but if Atem knew that's what Yugi was thinking, he would definitely understand. ]

All right, then we'll talk about it later.

[ The last thing he intends to do is push Yugi into doing something he's not interested in or ready for. He hasn't yet realized that Anzu is standing close by, but he can tell from the way Yugi glances away, looking towards the entrance, that there's someone he's trying to avoid. The question is, why? It's Yugi's business, of course, but Atem would still like to find out what's bothering his friend so much.

When they finally make the switch and Yugi retreats into the soul room, Atem's expression shifts into one of concern. But Yugi's already gone, which clearly means he wants to be alone, so for the moment, Atem intends to respect that.

He turns to leave, passing through the entrance, and that's when he finally notices Anzu standing there. For just a second, he hesitates, because a little bit of Yugi's feelings came through to him, and now he wonders if maybe Yugi's having difficulty accepting that soon, he and his friends will all go their separate ways. Of course Yugi will miss Joey and Tristan, but what about Anzu? He's aware that Anzu has feelings for both of them, to varying degrees, but he's not certain how or what Anzu really feels for Yugi.

Of course, what he would like to see is Yugi and Anzu finally getting together, but Yugi's always protested that there's no point, because Anzu doesn't see him that way. Atem's hesitation continues as he debates with himself about whether or not he should approach Anzu and make another appeal to getting her to agree to spend time with Yugi, and not only as friends but on an actual date.

He can see Anzu starting to turn as though she's realized that he's standing there, and ordinarily, he would stay and talk with her, but his concern for Yugi trumps his desire to see the two of them come together. It's quick, but he ducks behind the nearest column and attempts sneaking away.

Luckily, Anzu doesn't approach, so Atem's able to make his escape. It takes him a few more minutes to finish the journey back to Yugi's house, and once there, he goes straight up to their room. Fortunately, Solomon isn't anywhere present, probably in a back room somewhere, so his arrival also goes unnoticed.

Once he's settled, he doesn't waste time joining Yugi inside the Puzzle, intending to knock on the door to his soul room. ]

Yugi, could I come in for just a moment?

[ If he's rebuffed, he'll withdraw, but only temporarily. They have to talk, and he'd rather not put this off for too long. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Anzu turns in time to see who she believes is Yugi darting off. She calls out to him, but stops as he continues to run ahead. A few moments pass as she remains standing underneath the entry to the school with her umbrella in her hands. It's only once she has started walking the way home that she pulls her phone out and hovers over Yugi's name in her phone. Come on, Anzu. This isn't the time to chicken out!

Yugi's phone lights up the moment Atem steps into their room: ]
( ´ ▽ ` )/
Things have been hard on all of us since we went to America.
How about we hang out on Sunday?

[ Then, a moment later, another message: ]
I know there are probably others you'd rather talk to about what is bothering you.
But, just remember I'm here for you too (つ・▽・)つ

[ Yugi, himself, looks up from the bed in his soul room at the knock. There is a part of him that just wants to curl up and ignore everything until he has found his answers. He knows that is pointless and a futile endeavor. Atem would only put up with it for so long, and eventually, the rest of his friends will corner him as well.

It takes a few moments, but the younger soul does allow the older one entry. He practically hides behind the door as he opens it and slips around the other as he closes it. His eyes are still focused downwards. Though, it's easy to note there has been a shift inside his room.

Soul rooms never entirely change as they are a reflection of the mind who bears it. For Yugi, the toys and the games that were once littering the floor are pushed up against the walls. It was like that when he entered. Yugi hasn't really noticed the shift. After all, it's a reflection of the struggle going on inside his own heart. Growing up means putting childish things away--or at least that is what he thinks. If he is going to do what he has to do, then, he can't really cling onto all those dreams and wishes he had growing up.

...Right?

He blinks once even if his eyes don't raise to match his other self. ]

... Did Anzu try to stop you?

[ifthereiswill]

[ If Atem had seen those messages before he knocked on Yugi's door, he definitely would have answered Anzu, agreeing without any hesitation to the idea of her and Yugi hanging out. Would it have been a little underhanded? Yes. Does he want to see his partner and best friend finally get together with the girl he's in love with? Absolutely.

For the moment, though, his priority is helping his partner with whatever is bothering him. He waits for Yugi to open the door, not even entertaining the possibility that he won't let him in. They're more than friends and partners: they're brothers too. And he doesn't intend to just leave Yugi alone with his thoughts when there might be something he can do to help.

Finally, the door opens and Atem slowly steps inside. The first thing he notices is how the toys and games are no longer scattered all around the floor. It makes him feel sad, as if he's realizing that this might be a sign of Yugi beginning to grow up and putting away his childhood. Of course, he reasons that everyone has to grow up sometime, but he still doesn't want to see Yugi lock that part of himself away too soon.

More concerning, however, is the way that Yugi doesn't even look at him or make eye contact. He mentally chastises himself for not talking to Yugi about this sooner. They're supposed to help each other when one of them is falling, and it's clear to him that Yugi really needs help now.

He can't force Yugi to meet his gaze, so instead, he just decides to wait and carry on a conversation as normally as possible. ]

No, but she did send these messages to you. [ He pulls out the phone and holds it out to Yugi so that he can see what Anzu said. ] She wants to be there for you, Yugi.

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Atem might be in his own right to be a little underhanded. Yugi did, after all, set him and Anzu up on a date early on in the spring. The two may just need to push one another to really chase after who and what they want. He simply just doesn't see the point in trying to chase after Anzu. She is his oldest friend, but, even he can tell how things have changed since they got into high school. She never noticed his affections beyond being a friend. That might be his fault for never having the courage to step up and think she could see him as something other than that. Ultimately, though, it doesn't matter now. She has someone she loves and she'll be leaving for America after graduation. Then, she'll probably find someone who is even more confident, full of character, and isn't just a kid at heart.

It might not be a sign of that at all. In fact, it is more Yugi trying to push himself to be what he thinks he needs to be. Kaiba plays games as a way to further his company and his own goals. Joey plays games as a means to get a better end for himself and Serenity. Even his other self plays games to restore something precious to him. Those are all far more mature and grown up reasons in Yugi's mind. He simply likes games to be fun and to spend time with the people he loves the most. What is that going to matter when all of them have left? He'll just be a kid in a game shop trying to get the world to understand why games are important to people.

Yugi looks up from the floor just enough to turn his attention to the phone. He reaches up to take it gently, looking over the messages and emoticons that are so very Anzu. Atem's words aren't lost on him. If anything, they're what finally dislodges the wedge Yugi has used to keep everything inside his own heart. He closes his eyes as tears start to run down his face. Has he grown or changed at all since the start of Battle City? All he can feel like is that he's no different than he was standing in front of his other self, crying about the idea that he might lose him if he gets his memories back. ]

Until she leaves. Until all of you do. [ Joey, Tristan, Anzu, Bakura, Duke. Even Atem and Lunafreya are going to leave at some point. He's had that feeling for a long time now and just never wanted to face it. ] I have to accept it... I have to be alright with it.

[ Even if it is the last thing he wants. ]

... How can you do it, Other Me? [ Yugi forces the swell of emotions down. ] How can you push down the thing you want most and do what you need to do? I don't know how you can... or how Luna can.. or how I'm supposed to...

[ifthereiswill]

[ Everything Atem's thinking flees from his mind the second he sees tears begin falling from Yugi's eyes. In just a few seconds, he's standing right in front of him, reaching for his hands, hoping he'll let him take hold and not pull away. ]

Yugi, your friends may leave, but I am confident that it won't be forever. You'll see them again, and there are ways to stay connected. [ He might not really understand all of those ways, because some technologies are ones he's still trying to adjust to, but he knows that just because there is some distance between friends, that doesn't mean they'll never talk to each other again. ]

As for me, I don't plan on going anywhere. Lunafreya may leave for a time because of her responsibilities, but I'm confident that she'll return when she's able to.

It may only be the two of us for a little while, but our friends will still be with us.

[ And then it seems as though Yugi's just continuing to reveal the heart of the matter, what's really bothering him. ]

Who says that you do, Yugi? Surely it's possible to have what you desire most and still fulfill your responsibilities. It doesn't have to be done perfectly.

[ If he's learned anything from his time here, it's that sometimes even the best laid plans don't always go exactly as expected. ]

What is it that you want the most? There must be a way for us to make sure that you get it.

[ And if there is a way, he intends to stand beside Yugi until they find a way to reach it. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ He looks up at his best friend once Atem puts his hands over his. The expression in his eyes says he knows this and he understands it. Even then, he is struggling with the idea of separating from them. They have each other's chat IDs. They have social media. There are ways he can keep in contact with them...

Maybe this is what he needs to work through after everything that happened with the Orichalcos. Yugi hasn't shared what it was like to be separated from all of them in that never ending darkness. How the god of the Orichalcos would feed on their energy and strength. He knows Atem is still struggling with his own guilt and grief over it, and he wouldn't dare make his partner feel worse than he already does. But, Yugi would be lying to himself if he didn't at least admit in his own heart that the experience brought back the painful memories of the time before he had completed the Millennium Puzzle. Anzu was there, of course, but she was only aware of so much of it.

Lunafreya. It's almost weird to hear her full name. Probably because he still struggles with being able to say it. ]

I'm the keeper of the Millennium Puzzle. I'm the vessel for you. I have things that I need to do for you.

[ Everyone has always said it--haven't they? Shadi, Ishizu, Marik. They've all said time and time again that he has a duty and responsibility to the ancient magical item and the soul that resides inside it. Trails, tests, and even restoring the memories of the Pharaoh himself. ]

What if doing what I'm supposed to do makes it so you have to leave? [ He looks down again, a frown tinted with frustration on his face, and tears still running down his cheeks. ] I want you to stay here with me. I don't want to lose my best friend. But, if I don't do my part, then, I'm failing you.

[ Yugi's hands curl around the phone then as he shuts his eyes tightly. Now comes the tears of frustration and anger at no one else but himself and his inability to cross this hurdle in his way. ]

I don't understand how you do it. I know you want to stay here too. I know you like being with all our friends, and that you want to be with Luna. Even then, you can put that aside and do what you have to. But, I...

[ ...can't do it, he finishes the statement to himself. Admitting it out loud just seems like he's letting Atem down even more. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem just remains silent then, sensing that everything Yugi's saying are thoughts and feelings that he needs to give voice to. But soon enough, he finds that he can't stay silent anymore, and the grip he has on his friend's hands tightens.

Of course it's true that he's still working through his own feelings and emotions, but he can push those away in favor of trying to help his partner navigate his own storm. He still has a long way to go before he'll feel like himself again, but suddenly, it's become clear to him that his own personal battles aren't as important as the emotions that Yugi is trying to brave his way through. And the thing is, he doesn't have to do it alone, because he intends to stand by him. ]

But you're so much more than just that, Yugi. You're your own person, and you have your own things that you need to do for you. And that includes taking care of yourself.

[ Atem's worry and concern for his friend just grows with every word he hears from him, and all the guilt that he's been trying to navigate fades into the background as he puts all his focus and attention onto Yugi. ]

Then don't do it. Do what you want to, not what you're expected to. [ And then he smiles, hoping to reassure him at least a little. ] And by the way: I'm going to stay right here. I won't be going anywhere. [ And he doesn't have to do anything, let alone leave. ]

You couldn't ever fail me. [ He won't be giving voice to this, because it's something he has to address, but he's the one who failed Yugi first, even though he's trying to move on from that. ]

I don't understand how I do it either. [ He means that too. ] I wouldn't be able to do anything if I didn't have you and all our friends behind me.

[ He's not certain if his words are helping, or if they're even reaching his partner, but he's trying. ]

Yugi, the only thing you have to do is to just be yourself. You won't be failing me, or letting me down.

[ You're only letting yourself down. Again, he leaves that thought unsaid, because he thinks it wouldn't help Yugi to hear it. ]

You've been a good friend, the greatest friend that I could have ever asked for.

[ He pauses for just a moment, and then he adds: ]

I wouldn't be where I am or who I am right now if our paths had never crossed. You are doing your part, and you have been this whole time.

[ Atem might still have his doubts about himself and his worth, but one thing he is completely clear on is that Yugi is doing more than enough just by being himself. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

I know... I know... but...

[ He doesn't mean to sound as if he's brushing off the concern of his best friend or what he's saying. He does understand it. Really. It's just..

Yugi knows what it is deep down. He's scared. He's afraid that he can only be who he is now is when his friends are there. What happens when they leave? What if everything goes back to how it was before when it was only Anzu? Except, he won't even have Anzu there. Her eyes are forward and moving onto America... or they're on Atem. There are times he feels as if Anzu's already moved on from him and maybe she has.

He frowns. How can he not do it? How can he sit by, knowing they have everything his other self needs to get his memories back, and do nothing to get them back? Ultimately it is Atem's choice and he knows it. If the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle has to decide when and if he wants his memories back. Still, Yugi can't help but feel guilty, as if he's the reason Atem doesn't want them. That thought alone is crushing in its own way. Does he hold Atem back from what he needs to do? Does taking care of him, being his protector, keep him locked in the endless maze of the Puzzle?

Yugi's focus snaps back to his partner from the wandering thoughts as he continues to speak. He doesn't feel like the greatest friend or the best partner. He feels torn between needing the people around him and letting them go. All he feels capable of doing at the moment is staring back at his other self with feelings of regret, frustration, fear and loss. None of those things help either of them.

Maybe that's something his partner can feel coming off of him. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem can feel all those things coming off his partner, and suddenly, he finds himself unsure what to do or say. He could go on reassuring him forever that he's not failing in his responsibilities, that it's his responsibility to himself to take care of himself and not push himself too hard. And Atem knows with complete certainty that Yugi could never hold him back.

If he no longer wishes to regain his memories, then that's his choice, and not at all because he's doing it because he believes it's what Yugi wants. He's decided that if he stays, it's because he can't bear to be separated from his partner and his friends. Regaining his memories is something he wants, but he wants to stay with them more. ]

I don't know how else to explain that I'm here because I want to be, and that whatever happens, I'll still be right here.

[ He may be unsure about some things in his life, but one thing he is absolutely sure of is this: he'll stay with Yugi for as long as he wants him to. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

...

[ Yugi nods slowly. He knows that his other self wouldn't leave voluntarily. That doesn't mean something like destiny or some other force won't make that happen.

They had no idea that a magic like the Orichalcos even existed and could capture souls. If that exists, what else could be out there? The Millennium Rod can take over minds. Atem himself is sealed inside the confines of the Millennium Puzzle. The Millennium Ankh lets Shadi walk into their hearts and their soul rooms. What if the next thing that they run into pulls them apart for good?

He lowers his gaze long enough to watch where he drops the phone. It isn't really his phone anyways; just a version of it that their minds put together for him to see what the real phone has on it. A moment passes. Then, Yugi steps forward and wordlessly wraps his arms around the spirit that might as well be his brother. Just enough to show him that he has heard him and understands it. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ He's still standing there waiting, unsure what his next moves or next words should be, but before he can do anything, Yugi's closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around him. His eyebrows lift, but he doesn't pull back; instead, he leans in, placing his own arms around his partner.

If it's possible for comfort and reassurance to pass through a hug, then Atem means to stand there with his arms around Yugi until he eventually pulls away. He certainly won't be making the first move.

Of course, he feels that there should be more that he can do to lift Yugi's spirits, but maybe this is a step in the right direction. It might take some time, but however long it takes, Atem intends to be right by his side.

As far as he's concerned, even if all their friends move to other parts of the country, even other parts of the world, at least they'll still be together. And if someone or some thing tries to pull them apart, Atem's resolved to fight as hard as he can in order to prevent that. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ He knows it's unfair to ask his other self to help him through this. Not when so much has happened to him over the course of the last few months. Part of him feels selfish in asking that Atem help him carry this until he can resolve it on his own. His partner is offering and willing, though, so it might be even more selfish not to take the offered help.

All of them will ask what's wrong. They'll all give him their reassurances too. Maybe... maybe that's not what he's looking for. Maybe it's more an acknowledgement of how much Yugi needs them. But, he can't rely entirely on them forever, can he? He needs to figure out how to be able to stand on his own to some degree. It's not fair or right to expect Atem to always pull him out of a dire situation, or for his friends to be there through every fight. At some point, he'll face something alone.

This just might be that something. ]

... I'd do it again if I had to. [ Even he's surprised at what he's saying. Even if his voice is monotone and lacking any of the warmth it normally has. ] If something tried to take you away from us -- even if you caused it -- I'd let it take me instead. No matter what it was. Even if I ended up sealed away to be devoured by a god or put inside a magical ancient item.

[ Because he'd rather something destroy him than any of his friends.

Yugi steps back and raises his head slightly. His hands are still clutched into Atem's version of the school jacket they wear. He opens his mouth to tell his other self what it was like being in the presence of that god. Except, the words never come. How can he tell him without sending him into a downward spiral again? He can't. He can't put Atem through all of that pain again. ]

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem would argue that it isn't unfair at all; they're partners and they help each other out. Yugi's helped him out a lot, even when he still feels like it isn't deserved, and now it's his turn to try and help his friend. He may still be reeling from everything that's happened, but the least he can do is try to pull his focus off of himself for a little while and help his partner who seems to be going through a rough time.

And even though Atem knows that some battles have to be fought alone, that doesn't mean that he can't still stand by Yugi's side if he needs him while he faces down whatever's going on. But if it turns out that this is something they can face together, then of course he's going to stand with him. ]

I know you would, Yugi, but- [ He has to swallow down the spikes of fear that he feels at the thought of Yugi being taken away again, because of something that he did. ] I- [ He hesitates for just a moment. ] If something happened to you again, I don't know if I could-

[ He shakes his head. He will not make this about himself, not after spending so much time only thinking about himself. ]

I don't want to lose you, not again, Yugi. [ He keeps his hands on Yugi's forearms, his grip solid but not uncomfortably tight. ] Please- [ The word slips out before he's even aware of it. It isn't one he uses often, but he feels like he has to now. ]

We need you here, Yugi: all of us. [ And they do: their entire friend group almost fell apart in the immediate aftermath of Yugi's loss. Of course, Atem knows that he fell the hardest of them all, but it affected all of them.

He can't ask Yugi to let him be the one who takes the fall next time, because what kind of request is that? But he knows that he can't handle losing Yugi again, because what if it's irreversible this time? He shakes his head to drive those thoughts away. ]

If something tried to take you away from us, I would fight to keep you here.

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Yugi listens carefully to what the other him says. He's known, but it really shows now, how traumatic the separation was for the both of them. Maybe it was the way it was done and the things that led up to it. If they were separated again, would the pair of them react the same way? It isn't a theory he wants to test. He'd rather they never be separated again if they can help it.

He forces a smile for Atem. Of course they need him. He wonders, though, if they realize how much he needs them. It might not matter in the scale of things. He has some knowledge of what happened after he was sealed away. Bits and pieces given to him by everyone involved, but, it's still not a whole picture. He may never have that and it's fine.

That 'Please' is something he'll be remembering. It isn't something he'll never be able to shake from his memory. How often does his other self ask for things? Especially like this? ]

Then, we both need to do whatever we can to keep it from happening.

[ He pauses. ]

...What about your memories, Other Me? I promised I'd help get the God Cards so we could get them back for you. That's what I have to do. Are you really alright if I don't do my duty and get them back for you?

[ifthereiswill]

[ Of course Atem knows what being separated from Yugi did to him, but he's just begun to realize how traumatic it was for his partner. And with that realization comes a determination to never let anything split them apart again, not if he can help it. ]

Of course I'll be all right. [ He manages a smile for Yugi as well, even if it's just a little bit forced too. ] My memories aren't nearly as important as being here for you.

[ It's then that a note of resolve sounds in his voice as he goes on. ]

I don't think I've been fair to you. You went through something incredibly difficult, perhaps even more difficult than what any of us have realized.

[ He looks at Yugi, something piercing in his eyes. ]

I haven't done my duty and been there for you. [ Well, he intends to change that now. ] What do you need, Yugi? Is there anything that I can do for you? Even if it's just you talking about anything that's on your mind while I listen, I'll do it.

[inheritedpuzzle]

They are important though. They have to be...

[ Otherwise, what has all of it been for? There's something buried inside the memories of his other self that has caused everything to happen. Why he found and completed the Puzzle, why Atem can't remember things. Why the Tomb Keepers made sure to keep the way for the Pharaoh to regain his memories alive. Why they've met Lunafreya, whose best friend and retainer, existed three thousand years ago in Egypt. All of it has to tie into something that none of them understand.

Why else would all of this happen?

It's his place to make sure Atem regains his memories. He doesn't just know it; he feels it. His role is to give the ancient Pharaoh a vessel and a way to regain that knowledge. How Yugi's emotional state can outweigh how important all that is... it doesn't quite add up in his head at the moment.

Maybe he just needs a good nights rest.

Yugi's eyebrows raise slightly at what Atem says. His duty to him? There's nothing that Atem owes him or duty the ancient spirit has to give himself. He blinks, once, then twice. He only gained the memories of what the other him would do after he started to trust him. He just... never asked why...

What he went through wasn't nearly as difficult as what the Pharaoh did. Not in his mind anyways. ]

I never asked... when I completed the Puzzle, you took over whenever I was in danger. Whenever Anzu, Joey, or Tristan were. Why? You knew you weren't really me, but, you did anyways. Was it only because I was the one that solved the Puzzle at first?

[ifthereiswill]

Of course they are, but are they more important than helping you?

[ Atem shakes his head, suddenly realizing that he's more sure about this than he has been about anything recently. Of course he knows that regaining his memories isn't something he can just shove aside; Yugi's right in that it's most likely been their goal all along, whether they knew it or not. What else explains the way everything's unfolded so far?

But if it's Yugi's place to make sure that he gets his memories back, then it's his place to support his partner and his friend. He's those things first, and his vessel later. That doesn't mean it isn't important, because he wouldn't be here at all if not for Yugi. But in Atem's mind, Yugi will always be his friend and partner above anything else. ]

Because, Yugi- without you and our friends, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

[ He's not entirely sure where he'd be; still locked inside the Puzzle, he supposes, wandering those never-ending hallways and staircases for the rest of eternity. ]

Helping you when you're in danger is the least that I could do for you and for our friends. [ It helps him too, of course, because Yugi's his vessel, but even then, he knows that he would always try and help Yugi and their friends because they let him into their lives and into their friendship, even though they didn't have to. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ ...are they?

Yugi isn't sure. Part of him leaps at the idea of saying 'Yes.' He's the one that supports them all, brings them together, and helps them achieve what they need to do. Which must mean that finding those memories is more important than helping him sort out how to move forward with everything. The other part knows it's a question that already has an answer. Atem has made up his mind and said it several times.

They don't need to. Not yet. He doesn't want to do it yet.

He wonders how much of that is because of the last time he tried to reach out for those memories. The Orichalcos Great Leviathan bared them from being able to obtain them. Then it was one thing after another. Blow after blow. Maybe.... maybe his other self doesn't want to retrieve them yet because he's afraid of what might happen this time? They've both expressed not wanting to be separated from one another. Maybe the idea of that happening is something neither of them are ready to face yet.

Should they push each other then if that's the case?

A small frown touches his face then. Maybe it's not the fact he feels guilty that they've yet to retrieve his memories. It might be that he's sensing both of their worries and apprehensions over what might come next. It's just easier to focus on the present. How long can they go on like this?

He blinks at the answer. Almost as if it takes a moment to settle inside his heart with the other thoughts swirling around. ]

But, when I first solved the Puzzle, you didn't have to. You could of stood by... [ and let him, Joey, and Tristan continually get beaten down at every point. ] You didn't know anything about us then, right? Or were you able to tell what was happening outside the Puzzle even when it wasn't together?

[ He knows that somehow Atem helped him hastily put the Puzzle back together in that warehouse. But, that was after their bond was made. They were connected even if they couldn't talk to one another without the Puzzle being put together.

Yugi looks down. ]

You could of just done what the spirit of the Millennium Ring did. You could of just kept taking over whenever you wanted, and I never would of remembered it...

pfft I never got a notif for this

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem has to stop and ponder this for a moment. He supposes that it's true, he could have simply stood by and done nothing. They weren't friends then, let alone partners, and he had no bond or obligation to them.

So why did he do it? He realizes he doesn't really have an answer to that. ]

I'm not sure why I did that. [ His expression turns pensive as he tries to sort out his scattered memories of that time right after Yugi put the Puzzle together. ] We were only strangers then, with no idea about what would happen to us in the future.

[ Perhaps he suspected then that if something happened to the one who solved the Puzzle, he might be forced back into it for another long period of waiting. ]

I could have done that, yes. [ He isn't really certain what to think about these questions or how he should answer them. All he knows is that he could have done what Yugi's suggesting, but he knows that he wouldn't have wanted to, whether or not he knew them at the time. ]

That isn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. [ Not that he imagines he would have had much choice; as the inhabitant of Yugi's vessel, he supposes the majority of the control should reside with him. What if Yugi hadn't wanted a friendship or partnership at all? Atem wouldn't have had much say in that, if that had been the case. ]

It's hard for me to imagine just taking over whenever I wanted and ignoring your wishes and your feelings.

beep beep time to make yourself headcanon!

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Yugi nods, thinking about those answers. He finds himself sitting down suddenly in an odd mixture of exhaustion and detachment as it all settles in his mind. He isn't sure why this is all suddenly important. They both know how the early days of the Puzzle being completed were.

Well... Yugi knows of it. Joey and Tristan shared details, but, Yugi still doesn't have memories of the very early days. He may never really have memories of those Shadow Games either. Something tells him that Atem would rather share the details of what he did. Even then? He can't see his other self doing things like the spirit of the Millennium Ring. If the people Atem punished deserved it after losing the Shadow Games...

He frowns as his eyes drop to the floor of his soul room. Why does any of it matter all of the sudden? He wasn't aware of what happened; it wasn't like being sealed away by the Orichalcos. Is he simply trying to understand what it was like for Atem before they were partners? If so, then why does he want to know?

... Was the ancient Pharaoh as lonely as he was before the Puzzle was solved? Was he just as lonely, hurting, and numb when Yugi let the Seal take him? Or, is it just Yugi himself that feels this way?

Can he even ask his other self any of this? Or is it too much? ]

It took me eight years to solve the Puzzle. [ It's a fact they all know. ] I found it in Grandpa's storage room... and he didn't think I could solve it. I wanted to show him I could.

[ And he did.

Yugi can't help how his voice still sounds monotone. ] Did... you know someone was trying to solve it?

[ Did Atem know who he even was before he solved the Puzzle? ]

all aboard the headcanon train

[ifthereiswill]

[ He watches Yugi take a seat, noting the exhaustion that seems to be clinging to his partner like a shroud. He moves closer to sit next to him, because what he wants more than anything (aside from wanting to continue this conversation, wherever it may go) is to be beside him so he can continue offering his support, such as it is.

Those early days are becoming a little blurry for Atem, but he still remembers them, even if it isn't in crystal clear detail. He knows that the kindness and forgiveness he's learned from Yugi wasn't even a thought in his mind then; revenge and retribution, however, were. What he can't remember, however hard he tries, is why he was so bent on delivering punishment to people in the first place. Oh, the thought is there, but he can't quite reach out to take hold of it.

A thought arises before he can push it away, and he asks himself yet again if there's even the smallest possibility that he was an evil ruler, or at least, a harsh and unforgiving one. Perhaps that's why he was so quick to deal out judgment to those he apparently deemed deserving of it. The problem with those thoughts is that they only cause more questions to rise up, and he has no answers to those.

Whether or not Yugi's questions matter, Atem's already resolved to answer them as best as he can, in hopes that doing so helps unknot some of the tangles that he thinks are forming in his partner's mind, not to mention his heart. Lunafreya and Yugi were both there when he needed them, and they both helped loosen some of the bonds that were holding him back, preventing him from moving forward. Now, maybe it's his turn to do that for Yugi.

He can't really say with any clarity what he felt when he was inside the Puzzle waiting for it to be solved. All he remembers is walking through endless corridors and climbing staircases that went nowhere. It was a restless, aimless sort of existence, but he knew nothing else until Yugi solved the Puzzle.

What he does know is that he fell into a void of despair and guilt when he and Yugi were separated. If not for the help he received from Lunafreya and Gentiana, and even from Kaiba, he might still be in that void, or he might have even drowned in it, because he believes he lacked the ability to pull himself out on his own.

Whatever Yugi wishes to ask him, he knows he'll do his best to answer, regardless of the toll it takes on him. It's the least he can do for his friend. ]

I believe I did, somehow. I don't think I knew that's what was happening, but-

[ He briefly closes his eyes as if trying to recall those slippery memories and sensations he had during that time. They keep trying to escape him, but he still has flashes of thoughts and feelings that he assumes have something to do with Yugi's attempt to put the Puzzle together. ]

Paths that I was on, or stairs that I was trying to climb- They would just seem to stop, falling away and leaving me with a dead end. Other times, the path would lead to a door, and I could see light behind it, but the door wouldn't open no matter how many times I tried.

[ He pauses there, because he does recall what happened next, and now he realizes that event probably happened the day that Yugi finally completed the Puzzle, even if he didn't know it at the time. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ Yugi lifts his gaze the moment his other self starts to speak. It makes sense even though the description of the life inside the Puzzle makes sense. Each piece of the Puzzle would have to change the way the maze worked. Which means the only version of the maze that he has seen is the one put together. Could his other self even keep track of what doors or stairways he had tried? How maddening had that become? ]

...did you ever find a way to open that door?

[ Is that the door to his true memories? Yugi knows he has seen several doors, and even Shadi found several traps himself. The entire maze seems to react to the frustration of the one who is present in it. Which, if that's true, there has to be so much more that he is unaware of when it comes to how Atem truly feels.

His eyes narrow slightly and he raises his head just a bit. ]

Is wandering around that maze really what you want to do? Is it better to do that while I'm the one in control than finding the real door to your memories?

[ifthereiswill]

[ Atem just nods slowly, remembering that moment and how he felt when the door finally opened. It wasn't the door to his memories, but it was the door that opened to all the adventures and misadventures that he and Yugi have happened since that time. ]

Actually, Yugi, you were the one who opened the door. The day you finished the Puzzle was the day the door opened and I was able to step outside for the first time in a long time.

[ He smiles then, an actual genuine smile, and with it, his tone of voice warms. ]

Maybe that other door will open again, and maybe it won't, but nothing can replace the time we've had together.

[ And then his expression sobers just a little as he ponders Yugi's next set of questions. ]

Well, it isn't as though I'm alone anymore, Yugi. [ Meaning that even if he did just continue wandering around the maze, it really isn't the worst fate he could have.

But then he poses a question to Yugi as well: ]

Do you ever mind having to take care of the Puzzle? [ And by extension, taking care of Atem himself. He knows that Yugi has insisted he doesn't, that his life was considerably emptier before they met, but he just needs to hear it confirmed again. ]

[inheritedpuzzle]

[ He opened the door?

Yugi moves to ask how he had until Atem continues on. His gaze moves to the door of his soul room that stands opposite of Atem's. The doors that the two so easily pass through and use. At one time they didn't even exist. It's an odd thing to remember, considering how close the two of them are. It means that the door to the soul room of his other self was only made once he solved the Puzzle... and he couldn't leave to even stand outside it at all?

A small smile appears on his face as well. He can't help it. It feels like it's been a lifetime since his other self truly smiled.

He just can't fathom how his other self handles the frustration of it all. Or... does it really not bother him now? Has the bonds and memories he's made with all of them really lessened the complicated emotions he must have about having his memories stripped from him? He is about to ask before Atem poses his own question.

Yugi looks down at the Puzzle hanging around his neck. Does he mind...?

Just as with everything else this conversation, it takes Yugi a moment to find the right way to answer. ]

I don't mind caring for the Puzzle... or for you. I don't mind the friends we've made along the way. Sometimes, the stakes feel like we can't beat them. Sometimes, it feels like the magic we encounter is too much. I know we'll win, but how we will, sometimes that...

[ He pauses again. What he minds is the idea of feeling that emptiness again. That when he looks inside, not only will those two doors be gone, but the true friend he always wanted will be gone without a trace with nothing remaining.

Everything has happened because he met Atem. Even when they decide to face the future... will he just be the way he always was? Invisible to the world; no one there as they've moved on paths he can't keep up on?

Maybe--maybe what they need to talk about is what they're going to do now. Not about memories, or destiny, or how magic circles everything they do. Neither of them are sure they want to duel competitively. They've talked about keeping up the shop after graduation. Yugi has convinced himself any avenue with Anzu in anything more than friendship is closed. He feels as if Atem loves someone dearly, even the spirit has never said it out loud.

It's a starting point at least. ]

Other Me. [ He looks back to his partner. ] Do you love Luna?

[ He knows the question will seem out of nowhere. His other self may not even want to answer it. Yugi feels he needs to know the answer. If Atem is going to stay with him, and he loves someone, then they need to figure out how make it all work. He already knows the spirit will insist that nothing he needs or wants should interfere... but that's not an answer he's going to settle for anymore. ]

Don't pretend you do or don't just for my sake. Tell me.