synthneon | YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

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YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

			RAIN
		

( for once a post not continued from a meme!! we just continuing this hurt/comfort train down the way to hell. )

[ It was almost strange coming back home to Japan. It wasn't as if he had gotten used to being in America or their customs (or food - the size of the portions). More of it had to do with routine and getting back to normal day-to-day life. School work, tests, helping in the game shop. There were no tournaments, no life threatening situations. Strange is the word he guesses he'd put to it all if he had to find one. Somehow he had gotten used to the duels, the stakes, the adventure. Everything else is just... mundane.

That isn't the only issue, even though he'd like to point it to being the only one.

As the days go on and life returns to normal? The reality of time just becomes more apparent to him. Each day brings graduation closer. Graduation means the next step in their lives... and that means everyone will be going their separate ways. Usually Yugi can look past that. He can enjoy the time he has with everyone, but, it must be the combination of everything this particularly rainy autumn day. Graduation, what he'll do after school, and what he should do as the keeper of the Millennium Puzzle versus what he wants.

Autumn... graduation is in March. He'll be nineteen afterwards. It'll have been three years since he solved the Millennium Puzzle and woke the spirit that resides in it. Only three years. It feels like a lifetime, but, one he's glad to have had. A lifetime that he can't help but feel is going to be ending sooner rather than later despite what everyone around him says.

He knows everyone has noticed how quiet he has been the last few days. Atem still has been rather distant from everyone since they arrived back home. Yugi has decided not to bother his other self with what is going on in his head. Oh, he's sure Atem has sensed it and has even figured it out, but, he's still contending with his own issues left over from Dartz. Yugi doesn't plan to complicate that more with his own emotional battles. He'll have to rely on just himself if Atem ever leaves anyways...

Yugi steps into the entrance way of the school to grab his shoes. That is when he notices Anzu standing outside underneath the cover of the entryway. He looks down - making sure that she doesn't notice him - before trying to make the mental leaps on how to avoid her inevitable questions if he has been alright. He doesn't want to think about it. As far as he can tell, she has chosen which one of the two she likes, and he can't blame her for that. He knows she isn't going to take I'm fine as an answer too much longer. He doesn't want to think about how she'll be leaving shortly after graduation to study abroad - just like she has always wanted to.

Everyone has someplace and somewhere they plan to go but him. Even his other self has a destined path that moves him forward. Maybe all Yugi is meant to do is make sure each of them go where they're supposed to go. That might be his role in all of it. What is the point of all of it then? He finally makes the friends he wants and then has to see them all leave him behind?

He sighs and pushes down his frustration. It'll just bring more unwanted attention to himself. Especially from the spirit of the Pharaoh who is most likely worried but hasn't addressed it all.

Yugi closes the locker door and stares at the ground for a moment. With a sidelong glance at Anzu outside, he turns his back to the front doors. He supposes what he is about to ask is highly uncharacteristic, but, he's probably entitled to some alone time in his own soul room after everything.

'Other Me?' He gently calls out in their shared link. Part of him hates to ask this because it must seem spineless to a person that commanded armies and controlled a kingdom. 'Can you do me a favor?' ]

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[ Atem has to stop and ponder this for a moment. He supposes that it's true, he could have simply stood by and done nothing. They weren't friends then, let alone partners, and he had no bond or obligation to them.

So why did he do it? He realizes he doesn't really have an answer to that. ]

I'm not sure why I did that. [ His expression turns pensive as he tries to sort out his scattered memories of that time right after Yugi put the Puzzle together. ] We were only strangers then, with no idea about what would happen to us in the future.

[ Perhaps he suspected then that if something happened to the one who solved the Puzzle, he might be forced back into it for another long period of waiting. ]

I could have done that, yes. [ He isn't really certain what to think about these questions or how he should answer them. All he knows is that he could have done what Yugi's suggesting, but he knows that he wouldn't have wanted to, whether or not he knew them at the time. ]

That isn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. [ Not that he imagines he would have had much choice; as the inhabitant of Yugi's vessel, he supposes the majority of the control should reside with him. What if Yugi hadn't wanted a friendship or partnership at all? Atem wouldn't have had much say in that, if that had been the case. ]

It's hard for me to imagine just taking over whenever I wanted and ignoring your wishes and your feelings.

[ Yugi nods, thinking about those answers. He finds himself sitting down suddenly in an odd mixture of exhaustion and detachment as it all settles in his mind. He isn't sure why this is all suddenly important. They both know how the early days of the Puzzle being completed were.

Well... Yugi knows of it. Joey and Tristan shared details, but, Yugi still doesn't have memories of the very early days. He may never really have memories of those Shadow Games either. Something tells him that Atem would rather share the details of what he did. Even then? He can't see his other self doing things like the spirit of the Millennium Ring. If the people Atem punished deserved it after losing the Shadow Games...

He frowns as his eyes drop to the floor of his soul room. Why does any of it matter all of the sudden? He wasn't aware of what happened; it wasn't like being sealed away by the Orichalcos. Is he simply trying to understand what it was like for Atem before they were partners? If so, then why does he want to know?

... Was the ancient Pharaoh as lonely as he was before the Puzzle was solved? Was he just as lonely, hurting, and numb when Yugi let the Seal take him? Or, is it just Yugi himself that feels this way?

Can he even ask his other self any of this? Or is it too much? ]

It took me eight years to solve the Puzzle. [ It's a fact they all know. ] I found it in Grandpa's storage room... and he didn't think I could solve it. I wanted to show him I could.

[ And he did.

Yugi can't help how his voice still sounds monotone. ] Did... you know someone was trying to solve it?

[ Did Atem know who he even was before he solved the Puzzle? ]

[ He watches Yugi take a seat, noting the exhaustion that seems to be clinging to his partner like a shroud. He moves closer to sit next to him, because what he wants more than anything (aside from wanting to continue this conversation, wherever it may go) is to be beside him so he can continue offering his support, such as it is.

Those early days are becoming a little blurry for Atem, but he still remembers them, even if it isn't in crystal clear detail. He knows that the kindness and forgiveness he's learned from Yugi wasn't even a thought in his mind then; revenge and retribution, however, were. What he can't remember, however hard he tries, is why he was so bent on delivering punishment to people in the first place. Oh, the thought is there, but he can't quite reach out to take hold of it.

A thought arises before he can push it away, and he asks himself yet again if there's even the smallest possibility that he was an evil ruler, or at least, a harsh and unforgiving one. Perhaps that's why he was so quick to deal out judgment to those he apparently deemed deserving of it. The problem with those thoughts is that they only cause more questions to rise up, and he has no answers to those.

Whether or not Yugi's questions matter, Atem's already resolved to answer them as best as he can, in hopes that doing so helps unknot some of the tangles that he thinks are forming in his partner's mind, not to mention his heart. Lunafreya and Yugi were both there when he needed them, and they both helped loosen some of the bonds that were holding him back, preventing him from moving forward. Now, maybe it's his turn to do that for Yugi.

He can't really say with any clarity what he felt when he was inside the Puzzle waiting for it to be solved. All he remembers is walking through endless corridors and climbing staircases that went nowhere. It was a restless, aimless sort of existence, but he knew nothing else until Yugi solved the Puzzle.

What he does know is that he fell into a void of despair and guilt when he and Yugi were separated. If not for the help he received from Lunafreya and Gentiana, and even from Kaiba, he might still be in that void, or he might have even drowned in it, because he believes he lacked the ability to pull himself out on his own.

Whatever Yugi wishes to ask him, he knows he'll do his best to answer, regardless of the toll it takes on him. It's the least he can do for his friend. ]

I believe I did, somehow. I don't think I knew that's what was happening, but-

[ He briefly closes his eyes as if trying to recall those slippery memories and sensations he had during that time. They keep trying to escape him, but he still has flashes of thoughts and feelings that he assumes have something to do with Yugi's attempt to put the Puzzle together. ]

Paths that I was on, or stairs that I was trying to climb- They would just seem to stop, falling away and leaving me with a dead end. Other times, the path would lead to a door, and I could see light behind it, but the door wouldn't open no matter how many times I tried.

[ He pauses there, because he does recall what happened next, and now he realizes that event probably happened the day that Yugi finally completed the Puzzle, even if he didn't know it at the time. ]

[ Yugi lifts his gaze the moment his other self starts to speak. It makes sense even though the description of the life inside the Puzzle makes sense. Each piece of the Puzzle would have to change the way the maze worked. Which means the only version of the maze that he has seen is the one put together. Could his other self even keep track of what doors or stairways he had tried? How maddening had that become? ]

...did you ever find a way to open that door?

[ Is that the door to his true memories? Yugi knows he has seen several doors, and even Shadi found several traps himself. The entire maze seems to react to the frustration of the one who is present in it. Which, if that's true, there has to be so much more that he is unaware of when it comes to how Atem truly feels.

His eyes narrow slightly and he raises his head just a bit. ]

Is wandering around that maze really what you want to do? Is it better to do that while I'm the one in control than finding the real door to your memories?

[ Atem just nods slowly, remembering that moment and how he felt when the door finally opened. It wasn't the door to his memories, but it was the door that opened to all the adventures and misadventures that he and Yugi have happened since that time. ]

Actually, Yugi, you were the one who opened the door. The day you finished the Puzzle was the day the door opened and I was able to step outside for the first time in a long time.

[ He smiles then, an actual genuine smile, and with it, his tone of voice warms. ]

Maybe that other door will open again, and maybe it won't, but nothing can replace the time we've had together.

[ And then his expression sobers just a little as he ponders Yugi's next set of questions. ]

Well, it isn't as though I'm alone anymore, Yugi. [ Meaning that even if he did just continue wandering around the maze, it really isn't the worst fate he could have.

But then he poses a question to Yugi as well: ]

Do you ever mind having to take care of the Puzzle? [ And by extension, taking care of Atem himself. He knows that Yugi has insisted he doesn't, that his life was considerably emptier before they met, but he just needs to hear it confirmed again. ]

[ He opened the door?

Yugi moves to ask how he had until Atem continues on. His gaze moves to the door of his soul room that stands opposite of Atem's. The doors that the two so easily pass through and use. At one time they didn't even exist. It's an odd thing to remember, considering how close the two of them are. It means that the door to the soul room of his other self was only made once he solved the Puzzle... and he couldn't leave to even stand outside it at all?

A small smile appears on his face as well. He can't help it. It feels like it's been a lifetime since his other self truly smiled.

He just can't fathom how his other self handles the frustration of it all. Or... does it really not bother him now? Has the bonds and memories he's made with all of them really lessened the complicated emotions he must have about having his memories stripped from him? He is about to ask before Atem poses his own question.

Yugi looks down at the Puzzle hanging around his neck. Does he mind...?

Just as with everything else this conversation, it takes Yugi a moment to find the right way to answer. ]

I don't mind caring for the Puzzle... or for you. I don't mind the friends we've made along the way. Sometimes, the stakes feel like we can't beat them. Sometimes, it feels like the magic we encounter is too much. I know we'll win, but how we will, sometimes that...

[ He pauses again. What he minds is the idea of feeling that emptiness again. That when he looks inside, not only will those two doors be gone, but the true friend he always wanted will be gone without a trace with nothing remaining.

Everything has happened because he met Atem. Even when they decide to face the future... will he just be the way he always was? Invisible to the world; no one there as they've moved on paths he can't keep up on?

Maybe--maybe what they need to talk about is what they're going to do now. Not about memories, or destiny, or how magic circles everything they do. Neither of them are sure they want to duel competitively. They've talked about keeping up the shop after graduation. Yugi has convinced himself any avenue with Anzu in anything more than friendship is closed. He feels as if Atem loves someone dearly, even the spirit has never said it out loud.

It's a starting point at least. ]

Other Me. [ He looks back to his partner. ] Do you love Luna?

[ He knows the question will seem out of nowhere. His other self may not even want to answer it. Yugi feels he needs to know the answer. If Atem is going to stay with him, and he loves someone, then they need to figure out how make it all work. He already knows the spirit will insist that nothing he needs or wants should interfere... but that's not an answer he's going to settle for anymore. ]

Don't pretend you do or don't just for my sake. Tell me.

[ Well, by that same token, it seems to Atem that there's a trade-off to it as well. He would rather be as he is now, without his memories, and have the friendships that he does than to regain the memories he's lost and be alone again. What if everything changed if he got his memories back? Would he and Yugi be able to relate to each other the same way? What about their other friends?

He's realizing that he doesn't want anything to change, even if change is still a vital part of living. So in that regard, any frustration he might feel about not knowing who he is fades into the background when he thinks about what he might stand to lose in exchange for regaining his memories.

He doesn't want to feel that emptiness again either, nor does he want to go back to staring at that closed door that won't open no matter how hard he tries. ]

Sometimes it feels like it's impossible?

[ He's not sure if that's how Yugi intended to finish his question, but it's a thought that Atem can relate to. They have faced a lot of impossible odds since they met, and although they've managed to come out on top more often than not, that doesn't change the fact that they've both known what it's like to feel like everything's impossible, even insurmountable.

He knows he doesn't want to even think about what might happen to the two of them, whenever they finally make the decision to face their future. Just as Yugi doesn't want to go back to being invisible and alone, neither does Atem want that, for either of them.

He's about to say something else, but Yugi gets there first. The question that he asks takes Atem by surprise, and he accidentally stammers a little, because that's not what he thought Yugi was going to say. ]

I- Well... [ Yes is the answer that's on his tongue. But admitting that means opening them both up to a whole host of other complications, and the last thing he wants is to inconvenience Yugi at all.

Suddenly, there's a swirl of complicated emotions rising up inside him as he tries to just admit what he really feels for Lunafreya. He knows he loves her, but along with that realization comes doubts and the thought that he isn't (and couldn't ever be) enough for her.

She has more power and ability than he thinks he could ever hope to have, even though he has no memories to back that up. What could even come close to her ability to heal and to reach out to those on the spiritual plane? Of course he knows her thoughts and feelings concerning him, because she's laid them out for him more than once, but his doubts have very strong roots. His shoulders drop a little as he thinks about all of this, but even in the midst of all that, he knows his answer hasn't changed. It's just dealing with his own doubts about whether or not he's worthy of her.

But Yugi's still waiting for an answer, so he finally says: ]

Yes, I- [ He has to pause again, but this time, he just pushes on. ] I do.

[ Yugi nods slightly. ]

I know we're going to win... even I though I have no idea how we're going to. A few years ago? I would have thought all of this was impossible. Most people didn't even know I existed. Now... the both of us are the Duel King and everyone knows. People know you're still here.

[ The Tomb Keepers, Dartz. Who else knows the Pharaoh from three thousand years is still in their world? Yugi doesn't mind the fight. He'll keep doing what he needs to to protect his partner, his brother, his best friend. There's no question in his mind. In a way? Fighting those off is easier than trying to figure out what to do in the near future. Somehow the unknown isn't nearly as frightening than the known.

Yugi keeps his eyes on Atem as he struggles to answer. Of course, he already knows the answer. It's so obvious to Yugi that the two care deeply for one another. Lunafreya is one of the few people that not only know about the two spirits in one body, but actively tries to engage both in the moment. Yugi never feels as if he's being excluded or left out of conversations when the three of them are there. It's a unique situation, and he can't help but think that it has made his other self more endeared to her.

In an odd way? Yugi realizes that they need to address it. Atem said it himself. Lunafreya may leave to perform her duties, but she'll be back. She is someone who has already established who and what she is in her life. The rest of them are still trying to understand it as graduation dawns closer. If she's going to be a consistent presence in their lives...

He gives a small smile as if to say 'Ha, I knew it.' ]

... then we need to agree on some things. [ He nods yet again. His position is clear on it, but, Atem never has never agreed really on it. ] Because, if we're going to continue to work together even after everyone else leaves...

Of course. [ He says that as if there's rarely any moments of doubt that they'll come out on top. Of course, there's been several; he wouldn't lie about that. But in general, they always work in sync, and their prowess with dueling is such that they usually don't have to worry. Still, he can't even think something like that and not remember how he lost his confidence in himself and made reckless and desperate moves that he'd never do normally.

Dartz was a different kind of threat that made him feel like his back was to the wall and that he had no choice but to resort to more cutthroat tactics. ]

Well, now there's no doubt in anyone's mind that you're capable of handling yourself in a duel. [ And as far as Atem is concerned, nearly everyone knows now what kind of duelist Yugi is: the kind that's upright and good and tries to have the best duel possible, for both himself and his opponent.

But there's a thought that Atem hasn't considered until now. What if the threats keep coming because people know that he's present in this world? In that case, maybe he shouldn't be so quick to say he doesn't want to duel competitively anymore. Threats may very well continue to arise, and if they do, he has to protect Yugi too.

If he ever loses him again, the way that he nearly did to Dartz and Leviathan, he believes he might not be able to recover again.

As for his feelings for Lunafreya, of course he knows what they are, but he also knows that there's complications to them too. He understands that she'll need to occasionally leave to see to her Oracle duties, and that is all right with him.

What is less clear is how he can even think of pursuing a relationship with her while still respecting Yugi's needs and goals and what he wants to do with his life. It hardly seems fair that he should seek to advance this relationship with Lunafreya, when doing so might put Yugi in a position of not being able to do the same, whether if it's with a relationship with Anzu or someone else.

So that's the main reason behind his hesitation, and why he's avoided agreeing on anything one way or another. ]

What kind of things? [ He's stalling, and he knows it, but this is a conversation he's not sure he's ready to have. But it seems as though it can't be avoided. ]

Duels are one thing, Other Me. [ Everything else...? Well...

Yugi will still stand by the fact that Atem is the better duelist. Yugi doesn't sell himself short in terms of strategy or knowing the game -- or any game. It's the confidence and air of being a commander that he lacks. All of that obviously comes from the fact that Atem is a Pharaoh and would command an entire kingdom. Something like that never goes away.

What about their situation isn't complicated? At first, he had no idea Atem existed. Then, he thought the spirit was another form of himself. Then, no, is the spirit of a Pharaoh that lived three thousand years ago. They are two souls that share one body through a mystical item and have fought Gods and Men with sinister intentions. They've fought against people who have been broken by magic. Everything is complicated, but, why make this situation even more so?

He turns so he can properly face Atem. Even if he's slumped over, shoulders hunched, and looks to be exhausted? This is a conversation he'd rather look him eye-to-eye for. ]

I know you have some of my memories and know how I feel... but I really haven't explained everything. I've just been hoping that context can fill in the blanks. [ Yugi glances down. ] High school is three years long, and graduation marks when you've completed your education. After that, you step into adulthood. People go their own separate ways and get involved in their new lives... and people tend to change.

[ He drapes his arms in his lap and sighs. ] We both know everyone has something they want to do that will take them far away - except us. We've talked about staying at the game shop, and running it with Grandpa since... [ It's rather obvious that his grandfather can't keep the shop going forever. ] You said it yourself. Luna is going to go away but keep coming back. You love each other... and so if we're going to keep being partners after all of this...

[ Yugi leans forward just a bit. ] We need to talk about how to handle that. You already know where I stand on the matter, Other Me. If you're going to be here, then you have every right to live along side us. That means if you want to spend time by yourself in control, or time with Luna? That's alright, and I don't mind. I think you should.

I know Luna wants to spend time with you too. Neither of you will ask, even though I'm okay with it. That can't be how it goes after I graduate.

Yes, they are. [ He agrees, but his tone is uncertain, as if he's still unsure of where Yugi is going with this. He's doing his best to understand and to listen, because he needs to know how his friend and partner, and what's more, his brother feels.

He waits for Yugi to do or say something more, knowing that his responsibility here is to be patient and understanding, while he works out his thoughts and what he wants to say. It's not a time for speaking, and the last thing he wants to do is talk over Yugi in any way.

When it's clear that Yugi's taken a moment to pause, only then does he begin to form a reply. ]

So a chapter in your life is ending and a new one is starting, is that right? And- You're unsure how everything will look when our friends have gone on their way and it's just us remaining here.

[ It will be different, that's for sure. He wonders if part of the issue is that Yugi will be lonely without his friends. If that's the case, then he resolves right then and there to do his best to be even more available and even more supportive than he's tried to do this whole time. Perhaps that's another problem: could it be that he hasn't done enough, and that's why Yugi's so afraid of what's to come? If so, then that only strengthens Atem's resolve, driving away any lingering questions that he might still have. ]

I do know your thoughts on this matter, Yugi, and they're very kind, really.

[ It's just that he feels that anything more than he's already done will be infringing on Yugi's life, and at the end of the day, that's what it is: Yugi's life.

He had his chance to live, whether he remembers the details of his life or not, so in that sense, he can't see how it's his place to do as Yugi says and to live alongside him and others. Will this be something they'll never agree on? He's not sure of that either. ]

I suppose that we'll just have to compromise on this. [ Because while he can see it from Yugi's perspective, he still disagrees. ] It seems as though you've made up your mind, and I know I won't be able to convince you otherwise.

[ So it seems he has little choice but to agree. And, of course, a part of him wants what Yugi's proposing: not the part about being alone, but the one about spending time with Lunafreya. It's just ignoring that voice in his head that's telling him he's being selfish by even considering it. ]

[ His gaze drops one more time as Atem comes to his own understanding of the upcoming events. Yes. That is exactly it and it is clear on Yugi's face. It isn't just being lonely... he just isn't sure how to say he's worried of regressing to being who he was before he met all of them. Not without sounding spineless and a child. He already sounds like enough of one. ]

...and if you ever leave too. [ Yugi notes that quietly. They've talked it over. Except, he knows that their destiny seems to have different steps than what they want.

He can tell his other self still disagrees. It's frustrating in so many ways. Although, he supposes that just shows how they are their own separate people. He would rather they disagree on this than something like the Orichalcos Seal. Something where it is just a difference in point of view as opposed to moving forward. While this discussion is like that? It's not to the degree that Yugi remembers for that duel. ]

Then, what is our compromise? [ He made up his mind back in Battle City. That was the first time he noticed the two were attracted to one another. ] You're the one that has someone that returns how you feel. Not me. So, when I find someone like that, I'll make sure to tell you I need time with her.

[ As much as he'd like it to be Anzu? He knows it won't be. Even if, by chance, she has feelings for him? She's leaving for America... and he doesn't know if she'll ever be back. ]

[ The thing is, Atem would never think that about Yugi. He knows what he's made of, and that he's far braver and more courageous than most. Too often, he seems to sell himself short, and maybe that too is partly Atem's fault, for not bolstering his spirits when he needs the extra encouragement. It's clear to him that Yugi is stronger than even he knows, and it bothers him to some degree that he hasn't done his part to drive away Yugi's doubts. He's hardly spineless or a child, and Atem believes that wholeheartedly. ]

But I won't leave. I might not be able to see the future or what could happen in time, but as for right now: I won't leave. [ Of course he knows that time has a funny way of throwing in twists and turns, and what he feels now might not be the same as what he feels at a later time, but he's not thinking about that. All he's thinking about is that he will not be leaving Yugi behind.

They have talked about it, and they've discussed it at considerable length, but each time, Atem's conclusion is the same. He isn't ready to leave, and as long as Yugi wants or needs him by his side, he intends to be there. Destiny might attempt to intervene, but for the moment, his wishes are clear.

As for the matter of himself and Lunafreya, he very much disagrees. But they're partners; they decide things together, and it wouldn't be right for him to keep on insisting on having it his way and not trying to work with Yugi at all. His feelings for Lunafreya run too deep for him to just shut them off, and that would be doing a disservice to both of them. No, he would never deny what he's feeling, or withhold his feelings from Lunafreya simply because he's afraid of robbing Yugi of what's rightfully his: his time. ]

I suppose that the compromise will have to be that if she comes here in search of a visit, or if I decide I'd like to spend time with her-

[ It seems so obvious, almost to the point that this doesn't need to be said. And perhaps it doesn't; Yugi's mind is made up, while Atem's is less so, so maybe saying it aloud is more for his benefit than anything else. ]

I'll tell you.

[ It doesn't really seem satisfactory, but nothing about this arrangement is really conventional or commonplace, so the compromise doesn't really seem that way either. ]

And I'm confident that you will find someone. [ He still hasn't given up hope that one day, Anzu and Yugi will finally come together. ]

[ It's nothing that Atem has or hasn't done. It's simply a matter that Yugi has always lacked confidence in himself. His grandfather had hoped solving the Millennium Puzzle would fix that... and in a way it has. He would have never been able to face what he has without Atem. He's learned confidence and courage from his other self, even if he still feels he pales in comparison to the older spirit. It might always be that way. How could anyone stand beside a Pharaoh and not be in their shadow to a degree? ]

I know. It's... a 'what if', I guess.

[ Even though he hardly sounds sure of the answer he's given.

Yugi can tell when Atem wants to spent time with Lunafreya. The emotions run strong and loud, even if Atem might say that they don't. While they can't always sense what the other one feels, nor can they read each others minds? Those strong emotions will always surface. It seems more like he has to convince Atem that it's alright to feel those things and act on them.

He'll just continue to insist on behalf of his other self then. So, he nods to arrangement. Even if he just wishes the spirit would accept that it is alright to want those things. ]

I might. But, not for a while. [ He glances down and nods about that. Right now? He has to focus on graduating. Then, it's spending their last summer together as a group before everyone moves on. Then...

That's where things get murky and he isn't sure what might happen next. ]

Luna does know how you feel... doesn't she?

[ Well, if that's the case, if Atem knew that's what Yugi's been dealing with this whole time, then he'd have poured himself into doing anything and everything he could to build up his confidence. If it was possible for him to give up some of his own so that Yugi could have it, he'd have done it in a second. And, well, the last thing he wants is for anyone to feel like he's overshadowing them, so maybe it really is time for him to just step aside and let Yugi take the reins, even if it's just for a little while.

Not for the first time, the thought occurs to him that he could be the reason Yugi hasn't made that connection with Anzu. Of course he's learned how to be confident and how to stand tall in the face of those who would put him down, but how much good does that do him if he can't even pursue and win over the girl he likes? There's no easy answer to that, because if he even lets slip a little that he thinks he might be getting in the way, he's certain Yugi will vehemently deny it. ]

I'm not sure about that. It could be sooner than you think.

[ Not that he has any reason to think that, besides wanting Yugi to have that special kind of bond with someone too. He only wants the best for Yugi, and he wants him to achieve all his desires, because it's what he deserves. ]

Of course she does.

[ He may not have always had the right words to tell her as much, but he believes he's shown it with his actions. And when it felt right, he used his words too, but at some point, it seems that the two of them realized they didn't need words to reach out to the other. ]

[ His confidence has nothing to do with Atem being in control, or handling their duels. He's never had self-confidence. It's why he stayed unseen and unnoticed by so many outside those who were looking to bully someone. Maybe it comes from the fact his father is never around, or because people look down at the idea of games these days. Whatever the reason it started, it was only once he met the spirit in the Millennium Puzzle that it started to change.

If anything? What little confidence he has is owed to Atem.

Anzu's eyes are set on his other self. It's the presence and certainty he brings that makes draws her attention. Yugi can tell, because he has only ever been the childhood friend -- even before he solved the Puzzle. Anzu has never shown romantic interest that Yugi can see... and what's the point now? Long distance relationships rarely work out. She'll find someone else in New York that shares her passion or will sweep her off her feet. He's already given up on the possibility of it happening, and it's no fault of Atem's. ]

We'll see, I guess.

[ Maybe his other self is right and he'll find someone sooner than he thought. ]

Good. Because, I'd tell her if she didn't.

[ Yugi forces himself to give a playful grin. He's learned how to tease his other self... especially when he is usually the one being teased.

He moves to say something else but stops. Yugi lifts his head, looking around for the source of the sudden sound he hears. It sounds like scratching. That's when he realizes it's not from inside his soul room. With a glance over to Atem and a nod to show that he's leaving, Yugi forces himself to take control of his body once again.

Oh, he's on the bed.

Yugi forces himself up and out of the bed despite the protest he can feel his body giving. It seems like the emotional exhaustion is translating to a physical one. Well, he can address that later. For now he moves to his bedroom door, as the source seems to be from the other side. He opens the door and his eyes widen in surprise. ]

Umbra?

[ The black and white Shiba Inu let's out a small grumble. It's obvious he doesn't intend to bark to alert the others in the house of his presence. ]

[ Of course, confidence isn't something that can be poured out and shared, but if Atem could share his with Yugi, or even give all of it to him, he would without hesitation. Because Yugi, as he sees him, is brimming with promise and potential, and people like him are the future that the world needs, while those like Atem are the past. Even the Tombkeepers represent the old ways, even though it's possible to move forward into the future while still honoring the past. But as far as Atem is concerned, he's a relic of an ancient past, and there's only so much that he can do.

For Yugi and the rest of his friends, however, there's so much still for them to do and accomplish, and he's confident that they can do it.

As for Anzu, if he could just tell her plainly that while he will always consider her a good friend, Yugi's been waiting for her to notice him for a very long time. But then again, he supposes that's not entirely his place, even if there's nothing that he wouldn't do for his partner and friend. He wishes there was some way that he could make her see that Yugi has a lot to offer; if she's looking for someone who will stick by her through thick and thin and give her all the kindness and even love that he can manage, Yugi's the one who would do that without question.

Atem might have confidence and bravado, but Yugi's the one with real heart. He hasn't given up on trying to point Anzu and Yugi towards each other. ]

Yes, we will, one way or another. [ And then he smiles a smaller smile while shaking his head with something like amusement. ]

Well, Yugi, I could say the same thing about you and- A certain someone that we've talked about before. [ But he knows he has to be careful to not push too hard, or to become an annoyance to Yugi. He knows that Yugi's mind is made up concerning Anzu and her feelings, or her lack of them.

So he resolves to just give him one last tease, and then he'll let the subject lie for now.

He watches as Yugi takes control and begins moving. Atem also hears that scratching noise and looks around as if trying to find where it's coming from. When Yugi opens the door and they both spot the black and white dog, Atem just looks at him with confusion. ]

Where did he come from? [ And more importantly, for what reason is he here? ]

[ It doesn't matter to him if Atem is an "ancient relic." It doesn't matter if the spirit is over three thousand years. Atem is his best friend, his partner, his brother. He's done more than anyone would think. He inspires people, he saves them, he brings out the best in even the most stubborn of opponents. He's more than an ancient relic.

And he's positive Lunafreya would agree with him on it.

Those things may not be what Anzu is looking for. After al, she already has them by Yugi being her friend. What she wants in a romantic partner might be entirely different. He hasn't bothered to ask. It's more a fear of realizing that maybe everything he thinks about himself is right. Atem is lucky to have someone like Lunafreya... Yugi just wishes he could show his other self that.

He just looks down at the mention of Anzu. Maybe he should tell her before she leaves. Though, what's the point in that?

Umbra nudges a small box at his feet as steps into the room once he is allowed entry. His posture spreads as he shakes his fur. Yugi throws an arm up to keep the water droplets from going to his face as he closes the door. The black and white animal tilts his head up and looks at both the ghostly image of the Pharaoh and his vessel, his tail wagging gently. A single paw raises as if to shake their hands in greeting. ]

How did he get inside without Grandpa noticing?

[ Atem just stares at Umbra for a moment or two, just thinking that sometimes both he and Pryna act differently from any animal he's ever seen. He supposes it's not unthinkable that they're more than just loyal pets who follow their owner wherever she goes and who also go wherever she sends them. Or perhaps they're merely so well trained that their behaviors are unusual.

As to Yugi's question, he has no answer for it, so he shakes his head. ]

I suppose a door could have been left open, but that doesn't sound like something your grandpa would do.

[ Yugi's grandfather is a lot of things, but in Atem's opinion, scatterbrained or forgetful are not on that list. He turns his gaze back to Umbra then, wondering how it is that he can also see him, when it's Yugi who has the physical form. That in itself is just one more indication that Umbra and Pryna are not ordinary dogs. ]

What do you think he wants? [ The question is spoken halfway to both Yugi and to Umbra, as if he's not sure which one will answer first. ]

[ Yugi clasps Umbra's paw and shakes it in return. The Shiba Inu barks gently in approval, almost seeming to smile with his tail wagging more. Then, as if to answer Atem's question, Umbra leans down and nudges the box in front of him closer to the ghostly visage. ]

Maybe if he fell asleep while cleaning the shop? [ Even though, Yugi doesn't really believe that either. ] Unless Grandpa does know...

[ Sometimes it feels like everyone around them understands the world and the mysteries of what is going on more than either of them. Yugi sighs slightly, bending down and picking up the box that Umbra so insistently nudges with his nose. He gently scratches the top of Umbra's head in thanks before opening the deep, but not very long white box. A small note is at the top written in all too familiar handwriting. He pulls it out and flips it over, looking over the letter written in near perfect Kanji. ]

"I have yet to be able to fulfill my promise of making these in person for the both of you... I hope this will suffice for now, Luna."

[ He looks inside the box and moves the tissue paper away only to reveal a pastry that should look familiar to Atem. Yugi's eyebrows knit together as he glances up at his other self. ]

Luna made them for us. [ Not that he knows what they are, or even what promise Lunafreya is referring to. ] And you brought them all the way here, Umbra?

[ Umbra lets out a huff as if to confirm. ]

[ Atem watches Yugi taking hold of Umbra's paw, and he reaches out to give Lunafreya's faithful companion a pat on the head. He looks down to glance at the box that Umbra nudges forward once again. What could be in it? ]

Your grandfather does seem to know quite more than he lets people believe.

[ He's always had a notion that Solomon is quite perceptive and wise, but for reasons of his own, he keeps that under wraps for the most part. ] I suppose it's possible that he does know, and that he let Umbra in.

[ He can agree with Yugi's unspoken thoughts. So many people around them seem to know so much more than they do, and it seems as though their understanding of the mysteries and magic swirling around them all trumps both of theirs. It bothers him on some level, but what can he really do about it? He's doing his best to keep an open mind, to learn what he can, but it just seems that more questions arise at every turn.

But dwelling on that won't do him any good now, so he makes himself focus back on Umbra and the box he came all this way to deliver. He watches as Yugi opens it, pulling out the note and then shifting the tissue paper to reveal a pastry.

In spite of himself and his worries that seem to be his constant companions these days, Atem manages a small smile. ]

Oh, I see. She said that she wanted to make those for us, and now she has.

[ Of course, he would rather have her there too, but he supposes it's not up to him. ]

Thank you for bringing them, Umbra. [ He returns his hand to the dog's head, giving him a few scratches behind the ears this time by way of thanks. ]

Grandpa knows way more than he tells us. [ Yugi is certain about that. There's no way his Grandpa would just take something like the Millennium Puzzle so casually. There's no way he wouldn't learn something if Lunafreya's grandparents got involved.

He frowns. Why do any of these people that know refuse to tell them? It can't be a test or part of what it means to hold a Millennium Item. So, why, are they left in the dark? He's wanted to ask his Grandpa before, but, held back for Atem's sake. Maybe he shouldn't now. It feels like to much rides on all of it just to let them figure it out.

Yugi blinks a few more times and raises his eyes to his other self. ]

She did?

[ Yugi turns to face him with the box in his hands. He has the feeling it was something that came up during the time he was gone. They haven't talked about it because Yugi didn't want to push it. He was fine being left in the metaphorical dark if it meant keeping his other self on decent ground. Now, though... ]

Did she tell you what it is when I was gone?

[ He has no idea what the pastry is. It looks delicious, and something like Lunafreya would make. Why she would or why she promised are the pieces that are missing. ]

[ Atem's thinking along the same lines as Yugi. They had a conversation with Yugi's grandfather once, but now he's beginning to wonder if the time has come for them to talk with him again. And this time, their questions might be a little bit more specific.

And whether Atem truly wants to regain his memories or not, surely having a talk with Solomon will only help clear up some of the gaps in their knowledge. ]

Yes, she did. [ His gaze lands on the box in Yugi's hands as he goes back in his mind to that moment and that conversation. ]

I had asked her to tell me about her home, where she came from. And I also asked her what her favorite thing to eat was, and she said that it was this. [ He nods to the pastry contained in the box as he tries to recall everything she told him about it. ]

The fruit inside it is from her homeland. [ And it's only then that an actual smile lands on his face. Even if she's not physically present, somehow, he can feel her as if she's standing in the room with them. It's strange that a pastry should bring that feeling to life, but he's not about to argue with it. ]

[ Yugi watches how the expression on his other self's face subtly changes. It feels rarer to see anything but a far away look or some level of discontent on his face. Now, though, he is smiling and there's a light in his eyes. If just remembering that small conversation can bring him that much happiness... it shouldn't be so hard for his other self to ask to spend time with Lunafreya if he wants it.

He looks down at the box then back up to Atem. He gently lifts it between the two of them. ]

Then, you should be the first one to try it, Other Me.

[ Even if she made it for the both of them? Something tells him that Atem should be the first to eat it. She told him about it after all. It's something special between the two of them. Yugi knows it'll be a battle trying to get Atem to act on things, even if they've agreed on it, so every little thing counts. ]

Especially because I can tell you miss her.

[ He isn't certain when it began, but he knows that he associates true happiness with having Yugi and Lunafreya nearby. Knowing that they're with him and safe is all he really needs. And even though Lunafreya isn't with them now, at least some small part of her is, and he focuses on that. He just hopes that wherever she is and whatever she's facing, she remains safe.

When Yugi holds up the box, Atem's expression shifts to one of fondness and appreciation to the two people who have become his whole world. He only hesitates, because this seems like such an unusual reason for them to switch places. But there's no other way around it, and of course, he can't insist that they try it at the same time, because that's simply impossible.

He finds himself momentarily taken aback by Yugi's observation, but rather than deny it or downplay it, after a brief pause, he nods. He does miss her, and there's no pretending that he doesn't. ]

Of course I do. But she has important things that she's doing, and we'll see her again soon enough.

[ It's said to convince himself as much as it is to Yugi. ]

Edited (bonks html ) 2021-07-26 19:56 (UTC)

pfft I never got a notif for this

beep beep time to make yourself headcanon!

all aboard the headcanon train

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