synthneon | YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

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YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

			RAIN
		

( for once a post not continued from a meme!! we just continuing this hurt/comfort train down the way to hell. )

[ It was almost strange coming back home to Japan. It wasn't as if he had gotten used to being in America or their customs (or food - the size of the portions). More of it had to do with routine and getting back to normal day-to-day life. School work, tests, helping in the game shop. There were no tournaments, no life threatening situations. Strange is the word he guesses he'd put to it all if he had to find one. Somehow he had gotten used to the duels, the stakes, the adventure. Everything else is just... mundane.

That isn't the only issue, even though he'd like to point it to being the only one.

As the days go on and life returns to normal? The reality of time just becomes more apparent to him. Each day brings graduation closer. Graduation means the next step in their lives... and that means everyone will be going their separate ways. Usually Yugi can look past that. He can enjoy the time he has with everyone, but, it must be the combination of everything this particularly rainy autumn day. Graduation, what he'll do after school, and what he should do as the keeper of the Millennium Puzzle versus what he wants.

Autumn... graduation is in March. He'll be nineteen afterwards. It'll have been three years since he solved the Millennium Puzzle and woke the spirit that resides in it. Only three years. It feels like a lifetime, but, one he's glad to have had. A lifetime that he can't help but feel is going to be ending sooner rather than later despite what everyone around him says.

He knows everyone has noticed how quiet he has been the last few days. Atem still has been rather distant from everyone since they arrived back home. Yugi has decided not to bother his other self with what is going on in his head. Oh, he's sure Atem has sensed it and has even figured it out, but, he's still contending with his own issues left over from Dartz. Yugi doesn't plan to complicate that more with his own emotional battles. He'll have to rely on just himself if Atem ever leaves anyways...

Yugi steps into the entrance way of the school to grab his shoes. That is when he notices Anzu standing outside underneath the cover of the entryway. He looks down - making sure that she doesn't notice him - before trying to make the mental leaps on how to avoid her inevitable questions if he has been alright. He doesn't want to think about it. As far as he can tell, she has chosen which one of the two she likes, and he can't blame her for that. He knows she isn't going to take I'm fine as an answer too much longer. He doesn't want to think about how she'll be leaving shortly after graduation to study abroad - just like she has always wanted to.

Everyone has someplace and somewhere they plan to go but him. Even his other self has a destined path that moves him forward. Maybe all Yugi is meant to do is make sure each of them go where they're supposed to go. That might be his role in all of it. What is the point of all of it then? He finally makes the friends he wants and then has to see them all leave him behind?

He sighs and pushes down his frustration. It'll just bring more unwanted attention to himself. Especially from the spirit of the Pharaoh who is most likely worried but hasn't addressed it all.

Yugi closes the locker door and stares at the ground for a moment. With a sidelong glance at Anzu outside, he turns his back to the front doors. He supposes what he is about to ask is highly uncharacteristic, but, he's probably entitled to some alone time in his own soul room after everything.

'Other Me?' He gently calls out in their shared link. Part of him hates to ask this because it must seem spineless to a person that commanded armies and controlled a kingdom. 'Can you do me a favor?' ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ For just a few moments, Atem thinks of nothing else but the taste of the pastry and imagines Lunafreya setting to work making dessert for the two of them. It's one of the nicest things a person has done for him, and because of that, he finds himself wishing he could do what ordinary people do when someone has done something for them: write them a letter of thanks.

He hasn't yet noticed what's contained at the bottom of the box, but if he had, he would laugh, because it seems as though Lunafreya has thought of everything.

He does his best to savor each bite, but soon enough, his portion is finished and now it's Yugi's turn. ]

Are you ready, Yugi? [ His smile is still very much present as he asks his partner what he wants to do. ] I'm sure you'll enjoy that very much.

[ Yugi looks up at his name being spoken. He has a brief flicker of confusion before realizing what Atem means. There is a bit of hesitation only because he really would just rather hide away inside his soul room. That doesn't seem to be much of an option at the moment, so, he stands.

Then, he nods. He might as well since Umbra made the trip out. The dark furred pet remains where he has been, golden eyes watching the two and tail wagging slightly. ]

Okay.

[ It's only then that Atem realizes that perhaps he's allowed himself to go a little bit too far with his excitement because of Umbra's delivery and the pastries. Yugi's lack of enthusiasm reminds him that it really wasn't all that long ago that his partner was upset. ]

Of course, if you don't want to- If you'd rather wait for another time, that's all right, Yugi.

[ He chastises himself for being so thoughtless. ]

What do you want to do instead? [ He supposes the answer will be to retreat from the world for awhile, either through actual sleep or by retreating into the soul room. Either way, rest seems like a good idea. ]

Other Me.

[ He takes the step to close the distance between them and puts his hands on either side of the box. It's almost like they've swapped places more than just physically. It wasn't more than a month or so ago that Atem was the one wanting to hide away from the world. Yugi wouldn't say his struggles are on the level of what his other self was dealing with. He's sure he'll be back to his normal self in the morning.

Which means he doesn't want Atem to worry over him about this. Oh, he knows th at the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle will worry no matter what. They're partners. How the other feels and what they think is one of the most important things to both of them. ]

You smile when you think about Luna or anything she does for us. It's something you really haven't been able to do with everything that happened. [ He's observant. He recognizes these things. He just rarely points them out. ] If you like it, and it's something that makes you happy? Then, I want to try it.

[ He smiles just a bit. ] So... whenever you're ready.

[ Atem looks over at Yugi then, knowing that his worry is most likely plain in his eyes, but he can't help it. The nature of their bond means they share a lot of things, including how they feel and what they're thinking, even if sometimes those things can be suppressed or even cut off. Now, however, nothing's really in the way of that bond, and Atem just wants to make sure that his partner is and will be all right. ]

Well- [ He isn't surprised that Yugi noticed those things about himself. He is very observant, and it's not as though he makes much effort to hide those reactions when they happen. Yes, he tries to remain reserved and to not appear too excited, but in moments such as the one he just had, it's hard to keep that mask in place. ]

She's very special, and incredibly kind. [ 'Just like you are, Yugi.' He considers himself very fortunate to have such kind people in his life. ]

But yes, I would like you to at least be able to try it. [ It's something he wants to share with him, that's all. So he waits for a few more seconds before once again making the switch with Yugi. ]

[ He agrees that Lunafreya is a special person. Though, he'd also say that she remains uniquely special to Atem. All Yugi can do is give a small bit of a smile before shrugging. He might be incredibly kind. That doesn't make him special.

Still, he doesn't argue or try to make more of a point. He instead closes his eyes and takes his place back in his body. Yugi then sits down and puts the box down in front of him. He pulls one of the pastries out carefully. There's only a brief moment before he takes a bite of the pastry. Part of him cringes at the idea of eating anything at the moment. He does it anyways though, knowing that Atem is eagerly awaiting for his own reaction.

He pauses at how soft the pastry is. He expected it to be rock solid for some reason. Instead it tends to remind him of just how Lunafreya is as a person. Someone said that you always put a bit of yourself into what you bake. Yugi blinks then looks back up at Atem. ]

I haven't had anything like it before. [ To which he means the taste. Nothing that he's had in Japan or America is quite like this. ] You said it was a family recipe?

[ Are all the Oracles like Luna...? ]

[ Oh, Yugi is much more than someone who is incredibly kind, and Atem remains fully convinced of that. If he's being objective, between the two of them, Yugi is the kinder one, while Atem is darker and more flawed. Of course, Yugi's kindness has rubbed off on him to some degree, but he still believes that Yugi is quite far ahead of him.

But all of this is neither here nor there, and he supposes that it might be one area where they'll just disagree.

He watches Yugi as he tries the pastry, hoping that he also likes it. ]

I haven't either. [ There isn't much that he has had, but the things he's seen can't compare to what Lunafreya made for them. ] Yes, I believe that's what she said when we were talking about it. She made it seem as though it was very special to her.

[ And thus it means even more that she made it for them. ]

[ Yugi himself is far from perfect. His kindness might aid others, but it is depriment to himself. He is all too trusting and it has damaged them more than once. He is too willing to let people walk over him if it means making them happy. He won't sieze opportunities for himself. No, he'd rather his friends have all theirs out of fear of losing them.

He looks back down at the small pastry in his hand. ]

The two of you were really close while I was gone. [ There's no hate or begrudgement in his tone. Just a statement of facts. ] Now...

[ He's hardly heard from Lunafreya now that everything has settled down. He knows she travels, but, it feels like she's pulled away.

Yugi glances over at the phone. Maybe they should message her once he's responded to Anzu? ]

[ Well, no one is really perfect, as Atem knows only too well now. At least Yugi never gave into his rage and fear and caused him to pay the price, not like he did. And, well, if Yugi won't seize the opportunities that show up in front of him, Atem's determined to find some other way for him to have everything he deserves. ]

Now that you're back, things can begin to return to normal. [ Or at least, as close to normal as they can. ]

Lunafreya- [ He glances back at the box still in Yugi's hands. Of course he understands that she has responsibilities to see to: her duties as the Oracle, naturally, but there's also the thing that they discussed concerning Yugi and Atem's wish for him.

He knows why it seems as though she's pulled away, even if he doesn't wish to bring it up to Yugi. ] Lunafreya has a lot she still has to do. She'll see us when she can.

[ He nods just a little bit as he finishes the pastry. Normal. That would mean all of them spending time together like they used to -- Atem included. He's sure that they'll be able to find that footing again. He's done his best not to push Atem to be with them until he's ready. Hopefully, his other self will feel like he can be with them whenever he wants.

Yugi finishes the pastry and gives Umbra a thankful ear rub. The dark Shiba Inu gives a gruff sound in return with his tail wagging. His eyes move back to Atem once Yugi reaches for his phone to finally answer Anzu.

I'm open Sunday for whatever you'd like to do.
I haven't been making plans since we got back from America.
Thanks, Anzu.

He glances up to see the look Umbra is giving Atem. Umbra nudges the box again with his nose. Yugi frowns slightly before looking back within the box to find the red leather peeking through. He puts the phone down in his lap. He carefully takes the other bundled pastries out one by one until he finds what lies beneath.

A diary?

There's gold flowers embossed on the front, and he opens it to find beautiful stenciled pages. Everything is blank, save the first page. He reads only the first line of handwriting before closing it again. Yugi pauses, finally looking back up at the ghostly visage of Atem. Umbra nudges his arm as if to encourage him and Yugi can't help but worry it might not be received as Lunafreya intends for it to be.

Maybe it's because he has the feeling he's missed something happening between his other self and Lunafreya. He knows he has. What that is though...

Yugi finally holds the notebook up to Atem. ]

It's yours, Other Me.

[ In all honesty, there's nothing that Atem would like more: to be able to return to where he and Yugi used to be, a place they came to with such ease. And what's more, he'd like to be able to spend time with Yugi and his friends just like they used to do. Of course it was different, because Atem wasn't actually physically present, but he still feels as though he knows Yugi's friends well enough to call them his own as well.

It might take some time, but he hopes to be able to return to how things used to be.

He also smiles at Umbra in thanks, knowing that the dark-colored animal can see him just as clearly as Yugi can. But it seems as though Umbra's look is something more than just asking for acknowledgment for bringing Lunafreya's pastries to them. When Yugi looks back inside the box, Atem watches, wondering what else might be contained inside.

He's surprised to see the notebook that Yugi pulls out, and even more surprised when he holds it out to him. For just a moment, he hesitates, not reaching out for it, because he doesn't want Lunafreya's gift, if that's what it is, to slip through his hands and land on the floor. But he also hesitates because if he's understanding her intent, even without seeing what she's written on the book's pages, he doesn't want to become a distraction to her or her duties.

So to buy himself some time, he just asks: ] Is it really?

[ A nod. ] There's a note for you from Luna in it.

[ Yugi pushes himself up and gently places it on the desk. He knows it'll be unopened and unread until Atem takes the time to look at it. Still, he felt the physical gesture would mean more than him just saying it. His phone buzzes and he pulls it out of pocket. ]

＼(＾▽＾*) I'll see you then.
We can talk about where to meet up and what to do tomorrow.
See you in the morning, Yugi. Good night.
ε-(´・｀)

[ There's a small smile on his face as he wishes Anzu good night in return. Then, he looks back up at Atem. ]

Anzu and I are going to hang out on Sunday. Although, I don't know what we're going to do.

[ This time he promises not to swap places with his other self. He knows that Atem has been wanting him to spend time with Anzu on his own. There is this hope that somehow, he and Anzu will fall in love with each other. The thing is? He already loves her. He just knows somewhere inside him that it won't be more than a fondness between childhood friends.

Umbra gives a deep gruff again before standing up. Then, he goes and sits by the end of the bed and curls up. His amber eyes are still on the pair, but, he seemingly won't be leaving any time soon. ]

[ As Yugi already guessed, Atem merely looks at the book where his partner placed it, torn between wanting to pick it up and read what's inside and waiting to do so. But waiting for what? Of course he knows that simply exchanging words with Lunafreya won't negatively impact Yugi or his chances with Anzu, but he can't help but feel that the two of them placed a wall between them. They did so with mutual agreement, even if it was something neither of them liked, and it's that wall that's contributing to his overall hesitation now.

He's already seen the effects of what happens when people get close to him, and how those ripples are widespread and in all honesty, completely terrifying. Both Yugi and Lunafreya have had terrible things happen to them, largely because of their associations with him. Oh, Gentiana said that it was inevitable for Lunafreya as the Oracle, but part of him still believes that he was at fault.

For the moment, though, he decides to stop that train of thought before it can progress too far. He knows what happens when he lets his thoughts run away from him, and he's already on shaky ground as it is. He's come a long way in terms of recovering from the whole ordeal with Dartz, but he also knows that it wouldn't take very much to send him back into a spiral once again. That's what he'd like to avoid, if possible.

So he focuses back on his partner and on the plans he's made with Anzu. ]

I'm glad, Yugi. I hope that whatever the two of you end up doing, you both have a good time.

[ The smile he gives him then is wide and very clearly genuine. He only wants the best for his partner, and he sincerely hopes that with enough time together, perhaps Yugi and Anzu will finally realize how they feel about each other. ]

You should get some rest so that you're able to enjoy yourself tomorrow. [ Of course, if Yugi says he wants to stay up for a little while longer, and if he still wants his company, Atem will remain. It's the little moments with just the two of them that have come to mean a lot to him, and that's only been accentuated by their separation, even if it was temporary. ]

You've been waiting a long time for this.

[ At one point he would have thought it was a playful tag-back for Yugi setting them up on a date. Now, though, he knows that Atem wants to see them together. Yugi frowns and looks back at the red leather book. He knows that they've both agreed that Atem will request time to spend time with Lunafreya, and his other self never goes back on his word, but... ]

You should read what Luna wrote you. When I go to sleep.

[ He won't be taking 'no' for an answer.

He finally pulls his socks off and starts getting ready for bed. Not that sleep is going to come easily to him. He'd rather stay up and continue speaking with his other self. They haven't really just spent time together like this in a long time. ]

...how do you feel about dueling again, Other Me?

Well, yes, but not as long as you have. [ And of course, it's highly possible that nothing will change between Anzu and Yugi, but Atem still fervently hopes that this time, the two of them might finally come together.

As for Lunafreya, he misses her and wishes he could be with her, so he already knows he'll read what she wrote as soon as he can. But neither will he be rushing Yugi off before he's ready. He also wants to spend time with his partner and just talk with him about whatever comes to both of their minds.

The question that Yugi asks is one that's been in the back of his mind, but he also doesn't have a clear answer for it just yet. ]

I suppose, in a way, I can't imagine us not dueling again.

[ It's what they've done together for so long, but it seems like every time they take part in a tournament, something more than they could have anticipated happens. It makes for an exciting time, that much is true, but with that excitement often comes consequences, and Atem's not certain he wants to face those consequences, any more than he's certain he wants to put Yugi in that position. ]

What do you think about it, Yugi?

[ Yugi forces a smile out so he doesn't look as nervous as he feels. He really doubts this will turn out the way that his other self wishes it will. Maybe he's wrong... but he just expects it to be a friend-date. Regardless of inclinations of feelings, though, Yugi does know that he and Anzu need time to catch up. She probably has a lot on her mind that she's been worried about since their time against Dartz and the Orichalcos Leviathan God.

He sits on the bed, then, lays backwards on it. His eyes go up to the ceiling as he thinks about that. ]

I never really wanted to do tournaments. It wasn't until Pegasus roped us into Duelist Kingdom, and then you could get the God Cards for your memories from Battle City... [ he frowns slightly. ] Would I want to duel competitively just to be competitive?

[ He looks over at Atem. If there is something Atem ever wants to do? Then he'll do it and make sure it happens. No matter what it is. He pauses then. ]

If there was a tournament you wanted to enter, Other Me, I would. I... don't want to duel competitively if it's not the two of us doing it.

[ Of course Atem knows that he can't manipulate every situation, and he certainly can't make anything happen on this date, but he wishes that he could. If it was in his power to cause attraction to form and sparks to fly between Anzu and Yugi, he'd do it without hesitation. But perhaps all the two of them need is time to talk together and maybe attraction will develop on his own. He fervently hopes so, anyway.

He watches as Yugi lies back down on the bed, expression shifting into something more pensive as he listens to his partner. ]

Well, if you no longer wish to, then you know I won't ask you to. The two of us will just have to find something else that we can do together.

[ Never mind that he knows that might prove difficult, perhaps even impossible. But if Yugi no longer wishes to duel competitively, the last thing he intends is to force him, especially since he doesn't really feel that same drive to participate in tournaments either.

As Yugi pointed out, the only reason they did join Duelist Kingdom and Battle City was because there were outside reasons for it. It wasn't something they did by choice. But he realizes that he has the same opinion that Yugi does. ]

But yes, as you said, if a tournament comes up that interests you, I don't mind doing it together. [ That's the only way he wants to do things, at least as far as dueling is concerned. ]

[ For the first time in a few days, Yugi gives one of his genuine smiles. There has been a small part of him that has worried that their bond was irreversibly damaged because of the Seal of Orichalcos. Luna and Gentiana helped to get them to talk as they normally would. Still, he couldn't help but feel that he may never be as close to his other self as they were beforehand. He always feels as if he has to run after Atem to catch up to him. This wasn't that. Yugi was afraid that Atem would want nothing more to do with them. That he would just lock himself away in his soul room and never talk to him or anyone ever again.

Hearing his other self say together though... Yugi can't help but smile. ]

Together. [ He nods to confirm it. ] We'll just have to keep our eyes out for it. Otherwise, there's plenty of other games. It doesn't even have to be games.

[ The night they spent looking up things about Ancient Egypt... those are the sorts of things he wants to keep doing. Things that will make it so Atem can have a wide arrange of memories in case they can never get his back--even if they do get his memories back. Yugi wants Atem to be able to look at his time with all of them with a smile, even if there have been earth shattering moments.

Sleep does tug at the corners of his mind, but, Yugi doesn't want to sleep just yet. ]

Has there been anything you want to do or to go and see?

[ Seeing Yugi smile like that does something to Atem that he wasn't expecting: it makes him feel relieved and as though some of the worry and concern he's been carrying with him has lessened. It's still there with him, but he was also afraid that things would never be the same between them again. They might still be somewhat strained, but now he feels like there's a chance that they'll be able to recover from everything that happened because of what he's done. ]

You know, now that you mention it, I would like to experience other games besides Duel Monsters. [ It's what they're most familiar with, but he knows there must be other games out there. Of course he's seen games such as the one that Duke designed, but he still feels like there's other things out there that they could learn.

And then he pauses, because there is something he'd like to spend a little more time on, if Yugi's willing. ]

We spent a little time looking up history on your computer. [ Their progress there was interrupted, and in the aftermath of everything, resuming that was the farthest thing from his mind, but now that some of the dust seems to be settling, he wants to ask for that again. ]

Would you mind doing that again? [ Of course, there's some things that he knows, but it has been a long time for him and some of the details have become a bit faded over the years. He knows that he might not recall anything about himself or his life from such a search, but that's not all that can be found. ]

There's plenty of other games. We have board games downstairs in the shop, or there's video games. Most people tend to play those outside of card games now. Though, there's card games that are from out of Japan that I haven't really looked into. Then again, technically, Duel Monsters does come from America...

[ Yugi trails off with a bit of an embarrassed smile. It's easy to get him talking about games to the point he can never stop talking about them. It would be a matter of finding what kind of game his other self would like.

Then, he has an idea at the request from Atem. One he'll be keeping to himself until the time is right. It'll be a surprise that he'll need to research on his own too...

He sits up. ]

I wouldn't mind at all. What is it you want to look into?

[ He mentally makes note of all the options that Yugi's laid out for him. Of course, he enjoys the game of Duel Monsters, but he figures that it's time he learned a little about the other games out there in the world. To some extent, that particular game has had a shadow cast over it; shadows eventually disperse, so he's not worried about that, but part of him wants to learn a new game that he can play with Yugi just for fun. It might not be possible, but then again, they might find a way to manage it.

And of course, Yugi's enthusiasm for games of all kinds doesn't bother Atem at all. In fact, it makes him happy to see it. ]

If it's not too much trouble, Yugi- [ He pauses then, clearing his throat once. ] I'd like to learn how to play all of them: board games, video games, even another card game. Would you have the time for something like that?

Of course I have time for it.

[ He'd make any time that his other self might need. It doesn't matter if its with him, or Lunafreya, or even if Atem wanted to be alone. He'd find a way to make it happen. Yugi pushes himself off the bed and moves the box of treats from the floor onto the desk beside the red leather notebook. Then, he moves to the bedroom door with every intention of showing Atem what his Grandpa keeps in the storage room of the shop.

His dark mood still hangs in the back of his mind, but, he can focus on something else right now. He figures he'll take his time with Anzu in the morning in stride. For now? He wants to find a way to make his other self happy. Especially since it feels like continuing to talk about Lunafreya is a bit of a closed door. ]

[ Then, in spite of himself, Atem lets out an amused chuckle. ] Yugi, you know I didn't mean you had to show me right now. It's late, and you should be sleeping.

[ Of course, they both know that they wouldn't trade these nighttime talks for anything in the world, but too often, it seems as though he keeps Yugi awake late into the evening, although he's never heard his partner complain.

Still, he gets to his feet as well and moves after Yugi, knowing that once his partner has made up his mind, it's hard to get him to change it. ]

It'll give you something to think about tomorrow while I'm busy.

[ He looks back at his other self with a small knowing smile. Left on his own, Atem would doubtlessly wander the maze of the Puzzle. He'll probably even fall back into thinking about things that Yugi would consider solved. Except, it's rather obvious that the trauma from dealing with Dartz left more of an impact than what they faced in either Duelist Kingdom or Battle City.

Atem couldn't even look at what it was Lunafreya wrote him while he's not in control of Yugi's body. So, at the very least, looking at the other games in the shop might work as something else to keep the spirit's mind busy. It most likely won't work. Though, Yugi feels its worth a shot anyways.

The bedroom door opens and he quietly walks down the stairs, peaking around the corner to see if his mother or Grandpa are around. With the coast clear, he sets off to the storage room of the shop. There's more in here collecting dust than anything. Its saddening, but, the modern gaming scene doesn't see much worth in a lot of the older ways. Maybe that's something to consider trying to bring back after high school.

Yugi closes the door to the storage room and nods to his other self. ]

Have a look around and see if anything catches your eye.

All right, if you're sure.

[ He's used to his methods of passing the time. Not that time really means a lot to him, but he's grown accustomed to keeping an eye on it, because he generally knows when Yugi wakes up and when he's ready to go to sleep. But when he's inside the Puzzle, time really doesn't have a whole lot of significance. He's begun doing things like counting the number of times he's completed walking up an entire staircase and gone down it again, or how many steps are on a certain set of stairs.

And as Yugi already surmised, when he's not doing that, his mind does tend to travel back to thornier issues that he still believes he has to rectify, even if his partner would disagree.

As for Lunafreya, he intends to read what she wrote him, but not right now. Perhaps he will later, when the chance presents itself. For now, he wants to see what they might find in the storage room. The amount of dust in the room also makes Atem sad, but he supposes it only makes sense. The old ways are often replaced by the new, and that's just the way things seem to work.

He sees a variety of board games on the shelves, and all of them look intriguing, but he's decided that he wants to learn and hopefully master one before moving on to another. He points to the first one that leaps out at him, a shogi board and its pieces. ]

What do you know about this one?

YGO PSL | ❝ i forget why i stay, and wonder if they'd notice if i slipped away. ❞

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no one asked, cozy mood music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9ee_Ez6tFk

aw yis mood music. it's very cozy

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/wraps this up to move onto the next :3