synthneon | YGO PSL | ❝ you felt the gravity of tempered grace, falling into empty space. ❞

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YGO PSL | ❝ you felt the gravity of tempered grace, falling into empty space. ❞

			WAKING THE DRAGONS 
		

( welcome to hurt/comfort the psl, where feels are here and the timeline doesn't matter! ♬ tone music )

[ There had been more than once when Lunafreya had questioned quietly why she remained in the orbit of the small band of duelists. The worry of the Egyptian Gods had concluded, and the Nameless Pharaoh able to not only contain but appease them. By conclusion of the event alone she should have said her goodbyes and moved onward. Yet, a feeling nagged in the back of her mind. One that insisted she stay with the small band in Japan. She always felt as if she imposed on anyone far too much if she acted outside of the realm of the Oracle.

What could she ever offer someone beyond that of her station?

Events escalated quickly as they seemed to with Yugi and the Pharaoh. A new enemy, a spirit monster that needed her aid to speak to them, promises made, and an ancient magic that stole souls of those that lost their battles. It was something she had never heard of -- the Power of Orichalcos. Gentiana had said it predated even her time in their reality... which simply made Lunafreya wonder what more help she could give to them. It was Gentiana that insisted they travel with the pair to the United States. Lunafreya after all spoke both languages and could easily aid them in where money might be a concern. She offered her aid, and yet, still felt as if she was an outsider looking in.

The price of being the Oracle is what she had always presumed.

Ravus had always insisted that she had become Oracle too young. It held her back from too much of life. The world could go without the aid of the Oracle long enough for her to have a life of her own. Lunafreya disagreed. It caused more than one argument that eventually led to the strained relationship the two of them had. One she felt might continue until he too was oddly supportive of the venture to America with Yugi and his friends. Perhaps he felt it was a way for her to have even the smallest fraction of life beyond her duty.

Not that any of it quite mattered the moment the group had returned from hunting down Rafael. Lunafreya had elected to stay with Téa and Rebecca; they would need protection should someone come for them. All she could do was stand by and watch the scene unfold as the strongest link in their group broke piece by piece. She wondered if it was obvious to the others that every time they mentioned "the other Yugi" or "get Yugi back" that a bit more of their Pharaoh seemed to wash away. She wished to interject and put a stop to their remarks, but, knew it would do little good. All of them were attempting to handle the shock and grief in their own ways.

She made sure their fare was covered to Flordia. The train ride then the plane ride that would be following it. Joey was over the moon, given their conversation with Kaiba had not been as supportive as they had hoped. Duke decided to stay back with Rebecca and her grandfather, leaving the rest of them to travel to themselves. Lunafreya sat beside Gentiana and simply listened to their conversations. Tristan and Joey attempted to carry on as normal, while Téa did her utmost to try and raise the spirits of their Pharaoh and distract him. It broke her heart to see their close group seemingly fall apart bit by bit. It hurt more to see the strongest of them all shut them out. She had even reached out to grab his sleeve as he had walked by on the train to leave them, but Gentiana had stopped her.

"A time and a place, Lady Lunafreya."

Arguments with the ancient spirit monster were futile and she knew that. Yet, Lunafreya had wanted to chastise her best friend for the first time. Those around her that had been entrusted in her care were hurting and she could do little to help. Gentiana, of course, seemed to know exactly what she was going to say. The colder hands held hers to reassure her.

The train ride was thankfully uneventful as was the ride to the hotel where they'd stay the night until the flight the next morning. With their things checked in, the group tried to fumble their way through the next plan. It was Joey who suddenly elected that he, Tristan and Téa would go to dinner and they would all meet up before their flight. Gentiana supported the notion, even agreeing to go with them. Lunafreya stood in place for a moment, then two, a she debated which path to take. While it was an obvious answer, the young woman had always had difficulty moving to her heart if it felt conflicted with that of her duty.

Lunafreya stops outside the door for the room set aside for Atem. She has dressed in clothing that might seem unusual to her, but, she would rather not bring attention to herself as they attempted to move eastward. She raises her hand to the door and knocks gently with her knuckles. ]

Heika?

[ It's such a formal way of speaking, but, she notices the tone she says it in now. There is an air of endearment, personal respect, and care to it. Almost more akin to a personal nickname than a title. ]

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[ For his part, everything that's happened after Yugi willingly sacrificed his soul to save Atem has been little better than a blur. He knows that people are walking around next to him and saying things, but he hasn't been paying attention to any of it.

All he knows is that he let his pride and rage block out everything else, and in his complete selfishness, he let Yugi pay the price for his own mistakes. And to him, that's utterly unforgivable.

He's registered bits and pieces about the group's plan to go to Florida in search of clues, and there's been talk about catching a train to the airport and leaving from there, but essentially, he's just been along for the ride: not speaking, not looking at anyone... Even the sound of Kaiba's voice on the video call and the diatribe that followed didn't manage to rouse him from his stupor.

The only thing that's registering with him so far is the occasional mentions of Yugi and getting him back, and with each one, something inside him breaks apart even further. It's his fault that Yugi's gone, and he'd do anything to get him back, but is he even worthy of having anything to do with Yugi and his friends anymore?

In the moments that he's alone, he alternates between sitting or standing still, because there's no meaning to anything anymore except for his own failure. He's even pulled out his deck of cards and contemplated putting them aside forever. Was Kaiba wrong when he labeled him a disgrace, unworthy of holding the title King of Games? He doesn't believe so. Even now, as he looks at his deck, it feels as though every monster contained within it is turning away from him in disgust. And what's more, he can almost feel the heat of disapproval coming from the three Egyptian gods that reside inside it.

He's not fit to own them, nor to call himself a friend to Yugi or the others. The rest of the train ride passes relatively uneventfully, with Atem keeping to himself, unable to bring himself to rejoin the others, not even Luna and Gentiana. In his mind, he just imagines all of them looking at him with hate and judgment in their eyes, and he knows it can't be any worse than the own hate he's directing at himself.

Finally, when they reach their temporary destination, they all go their separate ways: Joey, Tristan, and Téa leaving for dinner, with Gentiana coming along as well. Atem's already sequestered himself in his designated room, and he's not really certain what Lunafreya's doing.

He's already been alone for the majority of the train trip, but even now, he's still not in the right mindset to be around others. That harsh inner voice of his chastises him, telling him he can't trust himself around anyone ever again, because what happens if his rage awakens and someone else winds up hurt? It's a risk he can't take, and thus he can't allow himself to put others in that position again.

The room is quiet, almost to the point of being overwhelmingly so, but it doesn't matter. Atem balls his fists in front of him, and he feels tears threatening at the corners of his eyes. But he hasn't allowed himself to cry, not since the moments immediately following Yugi's loss. Nothing will ever matter again, and how could anything ever be the same again?

Even if somehow, they manage to restore Yugi's soul and bring him back, how could he even bring himself to look his partner in the eyes?

He's ignored all furniture in the room: the bed, the chair at the desk, opting to sit on the floor with his back to the wall. That's where he is when he hears the quiet knock on the door and the equally quiet voice, and he just lets his head drop, gaze falling to the floor. He thinks he knows who it is that's standing outside the door, but she's one of the last people he wants to see. Her quiet understanding and compassion would undo him now, because there is no understanding for what he's done. And he's the last person who deserves compassion. Surely, she'll leave when her knocks go unanswered, because he has no intention of standing up to let her in.

It's best for everyone if he be left alone. None of them might realize that or accept it, but it's what he wants. ]

[ Truth be told, Lunafreya hadn't expected an answer. Why would he answer her when he had barely said a word to those that are closer to him? Part of her had hope that he would at least tel her to leave him be. She stands at the door for more than a moment. Two. Three. The passage of time isn't something she is paying attention to. Her attention is solely on the door in hopes that it might open.

It has been clear there will be no answer verbally or non-verbally. She frowns, fingers toying with one another as the realization sits in. Most would decide to simply leave him to his misery at that point. She, however, has been known to be steadfast and far more stubborn than most might believe. A glance is sent in either direction of the hallway before she opens the door just enough to let herself in.

There is already a point to make formulating in her mind as her eyes adjust to the unlit room. She notes the open curtains and the evening moonlight starting to filter in. Her hand stretches out to summon her Trident, taking a few more steps further in the room. A bed, chair, desk, and television for general entertainment. It is quite standard for a hotel room... with the exception of a discarded duel disk and deck on the desk as well. Lunafreya frowns at the sight, but focuses her attention on the man she's looking for. Then, she sees him, tucked against a wall and on the floor.

She moves to stand in front of him. There is no expectation he will answer as he has yet to do so far. Instead, she waits for him to adjust to her presence. No rash or sudden movements. Everything she does is done with a certain level of precision and care. She lowers herself to sit down in front of him, laying her Trident across her lap and folding her hands over it. A few moments later she reaches out and gently places her hand on his knee. Her eyes never break from where his eyesight would be if he were to raise his head to look at her. ]

Heika.

[ Soft, gentle. There are no questions, no prodding for him to move or to speak. No attempts to cheer him up or motivate him to make the next move. A simple word to let him know she is there in the room and will not be leaving him.

She is angry at herself for listening to Gentiana for so long. What if he has thought she did not care about his state of being? What if he thinks she has thrown him to the side because he has failed one duel? The mere idea that someone might think her so shallow is frustrating and infuriating, but, now is not the time for that. She can speak to Gentiana when the time comes. ]

[ The words that he might have normally said have frozen themselves in his throat, and his voice refuses to cooperate. What would he say to her anyway? Order her to leave? And would she listen? He's decided that it's far easier to remain silent and hope that she grows tired of waiting.

There's no room for anyone else inside what might as well be a locked cell for himself and his dark thoughts. A person like Luna, who is all light and grace, doesn't need to have anything to do with someone like him.

So he remains unaware when the door opens and she slips inside, even when the small crack of light spilling in from the hallway slowly widens. His head is still dropped low, as if he no longer has the energy to hold it up, knowing this is a very unbecoming position, even for a displaced Pharaoh, but believing that no one is here to observe him, he abandons his usual posture for no posture at all.

That is, until he hears quiet steps approaching him, and he knows that can only mean one thing. He is not alone in this room, not anymore. That notion is confirmed when he registers a hand resting softly on his knee. He feels rather than sees her sitting in front of him, Trident within easy reach.

Then he hears her voice, and that word she's called him almost since their first meeting. It does nothing to rouse him this time, but he does have just one thing to say to her. ]

Please, leave.

[ He isn't angry with her for not coming earlier than this, nor does he think she delayed because she doesn't care. It would have been better if she hadn't come at all, but knowing what he does about her kindness and her caring nature, it isn't surprising.

But now that she is here, he can't have her stay. This isn't a duel; the Orichalcos card isn't present, and yet he feels that he's too dangerous to be close to. What if he loses control of himself again? There's no telling who might be caught up in the danger, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to her too, so soon after losing Yugi. ]

[ She had not expected an answer at all from him, let lone those words in particular. His words sting in a way she did not expect them to. Plenty have rejected her aid, her healing, her support... none of those rejections have caused her to react in such a way. It feels as if the breath has been taken from her lungs, and water gathering her eyes. Her fingers curl into the fabric on his knee.

It does more than sting. It aches to see him in such a way. It hurts to be pushed away in the manner he has.

The reaction to pull away and follow his request is strong. A temptation to recoil in her own pain of rejection. There is no way for him to know how or why his words sting. It takes Lunafreya a fleeting moment to realize herself. She had not come to aid him as the Oracle would to the Pharaoh, but as the girl would to the boy who needs someone at his side. It is a very subtle difference and not one she would think even the keenest of minds would see. So rarely does Lunafreya act as herself first instead of the Oracle that many might not even know the difference.

There are so many ways she could phrase what she needs to. So many, in fact, that it takes her another moment to decide on which to say. ]

No, I won't. [ An ounce of formality drops in her speech. She once argued with her brother on what was the right path to take; the right action. While the urge to recoil in her own reaction lingers, Lunafreya refuses to move from her decision. ] Not yet.

[ Her other hand curls tightly along the grip of the Trident. It is hard for her to speak so plainly of her own emotions or desires... let alone ask for acceptance at such a personal level. Still, she feels this is what she should do.

She lifts the Trident from her lap only to rest it long side the both of them. Then, she pushes it away. A metaphoric show of the weight behind her words. She is not here as the Oracle, but as Luna. Her other hand raises from his knee to rest over his hand. Those tears still gather in her eyes. ]

I won't tell you to put on a brave face for the world. I won't say that you need to think of our next steps, or even where we might be going. I won't force you to fight or to commune with your gods.

[ She won't mention how Yugi is gone. It is obvious and the lack of his presence can be felt by all of them. ]

Please, let me stay with you for even a little while, Yami-sama.

[ Later, when he's managed to defeat the dark thoughts of shame, failure, and guilt, he'll come to her (if she'll allow him to) and apologize for pushing her away so abruptly and without consideration for her own feelings. But now, he can barely stand being with himself, let alone another person.

Everyone falls eventually, and now he too knows what it's like to fall. Others have called the lofty way he carries himself arrogance and pride, and he's never really disagreed, but even though he's never put a label on it, it's always seemed like a carryover from his past life, a remnant of how he used to be when he was Pharaoh.

Some disdain him for it, others just accept it as part of who he is, but now in the wake of all this, he's beginning to realize just how blind he was to the truth.

He is no better than anyone else.

But it isn't until Luna quietly states her intention to not leave him that he finally lifts his head to look at her. Even so, when he forces his gaze to meet hers, the spark that's always there has fled, leaving only a dull emptiness behind.

He glances to the side when she moves the Trident from its place close at hand, but he doesn't comment on that either.

The blankness in his eyes doesn't lessen even as his glance travels down to where her hand rests on his. He can't even begin to understand how she can be so steadfast in the face of so much trial and difficulty, even when she knows the wrong that he's committed.

He opens his mouth to say something, to express his surprise that she can even stand to be around him, but his normally confident voice falters.

Earlier, when it was just him alone in the silence of the hotel room, he had wanted to scream about the unfairness of it all, but neither words nor sound would come. But even giving voice to his emotions wouldn't have eased the storm in his heart.

It isn't until she uses that name, a name she hasn't spoken until this very moment that he forces himself to make genuine eye contact with her.

But he still doesn't speak, just stares, hollow-eyed, as if he's never seen anyone quite like her before and can't find the words to explain how he feels: unworthy when he's in the presence of Yugi's friends, and even more so when faced with Luna's calm and understanding.

He's a storm, wild and unrelenting, and for that reason, Yugi's paying the price for his error. ]

Edited (wanted to add a few more details ) 2021-05-29 01:29 (UTC)

[ By all fairness to him, Lunafreya had no idea she would react the way she has. There has always been a fondness for Yugi, his friends, and the displaced Pharaoh. It accompanies a sense of wishing to protect them and give support where she might. This, however, is much stronger than fondess and the desire to give support. It runs deeper and far more personal. Perhaps she has felt that there is a sense of familiarity between the pair of them. They are two people that have adapted t the modern world, yet still remain oddly apart of it by nature of who and what they are.

The look in his eyes is heartbreaking. The implications of what Yugi had said during their first conversation strikes her in that moment. Atem had no memories of who he was before Yugi completed the Millennium Puzzle. All he knew was what Yugi did through his emotions. Their unique situation made it so the two were inseparable. He could not remember a time without the younger soul at his side. It is an irreplaceable bond and it has now been shattered. Lunafreya wonders if his friends truly understand what that that means to the man in front of her. Do they begin to fathom the loneliness he must be feeling?

She makes a decision in that moment that she will never back away from. No matter what may come. That decision is what gives her look a subtle confidence to reassure him.

Of course she had never forgotten the name he had given her when they first met. It simply felt right to address him in a proper way to respect his once title and birthright. If anything, it was a formality tinted with affection. Now was not the time for titles or formalities. The old soul in front of her had thrown down the mantle of kingship, and therefore addressing him in such a way would only push him further away.

His gaze hardly unsettles her. Most stare when they realize her healing abilities, or just at how formal she remains in the modern world. It feels far more personal to Lunafreya then the countless faces she has aided over her short time as Oracle. It could be a simple matter of her internalizing things, believing what she wishes to see. He may not even return the deep affection she has for him. After all, she has only come to see it herself since this downward spiral began.

All that she can hope is that he sees her as herself in this moment.

If he is a storm then it must be her charge to calm them.

Lunafreya moves then - Slowly, deliberately so he can see every movement - and settles beside him. Her hand curls around his to hold it in her lap where her Trident once was. Small little motions that speak with greater meaning. Ever true to her word, she says nothing and gives him the time to do as he wishes. ]

[ And similarly, Atem couldn't have predicted how quickly he'd lose sight of his formerly solid foundation of doing what's right and doing his best to not hurt others in the process of his own goals. How quickly he descended into rage and pride, all sense of humility and kindness gone, just as Yugi's soul is now gone.

A shadow seems to fall over his eyes like a curtain being drawn as he thinks back to the things Rafael said to him. At first, he wanted to dismiss the words as sheer nonsense, but the more he's thought about it, the more he's realized the man could be right. Without his memories of his past life, who is to say that he wasn't truly an evil Pharaoh?

That thought, combined with Yugi's loss, is enough to crush him and send what's left of his heart breaking into even smaller pieces. It isn't just the emptiness and loneliness he feels with Yugi being gone that's troubling him so greatly. It's the fear that maybe he wasn't the benevolent ruler he assumed he was; that in reality, he was feared and hated by his own subjects.

Was he cruel to them? Did he send them to their deaths as punishment? His hands clench back into fists at that thought. If that's the case, then could this be his own punishment? Being deprived of his memories and made to reside as a spirit inside a magical object for the rest of eternity? It's a strange sort of punishment, if so, but his worried thoughts are conjuring up all sorts of unsettling scenarios.

As he's looking at Luna, he's wishing he could voice even half of the fears running through his mind, but then another fear rears up, larger and louder than the rest. If he can't regain his voice, and acknowledge her for staying by his side when he doesn't deserve it, what if she decides to leave him after all?

He's not sure when Lunafreya, the Oracle, became so important to him, or how it happened so quickly, but at some point in the course of their conversations, she made a place for herself in his heart and in his life, and the thought of losing that so suddenly just adds to the weight that's pressing him down.

It isn't until she shifts, settling in closer next to him and reaching to take hold of his hand that some of the doubt and fear that's been keeping him frozen cracks. It hasn't broken completely, but small cracks are forming, and the ice hasn't begun to freeze over again just yet. ]

Luna... [ His voice sounds hoarse and foreign to his ears. ] How can you still be beside me, after everything that I've done?

[ He has more that he wants to say, but his emotions are rising again and threatening to choke him, so he's forced to stop there. ]

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:( and the breakdown continues, sorry atem

it's okay, we can fix him... eventually

well alright /gets the plot bonking devices

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