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synthneon2024-01-10 07:34 pm
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2024-01-10 07:34 pm
Entry tags:
dead of night || ❝ i see what’s coming, it’s coming into light. ❞
Inside this room, you left your mark
I burn away the shadows, I strike a spark
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When she moves more into his hold, he just stops, wanting to do nothing else but hold her and take in this moment that both of them have been waiting for. Nothing else seems to matter, not talking, not taking action, just stopping there and holding each other. But even as he does, the ache in his shoulder seems to grow as if the emergency pack Ripley put on the wound is no longer doing its job. That's only confirmed when Jesse carefully touches the spot and feels blood. He hadn't even realized it was still bleeding, or maybe it just started bleeding while he was talking to her.
His gaze shifts down and he shakes his head slowly. ] No, I'm- I mean, yes, I am, but it's fine. Ripley took care of it. [ Except if it's bleeding again, then that's not a good sign, but he doesn't want her to worry about it. No, it doesn't really make sense in Alan's mind, so maybe he's lost more blood than he realizes, but he still doesn't want a fuss made. The injury will heal eventually, but he wants to put off getting it looked at.
He's never been a fan of examinations, associating them with being poked by needles. And right now, considering the very large poke he got from the hook, he doesn't want to be poked by anything or anyone, doctor or not. ]
Jesse, it's fine, I'll be fine. [ He tries to protest, but she's pressing his forehead against his and then tugging at his hand, trying to guide him away.
No, I- I don't-
His thoughts suddenly turn panicked and he feels a cold sweat breaking out over his shoulders. Maybe shock is actually setting in, making stringing a complete sentence together difficult.
He doesn't have time to argue further, as they're already out of the room and going up a flight of stairs. Eventually, they reach a hallway and a door, and another room that seems like it's shifted into place. Alan goes through the motions of following the doctor's directions, wincing as he removes his jacket and shirt, the buttons giving him a hard time, but he manages it after awhile.
With the pack removed, the pain seems to swarm back in all at once, and Alan feels uncomfortably hot and cold at the same time. Maybe ignoring the wound and hoping it would heal on its own wasn't the smartest choice after all. He doesn't protest about the stitches, but once the doctor begins putting them in, Alan tenses, hands clenching against the discomfort, even with the area numbed.
But it's over soon enough, and the doctor departs for the time being, leaving Alan and Jesse alone. His gaze immediately shifts to hers, his eyes locking onto hers as he takes a few shaky breaths. He doesn't want to be dramatic about it, but the wound itself hurts more than he wants to admit. He'll shake it off, of course, because it's not even that serious. And the last thing he wants is to make a scene about something that's not a big deal.
His hands immediately press against hers when she takes them in her hands. Oh, he's missed her touches, how she holds his hands. He's missed her, being with her, knowing she's with him. He's missed her green eyes and fire red hair. He's missed everything about her. ]
Yeah... that's about how it happened. And- well, I didn't want to tell you about the hook because I knew you'd start to worry. [ If he wasn't holding her hands and if his shoulder didn't hurt like hell, he'd move a hand to awkwardly rub the back of his neck. He knows by now that she'll worry about him anyway, whether or not he tells her about things like disturbingly sharp hooks. ]
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She shouted enough in the Bright Falls AWE observation room when no one was looking or listening anyways.
Polaris' gentle resonance rolls from her hands and over Alan. Not that Jesse could stop it. She generates the resonance and it fills every aspect of this place. As it should, it's bits and pieces of the Oldest House. Control Points are washed inside and out with the resonance. He can't go anywhere here without feeling her to some degree. The Fog or Entity could invaded and it would certainly be a battle.
Just one on Polaris' home turf.
A smile tugs at the corner of her lips at his statement. ] Hooks aren't something to walk off if you survive a trail, Alan. They can't heal it in the thick of survival. Depending on who or what was hunting you... sometimes it's not just a hook.
[ Her head tilts slightly. She slowly pulls herself closer to be in his space entirely, never letting go of his hands. ] We're in another dimension. Obviously. One it looks like the Buearu hasn't encountered before. Where you are right now? It's the Oldest House--HQ. Parts of it, anyways.
[ « It's not exactly how I had hoped to show him the House. » ]
The Oldest House is basically a threshold within itself. Sort of like Cauldron Lake. It opens up and changes how it is, but the Control Points anchor a shape and size to it. That's why you'll see them everywhere. [ « And why he'll feel YOU everywhere he goes here. » ] It's... only parts of the Oldest House from what I can tell. Namely the Executive area. Except the Medical Wing, that usually is a whole different area...
Open thresholds happen all the time in the Oldest House. One opened up, and we sent rangers in like normal. Except it wasn't just a normal threshold. It was this... Fog. It rolled through the entire Oldest House. All of us were separated, and eventually, found one another. We found this warehouse that connects to the House. Or, is the House. It can change its appearance on the outside... and be unnoticed if it needs to.
So, we're still assessing how much of the House and the Bureau has been taken over. We've made some progress, but when any of us disappear for a time into what the other survivors we found call "trails"? It's a bit harder. [ Jesse frowns. ] There's another entity out there. And this what they just call it, "The Entity." It feeds off everything in this threshold. It'll put us in these insane trails up against something or someone trying to kill us all and sacrifice us to this "Entity".... then, we wake back up in random places. The Buearu has made systems to get people back here and in regular check ins. Just so we know what's going on. Or, try our hardest.
[ She glances down, then back up at him. A golden pyramid pin is in her messy bun, holding it all together. ] And now it's pulled you in here too. You, not a projection of you.
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Maybe the positves here are far outweighed by the negatives, but as silly as it might be, Alan's choosing to focus more on the good things than the bad. For one, Jesse and Polaris are here. For another, he's awake for the first time in years. They might be in trouble here, but all Alan can think of is how he can be himself now and not a threat to others... not someone to be afraid of or someone to be looked at with a distrusting eye.
Now, he just wants to help. But more than that, he just wants to be with Jesse, in whatevr way that looks like around here. ]
Well, I guess that means you're going to have to show me the ropes, because I don't know what more a hook can be besides just a hook. [ He shrugs and then winces again because he forgot that moving his shoulder kind of hurts. ] I'm getting the feeling that there's a lot I still need to learn, and something tells me there's not a lot of time to learn it.
Another dimension. Of course. [ He assumed as much already, but it seems like just another day in the life for him that he'd try to get out of one dimension only to land in another. And then he just looks at her in confusion. ]
So... so you're saying it brought your headquarters here. It connected to it, took it over, and- [ He shakes his head. He understands things a lot better now, but this is something he's having a hard time wrapping his head around. ] I thought I understood how you did it when you made a connection between your apartment to the Dark Place, but- I don't understand this. But even if I don't understand much of anything, I can learn as I go, so... what can I do to help?
[ He's here now, and he's determined to do his part, whatever that ends up being. ]
And not to be cocky, but this Entity has to have a weak spot that we just have to find. There has to be something we can to do get you all out of here.
[ He thought he saw a flash of gold when he first approached her, but he gets enough of a glimpse of it now to see that it's holding her hair in place. A stray thought enters his mind and for a second, he considers removing it and letting her hair fall out of the bun so he can better touch it. But he decides that can wait for a moment. ]
Yeah. It got me, but at least we're here together, right?
[ And this time, I'm not leaving her. This time, it's my turn to protect her. Maybe even save her. Somehow. I'm still figuring that out. ]
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Her fingers curl around his wrists. ]
There's... a lot. It may take a while. [ Still, she squeezes his hands. ] Not including knowing your way around the Oldest House. Well, what's here of it anyways.
[ A nod. Another dimension. There is no getting away from it when it comes to her. It's her job. Exploring and seeing these dimensions to keep them out of their reality as much as possible? That's what the Bureau does. She'll always be weird and have the weird around her. Hopefully, that won't deter him in the future from her. ]
I think the apartment only connected to the Dark Place because it connected to you, Alan. Thresholds to other dimensions open up all the time in the Oldest House. They're... connected, in a way. What causes an AWE is when those dimensions meet ours in something... really, really bad. Like Ordinary or Bright Falls. [ Jesse tilts her head slightly. ] What must of us are trying to do right now is survive and gather resources to help each other keep surviving. Researchers that came with us here are trying to pull notes and information together about the Fog and the Entity... but it's slow.
[ Her eyes seem to brighten at his last statement. They're there, together. Somewhere they can fight on equal footing. Not one of his stories, or Scratch, or something else. Her hold on his hands tightens a fraction. She really can't express how much it means to her. ]
Yeah. Together.
[ Then, her gaze softens and her eyes drop. ]
Dylan's missing.
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Well, hopefully we have awhile. [ His lips turn up into a smile that's the one he reserves solely for her. It reaches his eyes and makes wrinkles form at the corners, but it's unmistakably happy. ] I'd like to get acquainted with the Oldest House, if it lets me.
[ He's already begun thinking of the Oldest House as something sentient, based on the wording Jesse's used, so in his mind, it's not that hard to think that it might not necessarily like it if he pokes around. But maybe knowing Polaris and Jesse will help. Maybe. ]
I wonder if that connection to your apartment still exists. I hope it does. [ Because if he just gets sent back to the Writer's Room, he'll still want to use it to pay her visits from time to time. ] As for trying to survive and gather resources, well, I think I can definitely help with that. [ He's gotten a little resourceful himself over the years in the Dark Place. ] I already met Arish. He seems like a good guy.
[ His smile widens a fraction, and then it fades again when she mentions her brother. He instinctively squeezes her hands in return. ]
What do you mean, he's missing?
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A small shrug. ] Well, it didn't blow you up the moment you stepped in. It must not mind you too much. [ She pauses to let him react before smirking. ] It doesn't appreciate any newer technology inside it. We think it has something to do with cellphones and the modern era not being in the human subconsciousness long enough or... something. It's not really my area.
[ Jesse leans a little closer to him. ] I hope it doesn't, because you'll be coming home with the rest of us this time. One doorway into another, right? You won't need a key to visit me in dreams. You'll have a real key. I mean, you'll have moved in with me. You're going to need a key. [ She smiles. ] Arish is one of my management team members. It's not surprising you met him already.
[ She sighs as her gaze stays downwards. ] We had him set up in a containment cell here in Executive... monitoring him while he was in coma. That whole room hasn't shown up yet. So, he's missing.
Again.
[ « I should of lined it with black rock... done something. Something more. Now, we need to find him again. » ]
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[ He just smiles at her again, but this time, it doesn't quite reach his eyes. There's a part of him that still feels as though he can't tell whether or not he'll make it home. There's too many variables and too many unknowns, and he just can't shake the feeling that it's not going to be that easy. ]
Yeah. One doorway into another. I'd like to move in with you. I'd like to be there when you get home from work. [ I'd like to have a life with her.
His expression sobers more as what she's saying about Dylan sinks in. ]
He can't just be gone. You'll find him again, I'm sure you will. [ And then his expression shifts again to one of thoughtfulness. ] Maybe there's a way to find him.
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[ He may not be able to tell if he'll make it home, but she's going to make sure that he does. This time he won't get the chance to dive back into the Dark Place. She won't let it happen. "Return" tied her hands last time. Now, there's no story in place. This is a regular fashioned AWE. That's her territory. That means it plays on hers rules. She'll make sure of it. ]
You're going to. [ Her tone says there is no room to argue or doubt. When her mind is made up? She's going to make it a reality. Somehow. ] We've talked about it before... even planned it. So, now, we make it happen. First? We just solve this mess going on.
[ A small nod even though her eyes are still downcast and to the side. There's no doubting what Alan says. It's simply the fact it seems she can either hold onto him or Dylan and never both at the same time. ]
He's either back with the rest of the Bureau... or he's in coma lost somewhere in the Fog.
[ « What happens to someone in coma in the Fog? Do they get possessed? Are they just... asleep? Is Dylan still Dylan? I... I don't know. » ]
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[ Truthfully, he doesn't want to go back to the Dark Place. It feels as though there isn't a reason to now. But maybe that's just him not wanting there to be a reason. Maybe he won't have a choice. But maybe something will be different this time and maybe he really will get to come home. He just isn't allowing himself to be too confident in that possibility. ]
I guess I'm just resigned to it not being that easy. You know how I get, how I am. Asshole, you know. But yeah, you're right. First things first: figuring out how to solve whatever the hell this is and find a way out. [ I just might not be able to make use of that way out. But that's just the way things go.
Maybe he's wrong, and maybe he's not so good at reading her anymore, but he thinks he knows what's on her mind. Or maybe he just feels like trying to reassure her. At least he has the confidence to back up his words. ]
Look, you found me, didn't you? Or I found my way here and found you in the process. Either way, we're together. You're going to find Dylan again, and he's going to wake up. Maybe he is still with the rest of the Bureau, or maybe he'll turn up here. A part of me hopes he does turn up here so that at least you'll be able to see him and have that peace of mind.
[ He's quick to squeeze her hands again, hoping his words do what he intended and reassure her. ]
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Her expression falls at his question. Eyes flick downwards before meeting his again. The internal battle to tell him how long it's been is clear on her face. She already knows the answer. He'd want the truth even if it doesn't make him happy. ]
Fourteen. [ Her voice drops into those small ranges again. ] 83rd Annual Deerfest just passed. It's... it was going to be my fifth year as Director before we showed up. Who knows how long it's been in our reality now.
[ A pang of loneliness strikes her gaze before she can hide it. That Christmas after the 2023 AWE had been miserable. Alan was still gone, Dylan was in coma. Most of her management staff took time for the holiday. Well, minus her and Emily. Emily is married to her job, and well, Jesse's only family is kept within the Oldest House. She didn't want to go back to her empty apartment on Christmas.
A hint of a smile returns to her eyes. She really does love seeing Alan determined and ready for a fight. He would say he's not the same man that dove into the Lake, but Jesse still sees that man. He's just older, worn from his experiences. He's still Alan Wake. ]
It's... complicated with Dylan. I'm not sure being awake would be the best in the Fog. [ She shakes her head, enough of that talk. Her hands squeeze his back as she leans into his space. ] What ahout... us?
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Shit. I'm sorry. [ He's not even sure why he's apologizing, except for the fact that he hasn't been able to be there for her like he's wanted to. ] I'm sorry that I wasn't there, and I'm sorry you got dragged into this. It's- you're not supposed to be here. I know none of us are, but you and everyone else who got pulled in should be back at your headquarters, not here.
[ How does part of a building, sentient threshold or not, get brought into an entirely different dimension? And how do you get it to go back?
His shoulder chooses that moment to ache uncomfortably and his expression pulls down into a frown because of the discomfort and because he's not happy that Jesse got dragged into this. That look of loneliness on her face didn't escape his notice, and he just wants to do something to make sure she's never that lonely again. ]
I know, but- even if he wasn't awake, at least he'd be here. [ His frown deepens as his mind goes over what he's learned and the implications of it all. It's nothing that he particularly likes, but when it comes to things like this, there's not much to like.
What about... us?
His gaze fixes back on hers when she asks that question, and seeing how she's already slid back into his space as if she never left, he does the one thing he's been wanting to do since he first saw her here. He leans in closer, which is quite the feat considering how close they already are, and presses his lips onto hers. ]
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This? These kind of things is our jobs, Alan. Either we get pulled into them or the local population does. We'd rather be at the epicenter and deal with it before it leaks out further. We can't fully avoid things like Bright Falls. Ordinary. But, we can do everything we can.
[ She knows that ultimately he would want to apologize for leaving her at Cauldron Lake. For having to drive back into the Dark Place and stop Scratch, save Saga, Logan, Casey. She doesn't want apologies about it. They had to do what the story demanded to change the ending. He had to go to the one place he never wanted to go, and she had to let go of control so he could. There was nothing they could do because they had already tried everything else.
The story could only be altered inside of it and by the key players. Neither of those were her, regardless of Alan's emotional attachment to her as a character in the story. She hates it, but she had to accept it. It's not something she wants to go back over.
The last thing she wants to remember is him driving off into the night. The emotions haven't faded. The heartbreak, the pain, the frustration, the helplessness. The loneliness. ]
Technically, we are in the Oldest House. Just parts of it. If we could find the Light Switch Cord, we might be able to access other parts and find a connection back go our reality. No such luck yet.
[ She shakes her head slightly. ] Would it be Dylan... or something else?
[ « I never told him what happened to Dylan. There was never enough time. I hoped to introduce them, even if Dylan was just unresponsive. Guess that idea isn't going to happen the way I'd want either. I really need to stop imagining how things could go.
Nothing ever happens that way. »
Jesse had expected him to use words like he always does. Instead, he choses to do her way of things. Actions. Eyes widen in surprise for only a moment before they shut and she kisses back. He probably only intended a brief kiss, but Jesse isn't having that. She kisses him in full, hands moving to his elbows, leaning into him further.
« I'm not letting him go this time. » ]
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It's because of people like me that this insane stuff happens. It catches the attention of the Dark Presence, and then- boom. You get AWEs. At least, in Bright Falls, anyway. [ He shakes his head, wondering if she'll understand where he's going with this. But he won't know unless he tries. ] I'm not saying I'm taking all the responsibility, because why would I? But I still can't help but feel partly responsible for what happened in Bright Falls and... and for what you had to go through.
[ He's certain she doesn't want to hear his apologies, or his expressions of guilt, but he has to at least acknowledge what he put her through. ]
Okay, so we have to find the Light Switch Cord. [ He nods in understanding. ] Any other objectives we need to be working towards?
[ His expression turns serious once more, and he asks: ] What do you mean, something else? Not something like Scratch, I hope.
[ A part of him did plan on kissing her and then pulling back, but this time, she surprises him. He pressed his lips against her mouth, but he didn't lean all the way into the kiss, because he was unsure of how she might respond. So when she kisses him in full, and when she places her hands on his elbows and leans in, he finds himself surprised.
His eyes slide shut too, and his hands slide around her as his own resolution to not let her go only solidifies further in his mind. As far as he's concerned, they could stay like this, locked in an embrace and kissing each other until an interruption inevitably comes. But hopefully if it does come, it won't be too soon. ]
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« Classic storytelling. She has to let the hero go see the end head on, knowing he may not come back. And he didn't come back. He came from the Dark Place, but he never came back from "Return." »
She looks to the side with a frown. ] Not all of it is your fault, Alan. Or even artists fault. AWEs... these things happen with or without your nudging.
When we find ourselves back out in the fields and areas the Entity puts us? We try to bring anything salvageable back. Anything helps. [ She looks back at him. ] Bringing each other back helps too. Just, don't be surprised if people don't always reconcize you. It sounds like memory holes happen if you die in a trial.
[ She pauses. ] Scratch, the Hiss... who knows what else.
[ Why shouldn't they kiss like this? They're reunited. The hero finally home from his trails and tribulations. Changed, but the same person. It's no different than a soldier coming home from wad. He's fought his war against the Dark Presence and won. He's home.
If he counts home as being with her.
With that thought in mind, she leans further into the kiss. One hand raises to his cheek while the other wraps around him. Her Writer, finally home from the night. ]
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He feels like he's made quite a few mistakes along the way. Done things that count as missteps. It's hard for him to shake off the feeling of guilt that he feels for all the people he dragged in, and for all the things he did to Jesse that caused her upset and hurt. Maybe Door was right in casting judgment on all the convoluted rules and hoops he set up for himself. What did any of them accomplish in the end? Maybe if he'd just been different, been smarter, he would've acted differently. ]
Not all of it, but some of it is. A lot of it is. What I put you through is my fault. It's my fault, and I need to make up for it.
I'll do my best to bring back anything that I find. [ But then his expression changes and he huffs out a dry laugh. ] Memory holes. That's great.
[ I guess some things just aren't going to change. ]
All I know is, I'd like to see your brother come back, to see him wake up. Because you've been waiting all this time, I hope that he wakes up soon. You've waited long enough.
[ They are reunited, and they deserve this, but even as Alan kisses her hungrily, he knows that she deserves it more. The war he fought over the last fourteen years was one he made. One he stepped into. It was one that he dragged out a lot longer than he needed to, if what Warlin Door said is true. In a way, he trapped himself by himself. He didn't create his own prison, but he made escaping it harder.
Because of that, he's not sure this counts as a win. But maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe all that matters is that he's home. He's home because Jesse's there. Jesse's his home, the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. And now that he's out, he intends to do just that.
He's home, and he's hers, and that's all that matters. ]
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« One day we'll be a family again. If... that's what he wants. I have a lot to make up for. He may not be interested. That's fair. I left him behind. » ]
Okay. So, how do you plan on doing that? [ Her tone says she doesn't think he needs to. Though, she realizes she can't change his mind. ] The memory loss isn't the same as what you were having in the Dark Place. It doesn't always happen either.
[ She leans into his hungry kisses and responds in kind. The hand slips behind his head to hold him as she presses entirely against him. A break only happens so she can catch her breath before kissing him again. She's missed him. Not that she plans on saying it. He knows and doesn't need to feel beaten down more than he already is. It'd be a waist of time.
The hand wrapped around him slides down his back. Fingers gently push under the waistline of his suit pants. There is no intention to push further or imply something heated. Just ... touching him again. Feeling him now that they're not in a dream or a altered reality caused by a story. Being with him again even though by "reality" they were never really together. ]
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His expression shifts as those feelings of guilt come up to the surface and show plainly on his face as he tries to come up with a response. ]
I'm coming home. I don't know how, or when, but I will come home. And when I'm home, I promise things will be different. I mean it. It's not some platitude. I'll be home, I'll do whatever you need me to do, whatever you want me to do. [ In a way, past and present are colliding, and Alan's desperately trying to communicate to her that he'll be better.
If Alice could hear me, I'd tell her the same thing. I will be better, because I spent so long not being better. I was- terrible. Selfish. I won't be that person anymore. ]
I'll show you. I will. [ He feels her lean in more and feels the way her hand slips behind his head, and for just a moment, his eyes slide closed as he feels something like comfort wash over him. How long has it been since he felt someone holding him? Jesse was probably the last person to do that, but he can't remember how long ago their last meeting was, at least not in numbers and figures.
He continues to hungrily kiss her as her hand travels down his back, the feeling sending off little shockwaves with each touch. When she pushes her fingers beneath the waist of his pants, he lets out a small sigh. He knows they don't need to turn this moment into something heated, although if she wanted to go that way, he wouldn't complain. No, all she needs to do is touch him and he's all but putty in her hands. He's missed touching another person and being touched in return, so her touches are practically making him melt in her hold. ]
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Her gaze softens. She doesn't bother to repeat the fact that she considers him home. If this isn't a story he's written--and the lack of manuscripts show that to her--then he can return to their reality with them. Maybe traverse through the Oceanview Motel if needed. Either way, he doesn't need to promise to come home any longer. Although, again, she knows Alan doesn't see it as a fulfillment of his promise until he is in their reality again.
Her head tilts. ] All I want is what we talked about together. I don't need you to do anything else. We'll figure out what kind of life you want to live together--being a writer or whatever else it is. We'll figure it out.
[ A brush against Alan's mind happens once again. This time it's not Polaris. It feels more like a familiar touch. One that Alan should know so well. He was married to the woman it belongs to. A gentle brush. A reminder that Alice Wake is still with him in some way or form that doesn't need defining. A guiding light, a comfort, a bearer of information. She knows he swears to be better and she will do whatever he needs to help achieve that. The darkness can't have Alan again.
A smile is pressed against his mouth at his sigh. It should be obvious how much she's missed him. A year is just a marking of passing time. Time doesn't matter when they spent so much together outside of it. It can't properly line up how long they've spent together. How long they've known one another, how many times they've been together. It's all lost to the waves of the Dark Place.
« That doesn't matter. I missed him. He missed me. We're in love. He found us again. What matters is being with him now. No more time straints or entities trying to possess him. Just us, and Alan.
That is... if he doesn't mind you being here. I don't think he does. »
Heated is best left for her office. The doors locked. Where else would she sleep in the Oldest House?
Fingers thread into his hair as the ones below his waistline move back and forth. She gently pulls at his bottom lip. She wants to be closer and to think and feel nothing but him. The fact anyone could walk in on them hadn't escaped her mind, but, she hardly worries about it.
« It's not like the whole Bureau doesn't know. Things don't stay secret like this for long. Besides. Better to have two parautalitarians together then waring and pulling the whole place apart. » ]
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But what has changed about him is his willingness to accept that the paranatural exists. Other realities exist, and there's no more pretending that they don't. He's not really sure how to approach living life with that knowledge, but it's something he'll figure out as he goes. ]
I want that too. I want to give that to you, to keep my promise. I-
[ He opens his mouth to say something more, but the words stop before he can say them. He's just felt that brush against his mind, and he knows it just as well as he's beginning to know how Polaris feels. He's familiar with how Jesse feels, and he's reaching that level of familiarity with Polaris too. But this touch is one he knows equally as well.
Alice.
Maybe the truth of the matter is that he has three people- well, two people and one otherworldly being helping him in their own way. Polaris's assistance might only be because of Jesse, or because he's the Champion of Light, but he counts it as assistance regardless, and at the end of the day, he's grateful for the guidance from each of them.
He's missed her, and he'd repeat it like a mantra if he thought she needed to hear it. But the fact of the matter is that they both missed the other and both of them know it. It doesn't need to be said. It's communicated in the way they kiss each other, in how he responds to her touches and to being held. If all he feels is her, and the same is true for her feeling him, well, that's all Alan really wants.
When her fingers twine into his hair, for a moment, a memory surfaces: the memory of pacing frantically around the Writer's Room, hands pulling at his own hair as he spiraled further into panic and closer to a breakdown.
That isn't how this feels. This feels safe and comforting, two things Alan hasn't felt in a very long time. It might be that this is a strange place to feel safe in, but he can't pretend that he doesn't. He feels safe around Jesse, and he hopes she feels the same when she is around him.
He brushes his lips lightly against hers, and pulling back just slightly, he brushes the tip of his nose against her nose in what might seem like a silly gesture, but there's nothing but love behind it. He loves her, and he hopes that she knows it. ]
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Her head tilts slightly as he cuts himself off. Something caught his attention and all she wonders if it's another threat. She smiles at him regardless. They can make their desires real now. They can start here, in what remains of the Oldest House.
Alice smiles gently at him. Debts repayed and her husband out of the Dark Place. She'll continue to give whatever information and guidance is needed when she can. But, now is the time for Alan to live. She was given the chance to after he freeded her from the Lake.
Now, it's his turn.
She huffs a laugh at their nose touching. The look in her eyes says she finds it an endearing gesture. She leans forward to press her forehead to his. Oh, she knows he loves her. She can feel how much he's missed her. A year for her probably felt like an additional eternity for him. How many stories has he tried since they stopped "Return"? How many more attempts will she never know about? He doesn't seem to have suffered the way he did between disappearing in 2010 and then 2023...
Jesse tilts her head, tempted to rest against his shoulder and just be held. There's work to be done an things to teach him and show him about not only their situation, but the Oldest House. Her life as Director. ]
Ready to get going?
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As for Alice, just seeing her smiling at him further comforts him. Both she and Jesse are good at knowing how to put him at ease. There is a part of him that wishes he had had more time with Alice, had the darkness not gotten in between the two of them. And he means the darkness inside himself, not only the darkness of the Dark Place. But it seems as though she's forgiven him, and doesn't hate him, although she'd have the right to.
I'm sorry, Alice. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from... from everything. I should have been better, but I'll try to be better now. I will be better.
Even if it's silly, even if it's nonsensical, he still feels he has to say those words to Alice, even if it's only in his mind. It's part of finding closure, and he's still figuring out how to get that.
His focus shifts back to Jesse then, and he takes in that look in her eyes. Maybe rubbing their noses together was silly, but he's always been a bit of a hopeless romantic in some ways. Or maybe it's just that he likes touching her. He doesn't like to think about the Dark Place now that he's out of it, but at least in a figurative sense, part of it came here with him: the memory of it.
He wonders what happened to the pages that he wrote in an effort to bring himself home. Are they still scattered on the desk? They didn't come here with him, so either they're still on the desk where he left them or they faded out of existence when he came here. It probably doesn't matter, but he still can't help but wonder. He remembers writing a lot, putting down countless drafts in hopes that one of them would see him home.
But what else did he do? It's not really important, but the memories still seem to cling to him anyway. She couldn't know the dark nights and dark hours he had when the silence became deafening. The only thing that got him through it was imagining her there with him. Sometimes he held her, other times she held him, but he just imagined that she was there, and it helped make the time feel less long and lonely.
But he's not lonely now, because he's here with her, and none of those lonely nights matter anymore. He'd like to just stay with her here like this for a little longer, but he feels her shift, and his gaze turns down to meet hers. ]
Yeah. I'm ready to go. [ Because really, he'd go anywhere with her. ]
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She stands at his agreement, hands sliding to rest on one shoulder and then against his cheek. She is careful not to touch his injured shoulder. Another press to his forehead before she reaches over and grabs his shirt. Jesse helps him slide it on, then puts the tie in the pocket of the jacket. She holds his jacket in her hands, figuring he doesn't need it on to add the weight to his injury. ]
I can't really give the grand tour, but I can show what we do have here. Give you the basics. Then, show you my office. [ Jesse let's the implication hang in the air. ] We can catch up. If you want.
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He smiles at Jesse even though his shoulder protests and twinges uncomfortably. It'll probably take time to heal, and he's never been good at waiting, but he doesn't have a choice. Once his shirt is back on and she's secured the tie and his jacket, he reaches for her to take hold of her hand. ]
I'm good with the basics. The grand tour can wait for another time. And I definitely want to see your office. [ The smile he gives her should let her know he understands what she's implying. ] It'll be good to catch up.
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