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outlierdirector) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2024-01-10 07:34 pm
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2024-01-10 07:34 pm
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dead of night || ❝ i see what’s coming, it’s coming into light. ❞
Inside this room, you left your mark
I burn away the shadows, I strike a spark
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His expression shifts as those feelings of guilt come up to the surface and show plainly on his face as he tries to come up with a response. ]
I'm coming home. I don't know how, or when, but I will come home. And when I'm home, I promise things will be different. I mean it. It's not some platitude. I'll be home, I'll do whatever you need me to do, whatever you want me to do. [ In a way, past and present are colliding, and Alan's desperately trying to communicate to her that he'll be better.
If Alice could hear me, I'd tell her the same thing. I will be better, because I spent so long not being better. I was- terrible. Selfish. I won't be that person anymore. ]
I'll show you. I will. [ He feels her lean in more and feels the way her hand slips behind his head, and for just a moment, his eyes slide closed as he feels something like comfort wash over him. How long has it been since he felt someone holding him? Jesse was probably the last person to do that, but he can't remember how long ago their last meeting was, at least not in numbers and figures.
He continues to hungrily kiss her as her hand travels down his back, the feeling sending off little shockwaves with each touch. When she pushes her fingers beneath the waist of his pants, he lets out a small sigh. He knows they don't need to turn this moment into something heated, although if she wanted to go that way, he wouldn't complain. No, all she needs to do is touch him and he's all but putty in her hands. He's missed touching another person and being touched in return, so her touches are practically making him melt in her hold. ]
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Her gaze softens. She doesn't bother to repeat the fact that she considers him home. If this isn't a story he's written--and the lack of manuscripts show that to her--then he can return to their reality with them. Maybe traverse through the Oceanview Motel if needed. Either way, he doesn't need to promise to come home any longer. Although, again, she knows Alan doesn't see it as a fulfillment of his promise until he is in their reality again.
Her head tilts. ] All I want is what we talked about together. I don't need you to do anything else. We'll figure out what kind of life you want to live together--being a writer or whatever else it is. We'll figure it out.
[ A brush against Alan's mind happens once again. This time it's not Polaris. It feels more like a familiar touch. One that Alan should know so well. He was married to the woman it belongs to. A gentle brush. A reminder that Alice Wake is still with him in some way or form that doesn't need defining. A guiding light, a comfort, a bearer of information. She knows he swears to be better and she will do whatever he needs to help achieve that. The darkness can't have Alan again.
A smile is pressed against his mouth at his sigh. It should be obvious how much she's missed him. A year is just a marking of passing time. Time doesn't matter when they spent so much together outside of it. It can't properly line up how long they've spent together. How long they've known one another, how many times they've been together. It's all lost to the waves of the Dark Place.
« That doesn't matter. I missed him. He missed me. We're in love. He found us again. What matters is being with him now. No more time straints or entities trying to possess him. Just us, and Alan.
That is... if he doesn't mind you being here. I don't think he does. »
Heated is best left for her office. The doors locked. Where else would she sleep in the Oldest House?
Fingers thread into his hair as the ones below his waistline move back and forth. She gently pulls at his bottom lip. She wants to be closer and to think and feel nothing but him. The fact anyone could walk in on them hadn't escaped her mind, but, she hardly worries about it.
« It's not like the whole Bureau doesn't know. Things don't stay secret like this for long. Besides. Better to have two parautalitarians together then waring and pulling the whole place apart. » ]
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But what has changed about him is his willingness to accept that the paranatural exists. Other realities exist, and there's no more pretending that they don't. He's not really sure how to approach living life with that knowledge, but it's something he'll figure out as he goes. ]
I want that too. I want to give that to you, to keep my promise. I-
[ He opens his mouth to say something more, but the words stop before he can say them. He's just felt that brush against his mind, and he knows it just as well as he's beginning to know how Polaris feels. He's familiar with how Jesse feels, and he's reaching that level of familiarity with Polaris too. But this touch is one he knows equally as well.
Alice.
Maybe the truth of the matter is that he has three people- well, two people and one otherworldly being helping him in their own way. Polaris's assistance might only be because of Jesse, or because he's the Champion of Light, but he counts it as assistance regardless, and at the end of the day, he's grateful for the guidance from each of them.
He's missed her, and he'd repeat it like a mantra if he thought she needed to hear it. But the fact of the matter is that they both missed the other and both of them know it. It doesn't need to be said. It's communicated in the way they kiss each other, in how he responds to her touches and to being held. If all he feels is her, and the same is true for her feeling him, well, that's all Alan really wants.
When her fingers twine into his hair, for a moment, a memory surfaces: the memory of pacing frantically around the Writer's Room, hands pulling at his own hair as he spiraled further into panic and closer to a breakdown.
That isn't how this feels. This feels safe and comforting, two things Alan hasn't felt in a very long time. It might be that this is a strange place to feel safe in, but he can't pretend that he doesn't. He feels safe around Jesse, and he hopes she feels the same when she is around him.
He brushes his lips lightly against hers, and pulling back just slightly, he brushes the tip of his nose against her nose in what might seem like a silly gesture, but there's nothing but love behind it. He loves her, and he hopes that she knows it. ]
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Her head tilts slightly as he cuts himself off. Something caught his attention and all she wonders if it's another threat. She smiles at him regardless. They can make their desires real now. They can start here, in what remains of the Oldest House.
Alice smiles gently at him. Debts repayed and her husband out of the Dark Place. She'll continue to give whatever information and guidance is needed when she can. But, now is the time for Alan to live. She was given the chance to after he freeded her from the Lake.
Now, it's his turn.
She huffs a laugh at their nose touching. The look in her eyes says she finds it an endearing gesture. She leans forward to press her forehead to his. Oh, she knows he loves her. She can feel how much he's missed her. A year for her probably felt like an additional eternity for him. How many stories has he tried since they stopped "Return"? How many more attempts will she never know about? He doesn't seem to have suffered the way he did between disappearing in 2010 and then 2023...
Jesse tilts her head, tempted to rest against his shoulder and just be held. There's work to be done an things to teach him and show him about not only their situation, but the Oldest House. Her life as Director. ]
Ready to get going?
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As for Alice, just seeing her smiling at him further comforts him. Both she and Jesse are good at knowing how to put him at ease. There is a part of him that wishes he had had more time with Alice, had the darkness not gotten in between the two of them. And he means the darkness inside himself, not only the darkness of the Dark Place. But it seems as though she's forgiven him, and doesn't hate him, although she'd have the right to.
I'm sorry, Alice. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from... from everything. I should have been better, but I'll try to be better now. I will be better.
Even if it's silly, even if it's nonsensical, he still feels he has to say those words to Alice, even if it's only in his mind. It's part of finding closure, and he's still figuring out how to get that.
His focus shifts back to Jesse then, and he takes in that look in her eyes. Maybe rubbing their noses together was silly, but he's always been a bit of a hopeless romantic in some ways. Or maybe it's just that he likes touching her. He doesn't like to think about the Dark Place now that he's out of it, but at least in a figurative sense, part of it came here with him: the memory of it.
He wonders what happened to the pages that he wrote in an effort to bring himself home. Are they still scattered on the desk? They didn't come here with him, so either they're still on the desk where he left them or they faded out of existence when he came here. It probably doesn't matter, but he still can't help but wonder. He remembers writing a lot, putting down countless drafts in hopes that one of them would see him home.
But what else did he do? It's not really important, but the memories still seem to cling to him anyway. She couldn't know the dark nights and dark hours he had when the silence became deafening. The only thing that got him through it was imagining her there with him. Sometimes he held her, other times she held him, but he just imagined that she was there, and it helped make the time feel less long and lonely.
But he's not lonely now, because he's here with her, and none of those lonely nights matter anymore. He'd like to just stay with her here like this for a little longer, but he feels her shift, and his gaze turns down to meet hers. ]
Yeah. I'm ready to go. [ Because really, he'd go anywhere with her. ]
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She stands at his agreement, hands sliding to rest on one shoulder and then against his cheek. She is careful not to touch his injured shoulder. Another press to his forehead before she reaches over and grabs his shirt. Jesse helps him slide it on, then puts the tie in the pocket of the jacket. She holds his jacket in her hands, figuring he doesn't need it on to add the weight to his injury. ]
I can't really give the grand tour, but I can show what we do have here. Give you the basics. Then, show you my office. [ Jesse let's the implication hang in the air. ] We can catch up. If you want.
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He smiles at Jesse even though his shoulder protests and twinges uncomfortably. It'll probably take time to heal, and he's never been good at waiting, but he doesn't have a choice. Once his shirt is back on and she's secured the tie and his jacket, he reaches for her to take hold of her hand. ]
I'm good with the basics. The grand tour can wait for another time. And I definitely want to see your office. [ The smile he gives her should let her know he understands what she's implying. ] It'll be good to catch up.
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