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outlierdirector) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
synthneon2023-11-29 09:38 pm
outlierdirector) wrote in synthneon2023-11-29 09:38 pm
Entry tags:
oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞
You were there by my side on the frontline
When I thought that I fought without a cause
You gave me a reason to try
no subject
He doesn't know what she's thinking, or that she's wondering if he's so afraid of being taken or stolen or losing himself to the Dark Presence, but he would feel the slightest bit of embarrassment if he knew she'd guessed at his mindset and thoughts.
But then she shifts, moving her leg over his and positioning herself in his lap. He wants to look away, to avoid her gaze, but with her sitting where she is and with how close they are together, he finds that hard to do. Her eyes are latched onto his, and he finds her presence so magnetizing that he can't look away. His eyes lift to meet hers, and they stay there, riveted by her and how close she is.
He can't hide when she's looking at him like that. Maybe he can't hide at all. ]
... Yeah. Yeah, I did. I- I need your help still. It's just- [ I'm scared. Terrified, even. ]
How do you fight something like this? People aren't supposed to fight insane darkness monsters or whatever the hell this is. But... [ His focus returns in full, and even though there's visible fear in his eyes, he doesn't look away. ] If you can help... [ He takes a breath, because he can't remember the last time he trusted someone like this. ]
Then I'm going to trust you.
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[ Technically, she forced his hand to instruct her how to get to him. Even then, he was the one that sent the message looking for her. Alan called out to her and she answered. She just how he came to her in Bright Falls and she helped.
Jesse raises her hands and puts them on either side of his face. ]
People aren't supposed to fight darkness monsters? [ Her eyebrows narrow slightly. ] Things like this are everywhere, Alan. Even if they're not always the Dark Presence. I don't know how it happens. Why it happens. There's... it's like a poster on the wall. Everyone is looking at it. Sometimes something creeps out from behind the poster, through this ... this hole it's covering. Ordinary. Bright Falls. They're real. People fight them. Where else do urban legends and folk stories come from?
Polaris... she was something like it. But, good. Nice. [ « Before you went away. » ] I trusted her to help me stop what happened in Ordinary. You trusted her to help do whatever it was you did in Bright Falls. She's gone--it's just me. So, I'll do whatever I can. Whatever you tell me.
...maybe you'll come home that way.
[ She leans against him, eyes never leaving his. She can feel the gentleness of that tug towards him. The gravitational that Alan always seems to have when it comes to her. A pull that she can't ignore and always turns her head towards him. No matter where he is. ]
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[ Even if she did force his hand, he can still be grateful that she showed up for him. He missed her, and he couldn't help but be afraid that he'd never see her again, no matter what promises they made to each other.
His eyes lower and his gaze falls, but then he feels her hands slide into place against his face, and he slowly looks up at her again. ]
You know what I mean. Doctors don't fight darkness monsters. Surgeons. Teachers. Librarians. Things like this might be everywhere, but that doesn't mean everyone sees the darkness. [ A pause. ] Maybe they see the poster but do they see what comes out from behind it? People fight them, but only certain people. People like you and me. Other people don't believe in it. They don't believe in what's behind the poster.
The monster under the bed doesn't exist. The urban legends and folk stories exist, but that's all they are to some people: legends and stories. How do you make people believe that the monsters are real?
[ He gives an involuntary shudder in spite of himself. ]
Polaris is going to come back. [ He pauses again. ] She'll come back, just like I'm going to come back. I'm going to come home.
[ If he says it enough, maybe he'll start to believe it.
She leans against him, and Alan feels or hears something urging him to pull her even closer to him, so that's exactly what he does. There shouldn't be anything separating them, not even the smallest space of inches. Even an inch is too far apart, somehow. They're supposed to be together, and if the darkness tries to stop them, well- then Alan's going to be one of those who fights the darkness whenever he needs to, and even if he doesn't need to. ]
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You can't make people believe in them. They have to see it themselves and accept it... and most people never will. It's why we're special.
[ Special because I have someone who believes.
Her eyes flick down to his lips then dart back to the gray ones she loves. He tugs her closer. She presses against him entirely with only the sheet separating them. Keeping them from being skin to skin. The fact they had been intimate the night before seems hardly relevant as that pull drums louder and louder in her head. ]
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So it's always been like this. Maybe I couldn't see it or maybe I wasn't ready to, but it's always been there. Things really aren't what they seem. ]
You wanted this. You wanted confirmation that what you knew was real. [ It's just a statement, looking for confirmation that Jesse was open to the possibility of the world being bigger and scarier than most people knew. He's not even sure why he needs that confirmation; maybe because knowing that she welcomes it and accepts it could help him do the same. ]
I need to learn to accept it too. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying. I know I can't close my eyes to it, at least.
[ Even if I did, the darkness would be there. It might even get me and take me away.
He feels her pressing herself against him, and suddenly his interest in talking goes away. He doesn't want to talk right now; he just wants to feel her and have her feel him, and so he presses himself against her in return. One hand curls itself around the sheet between them and gives a quick tug, as if asking if she wants the last barrier between them removed.
It's not even a barrier that hasn't been crossed, as they did that the night before, but he knows he'd cross it with her again and again, as many times as she wants. ]
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Physical proof helps. It's just not the validation I was looking for.
[ Her forehead gently rests against his. Have they done that before? It feels like they have. ] I wanted... I wanted to be with you again. If that means being in the dark and fighting to bring us both home? Okay. That's what I'm going to do.
[ It's not just that. It's this... whatever it is that is trying to be Alan. I want it gone. Away. It's not him. I want HIM. It won't go away. It's like this ... this cloud or blanket I can't get off of me. It only felt like it was gone when I found Alan.
When she asked how to find him.
Jesse easily slips out from underneath the blanket. She presses fully to him again. Skin on skin, hips to hips, forehead to forehead. She wants to feel that place again only they seem to exist in. Just the two of them. Maybe she can't feel it without Polaris, but, she has to be able to try. If Alan comes home and Polaris is never there again... it's up to her.
Not that Alan would be coming home without her. She isn't leaving him here.
Eyes drift downwards again. That pull inside her demands to be with him. ]
no subject
[ He moves in a little closer and his hold on her tightens just a fraction, as if saying without words that she won't lose him, not if he has anything to say about it. ]
I'm sorry about your family; I'm sorry you lost all of them. But I know you, and I know you wouldn't make up something like this.
[ She rests her forehead against his, and he leans his forehead against hers in return. ]
Okay. We'll fight together. [ Somehow... her on her side of things, him on his. And maybe one day, they'll be on the same side again.
But then she's pressing herself against him, and every part of her is touching him, and he's touching her in return. They fit together as if they were made for each other, and he can't stop the pleasured moan that escapes him.
If they have to be apart whenever these moments come to an end, he wants to make sure he remembers this. He wants to remember how she feels. He wants to remember how they feel when they're together.
He wants to remember everything. ]
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[ Jesse imagines he sent that text out enmass. Whatever signal he could find. How he found hers without Polaris... maybe they do have some kind of deep connection that she may never understand. Or, she's afraid to understand it. If she does, will he disappear into the night again? ]
After we finish this new story? You'll show me what you have. I may not be able to write... but, maybe I can help somehow. [ Because, he's not leaving me behind again. ] There's a way to come home from the night and we are going to find it.
[ Her intuition is trying to tell her it won't work out that way. Something is going to happen. She doesn't want to listen to it. She's staying with Alan. Her mind has been made up and no story or dimensional borders are going to keep her from making that real. No matter what everything in her is saying.
An almost sense of desperation fills her. She had to stay with him. Even more, that darkness seems to try and tug at her attention. It wants to get in. It wants her to accept it, not Alan, and she refuses.
That doesn't mean she isn't scared of it.
Jesse pushes against him at his moan. Her lips brush against his as her shoulder shake slightly. Somehow the Champion of Light phrase shifts into her mind. That's Alan. Who he is.
And she needs it to keep the darkness away. ]
Alan...
[ « Help me. » ]
no subject
The words resonate in Alan's mind, or at least, they attempt to, but he's not sure if he truly believes them yet. He wants to believe, and he wants to have hope that he'll find his way back home one day, but everything seems so impossible. Hopeless, even.
I can't give up. I have to keep trying. I have to keep believing. She's not giving up, so I can't give up either.
Before he can do or say anything else, however, he senses a shift in her demeanor, her attitude. Her composure. She seems desperate, unsettled. She pushes herself against him, and he wraps his arms around her to pull her closer.
He doesn't really know what he's doing, short of holding her and hoping his closeness helps somehow. Helps with what? He doesn't have an answer to that unspoken question.
But if she's looking, she might notice that the lights around them are glowing a little brighter, and they're even beginning to gradually shine a little brighter, growing in brightness a second at a time. Alan himself hasn't noticed anything; he's just holding onto her, hoping that somehow, this helps. What if it doesn't? What if nothing I do helps?
As far as he can tell, he's still in the dark. Oh, there's the street lamps, but they seem dim to Alan's eyes. He can't tell that it's growing brighter, or that the brightness seems to be coming from him.
Maybe he's in too deep to see the light for himself anymore. ]
no subject
{ Come on, Jess. We both now the guy is screwed. He ain't coming home to you. He doesn't even want to really come home. I promise he's given up on the whole thing. This little stint? It's just the final goodbye tour. }
No. NO. He's coming home. You're wrong.
Jesse feels the light more than she sees it, with her attention split between Alan and the encroaching feeling and words in her mind. She presses her mouth to his, trying to keep his full attention on her. They can kiss, go another round, either way is fine with her. Just as long as all their attention is on each other to beat back the horrors of the night.
Even if it is morning. ]
no subject
They don't have to get too deep into intimacy, going all the way again, unless that's what she wants; if she just wants to kiss and feel each other that way, he's more than happy to oblige.
If this helps keep the horrors lurking around at bay, then he'll do what he has to, in order to keep both of them together and as safe as they can be from what lurks inside and outside. ]
no subject
He loves her.
And she loves him.
Jesse kisses him back, trying to figure out how to pour all her love into the motion. Just like he does. She's said she loves him--declared it for the first time. Does he know how much it means that she said it? That she's trying to show him through actions? Is any of it reaching him or is she throwing the words into the night?
Words try to form in her mind to answer the questions. She knows it's not Alan. He can't answer in her mind. ]
no subject
Every kiss, every touch- it all underlines it in bold. He also knows that admissions like that aren't easy for her; opening up, putting her feelings out there in the open... it's not something she does easily.
He knows that, and it means more to him than he can say. It's an extremely cliched idea, but maybe between the two of them, they can stop the darkness in its tracks. Having Polaris around certainly helps too.
Suddenly feeling a burst of confidence, Alan presses his lips firmly but not roughly against Jesse's. The darkness isn't going to take either of them, not if he has anything to say about it.
He's kissing her as hungrily as before when he feels something nudging him, tugging at him. What is it? It's nothing he recognizes, nothing he's felt before. Is it the story telling him they need to move?
Maybe they should move, and the darkness that's threatening them will stay behind. Maybe that's only wishful thinking. ]