synthneon | oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

The coffee date could be a breakfast date. [ Jesse offers a gentle suggestion. He has already confirmed the coffee date, but, she wonders how much of it he really wants to have a thing like that. ] I'm not sure that's boring. Just... normal.

[ Her cheeks flare pink at the emphasis on "more." His meaning is clear, which makes her glance down to the side again. "More" could be now... but she has the feeling it isn't the time. ]

I don't want to talk about it. [ She frowns, eyebrows knitting together. A brief flash of the pain and numbness is on her face before she buries it again. She'd rather move forward than have to think about that damn room anymore. The heated words shared. How he slipped away before she could even move because she felt the story anchor her feet down. ] It happened, now we're back together. That's what matters.

[ Her gaze remains soft. ] Familiar, but not the same. We're not the same as we were two years ago. Are we?

A breakfast date... sounds nice. And normal can be good. [ Especially for people who aren't very normal at all. It all sounds desirable to Alan, including pursuing something more with her, whether now or later. ]

Okay. We won't talk about it, I just- I wanted to apologize. [ It won't undo what he did, and it probably won't even help, but he had to do it. He wanted to do it. ]

I'm glad we're together, for what it's worth. [ He doesn't want to say it in so many words, but this whole thing of trying to fix a story that feels like it's way outside of his control is just... lonely. He's caught himself thinking that he misses Jesse's company. Maybe that's part of what brought her here. ]

... No, I don't think we are. [ Time has changed both of them, as far as he can tell. He knows it's changed him, at any rate, but there's little things about Jesse that tell him she's been changed too. ] I'd apologize again, but that's not what you want.

Then, we'll go out for breakfast. First thing when this is done and you're home. [ Jesse has a tone of certainty in her voice. Her mind made up. ] We just need to follow the manuscript pages before and put it together, right? Just like last time.

[ Green eyes finally lift back to his. She feels the light is more in his eyes than hers. That certain sparkle has left her, gone away with Polaris. Wherever her friend went. Now it's just Jesse Faden as she would of been if nothing had ever happened in Ordinary. Minus the dirt and dust from being homeless in Arizona. ]

It's changed us but not you wanting to be a couple? [ A scrutinizing look is in her eyes. Making sure he truly means what he says. She doesn't feel as if Alan has lied to her. Simply left her in the proverbial dark even if he didn't know that he had at the time. ] You still want to be with me, even without... now that it's only me?

[ While she may not fully understand it? Jesse knows Polaris made things different between her and Alan. She connected into something that the writer has. Polaris would get louder in her mind and the lights would be brighter. Now, that won't happen.

Her gaze lowers to his lips before looking back at him.

She wants to be with him regardless of the story or Polaris. She misses his touch and his kisses. Dreams can only hold so much of the actual memories. At least, that's what she has learned from just the small span of time in the shower. ]

And... I like the idea of more. In case you were wondering.

Edited 2024-07-18 02:52 (UTC)

[ A small smile turns up Alan's lips just slightly as he responds almost immediately. ] You look like you like pancakes... or maybe it's waffles. Or eggs? Are you an eggs kind of girl? [ It's a tease, of course, but a part of Alan really does want to know Jesse's breakfast preferences. It feels important somehow. ]

Yeah... yeah, you got it. Just like last time. [ He tries to interject as much confidence as he can into that statement. Maybe if he sounds confident, he'll believe it wholeheartedly. He doesn't think anyone can accuse him of lying; he doesn't think he's lying, but he knows he does lack confidence in the plan. Will it really be that simple?

If the light has gone out of her eyes somewhat, maybe he can help bring it back. ]

No, I'm pretty sure that's one thing that isn't ever going to change. I don't know how I know that, but I think... [ He pauses, not because he doesn't want to finish what he started to say, but because he's not used to putting what he's feeling out there for everyone to hear. Even if "everyone" is one person. ]

I still want to be with you, yeah. And- well, "only you", I wouldn't sell yourself short.

[ Some kind of spark might have drawn his attention to her, but that spark is still there, as far as he's concerned. The spark is still inside her, and it's still drawing him to her. He sees no reason why he wouldn't want to be with her.

He sees where her gaze has traveled, and he leans in slightly, putting himself right in front of her, lips just inches away, but he doesn't kiss her yet. ]

Good. I was hoping we'd be on the same page.

[ And then he leans in to complete the kiss, putting his hunger and want for her into the action. ]

[ Her eyes narrow at his playfulness, but not in anger or annoyance. Instead, he could see a look of embarrassment in her eyes. Only because being like this is so foreign to her. That isn't to say she is opposed or doesn't like it. She's just embarrassed. ]

Pancakes are pretty good. Eggs with bacon.

[ Jesse can tell the uncertainty in his voice. "Departure" made him angry, frustrated. This story seems to have simply made him lose some of his confidence--uncertain. ] Which means it isn't like last time. Otherwise you'd be... annoyed. Maybe angry. Not trying to convince me of anything else.

[ Her expression becomes pointed. The fact that it is only her is obvious when be looks at her--isn't it? It should reinforce what she has told him about Polaris. All she hopes is he's still attracted to her without the addition of her otherworldly friend. ]

You think...?

[ The breath of air catches in her throat the moment he leans in. Heart pounds as he pauses just a few inches away from having their lips meet. Eyes widen with anticipation. That familiar tingling sense floods her at his words.

That gravitational pull still exists even without Polaris.

His lips press to hers. With no hesitation, Jesse leans in to kiss him in return. Hands move to wrap around him with one hand into his hair. That familiar bolt runs through her whole system.

She remembers all of this. Eveything rushes back to her in moments. ]

Alright, so breakfast is on me. The whole spread, whatever you want. [ He nods firmly and with resolve, even though a part of him knows that it's a silly thing to be so determined about. It's important to him, because it's important to their relationship. ]

Maybe it's not. I don't know- it feels different, and I'm... [ He shakes his head. He can tell he's not feeling all that confident about what he needs to be doing, and he knows he doesn't like it. ] It's this story, or whatever's behind the story. It gets into your head when you're not paying attention; maybe even if you are paying attention, it still can sneak in. I'm trying to push it out, but I don't know if it's working.

You're going to laugh, aren't you? [ If he says how that sentence was going to end.

Just like that, they're kissing again, and it feels so natural. It feels so easy: much easier than wrestling against this story that feels like it's slowly taking the upper hand. Maybe it always had the upper hand.

Or maybe it just wants to fool Alan into thinking it's all hopeless. Well, it won't. I won't think that. I won't believe it.

He just leans more into the kiss, feeling her lips on his, and drinking in the moment. They'll have to stop eventually to figure out where the story is going, but for now... for now, he just wants this and nothing else, for as long as they can have it.

Her hand moves to tangle into his hair, while he moves his own hand to her back while the other twines into her hair: not tugging or pulling, just touching it as the kiss goes on. ]

[ A gentle smile comes to her face, but is more present in her eyes more than her lips. Not the fact he'd buy a whole spread or that he'd even buy breakfast for her. No. He'd want to spend that time with her as an actual couple.

Then, a serious look takes her face. She watches his expression as he thinks over what has happened in the last two years. How the Dark Presence keeps trying to get into his mind. What has it taken away from him? Will it actually take anything from him?

Will it try to take away the memory of this? ]

No, I won't laugh. What is it?

[ She stops herself short from pushing against him in the kiss. A shower isn't supposed to be that intimate. Right? Kissing and touching is probably normal for couples under warm water. His fingers glide over her skin and into her hair. Her whole body relaxes for the first time in...

She can't actually remember how long it has been.

Jesse's lips linger on his as a long sigh escapes her. ]

[ If he knew the questions that were going through her mind, he'd tell her that he's not about to let that happen. He's not about to forget her, or any of this, because it's important to him. He just can't let it go without a fight. Maybe that resolve is all he needs to keep being himself... to keep his thoughts his.

He eyes her seriously, as if wondering whether she'll do what she says and not laugh. But the only way he'll know is by saying what's on his mind. ]

I think that maybe we were supposed to run into each other. It wasn't random or coincidence; I don't know if I believe in fate or destiny or whatever, but I don't think I wound up at your door by mistake. This feels too right to be just something that could have happened or couldn't have, if one of us took a different turn and went a different way.

[ Maybe a shower shouldn't be that intimate; maybe all they should do is just kiss and hold each other. Either way, Alan's good with that. He's good with just being with her. Maybe they could just stay like this until one or both of them needs to stop for air. ]

You... you feel good. [ He mumbles against her lips, not wanting to pull back even to say that. Maybe saying things is something they should save for later so they can just keep on kissing. ]

[ Her expression softens at what he says. No laughter, no judgement, only a gentle stare. She remembers feeling something similar before. That somehow, someway, they were supposed to meet and be together. The concept faded over the last two years. Hearing him say it again seems to spark something inside her. Something she honestly thought she had lost along side Polaris.

Still, she doesn't push against him. She holds back enough.

Jesse shivers in his hands. ]

I love you.

[ The statement comes rushing from her, whispered to his lips, almost as if she is afraid that someone else may hear it. It's said as a statement and answer to both things. What else can she say? What else should she say? Words are his territory. Not hers.

It may not even matter it's the first time she's said it.

It does feel right. Just like Polaris and knowing what happened in Ordinary feels right. Real. Being with him makes sense. Part of her mind still doesn't understand how any of that can be possible. They had barely known each other, barely had a relationship. Yet, every time she wonders, all that comes to mind is the memory of what the other Alan had said on the phone.

They have a connection.

Lips brush against his to entice another kiss. ]

Edited 2024-07-22 16:22 (UTC)

[ There's a part of him that thinks he could believe in things like destiny. Fate. Bonds. Belonging. Could he belong with her? Could she really belong with him? Would she want to? Her reactions make him want to believe that she wants it.

And then she shivers in his hands, and those words come, and in that instant, Alan knows they both want the same thing. Maybe he's always known, but he needed a little more confirmation. ]

I love you too. I really love you, and I can't imagine not being with you. I can't imagine not having you around.

[ He says those words against her lips, and they spill out in a rush, as if something will stop him from saying them if he takes too long.

He doesn't want anything stopping him from expressing how he feels about her. He'd tell her he loves her every day, if he could. As for enticing another kiss, she doesn't have to try too hard. Alan kisses her instantly, lips pressing against hers, lightly at first, then gradually deepening, the longer the kiss lasts.

Too soon, this moment will have to end, but he's not in a hurry to speed that along. ]

[ A small part of her always wonders about one thing: Alice Wake.

Wasn't it something like love at first sight? Every interview she found over the last two years seemed to imply it. Destined to be together. Two pieces always meant to come together to exist together. Which means that she is in the way. Jesse Faden placing herself where she doesn't belong.

Then, why was she at Bright Falls? Why did Polaris tell her to go there? Why does it feel like Alan Wake can rise to thr frequency she is and click? How can his lips on hers, the words he says, the way his hands touch her skin feel so right? Like Ordinary, like Polaris.

Another part of her wonders if he truly understands the scope of her saying those three words when he says so many more.

He kisses her again and this time? She melts against him and in his hands. Her body finally presses to his. Suddenly, she can feel him and that familiar rush jolts through her. That hunger and need to be with him at a place only they can reach.

Except... maybe she can't reach it now with Polaris gone.

She gently presses down on his bottom lip before parting her own for him. ]

[ Maybe with Alice, it was love at first sight. Maybe it was love at first sight with Jesse too. Maybe Alan is just the kind of man who falls in love quickly and deeply. He doesn't look at himself and say he's a one night stand kind of man. He loved Alice deeply and completely, even if he didn't always know how to be in a relationship, and maybe that's the reason they went down the path heading for divorce.

Maybe he could be different with Jesse, or maybe nothing will change at all...

I want to be different. I need to be different. Better.

He feels her melt against him, feels her body pressing against his, and he knows in that instant that he wants to be one with her. How that looks, he's not sure. One in the physical sense? Is it too soon for that? They're already on that threshold, coming closer to that point, but maybe they should wait. Wait for what though?

Alan doesn't want to wait. He wants to be hers, and for her to be his, so he leans in even more and returns the kiss first, and adds a brief tracing motion with his tongue along the edges of her mouth. ]

[ Jesse couldn't pin point the moment she fell for Alan. The night they met could have sparked it, or it could have been the day after. She isn't sure she'd call the feelings she had at the Coal Mine love, but, it was definitely attraction. Why else would she have kissed him? Why else would she have felt the wave of panic when the Dark Presence swept him into the Lake?

It couldn't have been love at first sight. Could it? Wouldn't she have known?

Maybe she couldn't tell because she's been too paranoid to trust.

He traces her mouth and a needy moan comes from her. Somehow that small gesture has always sent sparks up her spine. She turns just enough under the water to place her back against the wall. Hands grip him to come fully against her. Something of a whine or frustrated sound leaves her as she tries to press against him in the right angle to lose herself in him.

Just like before.

Could it work like before when she's missing Polaris? ]

[ Alan knows he's felt a swell of emotions almost constantly ever since he met her. There was a feeling like his head was spinning the night they met, and that feeling continued when they kissed, and then... When he found himself falling into the lake, he felt panic and fear and something best described as loss. He felt as though he was losing something that he'd only just found, and now it was being snatched out of his hands.

He didn't know then if he'd ever get it back, or if this was the end.

But it turns out that it wasn't the end; they found each other. They're here. They're together. A moan of his own escapes him when her hands grip onto him and he feels her tugging him in closer. Then she presses herself against him and he reacts immediately, pressing himself against her in return. They need to become one. They should become one.

... Shouldn't they? He wants it, and she seems to want it too, so why not? Why shouldn't they lay claim to each other?

Even though he doesn't know the exact doubts running through her mind, he's convinced that it can work. It will work. ]

[ Haven't they already claimed one another already? More than once, if memory serves right. Which she knows it does because she seems to be the only one who claims that what happened in Bright Falls was real. Alan Wake isn't dead. He's missing in the lake. The lake isn't just a lake, it's a doorway somewhere else.

Not that anyone believes her.

Just like Ordinary.

Psyche evaluations lost her the job. The loss of a job lost the apartment.

But, she can't just ignore what's real.

Polaris is real. Ordinary is real. Bright Falls is real. Alan Wake is real. The way they press against each other and grind their hips is real. All of this is real, even if it's somehow in a fictional story. ]

Alan.

[ Maybe they're the only two in the whole world who believes that what happened in Bright Falls is real. Alan knows it is; it's too real, sometimes. But the one thing he would say is real in the best sense is meeting Jesse. Being with her. Talking to her. Holding her. He wants this; he wants more.

He doesn't want to be greedy, but he knows that he wants to have so much of this closeness with her; he wants it until it fills them both up and they're finally satisfied. Not that he thinks he'd ever come to a point where he no longer wants to be filled up with that heady feeling that makes him feel like he's floating. Flying. Dreaming but not dreaming, because it's real.

A wordless sound escapes him then; it's a sound of desire, of wanting. Maybe one day they won't have to want anymore because they'll find that it's all real. It's theirs. They won't have to wake up from a dream, because it won't be a dream. It'll be their reality.

Shouldn't you be waking up now? ...Waking up from what? And no, I don't. I want to stay like this with her for as long as we can. I don't want to wake up or blink or turn around and realize she's gone. Maybe this connection or whatever the hell it is won't stay forever, but I'm not going to end it before we're ready.

They're so close now that personal space isn't even a concept, so Alan doesn't have to move very far at all to plant a kiss on her mouth. ]

[ The people of Bright Falls seem to know something happened, but never talk about it. "Strange things happen", they say. The Breakers know things happen--otherwise the older Breaker wouldn't have insisted on her leaving. Everyone else in the world seem content to simply say that Alan Wake disappeared.

Or, he's a mass murderer.

He tried to kill his ex-wife.

The claims are so outlandish but everyone believes them.

She kisses back needily, hungrily. Hips grind to his to try and explain what she wants. Touching, kissing, being together as one with no spaces between. It's an almost chaotic feeling, but not nearly as primal as the first time they were intimate. Instead, everything is driven by a deep sense of... what she supposes is truly love. It can't be only heated passion.

Fingers trail down his arms and then to his sides. She wants him to touch and kiss those places he knows make her walls fall down and focus only on him. She's missed it. This. Him. Just being with him and talking to him. Hearing the sound of his voice. ]

[ Maybe that's for the best. Maybe they should just leave it at strange things happening and not go digging in further for more information. For Alan, he believes that what's going on is so out there that maybe people shouldn't try to understand it. Somehow, it's almost comforting to think that there are people out there whose world consists of waking up, eating breakfast, going to work or school, and then coming home to have dinner. It's an ordinary life, a normal one, and none of them have to worry about the weird and supernatural.

But he doesn't want to think about that now. He just wants to think about her, about feeling her and making her feel good. The neediness in her kiss isn't lost on him, and he moans in pleasure when her hips grind against his. He gets the message loud and clear, and he starts touching her everywhere his hands can reach, pressing kisses to her mouth, neck, collarbone... anywhere that he can reach.

If he can excite her and make her feel good, and make her feel loved, that's the most important thing to him. ]

( cont here )

oceanview (different path) || ❝ turn the page i need to see something new. ❞

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