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ᴊᴇssᴇ ғᴀᴅᴇɴ | ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᶦʳᵉᶜᵗᵒʳ. ([personal profile] outlierdirector) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2023-11-01 01:57 am

oceanview || ❝ i must guide my love through the night. ❞

OCEANVIEW II

into the dark, dark, dark.
I’m fighting to save my love somеhow
I cannot feel her by my side
Even in this placе inside my mind
CODE BY TESSISAMESS
crazyisinevitable: (0117)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2023-11-06 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Alan might not be an FBI profiler, but he has somewhat of a habit of watching people. Observing them. Or, well, he did before all of this started. It's diminished compared to how it was before he dove into Cauldron Lake, but it's still there in part. His expression turns into something thoughtful and considering as he watches Jesse. Something is going through her mind and it looks to him as though it's something not entirely good.

Do I look like that when my mind is off and wandering?

He wonders to himself. He realizes that he probably looks a lot worse, if the way he feels when it's happening is any indication. To feel as though something is hollowing you out, pulling out everything that makes you you, is hardly a good feeling at all.

But even though Jesse's expression suggests something is pulling at her focus, she's still with him.

She is much stronger than I am. It's not the first time that Alan has marveled at Jesse's ability to push through when others would falter. But then she seems to pause, or freeze, and his eyes instantly flick up to lock on hers again. Did he say the wrong thing? Was he too plain in stating how he feels at home with her? But no- she's kissing him again, and it's faster, almost at a fever pitch, and he finds himself kissing back equally as hungrily and feverishly. Need seems to be driving them both to act desperately. Rashly. And dare he even think it, passionately.

But then the moment is disturbed. Not disturbed, just interrupted by a quiet but pointed cough. Alan's eyes slide open too, shifting to where Jesse's right hand man is standing. Steve. Shit. How much has he seen? We weren't being exactly subtle.

Alan doesn't pull away from Jesse, both because he doesn't want to lose his closeness to her, but also because he's still worried that she won't be able to support herself on her own. Cleansing the control point clearly took a lot out of her. And that does nothing to ease his nerves about how she'll be if- when a fight comes. But then again, the adrenaline response is a powerful one, and if it comes down to it, they all have to rise to the occasion. Jesse just might do it a little better than he can.

He rolls his eyes once at the ranger's comments, but he recognizes the good nature behind them, even though he knows he means what he says. They have other things to do right now that are more important than the two of them "reconnecting". Danger looms again, and they have to be ready. ]


Don't worry, we won't be long. Dad. [ It slips out before he can stop it, but Alan realizes he doesn't want to call it back. He might not have the same shit-eating grin that Steve's wearing, but he manages a smirk of his own and directs it at the other man before he turns his attention back to Jesse.

He reaches out for her, hand extended, offering the hand up that she asked for. It feels like very little, in terms of returning the favor for everything she's given him so far, but- if he has the chance, he wants to work up to that.

If we survive this. If I survive this. They have to survive. They're what's important. She's important. ]
crazyisinevitable: (058)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2023-11-07 08:44 am (UTC)(link)
[ There's something so normal about this interaction that Alan almost forgets that they're in danger, and it all comes back to him as the source of it all. The AWE is because of him. Scratch existing is because of him. They've all been dragged into this because of him.

Have I been deluding myself this whole time, thinking that I could have something as normal as being friends with them? More, in the case of Jesse?

That realization hits him like a ton of bricks, and he has to force himself to push those thoughts away, because they won't do him, or any of them, any good. ]


Mr. Famous? Yeah, that's definitely me. That's why I hear- Never mind. You don't need to know that. Careful you don't break a hip, Dad.

[ Some of the spiciness behind those words has gone out a little bit, but Alan still makes a valiant effort to banter back at Steve. It's good-natured, of course, and he genuinely does like the ranger. Which is why he listens with such rapt attention to what Jesse has to say while holding onto her as firmly and steadily as he can. ]

Ex-military. That explains a lot. [ And makes Alan feel like a fish out of water around all of them. But that's staying kept to himself. His expression sobers as she tells him about what happened to Steve's co-pilot. Maybe that's what all of them have in common: some form of tragedy or emotional disturbance follows them all. But Alan feels as though his problems pale in comparison to Steve's, and to Jesse's, if he remembered what she told him about herself before. About Ordinary.

But then he shrugs, not to indicate a lack of interest, just... trying to process it all. ]
I know he does. The FBC got a good one, with him. [ Hopefully they don't lose Steve too. Alan might not know him that well, but he can at least recognize a vital player when he sees one. ]

I'm surprised more of you don't hover. [ Given who he is and what he's done. What he's had a hand in, directly or indirectly. I get the feeling that if Jesse wasn't the Director, I'd be back in that cell. Probably with those cuffs on.

He watches Jesse to make sure she's standing and not wobbling, and then he moves his hand long enough to rub his wrist. It doesn't hurt, and the cuffs did no damage, but he can still feel the weight of them even though she took them off as soon as she could.

He's quick to replace his hand on Jesse's forearm, hoping to add what little support he can give. And then she's kissing him again, just briefly, and just like that, he gets the message that it's about time to spring into action. ]


As ready as I'll ever be.

[ The look he gives her is one of resolve, as much as he can muster up. He'd be lying if there wasn't the smallest ripple of fear, but he can't let fear control him. Not when she's counting on him to be present for what's coming. ]
crazyisinevitable: (068)

[personal profile] crazyisinevitable 2023-11-08 08:05 am (UTC)(link)
[ Even as he and Steve are having their conversation, part of Alan's mind is off thinking about something else. Well, complaining would be a better word.

Why can't it stay like this? Why does it have to turn dark again? The story always turns dark. I know that. But just once, I wish that it wouldn't. Just once, I wish that I could turn it into something happy. No one has to die. No one has to get hurt. We could just be happy.

But it's an illogical thought, and Alan knows that. He knows that just like he knows the story has to go a certain way. It has to follow a certain track, have a certain tone. He can make edits and change things, but it all has to fit within the pattern. Go too far in either direction, and the story fails to work. Isn't that how it's always gone?

I hate this story.

The only bright spot in all of it is Jesse. Jesse and Polaris, working as a unit, but mostly Jesse. He loves her, and she makes him feel at home, even when everything around him is falling apart. Falling down. Falling in pieces into the lake. The ocean. Whatever the hell it is.

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what's going to come, but it's going to be dark. Hard. Violent. But I have to keep Jesse safe. Alive.

She grounds him, and brings him back to shore when the waves wash him out. It's strange to think of her as the one person who keeps him grounded when- wait. She's hovering. Literally.

He stares. He's seen this before, but where? A stray thought nudges at his mind as if reminding him of that.

Maybe she can keep herself alive without my help. But I'm still going to give it. What's coming could kill us all. He doesn't know how he knows that, but intuition or inspiration or just a brainwave is telling him it's true. The dull ache in the back of his head is saying something too. It could be something, or it could be nothing. He wants it to be nothing, but he knows better than to hope for that.

For now, he just focuses his thoughts on Jesse. It's really not that hard for him to do. ]


You know what, I do think I want that. [ He smirks at her a little even as she presses her forehead against his again. ] So, you're going to put on a show? Hopefully I'll have a front row seat.

[ He follows after her without hesitation as she leads him inside, where she begins the briefing. The game plan. But it's not a game. It's life and death.

Scratch is coming. The Dark Presence is coming. Alan's blood has run cold, and the ache in his head is growing. But if he tells anyone, they'll bench him. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it's stupid. But he wants to fight. He wants to help. He can help. The headache won't get in the way. It won't make him a liability. Somehow, he knows that much.

Positions are decided. Steve takes the basement. Alan wonders if he should start there, and move elsewhere. Or should he start outside with Estevez? Inside with Jesse? What's the best move here?

For now, he just decides to stay inside as night falls. He'll inevitably have to move, or be drawn into a fight and be forced to move. But inside is where it's still light, and it's where he feels he can still breathe. Might as well take what he can while it lasts. He watches the various agents moving around, and spots Jesse from time to time, and when he's asked to do something, even if it's just to move out of the way, he complies. He wants to help, however that ends up looking. ]