bloody tears || ❝ our fate so darkly romantic, i will never leave your side. ❞

[shepherdtostars]

bloody tears

AU PLOTLINE

The land is wrought with terror
He roams the countryside...
A journey far from doner
Racing the setting sun this battle must be won CODE BY TESSISAMESS

Comments

[thewayforpeace]

[ What a sorry sight he must be, with the rat still in his hand and flecks of blood on his mouth and hands as well. Even sorrier still, he knows he must look entirely disheartened and defeated, because in so many ways, that is how he feels. Oh, he will pick himself back up when new orders come, but there is a part of him that would withdraw from serving as a Temple Knight simply because he feels unfit to be one. Estinien would certainly frown and express his opinion on such an act, decrying it as lunacy, but maybe he is just doomed to exist in a constant state of lunacy: neither belonging to this world or that of the voidsent.

But all his thoughts seem to stop when she takes the rat from him and sets to work cleaning him up. How disgraceful has he become if he cannot even manage to clean himself up properly? Of course he knows that she does what she does out of love, but it all feeds back into feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness on his part. He must appear entirely hopeless and useless, being unable to care for himself as anyone with half a brain would.

Still, he finds he cannot conjure up the will to do more than simply rest against her when she pulls him in. For just a moment, his eyes slide closed and he allows himself to do nothing but take in the feeling of being held by another. How long as it been since he felt anything like this? He cannot recall.

But after a moment, she begins to speak, and as the meaning of her words washes over him, he feels his emotions begin to run away from him. First he feels anger at those who attacked unprovoked, and then as she goes on to speak of everyone she knows falling at the hands of voidsent, sadness takes its place. He already believes the world to be a sad place with very little to be happy about, but Alkaid's words only further confirm that for him. The world is sad, and hard, and full of troubles and difficulties, and even those who have done no wrong find themselves being hurt.

In his mind, he is convinced that Alkaid is an innocent who did not deserve what happened to her. But he cannot find the same forgiveness for himself, even though he did not ask to be turned, nor did he seek out danger or threats. There is nothing to suggest that he is reaping what he has sown, but he feels as though this is his lot in life.

He lets her rock him, even as the feeling of embarrassment grows, threatening to disturb the small amount of comfort and ease that is slowly taking hold. ]

I am a monster. I have not killed, nor will I, but I am- I'm... [ A disgrace. A thing that should not be seen, and certainly not loved. But how does he explain the need he has to be loved and to love in return? If he is incapable of being anything but a monster, why does he have such a desire for both? His hands clench into fists as uncertainty washes over him. There are no answers to his questions, just as there has been no answer to explain why this happened to him. ]

Am I any better than those who came for your home, your friends, and your family? [ How easily he could become like them, a despicable being, if he abandoned his resolve to not feed on anyone or cause hurt to anyone except for himself. If he can spare others by shouldering his fate alone, then that is what he intends to do. Meeting Alkaid altered his plans, but he does not regret it, not even a little.

Now, if only he could learn how to open his heart and show her that he truly does love her. The way to do that is certainly not by refusing her aid and her care. Perhaps if he simply pushes aside his instincts to wall himself off from everyone and everything, he might be able to achieve that. Maybe allowing her to hold him like this is the first step. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Lantaa does not find any of the sight before her pathetic. He is a man haunted by what he has become, and has received very little (if any to her knowledge) direction on what to do. He has chosen a moral high ground of his kind, feeding on animals instead of people, but that hardly changes what he is now. She can tell the maid and steward still deeply love Aymeric and would never turn an eye to his suffering, but are at a loss of what to do for him. She finds herself in a similar position now as she brushes his hair and rocks him gently.

Does he even find it soothing?

She waits to see if he might truly finish his sentence. A monster, is that what he truly believes himself to be? Simply because he eats from another living creature? Her arms tighten around him a fraction more. She has seen true monsters and what they might do to a person. Had Aymeric thrown away those morals he keeps himself to? He would be one of them--but he is not. She knows this, his staff knows this, but he somehow cannot see it himself.

Could she prove it to him somehow? ]

O-of course you are...

[ She glances to the side and bites the inside of her mouth for a moment. Would he respond to what she has in mind? What if he truly does tell her to leave not only their room, but the manor? Alkaid inhales and closes her eyes for a moment. What would their alternative be--hiding away in the dark, hating himself more? If anything, perhaps she might begin to heal how he sees himself...

Lantaa gently presses a kiss to the top of his head. Then, she leans to the side so her lips are beside his ear. ]

Aymeric, [ Lantaa forces her shaking voice to fall into the tone she uses when she attempts to garner the attention of the instincts he suppresses so very much. Yet, those instincts are the very ones he needs to realize he can control. ] My love...

[ The hand resting at the back of his head moves to cup the side of his face. Her thumb brushes along his cheek before she slides the tips of her fingers down his jaw to under his chin. She guides him to raise his head, and should he do so, her eyes meet his with such intensity and love. They also brim with nothing short but trust and faith in him.

He knows who she is even if his darker instincts take hold of him. He still loves and cherishes her. She knows this, but he must realize it himself. If he was still not himself when she offered to feed him the first time? Well, neither of them would be in this room at the moment.

She tilts her head down to nudge the side of his nose, and quickly brush her lips against his. Please, do not hate me for this, Aymeric. ]

One rat can hardly sustain you. [ Lantaa brushes her lips across his once more in hopes she does have his attention without needing to rely on compelling. ] Quell your carvings, yes, but it can't give you the strength you need.

[ She then slips down gracefully to her knees. The hand underneath his chin slowly and tantalizingly leaves him in order to reach for the thick fabrics at her shoulder and neck. Then, her other hand reaches for her dark locks. She moves them to rest on the opposite shoulder. It leaves one side of her neck and shoulder entirely bare and exposed. Lantaa shifts to lean forward in order to close the distance he would need to bite her.

Her eyes close and her head tilts to expose more of her neck.

There are no words that come from her as she waits. She knows he will not eat from here neck. He has kissed the area many times with no inclination of feeding from such a dangerous area, even with his darker instincts in control. Aymeric as either knight nor vampire has the want to feast on her as if she were a rat. He is kind and generous, and even loving in the act. He is the one who must realize this. A monster would be blinded by his instincts at the exposed flesh and gleefully drink with no remorse or care of what it might do to her. Monsters do not love. He loves her regardless if it is his Ishgardian sensibilities or his base instincts controlling him. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ Her comfort and care is soothing his raw and frayed nerves, and he unconsciously shows it by all but melting into her hold. If he could go back to that day and change the events that occurred then, he would. He had no other aspirations except to become a Temple Knight and fight for Ishgard and her people as long as he could. But fate and fortune had other plans, or so it seemed.

That day, he became what he sees as something cursed, unworthy of walking the same ground as those who are whole and unspoiled. And when he finally was forced to feed off another, when he could put it off no longer, his hatred for himself formed in earnest. Ever since then, he has been unable to look upon himself with anything resembling kindness.

She speaks, and at the tone of her voice, he freezes as a wave of something like compliance washes over him. But more than mere compliance is a desire to please her, to meet any request or order she might have for him. What he wants is unimportant. What he might do for her is of boundless importance. ] What is it? What do you need?

[ He would move mountains for her if she asked him to. When she places her hand against his face, his eyes open slightly and he leans into the touch instinctively. To be touched in such a way is still a rarity to him, something he has not experienced much of since this fate befell him, and so he seems to crave it almost greedily, as if it is something that could be snatched away from him without warning.

Whatever it is that she needs, or whatever it is that she is planning, he does not know, but he waits, holding his breath, to find out what it is. She speaks about his need for blood, and his habit of feeding off rats rather than doing so with her or anyone else. Of course, she is right, but that does little to sway him from his determination to only consume rats and other small animals that might cross his path.

A look of confusion crosses his face when she slides down to land on her knees. But all too soon, he realizes what it is that she is doing, and a jolt of panic shoots through him. No, I will not be tempted by this. I cannot.

His eyes fixate on her bared shoulder and neck, noting how exposed she is because of what she has done. Why? ]

... Why not? [ The words that leave him unbidden are spoken in a darker tone, with a voice that does not shake or hesitate. Slowly, he smiles, revealing his teeth and the pointed fangs that mark him as a vampire. Suddenly, those fangs are bared, and he leans forward slightly as if intending to claim the prey that so willingly presents herself to him.

But at the very last second, Aymeric freezes yet again and a look of sheer horror at what he was about to do crosses his face. Again his shoulders curl inward and he shifts away from her as he lowers his head, ashamed of what he almost did. But beneath the shame, a realization is beginning to form. He did not bite her; he did not drink from her neck, that most vulnerable place. Why? Because he was able to control himself and stop himself from doing what he would have regretted forever.

It does not wholly counter the shame, and neither does he straighten up once more, but somehow, he realizes that he has taken a step towards being himself and not the monster he views himself as. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Lantaa gladly accepts his weight as he melts against her. A gentle nuzzle is given once more to his hair as an odd feeling of content passes through her. Once more the feeling that such a thing has not happened in so very long pushes forward. The mere feeling of holding his exhausted body while comforting him. While the feeling is old, it feels so very new, and she once more realizes it was a sensation she had been missing in her life.

However, now is the time for another way to help him, as he will certainly need the comfort as the night dwells on.

Her eyes slide close as she waits. She wishes she would not have to do such things in this manner. While she does not find herself very seducing? The idea of being such a way is very appealing to her. Yet, that is not quite what this is. The power of suggestion and allure seems to be one that both sides of him strongly respond to. Perhaps there will be a time in which his darker instincts will filter in a more natural and healthier way so she might tend to his needs properly.

'Why not'

A certain thrill runs up her spine at his tone. She knows it is her reaction to his vampiric side. A reaction either caused by being his pair or by their bond through blood is what she is uncertain on. The source of it hardly matters as she feels her heartbeat quicken and her own desire to lean against him. Lantaa instead steels herself against the natural reaction and remains still. She cannot interfere with this moment. He must decide and realize his own actions.

Her eyes only open once more as she realizes he has not only stopped, but curled away. Lantaa tilts her head down to be able to look him in the eyes. Her two-toned gaze meets his red tinted eyes instantly. Within half a moment a wide smile is on her face. Her hands raise to rest on either side of his face as her eyes seem to light up. A true smile, not one tinted by sadness or fear.

Perhaps now he can see just a small piece of what she sees in him. Her knight. ]

Yes, [ her tone remains soft but filled with love and excitement, ] you are better than them. You, Aymeric de Borel, my love. You are better.

[ She gently nudges his nose once more in place of kissing him. However, the happiness at the chance he has begun to realize what she already knows of him spreads through her whole person. Her tail sways side-to-side without restraint. Her thumb moves to once more brush along his lips while the other moves the strands of his hair behind his ear.

As for his questions? Well, they were far more under her suggestion, but, she feels as if she ought to address them as well. ]

What do I need? I need you to be the healthiest and strongest you are capable of being. How else are you to protect me? [ Lantaa's smile somehow widens further. ] Aymeric de Borel... my knight.

[thewayforpeace]

[ When Aymeric takes a moment to stop and consider the past and the past lives that he has lived, he finds that what memories should be there are hidden from his sight. Somehow, it seems that Alkaid can recall bits and pieces from the past, so why can't he? Could it be that while their paths did cross, something is preventing him from truly recalling anything relating to those times? He knows that he has felt sensations and feelings that seem familiar, but nothing more concrete than that is coming to mind.

He does not doubt that they loved each other, and thus continue to do so in this life, but he cannot grasp onto anything, as hard as he tries.

Those thoughts seem to blur together as a strange siren song-like effect takes hold because of the sight of her bared skin. But the moment passes with a bit of a push and pull between his vampiric instincts and his desire to remain himself, not a monster, although as she has noted, he curls in on himself, recoiling until she slides her hands to rest against his face.

The sight of her smiling and looking so very happy stirs up something inside him, and again, he leans into her touch. He wants to feel as happy as she appears, and maybe this is his chance, if only he can work through everything that seems to be keeping him stuck where he is. ]

I- I never imagined that I might be able to do that. [ To have that temptation presented so clearly before him and to somehow resist it... He assumed that there was no resisting, no fighting against those instincts to draw blood and drink freely without a second's thought. ] How did you know that that would work? [ She put herself at risk, and it could have gone horribly wrong had he not been able to seize control of the situation. ]

But I intend to protect you to the best of my ability, and I suppose... I suppose that there are things I must do if I am going to hold up my end of the bargain. [ And that includes doing more than subsisting on rats and hiding himself away from the world. ]

But where should I start? [ That question is more him musing aloud; he does not expect an answer from her. Where he should start is finding a better source of nourishment, and he knows what that will mean. There is such a source right in front of him, just waiting for him to accept what she offers, if only he can. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Perhaps the memories of past lives hinder her more than aid her. While she may easily recall the emotions and love from those times? A sense of fear and panic also accompanies them. The feelings that speak to the fact she may very well lose him as she has before. Perhaps it keeps her from living life to the fullest in this incarnation, or, perhaps it merely feeds into the trauma and fear she has already lived in this life.

He leans into her touch and Lantaa acts accordingly. She moves to stand, but only so she might sit in his lap. Her arms drape once more around his shoulders, offering him to lean against her so she might give him any comfort he may need. She guides him to rest his head on her shoulder, gently brushing her cheek against the side of his head. ]

Because, I trust you with my life now and always. [ She knows the answer will hardly suffice for him. ] You have fed from me twice, and have stopped yourself when needed both times. You have never gone to bite my neck when we are ...w-well, intimate, o-or simply in bed with one another. I know you will not. Even when those darker instincts take hold, you wouldn't.

[ Lantaa tilts her head so her lips are once more beside his ear. ] I love you as both the man you are and the creature they turned you into. Even if you had moved further, I cannot imagine you would have bitten me... because I doubt you would wish to be alone. Especially as a vampire.

[ She can only imagine what his expression--even as a vampire--would be when he realized that he had bitten the woman he loved. It is something she refuses to allow to happen, but also something she knows will not happen as neither side of him would wish her dead. Especially by his own hand. ]

I believe only you can decide that, Aymeric.

[thewayforpeace]

[ Perhaps his own inability to recall even the smallest of memories hinders him in some way. He cannot deny that he feels a connection to her, a bond that transcends mere friendship or companionship. But what he wonders, even though he feels as though perhaps such things are better off left alone, what sort of lives they lived in the past. Were they together or even acquainted? Or were they separated by circumstance or tragedy? Even when he searches inside himself for answers, he cannot find them.

And that is why he has decided that he should simply leave well enough alone and focus on what memories and events they can shape together. ]

Your words leave me all but speechless. Not because I do not know what to say, but rather... The trust that you have in me is, in a word, staggering. Not many would place yourself in the position that you have, nor continue to offer such kindness.

[ He finds himself having to navigate a wave of emotions brought on by her words and actions, but he is resolved to respond with gratitude. ]

I would not bite you there under any circumstance, even should my need be dire. [ He is certain he can speak those words, as even if his darker instincts were fully in play, he cannot fathom doing such a thing to her. ] And you would be correct in saying that I do not wish to be alone. [ He never did, even though he has always felt inclined to withdraw and keep to himself. The loneliness and quiet becomes too much for even him at times. ]

We have finally found each other, and I would not seek to change that in any way.

[ But then his expression turns to one of thoughtfulness as he tries to find an answer to his own question. ] I do not know how, at least not yet. [ Perhaps he will, with time, but that seems to be his answer for everything. Perhaps he should simply force himself to search for those answers, rather than waiting. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ A hand rests on the back of his head, gently brushing through the locks of his hair. She does not speak at first, instead resolving to let him speak in his entirety and wait. She is certain they knew each other in many lives, and not at all in others. Lives spent looking for one another only to never finding, or perhaps being unable to address those feelings.

Lantaa shifts slightly in his lap, only so she might meld against him perfectly. Then, she rubs her cheek against his hair. ]

You asked me what made me happy... and, I stand by my answers: caring for others and you. [ She pauses only so she might frame what she feels properly. ] I know you don't wish to feed off another living human, especially me. Yet... for me... it is a way I can care for you. A way that no one else can. Any healer can heal wounds with magic, or bandages. But, I'm the only one you agreed to feed from. Even if I fail at everything else... a-and you must marry another for status o-or politics... at least she would never be able to do that for you.

[ Her gaze drops and her eyebrows knit together. Lantaa nudges his shoulder with her nose before closing her eyes and resting her forehead to his shoulder. The mere idea of losing him to another once more causes the dull pain to return. Her fingers curl slightly into his shirt and hair once more. ]

B-but I won't offer it... or ask it again... i-instead I will help in any other way I can. Even if it is merely cleaning after the rats, or finding more for you. I... I would rather do that than do anything that would upset you... o-or make you wish I'd leave...

[ Lantaa bits her lip for a moment. Her head tilts once more as she continues in a soft voice. ] I... I would rather stay in the aetheric sea... n-never seeking a new life I had to live another without you.

[ The words feel familiar to the point that she wonders if she has said them before. Maybe not in this life, perhaps before it. If every life is to be filled with such heartbreak of being without him why should she try again at all? After so many attempts. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ It is hard for him to speak when the words he wishes to say seem to get caught and tangled up before he can even say them, but her gentle touches and the way she brushes his hair threatens to completely undo all concentration and power of speech. Still, he does not wish for her to stop, as his only desire is to be touched and held like this, and to hold her in return. ]

I know that I made a mistake in hiding away from you and by refusing to let you care for me. [ He has to navigate through the guilt he feels for his misstep to properly express what is on his mind. ] I do not know how to accept help, especially the kind of help that would have me feeding off you. I- I cannot see it as anything but causing you harm in order to sustain my needs, and that is what I cannot reconcile.

[ But he is not finished just yet, and before he continues speaking, he reaches out to touch her face and lightly strokes her soft skin. ]

I love you, and if I truly care about you, then I should no longer refuse the care you offer me a sign of love. [ He tilts his head just slightly to meet her gaze, hoping that she sees the sincerity in his gaze but the uncertainty as well. Warming up to the idea of feeding off her will take time, but he is willing to put in the effort. ]

It seems that I have much to learn about how to let you in. [ His instinct was to tell her he does not need assistance cleaning the rats, as he is the one who makes the mess, but that too falls under the category of something she can help him with. ]

And... I will never ask you to leave, nor wish that you would. [ He leans in once more so he can brush his lips against the side of her face. After a moment's pause, he adds: ]

And I would do the same. [ What good would a life be without her? She who seems to complete him in every way, even with the knowledge of who and what he is. They must be fated to be together, because who else would even give one such as him a second thought? It is the hand of fate, but also love that keeps them together.

He may have to continue to remind himself of this from time to time, but he is beginning to believe what she seems to be so confident of. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ If all he wishes to do is sit with her in his lap and having her sooth him? She hardly minds. If the small touches and behind held is all he will accept as aid? Then, she will gladly give all to him until he wishes for no more. She simply nods to his words. She does not intend to ask that he feed from her again. The offer will always be unsaid and open, but, she does not mean to bring it forth in words or gestures any longer.

Not unless it is truly dire.

Lantaa raises her gaze to his once more as he looks for it. A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, but she clearly is holding back for his sake. Instead, she gently nudges the side of his nose with hers once more with her tail still slightly swaying. She is uncertain now what she might offer him. A warm bath? To turn her head away so he might finish eating his dinner? Would he even like to attend dinner with her, as had been their routine, even now that she is truly aware of how little he needs food? Her gaze drifts to the side for the briefest of moments before nudging his nose once more. She decides that she will simply follow what he wishes.

She tilts her head to brush her cheek to his. ] You would still have me as your lady?

[ No doubt rests in her mind that he desires her as his pair--both in the bond of their souls and her blood--but her mind has seen to it that his lady is quite different. A lady would be the one he continues to present as courtship and potential wife; the one that would be responsible for caring for the home and any potential children.

Perhaps that, however, is something she should not think about. They have only known each other for a short time. Even if her soul cries out to have everything that would entail a life with him. Lantaa sighs to herself, ears tilting down before nudging his cheek once more. ]

We must be the most stubborn pair to be reborn this time then. [ Her eyes close as she tilts her head against his once more. Her voice drops to almost a whisper with her next question. ] W-what would you to do now...?

[thewayforpeace]

[ That is not all he wishes to do; it only took him a long time to realize just what his intentions and his next steps were. Their heads are tilted together, faces touching and lightly resting against the other's, but he hopes that what he will say lands in the way he intends it to. ]

I would still have you as my lady and in all other ways. You are my pair, the one that I was looking for although I did not truly realize it until the day we met, but more than that- If you would be a part of my life... My family... My home.

[ He leans into her just a fraction more as if to underline what he is saying. ]

What will I do now? I have one request to make of you. [ Nervousness rises inside him, wondering if she will take his request the wrong way, but he knows he must forge ahead. ] Will you have dinner with me? Tonight? I know that it may be odd with me merely sitting there watching you, but... I could keep you company, if you will have me.

[ As he does not need to eat in the way she does, he would simply sit there and converse with each other while she eats, if she is willing. If not, then he would simply wait in their shared room, or in the study until she is ready to join him again. If she decides is, of course. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Lantaa gently leans into him as well. She nods to his invitation, finding that words may not entirely be for the best. Her hands curl into his hair and shirt a fraction more. Yes, she would gladly join his family and home. While technically has already, she understands he means it in the official and formal sense as well.

Then, her hand leaves his hair in order to wrap around him once more and hold him close.

A moment passes before Lantaa pulls back to look at him properly. A request? She certainly does not mind, but she must admit she had not expected him to ask anything of her. Not that she believes he would go back on her word. No, she has simply come to believe in her life thus far that expecting things leads go misunderstandings and loneliness.

The ears atop her head perk up slightly. The original intention of coming to the room had been to fetch him for dinner. Thus, she nods and gives him yet another small smile. ]

Of course. [ Her tone has dropped to a hushed once more. Her hands move to rest on either side of his face. Part of her would much rather sit as they are with small touches. That would do little to feed either of them afterall. She glances down at the rat in the handtowel then. ] D-do you wish to meet me in the dinning room or...

[thewayforpeace]

[ They are already quite close now, but that does not stop him from leaning in to close what little distance remains. For reasons he is just beginning to understand, sharing in such closeness with her is calming, and thus he seeks out what he can manage to obtain.

She pulls back slightly from him when he poses his question to her, and he notes the way her ears perk up. If he felt more forward, he would reach out to touch them, but for the moment he refrains while he awaits her response. ]

I- Well, I had hoped that we might walk there together. [ But then the thought occurs to him that perhaps he should freshen himself up just a bit before he does so, thinking that she may not like to be in his company so soon after his feeding upon the rat. ] I am not certain what has been prepared this evening, but I hope that it is to your liking.

[ It has been quite some time since he has welcomed a guest into the house, and so he fears that he will fail to fulfill the duties of a host. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ A bashful look takes her face at his request and her eyes tilt downward as her cheeks burn hotter. ] I-I came to fetch you for dinner...

[ As I thought it helped make you feel human again.

Then, she shakes her head. ] I don't know what they prepared. I-I didn't ask... s-since I wanted to fetch you... I'm sorry.

[ Lantaa glances up once more before nudging his nose. Then, she slips slowly from his lap. Her hands stretch out towards him to beckon he join her. Once he stands and reaches for her, she takes a few steps back with her hands in his towards the door that leads to the rest of the manor.

Then, she pauses, remembering the question the steward posed. ]

Would you like to bathe now, or after dinner?

[thewayforpeace]

[ He falls silent for a just a moment as if surprised to learn that she was intending to fetch him to join her at dinner. ] You were?

[ He manages to give her the smallest of smiles, because she has given him far more consideration than he believes he deserves, and yet he is grateful for it as well. ]

Well, if there is anything that I am sure of, it is that the fare that the maid serves would put most other locations to shame, although my judgment may well be far from impartial.

[ And again, her question gives him pause, but he has an answer before too long. ]

You have not eaten yet. [ It is more of a statement than a question, as he knows she has not, but it would be quite impolite of him to delay her eating any longer than he already has. ] You should eat first, and if you would like a bath after, that can be arranged.

[ He knows full well that she was asking after his own needs, but hers are far more important. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ Lantaa nods shyly and glances down with her ears lowered. A flush of embarrassment takes her face. Perhaps she should not have assumed he would join her. Although he most certainly wishes the same thing? She worries that perhaps she is too bold in her assumptions and presumptions. A hope had been there that perhaps he would dine with her, even if human food no longer aids in his hunger. Yet, as he shied himself away from her in even eating as he would, she dares not bring up the suggestion.

Lantaa spins on her feet slightly in order to wrap her arms around one of his. Her finger slide down to lock between his and her gaze raises. She smiles for him then, nuzzling her cheek into the fabric of his shirt. ]

I'm certain it is because it is made for love of you and your family.

[A nod is given to thr statement of a bath, but she fully intends to see that he has one. Not due to a belief he has not cleaned, but because she wishes to pamper him and give him the love he craves so deeply. They are far from the conventional couple, so why should they act as such? he has brought her into his home and life, even his bed. Of course, they have yet to trult be intimate as a couple ought to be. They have only come close, but never pushimg past the last boundaries due to injury. The standard neverthelss has been broken.

Lantaa walks with him from the room and to the dinning room. She smiles at the steward and, instead of sitting across from Aymeric, takes her seat beside him. Her hand remains locked with his, sitting in his lap, brushing her fingers along his. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ He notes the way her ears lower, and before he can stop himself by telling himself what he is about to do is quite inappropriate, he reaches out to her, one hand moving to lightly touch her ear. It is most certainly of his own making, but it feels to him that a wall separates him from Alkaid and others like her, and he is at a loss for how to rid himself of that separation.

Still, he would have to be entirely blind to fail to notice that she is finding ways to reach him even with that wall in place. She is here, after all, and has not ran away even though part of him still expects that she will.

His expression sobers just a little at the mention of family, but he is quick to cover it up with a smile lest he bring down the mood. ]

Yes, I am certain that is what it is.

[ He walks with her until they reach the dining room and both of them take their seats. He notices how she sits beside him instead of across from him, and again, he offers her a smile. ]

I hope that all is to your liking. If not, I am certain that alternatives can be arranged.

[shepherdtostars]

[ Her ear twitches under his gentle touch, but she leans further into his hand. She recalls he had touched her ears once already--when they had first met. It is a calming sensation, and perhaps one she might feel a certain thrill from, if she hadn't so closed the notion off in her mind at the moment. While she desperately wishes to be close to him in all manners, and be with him as a lady truly might? She worries that perhaps it is not what he wants. He has expressed it before, but, perhaps with his vampiric nature controlled it is something he desires less.

Dinner goes plays forward with no issues. The food the staff makes is always delicious, and part of her hopes that one day Aymeric might find himself eating normally again. While he may not derive any strength or nutrients from it? Surely he could still taste and enjoy it. Yet, it is another thing she will not push or suggest. He may not wish it at all in the end.

If only she could help him as he has helped her.

After dinner, her hands reach for his and she pulls him to stand. Her fingers slide between his with a small tug and a gentle smile on her face. All she wishes for is to care and love him as she is so certain they had in lives before. Perhaps he cannot feel it as deeply as she can, or he only truly feels it in certain moments. For Lantaa, however, those emotions from previous lives always seem to be present with her. While sadness comes with her worry and fretting she may finally upset him? The deep sense of love and connection fills her every moment now that she has found him. ]

Now, I think it is time for a bath. [ Lantaa smiles up at him, tail swaying as she nods to his body. ] You have need to clean yourself off after your meal...and I imagine relax before bed.

[thewayforpeace]

[ He wishes that he could be more forward with the things he wishes to do and say, but he finds his resolve flagging almost as soon as he begins to consider it. The smallest of touches is hardly enough for him, but he supposes that it is better than nothing at all. If only he could push past his reservations and be with her in all the ways he wishes to.

But for the moment, he contents himself with sitting beside her while she has her dinner. It has been some time since he ate as ordinary people did, and now that he has no need for consuming food in that way, he finds that he has forgotten the taste of certain things. Still, even he has to admit that the smells that travel throughout the house when food is being prepared would tempt him if he was inclined to consume food again.

When she has finished and had her fill, he stands when she takes his hand and pulls. He truly does wish to let her in past the walls that he has built, but it is a matter of taking that first step and letting those walls slowly fall. He knows full well that he feels emotions the same as anyone would, but he has spent so long concealing his true feelings that he has become disconnected from those feelings and being able to show them to others. He knows it gives him the appearance of being aloof and uncaring, but he never had to worry about that before crossing paths with Alkaid. ]

Perhaps I should prepare a bath for you. My needs are- Well, they are few. That is not to say that your own needs are too many, but I would see you cared for first. [ She may be more than a guest, but he still feels the need to see that her needs are met before his own. ] And what of your own relaxation?

[shepherdtostars]

[ Her head tilts shyly at his question. Once more her ears relax and drop at the side of her head. Her relaxation? Truthfully, she feels at ease when it is only the pair of them and she might be allowed to touch his hair or wrap her arms around him. Perhaps it is all far too simple of a thing for him. Surely the life of a knight and lord, even one that is more of a recluse, must be more complinstead.

Lantaa glances to the side as she feels her cheeks turn hot. ] Caring for you does relax me. It's calming, a-and I get to see you well.

[ She tilts her head down further as her cheeks burn hotter. ] You need to be pampered and cherished, Aymeric. P-perhaps I...I can at least help you in this aspect...

[thewayforpeace]

Why? [ The question slips out before he can recall it. He truly considers himself unworthy and undeserving after so long of having no one but his thoughts for company. Even with what remains of the household staff still being nearby, Aymeric kept to himself more often than not. ]

What is there to... [ The words die off before he can finish his sentence, because he knows that doing so would only upset her. She is determined to care for him and to love him, although he barely understands why. And the idea of one wishing to care for him and see him well is a foreign idea in his mind.

It is not even that he is unhealthy, or that he neglects himself even though he does not go out of his way to indulge, but it surprises him that she would care that much about seeing him be healthy and well. ]

So, a bath... what else would you do? I- It seems my curiosity has gotten the better of me, against my will.

[shepherdtostars]

[ Why?

Her ears lower to her head at the question. She had thought that perhaps she had explained it well enough when they had first met. Lantaa's gaze wanders to the floor as a small frown tugs at her face. Perhaps she truly is too tied to those ancient feelings. Perhaps it is far better he lives so much within this life, and not weighed down by the ghosts of the past. However, she is as she is, and there is no changing that nature. He may not be able to feel those emotions as she does so consistently... or to even wish to feel them.

Her fingers run along the back of his before her head lowers further. ]

B-because... b-because I love you. [ Her voice drops once more into hushed tones as her hands gently shake. ] Y-you're the o-only one... a-and I just want to help... a-and care for you again... b-because...

[ I'm only here for you.

How can she make him understand so that he does not question it any longer? What can she do to help him feel what she does once again? Or, has she always felt so deeply while he merely wonders why she is the way she does? Her thoughts preoccupy her to the point she does not truly hear his question. There must be some way for him to understand that no matter who or what he is in any life, she will love him...

« May I help? Please? »

Lantaa's ear twitches and raises slightly in the direction she hears the voice of her familiar. Her eyes only open slightly as she feels the weight rest on her shoulder. For Aymeric, the blue bird he woken up to watching over him in the cave appears from almost thin air and rests on Lantaa's shoulder. The bird has brilliant blue feathers and a white stomach, and eyes that land squarely on Aymeric. Her familiar ruffles the feathers on her wings and the long tail feathers sway slightly.

« I want to speak to him too! Please, may I? Please? »

Lantaa raises a hand from his so that the bird may hop down onto her hand. She slowly raises it so Aymeric might view the fantastical looking creature properly this time. ]

S-she wants to talk to you. [ Her voice is still quiet, filled with stammers. ] S-she is my f-familiar... m-my only companion since I was little... b-before I found you again...

[ The bird tilts her head up and her black eyes seem to almost glitter in the low candlelight. ]

[thewayforpeace]

[ In between the doubts and fears and insecurities is the thought that perhaps he has spent so long bottling up his true feelings that a disconnect of sorts has formed. Where Alkaid is able to embrace those ancient feelings and bits of memories, Aymeric feels that he is not. At least, at this moment, he does not know how to. He does not believe that they do not exist, as he can feel even the smallest bit of a prodding at certain moments. But he does not know how to truly accept them and incorporate them into his life. ]

I- I am certain it would not come as a surprise to you if I said that I scarcely know how to show love to another. By being kind, I suppose, and defending them from harm, but that is not all there is to it. There are no books that can teach one how to love. [ And before he met her in this life, there were very few individuals who could stand to be in his presence once he became who he is now. Certainly none of them looked upon him with much favor, and certainly not with love. ]

Lantaa, I- [ How can he put into words what it is he is feeling? But before he can say more, she speaks again, and he quickly falls silent. ]

She... She does? [ His eyes widen slightly in surprise, because while he may not know very much about the workings of familiars, he did not expect that Lantaa's would want to speak with him. ] What does she want to talk to me about?

[ He certainly cannot pretend to be knowledgeable about how to speak to one's familiar, but he hopes that Lantaa will offer an explanation. ]

[shepherdtostars]

[ "There are no books that can teach one how to love."

The faintest twitch of her tail can be seen at his words. Had this life robbed him of being able to truly feel and express such a thing? If so, she wonders what the point of it all must surely be. Lives again and again spent without one another, only to be finally reunited and unable to truly be together as they had once before? It is a hopeless prospect in her eyes then.

What is the point of it all? I don't wish to live in a life where I can't be with him. Not again.

The bird seems to sense Lantaa's sudden spiral of emotions. Without a word, and perhaps more of an answer to Aymeric's questions, she flaps upwards. She flies in a small circle before seemingly disappearing into blue lights. Then, somewhat beside Lantaa and somewhat behind her, a girl now stands. The blue of the feathers dons her hair and the pair of wings at her head. Her long twin tails remain with additional feathers, while clawed bird feet stand in place of a normal human pair.

The girl smiles shyly at Aymeric, hands tucked behind her, as she rocks her weight from heel to toe. Her head tilts and then a childlike voice can be heard in his head: ]

« Greetings and salutations! Please, do not be alarmed. I do not mean to cause you any harm. You may talk to me with your voice, if you would like. Lily always said I shoukd not expect people to talk like I do. »

[thewayforpeace]

[ For him, it feels as though he could study such things but never learn what it truly means to love and be loved. He knows that he has not had the same depth or variety of experiences in this life, but then again, neither has she, if his understanding is correct. To want to reach out but being unsure of how exactly do to that is an obstacle he wishes to clear somehow.

There is a part of him that fears she will come to realize that trying to reach him is a pointless endeavor, and she will walk right out of his life again as if she had never been there at all. That very thought causes his own emotions to spiral, and he would curl in on himself a bit if not for him being suddenly distracted by the bird's sudden movement.

Distraction gives way to surprise as he sees the blue bird turn into a girl with wings on her head. And he finds himself being even more surprised when he hears her voice ringing in his mind. ]

How- How are you doing that? [ That is the first question to come to mind, and the second is wondering at the name she uses for Lantaa, although it fits her quite well. But then he coughs, trying to recover his composure, and he adds: ] Is there something that you require?