synthneon | echoes of truth | ❝ tales of loss and fire and flame. ❞

[ Perhaps with him as her teacher, she would take more to her studies than she had in the past. Or perhaps if he were to begin instructing her, she would be too focused on asking him questions about history or any other subject that has caught his fancy, because if she is being honest, she has grown fond of listening to him talk. Not that she has yet to admit that to anyone.

And as for their closeness, she knows that she is every bit as fond of it as he seems to be. ]

Maybe... Maybe it could become more than like. [ And even though she rarely blushes, a hint of red creeps up her neck at that particular admission. She squeezes his hand as shyly as it is possible for her to be.

But at his next question, she shakes her head, doing her best to push away the churning emotions inside and forcing a smile for his benefit. ]

Oh, I'm all right. As well as anyone can be, isn't that right? [ And knowing everything that he and the others who live here have gone through, she feels even more like she has to insist on being fine. ]

[ Well, he can certainly talk for an extended period of time. While he can lose himself for days in research? He has always been one to be able to explain what it is he has found. Finding a rather attentive audience, on the other hand, is rather different. He had quite the lengthy thesis in mind that made him an Archon to begin with. More stories for another time. ]

Ah, then, clearly it was the mystery and the hood. [ He grins as she squeezes his hand. ] Perhaps that as far more appealing than songs and tales?

[ The grin on his face fades at her question. His head tilts as a frown takes its place instead. The Exarch knows better than anyone the pain that the sisters had gone through on his own account and that of Norvrandt. He is not one to dismiss it as much as he led them to believe. ]

Thisru, [ he is certain to say her name with care, as she has allowed him to call her by such informal ways. ] If you will permit me to be rather bold and, frankly, honest? You and your sister both are far from talented liars. Perhaps the Scions do not push out of respect, but I most certainly will out of care. You did all that I asked and even more by saving my life. The least I could do to repay that notion is to sit and listen to what truly weighs upon your heart.

I would make the offer to your sister, but I rather doubt she would take the extended offer, even as a friend. So, you may see it as an invitation by one you like.

[ Something about the sound of his voice and the assuredness with which he speaks has appealed to her, to the point that she could listen to him wax on about any subject and be completely engrossed by it. And, well, if he were to regale her with stories, she would be a rapt audience indeed. ]

Maybe it was. But I think the person beneath the hood had something to do with it, even if he was determined to redirect any questions that anyone asked him. [ She manages a small smirk for his benefit, because she recalls trying to ask him more about himself, only to be rebuffed. ] I think that songs and tales would be more than interesting, if someone wanted to share some of them. [ But at the same time, she is aware how awkward it might be to relate songs and tales that have been written about himself. She wouldn't be overly eager for such a thing either. Now, if she could find a bard who knew those stories and tales, that would be another matter entirely.

But when he speaks her real name, her ears lower and her head follows, as if revealing the exhaustion that she hides behind her usual confident exterior. ]

I- [ Her voice falters before she can even really begin, and she shakes her head, the action setting the tips of her ears into movement. ] Where would I even start?

[ Perhaps in this way, she and her sister aren't so different. K'thisru herself is good at speaking her mind and her opinions, but when it comes to voicing her thoughts concerning herself, she finds herself unable to. She does not intend to reject his offer, but she simply lacks the words needed to explain herself to him. ]

[ The Exarch only smiles at her statement. It was paramount he remain out of reach--metaphorically speaking. Part of him cannot wonder if she would have reacted the same way if she had been interested when he was a younger man. There were plenty of stories he could have shared at the time. Perhaps, though, it is not worth going over the events of the past in his mind again and again. ]

It has been a number of years since I last sang.

[ A hint of pink shows on his cheeks as his ears twitch. That, alone, is quite the understatement. However, his face settles into one of concentration as she begins to speak once more. ]

I am aware of the situation at hand that is causing no small amount of anxiety for you, and perhaps more for your sister. So, why do we not begin at the start of it all? The Scions returned to their work when their souls did, I am sure of it, so how did your current situation come to pass?

[ He hopes that by getting her to speak of her current state of affairs as facts it may open her to speaking of her heart. ]

[ A part of her still wishes to just throw all caution and propriety to the winds and cross whatever divide is still between them so that he is not out of reach anymore, even if it is only metaphorically. ]

I would like to hear you sing one of these days. I- Well, I think that you must have a nice voice.

[ Her eyes lower slightly so that she is looking at the ground, and for the first time since this all began, she feels tired, as if all her worries and fears are beginning to drain her energy. ]

My current situation... [ It's not really her situation at all, but rather Aymeric's and Alkaid's, and yet she feels no small amount of worry for both of them. It's just putting her thoughts into words that might help the Exarch understand. ]

It's more my sister's than mine, but- [ She lets out a sigh. ] I suppose that in the middle of all of it is how I really thought we were going to become sin eaters.

[ She thinks that must sound strange to him, because what is going on with Aymeric has nothing to do with what happened on the First, and yet she is finding it hard to not focus on that even now. ]

Maybe I will. However, I do not know many songs of the First. Not many remained after the Flood.

[ A small bashful smile takes his place. Truthfully, it is because he rather doubts he could play an instrument anymore. He can still utilize his crystal hand, but, he is unable to truly use it in fine motions now.

Still, it was a worthy price to pay for saving the lives of those on the First and the Source. Especially the life of the one he has loved for so very, very long now. The one he had expected to find mountains of tales of when he awoke. Instead, he merely found the remnants of a nobles memories and the folk stories of a nation she and her sister led to liberation.

Even now it is... difficult to put the feeling he had when those that woke him told him of her fate. Dead on a distant battleground; found holding her sister's hand as if the pair had struggled to save one another until the end. The image alone had sent shockwaves of heartbreak through him, and still does, in this very moment. His hand holds hers tightly for a brief moment as the old painful memories surface.

His ruby eyes close. He hopes, perhaps strangely, that Ser Aymeric had managed to pass first in the timeline that the Exarch hails from. Simply because he knows the pain that comes with living beyond the one he loves. He would wish to see the Lord Speaker spared that pain, for surely, it is would have been tenfold than the pain of unrequited love.

The Exarch tilts his head up to the ceiling once more. The years seem to play out on his face in that moment. His gaze seems distant, even though he is very much in the moment. ]

I had not intended that circumstance for you and your sister. [ His voice is gentle then, even as the Tower whirls in life behind them. ] I had believed that by taking the Light the pair of you held, and channeling it into the Crystal Tower, and teleworking myself and it ... that, well, simply put, it would have reversed all the damage I had done. You, Alkaid, and the Scions would return home. The First and the Source saved and that terrible future avoided.

Instead... well, I brought a considerable amount of pain to you and your sister. Despite all that I had asked of you.

[ His ears fold to his head. Then, he turns to look at her. ]

Please, Thisru. Continue.

[ She does her best to smile for him then, because it seems to her that he deserves to be happy, to do something as seemingly simple as singing. ]

Then we should learn songs from the Source and the First.

[ And if she has to, she'll learn to play an instrument. It still feels shocking to her that in that other future, she and her sister both had perished. Still, in a way, it makes sense, as the life they live is a dangerous one, and neither of them are immune to death.

Nevertheless, it comes as somewhat of a surprise that he of all people would have such strong feelings about her. It stands to reason that the Scions might feel something upon hearing that news, although until recently, she thought of the Scions as mere acquaintances rather than friends. Their time on the First brought them closer together, and she believes they learned valuable lessons while they were there. Not to mention the even more valuable friendships that they formed.

A part of her still hopes that one day, there will be a way for the other Scions to return to the First, because if their last goodbyes were any indication, it was very difficult for them to leave.

A thought occurs to her then. Perhaps she is only being selfish, and so she says: ]

What about you? Of course, it was not... Not pleasant. But for you, I imagine it was worse. Oh, I know you were resigned to doing your duty, but it had to have been hard for you as well.

[ He manages a small breath of a laugh at her statement. ] Yes, I suppose we shall.

[ The Exarch lets out a sigh at her thought. He does not dismiss it, nor is he upset by it. No, instead, he shakes his head. ]

By the time those that woke me from my slumber found me? I had already subjected myself to becoming linked to the tower to prolong my life. Continuing to do so here, on the First, for the sake in which they asked of me was but merely a few more steps on a path I had already chosen. Although, perhaps, chosen for me is more accurate of a phrase. [ A shake of his head then. ] Resigned? Far from it. I... willingly accepted the task, full knowing what it would require of me.

That task, the single notion to save the Warriors of Light. How could I refuse? They had been my heroes; the ones I set to follow after. Saving you and your sister was an honor. [ His heart beats then. There was a far more personal reason to save them. One that he will not share even now, lest she truly feel he is overbearing or reaching. ] It was difficult, and taxing, but every bit as worth it as I had once imagined it would be.

[ K'thisru doesn't say anything right away, choosing instead to remain silent and listen to him as he speaks; but she is also staring at him, a look in her eyes that is clearly conflicted. A part of her wants to lightly chastise him for being so self-sacrificing, but there is another part of her that sees that quality of his as being attractive. If she is being honest with herself, all of him is attractive, from his personality to his looks, even if she dislikes the toll the tower has had on him. ]

It feels strange to be saying this, but you did your task well. I mean... [ A blush of red creeps up her neck and onto her cheeks. ] Alkaid and I are all right, and it's because of you.

[ Well, they have a few more scars than they started with, and some of the effects will take longer to heal, but they were saved thanks to his efforts and sacrifices. ]

[ A smile forms on his face at her statement. Then, perhaps, a look of relief, as if a burden had fallen from his shoulders. His head tilts back for only a moment to inhale deeply. Yes. He suppose the task has been done well and to it's conclusion thus far. ]

Yes... if that timeline somehow does still yet thrive, I hope, that they know their efforts were not in vein. That their work has paid off and their dreams achieved. The Warriors of Light saved and their futures returned.

[ His head tilts. ] A future that I often wonder what will hold for the pair of you. Save this dilemma of tempering and needing to resolve just who has re-summoned King Thordan and the Knights Twelve... I would presume that your sister and Ser Aymeric are to be wed.

What plans do you hold? [ The Exarch's head tilts. He does not expect her to stay on the First nor wish to keep his company for long. He is an old man, and she a woman with many years left in her to travel and explore. ] I plan to continue my tenure as the Crystal Exarch for a short while. Then, perhaps... I might find a way to travel to the Source. Home.

[ She finds that she rather likes it when he smiles and wishes to see him do more of it. Perhaps that will be her next goal: to bring the Exarch more reasons to smile. While he does not seem unhappy, nor has he ever that she has seen, she thinks that he could stand to experience more happy moments, regardless of what they are. ]

Do you think that it will? I hope that there is a chance that it will, at least. After all, if we get to have that knowledge, then I think they should too.

[ Her head also tilts in a similar fashion as she ponders this. She believes that they will save Aymeric and settle the matter of Thordan's summoning and that of the Knights, and when he and her sister are ready, they will be married.

As for herself.... She honestly doesn't know. ]

My plans? I'm not sure. [ Oh, she knows that she would like to stay here for a little while longer and get to know him better, if he would be so kind as to spare her more moments of his time. ] I imagine that the Scions will have more tasks for us. They always do.

[ His eyes close in thought. Does he truly exist in the state he does merely because his own time is so cemented in that of the First? Or, does the time he hails from truly still exist? He finds himself torn on it. Part of him does not wish them to suffer and struggle without knowing that their hopes and dreams were achieved. The other part, however, would hope that those lives spared and reborn a new in the timeline in which they hoped for. ]

If t hey truly still exist. [ There is a sadness in his tone, but a shake of his head. ] All we might do is speculate. I, however, chose to hope that they have all found peace in either regard.

I see. [ A frown then. ] I would have thought that surely, after all you have done, and once the cure developed... that you and your sister would have well deserved rest. [ Not that he is childish enough to believe she would rest along side him. Or, even on the First and the Crystarium for that matter. ] Surely, even they would agree to that.

Edited 2022-05-06 08:59 (UTC)

Maybe if all of us hope enough for them... [ She starts to say, and then she realizes how silly and almost childish that sounds. ] I know that isn't how it works, but I can still hope for that, can't I?

[ The thought brings a smile to her face, at least, but it fades somewhat as the Exarch continues speaking. ]

I wouldn't mind that, but I think someone somewhere would. [ She used to think that the Scions only thought about the next mission, the next duty, and perhaps to an extent, they still do... but maybe she can convince them to give both her and Alkaid a small reprieve. It's just finding a moment for it and hoping that some other threat in the Source or the First doesn't decide to rear its ugly head. ]

What about you? You must need your rest too. [ And now that she thinks about it, she has never heard him mention a need for it, but he must, just like the rest of them. ]

I do not see why you could not. After all, what is the world without any hope? I believe we have seen that for ourselves here on the First. [ The Exarch smiles at her then. ] You would be surprised to know how much that simple hope of yours and your sisters inspires the rest of us.

[ He certainly hopes that the Scions will give the sisters time to themselves once they have come to the conclusion of tempering. Most certainly it will be a long ordeal even once they have freed Ishgard from the grip of King Thordan and his Knights Twelve. ]

My rest comes as I need it. which is not to say that I avoid it! It is typical of those that come from Sharlayan. It was not uncommon to find scholars asleep at their books as they studied or worked on their thesis. We usually found ourselves so absorbed with it that nothing else truly mattered. Not even the taste of food, really.

[ She goes quiet for a moment at that, as if processing his words. At times, she wonders if that really is enough. Part of her believes that what really inspires people is something that they've possessed this whole time, that they always had the potential to do great things. Anything that she and her sister did was just something that gave them a little push.

In the end, she decides to keep those thoughts to herself, because she is certain that he will do his best to argue otherwise. And it isn't even that she begrudges him having those opinions. She just thinks that there are other heroes in the world besides them. Ardbert and the rest of the Warriors of Darkness proved that. ]

I wouldn't mind going to visit Sharlayan one day. I keep hearing stories about it and wondering what it must be like. Aside from being filled with brilliant people and people who would rather study and read than sleep or eat even when they need to.

Ah, yes, the twins are from there. As well as most of the Scions having studied there as well. [ The Exarch tilts his head in thought then. Minfillia truly did gather a mind of scholars about her. He wonders if that makes the sisters feel out of place at any point. ] It is truly a city of beauty and tranquility, minus when the scholars get into arguments of which theory is truly superior. They are not fond of outsiders... and I imagine the process to gain entry into the city without recommendations would be quite a bother indeed. However, if needed, I am certain the Scions would find a way to make it work.

I would not recommend the food there. Unless you happen by the Last Stand.

[ K'thisru wrinkles her nose before she can stop herself. She has had to do her share of studying, and she doesn't mind it, but she prefers adventure and traveling over studying. ] If I had to choose, I think I'd pick the Crystarium over Sharlayan. I know that's not fair since I've never seen it, but-

[ She shrugs. ] What would happen if someone came along and started making their own food?

[ A fond smile touches his face as his mind wanders back to what he had just previously mentioned. Home. Although, it would be the Soruce as his memories of a younger man detail, not those he awoke to. His gaze travels up to the translucent screens as they continue to pull the I formation he requested. What does she think of the idea of him returning to the Source with them? Liking someone is far different than spending a lifetime of adventures with them. A distant look crosses his eyes, wondering if perhaps she would rather he travel on his own.

His smile fades slightly to be replaced by a look of nostalgia.] The core of the Crystarium was modeled after Sharlayan. Of course, it took on am identity of its own, but the parentage is there if one knows how to look.

[ The Exarch closes his eyes. He has every intention of answering her question. After a brief moment of deliberating, he turns his gaze to her once more. ]

I imagine the founder would welcome the idea of learning more cuisines. If Sharlayan opened her gates once more.

I hope you do not mind my insistence, Thisru, but is that all that truly bothers you? You... have deflected the conversation rather well, I'm afraid. And perhaps it is not one you wish to have with me...

[ Her mind is already churning with thoughts and a myriad of possible responses to the conversation threads at hand, but he draws attention once more to how she seems to be deflecting the topic of their discussion away from her and what might be on her mind.

The tips of her ears turn downward as she tries once again to make some sense of everything that seems to be dragging her down. But then, she looks back at him with some surprise in her eyes. ]

Who else except for Alkaid would I talk like this with? [ She shakes her head, knowing that there is no one else. She might appreciate the Scions and their knowledge, and there is no pretending that they have not been through a lot together, but there are some things she just can't say to them. ]

Even so, it isn't right of me to put such things on you, even if I- [ He deserves her honesty, and so she pushes forward. ] Even if I want to. [ But is it really not right for her to share those things with others? She's realizing that, aside from Alkaid, she really doesn't confide in anyone about what she thinks and feels about things that have happened to them both. ]

Ah... yes, of course. Who else indeed.

[ The Exarch offers her a smile that does not quite reach the corners of his cheeks. He has offered, of course, but she is free to turn down that very offer. Perhaps that is for the best, despite how his heart sinks at the idea. He tilts his head to the side and turns his gaze back to the screens above them once more. This time he keeps his ruby eyes on them and lets his white tinged hair obscure his face. ]

Still, if you ever find need of one to listen and perhaps offer advice? I am ever at your service. You have done more for the people of the Crystarium and the First. Saving my life aside, it is truly the least I could do.

[ He would offer more than just advice if he thought she would like it. His shoulder to cry on, his arms to hold her, all the knowledge the Allagans had within the Tower that might help her hone her craft of summoning. In that moment, however, he feels very much like the young man who failed to impress her. Or, perhaps, he has ever been that way and he had simply hoped that the years of experience made him even slightly more attractive in some way.

She did say she liked him. Still, it is best not to push too far. ]

Although, if you would spare me the moment? My offers are not given simply because you are a Warrior of Light, or chosen by Hydaelyn. I have always found you to be a breath of fresh air in the world. One who brings the best out of any you speak to. While I do see you and your sister as heroes? I care greatly for you as simply K'thisru Pahsh.

[ He raises his normal hand to gently brush along the crystallized arm. ]

What would you wish to speak of then?

[ Aside from one or two instances in which she let her emotions get the better of her, she has told herself that it is not a good idea to place her troubles upon him, even though he has said before that hearing her talk about what bothers her is the least he can do.

Knowing that she should not ask him yet again if he is certain, she decides that maybe it would not hurt to let him in. After all, she would be lying to herself if she said that she did not wish to become closer to him, to learn more about him, and perhaps to even let him see more of herself. ]

I- Well, I think that I... It's going to sound foolish, but I-

[ She mentally chastises herself, because her hesitance isn't helping counter her resolve to act as a Warrior of Light should. When she finally speaks, her words come out all in a rush before she can talk herself out of saying them. ]

I have been thinking about what I might do with myself when- well, if Alkaid and I retire from being Warriors of Light. [ If such a thing is possible, at least. But she already knows Alkaid does not wish to be a warrior forever, and while she herself does not mind it, she also would not mind being merely an adventurer again. ]

[ The Exarch waits patiently for what she might say. He had to learn the skill and temper it over the years as they set the path forward to save the First and the Source. Even then, it required no small amount of hope and faith that the Warriors of Light (now coined Warriors of Darkness) would agree to such a thing. It pushed the sisters into paths and strifes unknown. Whatever damage they have suffered between the pair of them is, ultimately, his doing. If there is anything he might be able to do in order to make amends and heal those hurts? He will leap at the chance to do. ]

That far from foolish. At some point, we all wish to move to something else in our lives. A new chapter, if you will. [ Another reason why he wishes to return home to the Source. ] I am certain Alkaid already has a path set forward, but, what of you? Have you an inkling on what you would wish to do? I imagine you would wish to travel and see the world still.

[ The Exarch keeps his gaze forward. How long has it been since he thought of a future of his own design? Surely it must be even more daunting for her than for himself. He realized, after the adventure to the World of Darkness, that it was his duty to oversee and care for the Crystal Tower. It had been left to his bloodline by the Princess of Allag, and how could he refuse after all that had transpired? It is his life work to see that the Tower became a beacon of hope for mankind once more. A work that, he wonders, if the sisters have truly fulfilled and not him. They are the ones who made sure the night returned, the ones who fought the Allag machinations in the Tower.

He is merely a keeper and abductor of a rich and vibrant keeper. Not unlike one who watches a lighthouse.

His gaze drops to the crystal arm once more. He dare not move it as she holds it, fearing she may think he rejects her when quite the opposite is true. ]

Edited (he had more to add later oops) 2022-06-10 21:13 (UTC)

[ She tilts her head to one side as her thoughts seem to spin away from her as they tend to do when she is unsure of herself and what her desires actually are. ]

Oh, I want to see the world and meet new people and make new memories... There is a lot of world to see, after all, but-

[ Her expression turns thoughtful then. ]

It can be a little lonely traveling alone. I have my sister, of course, but I know she doesn't want to wander the world forever.

[ Then she lets her own gaze wander to look at his crystal arm. ] Does it still hurt?

[ The notion that her sister would not wish to wander the world forever comes to no surprise to him, yet he does not make that fact known on his face or in words. If she had been willing to marry a political figure, then, she had the desire to settle at one point. Perhaps it was the slight age difference, or even more likely, she had found one she wished to settle with. He wonders then if K'thisru has simply yet to find that person. That, or, perhaps she will continue to travel till the end of her days. ]

Have the two of you spoken of this already? Or, have you two merely assumed the answer of one another?

[ His gaze drops to his arm. ] Once it has settled into the crystallized form? No, it does not. The turning, however, can be rather ...unpleasant.

I could be wrong, but I always thought that Alkaid wanted to one day put down roots. I think that she likes to travel and to help the people that she meets, but she wants to have a home of her own.

We have talked about what we both want in the future, but it's hard for me to picture a future apart from being a Scion.

[ She truly would not mind retiring from the Scions but remaining a Warrior of Light, but having more freedom to travel where and when she wishes to. For now, though, it seems as though there is still much she can do as a member of the Scions. ]

Does anything help with the turning? [ She wonders if another's touch would at least provide some comfort, or ease the unpleasantness of the process. ]

BOOK 3.5: EVER HEAVENSWARD

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