spicetrance: <lj user="asdagfsd"> (walk ☀ relent and resist.)
ᴘᴀᴜʟ ᴀᴛʀᴇɪᴅᴇs. | ᵏʷᶦˢᵃᵗᶻ ʰᵃᵈᵉʳᵃᶜʰ. ([personal profile] spicetrance) wrote in [community profile] synthneon2025-02-23 09:21 pm

skies of rust || ❝ d'you breathe the name of your saviour in your hour of need. ❞

SKIES OF RUST

I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before.
Come feed the rain
'Cause without your love my life
Ain't nothing but this carnival of rust
CODE BY TESSISAMESS

battlemeditation: (f)

[personal profile] battlemeditation 2025-03-22 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
I suppose that must be strange, speaking with someone who you have yet to meet, someone who is not even born yet. From the lessons I learned with your mother, I know that strange things can happen, but that must be more than strange. Unsettling, perhaps. And how do you know that she is not trying to steer you in a direction that might harm you?

[ To Bastila, it seems more than a little suspicious that Paul's supposed sister is insisting on anything, especially when said sister is not even physically with them. ]

What are her motivations? What are her reasons for steering you in that direction? [ I have not even met her and I don't think I trust her.

She notes the way that Paul's hand tremors against her cheek, and instinctively, she moves closer to him, wanting to offer reassurance.

She can only venture a guess at what he might be thinking of, but the look on her face tells her that it is not a pleasant memory. A stray thought enters her own mind then, but that would be too much of a coincidence for them to be thinking about the same thing. And, really, she isn't certain how much she believes in coincidence anyway. ]


Are you glad that the tribe respects her? I imagine the respect they offer is somewhat different from the respect she might have received on Caladan, if she was given the respect she deserves. Feared, however...

[ She thinks that over for a moment. ] Your mother does have her moments of being rather fearsome, I would say. [ There is a force behind Jessica that appears from time to time, and while Bastila would not say she fears the woman, she can cautiously appreciate that forcefulness.

As she sits there with Paul, she notices how he seems to drift away from her, a little at a time. And where he's going seems to be somewhere she can't follow. Perhaps it's a vision, or a waking dream, and if the things he spoke of just moments ago are any indication, she imagines that what he might be seeing may not be all that pleasant.

Still, all she can do is sit there with him while he navigates whatever strange things he is seeing, and hope that when he comes back from it, he is still himself. From what she understands of visions and dreams, they have a strange way of changing a person.

And as far as she can tell, Paul has been changed quite enough already, although she knows that most, if not all of these changes, are well outside her control, if she ever had any control at all.

For now, she waits. She waits for Paul to navigate the weirdness of his visions and return to her. Eventually, he does, and the only way she can tell that is by the way she touches her face. And then she hears his next words and she leans in closer to him, the desire to comfort him growing stronger by the second. ]


I survived, Paul, and so did you. We survived together, even though we were apart. [ Perhaps her words make no sense. Perhaps he will dismiss them as stupidity. Their survival had nothing to do with anything the other was doing. ]

What is it I want? [ For her, the choice is easy. ] I want to be with you. If I have to be your concubine, I will. If I can be your... your lady, I will. As long as I can be with you.

[ She would even walk behind him carrying his belongings if it meant being with him. ]
battlemeditation: (07)

[personal profile] battlemeditation 2025-03-23 04:13 am (UTC)(link)
I suppose not, because how could anyone understand that when they have yet to experience it? Still, I suppose meeting her will be an experience.

[ She has some knowledge of situations such as this, but that is all it is: the barest of facts, and she knows that facts do not always reflect reality. Paul's sister could turn out to be quite different indeed, and so Bastila resolves to not have any expectations for how she will behave or what she will be like.

For now, however, her focus and her concern is on Paul. To her eyes, he does not appear well. The spice surely is affecting him, but there is more to it than that. She knows now that he can see things; he can view events that may or may not come to pass. She can only guess at what he might be seeing now.

But he could be having a vision of the most mundane thing, and she would still hold his hand and touch his shoulder and call his name, doing whatever she had to in order to call him back.

She does not intend to be vain enough to believe that she is the only one who can bring him back from his visions, but at the present, she is the only one in the tent with him, and so for now, the responsibility falls to her. ]


That is what they want, but it is not what you want, so why should you do it? If you do not think it is the right thing, then you should find what the right thing is for you.

[ She shakes her head. ] I do not want all of those paths, those futures. I want a future with you, in which I can meet you in an alcove if that is what we decide... in which I can grab you by the collar and shake you if it seems that is necessary.

[ Her mouth twitches to one side as if in something like amusement. She might not be so bold in front of others, but when it is only them? She sees no reason to hide that. ]

Are you still with me? [ She can see that he is trying to pull himself out of whatever it is that he has been seeing, and in an attempt to guide him back, she moves her free hand to touch the side of his face in return, mirroring how his hand is brushing against her cheek. ]

Yes, you. [ She continues to look at him with a growing intensity in her gaze. ] I would have you lie down next to me. [ Then she smiles a smile that is warm and inviting, but not enticing, not in that way. Now is not the time for them to lose themselves entirely, not when there is an entire group of people not very far from them. ] Lie down next to me and let me hold you.

And if now is not the time, then later when there is time. And don't say that there isn't, because we will make time, Paul Atreides.
battlemeditation: (04)

[personal profile] battlemeditation 2025-03-25 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ Maybe that is Bastila's purpose here; if Paul and Alia are otherworldly, perhaps Bastila is meant to help ground him. Even though she has never met Alia, she cannot help but already have a negative feeling towards her, if only because something about Alia unsettles Paul. But Alia aside, if things in Paul's life are threatening to undo him and undo what he wants for himself, maybe she can somehow keep him grounded and remind him that he is still Paul Atreides. He might have titles and status and expectations placed upon him, but in her eyes, he is still the young man she talked with late into the night in hidden alcoves.

The request that Paul stay with her is on the tip of her tongue, but reason tells her that things do not work that way. Paul's visions will most certainly continue, and all she can do is simply sit there and watch and wait, hoping that he will return.

What if he does not return one day? She shakes her head slightly as if trying to reject that thought and not allow it to take root. ]


I do not like these visions of yours, but I imagine they cannot be helped.

[ She gives him a considering look, as if trying to reassure herself that he is, for the moment, alright. And then, without another word, she begins to remove the armor given to her (or thrust upon her, as is more accurate) by the Harkonnens.

Personally, she would burn the armor, or bury it deep enough that no one will ever find it again. But then, perhaps that would offend the Fremen, given the existence of sandworms in the- well, in the sand. ]


Paul, you should lie down. [ She can see how he moves and hear the sounds he makes, all pointing to the fact that he is not well. He might not be physically injured, but a healthy person does not make sounds like the ones he is making. ] Let me see to readying the tent.

[ But perhaps she did not speak quickly enough, as before too long, Paul has set blankets on the floor and finally settles himself down there as well.

She quickly puts the armor to the side and puts it out of her mind, at least for the moment, and she moves to join Paul on the floor of the tent. When he reaches for her hair and begins to loosen it so that it can flow freely, she smiles. Paul always knows how to make her feel special... appreciated... perhaps even loved. ]


I can't bring your father back, or your old life, although I wish more than anything that I could. You should have that life still. Your father should still be here; your family should still be on Caladan. [ She makes that distinction because House Atreides held Caladan for years; years upon years. She has not been a part of this family for that long, in the grand scheme. ]

As for my path- I have already chosen it. It's right here.
battlemeditation: (09)

[personal profile] battlemeditation 2025-03-26 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
[ Can two paths belonging to two people intersect and intertwine? Could destiny or fate or any similar idea be bringing Bastila and Paul together? Perhaps it is a silly romantic idea that Bastila feels deep inside herself, but perhaps it really is the outcome that she wants. Will it happen? Maybe, and maybe not.

She wonders if Paul sees them on that path in his visions, or if all he sees is the path leading both of them further apart. Her hands clench into fists for a moment as a sudden urge to curse that path arises; she wants to reject that path while reaching out to grab hold of the path that brings them closer together. It's the path she wants.

A contented sigh escapes her as Paul begins to move his fingers through her hair. This feels right and comforting and it feels like something they have done for years. Perhaps when he tires of touching her hair, she will return the favor and begin tending to his own hair. She never dared be so forthright in front of Jessica or Leto, but in the moments that were just her and Paul, she found the urge rising to just touch him, if he allowed her to and if she was bold enough to go through with the action.

Sometimes she was and sometimes she was not, and the times that she was not, she wished that she could just act without worrying about what people thought about her. What does Paul think about me? She would ask herself and be unable to come up with an answer. ]


Well, whether they can be stopped or not, I will be right here if you need someone to hold your hand.

[ Even if he does not reach back, I will not leave him to deal with this alone. ]

What if your father had not gone to Arrakis? What if he had refused the charge and stayed where he was? I- As much as I agree with you, and as much as I wish that your father were still with us... [ What if one of us had died instead of him? Not Paul, and not Lady Jessica. Absolutely not the Lord Duke.

Bastila knows that she is hardly a replacement for Leto, and her death in his stead would mean next to nothing in the grand scheme. But a part of her wishes she could have taken his place so that he could be here with Paul instead.

She senses and sees Paul slip back into visions or memories or both, and she simply waits, lying beside him waiting for him to return from whatever it is that he is seeing. Perhaps this is simply how it will be between them: Paul will have visions and dreams and Bastila will sit with him and hold his hand and wait for the visions to recede once more.

At least this time, whatever memories Paul is seeing seem to be less harrowing than the visions he had had before. That is a small relief and Bastila finds herself releasing a breath she had not known she was holding in.

After a moment, Paul seems to leave the memories behind, returning to the present and this moment with her. She moves to squeeze his hand but he finds she beats her to it: he pulls her in closer and wraps an arm around her, upon which she settles into his hold as if she belongs there. Fits there. This is where they belong: together, if not exactly in this specific place. ]


I should have been. I do not know why I was allowed to live, when so many others did not. But Paul, I will not have you thinking that any of this was your fault. Even if I had not survived, it would not have been your doing, nor would I allow you to blame yourself.

I would follow you to the ends of the earth if I had to, and I would do it again without a second's thought. How could I not be here with you, with your family? If Arrakis was to be our end, I would rather be here with you than living safely on Caladan or elsewhere.

[ Still, she greatly feels the losses that have happened; Paul's father, his teachers, so many people who meant something to both of them. They should all still be here. They should all still be alive. ]

I would have mourned for all of you, and I did, in my own way, but- the Harkonnens were watching. I did mourn, but I could not let you go, not even once. Not even for a second. They said that you were dead, that your parents were dead. Parents, servants, teachers... anyone who had ever even come close to the Atreides was dead. And I would be too, if I did not do exactly as I was told.

But they could not stop me from thinking.
battlemeditation: (06)

[personal profile] battlemeditation 2025-03-30 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
[ Bastila wants to believe them to be true, because it's important to her that she and Paul can control their own destinies, their own fates. Paul might say otherwise, however reluctantly, given what he has seen in dreams and visions, but Bastila refuses to believe that their paths are already decided. And as far as she is concerned, Paul's path and her path are the same. They are connected, intertwined, no matter what the Bene Gesserit have to say.

If he can just admit that they are connected and hang all the rest of his visions, except for the ones he wants to see become reality? That is good enough for her. Of course, she can't know the nature of his thoughts, even though she can venture a guess at them based upon his expressions and his words.

And, well, if what he can see leads them closer, and if it leads to children... So much the better. She wants a life with Paul, and if that life includes having a family together, again, she has no complaints. ]


I know that there was no ignoring the orders from the Emperor, but I wish that the outcome had been different. I know we all wish that, and that there is no use in wishing, but I can hardly help it. If I could reach back and do something to save your father, you know that I would.

[ She hums quietly in thought, not because she finds anything about this moment they are sharing anything less than serious, but because she needs a moment to gather her thoughts. She knows that she stays close to the Atreides by her own choice; it may not have started out that way, and some would say it still is not her choice, but even if she had all the choices in the world, she would still stay with them as long as they allowed her to. ]

There may be an entire world out there for me to see, and much more for me to do, but- I choose to remain here. I choose to remain with you. I do not need those other possibilities, whatever they may be. All I need is to be yours, to walk with you and talk with you and simply be here. I would never ask the Sisterhood for that.

[ For anything, if she is being honest with herself. Well, that is not entirely true. She would ask for their help if it came down to Paul's life being in danger and the Sisterhood could do something about it.

She stares at Paul then, or what she can see of him, with a longing in her eyes: a longing to place both hands on either side of his face and pull him in for a kiss. But for the moment, although it takes great effort, she refrains. ]


I did not- I was not ready to give all of you up as dead. How could anyone be ready for that?

[ She had thought about what she would do if she was the only one left alive; would she try to leave Arrakis? Surely the Sisterhood would see her secreted off-world. But where would she go? What would she do? Either path seemed to lead to no future that she wanted for herself. ]

I do not care what the Harkonnens think. The only thing that I have to say about them is that I wish they were all dead, and of course, that is an impossibility.

[ She slides a little closer to him then, pressing more of herself against him, simply because she wants to be close to him, not because she wishes to do anything more. The time is not right for that, she tells herself. ]

I wonder... What would Muad'dib have me do? Still, I find that what Paul Atreides desires to be of greater importance.

[ He states what he would have her do, and she smiles warmly at him. ] Then it is good that I am here with no intention of ever leaving your side. And if you wish for me to fulfill those roles for you, I shall do my best to see your wishes fulfilled to the letter.

[ And again, that urge to simply kiss him without thought of propriety rises to the surface. How long can she resist this urge? ]