synthneon | oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

I didn't before. [ Beth's gaze turns solem.

It can't surely be simply because Alan wants to protect her. That can't be the only reason why she's been pushed away. There must be more to it. Maybe age difference. Maybe her job. Maybe he has realized he would rather have the life of a famous author celebrity again.

She closes her eyes. The upset should be obvious in small similar ways.

She is Jesse and Jesse is Beth. ]

I was covered in mud. I stumbled down part of a dirt pathway, falling down to the next part of the path. I had a flashlight but no weapon. If I couldn't dance anymore? I was going to prove they existed. [ Beth pauses for a moment. She pulls over her options. Something tells her that Alan will learn either way about it all. ] Alan would tell you my parents died due to crime. People who broke into our house and killed them as they planned to rob the place.

They weren't people.

You didn't before, and now you do, and... is it your Alan's fault? [ He still thinks that he really doesn't have the best record when it comes to relationships. Maybe that's a common theme for all Alans. But whether or not that's true, all Alan can see is the need to fix this. Beth's Alan needs to fix this, but since he's not here, Alan's trying to figure out what he can leave behind that might allow this mess to be repaired.

He goes quiet again as Beth continues to explain, and as she talks, Alan's expression seems to fall, turning more and more serious and grim until his mouth is pressed together into a thin line. ]

... You went looking for Taken. [ He feels a chill come over him, and a sense of anger directed at Beth's Alan. Maybe he has no right to be angry, but from where he's standing, he just let her down. ]

They could have killed you.

I don't know what to think. I don't know why he's pulled away. I don't know how to fix it or if it is even salvageable.

[ Beth's gaze falls. ]

Taken? The Bureau calls them "Shaded Individuals." [ A nod is given then. It works... makes sense in a way. ] It didn't matter to me at the time. I'd either die proving it to myself... or I'd just die. I couldn't dance. My family was dead or was adopted. It was the one thing that was left.

Alan found me in the nick of time. I was angry at him at first. It's not like he understood or wanted to understand. But, he cared. More than anyone else around me at the time. [ Beth lets out a sigh before looking upwards again. ] He didn't stay at the clinic long. He had the idea for his next book.

Edited 2024-11-25 07:26 (UTC)

It has to be; this can't be the end for both of you. It won't be the end.

[ He's confident of that, even though he doesn't know exactly what is going to make the difference for Beth and her Alan. All he knows is that this can't be it for them. ]

Yeah. Taken, Shadowed Individuals... It's all the same thing in the end, I guess. They're not the same people anymore. Maybe they're not people at all, like you said.

[ His gaze falls slightly as the weight of what she's saying sinks in on him. She really felt as though she had nothing left to lose, maybe even nothing left to live for. But... Alan found her. He cared enough about her to go looking for her. That has to mean something, doesn't it? ]

He went to go find you, and then once he did, he just left? Why would he do that? Did the two of you ever talk about what happened?

I'm glad one of us is confident in it.

[ Beth has no idea how to begin speaking to Alan anymore--her Alan. Not without it being something that sounds more like roommates than lovers. Then again, they really haven't been "lovers" for awhile. They haven't even been a married couple for awhile. Maybe it's been past saving for ages and she has been too stubborn to admit it because she still loves him.

She felt like her Alan was trying to reach out to her in the interview. Say something to her or about her... then the conversation switched to his friends. His writing partners. The trinity that puts his stories together and makes them happen. A reminder that she's not in that space and really has no place in it. ]

It was a week or so after he found me that he left. We talked... sort of. He doesn't believe in anything supernatural. I guess he recognized that he saved me from danger but that it was a storm, not something more.

The book idea he had was what became "Departure."

I have to be confident in something, so... Why not be confident in the fact that you and your Alan will be together for the long haul? And- and I'll be confident that I'll find a way to get back to the person I'm supposed to be with.

[ He knows it's not as simple as just believing in it, and of course he can't just flip a switch that fixes all of their problems. Even being a writer isn't enough to make what they both want a reality. It could become a reality, but he can't just force it to be one. He can nudge reality to shift events in ways that might help shift the story, but there's only so far that that goes. ]

What was it that drew Alan- your Alan to you, to start with? Maybe he just needs to be reminded about what that was. [ He smiles, and it's a crooked sort of smile. ]

Look, guys like us- Sometimes we get so caught up in things and in doing things that we forget about what's important. Maybe he's forgotten what's important, and you could remind him of that. If you wanted to.

[ Hell, she could even grab him by the collar and give a good shake to snap him out of it. Maybe that wouldn't help at all. ]

Sorry, maybe you already said, but why doesn't he believe in it? Do you think- If he did believe in it, would it help you be on the same page again?

[ He's really at a loss for something concrete that would bring them back together, but he's not about to give up either. ]

You say that like you're never confident.

[ Beth's eyes remain trained forward. It'd be a lie to say she hadn't revisited how she met her Alan recently. Several times in fact. She chalked it up the longing for what she had. But, life has changed. Alan has changed. She's changed.

There's simply no place for her in all of that. He has the trio he needs to be successful. Not that she was ever apart of it. She isn't an artist or a creator anymore. She can't even dance. ]

I thought it was because we were similar in some way. He's a writer... I used to be a dancer. But, he could still write. I can't dance anymore. I'm just--maybe it was just the fact I wasn't like anyone else. Now, he needs something more relatable. Not weird.

[ She leans forward with her elbows on her knees. ]

Did you always believe in the crazy shit that happens in Bright Falls? Weren't you skeptical at one point? Alan's always been skeptical. There's been no reason not to be. He doesn't want to be apart of that world or even think there's something beyond the poster. I respect it. Not everyone can handle it.

That's the problem. We live in different worlds and there's no real overlap anymore. He has the circle of people he needs to keep the successful life going. He doesn't need the inspiration of Bright Falls or even me.

[ Alan hinted on the interview that he had a muse. Someone who stayed out of the limelight. She doubts she could even be a muse for him now--if she ever was. Not when they can't even speak to one another. ]

Maybe I should let him go... for his own sake.

I haven't always been. there's been a lot of times where I had no idea what the hell I was even doing. You know how some people talk about throwing things at the wall and hoping something sticks? That's been me before. It's probably still me.

[ He wants to help her and Alan; that's obvious, and it's a given. He just feels like he's grasping at straws trying to figure out how, and since Beth doesn't seem to know either, they're basically at an impasse. ]

I can't help you dance again, and I can't really bring you and Alan together if you don't really want that... I mean, if you're resigned to your relationship falling apart. I don't know if that's how you feel, but- I was there once. I thought my relationship was over. [ Turns out it was, but I'm not going to tell her that. That wouldn't help her at all. ]

Throw me a bone or something here, something I can work with. Yeah, I was skeptical; yeah, it took me a long time to accept that the crazy things going on were real. It was all real, and it was happening to people. It was happening to me. Do you think there's a chance that he's accepted it but hasn't actually told himself he's accepted it?

I know I didn't jump right into acceptance right out of the gate.

[ He fixes her with a look. ]

Look, maybe you need to take matters into your hands. If he has a circle of people, then break into that circle. You're with him, you deserve to take your place there. And if there's not a place there now, then maybe you should make one.

[ Alan finds himself shaking his head, slowly at first but growing faster. ]

Letting him go is the last thing you should do.

I'm not sure anyone is going to know what to do right away. It's not like you run into an alien dimension every day if you had no experience with it before. [ Her eyes remain on the sky. ] The Bureau only.has the procedures in place after dealing with so many of them... and usually dealing with them wrong at first.

I never said I didn't want it. [ Her gaze drops, then slides to Alan. It's clear while she hasn't given up? She feels hopeless. She doesn't know what to give him. She doesn't know what needs to happen to fix their marriage. ] Maybe. Maybe it's why he spends more time by himself and then going to New York. Other than the fact he was doing the book tour.

I was apart of it once... even if I didn't exactly fit in. He'd show me manuscripts first. Then, we'd go to New York. Meet with Alice and Barry. [ She shakes her head. ] Then, he wouldn't let me help at all.

Maybe that's what you need to do. If he's spending time by himself, put yourself in there with him. Maybe he'll try to push you away, but you can't let him. You shouldn't.

Look, I don't know what's going on with him, but- if he's anything like me, being alone isn't good for him. Maybe he doesn't want to be by himself, but he can't remember how to ask for something different.

[ Alan shakes his head and smiles a self deprecating sort of smile. ] I don't know about him, but I'm not the smartest guy sometimes. [ Sometimes I need help. I wonder if Alan needs help too. ]

What if he thinks it's too late? What if he thinks you don't want to help anymore?

[ Alan looks to the side for a second, thinking he heard something from inside the house, but then he looks back at Beth, pausing while he waits for her answer. ]

[ Beth blinks once, twice, then stares at the tree line ahead. A hint of a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. A real smile. One that he has certainly seen on a face that belongs to Beth but is far dearer to his heart. His version of her. ]

He had an interview for his book today. Not the one you saw tonight, but, another one. Presumably the one you coat tailed on. [ Then, her shoulders dropped. ] I met him at the car this morning. I offered to drive him into town or even all the way to Sea Tac. If only just to show I was trying to support him in the book tour even if he didn't want me at the interview or the celebrity things.

[ The outcome should be obvious. ]

I don't know what more to do.

Keep doing that. Keep showing up, when you can. Even if he tells you to stop...

[ Alan feels a strange sort of lump forming in his throat and he can't quite put his finger on why. Maybe it's because he wants Beth and Alan to stay together. Maybe if they stay together, they'll have a happy ending. Maybe this is just a rough patch for them that they need to navigate.

It could be a fool's hope to think that he can somehow help, but he's not going to stop either. ]

One day, he's going to turn around and hope that you're standing there. I know, it's not fair to you to keep waiting like this, but...

[ His gaze lowers to stare at his hands. If she's not there when he looks for her, he might never look for her again. ]

Just keep on doing what you're already doing. He'll wake up and see you there eventually.

[ A passive glance is sent to Alan. He's with her now, so, whatever attempts to be made would need to wait until they get him back from... wherever he came from. It's obvious there are things she wants to say; things she wants to share. The problem is that she wants to share them with her Alan. Not that he seems willing to listen or to even be involved in anything at all. ]

Eventually.

[ Beth looks to the side in a familiar gesture. ] What happens if I'm not there for eventually. Not by my choice.

I don't know, are you anticipating not being there for "eventually"?

[ If she's anything like Jesse, there is a good chance that she may not be there for that "eventually". ]

Either way, I'm probably in the way here, huh? [ The only question is, how exactly is he supposed to take his leave when he's not entirely sure how he wound up here in the first place? This could be like something he's written, but he's never actually replaced anyone before that he knows of.

No, this seems like new territory to him, and he doesn't know how he's supposed to navigate this. ]

[ Beth falls into a haunted silence. Maybe they're not visions like Alan has, but, sometimes she has dreams. Things that feel like they're from other places or if she's in another world all together. It's why the concept of another Alan really hasn't phased her. Anything is possible when they're next to a Threshold that can open at any point and effect creative people.

She was a creative person.

Once. ]

I might end up dead. Like she did.

[ It would of been better if it had been a dream where she viewed it from outside herself. Instead, she lived it. She lived having the argument with someone she had never met before. She lived trying to keep a hedron shaped item from that someone. She lived the explosion, the knock back, the end of the altercation.

The gun to her head as it fired into her skull and everything turned dark.

She heard the scream from someone who sounded like Tim.

Then, she woke up.

Every intention had been there to tell Alan. They may have been in separate rooms, but she wasn't the one who wanted to shut down and throw up walls. She wanted to tell him about it just as she would of earlier in their marriage. But, he had already left for New York for the interview on the "Harry Garret Show."

Maybe Alan could see what she did. ]

Edited 2025-01-19 19:25 (UTC)

Dead? [ Alan feels a chill come over him, first when he sees how Beth's demeanor changes, and again when she says those next words. ]

Who's "she"? [ Part of him doesn't want to know, because whoever she is, she's apparently dead, and Beth is afraid that the same thing might happen to her.

Alan immediately hears himself protest inwardly, because no one is going to die on his watch, not again. Jesse died enough times during the loops, and that's enough to make Alan resolved that that won't happen again, to Jesse, or Beth, or this mysterious other person that Beth is talking about.

... Then, something seems to happen that Alan can't really explain; maybe it's more visions. Echoes. But he shouldn't be able to see them anymore, right? It doesn't make sense to him at all, but dreams don't make sense. If this is a dream, anyway. Whatever it is, Alan sees something unfolding in front of him: a scene... no, several scenes playing out until they reach one horrifying ending.

A woman who looks like Beth and Jesse but not exactly, dead on the ground. And apparently her name is Beth as well. What the hell?

Alan lurches back to reality with a jolt, and he looks at Beth with an equally haunted look. But he's not so haunted that he can't form words. ]

That's not going to happen to you. Whatever the hell that was, however the hell I saw it- You're not going to end up dead.

[ A shake of her head. Beth isn't entirely sure who she is in the dream. It looks like her, but something tells her it isn't entirely herself. Just as this Alan isn't entirely her Alan. They're both "Alan Wake", but it's obvious that the Alan that found his way to her has found his way and possibly even come to some sort of conclusion on whatever had been plaguing him. One that knows about his own abilities and knows about the Lake.

Alan lurches and Beth practically jumps out of her skin. She whirls to look at him properly, eyes wide, an undercurrent of worry clear in her gaze. Her arm even snaps out in order to keep him from falling forward off the stairs of the deck. ]

Shit, Alan. [ Beth lets out a long exhale to calm herself down but also show her annoyance at the same time. ] You saw it, didn't you? The thing I saw. The woman who looked like me and has my nickname.

[ A twinge of her lip. She can't promise or deny that she won't die. That doesn't change the fact of how real it all felt. How it might feel. That same scenario might happen with someone else she knows. Estevez may have to put her down at some point. Someone else may be become a Taken.

Her gaze catches the darkening skies.

Beth gingerly pushes herself up to avoid the twinging ankle. A hand is offered to Alan to help him up. ]

It's getting dark. We shouldn't be out at night.

[ This is all more craziness that Alan's finding he has to work to wrap his mind around. The world is full of craziness; he knows that now. There's craziness and darkness and powerful otherworldly beings that want this reality for themselves. Well, maybe not whatever this situation is that he's in, but... maybe somewhere, Beth and her Alan are real. Maybe they're out there living their lives, separately or together. Maybe the Dark Presence is hounding them there too. The Hiss is probably a thing that exists as well. Maybe they exist in all realities.

When he snaps out of the memory or recollection or vision or whatever it is, he instinctively presses his fingers to his forehead before letting his hand fall away again. He zeroes in immediately on Beth when she snaps her arm out to catch him, and he suddenly feels a sense of strange embarrassment. ]

... Yeah. Sorry, I- I wasn't expecting that. I saw it, the woman who could be your sister.

[ Alan knows he looks and sounds rattled, but he can't seem to dislodge the image from his mind of the gun being pressed to the woman's head, and then hearing it go off, and seeing her dead on the ground.

It's hitting a little too close to home, and he can only imagine how it must make Beth feel. He knows that she's right; safety isn't guaranteed for her or anyone, not in a world like the one they both know. There really is no guarantee that any one of them won't die. Still, they have to do the best they can to protect each other, right? ]

Yeah, you're right. I know what nightfall means and what comes out at night sometimes. Most times, probably. I just wish that I had a better idea how to help you. There has to be something I can do that I'm just not thinking of.

[ He looks up at her and with a small smile, takes the offered hand. ]

If I could just talk to you and your Alan both, maybe something would happen. I know that sounds insane, though.

[ A woman who could be my sister?

Beth's eyes narrow slightly in thought, but she keeps any comments or questions to herself. She waits for him to steady himself. Then, her arm pulls back, and she crosses them underneath her chest. All she can think is that he saw what she had seen. A potential death of her--maybe another her. This Alan can see things after all. She's sure hers can, but, if he does? He never talks about it.

Ever. ]

It's not every night, but, let's not take any chances. Not when you're more in control of your powers. Who knows how the Shadowed are going to react. [ She turns slightly and heads back inside. The door only closes once Alan steps back inside. Then, she locks it. ] It wouldn't be weird to talk to yourself?

[ She enters the living room. Tim is gone, as to be expected, with the television turned off. That's probably for the best. Beth doesn't want to see anything else of that interview. Maybe Alan will sit and watch it but she won't. Inevitably, Barry will be calling in the morning and asking Alan how he feels about it all. The book is releasing within the week anyways. ]

...Where did you want to sleep for the night?

[ Alan doesn't know any more about what he saw than Beth does, but what he did see was enough to leave him reeling. Still, maybe now isn't the time to discuss it. She probably doesn't want to talk about how someone with her face was shot in the head.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk at all, because he's not her Alan. ]

Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I can fight them off if I need to, but that's probably not what you or anyone else needs, even if you are used to that kind of thing. [ And after what he saw, he really doesn't want to do anything that might put her in harm's way. ] I mean, probably, but my bar for "weird" is kind of screwed up.

[ He wonders how her Alan would react if he saw himself standing there next to Beth. Hopefully he doesn't end up being the one taking a bullet.

In any case, he follows after Beth into the living room that's now quiet and empty again. He looks around the room when Beth asks the question, and then he just nods at the couch. ]

The couch is fine, although if you want your house back, I can find somewhere else to go.

[ Beth sees the whole situation as if it's an out of body experience. Someone that is her, but isn't, dead with someone that looks like Tim there. Not Alan. It springs to mind too many questions. Did that version of her know Alan? Were they ever together? If she had known Alan, would she still end up dead?

Will she end up dead that way even if she knows Alan?

Beth simply nods. It's good this Alan knows how to fight off the Shaded Individuals. How much he's had to embrace of all of it though... should she even ask? ]

How did you learn to fight them?

[ Too late. She's already asked.

She frowns slightly at his statement. ] There's other guest rooms you can take. Sleeping in our--the master bedroom--might be too weird. I get that. You don't need to sleep on the couch or even get out of the house. It's big enough for other people in it.

[ Alan can tell just by watching Beth that a lot of thoughts and maybe even questions are running through her mind right now. She may not be Jesse, but so many things are similar between them, and even when she's thinking, her thoughts have a way of showing on her face. Still, Alan isn't about to assume he knows what might be on Beth's mind. He'll let her tell him, or ask him questions, and he'll wait until she's ready. ]

It was a long time ago, now. I met someone who helped me... a man in a diver's suit. He told me how light affects the Taken, how it can be used to make them easier to attack. I've kind of had a long time to learn how to really fight them; thirteen years, if you can believe it, although it feels like so much longer.

[ I died so many times trying to fight my way out. That's probably why it feels like it's been so long. And all the loops didn't help either. ]

Would you really want someone else in your master bedroom? [ He's not sure he could do it, or even should do it. It would feel incredibly wrong and disrespectful to the Alan that she knows. ]

If you have a guest room you don't mind me using, I'll take that. I won't mess it up or damage anything.

[ Somehow, that feels important for him to say. ]

[ Her eyebrows knit slightly. A diver suit? Eyes travel to the side in thought. It rings a bell. Hadn't Thomas Zane, the local poet who died in Cauldron Lake, been a diver? She'll need to look into it tomorrow. ]

Thirteen years. [ She pauses and looks back up at him. ] You've been fighting the Taken as long as I've known my Alan. 2010, right?

[ Does that mean any version of Alan always comes to Cauldron Lake then?

Beth shrugs. ] No one else is using it right now. But, the guest rooms are down the hall. I have the one furthest down. [ Then, a shake of her head. ] It doesn't matter to me if it's messed up. That shows someone is living in it. Right?

Yeah, 2010 is where it all started. I had no idea what I was getting into back then, but- strangely, I don't know if I'd take another path then or not. If I did, I wouldn't have met Jesse. I wouldn't have gone through hell, but who knows where I'd be now if I hadn't?

I don't know if I would have been better off or not. Not that you needed to hear all that.

[ Alan lets out a sigh at her admission that no one is using the master bedroom. So much about this is wrong, and all of it bothers Alan. ]

This sucks. I know I can't do much to fix it, but I want you and your Alan to patch things up. To be together again. It's not right.

[ A wild idea enters Alan's mind, and it probably shows on his face, but reason tells him he really shouldn't suggest it. It's a terrible, insane idea. ]

[ Beth crosses her arms. ] Jesse is worth that much to you? You'd go through everything you did with Cauldron Lake JUST to meet her? [ She pauses. ] She's lucky.

[ A ghost of a smile touches her face at his apology. Then, a shrug. There's not much either of them can do. Alan is stubborn -- as this Alan most likely knows. All she can do now is just... wait. Continue on like she can. She can't dance anymore--her injury proved that. Maybe once this Alan returns home hers will come back and either hug her or... serve her divorce papers. ]

I want that too. Maybe he doesn't.

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crazyisinevitable - 2025-02-18 08:40 (UTC) - Expand

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