synthneon | oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

[ Even if it was disturbed by the power going out, looking back on those handful of hours of sleep that he was able to get, Alan knows it's easily the most restful sleep he's had in who knows how long. It wasn't deep sleep by any means, and he still felt just the slightest bit unsettled in the darkness, but he managed to rest, and that's something of an achievement, at least for him.

But that's not the focus of his thoughts. No, his focus is on Jesse and on finding out what she needs. She wouldn't have woken up for no reason, so something must have happened, and he wants to find out what.

He's worried about her, to the point that even if he wanted to stay in bed and keep on sleeping, he knows he wouldn't be able to. He just wants to make sure that she's all right, and that she's happy and feels loved and cared for. Now that he's in more of a position to do that, he knows he'd run himself ragged trying to achieve that, and more. Of course, that's not what she'd want, but he knows full well that there's nothing he wouldn't do for her.

He notes the keychain that she's holding, and he wonders if nightmares about the loops and all the times they had to say goodbye are what woke her. He doesn't have to be a perceptive writer to know that she didn't take well to being left behind.

He smiles a small smile when she places her hand over his and gives it a squeeze. Her touch always does something to him. It helps ground him, and it makes him feel safe and loved. Does he help her feel that way at all, or does he just constantly make her feel like she has to always worry about him? ]

Before... before I answer that, I just have to ask: are you okay? How long have you been awake?

[ He already has an answer to her question, somehow. The memories of the last thirteen years are sketchy at best, and he barely remembers things that happened at the beginning of those thirteen years, but some things still stick out in his memory. He wishes that he could remember all of it, but he's already decided that it's best if he just takes what he can get. ]

I didn't wake you up again, did I? I can't keep being the reason you don't get to sleep as much as you need.

[ Lines form on his forehead betraying his concern for her, but he can't help it. She deserves better, even though he knows better than to say that out loud again, because she'll just pin him with a look at tell him to stop. Even so, he still believes that she deserves better than what he's given her so far. That's become a key motivation in his desire to be better. ]

[ Jesse's head tilts slightly at his questions. They're fair. She can't say she's angry or even annoyed that he has asked them. They would be his concerns. Even more so after she insisted so much that he sleep.

His other hand rests on her knee. Her skin is cold to the touch. Not ice cold or freezing. The temperature is noticeable to show it's been some time since she left the warm covers. Her fingers brush the back of the hand she holds. ]

The sun wasn't up yet. [ Jesse knows that it isn't an exact answer. Hopefully he'll realize she means she simply isn't sure how long it's been. ] I'm.... peachy.

[ « But SHE isn't. »

A slight shake of her head. ] No. It wasn't you. Promise.

[ Just another version of him. ]

[ He watches her closely, watching her reactions, looking for anything that might tell him how she really is. This is how they communicate with each other: he relies on words and she communicates with looks and actions. Maybe it's unusual, or maybe it's just a side effect of him being a writer. He doesn't want to say that it's also because of being in a place that messed with his mind and caused him to develop habits like narrating out loud to himself, but not saying it won't make it not true.

A frown forms and deepens as he realizes how cold she is. That tells him that she has been sitting here for a long time, and he feels a stab of guilt for having continued sleeping while she was awake and unable to sleep herself. He'd go back to the bed and get a blanket for her if he could do so without dislodging her hold on his hand, so he settles for scooting a little closer as if asking if she wants to be held while they sit on the window seat. It would take a little shuffling around, but he's willing to do it. ]

Peachy, but something woke you up. Something, or someone.

[ He already has a guess, thanks to the strange rush of feelings that he had while he slept, but maybe his guess is way off the mark. ]

Do you think you could go back to sleep now? [ Maybe I could help her relax so she can get some more sleep. ]

Someones. [ Jesse gently corrects the statement. Her tone is soft, but not quite the vulnerable state that he may be used to. The tone is far more contemplative. Inward.

Green eyes travel upwards. Her head tilts backwards. It would be easier to explain it all with an answer of her question. She could use it as a way to ease into everything. She isn't sure where to even start.

She frowns. A shimmer of light in her eyes. ]

No. I don't think... not yet.

Someones? [ Maybe his theory about what he felt while he slept isn't so far off the mark after all, but he figures he should wait for Jesse to confirm either way.

He keeps watching her, knowing that his scrutiny could make her uncomfortable, but he thinks there's a difference between staring at someone and just... observing. ]

... Okay.

[ He notes her frown, and that shimmer, and not for the first time, he thinks about how pretty her eyes are. But he can't get distracted right now; it's very easy for him to lose focus, as his mind goes wandering, but she asked him a question, and he has to answer it. He wants to answer it, because he knows how to do so. ]

You asked if I remember the first time I came to Bright Falls, and a room with hanging lights. I- it's faint, but I remember it. I can still picture it, somehow. It was... I think it was a safe zone, sort of. Someone was watching over it, making sure the lights stayed on. What was it called? [ Frown lines on his forehead appear as he tries to find the memory in a sea of them. ] The... Lit Up Room? No, that's not it.

[ He tries harder to come up with the actual name of the room that he's picturing, but the memory seems hard to grasp. ]

I don't remember the name of it, but I know what you mean. I've been there. I remember seeing it.

[ Her fingers continue brush along the back of his hand. Something soothing for both of them she hopes. Although, it's probably just her that needs the reassurance. The touch helps ground her when it seems her emotions are running and she can't control them. ]

It had a manuscript page. Something that looked like the Clicker. [ Her eyes narrow slightly in thought. ] You must have gone there to get those things.

[ Jesse pauses. Her hand stills on his. ] At least, that's why he went there.

[ « Maybe it will help him remember something. Could that be why I picked up on this? Other than the fact that I'm--we're resonating with her. It can't be as simple as that. » ]

What happened when you were there?

Edited 2024-06-16 10:21 (UTC)

[ He'd pull her in for a hug if he thought that's what she needed. If holding his hand helps, then he has no intention of pulling away. Not that he ever has any intention of ever breaking contact between them. They both seem to need the reassurance for different reasons. ]

A manuscript page and the Clicker. [ An image flares to life in his mind, but it's not the scene from the Well-Lit Room. He's in a cell, and Saga's there, and he's asking her for the Clicker... and then everything jolts and he's no longer himself. He just barely manages to suppress a flinch reaction, because Jesse doesn't need to know what memory just resurfaced. Hopefully nothing showed in his gaze, but he knows he's not usually that lucky. ]

It was a room with lights hanging everywhere. Lights... Why does that sound so familiar?

[ He pauses for a moment as he continues searching for that elusive memory, willing it to come back to him. Maybe this time, he'll get lucky. ]

Lights, the Clicker, a manuscript page... I can get to her now. I can finish this.

I think I found the pieces I needed, to end the story. To save... [ He hesitates, because he knows how Jesse feels whenever he mentions Alice. She doesn't even have to say anything, but he can see the look in her eyes and the change in her posture. It's not fair to her to keep bringing her up, so he just trails off rather than complete that sentence. ]

( cont here )

oceanview || ❝ two worlds colliding, there ain't no bargaining. ❞

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