Not all of them. I didn't save all of them. [ People died because of me. I killed them. Got them killed.
Alan feels himself pulling back, withdrawing into his thoughts again, as guilt and regret resurface. He can't undo the harm he's caused, and he can't bring back the people who died in the process of his story, and that will never sit right with him.
Jesse seems to be lost in her own thoughts, while Alan is dealing with the guilt that keeps swirling around him. Faces appear in his mind's eye; some of them are people he recognizes, while others are strangers, nameless to him. But they have names; they were someone's father or mother, brother or sister... They were taken by the story, and the story remains Alan's fault. He still blames himself for all of it, including and maybe worst of all, how he hurt Jesse in the process of the story.
He could spend the rest of his life trying to make that up to her, and he intends to do just that.
Her hand curls around his, and he's quick to imitate the gesture to try and reassure her that he's here and not going anywhere. ]
I think that he would do it if he knew that there was something he could get out of it. Or maybe if he could manipulate his way into getting it. But then again, I don't think I'm an expert on Scratch. More often than not, he outplayed me.
[ Or did I outplay myself? ]
It's all right. You don't have to imagine a life like that. You're you, and I love you exactly how you are. I love you because of who you are. We can just have the life we have now; that's all we really need, isn't it?
[ Before he pulls away and releases her hand, he brushes his lips against the back of it again, wanting to communicate again that he loves her. ]
I was, once. She might have even been happy with me at one point. [ And then the drinking and partying started and I became someone I wasn't. She could have left me; sometimes I wonder why she didn't. ]
I don't know how happy we would have been. Maybe if I hadn't gotten writer's block; maybe if the Dark Presence hadn't been there trying to lure in artists. I do know that I would have loved you. I do love you. I love you exactly the way you are.
[ And then he kisses her hand again, wanting to further press that detail in. ]
no subject
Alan feels himself pulling back, withdrawing into his thoughts again, as guilt and regret resurface. He can't undo the harm he's caused, and he can't bring back the people who died in the process of his story, and that will never sit right with him.
Jesse seems to be lost in her own thoughts, while Alan is dealing with the guilt that keeps swirling around him. Faces appear in his mind's eye; some of them are people he recognizes, while others are strangers, nameless to him. But they have names; they were someone's father or mother, brother or sister... They were taken by the story, and the story remains Alan's fault. He still blames himself for all of it, including and maybe worst of all, how he hurt Jesse in the process of the story.
He could spend the rest of his life trying to make that up to her, and he intends to do just that.
Her hand curls around his, and he's quick to imitate the gesture to try and reassure her that he's here and not going anywhere. ]
I think that he would do it if he knew that there was something he could get out of it. Or maybe if he could manipulate his way into getting it. But then again, I don't think I'm an expert on Scratch. More often than not, he outplayed me.
[ Or did I outplay myself? ]
It's all right. You don't have to imagine a life like that. You're you, and I love you exactly how you are. I love you because of who you are. We can just have the life we have now; that's all we really need, isn't it?
[ Before he pulls away and releases her hand, he brushes his lips against the back of it again, wanting to communicate again that he loves her. ]
I was, once. She might have even been happy with me at one point. [ And then the drinking and partying started and I became someone I wasn't. She could have left me; sometimes I wonder why she didn't. ]
I don't know how happy we would have been. Maybe if I hadn't gotten writer's block; maybe if the Dark Presence hadn't been there trying to lure in artists. I do know that I would have loved you. I do love you. I love you exactly the way you are.
[ And then he kisses her hand again, wanting to further press that detail in. ]