Yeah... I know. And, you saved them. Every one of them.
[ Once more, Jesse falls quiet. They haven't talked about anything when it comes to "Return." She's made sure not to bring it up due to being worried he may have another episode like he had while they were shopping.
« No. That's not the only reason. That's just the convient reason. The one that works so I don't need to explain the other one. I don't want him to know how much it hurt. How it took everything in me not to hold him back at those campgrounds. "Return" wasn't about me. I wasn't even the hero or the main character. It doesn't matter to anyone but me... I don't want him to feel worse about everything. »
Still, the image of watching the car drive off into the night is burned into her memories. The way the red lights flared up on the back with braking as he turned the corner. The end of the FBI's rental car disappearing around the bend. The way the atmosphere calmed as the story followed Alan to his destination. Feeling that force unlock from her ankle and letting her be free.
Seeing Alan awake and free from the Dark Presence for the first time... only to let him turn away and get into the car.
Jesse's eyes flick downwards as she eats another bite.
Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night to turn and make sure he's really next to her. She'd leave her office in the middle of the night to check on him when they kept him in the Oldest House.
Her hand gently curls around his, as if she's suddenly worried touching him will make the entire experience disappear. ]
Scratch working with anyone is hard to believe. [ A stiffness enters her tone. She can remember a conversation with Scratch, trying to keep his at bay when the others had the Clicker. Another failed loop. ] He came off as more "It's all about me and what I want."
[ Jesse pauses again at his questions and musings. Her eyes drop once more. A sudden feeling of guilt rises that she isn't normal. No, not guilt, more of an insecurity. A worry. Should she apologize for not being normal or looking for a normal life? She's thought that's what Alan has wanted. That he'd tolerate the weirdness, the Buearu, Polaris... but never truly want to be in the world where all of it resides.
« Knowing the poster is off the wall but pretending most the time it's still covering the hole. »
Her eyes dart to the side. She frowns slightly. ]
I don't... [ Her lips press together as her gaze drops further. ] I can't imagine a life like that. Something where you don't know what's truly out in the world. I don't know what that's like. Even if--I still was afraid the Buearu would find me. Take me away. Instead of me finding them on my own terms.
I don't know what a life like you had is like. [ Vulnerability fills her tone. Worry, even. Fear she's let him down or failed an expectation or maybe even dream he had for them. ] I... I can't know if I'd like that or not.
[ Her hand curls in his hold as he kisses it. Jesse closes her eyes and her shoulders curl. She's touched, flustered even, but still gripped by the other emotions Alan Wake is so damn good at unlocking inside her. ]
You were happy with Alice. [ No judgemental in her tone. Just vulnerability, insecurity, a hint of shyness. Red on her cheeks despite how she tries to hide her eyes from him. So he doesn't see her emotions. ] Maybe you wouldn't have loved me if I was just... normal. You wouldn't have a reason to. You'd be happy with Alice. Writing. Being artists together.
no subject
[ Once more, Jesse falls quiet. They haven't talked about anything when it comes to "Return." She's made sure not to bring it up due to being worried he may have another episode like he had while they were shopping.
« No. That's not the only reason. That's just the convient reason. The one that works so I don't need to explain the other one. I don't want him to know how much it hurt. How it took everything in me not to hold him back at those campgrounds. "Return" wasn't about me. I wasn't even the hero or the main character. It doesn't matter to anyone but me... I don't want him to feel worse about everything. »
Still, the image of watching the car drive off into the night is burned into her memories. The way the red lights flared up on the back with braking as he turned the corner. The end of the FBI's rental car disappearing around the bend. The way the atmosphere calmed as the story followed Alan to his destination. Feeling that force unlock from her ankle and letting her be free.
Seeing Alan awake and free from the Dark Presence for the first time... only to let him turn away and get into the car.
Jesse's eyes flick downwards as she eats another bite.
Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night to turn and make sure he's really next to her. She'd leave her office in the middle of the night to check on him when they kept him in the Oldest House.
Her hand gently curls around his, as if she's suddenly worried touching him will make the entire experience disappear. ]
Scratch working with anyone is hard to believe. [ A stiffness enters her tone. She can remember a conversation with Scratch, trying to keep his at bay when the others had the Clicker. Another failed loop. ] He came off as more "It's all about me and what I want."
[ Jesse pauses again at his questions and musings. Her eyes drop once more. A sudden feeling of guilt rises that she isn't normal. No, not guilt, more of an insecurity. A worry. Should she apologize for not being normal or looking for a normal life? She's thought that's what Alan has wanted. That he'd tolerate the weirdness, the Buearu, Polaris... but never truly want to be in the world where all of it resides.
« Knowing the poster is off the wall but pretending most the time it's still covering the hole. »
Her eyes dart to the side. She frowns slightly. ]
I don't... [ Her lips press together as her gaze drops further. ] I can't imagine a life like that. Something where you don't know what's truly out in the world. I don't know what that's like. Even if--I still was afraid the Buearu would find me. Take me away. Instead of me finding them on my own terms.
I don't know what a life like you had is like. [ Vulnerability fills her tone. Worry, even. Fear she's let him down or failed an expectation or maybe even dream he had for them. ] I... I can't know if I'd like that or not.
[ Her hand curls in his hold as he kisses it. Jesse closes her eyes and her shoulders curl. She's touched, flustered even, but still gripped by the other emotions Alan Wake is so damn good at unlocking inside her. ]
You were happy with Alice. [ No judgemental in her tone. Just vulnerability, insecurity, a hint of shyness. Red on her cheeks despite how she tries to hide her eyes from him. So he doesn't see her emotions. ] Maybe you wouldn't have loved me if I was just... normal. You wouldn't have a reason to. You'd be happy with Alice. Writing. Being artists together.